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[AJUMP23]

Oh cmon man

I don’t think disagreeing with you literally calling me shallow = “I just want the hear I’m never wrong and always right”

I’ve responded receptively to other critiques and tips in this very thread

I made some observations, you rejected them, that is OK. But I won't make any more. But I do wonder if you caught that I used the wrong version of right when writing.

You want help, but are defensive. As most people are.

 

[arkhamguy123]

I made some observations, you rejected them, that is OK. But I won't make any more. But I do wonder if you caught that I used the wrong version of right when writing.

You want help, but are defensive. As most people are.

Defensive of people calling me shallow when I know I’m not

 

[AJUMP23]

Defensive of people calling me shallow when I know I’m not

Maybe it is like a really big puddle though, shallow but wide. A broad view like your buff shoulders.

 

[arkhamguy123]

Maybe it is like a really big puddle though, shallow but wide. A broad view like your buff shoulders.

 

[poodaddy]

Well, to be frank OP, women typically don't like a lack of humility. I understand that confidence is a good thing, but there's a line which one crosses when they describe themselves as in "incredible" physical shape that can tell us a lot about you as a person, and I mean this with love man; most women love confidence, yes, but they absolutely despise arrogance. I've got a degree in Exercise Science, used to be a Master Strength and Conditioning Coach, have been training for about twenty years now, and I would absolutely never describe myself as in "incredible" physical shape, as I just can't speak of myself in that way at all, and were I to do so I can promise you I wouldn't be with my wife of thirteen years much longer as she is easily disgusted with arrogance, as are most women I've known, and I've had more women as friends than men throughout the years, so I somewhat understand them, though I still sometimes find them perplexing lol.

I can't speak to the modern dating scene OP, though I do feel bad for young men who are going through it, as it truly sounds like a minefield. That being said, women are still women and the old constants probably still work. Be funny, but don't try too hard. Be genuine, polite, and kind, but don't allow yourself to be disrespected. Be strong and fit, but be grounded and modest as well. Work on your body of knowledge and try to have a healthy mind, but don't lord over others and look for reasons to prove your intellect.
Probably the most important piece of advice when dealing with women is to....listen. Make things about her, allow them to remain about her, resist the urge to make almost anything about you and your past experiences or stories, even if they're always funny and they're a hit with most women. Women want to feel heard, noticed, and understood; they simply want someone to not diminish them, make them feel like they do truly matter and that you're interested in learning as much about her mind as you can.

I don't know how useful that will be OP, but maybe give it a shot and see if it doesn't help a little. Good luck to ya bro.

 

[SlimySnake]

Holy shit this is actually super astute.

Who knew your dating takes would be as sound as your graphical fidelity takes. So basically if I’m on a date and I only see physical attraction; “oh yeah I work at *insert socially acceptable job here*”

If I’m on a date and connection is just palpable and i think it’s girlfriend material; “ya know honestly right now I’m just driving Uber until I figure out what I’m passionate about” and hope that she doesn’t have a repulsed/negative response?

Oh no. I know less about women than anyone in the world lmao dont take my advice on dating too seriously.

 

[StueyDuck]

I swear this thread already existed on gaf less than a month ago

With the same egocentric narrative

 

[IntentionalPun]

Yeah not a dunk on you but Uber driver probably leaves a particularly bad taste or perhaps a red flag. These women don’t know you so the rest of your story could be BS but the one thing they’ll believe is that you have a job anyone with a vehicle and a phone can get.

Good luck OP, spend your inheritance or whatever wisely maybe you’ll get rich enough to just say your are an investor lol

 

[PSlayer]

Imo there is only one problem in the dating market: Everybody is dating out of their league.

We never had as much freedom to fuck,hook up or marry. The problem is that all that freedom and connectivity creates the illusion of infinity possibilities. When we had limited options it forced us to be pragmatic and settle for realistic partners. They were not perfect and we had to make peace with some quirks but that was life. Our parents did this,our grand parents did this,etc...

We on the other hand are suffering from main character syndrome. We think the universe is working in our favor and as long as we stay single, the perfect person is going to manifest through a series of convoluted events. Too many women think they deserve "Tall,rich white guy"(there is even a tik tok song about that right now). Men bitch about women being too picky or how they just want a "Regular" girl but the regular girl they picture is a young,skinny,white girl they saw on a videogame,movie or porn.

Most of us are average and should be dating average. Easier said than done tho.

 

[arkhamguy123]

I swear this thread already existed on gaf less than a month ago

With the same egocentric narrative

Egocentrism is when you have a high degree of confidence and sense of self by the way

 

[arkhamguy123]

Yeah not a dunk on you but Uber driver probably leaves a particularly bad taste or perhaps a red flag. These women don’t know you so the rest of your story could be BS but the one thing they’ll believe is that you have a job anyone with a vehicle and a phone can get.

Good luck OP, spend your inheritance or whatever wisely maybe you’ll get rich enough to just say your are an investor lol

Siiiiigh

You’re precisely right but that leaves me in an undesirable position. As im never going back to the traditional Monday-Friday work I used to do. That’s not an option. And to build a more glamorous or rather socially acceptable venture where I work for myself like residential real estate or being a personal trainer or a business owner will take quite a long time

 

[StueyDuck]

Egocentrism is when you have a high degree of confidence and sense of self by the way

I think having some self awareness would probably be an aspect to dive into if you truly are willing to genuinely have a discussion on the topic.

You spent the first 2 paragraphs telling us about how you are a pure male Adonis who is financially well off and that you smash puss like it's nobodies business...

 

[arkhamguy123]

I think having some self awareness would probably be an aspect to dive into if you truly are willing to genuinely have a discussion on the topic.

You spent the first 2 paragraphs telling us about how you are a male Adonis and that you smash puss like it's nobodies business...

I think my actual words were I’m not Henry cavill but I’m not shrek either. I believe I used the term “maybe slightly above average” lol not sure where you got male Adonis from

And the “smash puss” phase was literally years and years and years ago. The entire post is about how that has been the opposite of my experience in the present

 

[StueyDuck]

I think my actual words were I’m not Henry cavill but I’m not shrek either. I believe I used the term “maybe slightly above average” lol not sure where you got male Adonis from

And the “smash puss” phase was literally years and years and years ago. The entire post is about how that has been the opposite of my experience in the present

Well you need to be self aware and drop that pretense.

In your late 20s and 30s, life is about having a good career and finding someone to spend the rest of your life with.

Forget the past.

 

[PaddyOCanager]

.

Do you have a network of people you interact with in real life outside of your friends and family? Most people establish this network with a career.

According to some random Googling - somewhere between 22%-40% of people meet their significant other through work. I met my girl through work.

In my opinion, as you get older taking shots in the dark with random dating is a huge waste of time and only pushes you further down the rabbit hole of thinking everything is fucked up. Instead, you need to establish a network of people in your life and leverage that network to attract the person you're looking for.

If you can't do this through your job, join some kind of organization - one where you have responsibilities and where people rely on you. One where like-minded people will be interacting with you regularly in real life. Grow and cultivate that network - this is how you meet a quality partner.

But if you want instant results, pay for a professional matchmaker.

 

[arkhamguy123]

Well you need to be self aware and drop that pretense.

In your late 20s and 30s, life is about having a good career and finding someone to spend the rest of your life with.

Forget the past.

Which now just leaves me with the trivial matter of starting up on some enterprise that’s not a traditional job where I’m more freelance/independent contractor that is more prestigious, more socially palatable to a potential partner, and more lucrative

Wish me luck :/

 

[Toons]

I always see these threads on the internet but in real life I see divorced dads, deadbeats, and general ainless lovers with a few stacks of cash on them, and sometimes even broke nobodies who get girlfriends. Maybe its location, maybe it's your own expectations doing you in. Maybe it's a combination of many factors.

 

[EviLore]

I always see these threads on the internet but in real life I see divorced dads, deadbeats, and general ainless lovers with a few stacks of cash on them, and sometimes even broke nobodies who get girlfriends. Maybe its location, maybe it's your own expectations doing you in. Maybe it's a combination of many factors.

Low status, low standard fuckups making bad life decisions with each other, yes. We can assume the OP is looking for a quality partner.

 

[arkhamguy123]

Do you have a network of people you interact with in real life outside of your friends and family? Most people establish this network with a career.

According to some random Googling - somewhere between 22%-40% of people meet their significant other through work. I met my girl through work.

In my opinion, as you get older taking shots in the dark with random dating is a huge waste of time and only pushes you further down the rabbit hole of thinking everything is fucked up. Instead, you need to establish a network of people in your life and leverage that network to attract the person you're looking for.

If you can't do this through your job, join some kind of organization - one where you have responsibilities and where people rely on you. One where like-minded people will be interacting with you regularly in real life. Grow and cultivate that network - this is how you meet a quality partner.

But if you want instant results, pay for a professional matchmaker.

Not really no. I mean, I’m social in and around my apartment complex? I’ve gotten some dates from that but I wouldn’t say I just have this vast robust social network

No coworkers of course by virtue of being an Uber driver and the friends are gatekeeping the single mutual friends. So that’s not an option either. I tried a running club but the ratios were atrocious. 99% dudes. Guess every guy got the same “join a club and meet women advice” and saturated the running club lol

What’s a professional match maker though?

 

[Sushi_Combo]

Dating is all about good vibes. It's hard to give advice because everybody's way in doing things is completely different. If you're not succeeding you should step back and ask yourself what you can do to better yourself.

Not a sign of weakness but also consider talking to a therapist.

 

[PaddyOCanager]

What’s a professional match maker though?

They identify compatible people and introduce them to each other. Usually there is an interview process, background check, etc.

 

[Thorpe]

At least you are putting yourself out there in the dating scene and trying it out consistently. You pretty much have to look at dating as an interview process. It doesn't matter if it's for something short-term, long-term, no strings attached sex, friends with benefits, even a platonic relationship, etc. - just like you, they are likely basing whether you are a candidate ultimately on vibes. The catch is that you won't really know exactly what they are truly looking for (unless they are straight up during the date or actually give you a reason why they aren't interested), hence why you get ghosted or you don't get additional dates. It literally goes both ways.

For the women you meet, what are their professions? I'm just curious since you seem to think your profession is what may be the potential deal breaker. If you are consistently talking to women that are career tracked, they may have similar requirements in their dating pool. If it's hookup material, usually that doesn't play much of a role. In my life, the women I know (single/married/etc.) are dating/marrying guys in all types of jobs - including stay-at-home dads. Some of them have high/explicit requirements, while some of them don't hold it as a deal breaker. I would assume some of your dates have had women in similar job roles such as yourself?

You are still young, but at least you are attempting some self-reflecting. There are women in the same boat as you are, the ultimate question is how do you find them (assuming they have the same mindset as you too). When you are dating (or in the talking/texting phase before a date), you should start to incorporate some of these questions into the process. Doing so will at least give some signals on where she is at in life and what she wants. You then need to take this and apply it to what you are looking for/currently at in life.

Just remember, requirements and attractive traits can change in an instant for good or bad. It's also important to note that what you or they think they want in someone now might not actually mean shit later down the road. Heck, it'll probably change on a day-to-day basis. Dating actually takes effort for most people. You'll have some people that mesh so well it leads to marriage, while the rest have to continue on that rollercoaster of a journey.

 

[Trogdor1123]

Which now just leaves me with the trivial matter of starting up on some enterprise that’s not a traditional job where I’m more freelance/independent contractor that is more prestigious, more socially palatable to a potential partner, and more lucrative

Wish me luck :/

I haven’t been in the dating pool for over 20 years but when I was I usually met people through other people and that helped to bridge the gaps. The knew a bit about me socially before anything progressed and they would be aware that about my future without it being something awkward. Does that not happen anymore? Serious question, not trying to be a smart ass. I ask as it would seem to be a better path rather than changing your whole life is all.

Best of luck mate.

 

[arkhamguy123]

I haven’t been in the dating pool for over 20 years but when I was I usually met people through other people and that helped to bridge the gaps. The knew a bit about me socially before anything progressed and they would be aware that about my future without it being something awkward. Does that not happen anymore? Serious question, not trying to be a smart ass. I ask as it would seem to be a better path rather than changing your whole life is all.

Best of luck mate.

So, it does. And most people my age meet through mutual friends, the problem is all my friends are gate keeping motherfuckers with the single mutual friends.

I’ve asked all of em a few times and they’re either weird about it, ie basically politely saying “ehhh no dude” or they’re fake as fuck and say “oh yeah I’ll ask!” And never do. Then I look crazy and desperate following up multiple times so I’ve just dropped it with all of them

 

[Toots]

And yet you’re like “I’m an Uber driver” and they go, “Oh.”

Remember all that stuff like “just be yourself”, “you just need to be clean and in good shape”, “just don’t be poor” and all those fail-proof life hacks that will get you any woman 9 times out of 10? I do.

When I think about my personal experiences with women, especially those I’ve had after turning 30, I‘m often reminded of a bio flick I saw about this man: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michel_Petrucciani

This man was born with a genetic disease that made his bones extremely fragile. As in, he was a pianist, and once he broke a finger just playing the piano. He wasn’t attractive, not even unconventionally so, no debate there. As an adult, he was as tall as a child. And yet, this man married twice, and had a third significant other that for all intent and purposes was his third wife. He started introducing his would-be second wife as his new wife when he barely knew her, and dumped his first wife, who he was still married to at the time, on the phone. Creepy, right? And yet, the new girl didn’t run away, ghost him, or call the cops on him. No, she ended up marrying him instead.

There is no recipe, my friends. Sure, if you look like young Brad Pitt you will enjoy success, and have a lot of choice. If you have lots of moolah, you will as well. But if you lack that certain vibe, whatever “objective” quality everyone (including you) really thinks you have guarantees nothing. After all, women are hard-wired to get the best available option, while men are usually less picky. Even a hopeless woman, if one random guy shows interest in her, will very often think that she isn’t that bad after all, and that she can have much better. It’s not often that she’ll settle for the first poor bloke who‘s made a move on her in years. The female ego is just a different beast.

Only thing you can do is keep trying if you care that much, or just allow it to happen while you’re busy with other things, if that’s meant to happen. Whether a woman falls for you or not IS personal, of course, but there’s nothing objective about it. When people make excuses to ghost or dump you, those are often just excuses to explain their decision to others - and, mostly, to themselves. People on the bottom rung of society. People with incurable diseases. The worst of criminals. Cripples. Name a supposedly undesirable category of people - most of them are currently getting more action than most of us in here. And you shouldn’t, just because you’re an Uber driver? That’s not the reason, so you really have no reason to lie about that (but I do think, omitting that detail or telling a half truth about it may get you more chances, yeah. People can be shallow).

A thousand internet points for bringing Petrucciani into the thread (im talking good internet points, not the terminally online kind)
What a legend he was

 

[Trogdor1123]

So, it does. And most people my age meet through mutual friends, the problem is all my friends are gate keeping motherfuckers with the single mutual friends.

I’ve asked all of em a few times and they’re either weird about it, ie basically politely saying “ehhh no dude” or they’re fake as fuck and say “oh yeah I’ll ask!” And never do. Then I look crazy and desperate following up multiple times so I’ve just dropped it with all of them

That’s really unfortunate. Now, again, I’ve been out of “the game” for a long ass time but maybe start by setting up things like parties at your place where you invite friends and friends of friends and don’t try to flirt or anything but just have a nice social experience? The old summer bbq sort of thing. Take it really slow in a big group? Get like 50 people over for booze, steak (or whatever), and a good time would, if nothing else, be a fun time.

The singles could also have less gate keeping.

Everyone loves a summer bbq and the long game could allow you to meet someone you like and has an opportunity to really get to know you rather than looking at superficial things.

 

[Nester99]

You don’t do $1000 a week from 30 hours or less in fast food though

The earnings pay me as much or more than some “real jobs” I’ve worked it’s just not as miserable and not 40,50,60+ hours a week. It’s basically all social stigma that I think makes it undesirable in a potential partners eyes. Which you’ve demonstrated with the fast food line

You are right, But remember dating is about perception and not always reality, especially early. - The vast majority Women will perceive it as i indicated, with less opportunity for advancement.

At least say your "self employed in the Transportation and logistics field"

 

[jshackles]

Which now just leaves me with the trivial matter of starting up on some enterprise that’s not a traditional job where I’m more freelance/independent contractor that is more prestigious, more socially palatable to a potential partner, and more lucrative

Wish me luck :/

In my experience, it's not so much about having the career as it is being on the track, especially because you're still a young guy. Also, most women use the "what do you do for a living" not just to find out how financially secure someone is but also to find out what kind of hobbies and interests someone has. This is especially true if your chosen career path is one that requires a degree or apprenticeship, because that means that you (at least at some point in your past) were passionate about something enough to turn it into a job or career.

Do you have a hobby that you wouldn't mind exploiting to turn into a makeshift career? Like if you're interested in programming, you could start contributing to open source projects, and now you're a "freelance programmer". Make a website (even one on Wordpress) where you write reviews for something adjacent to things you're interested in. "I write reviews of hiking gear online" sounds much more interesting in most cases than "I drive for Uber". If her follow-up question is "Do you make a lot of money doing that?" then you can still laugh it off and say "No, I'm financially secure, but I do pick up some odd jobs here and there to make ends meet". The funny part is that if actually meaningfully follow through with an endeavor like this, a lot of times it can turn into something that generates income. You also never know when you'll go out with someone who is super into hiking and will be instantly impressed with your review site.

Be genuine, but make yourself interesting.

 

[arkhamguy123]

You are right, But remember dating is about perception and not always reality, especially early. - The vast majority Women will perceive it as i indicated, with less opportunity for advancement.

At least say your "self employed in the Transportation and logistics field"

Haha you’re right and my friends joke about this, i actually might start heeding their advice

They’re like “bro just say that you’re an independent contractor for a big Fortune 500 company” or “tell ‘em you’re an entrepreneur”

 

[Woggleman]

Just be yourself and do what makes you happy without trying to attract women and things will happen naturally. At least that is how it happened for me. When I broke it off with my first fiance I just accepted that I would be a bachelor and I sort of became a player and I wasn't even trying to impress women. I just did what made me happy and it came naturally plus I attracted better quality women. Eventually I did meet my wife but that was done by doing what I wanted and we naturally crossed paths.

If you try and be a man that you are not you will have to keep up that facade forever if you eventually meet somebody you like or you will attracted the wrong kind of woman. If you flaunt material items or act like you are some rich guy you will eventually meet a materialistic woman who will expect you to keep that up.

 

[Rentahamster]

The only thing I can really think of is that currently I'm working as an uber driver while I figure out what I want to do next and I can tell this disgust a lot of women from their face and body language when they find out but I don't think it should be that much of a hinderance?

It is. Stop matching with shallow people and/or don't talk about work.

 

[arkhamguy123]

It is. Stop matching with shallow people and/or don't talk about work.

I wish I could do both but I’m in an infamously snoody and elitist metroplex in the south. You might be able to guess. 90%+ of the dates the first question, or in the first 2-3 questions is what do I do and I watch their faces and they look very studied and judgey. It’s an obvious barrier to entry for a lot of them

To be clear, I’m very unmaterialistic. I don’t look down or up at anyones profession. To me, Uber driving is immaterial. I don’t care. But it seems women are biiiig on occupation in my city sadly

 

[Woggleman]

Is there are a better pond you can fish in nearby?

 

[arkhamguy123]

Is there are a better pond you can fish in nearby?

There’s a more likeminded city I think I’d do much better in about 3-4 hours away but if I can’t even get a local woman to go on a second date it’s doubtful I can get some hotshot in a rival city to do long distance when she’ll have dozens of local options

Moving there also poses a logistical and financial challenge and I fear for upending my life for a small chance of finding love. If I fail in that other city $2000 and a cross state move later I’m an even bigger clown

 

[IntentionalPun]

Curious how much you elaborate other than saying you are an Uber driver. Do you tell your “I quit my 9 to 5” story? Do you mention you Uber drive because you are otherwise financially secure?

When you sense their negative reaction how do you react specifically?

 

[Nester99]

There’s a more likeminded city I think I’d do much better in about 3-4 hours away but if I can’t even get a local woman to go on a second date it’s doubtful I can get some hotshot in a rival city to do long distance when she’ll have dozens of local options

Moving there also poses a logistical and financial challenge and I fear for upending my life for a small chance of finding love. If I fail in that other city $2000 and a cross state move later I’m an even bigger clown

Take a chance and move to a better environment. Take a risk and be BOLD ! at least your occupation is mobile.

 

[Rentahamster]

I wish I could do both but I’m in an infamously snoody and elitist metroplex in the south. You might be able to guess. 90%+ of the dates the first question, or in the first 2-3 questions is what do I do and I watch their faces and they look very studied and judgey. It’s an obvious barrier to entry for a lot of them

You can do both. Try matching with girls who aren't as "conventionally attractive", or those who live outside of that elitist neighborhood. Learn how to naturally steer a conversation so that those topics rarely come up without making it look like you are avoiding the question. If you can't do that, just tell them you're self-employed. If they press further, say you're a consultant or something and just describe what you did at your previous job. It's completely fine telling people that you're transitioning between career paths. It's the how that's fucking you up.

To be clear, I’m very unmaterialistic. I don’t look down or up at anyones profession. To me, Uber driving is immaterial. I don’t care. But it seems women are biiiig on occupation in my city sadly

That may be so, I don't know, I don't live where you do. But even so, there's always exceptions. You're setting yourself up for failure by forcing social interactions where talk of occupation in the context of screening out "losers" is a high priority. I find that people have more success engaging in extracurricular activities that put them in social settings to make casual social connections with women where they can get to know you sans-romantic context, and then you'd have an easier time. Dating apps and speed dating mixers (paid ones? barf) bad. Salsa workshop, ceramics class, pickleball group, book club, painting workshop, yoga class, cooking class, good.

I fear for upending my life for a small chance of finding love.

I thought you just wanted to get your dick wet, not find love.

 

[arkhamguy123]

Curious how much you elaborate other than saying you are an Uber driver. Do you tell your “I quit my 9 to 5” story? Do you mention you Uber drive because you are otherwise financially secure?

When you sense their negative reaction how do you react specifically?

Let me give you the play by play cause this is an excellent question, so, broadly speaking, cause ya know there have been exceptions and there have been women who seem to not care, a minority of them, but generally here’s what happens

What do you do

I’m an Uber driver

A kind of “oh…” or “ew…” look starts to creep across their face. This ranges from subtle to obvious. Most try to be polite. But are obviously disinterested

I quickly move to qualify it and tell the 9-5 quitting story and also that I’m endeavoring to go into residential real estate. Which is true. However again, even through this they just seem disinterested in my origin story or plan for the future regardless

I finish explaining but by this point they don’t seem to be receptive or listening as I’d imagine they’re still playing over the Uber thing in their head and thinking “he’s out”. Despite my elaboration most of the time the politely weirded out face remains and they just respond with a cold “oh cool” or “yeah wow that’s… yeah”

 

[arkhamguy123]

You can do both. Try matching with girls who aren't as "conventionally attractive", or those who live outside of that elitist neighborhood. Learn how to naturally steer a conversation so that those topics rarely come up without making it look like you are avoiding the question. If you can't do that, just tell them you're self-employed. If they press further, say you're a consultant or something and just describe what you did at your previous job. It's completely fine telling people that you're transitioning between career paths. It's the how that's fucking you up.



That may be so, I don't know, I don't live where you do. But even so, there's always exceptions. You're setting yourself up for failure by forcing social interactions where talk of occupation in the context of screening out "losers" is a high priority. I find that people have more success engaging in extracurricular activities that put them in social settings to make casual social connections with women where they can get to know you sans-romantic context, and then you'd have an easier time. Dating apps and speed dating mixers (paid ones? barf) bad. Salsa workshop, ceramics class, pickleball group, book club, painting workshop, yoga class, cooking class, good.



I thought you just wanted to get your dick wet, not find love.

A wise assortment of insights. Seems like the emerging advice about the snoody metroplex and the Uber thing is to embellish it and/or kind of obfuscate it. I will try this in the future. I’m not sure what I can really do about social interactions screening out occupations as they see those people as “losers”. If that’s them that’s just immutable and my only recourse is to find someone not shallow who doesn’t eliminate the entirety of someone off of what they do

You’re also right on better ways to meet people. I had a buddy tell me that the mixers and speed dating where a waste of time and money and to not go. Said “not worth it”. I myself independently started to see the wasteful nature of them after the first few. The mixers are a little better than the speed dating but it’s all akin to buying lottery scratch offs or quick picks.

As for that last part. I guess I’m looking for both. I’d imagine I’d be having sex with someone I’d fall in love with. I’d take either. I’m kind of open right now. I’m not solely focused on just getting laid without emotional connection but I’m also not solely focused on finding the one. Either or is welcome I’m not going to turn down one or the other if I think it’ll bring me joy ya know?

 

[IntentionalPun]

Could simply try re-ordering that explanation a bit.

1 - I have a degree in X and worked a 9-5 in Y for a few years
2 - It really didn’t click with me so I saved up enough to quit and started studying to become a real estate agent
3 - I’m able to keep my savings in tact in the mean time by just doing Uber every once in a while, plus I get to put those cool Uber stickers on my car that all the ladies love

 

[arkhamguy123]

Could simply try re-ordering that explanation a bit.

1 - I have a degree in X and worked a 9-5 in Y for a few years
2 - It really didn’t click with me so I saved up enough to quit and started studying to become a real estate agent
3 - I’m able to keep my savings in tact in the mean time by just doing Uber every once in a while, plus I get to put those cool Uber stickers on my car that all the ladies love

Holy shit this is actually perfect. I will 100% be stealing this for future dates

 

[Rentahamster]

Seems like the emerging advice about the snoody metroplex and the Uber thing is to embellish it and/or kind of obfuscate it. I will try this in the future.

I'm not recommending outright lying or blatant dishonesty, but some people are shit at conversation and that's the only crutch they have to keep their head above water. Don't be that guy. If the first words out of their mouths on your date are "so what do you do?", you allowed enough dead time to pass where that's the only low hanging fruit of small talk left to pick. Be more proactive and you choose the topic of conversation. Steer the conversation towards topics that you know you can brag about yourself, your pedigree, your education, or any achievements you might have. You be the instigator with the questions and ask them what they do, and follow that up with additional lines of inquiry around anything they said that might interest you. The more they talk about themselves the less they talk about you. Any opportunity that lets you chime in with a short anecdote of something cool you did is another moment where you don't have to say you're an Uber driver. For example, if you are a well traveled person, find a way to get them to mention travel, or foreign countries so that you can chime in with "That's cool I've been to *insert cool place* too and did *insert cool thing*, which is something that "losers" don't normally do.

I’m not sure what I can really do about social interactions screening out occupations as they see those people as “losers”. If that’s them that’s just immutable and my only recourse is to find someone not shallow who doesn’t eliminate the entirety of someone off of what they do

That's why I recommended activities where the participants are doing things like working towards a shared goal, not screening each other for their net-worth and sperm count. That's why I also recommended engaging with less conventionally attractive people as they might be less shallow.

 

[arkhamguy123]

I'm not recommending outright lying or blatant dishonesty, but some people are shit at conversation and that's the only crutch they have to keep their head above water. Don't be that guy. If the first words out of their mouths on your date are "so what do you do?", you allowed enough dead time to pass where that's the only low hanging fruit of small talk left to pick. Be more proactive and you choose the topic of conversation. Steer the conversation towards topics that you know you can brag about yourself, your pedigree, your education, or any achievements you might have. You be the instigator with the questions and ask them what they do, and follow that up with additional lines of inquiry around anything they said that might interest you. The more they talk about themselves the less they talk about you. Any opportunity that lets you chime in with a short anecdote of something cool you did is another moment where you don't have to say you're an Uber driver. For example, if you are a well traveled person, find a way to get them to mention travel, or foreign countries so that you can chime in with "That's cool I've been to *insert cool place* too and did *insert cool thing*, which is something that "losers" don't normally do.



That's why I recommended activities where the participants are doing things like working towards a shared goal, not screening each other for their net-worth and sperm count. That's why I also recommended engaging with less conventionally attractive people as they might be less shallow.

You are a wise sagacious man you know that?

 

[Rentahamster]

You are a wise sagacious man you know that?

I don't know that because I'm a hamster.

 

[EviLore]

That's why I recommended activities where the participants are doing things like working towards a shared goal, not screening each other for their net-worth and sperm count. That's why I also recommended engaging with less conventionally attractive people as they might be less shallow.

Yes. You can invite her on an activity you’ve done before, e.g., rock climbing. Demonstrate competence, help her out, have fun together. Bonus points if you know people there who have a positive impression of you—social proof. As you say, it steers the date away from being a job interview.

Women will do the checklist interview if you leave it to default but they’d usually much prefer to feel through situations, use intuition.

 

[arkhamguy123]

Yes. You can invite her on an activity you’ve done before, e.g., rock climbing. Demonstrate competence, help her out, have fun together. Bonus points if you know people there who have a positive impression of you—social proof. As you say, it steers the date away from being a job interview.

Women will do the checklist interview if you leave it to default but they’d usually much prefer to feel through situations, use intuition.

Hmmmm. Perhaps I’m being too stiff or awkward after the first “hey how are you” hug and sit down step. I feel like the next 5 minutes after that can make or break a date

 

[NeoIkaruGAF]

At least you are putting yourself out there in the dating scene and trying it out consistently. You pretty much have to look at dating as an interview process. It doesn't matter if it's for something short-term, long-term, no strings attached sex, friends with benefits, even a platonic relationship, etc. - just like you, they are likely basing whether you are a candidate ultimately on vibes. The catch is that you won't really know exactly what they are truly looking for (unless they are straight up during the date or actually give you a reason why they aren't interested), hence why you get ghosted or you don't get additional dates. It literally goes both ways.

Just remember, requirements and attractive traits can change in an instant for good or bad. It's also important to note that what you or they think they want in someone now might not actually mean shit later down the road. Heck, it'll probably change on a day-to-day basis. Dating actually takes effort for most people. You'll have some people that mesh so well it leads to marriage, while the rest have to continue on that rollercoaster of a journey.

Ding ding ding!

Also, always remember that most women lie very naturally and hide a LOT of stuff from you until they’re confident enough that they can open up with you. Those who don’t, most of the times, already have a partner. Women are most open and sincere when they don’t want to seduce you, or when they’re not afraid they can lose your interest by exposing something questionable about themselves. If a woman is single and she’s putting herself out there, never expect total sincerity for the first few dates, as a rule of thumb. So, while should you feel under the obligation to be totally open and honest about yourself right off the bat? Be a bit ambiguous. Make something up that may hint at you having other options, especially if you don’t have any skeletons in your closet and you feel good about yourself. Plenty of guys out there devastated about discovering some serious shit about their women a long time into a relationship. Women know most men will be satisfied with good enough looks when you first meet, and worry about the rest after a few rounds of casual sex, and they’ll leverage this to make you spit out your potential dealbreakers asap, before they’ve taken some serious interest in you. I personally hate doing this, but I can’t fail to realize how many phonies out there can pick up girls with ease with some white lies.

 

[Rentahamster]

I feel like the next 5 minutes after that can make or break a date

First impressions count for a lot. Would you rather spend that opportunity listing off your mating qualifications like a dweeb, or helping her secure her zipline harness?

 

[nkarafo]

It was already very hard for me 15 years ago because i was a broke and average looking introvert with no social skills, now i'm a 40y still broke, still average looking introvert with no social skills while the game got harder on top of that. Now it seems such an impossible task for me that i just gave up entirely. It used to bother me a lot thinking about it but now i just don't give a shit anymore and i actually like living alone.

 

[mcjmetroid]

My problem is usually finding the right time to meet. You talk for three days and it's like "I'm wasting my time if we finally date and there's no spark." I wish people were more receptive to just grabbing a coffee, especially when it's already established you both have similar interests. I spoke with one girl for a week, everything seemed fine, tried to arrange a hangout and got ghosted

I have this problem especially as a gay man. I think the issue there is they are looking for validation and really have no intention of meeting.

I'm with you. I don't see an issue of just actually meeting up and seeing what happens.