I bought an Atari Lynx and an anusload of games on Sunday from this little shop in Shibuya for fifty bucks. I thought I'd share my impressions because the Atari Lynx rocks your face from outer space, I can't find my old Lynx back in the USA, and from a technological/temporal standpoint, it is better than the DS and PSP put TOGETHER.
If I don't get any "LYNX RULES" or "LYNX SUCKS!" replies, I'm just gonna post this on my blog or some shit and you can all go to hell and play "Hard Drivin" until your bowels come out your eyes.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!! Look at the size of that unit, riot cops could beat a hippie protester to death with that thing! Yes, the Atari Lynx Mark 1 (the Lynx II was smaller) is the veritable Xbox of portable gaming. Maybe you could mistake someone playing a Game Boy for someone perusing a bible. The Lynx looks like you're holding a cinder block.
The screen is big, bright, and sucks both battery life and by itself. The passive matrix horror of yesteryear rears its ugly power-chomping head, especially when playing side scrollers.
With the Lynx I you inserted games into the back. In this, you open up a little door in the side and slam in your copy of Roadblasters or whatever. It's just like the N-gage! Unfortunately it is REALLY REALLY HARD to remove early games from the system. You almost need a pair of pliers.
PLUSES AND MINUSES FOR THE BORED
+Big beautiful screen; also doubles as flashlight
+Speaker is the hugest you will ever see in a handheld, PERIOD. Almost 1.5 inches in diameter, it will drown out that dorky little kid in the plane seat next to you playing Mario World.
+Motherboard design is awesome. It's just floating in the plastic with little regard for size. Obviously made by white people.
+Good d-pad and tactile feedback on buttons.
+Awesome library of arcade ports (Stun Runner foo)
-Screen really sucks and worsens with age, I think
-Doesn't work with the NiMH batteries I pulled out of my speedlite
-Current releases are stupid crap like "Pong"
-Doesn't play MP4s
-Doesn't play MP3s, for that matter
-Vengeful ghost of Jack Traimel permanently infused into hardware
GAME REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!
KLAX: Shockingly good, and played in "tate" mode. Sound effects and music are better than I remember the other console versions being. Alas it is no longer the 90s and there is no more time for Klax
ROBO SQUASH: Some incomprehensible puzzle mess that looks like an Apple IIGS shareware game.
STUN RUNNER: HOLY CRAP. Faithful port of the polygon-based arcade futuristic racer. Uses scaled sprites to approximate the speed in a brilliant fashion. All the voices are in there, too. Annihilates Amiga port.
ZARLOR MERCENARY: Top-down shmup that reminds me of Raptor: Call of the Shadows. Looks really amazing for a game with only 16 colors.
CHIP'S CHALLENGE: Seminal Lynx puzzle game. Tile-based stuff where you walk around, push crates (YES!) and get colored keys. Sounds shitty but is actually really fun, plus if you beat the game, "Chip" totally gets to nail the hottie from the Bit Busters computer club (as illustrated on the Japanese cover, CHIPPUSU CHARRENJI!):
"Congratulation Chip-san !! You beated last level, and join the club BIT BUSTER . Now we gonna do bukakke !!!"
SHANGHAI: I'm not playing this shit, my eyes are bad enough.
ELECTROCOP: Not-so-hot side scroller where a blue guy with a gun walks left and right (and INTO the screen with cool scaling effects). This was one of the first Lynx games, and I remember hearing that most of this game was done on an Amiga debug kit that ran 10 seconds to generate one frame, and the programmer only had one chance to play it at full speed, so you should be glad it's even playable at all.
SLIME WORLD: The best Lynx game ever released; quite possibly one of the best handheld games ever made. Side-scroller. Exploration (and unlimited lives) is the name of the game as Todd explores a weird underground maze packed with strange creatures and dripping boogers. Amazing special effects, unparalleled ComLynx co-op mode, total workout for the Mikey and Suzy graphics processors with scaling shit all over the place. Unlock the "pop the zit" minigame for extra fun!
THE VERDICT
The Lynx is an awesome system that was way ahead of its time. Sure, it had crappy battery life, but so does the PSP if you're playing networked GTA. With kick-ass, triple-A titles like Slime World and California Games, the Lynx is still worth picking up if you don't mind looking like an idiot in public and have a stack of Kirkland-brand AA batteries in the junk drawer.
"HAVE YOU PLAYED ATARI TODAY???"
Obviously not, because you assholes never bought it in the first place
If I don't get any "LYNX RULES" or "LYNX SUCKS!" replies, I'm just gonna post this on my blog or some shit and you can all go to hell and play "Hard Drivin" until your bowels come out your eyes.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!! Look at the size of that unit, riot cops could beat a hippie protester to death with that thing! Yes, the Atari Lynx Mark 1 (the Lynx II was smaller) is the veritable Xbox of portable gaming. Maybe you could mistake someone playing a Game Boy for someone perusing a bible. The Lynx looks like you're holding a cinder block.
The screen is big, bright, and sucks both battery life and by itself. The passive matrix horror of yesteryear rears its ugly power-chomping head, especially when playing side scrollers.
With the Lynx I you inserted games into the back. In this, you open up a little door in the side and slam in your copy of Roadblasters or whatever. It's just like the N-gage! Unfortunately it is REALLY REALLY HARD to remove early games from the system. You almost need a pair of pliers.
PLUSES AND MINUSES FOR THE BORED
+Big beautiful screen; also doubles as flashlight
+Speaker is the hugest you will ever see in a handheld, PERIOD. Almost 1.5 inches in diameter, it will drown out that dorky little kid in the plane seat next to you playing Mario World.
+Motherboard design is awesome. It's just floating in the plastic with little regard for size. Obviously made by white people.
+Good d-pad and tactile feedback on buttons.
+Awesome library of arcade ports (Stun Runner foo)
-Screen really sucks and worsens with age, I think
-Doesn't work with the NiMH batteries I pulled out of my speedlite
-Current releases are stupid crap like "Pong"
-Doesn't play MP4s
-Doesn't play MP3s, for that matter
-Vengeful ghost of Jack Traimel permanently infused into hardware
GAME REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!
KLAX: Shockingly good, and played in "tate" mode. Sound effects and music are better than I remember the other console versions being. Alas it is no longer the 90s and there is no more time for Klax
ROBO SQUASH: Some incomprehensible puzzle mess that looks like an Apple IIGS shareware game.
STUN RUNNER: HOLY CRAP. Faithful port of the polygon-based arcade futuristic racer. Uses scaled sprites to approximate the speed in a brilliant fashion. All the voices are in there, too. Annihilates Amiga port.
ZARLOR MERCENARY: Top-down shmup that reminds me of Raptor: Call of the Shadows. Looks really amazing for a game with only 16 colors.
CHIP'S CHALLENGE: Seminal Lynx puzzle game. Tile-based stuff where you walk around, push crates (YES!) and get colored keys. Sounds shitty but is actually really fun, plus if you beat the game, "Chip" totally gets to nail the hottie from the Bit Busters computer club (as illustrated on the Japanese cover, CHIPPUSU CHARRENJI!):
"Congratulation Chip-san !! You beated last level, and join the club BIT BUSTER . Now we gonna do bukakke !!!"
SHANGHAI: I'm not playing this shit, my eyes are bad enough.
ELECTROCOP: Not-so-hot side scroller where a blue guy with a gun walks left and right (and INTO the screen with cool scaling effects). This was one of the first Lynx games, and I remember hearing that most of this game was done on an Amiga debug kit that ran 10 seconds to generate one frame, and the programmer only had one chance to play it at full speed, so you should be glad it's even playable at all.
SLIME WORLD: The best Lynx game ever released; quite possibly one of the best handheld games ever made. Side-scroller. Exploration (and unlimited lives) is the name of the game as Todd explores a weird underground maze packed with strange creatures and dripping boogers. Amazing special effects, unparalleled ComLynx co-op mode, total workout for the Mikey and Suzy graphics processors with scaling shit all over the place. Unlock the "pop the zit" minigame for extra fun!
THE VERDICT
The Lynx is an awesome system that was way ahead of its time. Sure, it had crappy battery life, but so does the PSP if you're playing networked GTA. With kick-ass, triple-A titles like Slime World and California Games, the Lynx is still worth picking up if you don't mind looking like an idiot in public and have a stack of Kirkland-brand AA batteries in the junk drawer.
"HAVE YOU PLAYED ATARI TODAY???"
Obviously not, because you assholes never bought it in the first place
