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[HP_Wuvcraft]

That's part of the reason my wife and I are debating about how and when to tell our son, if at all.

Not telling him is going to cause major problems down the line for both him and your relationship with him.

You don't hide a disorder from someone. It's their body, they deserve to know.

I haven't gotten involved in autism groups or anything, so can you elaborate on the Autism Speaks comment? I'm slightly familiar with them, but didn't know there was a negative aspect there.

They treat autism like it was cancer. They really have nobody with Autism on their board, they bully auties that speak out against them with legal bullshit, and there is that unsettling rumor that they try to "save" auties in much the same way PETA "saves" dogs and cats.

 

[deadlast]

Great post, btw. I won't pretend to understand all he's going through other than to say it sounds like he's treating his diagnosis as a death sentence when it's not. He's the same person today that he was yesterday. That's part of the reason my wife and I are debating about how and when to tell our son, if at all. He's the person we love unconditionally, and the label just helps us get him help and understand some of his behaviors. We don't want him living his life based on the belief that's he's limited or destined to be a certain way.

I haven't gotten involved in autism groups or anything, so can you elaborate on the Autism Speaks comment? I'm slightly familiar with them, but didn't know there was a negative aspect there.

There's a few autistic bloggers that dislike Autism Speaks. From what I can tell is Autism Speak is more concerned with causes and cures than helping autistic people learn how to function in society.

 

[HP_Wuvcraft]

There's a few autistic bloggers that dislike Autism Speaks. From what I can tell is Autism Speak is more concerned with causes and cures than helping autistic people learn how to function in society.

They are also more concerned with looking like industry leaders than actually giving a shit about people with autism.

 

[Tragicomedy]

Not telling him is going to cause major problems down the line for both him and your relationship with him.

You don't hide a disorder from someone. It's their body, they deserve to know.

He's much too young now to have any sort of discussion on the topic, and wouldn't understand what we were telling him yet. We have no concerns about our relationship with our son, since we support him 100% and are closer with him than any of our friends are with their NT kids.

I think our biggest hesitation stems from not wanting him to feel like he has to wear a label in life. I see eight year old kids at my son's therapy who explain away their bad behaviors with, "I can't help it, I have autism." We don't want him to feel that way, as if his life is predestined in any way or for him to come and rely on his diagnosis like a crutch.

He's young, and we have plenty of time to discuss the topic further, but right now we're leaning against bringing it up at all. Certainly until he's a good deal older.

They treat autism like it was cancer. They really have nobody with Autism on their board, they bully auties that speak out against them with legal bullshit, and there is that unsettling rumor that they try to "save" auties in much the same way PETA "saves" dogs and cats.

I suppose I have seen some of the focus on cure versus treatment and incorporation into society. We haven't really paid much attention to them, but I believe one of my wife's friends has tried to get us involved with them. We've spent the last six months just educating ourselves with books, studies, research, whatever we can find. I'm always highly questionable of the reliability of sources (comes from my line of work), so I'll be sure to look further into them before giving them any of our time or money.

That's particularly troubling about legal action and bullying against people who lobby against them, but sadly does not surprise me.

That last part is downright laughable. Pure bullshit.

 

[aett]

Sounds similar to my son's schedule except he does ABA five days a week and preschool four. His schedule removed any possibility of nap time, but he adjusted within a week. Assuming your son is three, kids start naturally phasing out nap time around that age. The side effect is my boy falls asleep more quickly at night since he's pretty worn out by then.

For the record, we were terrified the first day we sent him to preschool, and now it's his favorite thing in the world. He's the only special needs kid in a fully integrated classroom, with 9 kids and 3 teachers. One of the teachers basically helps him with anything he struggles with, and he is super affectionate and friendly with her. It's an awesome setup that I wish more places would incorporate.

On long weekends, my boy will come up to me with his shoes and ask me to take him. I hope your kid has a similar experience. Is his classroom integrated or mainly special ed?

My wife is terrified, but I've been really excited for him. Like I said, I expect it to be tough at first, but he'll get used to it soon and I just know he'll love it. It's a completely special ed program, but they spend time with the other kids at least once per week, and they evaluate them often to see if they can be fully integrated. At the IEP, they said that there's a chance that he could move into a different class partway through the semester if he does well.

I am sad to be losing naptime. The lengths were never consistent, but a good weekend nap would usually be around three hours long, which is easily the biggest solid block of free time that my wife and I have. We get a few chores done (mostly cleaning up a bit so the apartment doesn't look horrible after being home all day) and then my wife catches up on her TV shows from the week while I play on the PC instead of having to use handhelds. Our son still needs a lot of attention, so we can't just go about doing whatever we want even if he seems like he's completely absorbed in what he's doing.

 

[Tragicomedy]

I am sad to be losing naptime. The lengths were never consistent, but a good weekend nap would usually be around three hours long, which is easily the biggest solid block of free time that my wife and I have. We get a few chores done (mostly cleaning up a bit so the apartment doesn't look horrible after being home all day) and then my wife catches up on her TV shows from the week while I play on the PC instead of having to use handhelds. Our son still needs a lot of attention, so we can't just go about doing whatever we want even if he seems like he's completely absorbed in what he's doing.

I hear you there, 100%. The toughest part was losing 2+ hours of free time in our afternoons to just do whatever. Now we basically alternate taking turns doing activities with him, playing with him, running little ABA-lite sessions with him, etc.

On the positive side, not having to plan your day around a nap time can be liberating. We actually schedule a lot of our outings and fun activities for our son during his old nap time. It helps keep us sane to get out of the house during the weekend and try to expose him to new experiences and things. Our big project this winter is going to be skiing. I hope he loves it, but you never know.

 

[Ristlager]

This is a great thread. I really feal for everyone that has a child with this syndrom. My daughter is now 5 years old, but we have never gotten and probably will never get a diagnosis for her (not for the lack of trying, but the doctors are sadly clueless). She has always shown autistic tendencies, but sadly her problems are far severe. She is not close to talk, she does not even understand anything we tell her. She may or may not respond to her name, but I just think she just responds to the sound. She has no avereness of danger, so a stair is extremely dangerous, and to make it worse she loves to climb up on stuff (chairs, tables and etc) and when she is on top she just tries to climb higher i.e. the top back of the chair (and she is fast) so she needs to be constantly watched for her not to fall down and hurt here self severely. Her skillset is walking (stumbling/falling if there is anything in the way), drinking from a baby bottle (and then throwing/dropping it to the floor and eating one and one bite of food (if given more she just fumbles everything on the floor). And thats it she needs diapers, probably for the rest of her life) needs to be hand fed every meal and watched over every minute of the day.

She has no interest other than climbing on top of things, she responds to music and brightens up like a sun when she first hears it, but it only last some 20 minutes. TV doesn't do anything for her and books is just useless. So we have very huge troubles activating her on the weekends, she can have long episodes where she just sitts there and cries. She can not express what is troubling her, so it is a very troubling situation to be in as a parent. When she walks she usually walks towards the kitchen looking for food, and incident happends last night when we though she was safe she came into the livingroom carrying our breadslicing knife in the sharp area and putting the tip of the knife in her mouth. Luckily we got the knife out of her early enough to not let it harm her.

So it is extremely tolling on everything (relationship, health, and so on), but we get a lot of help which makes it manageble.

 

[aett]

I hear you there, 100%. The toughest part was losing 2+ hours of free time in our afternoons to just do whatever. Now we basically alternate taking turns doing activities with him, playing with him, running little ABA-lite sessions with him, etc.

On the positive side, not having to plan your day around a nap time can be liberating. We actually schedule a lot of our outings and fun activities for our son during his old nap time. It helps keep us sane to get out of the house during the weekend and try to expose him to new experiences and things. Our big project this winter is going to be skiing. I hope he loves it, but you never know.

I've heard from other parents as well about taking turns watching the kid so the other parent can do whatever they want or relax. I suggested it to my wife, who didn't hate it, but she admitted that she would feel terrible knowing that she's doing something fun for herself instead of being with him (even though he mostly ignores us completely while he plays) and especially if he threw a tantrum or something when it wasn't her turn to watch him. The tantrum stuff is the only part I personally agree with - it usually takes both of us to help calm him down, if only so we can tag-team.

I do like the idea of being able to do different things. Our weekends are pretty strict right now. It goes:

Mornings: Speech Therapy (Saturday), Shopping (Sunday)
Afternoons: Lunch, Nap
Late afternoon/evenings: Hang out/play for a bit, do more errands if necessary, then dinner/bath/story/bed

So yeah, it would be nice if we could have that time period to do something else without freaking out about him getting drowsy in the car before we get home for his nap.

 

[HP_Wuvcraft]

My daughter is now 5 years old, but we have never gotten and probably will never get a diagnosis for her. She has always shown autistic tendencies, but sadly here problems are far severe. She is not close to talk, she does not even understand anything we tell her. She may or may not respond to her name, but I just think she just responds to the sound. She has no avereness of danger, so a stair is extremely dangerous, and to make it worse she loves to climb up on stuff (chairs, tables and etc) and when she is on top she just tries to climb higher i.e. the top back of the chair (and she is fast) so she needs to be constantly watched for her not to fall down and hurt here self severely. Her skillset is walking (stumbling/falling if there is anything in the way), drinking from a baby bottle (and then throwing/dropping it to the floor and eating one and one bite of food (if given more she just fumbles everything on the floor). And thats it she needs diapers, probably for the rest of her life) needs to be hand fed every meal and watched over every minute of the day.

She has no interest other than climbing on top of things, she responds to music and brightens up like a sun when she first hears it, but it only last some 20 minutes. TV doesn't do anything for her and books is just useless. So we have very huge troubles activating her on the weekends, she can have long episodes where she just sitts there and cries. She can not express what is troubling her, so it is a very troubling situation to be in as a parent. When she walks she usually walks towards the kitchen looking for food, and incident happends last night when we though she was safe she came into the livingroom carrying our breadslicing knife in the sharp area and putting the tip of the knife in her mouth. Luckily we got the knife out of her early enough to not let it harm her.

So it is extremely tolling on everything (relationship, health, and so on), but we get a lot of help which makes it manageble.

After reading all of that, not getting her diagnosed and as such not getting proper help (via counseling, disability pay, etc.) pretty much amounts to child abuse. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but if she is that low end, it makes zero sense to not have her get an official diagnosis.

 

[Ristlager]

After reading all of that, not getting her diagnosed and as such not getting proper help (via counseling, disability pay, etc.) pretty much amounts to child abuse. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but if she is that low end, it makes zero sense to not have her get an official diagnosis.

Maybe i didn't write it correctly. But

She has been in and out of hospital for her whole life seeking answeres. Having had numerous test (every expert in our Norway has been consulted). Sadly some children will never get a diagnose, because their syndrom is so rare.

Edit. Changed my initial reactio.

 

[Ristlager]

I've heard from other parents as well about taking turns watching the kid so the other parent can do whatever they want or relax. I suggested it to my wife, who didn't hate it, but she admitted that she would feel terrible knowing that she's doing something fun for herself instead of being with him (even though he mostly ignores us completely while he plays) and especially if he threw a tantrum or something when it wasn't her turn to watch him. The tantrum stuff is the only part I personally agree with - it usually takes both of us to help calm him down, if only so we can tag-team.

I do like the idea of being able to do different things. Our weekends are pretty strict right now. It goes:

Mornings: Speech Therapy (Saturday), Shopping (Sunday)
Afternoons: Lunch, Nap
Late afternoon/evenings: Hang out/play for a bit, do more errands if necessary, then dinner/bath/story/bed

So yeah, it would be nice if we could have that time period to do something else without freaking out about him getting drowsy in the car before we get home for his nap.

I highly recommend this, especially for your girlfriend/wife. When you are sure your child is getting the care they need, finding time for yourself should be a high priority. The girls always have a hard time doing this, because they feel they are "more" attached the the child and does not easily let them go. And this (in my case) made her constantly tired. After we made some alterations on our schedule, I "forced" her outside to get back into her old activities. And this has helped tremendously on our (and ultimately our familys) relationship.

 

[ronitoswife]

Ronito - what does your son do to entertain himself ?

He loves to open and close things. So he will line up playsets that have doors and windows and just open and close them and look at them in all different angles. He used to surround himself with board books and just open and close them. Now he seems to look at the pictures for a second but he still likes to flip the pages. There's been a few times where I've gone in to get him after nap time and his bed is covered in books. Cars and trains are his new thing now.

 

[deadlast]

I know there are a few ABA therapist on GAF. I have question for you, does potty training fall under ABA or occupational therapy ?

I think we might try to get one of those therapies if he keeps having trouble with the potty. I hate to push him, but this is a life skill.

 

[Captain Tuttle]

I know there are a few ABA therapist on GAF. I have question for you, does potty training fall under ABA or occupational therapy ?

I think we might try to get one of those therapies if he keeps having trouble with the potty. I hate to push him, but this is a life skill.

He just turned three right? I wouldn't sweat it yet although if you can have some therapy help go for it! But three is about average for typical children I think, my son was 4 as was my daughter (she's typical).

 

[deadlast]

He just turned three right? I wouldn't sweat it yet although if you can have some therapy help go for it! But three is about average for typical children I think, my son was 4 as was my daughter (she's typical).

4 is 6 months away. I need a back up plan in case I keep failing. It also didn't help that his DR said we need to get him help for that.

 

[Tragicomedy]

4 is 6 months away. I need a back up plan in case I keep failing. It also didn't help that his DR said we need to get him help for that.

My son is nearing three and a half and not potty trained yet. We're more to blame than anything since we aren't pushing him as hard on it as we could. He gets very frustrated when it comes to using the bathroom, particularly pooping. No problems going in his pants, though.

The wife and I have committed to it this year. Stay positive. Anything before four is probably an accomplishment.

 

[ronito]

Dude, there's plenty of non-developmentally delayed kids that take til 4. I wouldn't sweat it too much/get discouraged. Hang in there man!

 

[Captain Tuttle]

How do you guys handle brushing teeth? It's always been difficult for my son, his gums are super sensitive.

 

[Tragicomedy]

How do you guys handle brushing teeth? It's always been difficult for my son, his gums are super sensitive.

We're fortunate that hasn't been an issue, but it sounds quite common. The best bet I can think of would be to get a super soft brush and do gentle strokes with it. Maybe get one of those soothing sensory brushes and rub it across his arm while brushing his teeth?

 

[deadlast]

How do you guys handle brushing teeth? It's always been difficult for my son, his gums are super sensitive.

Do you have to bush his teeth or can he do it?

We can't use regular toothpaste (toddler one is what we use) because my son doesn't spit out the toothpaste residue.

Have you looked into sensitive toothpaste for kids? I have a buddy that's a dentist and I sent him an email asking if they have such a thing.

 

[Captain Tuttle]

We're fortunate that hasn't been an issue, but it sounds quite common. The best bet I can think of would be to get a super soft brush and do gentle strokes with it. Maybe get one of those soothing sensory brushes and rub it across his arm while brushing his teeth?

Do you have to bush his teeth or can he do it?

We can't use regular toothpaste (toddler one is what we use) because my son doesn't spit out the toothpaste residue.

Have you looked into sensitive toothpaste for kids? I have a buddy that's a dentist and I sent him an email asking if they have such a thing.

We seem to have actually found a solution; he brushes his teeth while he's in the shower; I guess the water hitting him distracts him enough where the brushing doesn't bother him. We've even graduated to one of those mechanical spinning toothbrushes. It's been a struggle up until then though, I would usually do it for him or my wife. As he got older he understood the importance of it, he just couldn't bear the feeling.

I was just curious if you guys had run into it.

 

[deadlast]

So I'm the preferred parent for my Autistic son.

If given a choice between parents, my son almost always chooses me to do stuff with him or for him. When I'm not available, then mommy will do. This preferred status is a double edge sword. I seem to be the only one who can settle my son down in the wee hours of the morning when wakes up with a request.

Does anyone else's kid have a parental preference?

 

[aett]

So I'm the preferred parent for my Autistic son.

If given a choice between parents, my son almost always chooses me to do stuff with him or for him. When I'm not available, then mommy will do. This preferred status is a double edge sword. I seem to be the only one who can settle my son down in the wee hours of the morning when wakes up with a request.

Does anyone else's kid have a parental preference?

My son tends to default to mommy, but I'm a bit better at calming him down because I'm a bit more patient and I'm good at doing physical stuff to distract him and make him happy (spinning him around, pinning him down to blow raspberries on his tummy, etc.).

 

[Tragicomedy]

So I'm the preferred parent for my Autistic son.

If given a choice between parents, my son almost always chooses me to do stuff with him or for him. When I'm not available, then mommy will do. This preferred status is a double edge sword. I seem to be the only one who can settle my son down in the wee hours of the morning when wakes up with a request.

Does anyone else's kid have a parental preference?

Most definitely. My son is very attached to my wife and wants to be with her all the time when we're at home. He asks her to sit on the couch together, by which he means cuddling on her lap. Whenever my wife laughs, regardless of the reason or circumstances, he comes dashing in the room and wants to see what is making her so happy. In the past three months, he has grown very affectionate of her and loves to hug and kiss her.

My son is very close and affectionate with me, but it's a whole different tier with my wife. They have a super strong bond and I'm grateful for it, though it does wear my wife down from time to time.

I'm probably better at calming my son down. I get down to his level, ask him to look into my eyes, then very calmly explain what's going on or ask him what he needs. He tends to calm down very quickly around me, so I've taken that on as one of my roles.

 

[deadlast]

This question is for parent and those on the spectrum.

Does the full moon have any impact on people on the spectrum?

My son seems to be a bit more wound up during the full moon. I would like to believe this is just a coincidence, but it happens every full moon.

 

[The One Who Knocks]

This question is for parent and those on the spectrum.

Does the full moon have any impact on people on the spectrum?

My son seems to be a bit more wound up during the full moon. I would like to believe this is just a coincidence, but it happens every full moon.

I can't say I've noticed my mood varying with the apparent size of the moon in the sky so I am pretty sure it is just a coincidence (I have absolutely no belief in astrology). Could you clarify what exactly you mean by "wound up"? If you mean more excitable, it's possible that the moon's appearance is of interest to him, but other than that I would imagine it's solely a coincidence. Are there any other events that occured around the full moons that may have caused it (which is far more likely)? Another possibility is that you may be experiencing confirmation bias, having noticed that your child was in an elevated 'wound up' state around this time, noticed it subsequently, and then noticed any slightly elevated behaviour around these times while disregarding any potentially elevated behaviour (or unknowingly downplaying it) outside of these times, leading to the conclusion that it happens every full moon (that is, assuming that any interest in the full moon on his part is not leading to the behaviour). I'd hypothesize that his behaviour is relatively consistent, and it's only noticing it once or twice that has led you to consider a link (thus looking for signs of an elevated mood), and overlook other times where behaviour may have been equally as elevated without a full moon.

I just wish to make it abundantly clear that I mean no disrespect with the above; I, of course, am not completely aware of the entire situation surrounding yourself, your son, and his mood patterns, I'm only trying to offer, what I consider, two logical possibilities (an interest in the moon, and searching for a pattern that isn't actually there similar to the "Sugar Rush" myth). Ultimately, unless it's an interest in the moon, and there is nothing else routinely occuring with the full moon, I would be pretty confident that it is just a coincidence.

 

[Captain Tuttle]

This question is for parent and those on the spectrum.

Does the full moon have any impact on people on the spectrum?

My son seems to be a bit more wound up during the full moon. I would like to believe this is just a coincidence, but it happens every full moon.

I've never noticed anything but I've had EMT's, ER nurses and the like swear up and down to me that things get crazy around a full moon.

 

[HP_Wuvcraft]

ParentGAF:

Get your kids into early training.

Physical, verbal, therapy, whatever you need to do.

I've had it up to here dealing with kids that are so under-prepared for the world because their parents didn't know how to get them help early on.

Over the past two days, I'd had to deal with some really... interesting... people in my group that obviously were just dropped off by parents that just "needed a break".

 

[deadlast]

ParentGAF:

Get your kids into early training.

Physical, verbal, therapy, whatever you need to do.

I've had it up to here dealing with kids that are so under-prepared for the world because their parents didn't know how to get them help early on.

Over the past two days, I'd had to deal with some really... interesting... people in my group that obviously were just dropped off by parents that just "needed a break".

Agreed. My son has been getting speech therapy for over 18 months now and his communication abilities have gone through the roof. He will probably required speech for the rest of his youth.

Also his social skills are pretty good, but he has 2 brothers that bookend him by 20 months in age. So he is constantly having to navigate small social situations. Larger groups are still very difficult for him.

HP- what group stuff are you talking about?

 

[HP_Wuvcraft]

It's good he has brothers, better if they understand him.

My AS Group.

 

[Captain Tuttle]

ParentGAF:

Get your kids into early training.

Physical, verbal, therapy, whatever you need to do.

I've had it up to here dealing with kids that are so under-prepared for the world because their parents didn't know how to get them help early on.

Over the past two days, I'd had to deal with some really... interesting... people in my group that obviously were just dropped off by parents that just "needed a break".

My son has been getting services since he was 2 1/2 so we're good on that front, I really think it's made a world of difference.

How old are the people in your group that you've been dealing with?

 

[HP_Wuvcraft]

Some go up to 40.

Most of them are more developmentally stunted than me, but a few are that way because nobody helped them.

 

[Mistel]

Some go up to 40.

Most of them are more developmentally stunted than me, but a few are that way because nobody helped them.

As i've got no one else to compare myself to, how like bad are they?

 

[HP_Wuvcraft]

As i've got no one else to compare myself to, how like bad are they?

What are you actually asking?

There's no way to tell you "these older people are like this, you'll be like this".

 

[Mistel]

What are you actually asking?

There's no way to tell you "these older people are like this, you'll be like this".

You said they where developmentally stunted, i'm just curious about how severe it is.

 

[HP_Wuvcraft]

One of the guys in the group probably has the mental age of someone ten years younger. Another had a tremendously hard time with the difference between offensive remarks by mistake and misinterpretation.

 

[aett]

I need a little advice. Here's the backstory:

Between work, commute, speech therapy, occupational therapy, and the usual stuff like meals, bathtime, and bedtime, our schedule with our son is very busy. My wife and I don't have much time for leisure activities, but we like to play portable games while my son watches a movie or plays with toys in the living room. Specifically, my wife loves to play Animal Crossing on her 3DS.

Unfortunately, the game caught the attention of our son. At first it was really cute - he would get excited whenever she would pull out "mommy's game" and he would want to sit with her on the couch and watch her play. She would occasionally go out of her way to talk to characters that he liked or do little things that made him laugh. Over time, however, he started asking her to do these things, and then he started to nearly demand it (more like "strongly suggest"). "Open the blue door," "Talk to owl," that sort of thing, and he would get frustrated if she didn't comply quickly. Of course, this has ruined most of the fun of the game for my wife, especially since she can't spend time doing something like fishing, because our son would get bored of that.

I have my own 3DS and my own (digital) copy of Animal Crossing, so when our son started sucking the fun out of my wife's free time, I took the bullet and lured our son over to me by having him watch ME play "Daddy's blue game". This didn't keep his interest for long - he likes to default to my wife, and he prefers seeing her avatar (which he also calls "Mommy"). So I decided to give him basic instructions on how to control the game himself, since there's no way to lose or anything. Lately, I've been sitting at my desk with him in my lap. He has the 3DS on the desk in front of us and he is gradually getting better at using the analog stick to move around but he still gets stuck at most doors or in corners, but he finds it funny when he accidentally runs in circles. While he does this, I'm free to play a game or surf the internet on my computer. The downside is that my desk is in the living room where we spend most of our free time, and if my wife tries to play her 3DS, our son will ditch me and go to her.

She's understandably upset because this is basically her one hobby, apart from watching her TV shows, which she can only do during the small window between his bedtime and HER bedtime. I have an old DS Lite with a copy of the DS Animal Crossing and I was thinking of getting our son to play that on his own, but he's clever enough to know the difference between the games and he's still likely to prefer being with my wife.

Does anyone know of a way to make him stop taking over my wife's game? We've thought about getting him a 2DS, but that's an expensive option, and he would still default to my wife any time she started playing her own copy.

 

[Captain Tuttle]

Is it possible that your son is more interested in your wife than in the video game? Has she tried to do something else with him? Maybe a different game, something co-op like Minecraft? Maybe a board game or a puzzle?

It leads to an interesting subject though, one that my wife and I have struggled with. My son, who's 8, loves his video games, plays them a lot (only after taking care of homework, chores and other commitments though). We've often wondered if we're being too indulgent. One of the things we've realized though is the confidence it gives him; video games are one of the few things that he feels comfortable talking about with other people. Talking about Minecraft with other kids in his class has been really helpful for him, let's him feel like he's part of a group of friends (honestly he is, Minecraft is the glue that holds them together, they're a very diverse group). He's at such a vulnerable age we want to give him every opportunity to be happy, to build confidence; sometimes we worry about it though, whether it's too much.

 

[Tragicomedy]

My son just recently became interested in "playing games on daddy's tablet." We play mainly educational games together, like memory, matching, tracing, identifying, and matching stuff (his favorite game is Monkey Preschool Lunchbox).

We purchased him a LeapPad Explorer 2 for Christmas and, here's the part that will SHOCK you, he's really not that interested in it compared to my Nexus tablet. I think he likes the security of sitting on my lap and having me there to show him how to do things the first time, and help him when he hits the wrong part of the screen and accidentally closes the game.

Long story short: I don't really know what's the optimal answer to your situation. My wife and I have basically given up on gaming altogether in the last six months since, like you, our schedule is dominated by our son's multiple therapies, transit, and doing activities and playing with him at home. I sometimes find an hour or so late at night to play on my computer or Vita, but it's pretty dang rare. My wife doesn't game at all anymore.

I think anything you can do to encourage socialization and "playing together" is a good thing, with the caveat that limiting your son's exposure to screen time is a safe bet. Several of the studies I've seen on autism say that kids on the spectrum are more likely to become addicted to video games and screen-based activities compared to their NT peers, which is crazy when you consider how addicted almost every kid can get to gaming, TV, movies, etc. I let my son play for 10-20 minutes a day with me by him, and counting TV shows he probably watches an hour or so a day. As he gets older that may increase, but we're keeping close tabs on it for now.

 

[deadlast]

My son used to love where's my water. He wanted me to play with him and such. He would demand I play the game, demand my iPhone. It became a chore. So I deleted from my phone. And Once he got an idevice of his on I put the game on there. He plays the game sometimes with his brother but never asks for my phone.

Another note, my son has a very strong sense of ownership. If something is daddy's, then that object is daddy's and no one else's. This has helped him not demand items from me but it hurts his ability to share.

Anyway, I think he needs his own DS and it should look like his moms.

Also, I only play games after 8pm. 3 kids keep me busy.

 

[aett]

Is it possible that your son is more interested in your wife than in the video game? Has she tried to do something else with him? Maybe a different game, something co-op like Minecraft? Maybe a board game or a puzzle?

We still play with him and do other activities, but like I said, if she's not currently playing the game (or if he's not playing mine) then he will go find it and bring it to her. When we hide it, he goes looking for my 3DS, and he'll get upset when he can't find that one either. These tantrums can lead to him banging his head on us or the wood floor, so we always get scared when he gets into that kind of mood.

My son just recently became interested in "playing games on daddy's tablet." We play mainly educational games together, like memory, matching, tracing, identifying, and matching stuff (his favorite game is Monkey Preschool Lunchbox).

My wife's grandmother actually bought our son an iPad Mini about a month before Christmas because he was using one during his ABA sessions. He loved it for that month leading up to Christmas - and his favorite game was also Monkey Preschool Lunchbox - but then he got bombarded with too many gifts from relatives due to his birthday being on December 23. He spent a couple of weeks focused on all the new stuff. When he's playing with toys and puzzles, he actually prefers to be left alone and he gets cranky if we try to play with him, which is why we've moved most of his favorite stuff to the living room, so that we can do other things or even do chores while he plays. (The exception being TV - if we try to watch TV and it's not one of his shows or movies, he gets upset, so we keep it off most of the time.) It's just been over the last week or so that my wife got back into Animal Crossing and he started focusing solely on that and much less on his new toys.

Long story short: I don't really know what's the optimal answer to your situation. My wife and I have basically given up on gaming altogether in the last six months since, like you, our schedule is dominated by our son's multiple therapies, transit, and doing activities and playing with him at home. I sometimes find an hour or so late at night to play on my computer or Vita, but it's pretty dang rare. My wife doesn't game at all anymore.

Like you, I do most of my gaming late at night. My wife is rarely able to keep herself up past 10 or 10:30 so I often stay up until midnight or so if I want to play something. I think my wife is getting a little jealous because I'm a night owl so I have that option of free time, and if our son is playing my 3DS I can play a game on my PC and if he's using HER 3DS I can do whatever I want, but she's not even able to play her own 3DS even if he's playing mine because he prefers doing it with her.

I think anything you can do to encourage socialization and "playing together" is a good thing, with the caveat that limiting your son's exposure to screen time is a safe bet. Several of the studies I've seen on autism say that kids on the spectrum are more likely to become addicted to video games and screen-based activities compared to their NT peers, which is crazy when you consider how addicted almost every kid can get to gaming, TV, movies, etc. I let my son play for 10-20 minutes a day with me by him, and counting TV shows he probably watches an hour or so a day. As he gets older that may increase, but we're keeping close tabs on it for now.

He definitely gets hooked on screens such as the 3DS and his iPad, but less so with the TV. He almost never focuses on a show or movie for more than 30 minutes before he starts playing with his toys or whatever, but he still likes having his program on in the background. He's getting really good about us pausing or stopping the program if we give him a 2-5 minute warning ("After the whale swallows Marlin and Dory, it's time for nap/story/potty").

 

[JeTmAn81]

I need a little advice. Here's the backstory:

Between work, commute, speech therapy, occupational therapy, and the usual stuff like meals, bathtime, and bedtime, our schedule with our son is very busy. My wife and I don't have much time for leisure activities, but we like to play portable games while my son watches a movie or plays with toys in the living room. Specifically, my wife loves to play Animal Crossing on her 3DS.

Unfortunately, the game caught the attention of our son. At first it was really cute - he would get excited whenever she would pull out "mommy's game" and he would want to sit with her on the couch and watch her play. She would occasionally go out of her way to talk to characters that he liked or do little things that made him laugh. Over time, however, he started asking her to do these things, and then he started to nearly demand it (more like "strongly suggest"). "Open the blue door," "Talk to owl," that sort of thing, and he would get frustrated if she didn't comply quickly. Of course, this has ruined most of the fun of the game for my wife, especially since she can't spend time doing something like fishing, because our son would get bored of that.

I have my own 3DS and my own (digital) copy of Animal Crossing, so when our son started sucking the fun out of my wife's free time, I took the bullet and lured our son over to me by having him watch ME play "Daddy's blue game". This didn't keep his interest for long - he likes to default to my wife, and he prefers seeing her avatar (which he also calls "Mommy"). So I decided to give him basic instructions on how to control the game himself, since there's no way to lose or anything. Lately, I've been sitting at my desk with him in my lap. He has the 3DS on the desk in front of us and he is gradually getting better at using the analog stick to move around but he still gets stuck at most doors or in corners, but he finds it funny when he accidentally runs in circles. While he does this, I'm free to play a game or surf the internet on my computer. The downside is that my desk is in the living room where we spend most of our free time, and if my wife tries to play her 3DS, our son will ditch me and go to her.

She's understandably upset because this is basically her one hobby, apart from watching her TV shows, which she can only do during the small window between his bedtime and HER bedtime. I have an old DS Lite with a copy of the DS Animal Crossing and I was thinking of getting our son to play that on his own, but he's clever enough to know the difference between the games and he's still likely to prefer being with my wife.

Does anyone know of a way to make him stop taking over my wife's game? We've thought about getting him a 2DS, but that's an expensive option, and he would still default to my wife any time she started playing her own copy.

Does he respond to boundary-setting? It sounds like he wants to be in charge of what's going on in mom's game. While that's great if he's playing his own game, kids obviously need to know that they don't get to decide what others do. What happens if you tell him that it's mommy's time to control the game and he can watch but he doesn't get to tell her what to do?

 

[aett]

Does he respond to boundary-setting? It sounds like he wants to be in charge of what's going on in mom's game. While that's great if he's playing his own game, kids obviously need to know that they don't get to decide what others do. What happens if you tell him that it's mommy's time to control the game and he can watch but he doesn't get to tell her what to do?

Honestly, I'm not sure. I think my wife would probably prefer to not deal with that at all since it's supposed to be an object of relaxation for her and not a training tool. I'll suggest it to her, though.

 

[Captain Tuttle]

Has anyone in here tried Therapeutic Horseback Riding, for yourselves or for your children? We have a pony for my daughter and lately we've been putting my son on him after lessons and walking with him on some local trails. He loves it and it seems to be building his core strength which is something he lacks. It also helps his balance quite a bit.

 

[deadlast]

Has anyone in here tried Therapeutic Horseback Riding, for yourselves or for your children? We have a pony for my daughter and lately we've been putting my son on him after lessons and walking with him on some local trails. He loves it and it seems to be building his core strength which is something he lacks. It also helps his balance quite a bit.

We are planning on trying it this summer.

 

[HP_Wuvcraft]

One of the people in my group is getting evicted due to her behavior. We're helping her get legal help. This type of shit is illegal and immoral.

Has anyone in here tried Therapeutic Horseback Riding, for yourselves or for your children? We have a pony for my daughter and lately we've been putting my son on him after lessons and walking with him on some local trails. He loves it and it seems to be building his core strength which is something he lacks. It also helps his balance quite a bit.

I did this. It was horrible. I hated it. Not just in the sense that I didn't like it. I hated the feeling of being on the horse. It moving. It going fast. I still to this day can't deal with going fast in a car. It's a big reason why I can't do highways.

If he already likes it, that's great. But make sure it's more of an ultra-relaxed setting. I was so tense just because it seemed like a chore.

 

[Tragicomedy]

I did this. It was horrible. I hated it. Not just in the sense that I didn't like it. I hated the feeling of being on the horse. It moving. It going fast. I still to this day can't deal with going fast in a car. It's a big reason why I can't do highways.

If he already likes it, that's great. But make sure it's more of an ultra-relaxed setting. I was so tense just because it seemed like a chore.

My son loves car rides in general (including the highway), but the one time we put him on a pony he wanted off immediately and wasn't interested in getting back on.

It's always a good idea to keep trying new things with your kids, because you never know what might stick. We struck out with our first skiing attempt (probably too young), but climbing rocks and obstacle courses has become a big hit. Try, try, try again is our motto.

 

[mr jones]

Some of those are symptoms of a possible autism diagnosis, but alone they don't confirm it. Lining up of toys is indicative of pattern- seeking, which my son also does. It's likely about creating order in a chaotic world. The textural issues with food are also very common, and my son is particularly picky about anything wet or sticky.

Definitely get your kid tested. Have you had his hearing formally tested? It's important to rule out hearing problems as being the root cause for lack of speech or socialization.

If your kid is diagnosed on the spectrum, don't lose hope. School systems in almost every state are required to provide help and free services starting at three. Many insurance companies will provide ABA, speech, and occupational therapy.

We're fortunate in that our boy is getting 14 hours a week of structured therapy and another 12 hours a week of early intervention preschool where he's completely integrated with normally developing kids. I pay a whopping $40 a month for all that even though the bill comes out to 4 grand. The key is get your kid diagnosed ASAP. If they're on the spectrum, you have to fight for them and become their biggest advocate in everything. I spent several months fighting tooth and nail to get everything lined up for my boy. Don't take no for an answer.

Finally, you aren't alone and aren't too blame for whatever the diagnosis is. There are online and in person support groups all over the country.

My little boy is autistic.

He was diagnosed last week. My girlfriend took it rather hard. She's doing much better now. I don't know how I feel. I've been rather numb over the last few days. I've actually noticed that I've sort of withdrawn from folks, because they have questions that I have no idea how to answer. The girlfriend is a superwoman, and has already started getting lists of centers that deal with children with special needs, and has the whole ABA treatments and all that. I would be screwed without her, because I don't think I'd be able to handle this. It just sucks because we've already been dealing with a strained relationship because of frustrations and lack of sleep.

 

[deadlast]

My little boy is autistic.

He was diagnosed last week. My girlfriend took it rather hard. She's doing much better now. I don't know how I feel. I've been rather numb over the last few days. I've actually noticed that I've sort of withdrawn from folks, because they have questions that I have no idea how to answer. The girlfriend is a superwoman, and has already started getting lists of centers that deal with children with special needs, and has the whole ABA treatments and all that. I would be screwed without her, because I don't think I'd be able to handle this. It just sucks because we've already been dealing with a strained relationship because of frustrations and lack of sleep.

Your woman sounds amazing. My wife does all of the foot work for researching stuff for my son. She's pretty fucking amazing.

Be sure you guys contact infants and toddlers and child find, they are programs through the county that will provide free services. We're using child find to get OT, PT and speech for our son.

Good luck man. It is a wild ride.

 

[Tragicomedy]

My little boy is autistic.

He was diagnosed last week. My girlfriend took it rather hard. She's doing much better now. I don't know how I feel. I've been rather numb over the last few days. I've actually noticed that I've sort of withdrawn from folks, because they have questions that I have no idea how to answer. The girlfriend is a superwoman, and has already started getting lists of centers that deal with children with special needs, and has the whole ABA treatments and all that. I would be screwed without her, because I don't think I'd be able to handle this. It just sucks because we've already been dealing with a strained relationship because of frustrations and lack of sleep.

The first week after we got our son's diagnosis was incredibly rough. Even though I already had a strong idea he was on the spectrum, I got so thoroughly depressed that I asked my boss for a full week of work (he was thankfully good with that). I didn't want to get out of bed, and spent most of the day pondering what it meant for my boy's future. I spent way too much time theorizing about his struggles and all the things he might never experience, and really got into a rut.

What got me out of it was realizing that it was up to my wife and me to do everything in our power to help him. That became my biggest focus in life, so I spent a ton of time researching, making phone calls, and getting my boy set up in ABA, speech, and OT. I had to fight through a few significant hoops with our military insurance, and based on our circumstances they changed our upcoming move from Germany to Colorado (where there were more treatment options available).

Long story, short: what you're feeling right now is perfectly normal. As a parent, you want nothing but the absolute happiest and most fulfilling life for you kid, and an autism diagnosis can seem to place a heavy cloud over all that. My advice is to focus on your kid's strengths, the things that make him happy, and then start ramping up all the intervention stuff that can help him with life skills, socializing, communication, etc.

You have a very long journey ahead of you. The key will be to get your kid help and then focus on the progress he makes. Don't focus on his shortcomings where he may lag behind peers. Focus on his strengths and how quickly he improves in other areas. There are certain areas where my son is advanced well past his peers (for instance, he can sight read ~150 words as a three year old, does simple math, and has a keen eye for patterns and shapes). There are certain areas where my son is still significantly behind his peers (mainly socialization and pragmatic communication), but he's making huge strides there.

Don't worry about where your kid starts, worry about his journey and where it leads. Progress and growth is the key.