Support NeoGAF

[PirateKing]

I fix computers for family members, but every now and then a friend or acquaintance asks me for help and I relent. A few years ago I was fixing a laptop for a female acquaintance of mine; mid 20s, white brunette, kind of nerdy cute type. She told me that her little brother was using the laptop and downloaded a bunch of porn on it; I know her brother and can confirm he's a dumbass BTW. Naturally the kid was looking at shady websites instead of using streaming sites like a boss.

So I cleaned the computer up and she stopped by my place to pick it up. She awkwardly asked "so...what type of porn was on there lol..." so I mentioned that it was mainly big boob stuff. She told me she was moving to her own place and wouldn't have to worry about her brother fucking up her laptop again. That was that...

Fast forward to 5 months later. Once again she asks for computer help, but this time it's a BSOD related issue. I take the laptop home and in the process of googling solutions I realize there's a shit ton of porn in the search history. Basically it boiled down to:

-big black cock
-big latino dick
-interracial porn
-girl massage porn
-James Deen

All within the last 3-5 months, during a period in which I knew her brother wasn't using her computer. I spent the next couple days trying to find a way to bring this up without seeming creepy or giving her an easy "oh my brother did that" lie to use. The next week she came over, I told her I fixed everything...and I casually asked how her brother was doing. She said he was fine and mentioned she was glad that he wasn't around to ruin her computer anymore. My trap had been sprung. I felt a tingling in my pants and moved to the next step.

me: oh really? I just assumed he had been using the computer again...anyway, it's fixed now

Her face immediately shifted like

and she clearly knew that I knew she was looking at porn. I gave her a sly smile and changed the subject to something else, but shortly thereafter she admitted she looked at porn, and then said "you aren't going to pretend like you've never looked at porn, let's be real. Is this about you making fun of me?" I looked her dead in the eyes and said actually it's about ethics in gaming journalism.

Braaaaaah 10/10

 

[SystemShock2]

As a guy, never heard about the shower thing either. This just made me think of that scene from American Beauty of Kevin Spacey jerking it in the shower, a movie 10 plus years old. I don't think this is the norm. Also, shower water does not a good lubricant make

I immediately thought of Lester Burnham.

I used to jerk it in the shower pretty often but stopped because it generally created more of a mess.

 

[Vermillion]

I fix computers for family members, but every now and then a friend or acquaintance asks me for help and I relent. A few years ago I was fixing a laptop for a female acquaintance of mine; mid 20s, white brunette, kind of nerdy cute type. She told me that her little brother was using the laptop and downloaded a bunch of porn on it; I know her brother and can confirm he's a dumbass BTW. Naturally the kid was looking at shady websites instead of using streaming sites like a boss.

So I cleaned the computer up and she stopped by my place to pick it up. She awkwardly asked "so...what type of porn was on there lol..." so I mentioned that it was mainly big boob stuff. She told me she was moving to her own place and wouldn't have to worry about her brother fucking up her laptop again. That was that...

Fast forward to 5 months later. Once again she asks for computer help, but this time it's a BSOD related issue. I take the laptop home and in the process of googling solutions I realize there's a shit ton of porn in the search history. Basically it boiled down to:

-big black cock
-big latino dick
-interracial porn
-girl massage porn
-James Deen

All within the last 3-5 months, during a period in which I knew her brother wasn't using her computer. I spent the next couple days trying to find a way to bring this up without seeming creepy or giving her an easy "oh my brother did that" lie to use. The next week she came over, I told her I fixed everything...and I casually asked how her brother was doing. She said he was fine and mentioned she was glad that he wasn't around to ruin her computer anymore. My trap had been sprung. I felt a tingling in my pants and moved to the next step.

me: oh really? I just assumed he had been using the computer again...anyway, it's fixed now

Her face immediately shifted like

and she clearly knew that I knew she was looking at porn. I gave her a sly smile and changed the subject to something else, but shortly thereafter she admitted she looked at porn, and then said "you aren't going to pretend like you've never looked at porn, let's be real. Is this about you making fun of me?" I looked her dead in the eyes and said actually it's about ethics in gaming journalism.

I love you

 

[Dreams-Visions]

I fix computers for family members, but every now and then a friend or acquaintance asks me for help and I relent. A few years ago I was fixing a laptop for a female acquaintance of mine; mid 20s, white brunette, kind of nerdy cute type. She told me that her little brother was using the laptop and downloaded a bunch of porn on it; I know her brother and can confirm he's a dumbass BTW. Naturally the kid was looking at shady websites instead of using streaming sites like a boss.

So I cleaned the computer up and she stopped by my place to pick it up. She awkwardly asked "so...what type of porn was on there lol..." so I mentioned that it was mainly big boob stuff. She told me she was moving to her own place and wouldn't have to worry about her brother fucking up her laptop again. That was that...

Fast forward to 5 months later. Once again she asks for computer help, but this time it's a BSOD related issue. I take the laptop home and in the process of googling solutions I realize there's a shit ton of porn in the search history. Basically it boiled down to:

-big black cock
-big latino dick
-interracial porn
-girl massage porn
-James Deen

All within the last 3-5 months, during a period in which I knew her brother wasn't using her computer. I spent the next couple days trying to find a way to bring this up without seeming creepy or giving her an easy "oh my brother did that" lie to use. The next week she came over, I told her I fixed everything...and I casually asked how her brother was doing. She said he was fine and mentioned she was glad that he wasn't around to ruin her computer anymore. My trap had been sprung. I felt a tingling in my pants and moved to the next step.

me: oh really? I just assumed he had been using the computer again...anyway, it's fixed now

Her face immediately shifted like

and she clearly knew that I knew she was looking at porn. I gave her a sly smile and changed the subject to something else, but shortly thereafter she admitted she looked at porn, and then said "you aren't going to pretend like you've never looked at porn, let's be real. Is this about you making fun of me?" I looked her dead in the eyes and said actually it's about ethics in gaming journalism.

*slow claps*

 

[Finalow]

this thread is toty material.

 

[PFD]

wtf is going on in this thread

 

[Sub_Level]

Why the fuck did you open the laptop

To be sure I saw what I thought I saw. Wasn't sure at first. What about it?

 

[Nobility]

PD took this thread to the next level.

Nolan himself couldn't pull off that twist.

 

[Rayis]

We can be quite loud when we do it so we have to be a LOT more discreet than men

 

[Sub_Level]

We can be quite loud when we do it so we have to be a LOT more discreet than men

Fox only
No items

 

[bananafactory]

wtf is going on in this thread

Greatness.

 

[Sch1sm]

wtf is going on in this thread

To sum it up:

 

[terrisus]

It bears repeating, but I think the thing getting lost in this whole "female/woman" discussion is the fact that the OP basically is looking at women as if they are some foreign creature to be observed, studied, recorded, pondered over, and marvelled at.

EDIT: Sorry, I know we kind of moved on to other things >.>

 

[Cody_D165]

I fix computers for family members, but every now and then a friend or acquaintance asks me for help and I relent. A few years ago I was fixing a laptop for a female acquaintance of mine; mid 20s, white brunette, kind of nerdy cute type. She told me that her little brother was using the laptop and downloaded a bunch of porn on it; I know her brother and can confirm he's a dumbass BTW. Naturally the kid was looking at shady websites instead of using streaming sites like a boss.

So I cleaned the computer up and she stopped by my place to pick it up. She awkwardly asked "so...what type of porn was on there lol..." so I mentioned that it was mainly big boob stuff. She told me she was moving to her own place and wouldn't have to worry about her brother fucking up her laptop again. That was that...

Fast forward to 5 months later. Once again she asks for computer help, but this time it's a BSOD related issue. I take the laptop home and in the process of googling solutions I realize there's a shit ton of porn in the search history. Basically it boiled down to:

-big black cock
-big latino dick
-interracial porn
-girl massage porn
-James Deen

All within the last 3-5 months, during a period in which I knew her brother wasn't using her computer. I spent the next couple days trying to find a way to bring this up without seeming creepy or giving her an easy "oh my brother did that" lie to use. The next week she came over, I told her I fixed everything...and I casually asked how her brother was doing. She said he was fine and mentioned she was glad that he wasn't around to ruin her computer anymore. My trap had been sprung. I felt a tingling in my pants and moved to the next step.

me: oh really? I just assumed he had been using the computer again...anyway, it's fixed now

Her face immediately shifted like

and she clearly knew that I knew she was looking at porn. I gave her a sly smile and changed the subject to something else, but shortly thereafter she admitted she looked at porn, and then said "you aren't going to pretend like you've never looked at porn, let's be real. Is this about you making fun of me?" I looked her dead in the eyes and said actually it's about ethics in gaming journalism.

I'M FUCKING DEAD

TOSS MY BODY IN A COFFIN AND BURY THAT SON OF A BITCH BECAUSE THIS FUCKING POST KILLED ME

 

["D"]

It bears repeating, but I think the thing getting lost in this whole "female/woman" discussion is the fact that the OP basically is looking at women as if they are some foreign creature to be observed, studied, recorded, pondered over, and marvelled at.

*sigh* This is getting old.

The thread went from asking about situations where someone has walked in on a female masturbating in similar fashion to guys, to my usage of the word "female", then the subject of masturbation with a spouse/lover around/away. With some jabs about how old I am and all that jazz. WHERE you got the whole idea that I was looking at females with a magnifying glass and jotting down notes in a journal is beyond me.

 

[ChubbyHuggs]

Walked in on my friend's girlfriend using a vibrator in the living room while watching porn on her laptop. She got mad and asked why we didn't say we were coming home, because you know, you should always warn people you're coming back to your own home.

 

[SeanR1221]

Yes I caught a girl once and used my master(bater) ball so I could catch her without fear of her escaping.

 

[TheLostBigBoss]

I fix computers for family members, but every now and then a friend or acquaintance asks me for help and I relent. A few years ago I was fixing a laptop for a female acquaintance of mine; mid 20s, white brunette, kind of nerdy cute type. She told me that her little brother was using the laptop and downloaded a bunch of porn on it; I know her brother and can confirm he's a dumbass BTW. Naturally the kid was looking at shady websites instead of using streaming sites like a boss.

So I cleaned the computer up and she stopped by my place to pick it up. She awkwardly asked "so...what type of porn was on there lol..." so I mentioned that it was mainly big boob stuff. She told me she was moving to her own place and wouldn't have to worry about her brother fucking up her laptop again. That was that...

Fast forward to 5 months later. Once again she asks for computer help, but this time it's a BSOD related issue. I take the laptop home and in the process of googling solutions I realize there's a shit ton of porn in the search history. Basically it boiled down to:

-big black cock
-big latino dick
-interracial porn
-girl massage porn
-James Deen

All within the last 3-5 months, during a period in which I knew her brother wasn't using her computer. I spent the next couple days trying to find a way to bring this up without seeming creepy or giving her an easy "oh my brother did that" lie to use. The next week she came over, I told her I fixed everything...and I casually asked how her brother was doing. She said he was fine and mentioned she was glad that he wasn't around to ruin her computer anymore. My trap had been sprung. I felt a tingling in my pants and moved to the next step.

me: oh really? I just assumed he had been using the computer again...anyway, it's fixed now

Her face immediately shifted like

and she clearly knew that I knew she was looking at porn. I gave her a sly smile and changed the subject to something else, but shortly thereafter she admitted she looked at porn, and then said "you aren't going to pretend like you've never looked at porn, let's be real. Is this about you making fun of me?" I looked her dead in the eyes and said actually it's about ethics in gaming journalism.

Post of the year

 

[Tremis]

I fix computers for family members, but every now and then a friend or acquaintance asks me for help and I relent. A few years ago I was fixing a laptop for a female acquaintance of mine; mid 20s, white brunette, kind of nerdy cute type. She told me that her little brother was using the laptop and downloaded a bunch of porn on it; I know her brother and can confirm he's a dumbass BTW. Naturally the kid was looking at shady websites instead of using streaming sites like a boss.

So I cleaned the computer up and she stopped by my place to pick it up. She awkwardly asked "so...what type of porn was on there lol..." so I mentioned that it was mainly big boob stuff. She told me she was moving to her own place and wouldn't have to worry about her brother fucking up her laptop again. That was that...

Fast forward to 5 months later. Once again she asks for computer help, but this time it's a BSOD related issue. I take the laptop home and in the process of googling solutions I realize there's a shit ton of porn in the search history. Basically it boiled down to:

-big black cock
-big latino dick
-interracial porn
-girl massage porn
-James Deen

All within the last 3-5 months, during a period in which I knew her brother wasn't using her computer. I spent the next couple days trying to find a way to bring this up without seeming creepy or giving her an easy "oh my brother did that" lie to use. The next week she came over, I told her I fixed everything...and I casually asked how her brother was doing. She said he was fine and mentioned she was glad that he wasn't around to ruin her computer anymore. My trap had been sprung. I felt a tingling in my pants and moved to the next step.

me: oh really? I just assumed he had been using the computer again...anyway, it's fixed now

Her face immediately shifted like

and she clearly knew that I knew she was looking at porn. I gave her a sly smile and changed the subject to something else, but shortly thereafter she admitted she looked at porn, and then said "you aren't going to pretend like you've never looked at porn, let's be real. Is this about you making fun of me?" I looked her dead in the eyes and said actually it's about ethics in gaming journalism.

The tears are flowing. OMG.

 

[MattyG]

I fix computers for family members, but every now and then a friend or acquaintance asks me for help and I relent. A few years ago I was fixing a laptop for a female acquaintance of mine; mid 20s, white brunette, kind of nerdy cute type. She told me that her little brother was using the laptop and downloaded a bunch of porn on it; I know her brother and can confirm he's a dumbass BTW. Naturally the kid was looking at shady websites instead of using streaming sites like a boss.

So I cleaned the computer up and she stopped by my place to pick it up. She awkwardly asked "so...what type of porn was on there lol..." so I mentioned that it was mainly big boob stuff. She told me she was moving to her own place and wouldn't have to worry about her brother fucking up her laptop again. That was that...

Fast forward to 5 months later. Once again she asks for computer help, but this time it's a BSOD related issue. I take the laptop home and in the process of googling solutions I realize there's a shit ton of porn in the search history. Basically it boiled down to:

-big black cock
-big latino dick
-interracial porn
-girl massage porn
-James Deen

All within the last 3-5 months, during a period in which I knew her brother wasn't using her computer. I spent the next couple days trying to find a way to bring this up without seeming creepy or giving her an easy "oh my brother did that" lie to use. The next week she came over, I told her I fixed everything...and I casually asked how her brother was doing. She said he was fine and mentioned she was glad that he wasn't around to ruin her computer anymore. My trap had been sprung. I felt a tingling in my pants and moved to the next step.

me: oh really? I just assumed he had been using the computer again...anyway, it's fixed now

Her face immediately shifted like

and she clearly knew that I knew she was looking at porn. I gave her a sly smile and changed the subject to something else, but shortly thereafter she admitted she looked at porn, and then said "you aren't going to pretend like you've never looked at porn, let's be real. Is this about you making fun of me?" I looked her dead in the eyes and said actually it's about ethics in gaming journalism.

Ho.lee.shit. Pack it up folks, no ones topping this post any time soon.

 

[-Deimos]

I fix computers for family members, but every now and then a friend or acquaintance asks me for help and I relent. A few years ago I was fixing a laptop for a female acquaintance of mine; mid 20s, white brunette, kind of nerdy cute type. She told me that her little brother was using the laptop and downloaded a bunch of porn on it; I know her brother and can confirm he's a dumbass BTW. Naturally the kid was looking at shady websites instead of using streaming sites like a boss.

So I cleaned the computer up and she stopped by my place to pick it up. She awkwardly asked "so...what type of porn was on there lol..." so I mentioned that it was mainly big boob stuff. She told me she was moving to her own place and wouldn't have to worry about her brother fucking up her laptop again. That was that...

Fast forward to 5 months later. Once again she asks for computer help, but this time it's a BSOD related issue. I take the laptop home and in the process of googling solutions I realize there's a shit ton of porn in the search history. Basically it boiled down to:

-big black cock
-big latino dick
-interracial porn
-girl massage porn
-James Deen

All within the last 3-5 months, during a period in which I knew her brother wasn't using her computer. I spent the next couple days trying to find a way to bring this up without seeming creepy or giving her an easy "oh my brother did that" lie to use. The next week she came over, I told her I fixed everything...and I casually asked how her brother was doing. She said he was fine and mentioned she was glad that he wasn't around to ruin her computer anymore. My trap had been sprung. I felt a tingling in my pants and moved to the next step.

me: oh really? I just assumed he had been using the computer again...anyway, it's fixed now

Her face immediately shifted like

and she clearly knew that I knew she was looking at porn. I gave her a sly smile and changed the subject to something else, but shortly thereafter she admitted she looked at porn, and then said "you aren't going to pretend like you've never looked at porn, let's be real. Is this about you making fun of me?" I looked her dead in the eyes and said actually it's about ethics in gaming journalism.

 

[>:)]

I fix computers for family members, but every now and then a friend or acquaintance asks me for help and I relent. A few years ago I was fixing a laptop for a female acquaintance of mine; mid 20s, white brunette, kind of nerdy cute type. She told me that her little brother was using the laptop and downloaded a bunch of porn on it; I know her brother and can confirm he's a dumbass BTW. Naturally the kid was looking at shady websites instead of using streaming sites like a boss.

So I cleaned the computer up and she stopped by my place to pick it up. She awkwardly asked "so...what type of porn was on there lol..." so I mentioned that it was mainly big boob stuff. She told me she was moving to her own place and wouldn't have to worry about her brother fucking up her laptop again. That was that...

Fast forward to 5 months later. Once again she asks for computer help, but this time it's a BSOD related issue. I take the laptop home and in the process of googling solutions I realize there's a shit ton of porn in the search history. Basically it boiled down to:

-big black cock
-big latino dick
-interracial porn
-girl massage porn
-James Deen

All within the last 3-5 months, during a period in which I knew her brother wasn't using her computer. I spent the next couple days trying to find a way to bring this up without seeming creepy or giving her an easy "oh my brother did that" lie to use. The next week she came over, I told her I fixed everything...and I casually asked how her brother was doing. She said he was fine and mentioned she was glad that he wasn't around to ruin her computer anymore. My trap had been sprung. I felt a tingling in my pants and moved to the next step.

me: oh really? I just assumed he had been using the computer again...anyway, it's fixed now

Her face immediately shifted like

and she clearly knew that I knew she was looking at porn. I gave her a sly smile and changed the subject to something else, but shortly thereafter she admitted she looked at porn, and then said "you aren't going to pretend like you've never looked at porn, let's be real. Is this about you making fun of me?" I looked her dead in the eyes and said actually it's about ethics in gaming journalism.

 

[SalvaPot]

I fix computers for family members, but every now and then a friend or acquaintance asks me for help and I relent. A few years ago I was fixing a laptop for a female acquaintance of mine; mid 20s, white brunette, kind of nerdy cute type. She told me that her little brother was using the laptop and downloaded a bunch of porn on it; I know her brother and can confirm he's a dumbass BTW. Naturally the kid was looking at shady websites instead of using streaming sites like a boss.

So I cleaned the computer up and she stopped by my place to pick it up. She awkwardly asked "so...what type of porn was on there lol..." so I mentioned that it was mainly big boob stuff. She told me she was moving to her own place and wouldn't have to worry about her brother fucking up her laptop again. That was that...

Fast forward to 5 months later. Once again she asks for computer help, but this time it's a BSOD related issue. I take the laptop home and in the process of googling solutions I realize there's a shit ton of porn in the search history. Basically it boiled down to:

-big black cock
-big latino dick
-interracial porn
-girl massage porn
-James Deen

All within the last 3-5 months, during a period in which I knew her brother wasn't using her computer. I spent the next couple days trying to find a way to bring this up without seeming creepy or giving her an easy "oh my brother did that" lie to use. The next week she came over, I told her I fixed everything...and I casually asked how her brother was doing. She said he was fine and mentioned she was glad that he wasn't around to ruin her computer anymore. My trap had been sprung. I felt a tingling in my pants and moved to the next step.

me: oh really? I just assumed he had been using the computer again...anyway, it's fixed now

Her face immediately shifted like

and she clearly knew that I knew she was looking at porn. I gave her a sly smile and changed the subject to something else, but shortly thereafter she admitted she looked at porn, and then said "you aren't going to pretend like you've never looked at porn, let's be real. Is this about you making fun of me?" I looked her dead in the eyes and said actually it's about ethics in gaming journalism.

10/10, post of the year.

 

[Face it Tiger..]

10/10, PD.

 

[Zeyphersan]

This thread is about to get rushed 1800s-style because it contains copious amounts of solid gold

 

[Vulcano's assistant]

This thread has more content than the new Smash.

 

[fallengorn]

I fix computers for family members, but every now and then a friend or acquaintance asks me for help and I relent. A few years ago I was fixing a laptop for a female acquaintance of mine; mid 20s, white brunette, kind of nerdy cute type. She told me that her little brother was using the laptop and downloaded a bunch of porn on it; I know her brother and can confirm he's a dumbass BTW. Naturally the kid was looking at shady websites instead of using streaming sites like a boss.

So I cleaned the computer up and she stopped by my place to pick it up. She awkwardly asked "so...what type of porn was on there lol..." so I mentioned that it was mainly big boob stuff. She told me she was moving to her own place and wouldn't have to worry about her brother fucking up her laptop again. That was that...

Fast forward to 5 months later. Once again she asks for computer help, but this time it's a BSOD related issue. I take the laptop home and in the process of googling solutions I realize there's a shit ton of porn in the search history. Basically it boiled down to:

-big black cock
-big latino dick
-interracial porn
-girl massage porn
-James Deen

All within the last 3-5 months, during a period in which I knew her brother wasn't using her computer. I spent the next couple days trying to find a way to bring this up without seeming creepy or giving her an easy "oh my brother did that" lie to use. The next week she came over, I told her I fixed everything...and I casually asked how her brother was doing. She said he was fine and mentioned she was glad that he wasn't around to ruin her computer anymore. My trap had been sprung. I felt a tingling in my pants and moved to the next step.

me: oh really? I just assumed he had been using the computer again...anyway, it's fixed now

Her face immediately shifted like

and she clearly knew that I knew she was looking at porn. I gave her a sly smile and changed the subject to something else, but shortly thereafter she admitted she looked at porn, and then said "you aren't going to pretend like you've never looked at porn, let's be real. Is this about you making fun of me?" I looked her dead in the eyes and said actually it's about ethics in gaming journalism.

Can't be quoted enough. This might be one of the best posts I've ever read.

 

[masud]

Op has a point though. Almost every guy i know has a story about being caught. Ive never heard one of these storys from a female ( yall are being ridiculous with that shit.) And ive never heard stories about catching women outside of the handful in this thread. Maybe theyre just more stealthy.

 

[Byakuya769]

I I looked her dead in the eyes and said actually it's about ethics in gaming journalism.

My man.

 

[speculawyer]

I fix computers for family members, but every now and then a friend or acquaintance asks me for help and I relent. A few years ago I was fixing a laptop for a female acquaintance of mine; mid 20s, white brunette, kind of nerdy cute type. She told me that her little brother was using the laptop and downloaded a bunch of porn on it; I know her brother and can confirm he's a dumbass BTW. Naturally the kid was looking at shady websites instead of using streaming sites like a boss.

So I cleaned the computer up and she stopped by my place to pick it up. She awkwardly asked "so...what type of porn was on there lol..." so I mentioned that it was mainly big boob stuff. She told me she was moving to her own place and wouldn't have to worry about her brother fucking up her laptop again. That was that...

Fast forward to 5 months later. Once again she asks for computer help, but this time it's a BSOD related issue. I take the laptop home and in the process of googling solutions I realize there's a shit ton of porn in the search history. Basically it boiled down to:

-big black cock
-big latino dick
-interracial porn
-girl massage porn
-James Deen

All within the last 3-5 months, during a period in which I knew her brother wasn't using her computer. I spent the next couple days trying to find a way to bring this up without seeming creepy or giving her an easy "oh my brother did that" lie to use. The next week she came over, I told her I fixed everything...and I casually asked how her brother was doing. She said he was fine and mentioned she was glad that he wasn't around to ruin her computer anymore. My trap had been sprung. I felt a tingling in my pants and moved to the next step.

me: oh really? I just assumed he had been using the computer again...anyway, it's fixed now

Her face immediately shifted like

and she clearly knew that I knew she was looking at porn. I gave her a sly smile and changed the subject to something else, but shortly thereafter she admitted she looked at porn, and then said "you aren't going to pretend like you've never looked at porn, let's be real. Is this about you making fun of me?" I looked her dead in the eyes and said actually it's about ethics in gaming journalism.

So nice to see PD post a non-troll post.

Yeah, everyone is human. That's the way it is. I've had women say "let's watch porn together some time." and it is weird. But appreciated. We are sexual beings. And that is just fine.

 

[Akahige]

Not masturbating but I did catch my wife screwing a guy on her brand new bed.

I said I'd help her build it but she said she could handle it herself, should have been suspicious

Oh man reading the thread now and it delivers.

 

[terrisus]

Oh man reading the thread now and it delivers.

That post has gone sadly under-appreciated.

 

[mgs2master2]

I fix computers for family members, but every now and then a friend or acquaintance asks me for help and I relent. A few years ago I was fixing a laptop for a female acquaintance of mine; mid 20s, white brunette, kind of nerdy cute type. She told me that her little brother was using the laptop and downloaded a bunch of porn on it; I know her brother and can confirm he's a dumbass BTW. Naturally the kid was looking at shady websites instead of using streaming sites like a boss.

So I cleaned the computer up and she stopped by my place to pick it up. She awkwardly asked "so...what type of porn was on there lol..." so I mentioned that it was mainly big boob stuff. She told me she was moving to her own place and wouldn't have to worry about her brother fucking up her laptop again. That was that...

Fast forward to 5 months later. Once again she asks for computer help, but this time it's a BSOD related issue. I take the laptop home and in the process of googling solutions I realize there's a shit ton of porn in the search history. Basically it boiled down to:

-big black cock
-big latino dick
-interracial porn
-girl massage porn
-James Deen

All within the last 3-5 months, during a period in which I knew her brother wasn't using her computer. I spent the next couple days trying to find a way to bring this up without seeming creepy or giving her an easy "oh my brother did that" lie to use. The next week she came over, I told her I fixed everything...and I casually asked how her brother was doing. She said he was fine and mentioned she was glad that he wasn't around to ruin her computer anymore. My trap had been sprung. I felt a tingling in my pants and moved to the next step.

me: oh really? I just assumed he had been using the computer again...anyway, it's fixed now

Her face immediately shifted like

and she clearly knew that I knew she was looking at porn. I gave her a sly smile and changed the subject to something else, but shortly thereafter she admitted she looked at porn, and then said "you aren't going to pretend like you've never looked at porn, let's be real. Is this about you making fun of me?" I looked her dead in the eyes and said actually it's about ethics in gaming journalism.

i lost it at the bold part.

 

[RyougaSaotome]

PD with the godlike post.

Trying so hard to hold back the tears and laughter in the office. Too good.

 

[Linkyn]

Masturbating in the shower is terrible. You have to turn away from the shower head(because otherwise it feels terrible like all sex and water activities) and then your legs get dried out and just ugh. Not recommended!

Not to mention that masturbating while standing up sucks in general.

 

[HalfBakedProphet]

Schadenfreude overload. I love these thread backfires and OP implosions

 

[Soulflarz]

snip

This post is godlike

 

[Brofield]

I fix computers for family members, but every now and then a friend or acquaintance asks me for help and I relent. A few years ago I was fixing a laptop for a female acquaintance of mine; mid 20s, white brunette, kind of nerdy cute type. She told me that her little brother was using the laptop and downloaded a bunch of porn on it; I know her brother and can confirm he's a dumbass BTW. Naturally the kid was looking at shady websites instead of using streaming sites like a boss.

So I cleaned the computer up and she stopped by my place to pick it up. She awkwardly asked "so...what type of porn was on there lol..." so I mentioned that it was mainly big boob stuff. She told me she was moving to her own place and wouldn't have to worry about her brother fucking up her laptop again. That was that...

Fast forward to 5 months later. Once again she asks for computer help, but this time it's a BSOD related issue. I take the laptop home and in the process of googling solutions I realize there's a shit ton of porn in the search history. Basically it boiled down to:

-big black cock
-big latino dick
-interracial porn
-girl massage porn
-James Deen

All within the last 3-5 months, during a period in which I knew her brother wasn't using her computer. I spent the next couple days trying to find a way to bring this up without seeming creepy or giving her an easy "oh my brother did that" lie to use. The next week she came over, I told her I fixed everything...and I casually asked how her brother was doing. She said he was fine and mentioned she was glad that he wasn't around to ruin her computer anymore. My trap had been sprung. I felt a tingling in my pants and moved to the next step.

me: oh really? I just assumed he had been using the computer again...anyway, it's fixed now

Her face immediately shifted like

and she clearly knew that I knew she was looking at porn. I gave her a sly smile and changed the subject to something else, but shortly thereafter she admitted she looked at porn, and then said "you aren't going to pretend like you've never looked at porn, let's be real. Is this about you making fun of me?" I looked her dead in the eyes and said actually it's about ethics in gaming journalism.

Can this man get a second tag? I don't know what, but I know in my heart, my soul and my eyes that a second tag should be bestowed.

All the same, bravo.

 

[Crossing Eden]

post of the forever

This thread....

 

[Gattsu25]

Holy shit, PD

 

[janoDX]

Am I in DeepGAF?... Does DeepGAF exists??

 

[Aselith]

http://i.imgur.com/NALoNXa.jpg[IMG]
i lost it at the bold part.[/QUOTE]

You lost it at the punchline?

 

[kris.]

I looked her dead in the eyes and said actually it's about ethics in gaming journalism.

i think im dying pls send help

 

[hunnies28]

Aaw I missed all the fun.

 

[Soulflarz]

i still love this thread. Why is that post so damn funny >.<

 

[Akahige]

For difficult cases of 'morning wood', not every morning, but not like, once a week? I dunno, not a guy, so it's hard for me to know anything other than what I've read/been told.

Morning wood usually means having to go urinate really really bad, for me at least and goes away after urinating awkwardly, never masturbated to it.

 

[nullset2]

Trust the OT to turn a strangely motivated thread into one of the best threads of the whole year, sunhi and PD posts in it.

Bra fuckin vo.

 

[MattyG]

This is one of the most unexpectedly entertaining threads I've seen in a while. What a rollercoaster.

 

[soultron]

I had to strangle a laugh when I finished reading PD's post.

 

[tkscz]

[QUOTE="D";135988297]After laughing my ass off at this thread the other day.... http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=919165 ......I began to wonder. Do females do it too? Has anyone ever caught one? What type of poke' ball did you use? (bonus points for catching a hot chick at that) Does this even exist in real life? Did the cow REALLY jump over the moon?

GAF, bless us with your stories

EDIT: Apparently some folks don't know how to read. I know females masterbate. I'm asking if anyone has ever CAUGHT one in similar fashion to US MALES masterbating and any accompanying stories to share. Jesus.

OH, and I don't mean family members.[/QUOTE]

Yes actually. I have the only computer in the apartment in my room and tend to catch my roommate flicking her bean to porn. Usually she does it while I sleep and mutes the computer as to not wake me.