While the second suspension of the Chappelle Show since it started shooting its third season has been reported, my spies on the inside paint a much grimmer picture than simply an awkward schedule. According to a Fabulous Julian spy working directly on the set of the program, the fabulously gifted comedian is a freight train full of crying babies headed directly into a passenger train packed with infertile nuns. Yes, it’s that bad. Since filming began six weeks ago, our prying eyes have seen Chappelle's behavior become increasingly erratic; he regularly arrives hours late for shooting and has disappeared for days at a time without offering an explanation for his absence. Look, sugarcheeks, if Fab-Julez ain’t on the premises, look for me in a Koreantown massage parlor rocking out to the Isleys. But back to Dave, the man who made “cocaine is a hell of a drug” a 2004 catchphrase – our spies say that for the few hours Chappelle actually graces the set, he's been delusional and clearly out of his gourd.
Last Thursday, one of Fabulous JulienÂ’s squealing piglets was at M&T Bank in Midtown waiting in line for an ATM machine (no doubt to spit her wad on Bulgari anklets) [ed. note: original annoucement of 5th and 19th has been corrected]. In front of her, a scrawny man feverishly punched at the machineÂ’s soft buttons and repeatedly swiped his card. He appeared baffled by the machine, almost as if it was an apple martini maker fueled by Japanese midgets running on a rat wheel. But after minutes of tinkering, a flood of bills shot out. My spy reports it took a full minute for the ATM to defecate all the crispy bills. After grabbing his enormous stack of money, the man wheeled around to reveal himself as a demented-looking Dave Chappell. After the comedian staggered out of the bank, my spy shimmied up to the ATM to find Mr. Chappell's ATM card still sitting in the machine. She dashed out the door and scurried up to Mr. Chappell a block ahead, tapping him on his shoulder. She says he turned to her, looking twisted off his skull, and, in slurred speech, thanked her for the card before tottering off. Since raiding his account for a bundle of cash, Chappell has not returned to the set.
Management and workers alike had been bracing for the show's unraveling; Viacom's sexy suits made routine visits to check in on their enigmatic 50-million dollar star and the show's crew was fearful that Chappell was cracking under the pressure of having to deliver another critically-acclaimed season after signing his whopping two-year contract. His downward spiral has affected all; last Thursday, the director of the show openly bawled on the set. Last night, the show was temporarily cancelled, as rumors of DaveÂ’s deteriorating mental condition and possible drug use have surfaced.
