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[Banjo Tango]

The Onion
"Make no mistake: If Kerry becomes president, no one will be safe from me," Cheney told reporters. "Businesses, places of worship, schools, public parks: No place will offer you refuge. A vote for Kerry is a vote to die in your own bed at the hands of Dick Cheney."

 

[explodet]

:lol

I know *I'd* be scared of Cheney.

 

[Duck of Death]

:lol :lol :lol

Damnit, I spilled my delicious fruit cocktail laughing so hard. :lol

 

[Guzim]

:lol :lol :lol

 

[MetatronM]

:lol :lol :lol


That was the best laugh by far I've had today.

 

[Banjo Tango]

Oh shit, the Onion is on FIYAH today:

Edwards: You Want To See Some Goddamn Optimism?

 

[Dan]

I swear, during the 2003 State of the Union address, Cheney looked exactly like The Penguin. The Danny Devito one at that, just a bit taller. He had the evil grin, the pointed hands when he clapped, and turned down head, the nose, everything.

 

[bishoptl]

If you put John Kerry and me in the White House, we'll have each one of you in the driver's seat of a brand-new SUV. Your bosses will be less cranky, your children will be kept in trucker hats and iPods, and your TV screens will grow even wider. Those who are bald will wake up one morning and magically find themselves with thick heads of luxurious, silky hair. You'll open your refrigerators and 15-pound hams will tumble out. Your dog might even start to talk, and the first thing he'll say is "I love you." It'll be that good.

OH NO :lol :lol

I'm feeling so cheery, I wouldn't be surprised if a friggin' unicorn stepped out on stage and started humpin' my leg!

:lol

"Hey, where's that warm, golden glow coming from? Why, it's coming from the U.S. of A., where cocks are thick, tits are perky, and sunbeams shine out of everyone's asses!

:lol :lol

 

[DarienA]

The Onion so rocks....

 

[explodet]

I swear, during the 2003 State of the Union address, Cheney looked exactly like The Penguin. The Danny Devito one at that, just a bit taller. He had the evil grin, the pointed hands when he clapped, and turned down head, the nose, everything.

Well, it's not the DeVito Penguin, but still an excuse to post this:

http://peterdavid.malibulist.com/archives/rogues_gallery.jpg

 

[MetatronM]

Oh shit, the Onion is on FIYAH today:

Edwards: You Want To See Some Goddamn Optimism?

:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol

Just know that, should you elect John Kerry, we'll be able to bounce a goddamn quarter off our border! We'll have big impenetrable gates made of gumdrops and, I don't know, gold. Whatever the fuck! And they'll magically slide open when someone pure of heart approaches and says, "Let me back in, America! My Caribbean cruise was nice, but there's no place like home!"

:lol :lol :lol

 

[bishoptl]

Worried about DMX? :lol :lol :lol

 

[G4life98]

cheney does have the look of a super-villian

 

[belgurdo]

"You're gonna have to beat me to it, you bald bastard!" (lol obscurity rules)

 

[Link648099]

Kerry Says Do-Not-Terrorize List Would End Nuisance
by Scott Ott
(2004-10-11) -- Democrat presidential candidate John Forbes Kerry today announced the details of his plan to completely eliminate the nuisance of terrorism.

"I have a plan," said Mr. Kerry, "to create a do-not-terrorize list that Americans could sign up for on the internet. And if any terrorist would flout the law and attack someone whose name is on the list, he and his terror cell would be slammed with a $1,000 fine for each person killed and $500 for each injured survivor."

Mr. Kerry, who is also a U.S. senator, announced the plan after receiving international acclaim for telling The New York Times, "We have to get back to the place we were, where terrorists are not the focus of our lives, but they're a nuisance.''

The Democrat said his plan "hits Al Qaeda in the pocketbook where it hurts the most."

He said he's also considering a suggestion by running-mate John Edwards to double the fines for nuisance terror strikes during the dinner hour.

http://www.scrappleface.com/

 

[cvxfreak]

Any bozo can kick Cheney's ass... or maybe not.

:O :O :O :O :O RUN!!!

 

[videogamer]

Any bozo can kick Cheney's ass... or maybe not.

:O :O :O :O :O RUN!!!

I certainly wouldn't want to be fighting Cheney.

 

[Phoenix]

I have a wall of funny stuff on it (like Clinton declaring himself president for life after the last election).... this joined it earlier this morning.

 

[videogamer]

I have a wall of funny stuff on it (like Clinton declaring himself president for life after the last election).... this joined it earlier this morning.

all from the onion?

 

[Jim Bowie]

:lol:lol:lol

I seriously laughed myself to tears...

 

[Die Squirrel Die]

http://www.onion.com/wdyt/index.php?issue=4041

The right column is gold.

 

[Meier]

That Edwards article might be the best thing I've read on The Onion in years.

 

[NWO]

:lol :lol :lol

Oh man I don't think I have ever laughed so hard.

 

[Cool]

 

[Phoenix]

all from the onion?

About 80% of them are from the onion.