Support NeoGAF

[Boogie]

Are there really no parties around your campus? I find that hard to believe, although it would suck if you were willing to go. On weekends (at least during semesters) there are house parties as far as the eye can see just a couple blocks from my place (I live right by UW Madison). At this point, I'd probably go if, like, I knew someone who'd invite me. Sigh...

UofT is right downtown Toronto, so there aren't really many houses for there to be house parties. I guess. I don't know. I don't know if there are parties or not.

But like you, even if I knew there were, I don't know that I'd go, since I'd have to wander to one on my own, not knowing anyone, and it would likely result in me standing in a corner by myself all night long anyway :-/

 

[beerbelly]

Boogie, you can go to a party alone and meet people there can't you? Why are you so negative all the time?

 

[demon]

UofT is right downtown Toronto, so there aren't really many houses for there to be house parties. I guess. I don't know. I don't know if there are parties or not.

But like you, even if I knew there were, I don't know that I'd go, since I'd have to wander to one on my own, not knowing anyone, and it would likely result in me standing in a corner by myself all night long anyway :-/

Do you have any friends who go to parties at all? If I knew anyone who invited me to one, I'd probably push myself to go, as opposed to when my freshman year roommate reluctantly invited me along with his friends from our floor and I just said 'no thanks' because I was too nervous.

Boogie, you can go to a party alone and meet people there can't you? Why are you so negative all the time?

How do you just go to a party alone? I'd feel kinda weird just walking into some random party I'm not invited to or at with anyone.

 

[Winged Creature]

UofT is right downtown Toronto, so there aren't really many houses for there to be house parties. I guess. I don't know. I don't know if there are parties or not.

But like you, even if I knew there were, I don't know that I'd go, since I'd have to wander to one on my own, not knowing anyone, and it would likely result in me standing in a corner by myself all night long anyway :-/

dude there is so much to do in downtown Toronto, thats why there are no real "house parties" most people are at clubs and what not

 

[Boogie]

Boogie, you can go to a party alone and meet people there can't you? Why are you so negative all the time?

Naw, I can't. I'm just not good in social situations where I don't know anybody. I'm very awkward in such situations, especially when I'm alone. Nevermind the fact, as I said, that I don't know about any parties.

I'm negative because.... I don't know, because I wanted to have these positive experiences, but have mostly failed at them.

dude there is so much to do in downtown Toronto, thats why there are no real "house parties" most people are at clubs and what not

Ugh. Clubs. I hate clubs. I gave them a shot this year, went out about 6-7 times when my friends from res went out to clubs. I hate the music, I hate the rampant, casual sexuality. And I can't meet anyone there. The music's always so loud that you can't talk to anyone, and I just don't have what it takes to approach random girls, or to catch anyone's eye.

 

[Memles]

Wow...who knew my moral high ground would spark so much controversy? Good times.

The thing is that my problem isn't that I'm shy, introverted or anything of that nature. I just don't really have an appetite for the party scene. It's something I'll have to get used to. I meet people in residence and in classes, but I simply have no real need to use alcohol to do so.

It is not as if I start dropping moral lectures on people for drinking, or that I attempt to pressure others into not drinking. I simply don't involve myself in that subculture. You might argue it's a culture in itself, but that doesn't change the fact that I really don't have an impulse towards it. While I understand the point that College is a time to live life and I fully support the partying ways, I don't understand why someone NOT drinking alcohol is such an issue, and why not doing so somehow devalues the university experience. Maturity being linked to alcohol consumption is just absurd, I'm sorry.

 

[Boogie]

Wow...who knew my moral high ground would spark so much controversy? Good times.

The thing is that my problem isn't that I'm shy, introverted or anything of that nature. I just don't really have an appetite for the party scene. It's something I'll have to get used to. I meet people in residence and in classes, but I simply have no real need to use alcohol to do so.

It is not as if I start dropping moral lectures on people for drinking, or that I attempt to pressure others into not drinking. I simply don't involve myself in that subculture. You might argue it's a culture in itself, but that doesn't change the fact that I really don't have an impulse towards it. While I understand the point that College is a time to live life and I fully support the partying ways, I don't understand why someone NOT drinking alcohol is such an issue, and why not doing so somehow devalues the university experience. Maturity being linked to alcohol consumption is just absurd, I'm sorry.

I'm certainly not going to jump on you for any of that. I was basically like you throughout my first year. And although I have indulged in some drinking this year, I would say in some ways, I still share much of your attitude, and definitely respect it.

I can't stand the idiots who say that you can't enjoy college if you don't get yourself wasted once in a while.

 

[Johnas]

Wow...who knew my moral high ground would spark so much controversy? Good times.

The thing is that my problem isn't that I'm shy, introverted or anything of that nature. I just don't really have an appetite for the party scene. It's something I'll have to get used to. I meet people in residence and in classes, but I simply have no real need to use alcohol to do so.

It is not as if I start dropping moral lectures on people for drinking, or that I attempt to pressure others into not drinking. I simply don't involve myself in that subculture. You might argue it's a culture in itself, but that doesn't change the fact that I really don't have an impulse towards it. While I understand the point that College is a time to live life and I fully support the partying ways, I don't understand why someone NOT drinking alcohol is such an issue, and why not doing so somehow devalues the university experience. Maturity being linked to alcohol consumption is just absurd, I'm sorry.

My college situation was fairly similar to yours. I had a lot of factors, namely the fact that like -Jinx-, I commuted, and had to keep a job the whole time due to expenses, even though I lived at home part of the time. I'm typically bad with time management anyway, so if I hadn't worked, I would have squandered my time in countless other ways (gaming? ).

Whenever I would tell people I didn't drink, it was always met with either of two responses. Most people would say "Hey, that's cool, I respect that" in a very nervous sort of way, apparently feeling intimated to some degree, perhaps feeling that I looked down on them for doing so, which of course I did not. The other response would be one of curiosity, with people leaning in with one of those "tell me more" looks on their face. I assume this was because they had never made an attempt to get to know someone who chose not to drink, and they were genuinely curious. What I find interesting is that I NEVER had anyone belittle me or make fun of me for my choice.

If you don't drink, for most people the party scene is genuinely uninteresting. I've hung out with friends before, where the night ends up where I am the only one still sober. That's just no fun to me really.

My reasons for not drinking are many, and I won't go into them here. But I can say that my life operates just fine without alcohol, and there are far better ways to spend your money, IMO.

 

[happyfunball]

I'll give you one month until you wake up in your vomit with a fat naked girl next to you in bed.

 

[slayn]

too many people think what they consider to be a normal life is the correct life for everyone else.

edit:

the one thing I will add, is if you are of the opinion, 'just go out and meet people, its not that hard, you just have to force yourself to do it,' you simply don't understand.

 

[beerbelly]

oh so the ones who whine about not being able to make new friends/get a date are just 'misunderstood'. if they want something they've got to sacrifice something. Change your fucking attitude and give everything a try. who knows you might like the 'new' you. You can't always just back off in situations just because it's not in your favour.

 

[slayn]

I'd respond but... I'd only be repeating exactly what I just said.

 

[beerbelly]

fuck it not in the mood

 

[Boogie]

oh so the ones who whine about not being able to make new friends/get a date are just 'misunderstood'. if they want something they've got to sacrifice something. Change your fucking attitude and give everything a try. who knows you might like the 'new' you. You can't always just back off in situations just because it's not in your favour.

But what about when you give everything a try and don't like the "new" you? Or you give new things a try and fail at them?

 

[demon]

But what about when you give everything a try and don't like the "new" you? Or you give new things a try and fail at them?

No no, boogie, just change your fucking attitude and all is well. I changed my fucking attitude a year ago, and LOOK AT ME NOW!

 

[Meier]

Also, some of you people are confusing having some beers with getting drunk. Go to a party, have 4 or 5 beers, get a nice buzz going and then cut yourself off or just start nursing. Just because you're drinking doesn't mean you have to do it to the point of drunkeness -- I think a lot of people can agree that being completely drunk is probably not that great of an idea in general, let alone doing it frequently.

I really do feel bad for people who go through college without attending parties and whatnot. I guess you can have fun in your own way, but you really are missing out on part of the experience. Sure there will be parties once you're out of college, but they're going to be few and far between and missing out on them during that point is a real shame. One thing I suggest Boogie, if you're not coming across many parties because you live in a dorm (but would like to).. consider not living in one next year.

 

[Dan]

No no, boogie, just change your fucking attitude and all is well. I changed my fucking attitude a year ago, and LOOK AT ME NOW!

 

[Boogie]

I really do feel bad for people who go through college without attending parties and whatnot. I guess you can have fun in your own way, but you really are missing out on part of the experience. Sure there will be parties once you're out of college, but they're going to be few and far between and missing out on them during that point is a real shame. One thing I suggest Boogie, if you're not coming across many parties because you live in a dorm.. consider not living in one next year.

Already done. For next year, four of my friends (two guys, two girls) and I are renting a house. Actually, technically just the main floor suite of a house (It is Toronto, after all ).

 

[WHOAguitarninja]

Several of those pathways are offered at my university.

My original post was directed at the original poster. I was operating under the assumption he would be living on campus etc. The "typical" if you will, college life.

Again, it's what you make of college. At the very baseline, you are dealing with an institution. In return for tuition and test scores, you obtain a certificate that is evidence of the education.

But college offers so much more than just a baseline. I mean if you want to just go to get a degree and get nothing else out, fine, be my guest. But if that's all you want to do with college, I'd argue that you're really missing the point. It's called higher education for a reason. I'd wager that a large part of that reason is for finding out your own personal likes and dislikes, and growing into yourself as a person. If all college was supposed to be was a peice of paper, then that is what they'd call it.

I thought parties were there for networking. You need to pay attention to what people are saying, determine a good response that would may elicit an positive emotinal response or lead to information you want, and meet people that you may need later.

Wow. Dude...lighten up. I'm gonna go on the assumption that this paragraph didn't come out quite like you planned it, because if that's exactly what you meant, you're COMPLETELY missing the point. Parties are there to have fun. You go to a party, you get boozed up, loosen up, maybe dance a bit and meet some people and have fun. You may never talk to these people again, or you may make a lifelong friend. But I have never ever ever EVER heard somebody say "lets go party...I'm in the mood to meet some useful people". If that paragraph is how you really think...then simply put, your conception of a party is way off. There is very rarely any higher level thinking going on at a party. Closest exception would be get me and a few other physics majors boozed up and listen to us ramble on lots of weird what-if's.

Within clubs or classes you can meet a diverse set of people. I don't know about you, but my brain can get saturated with who's who and what they do.

I never said you couldn't. If you choose to saturate your brain with other people's interests thats fine, if a bit uncommon, personally I have a hard enough time remembering most people's names(coincidentally, a problem I never had before college...I attribute it mainly to the rediculous rate at which you meet people in college). But youre simply not meeting everyone you could be meeting. Hell you may meet the love of your life at a party. That's how my parents met.

He's going to be a freshman. He will probably meet non-English and non-math majors at his breadth courses.

If he's dead set on getting straight A's, as I've already mentioned, unless he goes to an easy school, he probably won't meet much of anybody in his classes because he'll be focused on the professor. Introductory courses aren't generally very hard, but they're sufficiently challenging, atleast at my school, that you DO have to pay attention the whole class to catch everything.

When I said clubs, I meant school clubs.

If you go to school clubs just to meet girls...man. That's a shameful thing to admit right there. I'm not implying you're saying that's what you do (I know you meant that he may meet girls in clubs that he is in, I know). I'm not really sure how to approach this one. There's always a chance that you'll meet girls in a club, but it's not terribly likely. It's not terribly likely that you'll meet girls in any signifigant way in any specific place, so you just go everywhere and meet who you can. It's about experiencing everything.



Remember...I'm not advocating that he go to every party, even if he decides he doesn't like them. I'm saying, go out, go to a party, try and have a good time. If he sees it's not for him, then he won't go to any/many more parties. Its as simple as that. All that he lost is a night.


Alright, onto other people's posts....

demon, Boogie, I know the situation you guys are in, actually. I've kindof sortof been there too. Here's what you do. If you have any even decent friends that are partyers in any degree, ask them to bring you along. It takes swallowing a little bit of pride, but if they're actually your friend, and not just riding you for help with homework, I 99% guarantee that they'l not only agree, but think it's really awesome that you went to them to bring you out to a party. They'll probably introduce you to people, and you may get the "it's his first real party!" upon introduction here and there, but that's OKAY. Just say something like "I've never really been a partyer but I figured I'd try it out and see what I'm missing" and all is cool. Most house parties are really just a large group of people standing around talking to each other, probably a room with some pong/beer bongs, and maybe a room with some people dancing. Find some people that either aren't really talking to anyone, or people talking about something you're intersted in, and go introduce yourself. It's pretty easy to do that once you have a few drinks in you. I am probably the worst 'mingler' on these boards, and after 3 or 4 drinks I'll gladly go up to the hottest girl there and start spitting game...or trying to atleast. And usually it turns out okay.

Just a tip...when looking for folks to talk to, if you see a guy talking to a girl, and nobody else is around them, don't get in on the convo. They'll probably think you're cock blocking.






Underlying point here...push yourself. Don't get stuck doing things you're comfortable with. Nobody feels "right" the first time they do something, but that's how you grow as an individual. If you give something a try and don't like it, that is JUST FINE. Atleast you tried, and you should feel good about the fact that you now know for sure that it's not for you. But to deny yourself the oppurtunity to experience something new(as long as it's safe and relatively legal), I firmly firmly beleive, is doing yourself more harm than good.



EDIT- Oh, and another thing. Don't worry about saying stupid shit. Everyone says something stupid here and there, and you will inevitably feel like you do it more than everyone else and are somehow looked down on because of it. Wanna know why nobody else seems to say stupid things? You forget they said it within 2 minutes of hearing it.

 

[demon]

demon, Boogie...Here's what you do. If you have any even decent friends that are partyers in any degree..

any other ideas?

 

[slayn]

I told this story on gaf... at least once, perhaps paraphrased a second time and told myself I wouldn't bother again but I'm bored. Though this is the last time I do this... and if I go through this again you have permission to fly to my house and beat the shit out of me as per the end of Jay and Silent Bob Stike Back.

I would say I was one of the few people I know in existance that was happy in Jr' High and early High School. Didn't much care about anything, just sat around and read a lot. I have always been as introverted and shy as a person can be but I wasn't insecure and could talk about almost anything as long as someone approached me first. I also helped lead a group dedicated to uh... illegal activity on the internet which kept me busy but thats a different story ;P

Never had a girlfriend, never been out on a date but threw that into the future of 'eh it'll happen in college.' I mean thats when all the sex orgies start and everyone finds that perfect girlfriend and gets laid every weekend right?

As Highschool began to end though and I had decided on a university to attend I started to become a little paranoid. I mean, most people had had at least 1 girlfriend at this point and so I felt I was lagging behind. I wasn't living life the way I should. I wasn't 'growing up' and experiancing life the way it was 'meant to be'.

So college came around and I spent my fresman year as a recluse. I had a mostly uneventfull freshman year. Didn't drink, didn't go to parties or bars, etc. By sophomore year I had reached a bout of depression that would keep me bed-ridden all day long at times. I felt like I was missing out. This is college, I should be out partying, going out to meet people, etc.

So I decided all this needed to change. My life blew, and it was time to fix it. I worked to become more extroverted. At first I decided to try bars. But one time in a bar was enough to know that kind of environment would never work for me. I hate hot places, I hate noisy place, I hate smoke, I hate drunk people. Bars are a checklist for torment. Any time I enter a bar I half expect the symbol from Planescape Torment to start floating above my head.

At this point in time I had also tried drinking a lot to experiance this 'loosening up' or 'buzz' that is always mentioned. And frankly, even after getting drunk, multiple times, I don't know what the fuck you people are talking about. Drinking does not lower my inhibitions and loosen me up. It gives me a headache and the inability to walk up stairs.

So, after learning that bars weren't for me, I decided to seek different alternatives to meet new people. I knew my friends wouldn't work, they are all similar to me (at least my close friends are). None of us can provide any other with 'the hookup.' All my close friends were without girlfriends, and none of us have any female friends. So I was on my own in this endeavor.

So I thought about, well how about my classes? Being a computer science student, I took a look around the classroom of 200 students, and discovered there to be 199 guys and one ugly ass girl (and I use the term girl in the loosest possible sense. I had to think about it fore a while before concluding that said specimen was in fact female... I think). So that was out.

So the next step was... well, what are my interests and hobbies? Perhaps I should find a club and meet people. I'm an atheist, so church is out, but how about say... anime or gaming? Show up to anime club... saw... 199 guys and 1 girl that prolly weighed a few pounds short of a truck. Well, how about gaming? Look through the 3 billion ass clubs that range from 'Pirates who ass ARRR' to 'unicyclist jugglers' and found there to be no club at all related to video games.

So at this point I was becomming pretty fucking depressed. Never contemplated suicide, but I was about as low as I otherwise could be. So I was getting desparate. It was time to just start throwing myself out there. Find parties, go back to the bars etc. And so I did just that.
My first college party was possibly the most miserable and enlightening part of my life. Not only for the same reasons I hate bars, but for the simple devastating reason that even if I had good social skills a party would get me nowhere. I learned that night that, while there may be many a girl at these parties, they are not the kind of person I would want to be with. All of my work to change myself and go out into the world and meet people was a misguided act doomed to failure from the very start. All I saw were people I loathed getting drunk and rubbing up against each other. But these were not, 'my people,' so to speak. Not my 'environment. Anyone I could possibly meet like this is not someone I would want to remember.

The kind of person I need to be with is someone like me. But to meet that very definition would meen that they will not in fact be at a gathering such as this lest they had reached the depressed desperation that had consumed me. I had been instilled with the belief that if I could gather up the courage to overcome my social fears that can near bring me to my knees, I would be able to finally to get what I want and call my life a success. But it was all a lie.

I left the party and went for a long walk out into the middle of nowhere. I re-evaluated what exactly I wanted in a companion and realized that the kind of person I would want to be with is probably shut up in their room having the same problems I am and the chances of actually meeting them are pretty slim. And its certainly not going to happen in any of the miserable places of my ‘failures.’

I basically spent the next 10 hours leaned up against a tree thinking about everything my life had brought me to and finally began to ask myself the questions I needed to. Why was I so desperate to find a girl? Why did I feel such paranoia and depression over the fact that I was still a virgin. Why did I feel the need to gather more friends to party with? And I eventually figured out that I didn’t feel any sort of inner need to be partying and getting laid. I had listened to fuckers like you and assumed that since I was outside the norm I needed to be ‘fixed.’ I believed that my interets should have been getting drunk and partying and getting laid and because those did not align with my actual interests it was tearing me apart. Once I came to terms with the fact that I did not have to enjoy life the way society tells me I should be, all that depression, all that anxiety just leaked away. I was back to my embraced ignorance of old that I would have been able to hold onto from the beginning if not for people telling me otherwise.

This was not a growing and enlightening experience that people should endure through. It is not an experience I would wish on anybody. It was two years of misery and extreme depression caused by continual failure learning that you people are fucking wrong. And I look at these posts saying the same words that instilled years of agony into my being and I want to hit you with a stick until you shut up.

The lesson that people need to learn is that different people are uncomfortable in different situations FOR A REASON. You are not going to meet people you like by going to places filled with people enjoying that which you hate.

 

[Wendo]

I'm probably the most hardcore no drugs/no alcohol guy you'll ever meet. And yes, it makes a huge difference in how people percieve you. I've learned to tell people that I don't drink or do drugs because I can't take them with my cluster headache medication (which is true, but not my main reason). Otherwise, if you just tell people that you choose not to, they'll percieve you as being some self-righteous freak who thinks they are better than them. Even if you make it well known that you have no problems with drinking, almost everyone will be turned off by it. And there are plenty of fools who will be like, "Whatever. Fuck that. I don't want a friend who can loosen up and have a drink every now and then".

That said...

My mistake was that I really never wanted to go to college. I wanted to go to some sort of artistic school, but it was just too fucking expensive. So I got trapped going to a University that didn't offer the major I was interested in (filmmaking).

My main problem with my college career is having to work a full time job on top of going to school to complete a major that is fairly worthless to what I want to do career-wise. When you work a full time job and are completely self-sufficient, it feels like you are already a "real" adult. Having to go to classes you don't care about is extremely difficult to do. Also, when you work full time, your social life is fucked for the most part. I have been totally fucked this entire quarter because I've been having to work the graveyard shift at work, which just does not fit with my school schedule.

I had the fortune (or misfortune from an academic standpoint) of doing a short film last summer that did well at the local film festival. People there were like, "What's your next project? What's your next project?!". People were also like, "Why the fuck are you in school?".

So I'm at a point now where I'm trying to do my own feature film, working full time, and going to school full time with 17 credits of 300 level classes. And it's fucking frustrating as hell. School burns me the fuck out, and completely obliterates my creative drive for filmmaking.

I'm somewhat jealous of people that can actually make use of their majors and can actually enjoy going to school. For me it is an epic battle to continue going to class, because it's largely just a waste of time that is ruining my life. The mounds of bullshit that prevent me from being happy are enormous and quite depressing.

Now, the trick is graduating next quarter before I completely throw everything to hell.

 

[WHOAguitarninja]

any other ideas?

If you can stomach the idea of going alone, then there's probably a street nearby to the campus (probably close to the frat houses...though not necessarily) that will have lots of parties going on outside, assuming the weather is nice. If you see a dude standing around holding cups(probably red plastic ones, maybe clear though), then you've found your party. Bring some money, because usually admittance is not free (unless the frats are rushing....rush events are typically free). My school is considered expensive, average cost of a cup is $5. Go, get your cup, find the keg, filler up, if you're not a beer person than try and imagine that you are, cuz it's usually cheap beer that you'll be drinking, and the first few will probably taste like piss.

If you can bring a friend or group of friends and just go party hunting. It's easier to do it that way. Don't be afraid to explore off campus a little bit. Just be careful if you go out alone because you don't want to get robbed.

 

[Drozmight]

Slayn is my hero. I can relate to that. Only it wasn't GAF, but my roomate and his friends that were always trying to get me to go out, convinced that there was something wrong with me. Finally, after a while I just said fuck it and stopped even listening to them.

 

[demon]

So college came around and I spent my fresman year as a recluse. I had a mostly uneventfull freshman year. Didn't drink, didn't go to parties or bars, etc. By sophomore year I had reached a bout of depression that would keep me bed-ridden all day long at times. I felt like I was missing out. This is college, I should be out partying, going out to meet people, etc.

Holy shit. I could have written that.

This was not a growing and enlightening experience that people should endure through. It is not an experience I would wish on anybody. It was two years of misery and extreme depression caused by continual failure learning that you people are fucking wrong. And I look at these posts saying the same words that instilled years of agony into my being and I want to hit you with a stick until you shut up.

That's great that you found contentment with your life, but that doesn't mean everyone else who craves more of a social life will come to the same conclusion about what they want. I know for a fact that I'd be happy if I knew a lot more people and had crazier experiences and whanot; on those rare occassions that I do, it's an unusually happy moment in my otherwise tediously dull life, and unlike other people who eventually feel "enough is enough" and need 'alone time' after a long bout of socializing, I'm always disappointed that it's over and sink back into depression. And the eras of my life that saw the most socializing and hanging out with people were also the happiest. So don't try to discourage people from trying the whole "social, outgoing" thing.


morbidaza- like I said, there are shitloads of house parties near my apartment during the semesters. I've walked by them a number of times, but everyone's always already engaged in conversation with a group of people and I can never imagine myself just 'joining in'. It would be a lot easier if I were with someone, which really isn't an option for me.
oh, and I'm out of school now, btw.

 

[slayn]

my only hope is that I can instill in people the belief that if they are depressed because they aren't going out/don't have a girlfriend they seriously sit down and think about why they want those things before listening to everyone else and opening themselves up for the impending torture that may come.

edit:
plus the fact that say someone like you demon, that truly enjoys those gatherings, doesn't need someone to tell him that he should get out more. You actually want to get out more just by yourself.

my general belief is that spouting the words, 'you just need to open up and alter your personality and take chances by going to places you are uncomfortable at' can only do harm. No one that those words are true for, actually need to hear them.

 

[demon]

my only hope is that I can instill in people the belief that if they are depressed because they aren't going out/don't have a girlfriend they seriously sit down and think about why they want those things before listening to everyone else and opening themselves up for the impending torture that may come.

Alright. But while I understand how "partying" and binge-drinking etc. themselves may be overrated, you really shouldn't have to sit down and contemplate much on why you crave social interaction, new experiences and relationships. It's entirely natural to want that, and I'd almost say unnatural to not want it to some degree.

 

[IAmtheFMan]

If you live in the dorms, find a group of friends that share your interest that you can have fun with. Everyone tries to be friends with everyone else freshman year, but the truth is, half the people that you'll interact with, you'll most likely never see again after freshman year (depending on how big the college is; I went to a University with about 18,000-20,000; not as big as they get, but not small either.)

I know there's a discussion raging on about the whole party/alcohol scene, but don't be afraid to try new things. At least give something a shot with an open mind, with some discretion (don't go smoking rocks or anything.)

Most of all, just have fun. The academics are important, but you also learn a lot just by your experiences.

 

[WHOAguitarninja]

morbidaza- like I said, there are shitloads of house parties near my apartment during the semesters. I've walked by them a number of times, but everyone's always already engaged in conversation with a group of people and I can never imagine myself just 'joining in'. It would be a lot easier if I were with someone, which really isn't an option for me.
oh, and I'm out of school now, btw.

Well that is tougher...yea, I'll agree to that. I'm not really sure how to help ya. If you were in college park I'd take ya partying with me, haha. I know I'd be in your situation too probably if I didn't luck out and know the right people from the get go.

Just remember the first step is always the hardest. If you can find a way to take that first step, then you're there. You're always right outside the door, it's just a matter of finding out how to get in. It may take some effort, but once you're in, it's pretty easy to stay 'in'. Atleast that's been my experience. Just keep your eyes peeled for an oppurtunity, and when you see it, don't hesitate.

 

[Meier]

Another suggestion for meeting people is to try and get a job somewhere on campus. You're then forced to interact with other students and it might help you be able to feel more confident talking to strangers and the like. If your school is like mine (Florida State), it probably has some sort of movie theatre for students as well and that's also a good place to meet people. Go frequently, talk to the staff, befriend them. Talk to other regulars of the area.. it'll help, believe me!

slayn: Sorry for your poor experiences.. good luck with things down the line. I feel sorry for you though because you're going to have to interact with others socially at some point down the line and likely will want to look for a girlfriend and college serves as a good place to work on your social skills and you apparently eschewed that. If that makes you happy now, well then great, but I think down the line you might regret it.

 

[slayn]

It's entirely natural to want that, and I'd almost say unnatural to not want it to some degree.

thats the exact line of thinking that I want to destroy -_-

 

[Drozmight]

Sadly, this world wasn't built with us loners in mind.

 

[slayn]

Sadly, this world wasn't built with us loners in mind.

thats cuz we're too lazy to build it, so they do all the construction ;P

 

[videogamer]

But college offers so much more than just a baseline. I mean if you want to just go to get a degree and get nothing else out, fine, be my guest. But if that's all you want to do with college, I'd argue that you're really missing the point. It's called higher education for a reason. I'd wager that a large part of that reason is for finding out your own personal likes and dislikes, and growing into yourself as a person. If all college was supposed to be was a peice of paper, then that is what they'd call it.

Yes, college does offer more than just a baseline. That's why I used that word. Back to why I mentioned it: You said something about people not being ready for college if they weren't ready for college. I say that they have the very minimum for going through college if they were able to get into the college in the first place.

Wow. Dude...lighten up. I'm gonna go on the assumption that this paragraph didn't come out quite like you planned it, because if that's exactly what you meant, you're COMPLETELY missing the point. Parties are there to have fun. You go to a party, you get boozed up, loosen up, maybe dance a bit and meet some people and have fun. You may never talk to these people again, or you may make a lifelong friend. But I have never ever ever EVER heard somebody say "lets go party...I'm in the mood to meet some useful people". If that paragraph is how you really think...then simply put, your conception of a party is way off. There is very rarely any higher level thinking going on at a party. Closest exception would be get me and a few other physics majors boozed up and listen to us ramble on lots of weird what-if's.

Well, I'm not very much a people person. I'll say that I share slayn's visceral dislike of the things he mentioned. But we have our goals. For these goals, we do things we might not otherwise. For instance, it is difficult to gain a leadership position in a club if the club members don't know you. Even if you worked your ass off making the club run, popularity still counts. So what do you do? Override the gut and get to work.

Social gatherings also provide the opportunity to find out about even more opportunities. There might be some summer internship or a weekend job tutoring. My relatives tell me this is what the "real world" is like. Might was well practice on my classmates now.

I never said you couldn't. If you choose to saturate your brain with other people's interests thats fine, if a bit uncommon, personally I have a hard enough time remembering most people's names(coincidentally, a problem I never had before college...I attribute it mainly to the rediculous rate at which you meet people in college). But youre simply not meeting everyone you could be meeting. Hell you may meet the love of your life at a party. That's how my parents met.

Interesting point. Going through massive quantities of people to find a person. However, I'd rather go to a place where a probability of finding a like-minded person is higher.

If he's dead set on getting straight A's, as I've already mentioned, unless he goes to an easy school, he probably won't meet much of anybody in his classes because he'll be focused on the professor. Introductory courses aren't generally very hard, but they're sufficiently challenging, atleast at my school, that you DO have to pay attention the whole class to catch everything.

Just talk to people before or after class. Come to class early. It gives a good impression to the professor, and you might find other similar people that way.

If you go to school clubs just to meet girls...man. That's a shameful thing to admit right there. I'm not implying you're saying that's what you do (I know you meant that he may meet girls in clubs that he is in, I know). I'm not really sure how to approach this one. There's always a chance that you'll meet girls in a club, but it's not terribly likely. It's not terribly likely that you'll meet girls in any signifigant way in any specific place, so you just go everywhere and meet who you can. It's about experiencing everything.

Heh I have like the opposite experience. I am literally surrounded by girls (many unattached) at one of the clubs I hang around at.

Remember...I'm not advocating that he go to every party, even if he decides he doesn't like them. I'm saying, go out, go to a party, try and have a good time. If he sees it's not for him, then he won't go to any/many more parties. Its as simple as that. All that he lost is a night.

More might be lost. If he falls like some other posters mentioned, he might get drunk. That might lead to him becoming an alcoholic. He might start using drugs. He might get a venereal disease. Of course, these are like worse case scenarios, but the possibility remains. When he feels that he's ready, that's when I suggest he try it.

 

[Boogie]

If you can stomach the idea of going alone, then there's probably a street nearby to the campus (probably close to the frat houses...though not necessarily) that will have lots of parties going on outside, assuming the weather is nice. If you see a dude standing around holding cups(probably red plastic ones, maybe clear though), then you've found your party. Bring some money, because usually admittance is not free (unless the frats are rushing....rush events are typically free). My school is considered expensive, average cost of a cup is $5. Go, get your cup, find the keg, filler up, if you're not a beer person than try and imagine that you are, cuz it's usually cheap beer that you'll be drinking, and the first few will probably taste like piss.

If you can bring a friend or group of friends and just go party hunting. It's easier to do it that way. Don't be afraid to explore off campus a little bit. Just be careful if you go out alone because you don't want to get robbed.

Yeah, I don't really have any partying friends (certainly not the two guys I'll be living with next year. The girls are another story, but I don't know if I'm comfortable going to them for help in this area).

I guess I'm not opposed to trying to go it alone, but when I'm alone, I tend not to be in a very sociable mood. Ah well, it's all academic anyway, since as I said, I don't know where and when any parties are.

(Oh, and I ain't concerned about being robbed when I'm alone. Anyone who can manage to mug me would deserve the money

 

[Acrylamid]

re-evaluated what exactly I wanted in a companion and realized that the kind of person I would want to be with is probably shut up in their room having the same problems I am and the chances of actually meeting them are pretty slim. And its certainly not going to happen in any of the miserable places of my ‘failures.’

[...]

The lesson that people need to learn is that different people are uncomfortable in different situations FOR A REASON. You are not going to meet people you like by going to places filled with people enjoying that which you hate.

Now that you're satisfied again with who you are and how you lead your life, do you think that you don't really need to have a girlfriend to be happy (but wouldn't mind if you'd find someone by chance) or is the longing to find someone to love and to be loved by still there?
I agree with almost all that you have written but I feel that this one problem isn't really solved in the end.

 

[WHOAguitarninja]

Yes, college does offer more than just a baseline. That's why I used that word. Back to why I mentioned it: You said something about people not being ready for college if they weren't ready for college. I say that they have the very minimum for going through college if they were able to get into the college in the first place.

But that doesn't change what I consider to be a simple fact that if you're stable enough to even get into college, then you can go to a party. It's really NOT a hard thing to do.

Well, I'm not very much a people person. I'll say that I share slayn's visceral dislike of the things he mentioned. But we have our goals. For these goals, we do things we might not otherwise. For instance, it is difficult to gain a leadership position in a club if the club members don't know you. Even if you worked your ass off making the club run, popularity still counts. So what do you do? Override the gut and get to work.

This is understandable, but it really doesn't have much to do with the matter we're discussing.

Social gatherings also provide the opportunity to find out about even more opportunities. There might be some summer internship or a weekend job tutoring. My relatives tell me this is what the "real world" is like. Might was well practice on my classmates now.

I'm not saying this is bad or wrong in any way. There is just more experiences to be had. If you treat every social experience as a means to an end, and never as an end in and of itself, you simply won't be fun to be around. People then won't want to help you out.

Interesting point. Going through massive quantities of people to find a person. However, I'd rather go to a place where a probability of finding a like-minded person is higher.

I'd agree that your 'friend to person' ratio at clubs or common interest gatherings will probably be a bit higher, but you'll meet alot of people at parties, more than you would at a typical club I'd say. It's more a matter of meeting people very very different from yourself. How would you go about meeting someone that had completely different interests than you? As I've mentioned before, I have friends that I don't really share a common interest with.

Just talk to people before or after class. Come to class early. It gives a good impression to the professor, and you might find other similar people that way.

Depending on how you schedule your classes, this isn't always an option though. If your schedule has classes run together then you can't really do this. And I find that typically there aren't that many people around before class, and people don't tend to stick around after class. I'm talking general classes here, not classes within your major. It's of course easy to meet people within your major.

Heh I have like the opposite experience. I am literally surrounded by girls (many unattached) at one of the clubs I hang around at.

Certainly not common, among my experiences. But it's still restricting the field to people who share that specific interest.

More might be lost. If he falls like some other posters mentioned, he might get drunk. That might lead to him becoming an alcoholic. He might start using drugs. He might get a venereal disease. Of course, these are like worse case scenarios, but the possibility remains. When he feels that he's ready, that's when I suggest he try it.

A few beers is not going to make you an alcoholic. It will not make you start using drugs. It will (sadly)not turn you into a master pimp who can get laid right then and there. You don't turn into some other person when you're drunk, completely incapable of controlling yourself. You loosen up and that's pretty much that. If he's going out and getting trashed every night then that's one thing, but I'm the last person that would advocate doing that.

 

[slayn]

Now that you're satisfied again with who you are and how you lead your life, do you think that you don't really need to have a girlfriend to be happy (but wouldn't mind if you'd find someone by chance) or is the longing to find someone to love and to be loved by still there?
I agree with almost all that you have written but I feel that this one problem isn't really solved in the end.

The former.
If I find someone and we like each other, great. But I'm not going to exert myself to find a girl I will prolly not think very highly of just to get laid and carry the title of 'boyfriend.'