Dear Salinger:
Your Mom told me about Monster House scaring you. It sounds like one of the things that upset you is the fact that the house kept wanting to hurt people even after nobody wanted to hurt it anymore.
I will tell you a secret that sounds so silly, you might not believe it, but this is true: I never finished writing Monster House before my bosses turned it into a movie. And then different writers, people I dont even know, changed the story in lots of ways, and the movie that you saw was not the story I wanted to tell you.
I think a good story, even if it is sad or scary while youre watching it, should always make you a little less scared after youve seen it. Because even a scary story, if its a good scary story, takes us into strange, dark places that dont make sense at first, and helps us see that they do make sense, and are therefore not so scary.
And that didnt happen in Monster House. The kids go inside the house, and everythings scary in there, but nothing starts making more sense. I dont know about you, but when I go inside a giant scary monster, I expect to be rewarded for my bravery. There should always be something inside a monster that helps you understand it, and makes you less scared of it, and able to make the monster go away. Not just a bunch of stuff that makes you more confused and scared.
And why, after they escaped the house, did that old man tell them another scary story about a mean fat lady that didnt make very much sense either? Ill tell you why. Because Gil Kenan is a hack and Steven Spielberg is a moron. But hey, I shouldnt be dumping this stuff on you.
Lets just say, Salinger, that I have a lot of questions about that movie, too. And because I saw them making it, I know its not real, so it doesnt scare me, but it makes me mad that it scared you, because I tried to tell them they were making a bad movie that was going to confuse and frighten smart children, instead of making children more brave, and they acted like I was stupid for being afraid that would happen.
I guess you and I are just smarter than other people, and I guess part of being smart is being scared of things that dont scare other people. Henrys a little younger than us and he just thinks the movie looks cool, which it does. And we wont take that away from him. But you and I are looking at the movie through smart, sensitive, older eyes, and we can see how confusing it is.
The good news is, although our smart, sensitive, older eyes will probably always see more reasons to be afraid than other peoples eyes, we also have smart, sensitive older brains that can make sense of scary things, and make them less scary, not only for us, but for everyone else. Who knows what kind of amazing things you will be doing as you live your life. Maybe you will tell stories, or paint pictures, or sing songs, or climb mountains, or clean streets, or study insects or rescue elephants. But we know one thing for sure: you are going to be very special while youre doing it, and youre going to remove a lot of fear from other peoples lives, because youre smart enough to see it, which means youre smart enough to conquer it.
I hope one day I can finish writing a movie that they dont change so much, and if you see it, I hope it makes you happy. Until then, I heard that Wall-E is very good, you should go see that. And next time Monster House is on, just remember that the guy that wrote it told you it was dumb.
Dan
