Dude, reading this harrowing tale (sincerely, it does not sound like a good time so whatever else I hope you find some alleviation) does raise some red flags. One thing I want to point out to you is that you describe the feelings you have in great detail "I can literally feel it inside me even when it's low key, it's like a festering malginance....". In my experience (10+ years work in psychiatry) people can be very sick (e.g. have pretty advanced cancer for example, which would be a literal festering malignance) and they don't know something's wrong. Humans don't generally have the ability to discern that kind of internal stuff without the aid of medical technology unless it gets pretty bad. Otherwise there would be no late cancer diagnoses, when in fact they are quite common unfortunately. So I want to say that it's a possibility that the feelings you describe have an emotional rather than a physical cause. The way you describe it has a kind of catastrophizing ring to it (it's in my entire body) that definitely sets off some alarm bells. I don't know if you're seeing a mental health professional (which is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of) but I would recommend that you keep in contact with one. It really is fairly common for people to think that symptoms that are caused by psychological stress/strain are actually signs of physical illness because of the way the mind occludes things that make us feel vulnerable.
Were you already worried about the vax beforehand BTW?
Yes, I see a therapist.
I’m highly, highly skeptical this was/is emotionally or mentally caused, it’s physiological. It causes vomiting, diarrhea, these sickly spells, and my chronic cough with a constant feeling of presence in my chest. Further, my labs are fine, but have shown elevated inflammation which has made them suspicious of lupus. The symptoms coincided and elevated with the shots, and curiously, as time has distanced me from them, they've seemed to settle a bit. It’s still present, but comparatively to immediately post inoculation the first few months after, it’s lessened in severity to the point of being tolerable. It was hellish for a few months, again, to the point I was institutionalized because not only was I in hell physically, but being told by various doctors I was the picture of health and that they could not help me plunged me into despair and tended me towards final solutions because I felt so helpless. I held on, and thankfully the symptoms have abated somewhat, but there are still bad days that leave me in bed.
No, I never was a bit hesitant about the vaccine. I didn’t think a thing of it actually, in fact I recall looking forward to getting it. The truth is, it never occurred to me even in my worst times it might be the cause, it’s only after I had a bit of retrospection and the ineffectiveness of diagnosis and repeated doctor visits did I notice a perfect coinciding of my shots with the escalation of my symptoms. I’ve also stumbled upon this, among others:
Coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19) pandemic has become challenging even for the most durable healthcare systems. It seems that vaccination, one of the most effective public-health interventions, presents a ray of hope to end the pandemic by ...
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Much of this flies way over my head, but the general gist strikes home. I don’t know if this is what occurred, but apparently it appears to be hypothetically possible that for people with pre-existing auto-immune conditions, this type of vaccine may trigger a “flare” of symptoms in the manner of its mechanism. I’ve not been diagnosed with auto-immunity, but given my past history, I am certainly at elevated risk. All this to say, I don’t mean any of this to be a discouraging of vaccination for others, nor construed as an anti-vaxxer position. Even if this was caused by the vaccine, I wouldn’t argue that others shouldn't get the poke just because of my experience. Many are fine with it, as evidence and efficacy has established. But I do wish I’d researched a bit more prior to getting my shot, especially considering my medical history. I jumped at the chance, precisely
because of it, and I think that was an error in judgement looking back.
I‘m not sure I’d agree with the seemingly overriding narrative that these vaccines are entirely harmless. My life has been a living hell for the past half year. Maybe the vaccine, maybe not….but more than a few pieces fall too perfectly into place for me to discount it entirely. I can tell you for certain I’ll not be getting my booster, and could I do it over again, would’ve taken my chances with Covid and worn a mask for others.
If you’re immunocompromised and a cancer survivor, you are perfectly entitled to feel cautious about the vaccine.
Of course you’re not an anti-vaxxer.
But you are someone being put at unnecessary risk by anti-vaxxers (healthy people with no good reason not to get jabbed) which is why they’re arseholes.
Speak to your healthcare provider for advice I suppose?
I have, many, many times over. They are at a loss, even in leads they once had.
As mentioned, I am currently pursuing going to Mayo for another opinion. Also have a doctor friend out of state who is interested in getting his hands on me.
journals.sagepub.com
ktla.com
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