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[n64coder]

A couple of posters (either here or in the online dating thread) said they wanted a woman's perspective on things and when I asked what they wanted to know they never replied!

I'll ask some questions.

• If you notice a guy that you would like to get to know better, how do you let him know?
• Do you have any rules when dating a guy or if he calls?
• How do you tell a guy that you're not interested or want to end the relationship/contact?

When I was dating my wife, she and her girlfriends would follow the book known as "The Rules" or something like that. Some off the stuff it told her to do were: if a guy calls Thurs or Friday to make plans for the weekend, tell him you're busy even though you might not be. Return calls the next day. Etc.

I think it's pretty similar. They agonize over whether to contact someone too soon, they wonder if they're getting mixed signals from a guy, they wonder if they should tell someone their feelings, etc.

Yeah, seeing my daughter wish she had a boyfriend and thinks that guys don't like smart girls. Sigh. I try to give her my advice/perspective and say that yes, guys can be shallow in high school but as we grow up, we're not looking for the perfect beauty. I know because I was one of those guys.

 

[GtwoK]

I need some date ideas!

Finally made a real great connection with someone who didn't abandon conversation after a few days. We're gonna meet Thursday, but I'm not worried about it. Conversation has been great, a lot of flirting, she hasn't stopped telling me that she finds me really attractive.

I told her I'm shit with date ideas. Said that she should pick something and I would pick something and we'd do both. She picked bubble tea, which I've never tried. I told her I need to come up with something still, but worst case we could just chill with a movie at one of our places (she had mentioned earlier in the day that she felt down and "just wanted to cuddle and watch netflix"). When I suggested that, she said "That's fuckboi code for let's bang". Which was kinda funny, and I think was a joke. Don't know. Cause I would agree with her that normally that's what it means, so I don't want to come across that way. But given that she already mentioned watching Netflix together, and that I'm shit at dates, I'm struggling to come up with other ideas. Maybe just a walk in the park or something.

Any suggestions?

 

[Gray Matter]

Thinking of texting the girl that took forever to reply. Haven't texted her in over a week, she was away last week, and I think she should be back by now, working again most likely.

Tell me not to GAF!

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I need some date ideas!

Finally made a real great connection with someone who didn't abandon conversation after a few days. We're gonna meet Thursday, but I'm not worried about it. Conversation has been great, a lot of flirting, she hasn't stopped telling me that she finds me really attractive.

I told her I'm shit with date ideas. Said that she should pick something and I would pick something and we'd do both. She picked bubble tea, which I've never tried. I told her I need to come up with something still, but worst case we could just chill with a movie at one of our places (she had mentioned earlier in the day that she felt down and "just wanted to cuddle and watch netflix"). When I suggested that, she said "That's fuckboi code for let's bang". Which was kinda funny, and I think was a joke. Don't know. Cause I would agree with her that normally that's what it means, so I don't want to come across that way. But given that she already mentioned watching Netflix together, and that I'm shit at dates, I'm struggling to come up with other ideas. Maybe just a walk in the park or something.

Any suggestions?

You're already failing this initial test, but you have time to turn it around. Remember: it's not the location, it's the company. Additionally, as I've mentioned before, it's generally true that girls like plans; you've basically turned heel on that entire sentiment and put the ball in her court -- which, honestly, might be okay, given the level of flirting and teasing you already have. But you still have to attempt your portion.

There's one good response to her "that's code for let's bang," and that's to say something like, "Don't get ahead of yourself now. I don't put out that easily."

Anyway, don't harp on the fact that you're "shit at dates." I mean, you are: you're not even trying. You have to put in some effort, if only to signal that you've given it some thought. This is your first meeting. Drinks are fine. Grabbing a snack is fine. Taking a walk in the park, that's fine too. (Pro-tip: bring a picnic basket and snacks, and suddenly, it's practical with the possibility of being romantic.) Surely there's something to do where you live that you enjoy? Just share that with her.

Again, let me reiterate: you two could have painfully awful chemistry IRL, so you don't need to think of an amazing date idea. You just need to make a little bit of effort, that's all.

 

[GtwoK]

Thinking of texting the girl that took forever to reply. Haven't texted her in over a week, she was away last week, and I think she should be back by now, working again most likely.

Tell me not to GAF!

willywonkastopdont.gif

You're already failing this initial test, but you have time to turn it around. Remember: it's not the location, it's the company. Additionally, as I've mentioned before, it's generally true that girls like plans; you've basically turned heel on that entire sentiment and put the ball in her court -- which, honestly, might be okay, given the level of flirting and teasing you already have. But you still have to attempt your portion.

There's one good response to her "that's code for let's bang," and that's to say something like, "Don't get ahead of yourself now. I don't put out that easily."

Anyway, don't harp on the fact that you're "shit at dates." I mean, you are: you're not even trying. You have to put in some effort, if only to signal that you've given it some thought. This is your first meeting. Drinks are fine. Grabbing a snack is fine. Taking a walk in the park, that's fine too. (Pro-tip: bring a picnic basket and snacks, and suddenly, it's practical with the possibility of being romantic.) Surely there's something to do where you live that you enjoy? Just share that with her.

Again, let me reiterate: you two could have painfully awful chemistry IRL, so you don't need to think of an amazing date idea. You just need to make a little bit of effort, that's all.

Sensible advice. The reason I'm a little unsure is because she doesn't very "traditional" (though that doesn't make much sense to say, I suppose). I feel like she'd find the whole picnic in the park idea very cheesy. I've just realized that I'm really not even sure what her interests are (which is a good sign, considering my past conversations. Normally we run out of conversation topics and I default to "what are you interested in", but we haven't even gotten to that yet), which is probably why I'm struggling. There's an independent-retroish movie theatre I'd love to go to and that I know she likes, but movies are shit first dates.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Thinking of texting the girl that took forever to reply. Haven't texted her in over a week, she was away last week, and I think she should be back by now, working again most likely.

Tell me not to GAF!

Why would you want to waste your time on someone who gives zero fucks about you?

Your time is more valuable than that.

 

[AcridMeat]

Same here. I was out with some girls the other night and one of them was asking for advice on how to contact this guy she just started dating. It was fascinating to see the other side of the coin for once.

A couple of posters (either here or in the online dating thread) said they wanted a woman's perspective on things and when I asked what they wanted to know they never replied!

I think it's pretty similar. They agonize over whether to contact someone too soon, they wonder if they're getting mixed signals from a guy, they wonder if they should tell someone their feelings, etc.

It probably just happens more frequently (in terms of getting approached/contacted).

I meant more as, seeing the significant others' side of the story in contrast to some of the crazy stories in this thread.

In general would be helpful too, electricshake I appreciate you offering up, I'll ask once I come up with one.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

It's a first date: don't overdo it. If you go all out and then she flakes or there's no connection, you've just wasted a lot of time for nothing.

I like an earlier suggestion (a few pages back) of "extending" the date if it goes well. Meet at a coffee shop, and then hit up the bookstore down the street, or the nearby park, or even a movie at the theatre. If you want to be cheeky, meet near her/your place in case you hit it off and things escalate. Either way, a casual setting is a good metric for determining if she's insane or the One.

 

[Gray Matter]

Why would you want to waste your time on someone who gives zero fucks about you?

Your time is more valuable than that.

I got nothing to lose, so why not?

 

[Salamando]

Well, I may have a date with a lesbian on Thursday.

We've been on two dates already...there's been hugs, but no kissing. Yesterday I ask her out, using the word date, and today she gets back to me with her free time. Just now, I checked on her OKC profile, it's inactive. But for a brief moment I could still see her info, and I swear it listed her orientation as "gay", whereas it was just "questioning" earlier. Server hiccup? Girl discovered her sexuality? Guess I'll find out when/if she goes through with the date.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I got nothing to lose, so why not?

If you KNOW that you won't stare at your phone, waiting for a reply, then sure.

 

[Gray Matter]

If you KNOW that you won't stare at your phone, waiting for a reply, then sure.

Yea, I pretty sure I won't, plus, I'll most likely see her again soon anyway.

 

[ZackieChan]

Thinking of texting the girl that took forever to reply. Haven't texted her in over a week, she was away last week, and I think she should be back by now, working again most likely.

Tell me not to GAF!

Don't do it, man. That ship has sailed. I'd rather see you text 3 other girls instead.

I got nothing to lose, so why not?

Only your self respect.

There's a girl at my work that I've never really spoken to but a month ago we had a going away party and she was there. We chatted for a bit and she seems pretty cool. She added me on facebook then to another going out thing with work people. We chatting a little but mostly silly stuff. A couple weeks later she messaged me and we got chatting again for 2 hours. Then I messaged her the next day and again a couple days later, again we ended up chatting for a while and got on really well.

I was thinking of asking her out but I'm not sure where to take her to. I know she's into a few sports but that's about it. She did mention she loves pizza and we were joking about opening our own pizza shop but eating everything. Would simply asking her out to a nice pizza place be good enough? I don't want to fuck it up and make it all awkward since we work together but she seems to be into me. She's also quite a bit younger than me.

Why not set up a challenge of who knows the better pizza place? You choose one first and eat there. Then on the next date she has to choose. Or you go to yours first and then hers in the same night if you're having fun. Then get drinks after.

Sounds like a fun way to do it!

Gotta make sure it's clear it is a date, though.

 

[shanafan]

Thinking of texting the girl that took forever to reply. Haven't texted her in over a week, she was away last week, and I think she should be back by now, working again most likely.

Tell me not to GAF!

Yeah, don't. You are better than that. As it has already been said, your time is more valuable than that. Sorry dude, the ship has sailed. She isn't interested, so don't make it any more awkward for the both of you.

 

[Gray Matter]

I guess I just had a moment of emotional relapse

 

[stn]

I guess I just had a moment of emotional relapse

Always use the Brad Pitt test. I promise it works.

 

[Jokab]

Always use the Brad Pitt test. I promise it works.

It's a good rule of thumb, but I'm not convinced it works 100% of the time. Sometimes you might convince a girl that is reluctant to go out with you because of your average looks, and then surprise her with how charming and funny you are.

 

[Gray Matter]

Always use the Brad Pitt test. I promise it works.

What is the brad Pitt test?

 

[Jokab]

What is the brad Pitt test?

I hate to be an ass about it, but come on dude. http://lmgtfy.com/?q=brad+pitt+test

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

Anyone had a love at first sight situation? I'm asking because I've always thought that was bullshit, but I think it has happened to me and I am running up and down the walls.


... I gave her my wallet. I have to get it back!!

 

[Gray Matter]

Anyone had a love at first sight situation? I'm asking because I've always thought that was bullshit, but I think it has happened to me and I am running up and down the walls.


... I gave her my wallet. I have to get it back!!

You what? Why did you give her your wallet?!

 

[Lionheart1827]

Anyone had a love at first sight situation? I'm asking because I've always thought that was bullshit, but I think it has happened to me and I am running up and down the walls.


... I gave her my wallet. I have to get it back!!

Ummm, why...?

 

[gaiages]

Anyone had a love at first sight situation? I'm asking because I've always thought that was bullshit, but I think it has happened to me and I am running up and down the walls.


... I gave her my wallet. I have to get it back!!

????

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

You what? Why did you give her your wallet?!

Ummm, why...?

????

She was going to leave the continent. I was desperate. She was pessimistic about never seeing me again. So I just kissed her and gave her my wallet so I had an excuse to see her again.
She then gave me her bracelet. It looks expensive.

She asked if I could come to New York at the end of september, but there is just no way. I can't go until next summer at the earliest.



We're supposed to write physical letters. She doesn't have a facebook or stuff like that. I guess I fucked up. Or I don't know. I've never known anyone who has had stuff like this work out. so, crap. Yeah, I gave my wallet to a girl I met twice.

 

[AcridMeat]

What the hell am I reading? So you..."bought" her bracelet?

 

[Roberto Larcos]

What the hell am I reading? So you..."bought" her bracelet?

For the very reasonable fare of his wallet + all cash and cards inside.

 

[Howard Ballou]

She was going to leave the continent. I was desperate. She was pessimistic about never seeing me again. So I just kissed her and gave her my wallet so I had an excuse to see her again.
She then gave me her bracelet. It looks expensive.

She asked if I could come to New York at the end of september, but there is just no way. I can't go until next summer at the earliest.



We're supposed to write physical letters. She doesn't have a facebook or stuff like that. I guess I fucked up. Or I don't know. I've never known anyone who has had stuff like this work out. so, crap. Yeah, I gave my wallet to a girl I met twice.

If you have credit cards, you probably want to go ahead and cancel those.

 

[Salamando]

A bracelet that looks expensive...that alone makes this sound like some con artists ploy.

 

[Llyranor]

Thinking of texting the girl that took forever to reply. Haven't texted her in over a week, she was away last week, and I think she should be back by now, working again most likely.

Tell me not to GAF!

Even ignoring the Brad Pitt rule, girls are just people, not an alien species. If a girl does something that you're not sure of, ask yourself what you would do.

Would you take a week to reply to a girl you were interested in who had asked you out? Even if you were working/busy all week.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

No, there was no money or anything. it was just a stupid Naruto wallet;

But it has meaning to me. Have had for half a decade, always makes people laugh every time I whip it out.

A bracelet that looks expensive...that alone makes this sound like some con artists ploy.

I have no idea if it is. I guess it's not the point. She said it was her favorite bracelet!

 

[AcridMeat]

Through reflection I've decided you two are meant to be, go to NY ASAP.

 

[Unai]

No, there was no money or anything. it was just a stupid Naruto wallet;

But it has meaning to me. Have had for half a decade, always makes people laugh every time I whip it out.






I have no idea if it is. I guess it's not the point. She said it was her favorite bracelet!

If somehow this work in the end, it's going to be such an amazing story to tell the grandchildren.

 

[PflargBlarg]

When I was dating my wife, she and her girlfriends would follow the book known as "The Rules" or something like that. Some off the stuff it told her to do were: if a guy calls Thurs or Friday to make plans for the weekend, tell him you're busy even though you might not be. Return calls the next day. Etc.

Oh god, please tell me that they were following this book only while they were teenagers.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rules

That list of rules at the bottom of the page is horrific.

God, teenagers are dumb.

 

[Jokab]

Spoilering because it's a little nsfw (erectal dysfunction problems):

Spoiler

Had the Tinder girl over today and we started making out after a movie, eventually leading to the bed. Naturally, I couldn't get it up properly, no matter how both she and I tried. We settled with making out and cuddling, until eventually I got something going, but I lost it again after about two minutes of going at it.

Backstory: I'm a virgin, and without going into age too much, I'm pretty damn late. I've watched porn and masturbated pretty much every day for many many years, which obviously leads to this. I'm cutting all that out now, and I should have a long time ago.

I definitely find her attractive, so that's not the reason. I'm also really turned on, so that's not it either. I assume it's a combination of me being nervous and being too used to porn, which sucks. Luckily she was very understanding and I assured her that it's not her fault.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you deal with it?

If anybody cares, update:

Spoiler

We finally managed to do it today after a few times of just cuddling and not actually trying. Well I gotta say, that's was pretty damn nice, hah. Anyway, what I did was just to not watch any porn and only masturbate (sparingly, like once a week or maybe two) to my fantasy. That was for about three weeks and a few days plus maybe. I'm definitely not all the way "recovered", but it's good enough to have sex. She seemed to enjoy it anyway, so I'll take it.

Thanks to the people that gave me advice, you guys really helped!

 

[AcridMeat]

I dunno these seem pretty good.
Don't Tell Him What to Do
Don't Date a Married Man
Be Easy to Live With

And my favorite,

Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist

 

[Llyranor]

So is that the girl version of The Game or something? Personally, someone playing games is a major turn-off and a big sign of immaturity.

 

[gaiages]

Oh god, please tell me that they were following this book only while they were teenagers.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rules

That list of rules at the bottom of the page is horrific.

God, teenagers are dumb.

lol those rules

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

Hi gents, got a (first) date tonight that I'm looking forward to, I planned to take her to a cocktail bar, where we will mostly be sitting down. I want to change it up a bit, have some walking, moving involved, any ideas? Maybe leave the place early and go for ice cre around the block? I don't like "monotone" dates where you are sitting down across from each other all night.

 

[NateDrake]

Hi gents, got a (first) date tonight that I'm looking forward to, I planned to take her to a cocktail bar, where we will mostly be sitting down. I want to change it up a bit, have some walking, moving involved, any ideas? Maybe leave the place early and go for ice cre around the block? I don't like "monotone" dates where you are sitting down across from each other all night.

Ice cream could work, but can also been seen as juvenile. Depends the person.

What else is around the cocktail bar?

 

[Llyranor]

If ice cream is perceived as juvenile, bail out. What kind of monster doesn't like ice cream?!

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

Ice cream could work, but can also been seen as juvenile. Depends the person.

What else is around the cocktail bar?

Hmm unfortunately not much else, there's a nice park near by (just found out) but it will be quite late, past 10:00pm it will be dark out after we leave the cocktail lounge, so I donno, walking in a park late at night on a first date.. a lil' creepy.

The ice cream place closes at 10:00 as well, so we kinda have to rush things at the cocktail lounge, this makes things really complicated, but I really don;t want to have a stagnant, sit and talk date. Done those waay too many times. I want motion, movement, switch from face to face to side to side, etc.

If ice cream is perceived as juvenile, bail out. What kind of monster doesn't like ice cream?!

It's amazing ice cream, very delicious, my favorite flavor they got is... Whiskey Hazelnut.. hmm maybe we'll go from cocktails to ice cream! but this means we will need to only spend an hour at the cocktail place to make it to ice cream before close....doesn't sound too realistic (doable).

 

[NateDrake]

Hmm unfortunately not much else, there's a nice park near by (just found out) but it will be quite late, past 10:00pm it will be dark out after we leave the cocktail lounge, so I donno, walking in a park late at night on a first date.. a lil' creepy.

The ice cream place closes at 10:00 as well, so we kinda have to rush things at the cocktail lounge, this makes things really complicated, but I really don;t want to have a stagnant, sit and talk date. Done those waay too many times. I want motion, movement, switch from face to face to side to side, etc,

What time are you meeting at the bar?

If ice cream is perceived as juvenile, bail out. What kind of monster doesn't like ice cream?!

A girl I tried to take on a date. A nice ice cream spot right by the water. She flat out said "Ice cream is for kids."

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

What time are you meeting at the bar?


A girl I tried to take on a date. A nice ice cream spot right by the water. She flat out said "Ice cream is for kids."

This lady has allergy to wheat, she is kind of a gluten free type of girl.. Not sure if wheat is found in ice cream, doubt it... Ooh I think she mentioned being somewhat lactose intolerant too, FML!!

We're meeting at 8:30 its a late, weeknight date, we're both busy, ugh!

I am trying to date as much as I can to get that last woman out of my head to be honest, I hope this will work....

 

[electricshake]

I'll ask some questions.

• If you notice a guy that you would like to get to know better, how do you let him know?
• Do you have any rules when dating a guy or if he calls?
• How do you tell a guy that you're not interested or want to end the relationship/contact?

It's been a while since the first has happened, most of my dating experience is online. I'm in a serious relationship so it's not something I think about. I'd like to say I'd ask them out for a drink but honestly it would depend if I thought he liked me or not. But honestly I can't remember the last time I fancied someone that I didn't already know well or that I didn't meet online with the specific purpose of dating them.

Nah not really, I'm generally a terrible texter so if I don't reply straight away there's a good chance I'll forget to. As for calling, I hate talking on the phone so I'd let it go to voicemail and send a text apologising for missing it and asking what was up (not applicable to my bf, only someone I'm dating). No other rules like how soon after a date I'd text or anything like that, if I was interested in meeting up again I'd say.

After one date - if I wasn't interested I wouldn't text him, and I've never had a situation where he wants a second date and I don't - either we both have or neither of us have. Only one of my dating forays was ended by me (got dumped all other times) and I was honest. Well kind of...I told him I didn't want to see him again but I lied about the reason - said I wasn't over my ex (not entirely false) but the real reason was he was overweight and I found it unattractive. He was ok with his clothes on but without...But I thought that would be a shitty thing to tell him.

If we haven't met up yet I'll just stop texting him.


I've realised I'm not quite the norm in that I have no qualms on making a move on a date if I want to - on most first dates I've initiated the kissing (or third, as was the case with my current bf). Also not one for playing games, I try to be honest with guys but sometimes it can be difficult as I don't want to hurt their feelings. So I may not be able to provide the best insight to you guys but I'll do what I can. Any other questions just ask, I'll do my best to answer them.

 

[Llyranor]

This lady has allergy to wheat, she is kind of a gluten free type of girl.. Not sure if wheat is found in ice cream, doubt it... Ooh I think she mentioned being somewhat lactose intolerant too, FML!!

Does she have actually diagnosed celiac disease, or is she one of those picky granola types?

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

Does she have actually diagnosed celiac disease, or is she one of those picky granola types?

I think she does, she describe the digesting of Wheat to the equivalent of her stomach trying to work through shards of glass.. So yeah I'd say it's serious, she also said this started to happen recently...(past two years)

 

[ZackieChan]

Matched with a girl in Tinder whose profile info says "Looking for a serious relationship," etc.

Talked for a couple minutes, told her that I am only in town for a few weeks (I'm a nomad), then asked if she wants to get coffee or a drink Saturday. She enthusiastically said she wanted to.

Lesson? Either "What they write in their profiles is bullshit," or "I am already

Spoiler

wed

."

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

Matched with a girl in Tinder whose profile info says "Looking for a serious relationship," etc.

Talked for a couple minutes, told her that I am only in town for a few weeks (I'm a nomad), then asked if she wants to get coffee or a drink Saturday. She enthusiastically said she wanted to.

Lesson? Either "What they write in their profiles is bullshit," or "I am already

Spoiler

wed

."

I'd imagine she found the brief chat convo with you decent enough to trust to meet you, some chicks if they like you enough they'll try to keep you around longer...

Did you actually use the phrase 'I am a nomad"?


I say on my tinder...

"When you find a match on Tinder, why does it say "keep playing" ? For the record ladies I am no player" Some chicks dig that actually

But it is far from the truth, you cannot take someone's profile description as be all and end all.. to their personality.

 

[ZackieChan]

I'd imagine she found the brief chat convo with you decent enough to trust to meet you, some chicks if they like you enough they'll try to keep you around longer...

Did you actually use the phrase 'I am a nomad"?

My profile says something like "lawyer, entrepreneur and digital nomad"

Also I told her my travel plans for the rest of the year - Silicon valley, Seattle, LA, then back to Thailand for a few months.

But she is from Vietnam, so she dug that I had been there in Saigon last year. Also I have a photo of me and two cute dogs as my main pic, so girls usually like that.

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

My profile says something like "lawyer, entrepreneur and digital nomad"

Also I told her my travel plans for the rest of the year - Silicon valley, Seattle, LA, then back to Thailand for a few months.

But she is from Vietnam, so she dug that I had been there in Saigon last year. Also I have a photo of me and two cute dogs as my main pic, so girls usually like that.

Well now you're speaking the truth... To a woman these words.."lawyer" "entrepreneur" mean you're stable and financially well off and the word "digital" throws it off.. Doesn't say much about someone who is always traveling and on the move.

And.....Dude if you're coming up all to way to Seattle, might as well drive the extra two hours and come visit me (some of us GAFers) in Vancouver, I'll buy you a pint and we can hit on a few ladies here at the beach!!