I have improved somewhat, I would say. Today when I was talking to that girl, it was just a conversation. By what I mean by that is that even though I just met a total stranger in an awkward approach. I was able to have a simple conversation with her.
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
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Gotdatmoney
Member
I wouldn't do 18 personally. Mainly maturity reasons. 20 is fine. They should have some more life experience under their belt by then. But if you can make it work with an 18 year old sure. I just have never actually seen that type of thing work. But I'm only 23 so I dont have tons of friends 5 years plus or minus me.
I'm of this view too, though I'm in my late 20s. If there's mutual attraction and everything is legal I have no qualms with dating someone younger, even if she is 18.
Lately I've been interested in the idea of dating an older woman, though in my experience it's rare for women to date much younger than themselves.
This sounds great. It sounds like it's working for you. Build your confidence and social skills slowly with little conversations like these. Just don't push it into creepy territory and learn to spot signs that the person you're talking with is feeling uncomfortable and end the conversation if you sense she is feeling awkward.
I will always keep trying, just that maybe its time to focus on myself and put myself first.
As a student nearing the end of his PhD the only new people around campus are invariably 19 years old.
Afa
Member
Okay so I just started studying, week 4 into the semester and there's this really cute girl in my one 2hr tutorial class every second week.
I'm pretty alright in small talks and am building relations with my new class mates. Most of the time it comes naturally with either group work partners or just people I sit next to in class and something happens that strikes up a conversation.
In a weird way how we all chose our seats randomly at the start of the semester and now we're planted there. She doesn't sit near me.
This tutorial class has no group work and is just a plain questions and answers session. Also you may think this is an excuse but I have labs straight afterwards so not much loitering around after class.
So my question is, how do you begin a conversation with someone with no catalyst?
I'm pretty alright in small talks and am building relations with my new class mates. Most of the time it comes naturally with either group work partners or just people I sit next to in class and something happens that strikes up a conversation.
In a weird way how we all chose our seats randomly at the start of the semester and now we're planted there. She doesn't sit near me.
This tutorial class has no group work and is just a plain questions and answers session. Also you may think this is an excuse but I have labs straight afterwards so not much loitering around after class.
So my question is, how do you begin a conversation with someone with no catalyst?
Miles Quaritch
Member
Not every 18 year old is immature and not every 30 year old is mature.
Sometimes people just connect and you find things to talk about.
Sure, people are different. I'm speaking from my own experience. I'd consider maybe one girl (18-20) mature enough to date from the people I know.
I'd wager the latter is true, not every 30 yo is mature if they want to date a 18yo.
shrugs
Afa
Member
Count Dookkake
Member
I love the idea that everyone has SERIOUS discussions about IMPORTANT topics at all times.
Stop lying.
Also, people can vote at 18.
Stop lying.
Also, people can vote at 18.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
It's pretty incredible how sex is no obstacle but you're so condescending towards anyone who could possible like them as more than a sexual object.
Royal_Phalanx
Member
A big deal is made of maturity. If you connect, what's so weird about that? I'm 23 and I would hardly call myself mature and worldly compared to an 18 year old girl.
I couldn't care less if a 30 yo would date a 18 yo. Just saying based on my own experiences and people whom I see every day (my neighbours for example), the things they are talking about appear so different/dumb to me and I'm not even that "mature".
You would THINK the life situation would be pretty different but apparently not. Go ahead, date a teenager.
And a 23 yo is hardly a 30 yo.
You would THINK the life situation would be pretty different but apparently not. Go ahead, date a teenager.
And a 23 yo is hardly a 30 yo.
I'm 40 and there are PLENTY of stupid/immature people around my age, both in terms of book smarts and common sense.
What is worst about it is that if you call them out on it, or even just try to point out something outside of their view, they get angry and indignant - "how dare you". Whereas younger people will generally be more hip to hearing other viewpoints, trying out new things, etc.
Also many "older" women (especially once they are over 30-35) are going straight for kids/marriage, so there is a lot of pressure in dating if you are "the one" or not - of course, this is not as big a deal for someone younger most of the time.
What is worst about it is that if you call them out on it, or even just try to point out something outside of their view, they get angry and indignant - "how dare you". Whereas younger people will generally be more hip to hearing other viewpoints, trying out new things, etc.
Also many "older" women (especially once they are over 30-35) are going straight for kids/marriage, so there is a lot of pressure in dating if you are "the one" or not - of course, this is not as big a deal for someone younger most of the time.
Gotdatmoney
Member
I did orientation week at my university for 3 years. Full on interaction from campus move ins to tours. Some of these kids are 17 when they get to University. There is an undeniable gap in maturity betweem a first year student and a third year. By my last year of orientatiom I would be lying if I flatout didmt acknowledge kids in the 18ish range have large gaps in maturity missing. That's not their fault by any means but that was my experience.
Not trying to dampen the whole go for it mood of this thread but the whole "there are mature 18 year olds and immature 30 year olds" logic doesn't really fly for me. 18 year olds are immature by design, there are no 18 yar old kids with the years of experience, wwisdom and growth that a 30 year old "should" have. If being together makes you both happy then sure w/e, I aint here to say no, just that its naive to play it off as two equally mature people getting together. Its not. Nor does it need to be.
Royal_Phalanx
Member
I find that older women have their shit together and expect a lot more from you as a result. Hell, women who are merely a year or two older than me already have their own flat in a city with a housing crisis and have really good jobs whilst my only job prospects are retail.
Honestly I enjoy dating younger women more than older. I've said before I travel a lot so I'm not really trying to be serious with anyone. Younger women dating an older guy are there more for the experience than to find something super serious most of the time. Speaking in generalities, they like the maturity that an older guy brings. He won't take them to some frat party to get hammered, he'll take them to a nice place for dinner or theater or a museum (not saying I do, I'm cheap lol). Also I would say the sex is better too with an older guy. I know I'm a lot better at it now than I was when I was 20.
When you deal with older women they tend to want serious relationships right away. Marriage is more on their mind. There is pressure to make the relationship "real" instead of just some fun, even when you are upfront about your intentions to not be super serious.
It all depends on your dating goals on if an 18 year old should bother you or not.
When you deal with older women they tend to want serious relationships right away. Marriage is more on their mind. There is pressure to make the relationship "real" instead of just some fun, even when you are upfront about your intentions to not be super serious.
It all depends on your dating goals on if an 18 year old should bother you or not.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
But you absolutely do care, you went out of your way to insult people and talk about how there's " something wrong with them ". No one is saying there can't be a gap, others just don't like being judgemental and insulting to others over it. Especially when you said you have no problem with having sex with them but people who actually care about them in any way more than just sex are the ones who have problems :lol
Like I mentioned, to me it does indeed depend on maturity, even though I'm having trouble shaking off the fact that it didn't feel right. Plenty of people here answered me honestly and were able to clear my doubts. TBH, I'm not the most mature 28 eight year old, neither.
That said, I do have problems following your logic. Zaraki explained my sentiments perfectly.
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
Welp...back to square one.
Again.
Really thought this might've been one I could finally make work somehow, but its not to be. I think I'm just undateable, idk. There's gotta be something wrong with me.
Again.
Really thought this might've been one I could finally make work somehow, but its not to be. I think I'm just undateable, idk. There's gotta be something wrong with me.
User 479360
Banned
Is it abnormal to sleep (cuddle) with someone before having sex? Just sleep.
Of course not?
Like sleep all night but don't have sex on the first date and then on subsequent dates have sex? Or just have a nap, wake up, then bang?
ZackieChan
Member
Nope, it's fine.
User 479360
Banned
Just deciding to sleep together before having sex and not doing it then.
ZackieChan
Member
Nothing like a little Dating-age vagueposting in the morning!
User 479360
Banned
I haven't had the opportunity. It wasn't brought up or anything. I'm simply curious because I'm so new to dating and have barely gotten to the third date point before.
Still confused, were you guys tired so you told her "let's have a nap and bang later!" So then you slept and when you woke it was like 8 am and you slept through the night and now she has to get away to go to work?
Oh umm.. Well if you get to the point where you ask her to stay over and she crawls in your bed and you just roll over and go to sleep that's a little weird. If you aren't ready to have sex with her I guess make it clear you only want to sleep and not do anything sexual? Seems weird.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Therr aint no rule book brah. If you both want it you can do it lol.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
"Excuse me did you finish the assignment? How did you do question X?"
Silly alternative: "Excuse me, I want to ask the TA a question but I'm too shy. Would it be okay if I wrote it down and you asked for me?"
Always focus on yourself and put yourself first. Self-confidence is attractive. You can't be rejected if you're working on improving yourself and becoming a better person.
Don't target only attractive girls, and don't focus all your efforts on them. Be happy and confident with yourself, and then extend that to others (everyone).
n64coder
Member
Cut down the frequency by 75% and then you can say she's your wife!
I feel like it's pretty normal to just share a bed with a girl you're dating without having sex. I did this a bit with my first girlfriend when we were both virgins. We would just sleep together with some making out thrown in. I wouldn't worry about it too much Chewie.
All this talk of not dating 3 years younger reminds me of being in university. 3rd years saying shit like: "We can't go there, that's a first year club!" "I can't stand all these freshman students". Come on they're like 2 years younger than you. It's not like they're a different species. The worst was when I went to grad school and some of the students in my program flat out refused to go to any bar where undergrads might be drinking. Some of these guys were fresh out of their undergrad too, barely a couple of months. But no, can't socialize with anyone without a degree, sorry.
I manage to find plenty of things to talk about with younger girls. Can't say I've noticed much difference in conversation in the age range I'm dating in 18-30. Some of the older girls are a bit worried about settling down and stuff and often talk about their woes in the dating world, but I'm upfront about not wanting a relationship so there's no confusion.
All this talk of not dating 3 years younger reminds me of being in university. 3rd years saying shit like: "We can't go there, that's a first year club!" "I can't stand all these freshman students". Come on they're like 2 years younger than you. It's not like they're a different species. The worst was when I went to grad school and some of the students in my program flat out refused to go to any bar where undergrads might be drinking. Some of these guys were fresh out of their undergrad too, barely a couple of months. But no, can't socialize with anyone without a degree, sorry.
I manage to find plenty of things to talk about with younger girls. Can't say I've noticed much difference in conversation in the age range I'm dating in 18-30. Some of the older girls are a bit worried about settling down and stuff and often talk about their woes in the dating world, but I'm upfront about not wanting a relationship so there's no confusion.
It's perfectly fine to just fool around and cuddle without having sex. Just enjoy yourself.
So I got out of school early and went to the mall, was going to talk to that second girl but didn't instead I talked to this girl at a kiosk and we had a conversation about cellphones, she has a husband .
We had a good conversation that probably would of ended with me asking for her number but I asked if that guy was her husband because theres usually another guy at the kiosk with her.
So a good talk and it felt natural, improvement
~~
I waited until she was alone and opportunity appeared
We had a good conversation that probably would of ended with me asking for her number but I asked if that guy was her husband because theres usually another guy at the kiosk with her.
So a good talk and it felt natural, improvement
~~
I waited until she was alone and opportunity appeared
User 479360
Banned
I didn't mean to confuse anyone, and honestly didn't know how to word it best.
As I said, and you all know, I'm a rookie. I was just curious as to how normal it is for things like this to happen. It seems like people tend to have sex the first time they're in bed together, but I've always wondered how it would go if I slept over at someone I've been dating's house and we slept together without sex if they or I weren't ready.
It's just something that's come and gone from my mind over the last few months.
Raven117
Member
Nah man. Its fine. Now, if it is continuously happening and there is ZERO physical activity (not talking sex here)...well, that's a bit different.
Focus less on what's normal, and more on what you want to do (or don't want to do). Eatin' booty might not be normal, but that won't stop some people from getting some barbecue sauce and turning that booty into a buffet.
Embrace honesty. If a girl doesn't gel with your "abnormalities", there's nothing wrong in that. It's better than staying together because you're lying to yourself and her about something.
User 479360
Banned
I honestly don't know what's going on. I'm curious, worried and confused. But perhaps she's just been busy, or hasn't been feeling well.
We went out Monday night, I think it was, and things went really well. She wanted to treat, held my hand practically as soon as she could at the movies, asked to kiss me, etc.
I texted her the next day, and asked her how class was going in the afternoon. She sent a reply.
I didn't hear from her the next day, either. But today, I sent her a message on POF (figured it'd maybe be best because maybe it wouldn't wake her up early in the morning), and it said she was online. I asked her when I could see her again.
Nothing.
We went out Monday night, I think it was, and things went really well. She wanted to treat, held my hand practically as soon as she could at the movies, asked to kiss me, etc.
I texted her the next day, and asked her how class was going in the afternoon. She sent a reply.
I didn't hear from her the next day, either. But today, I sent her a message on POF (figured it'd maybe be best because maybe it wouldn't wake her up early in the morning), and it said she was online. I asked her when I could see her again.
Nothing.
Gotdatmoney
Member
You should like ease back man. You are just dating. If you don't hear from the person for a day or two that isn't a big deal. In the future stick to one form of communication. If you have her number dont contact her on POF or w/e else. It just seems to eager. Just chill for a bit man. Like 1 day and a bit of no contact is 100% not an issue.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
It's good that you're talking to people, but why do they have to be girls and why is your goal to get their number? We're telling you to talk to just people and be comfortable around them. Don't run before you can walk.
Miles Quaritch
Member
It's time to take a step back and re-evaluate your behaviour. You'll soon be reaching clingy status and that'll kill the whole thing dead.
Just give her some time, don't suffocate her. You've sent the message, chill out. If she gets back to you, she gets back to you. You're exhibiting classics symptoms of someone who is overly invested because they haven't been seeing or at least talking to other people.
Fix this. Message other people on PoF, try to arrange dates or just casual meet ups if you can. You shouldn't be this invested in one person at such an early stage of the 'relationship'.
chicko1983
Member
Stop and take deep breath!
If your text or message isn't getting a response, you need to leave it there for a while.
I don't like saying this, but from what I can read she is no longer keen on you. Were those two messages (one text and one on POF) the only ones you sent, or were there others you haven't told us about? I don't want to sound like a dickhead, but she is probably getting mixed messages (in person you are very shy but then want to constantly communicate via text or email) from you and so is moving on.
You have been on a date and kissed her goodnight. The next time you make contact with her, ring her and speak to her! This doesn't have to be the next day, but don't send a text asking how her classes are. Ring her, tell her you had a good time and want to catch up again. It's ten times harder for a women to reject you over the phone than by just ignoring text messages. Plus it show you are keen.
I love communicating via words rather than by my own voice too. its why I like neogaf. However, the vast majority of women prefer talking to someone over messaging.
Edit: if you want some direction on your next move, I think you should start looking around for someone else. Not only will it take your mind off her, you may find someone else who is interested. And then you can take what you have learnt from this to have success with someone else.
I wish I knew this last weekend before texting a girl I just got her number a couple days before, but if a girl was legitimately interested she would have texted back regardless.
Man getting back into dating after a long term relationship is rough. I don't lack confidence, if anything my ego is too big even though I'm initially shy, but I haven't been getting anywhere lately.
That's true but man, I thought I was mature at 18, and I look back to think only to realize I wasn't. Heck I look back and think how dumb I was sometimes.
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