Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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Lionheart1827 said:
Hey guys, I was debating whether I should post here but here goes.

I've been dating my current girl for about 9 months now. Shes been on the pill since December or January. Yesterday she said she wants to go off the pill because its making her feel depressed and anxious, lots of mood swings, trouble sleeping, etc. She's had a cyst in her breast for a few years now that is benign, but apparently it hurts when shes on hormones. I've suggested maybe try the shot or patch and she said that she doesnt want to do anymore hormones. I then suggested maybe the non-hormonal IUD and she doesnt want to go through with it because the procedure looks painful and uncomfortable.

Is there any other birth control methods short of condoms or a vasectomy that I'm forgetting about? I'm actually quite paranoid with condoms-only and my last two relationships I never really worried about them. With the pill I would always pull out since I didnt want to take the risk, but with condoms, pulling out just seems kind of silly, not to mention I have such a hard time finishing and keeping it up with a condom in the first place. Am I crazy for being so paranoid?
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And that's the real heart of his problem, folks. Man up and get used to condoms, they are so much healthier than birth control it's not even funny.
 
gaiages said:
I'm a little confused. So you did or did not go to the frat party? Did your SO cancel the original plans, or some other plans?
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it was the original plan of going out to the party. I was prepared to go, angry or not. everybody was getting ready to go and she wasn't so I asked her what's going on and that's when she said she told them we weren't going anymore.

ZackieChan said:
No offense, @daria, but it looks like this is your fault. They showed up, you made no effort to go out with them and you acted quiet and pissy. Now you're wondering why they're ignoring you and you're blowing up at your gf. Why on earth would they want to like you or think you're a good bf for their friend? Try to see it from their perspective.

And come on - spending one night at a frat party is not a big deal. Get over yourself.
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the thing is that I did make an effort whether I was pissy about it or not. I wanted to hangout with everybody. The plans getting cancelled last minute is what bothered me the most.

I guess I just have to suck it up and try to be nicer. maybe have my SO talk to her friend about it, see what her thoughts are.
 
Daria said:
it was the original plan of going out to the party. I was prepared to go, angry or not. everybody was getting ready to go and she wasn't so I asked her what's going on and that's when she said she told them we weren't going anymore.



the thing is that I did make an effort whether I was pissy about it or not. I wanted to hangout with everybody. The plans getting cancelled last minute is what bothered me the most.

I guess I just have to suck it up and try to be nicer. maybe have my SO talk to her friend about it, see what her thoughts are.
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Most people are going to try and avoid doing something with someone if that person made it clear they don't want to do it, are being pissy, and will probably just ruin it anyway. It's no fun being at a party with a SO sulking in the corner.

Would you take her somewhere she clearly didn't want to go even if she said she'd tolerate it?
 
turtle553 said:
Most people are going to try and avoid doing something with someone if that person made it clear they don't want to do it, are being pissy, and will probably just ruin it anyway. It's no fun being at a party with a SO sulking in the corner.

Would you take her somewhere she clearly didn't want to go even if she said she'd tolerate it?
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valid point. I'm learning that I don't really handle certain situations the best and I tend to overreact to whatever the issue is. I'd hate to be in a relationship with myself tbh and thinking that way makes me want to change but it's hard trying to figure out a way to do that
 
Cronen said:
How long do you guys message someone online before asking out on a date? Been messaging this girl on OKC since the beginning of this week and it has been going well so far. Usually about a message or so a day. She's attractive, rather chatty and lots of shared interests. Someone I would like to get to know even better.
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Just ask her out.
 
DutchNeon said:
After about 3 weeks of slowly progressing in sex we finally did it. Hurray! We both expected more of it on the feeling side or maybe that we still didn't do it correctly but heh. Maybe too much lube? We both had tingling genitals afterwards for a few hours. Guessing that's normal? We did it without condoms as she is taking the pill and we both were virgins, never had STDs.

On a side not, she liked oral but I couldn't stand it for some reason and gagged. We used strawberry lube. Maybe too much too? So far it has been a great experience with my SO! Both really open to new things. Even our personal fetishes.
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Just curious why you used lube? If it's just because it's a thing that you're both into then that's fine but you don't need to be using it just because you think that it's something that people do.
Unless she suffers from vaginal dryness of some sort she should be good to go with just the lube generated by her body.

We're both fairly vanilla sexually and we've never used lube because there's never been a reason to.
 
Daria said:
I guess I just have to suck it up and try to be nicer. maybe have my SO talk to her friend about it, see what her thoughts are.
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At this point you've got your feelings on the matter, your girlfriend's feelings on the matter, and her friend's feelings on the matter, none of which align. Honestly, be the bigger person, get the 3 of you to sit down and hash it out. Be adults.

Wormdundee said:
Just curious why you used lube? If it's just because it's a thing that you're both into then that's fine but you don't need to be using it just because you think that it's something that people do.
Unless she suffers from vaginal dryness of some sort she should be good to go with just the lube generated by her body.

We're both fairly vanilla sexually and we've never used lube because there's never been a reason to.
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I've been with girls who didn't need it (it made things too slippery), and some who can benefit - and hey, sometimes it's just about the fit!
 
turtle553 said:
Most people are going to try and avoid doing something with someone if that person made it clear they don't want to do it, are being pissy, and will probably just ruin it anyway. It's no fun being at a party with a SO sulking in the corner.

Would you take her somewhere she clearly didn't want to go even if she said she'd tolerate it?
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This is why. I've cancelled stuff before too because of that. Why would I want to go do something with someone who's been pissy about it for the last hour or two? That sounds absolutely miserable.
 
radioactivez0r said:
I've been with girls who didn't need it (it made things too slippery), and some who can benefit - and hey, sometimes it's just about the fit!
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My fiancee and I use it most of the time because without it, she hurts. She says I get too big for her, which is a personal confidence boost I guess, but seeing her face from the pain without the lube isn't worth it.

I've only ever had sex using condoms. I kinda want to try without any, but I'm scared tbqh.
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Never used a condom. I only have had two sexual partners though.

I did suggest it once to my now fiancee, but she didn't want a fake feeling from having sex. I wanted to see if it could boost sensuality from what I hear.
 
Here is my first contribution to this thread.

I am getting married next month, and pretty excited to start my life with my partner. She's great, and we are really a perfect match for each other. I can be myself around here, and she can as well, etc etc. I love her.

We are sexually active but not going overboard because we are not married yet. We probably have had sex about 10 times in about a two year time span of dating. Before her, I only have had one other sexual partner, and we had sex about 2-3 times. I don't remember exactly how many.

The help that I am seeking is that I am still rather new when it comes to sex. The struggle that I have is being nervous that I will "have excitement early" (not sure how much I can get away from this post, so keeping it PG, lol). When we first started having sex, I got excited early. But, as we have sex more, I can last longer. The point I am at right now is when I "head home", that's when the excitement kicks in. I want to last longer at "home plate", but it's been a challenge. I feel like I am getting better each time we have sex, and she has commented to this, so question for the thread.. is that the case? Just keep having sex and I will last longer? I have read things online about muscle exercises, "just think about baseball", etc but eh, not working as well as I would hope.
 
Wormdundee said:
Just curious why you used lube? If it's just because it's a thing that you're both into then that's fine but you don't need to be using it just because you think that it's something that people do.
Unless she suffers from vaginal dryness of some sort she should be good to go with just the lube generated by her body.

We're both fairly vanilla sexually and we've never used lube because there's never been a reason to.
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I had problems getting into her. We both asked our parents and hers suggested she might be somewhat dry or I couldn't get her wet. So we did some research ourself and found out it might be a solution. I'm pretty sure she is wet after our foreplay but we used it anyways. We also stopped using condoms because we haven't had STDs before and we were both virgins. Think we'll slowly stop using it or at times but it worked a lot easier with it (or at least we think it did).
 
shanafan said:
Here is my first contribution to this thread.

I am getting married next month, and pretty excited to start my life with my partner. She's great, and we are really a perfect match for each other. I can be myself around here, and she can as well, etc etc. I love her.

We are sexually active but not going overboard because we are not married yet. We probably have had sex about 10 times in about a two year time span of dating. Before her, I only have had one other sexual partner, and we had sex about 2-3 times. I don't remember exactly how many.

The help that I am seeking is that I am still rather new when it comes to sex. The struggle that I have is being nervous that I will "have excitement early" (not sure how much I can get away from this post, so keeping it PG, lol). When we first started having sex, I got excited early. But, as we have sex more, I can last longer. The point I am at right now is when I "head home", that's when the excitement kicks in. I want to last longer at "home plate", but it's been a challenge. I feel like I am getting better each time we have sex, and she has commented to this, so question for the thread.. is that the case? Just keep having sex and I will last longer? I have read things online about muscle exercises, "just think about baseball", etc but eh, not working as well as I would hope.
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Few tips...

Minimize porn usage. Masturbating to porn too frequently has been shown to have negative side effects. Like your penis treats stimulation as a sign it's time to finish, since you tend not to worry about lasting too long.

Practice will help. Your body will become more used to certain sensations, so you won't be driven over the edge as quickly.

Even if you finish, you should still help your girl finish. Fingers, mouth, and toys, learn how to use them! It's something like 70% of women can't finish from penetration alone.

Every guy has a refractory period following a finish before he can go again. You can couple this with the above tip to keep the action going. You finish, turn to other ways to pleasure your lady until your soldier's at attention again, and resume!
 
shanafan said:
Here is my first contribution to this thread.

I am getting married next month, and pretty excited to start my life with my partner. She's great, and we are really a perfect match for each other. I can be myself around here, and she can as well, etc etc. I love her.

We are sexually active but not going overboard because we are not married yet. We probably have had sex about 10 times in about a two year time span of dating. Before her, I only have had one other sexual partner, and we had sex about 2-3 times. I don't remember exactly how many.

The help that I am seeking is that I am still rather new when it comes to sex. The struggle that I have is being nervous that I will "have excitement early" (not sure how much I can get away from this post, so keeping it PG, lol). When we first started having sex, I got excited early. But, as we have sex more, I can last longer. The point I am at right now is when I "head home", that's when the excitement kicks in. I want to last longer at "home plate", but it's been a challenge. I feel like I am getting better each time we have sex, and she has commented to this, so question for the thread.. is that the case? Just keep having sex and I will last longer? I have read things online about muscle exercises, "just think about baseball", etc but eh, not working as well as I would hope.
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You can say most anything.
Cumbuckets
Busting nuts
Fuck her into next week
etc.

watch me get banned for this

As to the question at hand... you're worried that you're orgasming too quickly? Honestly, with more sex you'll likely get more of a feel for how... er, it feels, and you'll find ways to make it last longer if you have to. There's also the fact that if you two don't have sex a lot (which you aren't), then there's probably a fair bit of physical excitement on your part that'll make you come faster. Do you masterbate in between these sessions? I'm not saying that you should start, but if you don't that's probably a big part of it, too.

These are more just... observations on my part, though. I can't give much in more intimate advice >.>
 
DutchNeon said:
I had problems getting into her. We both asked our parents and hers suggested she might be somewhat dry or I couldn't get her wet. So we did some research ourself and found out it might be a solution. I'm pretty sure she is wet after our foreplay but we used it anyways. We also stopped using condoms because we haven't had STDs before and we were both virgins. Think we'll slowly stop using it or at times but it worked a lot easier with it (or at least we think it did).
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Holy fucking shit @ bolded.

Also, you know condoms help prevent pregnancy, right? Is there something you're doing for that?

Daria said:
it was the original plan of going out to the party. I was prepared to go, angry or not. everybody was getting ready to go and she wasn't so I asked her what's going on and that's when she said she told them we weren't going anymore.



the thing is that I did make an effort whether I was pissy about it or not. I wanted to hangout with everybody. The plans getting cancelled last minute is what bothered me the most.

I guess I just have to suck it up and try to be nicer. maybe have my SO talk to her friend about it, see what her thoughts are.
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Cry me a river. Sounds like plans just changed to something you didn't want, then you acted like a stoic baby the whole night. I wouldn't want to hang out with you either after that.
 
Daria said:
it was the original plan of going out to the party. I was prepared to go, angry or not.
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Yeah. I get that you already addressed that you understand you don't react the best way but I'm just gonna add one more thing.

From her point of view she's screwed either way. She sticks to the plans. Yall go out. You don't have fun because you're not comfortable. So she puts you first and doesnt go out to this thing she wanted to do and her friends want to do. Then you get upset because she changed plans on you when she was just trying to accommodate you. She could've said she really wants to go and gone without you or dragged you along but she didnt. She decided to not go out and stay with you.

With the friend thing, as somebody else said. Just be nice to her. Go out of your way to be nice. Take interest in what she says, maybe throw her a random compliment like you think her dress looks nice. And don't think you do this one day and it's all better. Give it some time. You don't change somebody's opinion about you with a smile and a nod. Be the bigger person and put in some effort. She has no obligation to like you or try to work things out. Don't let it go and have her talking bad about you to your lady.
 
Another observation and question:

Is it bad I've always treated dating like a process? For example, I feel that if I message someone X amount of times on OKCupid, I should ask her out. Or sometimes I'll ask someone ASAP without really getting to know them in order to potentially learn a bit in person.

TBH, I don't think I've ever felt a connection with any girl I've taken out. It kinda makes me sad. I feel like I'm part robot or something. I'll even go out on a limb and say I can't comprehend how someone finds love.
 
It is a process. You say yourself that you do it differently each time. You just ask when it is appropriate. Don't wait too long.

I think that maybe you're too hung up on getting some geek or gamer girl? Iirc from your other posts that's what you're looking for. Most girls just aren't like that - you need to shed those requirements and enjoy learning about new people and what they're into.
 
So my ex-girlfriend who broke up with me a month ago just put on facebook that she's in a relationship with this guy I know she's been seeing. They put the start date as june 15th, less than a week after she broke up with me. Who does that?

We were together for nearly 4 years and the fact that she already has someone else is making this so difficult to get over.
 
as hard and shitty it sounds to unfriend them and cut ties with them, it really only the truly good way to go about something like that. the last thing you want to see is how well or bad they're doing. you're going to see that and constantly have thoughts about her. you don't need that.
 
I have unfriended her, well she unfriended me a couple weeks ago. One of my friends just let me know when he saw it.

I am trying to move on, it's just tough, I feel like I've had a pretty good week (I'm seeing this girl tomorrow and I've been looking forward to it) but this has kind of thrown me off a bit.
 
DJ Lushious said:
Your friend is a shitty person and you ought to sit down and talk with him about how his actions did not and are not helping you.
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I don't think so, he was just giving me a heads up - I would've found out at some point anyway.

I'm not convinced by this "move on by completely forgetting about her and avoid anything that might remind you that she still exists" thing. Just seems unhealthy to me.
 
Snowman said:
I don't think so, he was just giving me a heads up - I would've found out at some point anyway.
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You're failing to miss the point. Cut off all ties. And let your friends know your stance. She's not a bad person, when it's her life and she has every right to date whomever she wants. It's over with you. Face the music and move on. Way easier said than done, I realize that.
 
Snowman said:
I don't think so, he was just giving me a heads up - I would've found out at some point anyway.

I'm not convinced by this "move on by completely forgetting about her and avoid anything that might remind you that she still exists" thing. Just seems unhealthy to me.
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His is it unhealthy? There's a person who wants nothing to do with you and you keep following then around even though they want to be away from you. What part of that is healthy?

And yes your friend is shitty.
 
Snowman said:
So my ex-girlfriend who broke up with me a month ago just put on facebook that she's in a relationship with this guy I know she's been seeing. They put the start date as june 15th, less than a week after she broke up with me. Who does that?

We were together for nearly 4 years and the fact that she already has someone else is making this so difficult to get over.
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Ex did this to me. Female friends told me girls usually have a back up dude.
So like when you leave them they have a uy to fall back on so they're not alone.
Not saying she doesn't like the dude. But a gap of a week... definately a back up dude.

Don't worry about it, you'll find another
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
His is it unhealthy? There's a person who wants nothing to do with you and you keep following then around even though they want to be away from you. What part of that is healthy?

And yes your friend is shitty.
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I'm not saying follow them around and keep talking to them.

I'm talking about the "cut ALL ties, get rid of anything and don't do anything that might make you think about them" stuff. We live in a small town, I'm going to bump into her sometimes and if I wanted to completely avoid all chances of being reminded of her I'd never be able to leave my house.

To me it's better to confront the fact that we're over, and that she still exists and is seeing another guy now, than to pretend to myself that it's not happening. If that means I'm sad for a bit right now while I process it all, that's fine. I think that's the healthier way.

I'm already feeling a bit better than I was this morning anyway!
 
Snowman said:
So my ex-girlfriend who broke up with me a month ago just put on facebook that she's in a relationship with this guy I know she's been seeing. They put the start date as june 15th, less than a week after she broke up with me. Who does that?

We were together for nearly 4 years and the fact that she already has someone else is making this so difficult to get over.
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The perspective will come. It's so easy to get caught up in it (not saying it's right, saying it happens). All the advice you're getting here isn't just theoretical. I can pretty much guarantee we've been there.
 
ZackieChan said:
Ahh, must have missed that.

But talking to your parents (and gf's parents) about how you can't get your penis into your girlfriend's vagina or it isn't getting wet enough for sex? I can't even...
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Yeah, that was just... um... surprising. Lol.

Afrocious said:
Another observation and question:

Is it bad I've always treated dating like a process? For example, I feel that if I message someone X amount of times on OKCupid, I should ask her out. Or sometimes I'll ask someone ASAP without really getting to know them in order to potentially learn a bit in person.

TBH, I don't think I've ever felt a connection with any girl I've taken out. It kinda makes me sad. I feel like I'm part robot or something. I'll even go out on a limb and say I can't comprehend how someone finds love.
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It is a process, for sure.

Also, like ZackieChan said, make sure to open your horizons, if you haven't already. The perfect girl doesn't need your interests to line up exactly with yours ;D Sometimes it can be really fun to delve into an SO's hobbies too, and be a nice bonding time :3

Jindrax said:
Ex did this to me. Female friends told me girls usually have a back up dude.
So like when you leave them they have a uy to fall back on so they're not alone.
Not saying she doesn't like the dude. But a gap of a week... definately a back up dude.

Don't worry about it, you'll find another
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Ew.

Your female friends are shitty people.

Even if that was true in that case, that's a terrible way for someone to act, and for someone to think other people act.
 
gaiages said:
Yeah, that was just... um... surprising. Lol.



It is a process, for sure.

Also, like ZackieChan said, make sure to open your horizons, if you haven't already. The perfect girl doesn't need your interests to line up exactly with yours ;D Sometimes it can be really fun to delve into an SO's hobbies too, and be a nice bonding time :3



Ew.

Your female friends are shitty people.

Even if that was true in that case, that's a terrible way for someone to act, and for someone to think other people act.
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Happens quiete a lot dude. Stared noticing it after paying a little attention.
Like most girls who break up with a dude already have at least an idea of a guy they could get together with before they go through with the break up.

In my case I did the breaking up, but when I did she got together with this dude she had around for years. I'm guessing a friendzoned dude and when I left her rather than being alone and deaing with her shit she took him in instead.

Kinda sad actually. Heard from her cousin a couple of months after, he treats her like garbage but yeah. Deal with your choices I guess.
 
Alright. Guys I have a friend from school and she doesn't seem to know how to pick a guy. I mean, she keeps complaining about them to me and the all I can say is leave them. But she keeps saying that she still have feelings for them. this girl is kinda sheltered btw. (not sure if that's the right word but that'll do) Anyway, she tells about how much her boyfriend cheats on her and yet she cheats on him. Which means they're both toxic towards each other. not only that he told her virginity. Now she's with this other guy and I'm not so sure about him either.

So should I let her be or something? Because I don't want to her in bad situations.
 
Gooch: The Destroyer said:
Alright. Guys I have a friend from school and she doesn't seem to know how to pick a guy. I mean, she keeps complaining about them to me and the all I can say is leave them. But she keeps saying that she still have feelings for them. this girl is kinda sheltered btw. (not sure if that's the right word but that'll do) Anyway, she tells about how much her boyfriend cheats on her and yet she cheats on him. Which means they're both toxic towards each other. not only that he told her virginity. Now she's with this other guy and I'm not so sure about him either.

So should I let her be or something? Because I don't want to her in bad situations.
Click to expand...

Do you want this girl?
 
Gooch: The Destroyer said:
Alright. Guys I have a friend from school and she doesn't seem to know how to pick a guy. I mean, she keeps complaining about them to me and the all I can say is leave them. But she keeps saying that she still have feelings for them. this girl is kinda sheltered btw. (not sure if that's the right word but that'll do) Anyway, she tells about how much her boyfriend cheats on her and yet she cheats on him. Which means they're both toxic towards each other. not only that he told her virginity. Now she's with this other guy and I'm not so sure about him either.

So should I let her be or something? Because I don't want to her in bad situations.
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She's a cheater, she can clean up her own mess.
 
Gooch: The Destroyer said:
Admittingly, yes.
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Ok, my advice to you, which GAF won't agree on ofc, is to get out of the friendzone you're in right now.

How do you do this?
This will be hard, and will take a decent amount of courage.
You gotta stop being her friend and make it clear what you want dude. Really, painfully clear.
You tell her you're not interested in hearing about all her dude problems and that you want her. That you're interested in taking her on a date and that you think you'd be good together.

Don't hesitate when talking about this. Be strong.

That's if you really want her ofc.
She's never going to decide one day that she's going to go out with you randomly.
Right now she doesn't see you in that light. You gotta show her dude.
 
Well I went out with a girl a couple of times. She told me today I'm really cool but she wasn't feeling it. Another one bites the dust. Now what? I suck at meeting new people lol.
 
Jindrax said:
Ok, my advice to you, which GAF won't agree on ofc, is to get out of the friendzone you're in right now.

How do you do this?
This will be hard, and will take a decent amount of courage.
You gotta stop being her friend and make it clear what you want dude. Really, painfully clear.
You tell her you're not interested in hearing about all her dude problems and that you want her. That you're interested in taking her on a date and that you think you'd be good together.

Don't hesitate when talking about this. Be strong.

That's if you really want her ofc.
She's never going to decide one day that she's going to go out with you randomly.
Right now she doesn't see you in that light. You gotta show her dude.
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Shouldn't be too hard. I guess.
 
When you say she is with this other guy, do you mean a relationship?

If yes, let her be. Don't get involved in people's relationship unless someone is asking you for advice/opinion.

And stop being the person she complains about her relationship/problems too.
 
Astral said:
Well I went out with a girl a couple of times. She told me today I'm really cool but she wasn't feeling it. Another one bites the dust. Now what? I suck at meeting new people lol.
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Talking out of personal experience, the ones you find when not looking are the best ones :)

Gooch: The Destroyer said:
Shouldn't be too hard. I guess.
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Keeping it up is what's hard. That means when she comes to you afterward talking about her guy troubles you tell her you're not one of her girlfriends and thats not the relationship you want.
 
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