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[MechaX]

So GAF, I'm in a little... interesting situation that I actually may need some input on.

So basically, I have been seeing this girl for about four years or so. Nice girl, but she's essentially the definition of a welfare queen. She never really wanted something serious from the beginning, but at times would get mad over how "distant" I was. When it first started, I was in law school and actually told her that I wanted something serious, but that dropped to the wayside eventually. But over the past several years, it was more of a casual kind of relationship and I would take her out for dinners and what not on occasion. She eventually said I should take her out more because she's my "sorta-girlfriend." With the place I'm at right now, I was more focused with my work and career and whatnot, so a casual relationship worked better for the most part.

Fast forward to a few months ago; she starts getting... really, really shady. She declines dinner, and whenever she would ask me to come to her house, she would be like "don't park in the front of my apartment. Park in the back and I will let you in." When confronted with why, she would just be like "because neighbors are nosy, don't worry about it!" She was normally open about her daily activities because she doesn't do shit, but all of a sudden, she's being super secretive and super defensive. But whatever, casual relationship and what-not (even if she claimed that the only person she was seeing was me).

Then about two days ago, I see a post on facebook from her and she's claiming that she's pregnant. I'm not too worried about this because for one, I haven't heard from her for a week (where she called randomly and was like "oh, you missed my call; I was just seeing if you wanted to go out to eat, but don't worry about it), and for two, I never did anything unprotected with her + timeline would not match up at all + nothing was ever defective. And I'm also starting to notice that some dude has been posting a lot of lovey-dovey shit on her page for the past few weeks. It would include stuff about sex or stuff about them "being a team." And in her post, she says "we're having a baby!" I was a bit of an asshole and texted her "congrats!" the next morning, and then suddenly she took down all of her posts relating to this. I have not spoke to her since.

I had my suspicions, but at this point I am thinking that I was strictly the "side dude" and she definitely had a relationship on the side. So basically GAF, should I just bail the hell out at this point?

 

[Llyranor]

So GAF, I'm in a little... interesting situation that I actually may need some input on.

So basically, I have been seeing this girl for about four years or so. Nice girl, but she's essentially the definition of a welfare queen. She never really wanted something serious from the beginning, but at times would get mad over how "distant" I was. When it first started, I was in law school and actually told her that I wanted something serious, but that dropped to the wayside eventually. But over the past several years, it was more of a casual kind of relationship and I would take her out for dinners and what not on occasion. She eventually said I should take her out more because she's my "sorta-girlfriend." With the place I'm at right now, I was more focused with my work and career and whatnot, so a casual relationship worked better for the most part.

Fast forward to a few months ago; she starts getting... really, really shady. She declines dinner, and whenever she would ask me to come to her house, she would be like "don't park in the front of my apartment. Park in the back and I will let you in." When confronted with why, she would just be like "because neighbors are noisy, don't worry about it!" She was normally open about her daily activities because she doesn't do shit, but all of a sudden, she's being super secretive and super defensive. But whatever, casual relationship and what-not (even if she claimed that the only person she was seeing was me).

Then about two days ago, I see a post on facebook from her and she's claiming that she's pregnant. I'm not too worried about this because for one, I haven't heard from her for a week (where she called randomly and was like "oh, you missed my call; I was just seeing if you wanted to go out to eat, but don't worry about it), and for two, I never did anything unprotected with her + timeline would not match up at all + nothing was ever defective. And I'm also starting to notice that some dude has been posting a lot of lovey-dovey shit on her page for the past few weeks. It would include stuff about sex or stuff about them "being a team." And in her post, she says "we're having a baby!" I was a bit of an asshole and texted her "congrats!" the next morning, and then suddenly she took down all of her posts relating to this. I have not spoke to her since.

I had my suspicions, but at this point I am thinking that I was strictly the "side dude" and she definitely had a relationship on the side. So basically GAF, should I just bail the hell out at this point?

Pretend some other GAFer wrote this post and re-read it.

The answer is yes. Unless you're fine being the casual side dude.

 

[MechaX]

Pretend some other GAFer wrote this post and re-read it.

The answer is yes. Unless you're fine being the casual side dude.

I know it sounds so silly because the answer should be so obvious. I was actually kind of laughing in a "lol oh wow" kind of way when I found out about it, but it still adds a different perspective actually being in a situation like this. It sucks because... well, I have been seeing this girl for four years and did kinda like her, but I dunno about exposing myself to the risks of a side dude role.

 

[Lionheart1827]

I know it sounds so silly because the answer should be so obvious. I was actually kind of laughing in a "lol oh wow" kind of way when I found out about it, but it still adds a different perspective actually being in a situation like this. It sucks because... well, I have been seeing this girl for four years and did kinda like her, but I dunno about exposing myself to the risks of a side dude role.

Yeah just forget about it. Also, get tested just in case, even if you were using protection, you never know.

 

[PflargBlarg]

So GAF, I'm in a little... interesting situation that I actually may need some input on.
....
been seeing this girl for about four years or so
....
the definition of a welfare queen
....
never really wanted something serious from the beginning
....

None of these things make sense! Like has been said, you look at this from an outside perspective and this is insane.

I think you know what to do.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

None of these things make sense! Like has been said, you look at this from an outside perspective and this is insane.

I think you know what to do.

It makes sense if you realize he was just casually dating her while really focusing on law school, then shifted into the workforce, where he's probably working himself ragged.

But yeah MechaX: time to find a girl who isn't a terrible human being.

 

[stn]

After a week long of consistent messaging and calling, morning, day and night...


What happens when all a sudden the amount of text messages, snap chats (clean ones mind you) drastically drop, and you don't hear anything from her for good10-20 hours until you decide to message her.

And when you ask her "Do you want to chat later tonight?"

She replies:


"Sure, gimme a call later if you want."

What now bros?

My advice? Text less. She stopped texting because everyone needs a break from "constant texting for a week". I would tread carefully here, I don't remember the last time I've heard good stories about dating where the two people constantly talked early on in the game.

 

[Jokab]

Spoilering because it's a little nsfw (erectal dysfunction problems):

Spoiler

Had the Tinder girl over today and we started making out after a movie, eventually leading to the bed. Naturally, I couldn't get it up properly, no matter how both she and I tried. We settled with making out and cuddling, until eventually I got something going, but I lost it again after about two minutes of going at it.

Backstory: I'm a virgin, and without going into age too much, I'm pretty damn late. I've watched porn and masturbated pretty much every day for many many years, which obviously leads to this. I'm cutting all that out now, and I should have a long time ago.

I definitely find her attractive, so that's not the reason. I'm also really turned on, so that's not it either. I assume it's a combination of me being nervous and being too used to porn, which sucks. Luckily she was very understanding and I assured her that it's not her fault.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you deal with it?

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

My advice? Text less. She stopped texting because everyone needs a break from "constant texting for a week". I would tread carefully here, I don't remember the last time I've heard good stories about dating where the two people constantly talked early on in the game.

Thanks, I think where I went wrong big time was when I asked her to add me to Google chat. She was working at reception at a company where they didn't even need a receptionist, (basically she was free all day in front of a computer online.)

This gave her like 8 hours instant messaging access to me (literally "IM")

And this was all (most of) last week , Hollie shit I just took a gander, and we've been casually chatting on Gchat since Tuesday morning, until Friday afternoon. Of course I am at work and couldn't talk much but still that's 32 hours of access to me to talk. I think this did make her get exhausted. It was a terrible idea for me to add her to Google chat, this week I am cutting her off...

Yeah, my car was close by and we drove from spot to spot. Basically, I brought two backpacks with me. One I always left in the car that contained literally all the clothes and stuff I would need to do everything from swim in the ocean to go out to dinner and I left in the car and the other had a thermos full of water, some trail mix, and a small towel.

When we stopped to hike I changed out of jeans and later when it got cooler I grabbed a light sweater and gave her one too which she loved. When we went hiking I just grabbed the small backpack with the water and snacks and we would just go. She told me a couple times how impressed she was with how prepared I was lol. We didn't even need 80+% of what I brought but the entire date was very improvisational / spontaneous so it was good that being well prepared allowed for that.

Good luck man!

Thanks man, that's some good advice, you got your hiking game down pat. I wish I had a car in the city I was now though, cars make things so much easier in these situations. Will see if I could borrow a mate's wheels.

 

[Gray Matter]

What's a reasonable amount of time to be wating for a reply?

I don't mean to sound desperate or anything, but the whole day without one seems discouraging.

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

What's a reasonable amount of time to be wating for a reply?

I don't mean to sound desperate or anything, but the whole day without one seems discouraging.

You should take things in consideration first like, is she working today? Is she busy enough not to reach for her phone at work? Is there realistic factors involved that prevents her from checking her phone for messages? ie: her phone's battery is shit and drains all the time, she forgets her phone at home all the time etc.

If none of the above applies, I am afraid she is actively avoiding to respond, this is 2015 after all and people are glued to their smartphones.

You don't sound desperate at all, It sucks to anticipate for a reply to hours on end. I say don't get discourage, just take a step back give her time, then send another random text, within a day, and do it at a time of day you'd think she'll be least busy with her life.

 

[Gray Matter]

You should take things in consideration first like, is she working today? Is she busy enough not to reach for her phone at work? Is there realistic factors involved that prevents her from checking her phone for messages? ie: her phone's battery is shit and drains all the time, she forgets her phone at home all the time etc.

If none of the above applies, I am afraid she is actively avoiding to respond, this is 2015 after all and people are glued to their smartphones.

You don't sound desperate at all, It sucks to anticipate for a reply to hours on end. I say don't get discourage, just take a step back give her time, then send another random text, within a day, and do it at a time of day you'd think she'll be least busy with her life.

When I asked for her number she was hesitant to give it to me, she mentioned that she has 2 jobs, what I took from that was that she doesn't have time to date, but she did say "text me" right before I left. However, it probably means that's she's working today.

I did meet her at one of her jobs, and everytime (all but 3 times) I've been there she's always moving around, now that I think about it, I got lucky that I had the small window to even ask her the question.

I'm probably just overthinking things (like usual), but this time it feels different since we have already met and broken that first meeting barrier.

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

Alright Dating expert GAF:

Need you quick for this one please;

Maybe it'll help if you guys read my last 5-6 posts in this and on the previous page.

So basically I only went on two dates with her in person with her, but we've been chatting it up A LOT (more than I should've) online and text for over a month.

A friend bailed on me for a weekend trip to Seattle to watch Mariners and Blue Jays, also going to the Block Party music fest, basically I have a two day weekend get away to Seattle this upcoming weekend, She likes baseball, she loves the same music I do, she even knows more of the bands in this festival. So I said fuck it, do you wanna come with me, you don;t have to worry about much for expenses, I already got the tickets to these events?

She was all like "that's too nice of you, I cannot accept it" .. then that switched to "Are you sure you want to take someone you don't know that well?" I kind of pretended to be offended by that one..

This weekend get away does include Air BnB and sharing a bed, Important that I mention this..


Anyhoo she said these things before the second date, SEE SECOND DATE HERE. (things got a little passionate)

So this weekend she really has been giving me the cold shoulder, just crumbs in terms of communication, distant behavior, doesn't care to talk to me etc.

I have a bad feeling she is going to bail out on me on this trip.

My plan is (once I get a hold of her on the phone) to have an awkward and cringy conversation about "there is no 'expectations' this weekend" I don''t want you to feel uncomfortable, I want us to both go to Seattle and have fun, go here and there, and yeah don't think that I expect anything, and it would probably be better if we get a place with a second bed (couch) etc."

No matter how I word it, sounds weird and creepy, but I need to tell her, If she's not really into me yet or if she didn't like me being TOO "passionate" on the second date, than I will back off and it's all about going to the concert the baseball game, dancing etc. enjoying the weekend. I am not gonna expect sex, if she isn't ready for it etc.

My gut feeling tells me I need to tell her this way ahead of time to clear the air, and I actually don;t even care if we don;t do it that weekend, truth is we only met in person twice, despite hours of chatting online .. there's still a slight physical awkwardness.. this woman is amazing and spending the weekend with her exploring a city we haven't been in, is more than enough, I don;t need to get in the sack with her at night, unless otherwise she is into it.

So what say you GAF, should I have this conversation with her? wording it delicately , "Hey it's kinda true, we haven't known each other for too long, and we are spending a weekend together.. I want both of us to have fun on this trip, I don't want you to feel at all uncomfortable etc.. no need for unnecessary tension, awkwardness etc."


Would this make me sound even creepier though? Thoughts please quick, before I talk to her tonight.

 

[NateDrake]

So she rejected the idea initially, right? If so, I'd offer it to her one more time in a "You sure you don't want to attend the concert/baseball game?" type of way. If she declines again, it gives you some flexibility to still continue the conversation with a different topic. I wouldn't push it on her & if she declines then just be accepting of it.

 

[eyeball_kid]

She was all like "that's too nice of you, I cannot accept it" .. then that switched to "Are you sure you want to take someone you don't know that well?" I kind of pretended to be offended by that one..

This weekend get away does include Air BnB and sharing a bed, Important that I mention this..

Anyhoo she said these things before the second date, SEE SECOND DATE HERE. (things got a little passionate)

So this weekend she really has been giving me the cold shoulder, just crumbs in terms of communication, distant behavior, doesn't care to talk to me etc.

I have a bad feeling she is going to bail out on me on this trip.

So you ramped up the intimacy on date 2, and for date 3 you want to take her on a weekend trip where you'll basically be sleeping together? That's a big step. My guess would be, based on her being distant all weekend, that you're pushing things too fast and she's getting uncomfortable. I think the best thing to do would be to find another friend or just go by yourself, but make plans for another date with her. Something that's more in your comfort zone so that you can focus on having a good time with her.

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

So she rejected the idea initially, right? If so, I'd offer it to her one more time in a "You sure you don't want to attend the concert/baseball game?" type of way. If she declines again, it gives you some flexibility to still continue the conversation with a different topic. I wouldn't push it on her & if she declines then just be accepting of it.

No she is actually accepted the offer, so far her answer is "yes" but between now and next weekend, I have a bad feeling she is gonan have a change of heart, there are also other factors in play here, she is looking for work, she is stressed about job search. that's kind of like her priority now, I donno, I have a good sense about these things... I can see it now...'Sorry Johnny, I think I am gonna pass on the Seattle weekend next weekend, it's too much for me right now, I need to comfort my bff/roomate this weekend, her bf left her ... I got a job offer on the weekend is my interview or.. blah blah this blah blah that."

The point is, I don't want to fuck anything up, I sense she's having cold feet. Which I do not blame her, she doesn't know me well enough to feel comfortable with me I don't think. She could simply be not ready to get in the sack with me, and that could be the entire reason to bail.. I feel like I need to assure her sex on that weekend is by NO means something I am expecting, nor will or should the lack of it change anything for me.

like the key to that is in her hands, if she thinks we should skip it, I'll grab the couch and she can grab the bed for the two nights at the Air BnB.

So you ramped up the intimacy on date 2, and for date 3 you want to take her on a weekend trip where you'll basically be sleeping together? That's a big step. My guess would be, based on her being distant all weekend, that you're pushing things too fast and she's getting uncomfortable. I think the best thing to do would be to find another friend or just go by yourself, but make plans for another date with her. Something that's more in your comfort zone so that you can focus on having a good time with her.

I see what you're saying, but it is too much hassle for me to do this, plus, for all I know she is very excited about the weekend, and in fact she will be heartbroken if I well.. kick her out of my weekend get away plans after inviting her to them. So it is not constructive on my part to make rash decision right now, All I can assure her is her fun and safety next weekend, and I'd like to put this out there sooner than later, so she can decide right now if she really wants to go (commit) or bail... I don't want her to flake out on me last minute because she isn't sure if going on a third date with me to Seattle is a good idea, and thus also ruin my weekend plans (I have pair of tickets to three events, each pair averaging 130 bucks)

EDIT: Well, she did everything she humanly can to avoid talking to me on the phone today... Welp! Ugh.. so much for the picnic, the way this is going, so much for Seattle as well... gonna have to call my ol' buddy to sub in for her.

Maaan, so bummed, hate dating!

 

[n64coder]

Spoilering because it's a little nsfw (erectal dysfunction problems):

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you deal with it?

The standard advice is to cut out the porn and masturbation. Have you tried that? Knock it off for a week or more and then try again. Good luck!

 

[n64coder]

EDIT: Well, she did everything she humanly can to avoid talking to me on the phone today... Welp! Ugh.. so much for the picnic, the way this is going, so much for Seattle as well... gonna have to call my ol' buddy to sub in for her.

Maaan, so bummed, hate dating!

That sucks but I get the sense that things are moving too quickly which is why she's turning cold. Find another friend or sell the tickets. I think you'll also have to back off on your contact with her and just wait for her to make the next move. Sorry.

 

[Jindrax]

Got date in 13 minutes... Getting nervous for some reason.
Any tips to calm the jitters?

 

[turtle553]

Got date in 13 minutes... Getting nervous for some reason.
Any tips to calm the jitters?

She's just another person and likely a little nervous also. Relax

 

[GK86]

Take a deep breathe. Don't let any awkward pauses get to you. Most of all, have fun.

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

So you ramped up the intimacy on date 2, and for date 3 you want to take her on a weekend trip where you'll basically be sleeping together? That's a big step. My guess would be, based on her being distant all weekend, that you're pushing things too fast and she's getting uncomfortable. I think the best thing to do would be to find another friend or just go by yourself, but make plans for another date with her. Something that's more in your comfort zone so that you can focus on having a good time with her.

That sucks but I get the sense that things are moving too quickly which is why she's turning cold. Find another friend or sell the tickets. I think you'll also have to back off on your contact with her and just wait for her to make the next move. Sorry.

After talking to my best friend about this last night. He basically mirrored both of your guys' view of the situation. You guys are spot on, now I see where I went wrong. Hope at least she would give me a chance to explain myself and let her know I was being a bit pushy with this Seattle thing. Even if that'll be the end of this connection.

 

[Daria]

Since I saw the earlier post about a similar topic I'll go ahead and try putting my own in here. it's behind a spoiler just incase sex talk offend any of you. I'm a little embarrassed to post about this so be gentle please.

Spoiler

Alright so I don't really know how this is going to sound or if I'll be able to get my point across right.

I feel like a complete lousy lay IMO. I think watching porn from a younger age and still doing it more than I'd care to admit today (even with a gf) has messed up my stimulation levels and makes me get aroused earlier than what I want. Sometimes I get lucky and can last what I would call a "normal amount of time" but most of the time I'm disappointed. in return I get discouraged and kind of dislike myself and just want to stop so I neglect the needs of the female a lot of the time.

is there any advice, even simple things to think about or to do that'll help me? I know I need to cut porn out (it's more of a boredom thing maybe) and masturbating less. should I always try to pleasure them first before anything? do it after I'm done and they still haven't felt what they wanted to? I want them to at least get off before me so it's not just me being selfish all the time.

last but not least, how the hell do you dirty talk during sex? maybe it's because I'm shy and my sex life has always made me nervous that I just try to focus on what I'm doing and stay quiet during it. my girlfriend tells me to talk more, she likes hearing what I'm thinking and having the reassurance of everything. I want to make her feel all of that but I just cant get the right words out without sounding cliche and lame and insecure about what I'm doing.

 

[Lionheart1827]

Since I saw the earlier post about a similar topic I'll go ahead and try putting my own in here. it's behind a spoiler just incase sex talk offend any of you. I'm a little embarrassed to post about this so be gentle please.

Spoiler

Alright so I don't really know how this is going to sound or if I'll be able to get my point across right.

I feel like a complete lousy lay IMO. I think watching porn from a younger age and still doing it more than I'd care to admit today (even with a gf) has messed up my stimulation levels and makes me get aroused earlier than what I want. Sometimes I get lucky and can last what I would call a "normal amount of time" but most of the time I'm disappointed. in return I get discouraged and kind of dislike myself and just want to stop so I neglect the needs of the female a lot of the time.

is there any advice, even simple things to think about or to do that'll help me? I know I need to cut porn out (it's more of a boredom thing maybe) and masturbating less. should I always try to pleasure them first before anything? do it after I'm done and they still haven't felt what they wanted to? I want them to at least get off before me so it's not just me being selfish all the time.

last but not least, how the hell do you dirty talk during sex? maybe it's because I'm shy and my sex life has always made me nervous that I just try to focus on what I'm doing and stay quiet during it. my girlfriend tells me to talk more, she likes hearing what I'm thinking and having the reassurance of everything. I want to make her feel all of that but I just cant get the right words out without sounding cliche and lame and insecure about what I'm doing.

1) Yeah cut porn out, you dont have to cut it completely but every once and awhile you can do it. Have sex much more than jacking it. And try not to jack off a day or two before you know you're gonna have sex.

2) I usually pleasure her first or during it before I finish, because after I blow my wad, I'd rather bask in the afterglow with her rather than continue to work to get her off

3) I mean this is kind of a "just go with it" thing and it varies from couple to couple. Dont be embarrassed, just say stuff. Tell her how good she feels to you, (passionately) ask her if she likes it, tell her how sexy she looks, ask her how good your dick feels inside her variations of those. Just get into it man. Dont be embarrassed, this is normal couple stuff

 

[Bilix]

Since I saw the earlier post about a similar topic I'll go ahead and try putting my own in here. it's behind a spoiler just incase sex talk offend any of you. I'm a little embarrassed to post about this so be gentle please.

Spoiler

Alright so I don't really know how this is going to sound or if I'll be able to get my point across right.

I feel like a complete lousy lay IMO. I think watching porn from a younger age and still doing it more than I'd care to admit today (even with a gf) has messed up my stimulation levels and makes me get aroused earlier than what I want. Sometimes I get lucky and can last what I would call a "normal amount of time" but most of the time I'm disappointed. in return I get discouraged and kind of dislike myself and just want to stop so I neglect the needs of the female a lot of the time.

is there any advice, even simple things to think about or to do that'll help me? I know I need to cut porn out (it's more of a boredom thing maybe) and masturbating less. should I always try to pleasure them first before anything? do it after I'm done and they still haven't felt what they wanted to? I want them to at least get off before me so it's not just me being selfish all the time.

last but not least, how the hell do you dirty talk during sex? maybe it's because I'm shy and my sex life has always made me nervous that I just try to focus on what I'm doing and stay quiet during it. my girlfriend tells me to talk more, she likes hearing what I'm thinking and having the reassurance of everything. I want to make her feel all of that but I just cant get the right words out without sounding cliche and lame and insecure about what I'm doing.

Unfortunately, if you're worried about premature ejaculation, it'll likely cause premature ejaculation. It's a bit frustrating and can be a number of different causes. It could be a combo of things besides penetration like sounds or the look on your partner's face. It can also be because your partner is really tight. Try different positions. Try to find something where you can last longer that your partner enjoys as well. Less porn helps to an extent, but I wouldn't cut it off entirely.

Also, yes, should definitely pleasure them beforehand. If you do it after the fact, it's not as good since you're already "satisfied". Your partner will be able to sense your "craving" more if you lead off with it.

Can't help you much with "talking dirty". I can't pull it off myself without bursting into laughter. For starters, be more vocal about what pleasures you. Let out some noise when you feel pleasure. It communicates to your partner that they're pleasuring you. You don't need to express it in words for now. If needed, you can work on that later.

 

[stn]

@Jokab

I know its hard but you should take a break from porn. Try to go a week without wanking, even two weeks if you can. If you absolutely have to jerk it, try to do it to your own imagination.

 

[PflargBlarg]

Unfortunately, if you're worried about premature ejaculation, it'll likely cause premature ejaculation. It's a bit frustrating and can be a number of different causes. It could be a combo of things besides penetration like sounds or the look on your partner's face. It can also be because your partner is really tight. Try different positions. Try to find something where you can last longer that your partner enjoys as well. Less porn helps to an extent, but I wouldn't cut it off entirely.

Also, yes, should definitely pleasure them beforehand. If you do it after the fact, it's not as good since you're already "satisfied". Your partner will be able to sense your "craving" more if you lead off with it.

Can't help you much with "talking dirty". I can't pull it off myself without bursting into laughter. For starters, be more vocal about what pleasures you. Let out some noise when you feel pleasure. It communicates to your partner that they're pleasuring you. You don't need to express it in words for now. If needed, you can work on that later.

I don't want to hijack the conversation exactly but I can add something on to this.

Daria, I've got similar issues as you I think, the trick is to roll with it.

The only person I've had sex with is my fiancée so I don't exactly have anything to compare against, but basically once I'm actually in her I have a very short period of time before it's all over. I suspect that she's relatively quite tight as there is really no stopping it from happening. This isn't coming from the same source as you as I've masturbated/watched porn maybe 3 times in the last 2 years, but the solution is the same anyway.

Just make sure she's fully satisfied before it's 'your turn' so to speak. You can then always cuddle and whatever for however long it takes you to get ready again and have another round.

Your highest priority is to be great at oral sex because most women aren't able to get off from penetration anyway.

And yeah, I mean, I'm not too much into saying ridiculous shit during sex either but at least give her some noises or tell her how good she feels, etc. If you're up for actually laughing your ass off during sex, I highly recommend drawing some good phrases from Japanese anime/manga porn.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

After talking to my best friend about this last night. He basically mirrored both of your guys' view of the situation. You guys are spot on, now I see where I went wrong. Hope at least she would give me a chance to explain myself and let her know I was being a bit pushy with this Seattle thing. Even if that'll be the end of this connection.

I wouldn't bother: you only had 2 dates and I'm sure you made your intentions clear. If you feel like contacting her again will ease your conscience, then go ahead, but keep in mind she'll likely respond so be prepared for that as well.

 

[Hjod]

I've been dating a girl for about six months, we haven't been seeing each other that much since we both work and we live in different cities.

But the last month we have been seeing much more of each other and I've come to the realisation that there isn't enough feelings for me to go steady with her. Sure she's great, but I won't work, the feelings aren't there.

So I ended it today, I feel like such an asshole, hopefully she won't be sad for too long.

Fuck.

 

[ZackieChan]

You'll both be fine!

 

[NateDrake]

I don't want to hijack the conversation exactly but I can add something on to this.

Daria, I've got similar issues as you I think, the trick is to roll with it.

The only person I've had sex with is my fiancée so I don't exactly have anything to compare against, but basically once I'm actually in her I have a very short period of time before it's all over. I suspect that she's relatively quite tight as there is really no stopping it from happening. This isn't coming from the same source as you as I've masturbated/watched porn maybe 3 times in the last 2 years, but the solution is the same anyway.

Just make sure she's fully satisfied before it's 'your turn' so to speak. You can then always cuddle and whatever for however long it takes you to get ready again and have another round.

Your highest priority is to be great at oral sex because most women aren't able to get off from penetration anyway.

And yeah, I mean, I'm not too much into saying ridiculous shit during sex either but at least give her some noises or tell her how good she feels, etc. If you're up for actually laughing your ass off during sex, I highly recommend drawing some good phrases from Japanese anime/manga porn.

Yeah, being skilled at oral sex is important and can blow their mind. Recently after having an early afternoon sexual session, the girl and I ended the night with round two. It started with some use of the fingers, rubbing/pinching/licking her nipples, and then went to oral. I went down on her about 5 times for 5-10 minute intervals. I teased her after she would orgasm by asking if she wanted me to continue and if she smiled I would go back down on her. It excited her and made her feel super attractive. She went pretty in detail with the dirty talk & now wants to try some other activities with me tying her up. Think I'll bring a blindfold and use ice cubes to heighten the experience a bit next time.

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

I wouldn't bother: you only had 2 dates and I'm sure you made your intentions clear. If you feel like contacting her again will ease your conscience, then go ahead, but keep in mind she'll likely respond so be prepared for that as well.

At this point I have backed off, waiting to hear from her, as much as I'd like to say I am not holding my breath, I am, she was too much fun to get to know and hang out with this past week. I am doing everything in my power to stop myself from contacting her, It's not easy but work and friends are keeping me busy for the time being, yeah.. I've walked away. I have no idea if I'll ever hear from her, but like you said for the sake of easing my conscious, hope we can have a quick conversation. I'll leave this for her to decide. Shitty position to be in

 

[Daria]

Thanks for the replies people, it really helped me out. I apologize if the formatting of this reply is bad (I'm on mobile) but I wanted to get this on here.

Just make sure she's fully satisfied before it's 'your turn' so to speak. You can then always cuddle and whatever for however long it takes you to get ready again and have another round.

Your highest priority is to be great at oral sex because most women aren't able to get off from penetration anyway.

Step 1. Pleasure them either before or during, never after. Got it.

I highly recommend drawing some good phrases from Japanese anime/manga porn.

I actually laughed thinking how that would go over. maybe I'll try that just for fun and see how it goes.

Unfortunately, if you're worried about premature ejaculation, it'll likely cause premature ejaculation.

I think this may be one of biggest issues because I do always worry about it. I want to get her off, let her have a good time but how can she when I can't even last long enough to do that? I just need to slow down everything, breathing and pumping I guess.

Also, yes, should definitely pleasure them beforehand. If you do it after the fact, it's not as good since you're already "satisfied". Your partner will be able to sense your "craving" more if you lead off with it.

Again, step 1.

1) Yeah cut porn out, you dont have to cut it completely but every once and awhile you can do it. Have sex much more than jacking it. And try not to jack off a day or two before you know you're gonna have sex.

I'm going to definitely cut back and if I have an urge, I'll use my imagination or even ask the girlfriend about it. maybe it'll be better sexing her or looking at pictures, that way I focus on getting pleasure from her, not fake stars.

2) I usually pleasure her first or during it before I finish, because after I blow my wad, I'd rather bask in the afterglow with her rather than continue to work to get her off

step 1 is really coming into play for this discussion lol

 

[Nastrodamous]

So I met a girl yesterday and I tried to schedule a date she said she was busy all week with work but said next week she would be free and she gave me her number. My cousin told me to send her a text today. What am I supposed to say? The last girl I dated was my lab partner from college about 2 years ago. So I really don't know what I'm doing.


Thanks teammates

 

[Daria]

So I met a girl yesterday and I tried to schedule a date she said she was busy all week with work but said next week she would be free and she gave me her number. My cousin told me to send her a text today. What am I supposed to say? The last girl I dated was my lab partner from college about 2 years ago. So I really don't know what I'm doing.


Thanks teammates

just start off with small talk, ask how she's doing, maybe tell her you hope her week goes smoothly because you know she has a lot of work to do. build into asking her about the date next week

 

[gaiages]

I've been dating a girl for about six months, we haven't been seeing each other that much since we both work and we live in different cities.

But the last month we have been seeing much more of each other and I've come to the realisation that there isn't enough feelings for me to go steady with her. Sure she's great, but I won't work, the feelings aren't there.

So I ended it today, I feel like such an asshole, hopefully she won't be sad for too long.

Fuck.

You did the right thing, honestly.

 

[Thorgal]

So i am interested in a girl who works at the local summer bar .

I wanted to ask her if she was interested in a drink this weekend when not on the clock but since there was a party going on today and it was crowded as hell , i did not want to bother her while swamped in work .
I also believe that our first meeting should not be a shouting match trying to understand each other .

I plan to ask her tomorrow when the place is calm but i do not know what her reaction will be .

But on the other hand , every time we passed each other she smiled at me , now this might have been a smile out of friendliness for the customers or not , but hey, i got a smile every time and not a dirty look ( not that most girls do that to me ) so that is something .

so I am gonna ask her tomorrow , what do i have to lose right , except feeling a bit shitty for a day Upon rejection ?

Should i go for it ?

i could ask her once her shift is over , but i don't know when that is .
should i ask her during her work when the place is almost empty ?

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

GAF, I am dying here, I am literally counting the minutes, is she ever going to text/call me back?

she finished her shift at 2:00pm and now its 3:10 and the last hour especially has been difficult.

I need a closure on this, just five minutes on the phone with her, so I can say what I need to say, hear something from her, take a deep breath and get on with my life.

This woman had no qualms about texting me all day starting 5:00 in the am (when she woke up) , called me smack in the middle of the day at my work a few times last week, and the last three days, she barely has been returning any of my text messages, and when she did they have been ice cold. (Me "Good Night Nat" ....... "Don't I get a good night back?" ..... Her "goodnight back" ) As if though I ran over her dog and did not even show any remorse or something....

total cold shoulder, total 180.

I need to focus on my work and stop thinking about this shit.. should I call her and get things over with? or wait a little longer?

This is not easy.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Just delete her number. Forget about making peace or easing your conscience, it's not going to change anything. You've been on 2 dates and there are way more fish in the sea. Sure it sucks getting the cold shoulder but that's life.

Cutting her out completely is the only way to move on. You call her, what if she doesn't respond? You leave a voicemail and the waiting happens all over again. "Maybe she's busy I'll call later." "What about now? She's probably eating dinner." "Evening is a good time. But what if she's watching a movie?" "It's too late to call again, I'll do it in the morning." All this does is exacerbate the situation.

Don't wait. Don't call. Try not to think about her; if you do immediately try to forget.

 

[Feltrol]

I need to focus on my work and stop thinking about this shit.. should I call her and get things over with? or wait a little longer?

This is not easy.

I would say wait a little longer, but you already know she has been giving you the cold treatment. Don't give her the attention she doesn't deserves.

Cutting her out completely is the only way to move on.

I like that attitude. Keep moving on!

 

[Llyranor]

I agree with the above. You are giving this girl you've only just met way too much control over your life and how you feel. You need to step back and be willing to let go. Otherwise people will detect the desperation vibes.

 

[Gray Matter]

What are your thoughts on misreading a persons perception of you?

What I mean by this is that (some might remember) I recently met this girl at her job, I normally don't like to ask for a number while they're working, but this time it was different. The few times I've been to her job (restaurant) we had great interaction, lots of chatter, flirting, she even remembered my name and face, I take that as a good sign. Eventually I asked for her number despite her being on the clock, she hesitated but gave it to me anyway. I texted her the next day, nothing special, but a text nonetheless. She replied late and didn't see it until the next morning, which I when I replied, since then, nothing.

Is it possible that I misread her flirting just because I was a customer and she was being nice just because I am a customer?

 

[gaiages]

What are your thoughts on misreading a persons perception of you?

What I mean by this is that (some might remember) I recently met this girl at her job, I normally don't like to ask for a number while they're working, but this time it was different. The few times I've been to her job (restaurant) we had great interaction, lots of chatter, flirting, she even remembered my name and face, I take that as a good sign. Eventually I asked for her number despite her being on the clock, she hesitated but gave it to me anyway. I texted her the next day, nothing special, but a text nonetheless. She replied late and didn't see it until the next morning, which I when I replied, since then, nothing.

Is it possible that I misread her flirting just because I was a customer and she was being nice just because I am a customer?

Again, doesn't she work two jobs?

And I mean, you might as well just ask her out and get everything over with. Either then she'll say yes, no, or not reply (no), and you can be done overthinking it.

 

[Jhoan]

What are your thoughts on misreading a persons perception of you?

What I mean by this is that (some might remember) I recently met this girl at her job, I normally don't like to ask for a number while they're working, but this time it was different. The few times I've been to her job (restaurant) we had great interaction, lots of chatter, flirting, she even remembered my name and face, I take that as a good sign. Eventually I asked for her number despite her being on the clock, she hesitated but gave it to me anyway. I texted her the next day, nothing special, but a text nonetheless. She replied late and didn't see it until the next morning, which I when I replied, since then, nothing.

Is it possible that I misread her flirting just because I was a customer and she was being nice just because I am a customer?

In all honesty, unless you're a psychology/counseling major or really outgoing/an extravert, body language is a hard thing to decipher. There are books and exercises that help such as watching a TV show on mute and look at the characters' expressions/gestures. Unless you're Professor X, most people don't know what's going through a person's head. You can hit it off with a girl in person, text her, and find that you get cold feet but it's because you took too long and didn't get to the point by asking her out.

I think the general consensus in this thread is to cut the chit chat, get to the point, and ask her out for something for this week. It's why you got her number in the first place right? I don't think waiting around for the "right" time to text her has done you any favors. In the end of the day, those who dare, win.

 

[Gray Matter]

Again, doesn't she work two jobs?

And I mean, you might as well just ask her out and get everything over with. Either then she'll say yes, no, or not reply (no), and you can be done overthinking it.

She does. I don't know her schedule, but surely there has to be a time where she can reply.

 

[n64coder]

total cold shoulder, total 180.

That's your answer. You need to move on. Forget about her.

 

[Gray Matter]

In all honesty, unless you're a psychology/counseling major or really outgoing/an extravert, body language is a hard thing to decipher. There are books and exercises that help such as watching a TV show on mute and look at the characters' expressions/gestures. Unless you're Professor X, most people don't know what's going through a person's head. You can hit it off with a girl in person, text her, and find that you get cold feet but it's because you took too long and didn't get to the point by asking her out.

I think the general consensus in this thread is to cut the chit chat, get to the point, and ask her out for something for this week. It's why you got her number in the first place right? I don't think waiting around for the "right" time to text her has done you any favors. In the end of the day, those who dare, win.

That's the thing, I am trying to move things along, make my intentions clear, but she hasn't given me the chance. I don't want to bombard her phone because let's face it, that's not going to help and it's something I wouldn't do anyway.

 

[Jhoan]

That's the thing, I am trying to move things along, make my intentions clear, but she hasn't given me the chance. I don't want to bombard her phone because let's face it, that's not going to help and it's something I wouldn't do anyway.

Of course not since we all want to give off a good impression and not appear to be needy. Again, instead of trying to make your intentions clear, just send her a bat signal and ask her out already.

In fact, read this article I found on a girl's You Should Message Me section of OKC on why then come back to us: http://jezebel.com/if-you-want-to-get-laid-stop-texting-hey-and-make-some-1710971847

 

[Gray Matter]

Of course not since we all want to give off a good impression and not appear to be needy. Again, instead of trying to make your intentions clear, just send her a bat signal and ask her out already.

In fact, read this article I found on a girl's You Should Message Me section of OKC on why then come back to us: http://jezebel.com/if-you-want-to-get-laid-stop-texting-hey-and-make-some-1710971847

That does sound like good advice, but with her jam packed schedule it would be difficult.

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

Just delete her number. Forget about making peace or easing your conscience, it's not going to change anything. You've been on 2 dates and there are way more fish in the sea. Sure it sucks getting the cold shoulder but that's life.

Cutting her out completely is the only way to move on. You call her, what if she doesn't respond? You leave a voicemail and the waiting happens all over again. "Maybe she's busy I'll call later." "What about now? She's probably eating dinner." "Evening is a good time. But what if she's watching a movie?" "It's too late to call again, I'll do it in the morning." All this does is exacerbate the situation.

Don't wait. Don't call. Try not to think about her; if you do immediately try to forget.

I would say wait a little longer, but you already know she has been giving you the cold treatment. Don't give her the attention she doesn't deserves.



I like that attitude. Keep moving on!

That's your answer. You need to move on. Forget about her.

Thanks for all the support guys...

So I cracked shortly after my last post and texted her, she took a good 20 minutes to text me back "Sorry! Was on the line with me ma, Ready when you are"

So I give her a ring!

I was like "Anything wrong? is there something I need to know?"

She was all "Whaaa? No no ! ha! no..! whatchya talking about? Everything's great!"

I was like "Really? well you seemed quite distant on the weekend"

_"Yeah, yeah, sorry it was a busy weekend, blah blah blah.."

I was all "Yeeeeah... I think suggesting to go to Seattle was a bad idea, it was my dumb attempt at being spontaneous and fun, but in reality I think it's too early for us to spend the weekend together, and I get the sense you feel the same way..."

"Actually yeah, I was gonna say... It is probably better if we didn't go together. But I love hangin out with you now and then, I have so much fun blah fuckin balh! Call me tonight when you're done work"

Long story short, sure enough it was the Seattle weekend getaway plans that made her skittish.

I told her no worries I already have a mate that's going with me, so it's all good ( which is the truth)

I was just a little pissed and turned off by her (figuratively wording) "What do you mean I am pissing on your leg now? That's clean, lovely summer rain mate! not pissing on anyone's leg, that's fresh rain you're feeling right now." Attitude. Came off very insincere.

Guess she didn't want to sound "mean" or "cruel" or anything...

So Longer story shorter, I am most likely friendzoned by this one...

I ain't givin up though.