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[Deleted member 529084]

Can you pinpoint the issue? It honestly sounds like you're oblivious.

I can.

Im lonely and vulnerable and I enjoy what little attention/affection she gives me, even if it's toxic.
I'm easy to manipulate due to these things and I'm left wondering which pain is worse...the one she puts me through or the one where I'm alone again and my twisted little mind misses her.

Even when my wife was alivery years 1 through 5 were great...years 5 through 15 were like living with a friend. So a female saying and doing the right thing is intoxicating..and that's mutiplied due to her beauty.

 

[ZackieChan]

nah

i've avoided a lot of strife by getting to see if a girl was or wasn't worth some shit based on trying to have a conversation worth a damn on websites in the past

i'm not about to go out on a date with every woman willing to talk surface shit with me

To each his own. I don't agree, though. I'm willing to go meet someone who I am attracted to and have chatted a bit with. I'd like to have a lot to talk about when we go get coffee or something. I ain't going to the opera or expensive dinners with them for the first meeting (I think there was a gaffer that did that).

 

[Deleted member 529084]

And she's getting a tattoo done that requires multiple full-day sessions? That's not cheap either...

Bail. Break up with her, block her on everything you can. If she starts using other people's accounts, start a "low tech weekend", or however long you need.

3 grand.

I think that's the best idea also. I need to eliminate her 100%

I'm not even sure what to say or do tonight to make it happen.
I get roped in by her..I'm weak when it comes to letting her go.

 

[gaiages]

3 grand.

I think that's the best idea also. I need to eliminate her 100%

I'm not even sure what to say or do tonight to make it happen.
I get roped in by her..I'm weak when it comes to letting her go.

Just text her, tell her it's over, and when she says "you need to do it in person" refuse to do so.

Block her on everything. If she uses other people's accounts, block those too.

If she comes to your house, ignore her, don't open the door.

Cut her out completely and don't let her manipulate you any more.

 

[Deleted member 529084]

Just text her, tell her it's over, and when she says "you need to do it in person" refuse to do so.

Block her on everything. If she uses other people's accounts, block those too.

If she comes to your house, ignore her, don't open the door.

Cut her out completely and don't let her manipulate you any more.

She's gonna spin it. Tell me I'm the greatest thing to happen to me, tell me I'm wrong and I'm letting my trust issues cloud my judgement.

She's gonna basically get it into my head that tomorrow or the next day I'll be filled with regrets, I self sabotaged, etc..

 

[Max]

She's gonna spin it. Tell me I'm the greatest thing to happen to me, tell me I'm wrong and I'm letting my trust issues cloud my judgement.

She's gonna basically get it into my head that tomorrow or the next day I'll be filled with regrets, I self sabotaged, etc..

You realize she will try and manipulate you. You are AWARE. So don't cave into it.

 

[gaiages]

She's gonna spin it. Tell me I'm the greatest thing to happen to me, tell me I'm wrong and I'm letting my trust issues cloud my judgement.

She's gonna basically get it into my head that tomorrow or the next day I'll be filled with regrets, I self sabotaged, etc..

Which why you refuse to talk to her after you say it's over. Just don't respond to that bullshit. You have to realize that attitude is unhealthy, and you do, so do as Max says and stop caving to it.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

She's gonna spin it. Tell me I'm the greatest thing to happen to me, tell me I'm wrong and I'm letting my trust issues cloud my judgement.

She's gonna basically get it into my head that tomorrow or the next day I'll be filled with regrets, I self sabotaged, etc..

So cut contact like literally everyone has told you? Stop with the childish excuses and grow a pair.

 

[n64coder]

She's gonna spin it. Tell me I'm the greatest thing to happen to me, tell me I'm wrong and I'm letting my trust issues cloud my judgement.

She's gonna basically get it into my head that tomorrow or the next day I'll be filled with regrets, I self sabotaged, etc..

As others said, ignore/block her. Resurrect your online dating profiles and get out there again. You were able to date her. There are other better women you can be dating. Be confident in yourself.

 

[ZackieChan]

She's gonna spin it. Tell me I'm the greatest thing to happen to me, tell me I'm wrong and I'm letting my trust issues cloud my judgement.

She's gonna basically get it into my head that tomorrow or the next day I'll be filled with regrets, I self sabotaged, etc..

Then go back with her. Live through this shitty relationship.

But for fuck's sake stop posting about it in here if you do. GAF is full of people who ask for advice constantly and never take the sensible advice that's given.

 

[Roberto Larcos]

Quote to reveal.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

She's gonna spin it. Tell me I'm the greatest thing to happen to me, tell me I'm wrong and I'm letting my trust issues cloud my judgement.

She's gonna basically get it into my head that tomorrow or the next day I'll be filled with regrets, I self sabotaged, etc..

I'm going to add additional nuance here, which hopefully can provide the willpower you need: just how is this instability affecting your son? I'm not denigrating your parenting, by the way (and going to your son's soccer practice was absolutely the right call). But kids pick up on a lot, and you've been a certifiable mess in this thread for a while now. Even if you've managed to hide most of it, I guarantee you that he's noticed things -- and he deserves to see his father in a happy and stable relationship. You're not in one. End it. If not for your sake, for his.

Quote to reveal.

Your belief that your situation is not overly healthy is correct. Having more of that situation will make it more not overly healthy. I trust you to let the rest fall into place.

 

[Deleted member 529084]

It's done.

She called me bi-polar and said it's all in my head.
She then blocked me on all social media and I'm guessing my phone number.

Fucking hurts...but it was for the best.

 

[gaiages]

Quote to reveal.

No, don't do that. It'd just make things worse for you, on both the drama end and the feelings end. And she won't stop running to you to handle her emotional stuff.

It's done.

She called me bi-polar and said it's all in my head.
She then blocked me on all social media and I'm guessing my phone number.

Fucking hurts...but it was for the best.

Did you block her stuff as well? I can guarantee you in a couple days she'll unblock you and try to manipulate you again. Get the preemptive on that and don't let it happen in the first place.

 

[luckyboyceo]

nah

i've avoided a lot of strife by getting to see if a girl was or wasn't worth some shit based on trying to have a conversation worth a damn on websites in the past

i'm not about to go out on a date with every woman willing to talk surface shit with me

That's not really the point though. I mean, if you're looking to have an actual relationship with someone, you're going to need to connect in-person, ultimately. Good online banter/conversations don't mean a damn if you meet up with her and find out she wasn't the girl you thought she was.

Why not save the actual conversation for when you can get together and see what she's actually like in real life?

Quote to reveal.

Sounds like a disaster, honestly.

 

[Deleted member 529084]

No, don't do that. It'd just make things worse for you, on both the drama end and the feelings end. And she won't stop running to you to handle her emotional stuff.



Did you block her stuff as well? I can guarantee you in a couple days she'll unblock you and try to manipulate you again. Get the preemptive on that and don't let it happen in the first place.

I can't block her social media stuff cause her blocking me makes her invisible now.
Phone yes.
I defriended all out mutual friends also.

I don't think she's coming back this time to be honest.
I was pretty adamant and explained my lack of trust and her disrespect are a toxic combo and I'm not happy anymore. Told her she may be mad now but she'll be happy later.
I think she will, she changed a bunch these last few weeks and she'll realize we were going in different directions.


Funny thing is, I told the "I'm sick and tired" story to all my girl friends today and while everyone here said it was a valid excuse every woman I know in real life said to me..
"She fucked him before you came over"
Lol

 

[AcridMeat]

I'm proud of you SPMH, go spend a quality weekend bonding with your son. It'll help.

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

GAF is full of people who ask for advice constantly and never take the sensible advice that's given.

Why do you say this, some people actually do tally up all the advice given here and they do take the good ones to heart and follow through with it.

The most common pattern I see in this thread is younger, (more insecure) people being too attached to one girl, who seems to be the ONLY source to their happiness and (sadly) only source of social interaction with the opposite sex.

hence why it is very difficult for these guys to let go of these girls. SPMH says it himself in a few posts back, "What is worst? be constantly abused by her toxic attitude? or be alone and insecure all the time? "

Just don;t be to hard on these guys, I think it can never be stressed enough to tell some folks here to work on their own selves first, to find some ways to be social and happy themselves, without relying on the presence of some girl they butt heads with constantly, over and over, but refuse to let go of.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I've been dating someone for all of nine days now, but as there are no longer any Online Dating connotations, this thread seems a better fit than the other one, especially since I've elected not to pursue other leads on OKCupid and probably have a dozen or more messages languishing in my inbox. (Perhaps that's my first mistake!)

Here's a brief chronology: we started messaging something like a month ago, except there were long delays in responding. In fact, some of the messages even said, "We're terrible at this." I was seeing someone else; it didn't go anywhere, and I'm sure that she was doing the same. Anyway, we agreed that we'd been talking for too long, so we finally went out the Saturday before last. Date One: Margaritas and guac; 4 hours of talking like old friends. Ended with a respectable ten seconds of kissing, her leaving to hang with girlfriends, and me saying, "I like you. I want to see you again." Date Two: Last Wednesday. Gelato, then a movie, which turned out to be Inside Out, followed by pizza and drinks. At this point, I realize that I couldn't, in good conscience, continue to see the other girl I was dating; she'd be nothing more than a backup. Date Three: Last Saturday. Took her to dinner ("Ooh, fancy!"), then a comedy show; we continued back at my place, where we watched an Aziz Ansari standup special and stayed up talking until 2am. She spent the night. We're taking it slow, and she appreciated that I respected her boundaries and wanted to make her feel comfortable.

That brings us to this week.

It's going great, right? I still have a tiny bit of nervousness. Not a lot, and I've even told her this; it's just enough to keep me trying to impress her. (Also, want to impress a woman? Tell her that you never intend to stop impressing her, while holding her to the same.) She claimed that she realized I was complaining about her not asking me out, so she suggested Date Four: a movie in the park Thursday night, where she'd bring some snacks. I offered to bring the wine, blanket, and chocolate.

Except I really wasn't complaining, just teasing. And I'm perfectly okay with continuing to ask her out. I counter-asked her to a happy hour special we'd previously talked about, either for tomorrow or Wednesday, 'cept she said she couldn't do those days. Surprisingly, no worries there: if she's going out on other dates, I'll just continue to be more awesome than her other options. Really, it's just this stupid point about wanting her to ask me out that's bothering me...

... I'm sure it'll go fine, and I'll just bring it on Date Five, right? At what point do you even begin to consider exclusivity? I'm not putting this girl on a pedestal by any means (I'm 32; she's 27, so we've been around the block), but is there something to be gained by communicating that hey, this is going well, and I'd rather try to build something than meet other people on first dates? I have no idea when to pull that trigger, even though things are clearly building to that.

 

[luckyboyceo]

I've been dating someone for all of nine days now, but as there are no longer any Online Dating connotations, this thread seems a better fit than the other one, especially since I've elected not to pursue other leads on OKCupid and probably have a dozen or more messages languishing in my inbox. (Perhaps that's my first mistake!)

Here's a brief chronology: we started messaging something like a month ago, except there were long delays in responding. In fact, some of the messages even said, "We're terrible at this." I was seeing someone else; it didn't go anywhere, and I'm sure that she was doing the same. Anyway, we agreed that we'd been talking for too long, so we finally went out the Saturday before last. Date One: Margaritas and guac; 4 hours of talking like old friends. Ended with a respectable ten seconds of kissing, her leaving to hang with girlfriends, and me saying, "I like you. I want to see you again." Date Two: Last Wednesday. Gelato, then a movie, which turned out to be Inside Out, followed by pizza and drinks. At this point, I realize that I couldn't, in good conscience, continue to see the other girl I was dating; she'd be nothing more than a backup. Date Three: Last Saturday. Took her to dinner ("Ooh, fancy!"), then a comedy show; we continued back at my place, where we watched an Aziz Ansari standup special and stayed up talking until 2am. She spent the night. We're taking it slow, and she appreciated that I respected her boundaries and wanted to make her feel comfortable.

That brings us to this week.

It's going great, right? I still have a tiny bit of nervousness. Not a lot, and I've even told her this; it's just enough to keep me trying to impress her. (Also, want to impress a woman? Tell her that you never intend to stop impressing her, while holding her to the same.) She claimed that she realized I was complaining about her not asking me out, so she suggested Date Four: a movie in the park Thursday night, where she'd bring some snacks. I offered to bring the wine, blanket, and chocolate.

Except I really wasn't complaining, just teasing. And I'm perfectly okay with continuing to ask her out. I counter-asked her to a happy hour special we'd previously talked about, either for tomorrow or Wednesday, 'cept she said she couldn't do those days. Surprisingly, no worries there: if she's going out on other dates, I'll just continue to be more awesome than her other options. Really, it's just this stupid point about wanting her to ask me out that's bothering me...

... I'm sure it'll go fine, and I'll just bring it on Date Five, right? At what point do you even begin to consider exclusivity? I'm not putting this girl on a pedestal by any means (I'm 32; she's 27, so we've been around the block), but is there something to be gained by communicating that hey, this is going well, and I'd rather try to build something than meet other people on first dates? I have no idea when to pull that trigger, even though things are clearly building to that.

Wait, you guys have gone out three times in nine days? That's a lot if you ask me. That's not necessarily a bad thing, seeing as the dates apparently went quite well, but I definitely believe that a little distance in the early stages of a relationship can go a long way. Regardless, nine days is certainly too soon to discuss exclusivity, even if you think that's the way it's going.

What's the harm in just letting things unfold naturally? If they continue to go as well as they are, I have no doubt that you guys will end up exclusive down the road. I think there should at least be a few weeks, maybe even a month or two, to make sure that you guys genuinely like each other after the newness wears off. I can't tell you how many times I've started dating someone, and after two weeks been so ready to commit that if I was presented the opportunity to I would do so in a heartbeat, only to realize two months later (after the butterflies and newness wears off) that we aren't a good fit for each other. If you're still enjoying where things are going by then, I think it's appropriate to approach the topic.

 

[Septimius]

"She fucked him before you came over"
Lol

It doesn't matter. Just look at the way she treated you when you told her. She will come after you, though. She will take all kinds of drastic measurement to try and get a hold of you. You need to be prepared for that. You need to understand that she'll continue to hound you for a good while. She'll play the hot-cold game with you, again. She'll be throwing herself at you in one second, the next second when she's not getting a response, she'll throw insults at you. Block her, remove her from your life. If you have any stuff, what so ever, from her, or that was hers, remove it all. If there's stuff you want to give back, set it in a box somewhere out of sight. The day she's on your door, begging you to come back to her, is the day you give it back, and lock the door.

I've been dating someone for all of nine days now, but as there are no longer any Online Dating connotations, this thread seems a better fit than the other one, especially since I've elected not to pursue other leads on OKCupid and probably have a dozen or more messages languishing in my inbox. (Perhaps that's my first mistake!)

Here's a brief chronology: we started messaging something like a month ago, except there were long delays in responding. In fact, some of the messages even said, "We're terrible at this." I was seeing someone else; it didn't go anywhere, and I'm sure that she was doing the same. Anyway, we agreed that we'd been talking for too long, so we finally went out the Saturday before last. Date One: Margaritas and guac; 4 hours of talking like old friends. Ended with a respectable ten seconds of kissing, her leaving to hang with girlfriends, and me saying, "I like you. I want to see you again." Date Two: Last Wednesday. Gelato, then a movie, which turned out to be Inside Out, followed by pizza and drinks. At this point, I realize that I couldn't, in good conscience, continue to see the other girl I was dating; she'd be nothing more than a backup. Date Three: Last Saturday. Took her to dinner ("Ooh, fancy!"), then a comedy show; we continued back at my place, where we watched an Aziz Ansari standup special and stayed up talking until 2am. She spent the night. We're taking it slow, and she appreciated that I respected her boundaries and wanted to make her feel comfortable.

That brings us to this week.

It's going great, right? I still have a tiny bit of nervousness. Not a lot, and I've even told her this; it's just enough to keep me trying to impress her. (Also, want to impress a woman? Tell her that you never intend to stop impressing her, while holding her to the same.) She claimed that she realized I was complaining about her not asking me out, so she suggested Date Four: a movie in the park Thursday night, where she'd bring some snacks. I offered to bring the wine, blanket, and chocolate.

Except I really wasn't complaining, just teasing. And I'm perfectly okay with continuing to ask her out. I counter-asked her to a happy hour special we'd previously talked about, either for tomorrow or Wednesday, 'cept she said she couldn't do those days. Surprisingly, no worries there: if she's going out on other dates, I'll just continue to be more awesome than her other options. Really, it's just this stupid point about wanting her to ask me out that's bothering me...

... I'm sure it'll go fine, and I'll just bring it on Date Five, right? At what point do you even begin to consider exclusivity? I'm not putting this girl on a pedestal by any means (I'm 32; she's 27, so we've been around the block), but is there something to be gained by communicating that hey, this is going well, and I'd rather try to build something than meet other people on first dates? I have no idea when to pull that trigger, even though things are clearly building to that.

There's nothing cut and dry. I have never understood the American "exclusivity". Here in Norway, when you date someone, you're exclusive. I digress. You need to just bring that up, in an organic way, if you feel that. A good way is saying something like "before, I've always had no qualms about dating multiple people at once, when it's the first few dates. With you, it's different. I don't feel a wish to date anyone else". It's a little romantic thing to say, and given that you have a fair take on the situation, I'm sure she feels something alone those lines. Perhaps that'll give rest to something that might be having her dating others "because what if it doesn't work out", which seems why most people date multiple people in 'default-not-exclusive-land'. There's nothing wrong with taking a chance with her. I can't say if even bringing it up like the way I proposed is too direct, too soon, so I need to refer to your judgment on that one. Feel the situation out.

You should absolutely challenge her, not just tease her. You need to have the balls to reply with "I'm sure you couldn't come up with one good date even near the three I've already come up with", and stuff like that. Tease her, challenge her, and keep it playful. When she says "oh, yeah?!" and asks you to a movie in the park, at the date, go "I have to give it to you, this is really an amazing date'. I'm just sensing a lack of confidence to challenge her. Like, propose to massage her, say cocky shit like you give the best massages, keep it on an arms length, even. If she's like "my back is so sore", you could say "you know, I give the best massages", then you could say "but it's not something everyone gets to experience. I don't really know if you're there, yet". Her response will be playful, trust me, and you quip back and forth like that. The way I see it now, something that was teasing is now bothering you. Tease. It should be like that.

I'd challenge you to find a way to bring more teasing into it. Then an exchange like that would just be part of the back and forth, and not be this nugget of doubt in your mind. Because it's nothing to doubt, it's healthy to challenge the other, and it's tons of fun!

 

[RpgN]

It's done.

She called me bi-polar and said it's all in my head.
She then blocked me on all social media and I'm guessing my phone number.

Fucking hurts...but it was for the best.

It's heartbreaking to read what you have been through. Don't let her get to you this time.

 

[Servbot24]

I haven't been getting many online responses lately. This is my profile photo right now - maybe it's too formal? Would something more casual and spontaneous be better? Or maybe I'm just ugly, lol

 

[Gray Matter]

One thing I hate is when I see a picture with multiple people in it, I can never know who it is. I suggest your main picture is one of yourself.

 

[n64coder]

I haven't been getting many online responses lately. This is my profile photo right now - maybe it's too formal? Would something more casual and spontaneous be better? Or maybe I'm just ugly, lol

I'm no online guru but I think it's a nice picture. I would think women would like a sharp dressed man.

 

[n64coder]

One thing I hate is when I see a picture with multiple people in it, I can never know who it is. I suggest your main picture is one of yourself.

Good point. Listen to Walter White.

 

[Shuggananas]

I haven't been getting many online responses lately. This is my profile photo right now - maybe it's too formal? Would something more casual and spontaneous be better? Or maybe I'm just ugly, lol

Just take a casual selfie

 

[Servbot24]

One thing I hate is when I see a picture with multiple people in it, I can never know who it is. I suggest your main picture is one of yourself.

Shouldn't it be clear that I'm the one not blurred out

Unless you intended that as a general comment, in which case I agree. I don't even click on profiles if I cant tell who it is in the picture.

 

[cabot]

Just like to point out when I see a group photo with blurred/covered faces I think it's a bit strange.

Could be just my view, but unless you really have some odd friends, there shouldn't be a problem with showing them on a dating site.

I'd keep the photo (cause its nice), unblur the friend, and set either a well shot selfie (timed and placed camera) or a solo photo as the main photo.


I don't consider myself an expert in such things but I just thought I'd throw my two pence into the fountain of love.

 

[Roberto Larcos]

Your belief that your situation is not overly healthy is correct. Having more of that situation will make it more not overly healthy. I trust you to let the rest fall into place.

No, don't do that. It'd just make things worse for you, on both the drama end and the feelings end. And she won't stop running to you to handle her emotional stuff.

Sounds like a disaster, honestly.

Quote to reveal.

I haven't been getting many online responses lately. This is my profile photo right now - maybe it's too formal? Would something more casual and spontaneous be better? Or maybe I'm just ugly, lol

A little OT, but has anyone ever told you that you look like Dutch international footballer Wesley Sneijder?

Back on-topic, you look good in that photo man. Maybe it's something else? Having a formal photo as your main isn't an issue at all, but having a couple more which show a relaxed / fun side definitely won't hurt.

 

[Deleted member 529084]

Ugh...got drunk last night.


Ugh...don't dump and drink if you have heart full of anger and spite..

 

[Shuggananas]

Ugh...got drunk last night.
Anger and sadness had me write a big mean diatribe up and send it to her friend to give to her..

"So I guess my stupid drunk ass will make this last attempt to clear the air and spill whats inside of me and the pain you caused I bottled up. You just never seemed to really care. Things stuck with me. You were one of the only people who didnt wish me a happy fathers day. You never cared to ask questions about my life very much, I know 10 fold about you cause I asked and listened. Didnt care much for my day to day yet I listened to your own. I asked questions about your kids, I wanted to learn, you grazed the subject of my own. People asked me how my meeting went today and last week, you didnt. You know fuck all about my life or stresses but I let you bend my ear and lifted you out of the dark times.
I can almost say with certainty you gave the poster I gave you away, you sprung to message me when she posted it cause you shit a brick. I saw you type "My friend" to Vincent when my car was key'd..after you said he knew about us. Im not stupid, you really wanted to buy those tickets from me, that stuck with me like a thorn. You talk shit to me and I ate it. Told me to fuck off cause my son had a game and we couldnt go out. Threatened to go on a date with another guy. Humiliated me when angry or I my own feelings got in the way of what you wanted. Shit a brick if I looked at a girl for to long or talk to them, yet had a slew of men like lap dogs, expecting me to entertain the idea of you going places with them. This list could go on.
But the kicker, month or more ago "Vincent is flirting with me, I'll cut this off as soon as the tattoo is over, I want to do what you want to make you happy and secure, I want you too control me" Fast-forward, "Oh he can do shit for me, I can meet famous people?!? Waaah!! Your controlling and your jealous! Scratch everything I said about making you feel good and secure, as long as I get what I want" I dont even know what other bullshit you fed me. I bent over backwards for you, treated you like a princess through all the bullshit. Financed your divorcee depression party, sometimes $1000 a week in dinners, gifts, and alcohol. Showered you with gifts that might not have been super expensive but meant something cause I istened. I was attentive, I worshiped you and your body as more then objects but as things of beauty. I had no issue trying to bring your daughter into my heart and wanting her to like me, I held her on my hip while I paid for your babysitter cause you couldnt walk straight. I bought you an $800 dollar phone cause I needed to make you happy at any cost, the next day you blew me off cause your monster mania plans to meet washed up musicians and hang with with Vincent were back on after he cancelled.
You used me. Manipulated me. As long as you were happy and got attention everything else didnt matter. Your disrespect did nothing but feed my distrust in you and you turned that against me as me being insecure. Sorry, hard to trust someone who is self absorbed and flip-flops so much and will disrespect you at the drop of a hat. Spent all day with a guy you know rubbed me wrong cause you specifically said he hit on you and you would keep it strictly about the tattoo, then had me bring you food, take home your babysitter, then rub A&D on you so you could fall asleep. Talked a ton of shit on him Im guessing to make me feel secure, yet had no issue taking him up on a concert offer (seriously what boyfriend would be ok with this!?) so you could get what you wanted and meet another washed up musician and gave no fucks about my own feelings, like a spoiled brat. All I did for you and the littlest things were impossible if they interfered with your self-absorbed, selfish, attention seeking needs. Took advantage of me, knowing I was vulnerable, knowing I wasnt rich, knowing I had my own kid, knowing I was an easy target cause you manipulated me to fall in love with you by saying the right things when you needed too. Get me angry? Call me over and manipulate me with sex. Reasoning my problem with the men as friends as "If I wasnt friends with guys who wanted to fuck me then I'd have no guy friends, they all want too!" WTF is that suppose to make me feel better? Yes, friend them all and chat away all night, I feel secure as shit with that going on! What guy doesnt want their GF/Wife talking or hanging with guys who want to fuck them!
You prob did fuck him, or you will, or make some other terrible choice. Depends on what they give you and do for you right? Fuck thier heart, fuck how good they are too you, fuck the love that spills from them for you. Its Jenns time, shes free and ready to party and have men at her feet before its too late, call a babysitter cause this is a 4 day party! Nevermind she had a good fucking guy, a real person, with real love, and an ability to accept her baggage and have no fear of what came with it. Grow up, get your head out your ass. Theirs nobody now to hold your hair when you puke or pay your babysitter cause you cant walk straight. What you did to me, its gonna bite you in your ass. You always said "You'll regret it, Im beautiful, witty, smart, etc.." No, your gonna regret it, trust me. I'm free in ways you could fathom and was willing to be a partner in this fucked up world with you. Can you feel the suffocating waters rise? I cant. Like you said, your on a downward spiral ..come across men who see you as an object, maybe wont be accepting of your baggage..etc..As long as you get what you want and the party continues so you dont have to face the crippling reality of it all.
You fucked up, you lost me, all due to your own selfish self-absorbed attention seeking behavior and lack of ANY respect for me. Enjoy everything you took me for, enjoy every other bad choice you make, enjoy the rising waters as you sit alone at night and text away with your buddies to fulfill the the real human attention I had to give to you that you tossed aside. Your not unique, your just an asshole who makes terrible decisions due to your own insecurities.
Maybe I'll find my girl with no baggage and a kind heart who isnt selfish I'll be having a fucking ball,all the AMAZING nights you threw away to be selfish
Good luck, your gonna need it. Fuck that felt good to get off my chest...think you needed it too sweetheart."


Ugh...don't dump and drink if you have heart full of anger and spite..

at least you kept it.. quite courteous

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

There's nothing cut and dry. I have never understood the American "exclusivity". Here in Norway, when you date someone, you're exclusive. I digress. You need to just bring that up, in an organic way, if you feel that. A good way is saying something like "before, I've always had no qualms about dating multiple people at once, when it's the first few dates. With you, it's different. I don't feel a wish to date anyone else". It's a little romantic thing to say, and given that you have a fair take on the situation, I'm sure she feels something alone those lines. Perhaps that'll give rest to something that might be having her dating others "because what if it doesn't work out", which seems why most people date multiple people in 'default-not-exclusive-land'. There's nothing wrong with taking a chance with her. I can't say if even bringing it up like the way I proposed is too direct, too soon, so I need to refer to your judgment on that one. Feel the situation out.

You should absolutely challenge her, not just tease her. You need to have the balls to reply with "I'm sure you couldn't come up with one good date even near the three I've already come up with", and stuff like that. Tease her, challenge her, and keep it playful. When she says "oh, yeah?!" and asks you to a movie in the park, at the date, go "I have to give it to you, this is really an amazing date'. I'm just sensing a lack of confidence to challenge her. Like, propose to massage her, say cocky shit like you give the best massages, keep it on an arms length, even. If she's like "my back is so sore", you could say "you know, I give the best massages", then you could say "but it's not something everyone gets to experience. I don't really know if you're there, yet". Her response will be playful, trust me, and you quip back and forth like that. The way I see it now, something that was teasing is now bothering you. Tease. It should be like that.

I'd challenge you to find a way to bring more teasing into it. Then an exchange like that would just be part of the back and forth, and not be this nugget of doubt in your mind. Because it's nothing to doubt, it's healthy to challenge the other, and it's tons of fun!

Coincidentally, you're right to a point: I just didn't specify earlier that there was (and is) a ton of teasing involved. But, as I said, you're correct: I don't know why this particular thing even became a seed of doubt. It'd plainly be considered teasing before. You should never stop teasing or challenging the other person; I haven't, mind you, but this is a good reminder.

I think this transition period -- where you're going from just beginning to get to know someone to possibly entering into a relationship -- is the hardest. But there's really nothing to worry about. Obviously, we like each other, and if it's eventually demonstrated that we're not a good fit, then it's not on either of us, since we're both quality people. And there's no need to obsess over it. While I don't have the time to worry about other girls, I certainly can focus on work or friends.

Thanks for the wakeup call on simply not changing how things are progressing, because they're evolving just fine. It's weird how the mind identifies things as possible problems ... and being mindful enough to not overthink things.

 

[Deleted member 529084]

at least you kept it.. quite courteous

Maybe I'm in the clear, looks like her friend doesn't use FB messenger..maybe she won't notice it?


All kinda a blur of anger last night...oh boy.

 

[RpgN]

...

You did not need this. But if it makes you feel better to get it off your chest and to have closure, then leave it at that. At this point it should be done and dusted. No more contact of any kind towards her. And if she tries to contact you, ignore her at all cost. The most important thing is that you do not send a reply back to her.

 

[Septimius]

I haven't been getting many online responses lately. This is my profile photo right now - maybe it's too formal? Would something more casual and spontaneous be better? Or maybe I'm just ugly, lol

You're handsome. Simply put. You will never have any hindrances in life due to your looks. You're above average handsome. However, it's startling when your photo has someone else blurred out of it. Crop him out, simply as that. Anyone is freaked out by a blurred photo. Not like scared, but like "what's wrong, here?" - our brains are trying to comprehend the situation, which is taking away from seeing you. Otherwise, others give sound advice here.

Ugh...don't dump and drink if you have heart full of anger and spite..

I'm sure that felt amazing. Now it's time to move forwards. Leave her behind.

 

[cabot]

Can we discuss photos? I'm currently only using Tinder right now (easy and a test bed for photo feedback)

It's been a transitional year, I've lost just over three stone since late January, I'm getting pretty close to where I want to be with regards to physical shape.

Now I'm prepping a massive wardrobe refresh and taking advantage of my dad's new proper camera, in the meantime I'm messing around with different styles of photo to see if its helping Tinder matches before I go back onto dating websites in October.


Quote to Reveal some photos, of various different styles, opinions on what you feel work and don't (and best choices for main pics) would be appreciated.



I tend to follow these guidelines when thinking of photos:

- selfies are not to be taken with an outstretched arm, find a place to sit the camera at a decent vision level and use snap timer
- This is definitely more subjective from discussions I've had, but I like one group/friend photo. Never make it the main picture though, and keep it to one where you look good.
- Again this is subjective due to my dieting the past year, but a photo older than 6 months I try to avoid.
- At least one goofy one.

I know data shows that women like the whole 'men looking off camera and pouting' photos, what's everyone's thoughts on these?

 

[Septimius]

Can we discuss photos? I'm currently only using Tinder right now (easy and a test bed for photo feedback)

It's been a transitional year, I've lost just over three stone since late January, I'm getting pretty close to where I want to be with regards to physical shape.

Now I'm prepping a massive wardrobe refresh and taking advantage of my dad's new proper camera in, in the meantime I'm messing around with different styles of photo to see if its helping Tinder matches before I go back onto dating websites in October.


Quote to Reveal some photos, of various different styles, opinions on what you feel work and don't (and best choices for main pics) would be appreciated.

The first one strikes me as odd, but more sort of quirky than anything. The third and fourth are good.

Moreover, the Online Dating thread might be more suited for help with profiles, as that's their ace!

 

[Shuggananas]

Can we discuss photos? I'm currently only using Tinder right now (easy and a test bed for photo feedback)

It's been a transitional year, I've lost just over three stone since late January, I'm getting pretty close to where I want to be with regards to physical shape.

Now I'm prepping a massive wardrobe refresh and taking advantage of my dad's new proper camera, in the meantime I'm messing around with different styles of photo to see if its helping Tinder matches before I go back onto dating websites in October.


Quote to Reveal some photos, of various different styles, opinions on what you feel work and don't (and best choices for main pics) would be appreciated.



I tend to follow these guidelines when thinking of photos:

- selfies are not to be taken with an outstretched arm, find a place to sit the camera at a decent vision level and use snap timer
- This is definitely more subjective from discussions I've had, but I like one group/friend photo. Never make it the main picture though, and keep it to one where you look good.
- Again this is subjective due to my dieting the past year, but a photo older than 6 months I try to avoid.
- At least one goofy one.

I know data shows that women like the whole 'men looking off camera and pouting' photos, what's everyone's thoughts on these?

Man you're trying way too hard with this
I took a selfie with my frontal phone cam and it's fine

Spoiler

Got way more matches since I put it as main pic too, used to have some crappy FB pics I gathered

 

[cabot]

Really dislike my frontal phone cam, over saturates and is noisy as sin.

Thanks for feedback, I'll pop in the Online Dating thread and I'll try not to try too hard. That second one may be a personality flaw though

 

[Deleted member 529084]

Oh yeah, her friend read it.

Then she blocked me

Hope she passed it along to be honest.

 

[ZackieChan]

Oh yeah, her friend read it.

Then she blocked me

Hope she passed it along to be honest.

At this point, you're being a drama queen. You don't need to get the last word in. You need to STOP involving yourself, which is what sending that message and blackmail threat(!) is.

 

[AcridMeat]

I want to read a thread where it's the girls' perspective on these dating encounters. Would be interesting to see details left out.

 

[luckyboyceo]

I want to read a thread where it's the girls' perspective on these dating encounters. Would be interesting to see details left out.

Same here. I was out with some girls the other night and one of them was asking for advice on how to contact this guy she just started dating. It was fascinating to see the other side of the coin for once.

 

[LucidMomentum]

Same here. I was out with some girls the other night and one of them was asking for advice on how to contact this guy she just started dating. It was fascinating to see the other side of the coin for once.

Part of me wishes I was as popular with the opposite sex as my female friends are with males, but then the other part of me realizes it would get tiring pretty quick having to deal with it over time.

 

[electricshake]

I want to read a thread where it's the girls' perspective on these dating encounters. Would be interesting to see details left out.

A couple of posters (either here or in the online dating thread) said they wanted a woman's perspective on things and when I asked what they wanted to know they never replied!

Also, jesus, SPMH you sound bitter as fuck. If you're not happy about spending money on someone (ie if you're going to bitch about it later), don't spend it. It's not like she forced you to spend all that money on her.

 

[stn]

@servbot24

Honestly, you look above average! I don't want to give a grade or anything but I will say that you look good enough to get women. The pic is good but I'd recommend adding a "casual" pic next to it. Also, styling advice: shave your head. Just my opinion. Bald and buff is a popular look.

@SPMH

Just ignore her from here on out. Spend time with your kids and try to relax. The important thing here is to learn from everything and not fall into the same trap in the future. Its a good thing you got out of there, that "relationship" was beyond toxic.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I want to read a thread where it's the girls' perspective on these dating encounters. Would be interesting to see details left out.

I think it's pretty similar. They agonize over whether to contact someone too soon, they wonder if they're getting mixed signals from a guy, they wonder if they should tell someone their feelings, etc.

It probably just happens more frequently (in terms of getting approached/contacted).

 

[SuperBanana]

There's a girl at my work that I've never really spoken to but a month ago we had a going away party and she was there. We chatted for a bit and she seems pretty cool. She added me on facebook then to another going out thing with work people. We chatting a little but mostly silly stuff. A couple weeks later she messaged me and we got chatting again for 2 hours. Then I messaged her the next day and again a couple days later, again we ended up chatting for a while and got on really well.

I was thinking of asking her out but I'm not sure where to take her to. I know she's into a few sports but that's about it. She did mention she loves pizza and we were joking about opening our own pizza shop but eating everything. Would simply asking her out to a nice pizza place be good enough? I don't want to fuck it up and make it all awkward since we work together but she seems to be into me. She's also quite a bit younger than me.

 

[Max]

There's a girl at my work that I've never really spoken to but a month ago we had a going away party and she was there. We chatted for a bit and she seems pretty cool. She added me on facebook then to another going out thing with work people. We chatting a little but mostly silly stuff. A couple weeks later she messaged me and we got chatting again for 2 hours. Then I messaged her the next day and again a couple days later, again we ended up chatting for a while and got on really well.

I was thinking of asking her out but I'm not sure where to take her to. I know she's into a few sports but that's about it. She did mention she loves pizza and we were joking about opening our own pizza shop but eating everything. Would simply asking her out to a nice pizza place be good enough? I don't want to fuck it up and make it all awkward since we work together but she seems to be into me. She's also quite a bit younger than me.

Take her for drinks and pizza, yes.