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WCW Monday Nitro 4/24/2000
I don't know if there wasn't a Thunder or what. It wasn't included in this pack and I quick googling doesn't show results for what would be 4/19/00 Thunder. So we'll skip to Nitro.
Recap of last week's Nitro ending with Bret Hart swinging a chair as they faded to black without knowing who he was about to hit.
TO THE BACK. Sting and Vampiro are brawling in the back. Sting already beat the fuck out of Vamp two times in a row with ease, so I'm not really too hyped to see what's going on with them.
Terry Funk vs Bam Bam Big Yellow WCW Hardcore Championship
Bam Bam attacks during Funk's entrance. The Cat comes out and hits both Bam Bam and Funk. Cat is wearing a sheer and much over sized button down with a giant red ascot and I think leggings. He slips back in the ring to do a capoeira style cartwheel kick to Bam Bam who was holding a trash can. Funk pinned him after this to retain. Cat then dances after the match.
Show run down. Kidman was severely injured. We find that Bret Hart SWERVED THE WORLD and hit Hogan with the chair last week! Oh my!
Kidman and Torrie come to the ring. This is great. Kidman has his ribs taped, that's it. Hogan had broken ribs and head or some shit and had his ribs lightly taped at the PPV and nothing at all the next night on Nitro. So both of these guys have no sold death and severe internal injuries to recover in a week. Kidman proved he was more of a man than Hogan could ever handle. Kidman tells TERRY that if Hulk supplies the yellow, he'll supply the red. HIS BLOOD!
TO THE BACK. Jeff, Kim, and Eric head to the arena. Eric wonders what Kidman is thinking. Russo and Norman are talking. Vince tells Norman to find a partner and those two can take on Terry Funk at Slamboree.
Jeff Jarrett, Kim Page, and Eric Bischoff come out to do some talking. Mr. Courtney Cox is again in the front row. Jeff is going to beat DDP's ass. Eric is wearing a lapel mic for some reason. Kind of weird for an in ring promo. They call DDP out. Kim calls the crowd MARKS! Kim wants out. "Out? Out of what?" She probably means a fucking divorce, asshole. She did hit you with a guitar in front of thousands of people (and millions watching at home). Obviously she's not very happy with the marriage. DDP can't handle this and tries to cause a scene. He tries to shove the papers down Eric's mouth, kind of like when Ash goes wonky in Alien and tries to kill Ripley buy shoving a rolled up porn magazine down her throat (wtf was that all about, Ridley?). Jeff hits DDP with the guitar. Mr. Cox jumps the rail and Kanyon runs in to make the save as well. Eric is pissed and challenges David to a match. "I'm gonna 1-800 KICK YOUR BUTT!" David says if he wins, DDP will get a title match tonight IN. THE. CAAAAGGGGGEEEE!!!!!
TO THE BACK. Kronik is trying to bully Russo into a title shot tonight. They will, but only after they do something for Vince. Feels like a Wobbly H is on the way. Jeff and Eric talk. Eric's locker room is a bathroom. Sting is slowly walking around the back looking for Vampiro.
Chris Candido/Sunny vs TAFKAPI/Paisley
Sunny has a pre match promo. Something looks off about her. And something about her voice sounds off. She pulls off her robe to reveal a generic Bodydonna outfit. Because that's what the men want. We're told multiple times that we'll immediately cut to the back if Sting finds Vampiro. The fuck, Sunny randomly does a top rope body press to the floor on both men. Prince tries to suplex Tammy. This is so bad. Even the men are wrestling like managers. Sunny pins Paisley.
TO THE BACK. Sting is still looking for Vampiro.
Sting's music hits and he comes out to the ring while Skip and Sunny are still in the ring. Sting comes right out and deathdrops Skip, the Cruiserweight Champion, for no reason at all. Sting challenges Vampiro to a first blood match tonight. Skip was down in the ring for the whole promo.
TO THE BACK. DDP and Kanyon get David Cox pumped up for his match.
Team Package vs Kronik.
Wow. Lex has a terrible hair cut. It looks like he just cut his ponytail off and called it a day. Ms. Hancock comes out, Buff comes out and distracts the ref. The bell rings on accident it seems. Shane Douglas comes out on the other side and hits Flair with the bat. Kronik pin Flair. Post match, Buff and Shane lay Team Package to waste. Then they give the bats to Kronik, who dispose of Buff and Shane. I'm not sure the match itself lasted a minute.
TO THE BACK. Vamp is with Gene in a boiler room or something. Vampiro wants to shove his thumbs in Sting's eyes and he's about to have a panic attack because he's so worked up. Eric (and Kim, Mike Awesome, and Torrie) meet with Kidman in the back. After a break, all of those people are with Gene. Kidman/Awesome vs Hogan and a partner of his choice tonight. Eric will also be the special ref at Slamboree.
Mike Awesome/Kidman vs Hulk Hogan
Hogan apparently couldn't find a partner. He's wearing a zebra print bandanna and his vest that has F.U.N.B. on the back. NB stands for New Blood. You figure out the FU, brother.
AXE BOMMMMAAAAAA to Awesome. That was pretty stiff by Hogan standards. Hogan is dominating Mike Awesome. This is basically a singles match. Kidman hasn't been in the ring yet. Anytime he gets close to getting in, Hogan chases him off. Awesome finally makes a come back by punching Hogan in the face a few times with the buckle of Hulk's weight belt. Kidman is wearing a Hogan shirt. Scott Hudson says it is fitting that Kidman is wearing yellow. Madden mentions that it's a Hulk Hogan shirt, so that must make Hogan the ultimate coward. Brief double teaming, but Hogan easily comes back. This is pretty ridiculous. Kidman looks like a bitch again, which I guess is fine since he's now a tiny chickenshit heel, but Mike Awesome has been made to look like a putz. Hogan has dominated 90% of this match, even with Kidman swarming around. Hogan turns around to a chair shot from Kidman. I'd like to see him take a Mike Awesome chair shot. Hulk is now bleeding. Hogan is powerbombed through a table. Kevin Nash strolls in the back and happens to come across a monitor seeing this mess. Another table is set up. Kidman hits a top rope splash through the table and then rips the Hogan shirt off and hits the leg drop. Kidman pins Hulk Hogan! Then Torrie kisses Hogan for some reason. Kevin Nash comes down to save Da Hulksta! Torrie low blows him. Nash gets crotched on the post and Awesome smashes a chair against the previously injured leg of Nash. While Kidman and Awesome ended up standing tall in the segment, Awesome looked like a total punk for the entirety of the match. This whole thing about about turning Hulk Hogan into Steve Austin. He's now a bad ass who curses and fights anyone and wears vests with acronyms on them. And is feuding with the evil authority figure.
TO THE BACK. Eric/Kim/Jarret and DDP/Kanyon/David head to the ring.
Eric Bischoff vs David Arquette
If David wins, DDP will get a title match tonight in a cage. Eric must have had a bad few years. Remember he had abs in 1996? Now he's just a pudgy middle aged dude. David Arquette has pyro! I am jealous of Easy E's hair, though. He's got some pretty magnificant hair, even today. Eric is karate kicking and stomping away with his sweet Vespa Casuals. SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR. DAVID DOES THE WORM!
Lol. He's in a WCW movie and wrestling on Nitro, but he steals his moves from a WWF midcarder. Jeff pulls the ref out, DDP tries to hit Jeff, but hits the ref, which opens up DDP to get hit. Jeff tries to hit David with the guitar, but accidentally hits Eric. David Arquette pins Eric Bischoff! DDP will get a title match in the cage TONIGHT! Then the lights go out. Sting is hanging out watching this in the rafters. Kind of weird to cut the lights on someone else's celebration, though. I can tell you, Sting didn't appear to be very enthused.
TO THE BACK. Kanyon and Major Gunns celebrate with David Cox Arquette. On the other side, Jeff/Eric/Kim are throwing a fit.
Scott Steiner and his YAKS come out. He's got his siren music now. "Last night, at Club Caligula, I was like a roller coaster going up and down hitting switches on bitches 'till they called me the daddy. That's the big bad booty daddy. And when I kicked them out the door at a quarter past four, they
believed there was nothing finer, than Scott Steiner." SWAG like a mother fucker. JIVE ASS Booker T! He's going to stick his boot up that turkey's ass. He may have been trying to get on the bosses' good sides, but he got on Steiner's bad side. Booker comes out and says Scotty was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, but if they can't get along, they can get it on. He stops the YAKs from leaving and tells them they better not touch him, because once you go black, you never go back. Midajah slaps him. Then Book grabs both YAKs by the throat. Hmm. They brawl, but we've got to go to commercial! Last week Hogan grabbed Torrie by the throat and reared back to hit her, this week Booker chokes two YAKS at once. Maybe WCW had their faces and heels mixed up like WWE does now.
TO THE BACK. DDP gets ready for his title match. He's got a sweet Albert Einstein shirt on. Vince sadly tells Buff and Shane they have a title match against Kronik.
Kronik vs Buff/Franchise WCW Tag Team Championships
Russo is out with the champs. Buff and Shane are in street gear since they were on their way out of the building when Vince told them they had a match. What is it with wrestlers and cowboy boots? Seems like an awful lot of dudes wear cowboy boots that seem like they wouldn't. Like Buff and Scott Steiner. Buff throws the ref out of the ring, but ends up getting double chokeslammed. Then Russo hops in the ring to hit Crush with the bat. Wrath puts Russo in the Meltdown, but Shane hits Wrath with the bat. Then Nick Patrick gets back in the ring to call for a DQ and Russo DRILLS him with the bat and makes the 3 count himself. I forgot about Mark Madden stealing both SNOOTCHIE BOOTCHIES from Jay and TREMENDOUS from Cyrus. And doing RVD's pointing gimmick.
TO THE BACK. Tank is heading to the arena.
Tank is out in the ring and thinks Goldberg should change his name to Bill Ghostberg. He heads to the announcers again. They all dart away before a photographer distracts Tank. But he found his victim tonight: BOB RYDER! Jeremy Borash, Ryder's partner on WCW.com runs in the ring to try to save Bob.
Tony pronounces it in the same way JBL says Borat. The WCW.com table just happened to be at ring side tonight. He gets punched. And another internet guy gets tapped on the sternum as well.
DDP vs Jeff Jarrett WCW Championship Cage Match
Russo is out with Jarrett. DDP hid on top of the cage so he could slam the door before JJ made it in the ring. Now they're in the crowd. Finally in the cage. It goes on a few minutes before Mike Awesome comes out. I think the cage was supposed to be locked with a chain or something, because Mike was almost in and just stopped cold and stood there. He waited until DDP hit the Diamond Cutter and then all of the sudden the door wasn't on anymore. Awesome stopped the pin, but Kanyon came in and threw him into the cage and the bell rang. No one knew what was going on until DDP's music hit. DDP IS YOUR NEW WORLD CHAMPION!!! In a 5 minute cage match with a botched finish. Such is WCW. Oh man, on the replay of MOMENTS AGO, Scott Hudson said the Diamond Cutter came OUTTA NOWHERE! I lold. A replay showed the finish of Awesome kicking the door off its hinges, stopping Charles Robinson on 2, and then Robinson counting the 3 without restarting his count once Kanyon threw Awesome into the cage. Couldn't really tell from the angle they showed live.
Vampiro vs Sting First Blood Match.
There are only 4 minutes left in the show, so I expect this to be a classic. Sting doesn't take off his safety harness vest, so he looks like a member of Shield. Vamp stands on the announce table and does a taunt. BLOOD BATH. IT'S THE BROOD! Some of the New Blood come out to beat on Sting a bit. Buff slips and falls in the blood. Then they hook Sting back up to the harness and let him dangle while being drenched in blood.
Pretty pedestrian show, really. Nothing particularly exciting or bad happened, though I think the booking in the Hogan feud is really shitty. Making Kidman look like a little bitch over and over certainly isn't helping him when he was getting over as the next big face star and involving Mike Awesome only to have Hogan dominate him for 90% of the match wasn't good for him, either. Yes, they were the last ones standing, but that doesn't erase them both being Hogan's bitch during the match itself. Awesome is pretty much already just another New Blood guy. But not even one of the top ones. He's kind of Eric's hit man for now, but he's clearly on the lower tier since he doesn't have a title and isn't part of the group that comes out with Eric and Russo. He's just kind of there. 3 weeks in. He hasn't really had any kind of showcase. I think WCW took him just because he was ECW Champion and expected everyone to take him seriously in an upper mid card position without proving anything to anyone in a WCW ring. He wasn't nearly as big compared to the guys in WCW, so he just seemed like another guy. Debuted in a feud with Kevin Nash only served to take away the impact of his gimmick as a big guy who flies around, since he didn't look nearly as big standing next to Nash. His booking so far has been really counter productive.
Actually, the booking for all the New Blood members has been counter productive. They all talk about how shitty and past their prime the old guys are, yet all of them need to cheat and have interference to beat any of them. I don't think there has been a single NB member beating a MC member without interference or international object. It just makes all the old guys seem justified in sticking around and all the young guys bitching about getting their chances look like they can't hang with the old over the hill guys that should have retired or died years ago.
Also, where the fuck is Sid? And where the fuck was Bret Hart? He crushes Hogan's head with a chair last week and nothing is said by Eric, Russo, or Hogan about it this week and he no shows?
