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[besada]

So, I've been on the trileptal for two days now. If I could find the people who invented it, I would kiss their feet.

I took the first pill as soon as I filled the scrip. At the time I was miserable. I'm going through a divorce right now, but I've been depressed an anxious for more than thirty years. Since I was a child I suffered from long bouts of soul-crushing depression. I learned a lot of mental skills to deal with it, because there was very little in the way of good meds back then, and because I was afraid that people would think I was as crazy as my brother, who is also bipolar.

An hour and a half after I took the pill, I heard myself whistling as I walked through the house. I haven't whistled for years, because it's what I do when I'm not feeling anxious. I also realized that I could hear myself think without the usual chorus of negative conversations blocking out everything else.

It was like someone had flipped a switch in my brain and returned me to a time when I was a normal person, rather than someone weighed down by a million sadnesses and anxieties. I was able, for the first time since his death, to think about my father and remember the good things, rather than watching him die of cancer.

This morning, I woke up with a head full of bad wiring and a massive depression. I went and took my pill and an hour later I was okay again.

It seems like magic to me. It's now clear that the Lexapro was making things worse, not better, even though it helped a little with the anxiety. It feels like someone cleaned my head out. I can think about difficult things without getting sucked into the negative emotions connected with them again. I had to stop reading most news a couple years ago, because I'd read a terrible story and spend the rest of the day wrecked by it. I can now feel bad, without it threatening to drag me into an abyss.

So thank you, makers of trileptal, my pdoc, my counselor, and the friends who encouraged me to seek help. I know not many people get off this easily, but if you're hurt and depressed, and you're to afraid to go seek help, consider how close relief might be. It saddens me that I took so long, because it's likely cost me my marriage and some good friends. I can't change the past, but I can try to make amends and let them know that I'm no longer a black hole into which any loved poured turns sour and bitter.

And thank you, depressed GAF, for helping me by letting me read your stories.

 

[Cubsfan23]

you guys should try this, there's a lot of very positive reader comments http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6r7OZwhcqxY&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

he does a lot of other areas too that you can check out in the other videos pages.

 

[The Take Out Bandit]

Reading over this thread I'd like some insight - what is your usual anxiety attack like?

I regularly freak out over my mortality. Badly.

Last week I was feeling super out of it and whacked this tract of text together for posting. I've been sitting on it, but I'll suck it down and post it up as the whiner screed underscores a lot of the reasons why my outlook on life is becoming more and more bleak:

No self esteem.

This is a constant, and I can generally deal with it. It’s the other factors that contribute to the depression dog pile.

No safety.

A few years back after being intimidated for the final time by a marauding pack of thugs wielding golf clubs on a walk back from the grocery store, I gave up on leaving my house.

Prior to that incident I was walking home from Sea Manky’s home one night around midnight. Take into consideration, I’ve lived here all my life and walked these streets most of it. I remember when this used to be a blue collar community. It was never a fancy suburb, just a neighborhood close to the industrial part of town with a lot of available nice housing. I was walking back that night and I see a pack of six guys walking my way.

I step to the right to give them clearance.

One of them walks from around the left side of the pack and shoulders me looking to start an altercation. Really? It’s the dead of night, six of you - one of me? How stupid do you think I am? I should be thankful the jerks didn’t just jump me outright, but this is already after several vicious beatings and one death caused by the victim’s head fracturing on concrete.

Even in broad daylight walking back from a Polish Constitution Parade a friend was assaulted by a minor. We were walking back home and talking and I hear this SMACK and I turn to my left and see my buddy bolting down the street after this kid. I’m tailing him and keeping an eye on the rest of the little hoodlums. Most of the kids sought refuge in a nearby house.

Meanwhile the woman who runs the nearby funeral home heard the ruckus and called the police for us. Of course since the little bastard was a minor the police were unwilling to offer any assistance / juvenile penalty.

A nice bar opened in my neighborhood on the border of a safer neighboring community, a community which advised it’s citizens not to come into my community after dark back in 2005. If I swing by there for dinner and a drink after work I’m on edge. I’m waiting for some thug to come in and stick up the place or just shoot it up because we’re still in the Wild Wild West or Iraq in this neighborhood.

Now I go to work. Come home and stay indoors. Gun related crime and general violence is at an all time high in my neighborhood and I just don’t feel safe leaving my house to do anything. The terrorists have won. I’m terrorized.

No energy.

I used to cycle every morning before work. I enjoyed cycling and it felt good. I would cycle for a good couple of miles and keep my energy high and my weight down.

Since I no longer feel safe and don’t leave the house, I’m just packing on the pounds. Since I have no energy I find it hard to maintain a normal sleep schedule and wake up early and go for a walk in the park. I’m really unmotivated to drive some place I won’t be accosted to get exercise when 15 years ago I could just hop on my bike and pedal right here.

In addition to this, a spinal injury is really hurting because of the extra weight. Now I’m more often in some state of persistent pain in my lower back and recently, my upper back / base of my neck.

No money.

I’m a complete financial f*ck up. I buy things I do not need to excess. I just don’t have a good delayed satisfaction habit. Spending is the endorphin rush I need to make myself feel good temporarily, but then it passes and I know I’ve purchased something I didn’t need and I’m still stuck in the same bad community.

I need to get this under control if I’m ever going to get the hell out of here. I need to get my financial feet under me so I can get out of town and do it without falling flat on my face. I’m barely getting by on a decent salary while living in the ghetto because of my horrible spending habits.

I worked hard to get back into the field I manage to flourish in financially. I’m sure some folks may have read the back and forth between myself and other posters in another thread about white privilege and it’s role in my life. My point there was that low income persons, no matter the race don’t feel much of anything when you’re constantly struggling to make ends meet or always feeling that you can easily be replaced.

No hope.

Because I have no self worth I can’t see myself succeeding. I have a very good job given I have no formal education, and it’s a sure thing. If I move I’m losing that. I’m losing the benefits so that I can go to the emergency room when I’m experiencing chest pains and not get hit with a $1,500 bill.

I used to have a comic studio set up in my house 14 years ago. For my friends and I to get together and draw. I like being social, I like the quiet competitive nature a studio fostered. It was me and two other friends.

One got annoyed because after working on my pages I’d go and play Playstation (1 that’s how far back this was) with folks who would come over to talk and socialize while we were working. He eventually stopped coming over, which was a bummer because he was a huge motivator.

The third person wasn’t very energetic or competitive. I would try to pick random subjects and have everybody draw it and come back with it next week. He regularly opted out of these. He didn’t want the challenge. It reached a point where he was still coming over, but would just fall asleep on the drafting table. Literally asleep on the table. Head down. Snoring.

At that point I just said screw it. There was no longer any synergy so it was time to call it quits.

Even with the horsing around that time was when I managed to produce my first long form published work. It’s not the greatest thing ever (in fact I don’t normally speak of it because it’s quite embarrassing), but it’s a personal milestone. So was it really that bad?

I need to shower quickly, because if I spend too much time alone thinking I drift back to the inevitable. When I’m dead and the nothingness I feel drowning out every second, every breath I take - gone, every memory - gone, every thing I do and achieve - gone. I’ll freak out and start wailing / screaming in the shower, jumping in place, punching the wall, or striking myself to feel. Feeling is being alive. Feeling nothing is death.

At night I go to sleep with the TV so that I can drift off without hearing the void whispering it’s terrible promise to me.

Sorry if this comes off as whiny or nutty. I know Hito has joked about not banning me for fear of me murdering my neighbors, but I appreciate it because this forum is an outlet. Since my friends have married and / or moved off to safer parts of the State I really don’t get a good amount of social interaction, or at least the level I require with persons I know to blow off steam and bounce ideas / topics off of. I really do try. I try to visit friends or have friends over when they’re free from work and family obligations, but I miss the good old days of everybody getting together to chat and socialize with our common interests - and not the current status of petty disagreement between them or their spouse so now nobody can have any damned fun.

I screwed up. I missed the step in life where I meet somebody who can put up with me and take the job as my wife / constant life companion, as we crap out a couple of kids (pass along that death sentence yay), and die a few years apart leaving the other old, feeble, and horribly depressed.

This is pretty much the culmination of the last eleven years of my adult life, excluding the trials and tribulations of surviving this State during two recessions and it’s harsh winters. Alcohol really “helped” during those periods.

I’ll leave this here - feeling like the King of Forever Alone Depressed GAF. =_=;

I’m struggling at making the changes, but it’s real damn hard.

Moving would probably help me get a better outlook on life instead of locking myself indoors like Neville in I Am Legend.

 

[Admiral Bone to Pick]

I had horrible, crippling depression and anxiety as a teenager. My dad is a huge introvert and my mom is a naturally anxious person. When put together, it wasn't a good combination. I used to think there was something wrong with me. That everyone thought I was ugly and didn't even want to look at me. That they laughed at me in public just for walking the wrong way or looking funny. I used to think that I was just weird and I always wondered why some people even wanted to be my friend. I often skipped school because I was anxious about trivial shit like not having anyone to eat lunch with.

I really feel for a lot of you and I know what it's like to be in a depressive state. It took a lot of effort for me to break my depression and anxiety and I feel like I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life right now. If I could do it, ANY of you can do it. Never give up. And if anyone wants some help/advice or someone to talk you, I'd be glad to help.

 

[xelios]

Edit: Resolved the issue.

 

[besada]

Have you considered talking to her and explaining that you found the movie to be very offensive, particularly considering your history? That it set off within you the same emotions, the same shame you felt when you were younger?

I know for me, until I got on the new meds, thinking of past difficulties, including my molestation as a child, brought back the entirety of the emotions I had felt originally. It always felt if I was living through it again. Like a victim of PTSD (which, I guess is what we both are to an extent) I kept re-experiencing those terrible emotions every time I ever looked at the problems in my past, which made it nearly impossible to deal with them on a therapeutic level.

If they can't understand that, and how the movie they played was a trigger for you, then maybe you need to find a different program anyway. You deserve to be treated with respect, even by people who hold themselves out as professionals. The first therapist I met was a super asshole, and I walked away from him, even though I was desperate for help and suicidal, because no matter how awful you feel, you're still a human being and deserving of respectful treatment.

 

[Visualante]

If anyone has experience with like, motivation problems or social exile. That kind of ball park shoot me a PM if you'd like to discuss how to deal with it. Or post some links, I don't really feel comfortable broadcasting my problems online.

 

[smokeymicpot]

This year hasn't really been a good year. Sort of kicked my ass mostly every day until recently. I decided to move. To get a new start thankfully I am moving somewhere I have some family located. Will be nice to see them more often. Guess the main reason why I am moving is because of the new start. I do not like where I am now living home not liking it. Now that I have plans to move next week I actually feel happy and excited about it. Chances are it will be the same after a few weeks but I can give a shitless. Will be nice being happy again. Not having to deal with all the fears out here that I have. Guess you can say I have social problems at times. Everyone knows each other out here since that plays in my head it worries me. That is gonna change very soon. Just time to do something new. Different chapter of a long awesome tale.

 

[speedline]

Sometimes I find myself on the edge of sabotaging my marriage because I'm not really sure my wife loves me or not. She doesn't really give me a reason to believe that, but I will take things too personally sometimes. I know it's probably because I don't love myself, but I can't seem to shake the notion that she will up and leave me. It's like i expect it to happen so I'm doing the whole self fulfilled prophecy thing :/

I've never considered myself attractive enough to have a beautiful wife that other men desire, but I do. Her friends are the popular girls that love to play with men's emotions and shit, it pisses me off and I let her know it. I do not impress her friends at all and they are always quite surprised when they meet me. I'm not a hunk like the guys they chase apparently.

I don't like facing life sometimes, I don't think I deserve to be happy, basically I think my wife wants what her friends want :/

 

[Visualante]

Sometimes I find myself on the edge of sabotaging my marriage because I'm not really sure my wife loves me or not. She doesn't really give me a reason to believe that, but I will take things too personally sometimes. I know it's probably because I don't love myself, but I can't seem to shake the notion that she will up and leave me. It's like i expect it to happen so I'm doing the whole self fulfilled prophecy thing :/

I've never considered myself attractive enough to have a beautiful wife that other men desire, but I do. Her friends are the popular girls that love to play with men's emotions and shit, it pisses me off and I let her know it. I do not impress her friends at all and they are always quite surprised when they meet me. I'm not a hunk like the guys they chase apparently.

I don't like facing life sometimes, I don't think I deserve to be happy, basically I think my wife wants what her friends want :/

Aw, well I love it when less than perfect guys get really beautiful waifus. Made me smile a bit.
You definitely shouldn't sabotage it, you should try and talk to her and let her know how you feel. If your suspicions are so right she'll probably tell you when you're engaged in such a discussion? Definitely don't blow it though, I mean how many girls like that come along?

 

[zankara]

If anyone has experience with like, motivation problems or social exile. That kind of ball park shoot me a PM if you'd like to discuss how to deal with it. Or post some links, I don't really feel comfortable broadcasting my problems online.

This is me. I haven't quite figured out a solution yet.

 

[Visualante]

This is me. I haven't quite figured out a solution yet.

atm I'm just trying to keep myself busy. Even if it's not working towards some greater life goal.. just doing bits and bobs and breaking the routine of existence makes it a bit more bearable. Makes my body feel like it has some purpose at least even if my mind doesn't.

 

[zankara]

atm I'm just trying to keep myself busy. Even if it's not working towards some greater life goal.. just doing bits and bobs and breaking the routine of existence makes it a bit more bearable. Makes my body feel like it has some purpose at least even if my mind doesn't.

Yeah, I know what you mean. My problem is that I feel trapped by life. I don't enjoy it and everytime I have tried to improve my situation it has failed.
I have just started some new medication and also cognitive behaviour therapy for my social anxiety. Hopefully this will help, otherwise I have no idea what to do.

 

[fragilebroken]

I'm somewhere between refusing to eat because I so hate my body and eating whatever whenever for no reason because getting skinny seems so hopeless anyway. I'm currently drooling over Emily Browning in Sucker Punch and she's so fit and I'm so not and it feels like I never could be, so why bother. Then I see a recent picture of myself and am struck by another overwhelming wave of self-loathing which immediately leads to "so stop eating, cow!" Only I KNOW it's the worst solution and not really a solution at all, but I also know it gets results, at least temporarily. Really, it's just exchanging one problem for another.

 

[BruiserBear]

I've been an anxious person all my life, and it got really out of control a couple years ago. I began seeing a psychologist/therapist, and this went on for months. I improved slightly, but was still very anxious and couldn't really control it.


I was on an anxiety forum, and saw someone mention a book for Dr Claire Weekes. I checked out the Amazon listing, and was immediately impressed with the reviews. I should state that I'm a skeptic by nature, so I don't consider myself easily persuaded, but these reviews were enlightening. People on the forum also talked highly of her, so I ordered up the book. I also ordered her audio CD, in which she talks about anxiety and overcoming it.


Within 30 minutes of beginning that CD I knew I was going to get better. This woman "got it". It was literally like listening to a magician explain a trick you were completely fooled by. Because that is what anxiety does to you. It fools you, it lies to you. Depression shares a lot with anxiety, and they are interlinked.

Within a week of reading that book and listening to that CD, repeatedly, I went back to my therapist and kind of gave the guy a piece of my mind. I said "Why is it that I've been seeing you for months, and yet this woman basically revealed everything I had ever wondered about my anxiety in an hour?". I was pissed.

After reading her book, and walking myself through the process of recovering, I feel like she has all the answers for anxiety. She literally knows the "code" if you will, that allows people to fall into the trap of anxiety, and to some degree depression. I'm still an anxious person, and I always will be. I believe it's the way I'm wired, but she teaches you how to not fall down the rabbit hole where it begins to damage your happiness and joy. I get anxious thoughts now, and I can usually just brush them off like a fly landing on my arm.


Here are the Amazon links if you're interested. The book is awesomely cheap, but I also recommend the CD, as this lady knows what she is talking about and is a compelling speaker when talking about anxiety and how it can be defeated.

The book
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0451167228/?tag=neogaf0e-20


The CD
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1565119703/?tag=neogaf0e-20


You know the craziest thing about this woman? The part that blew my mind when heard it? This woman wrote this book and recorded this audio CD back in the 60's. She figured out the Rubik's Cube before most people had even heard of it. She is a God in the psychology field IMO. I was sad to learn she died in 1990. If I could meet her in person I would love to personally thank her for her genius.

Feel free to PM if you have further questions about her advice, or anything else.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I used to think there was something wrong with me. That everyone thought I was ugly and didn't even want to look at me. That they laughed at me in public just for walking the wrong way or looking funny. I used to think that I was just weird and I always wondered why some people even wanted to be my friend. I often skipped school because I was anxious about trivial shit like not having anyone to eat lunch with.

Are you me?

 

[Az987]

It's been a week since I lowered my Abilify from 10 to 5 mg. I feel ok but I keep getting this light headed feeling. I think I might call my doctor to see if that's normal

 

[Admiral Bone to Pick]

Are you me?

Not generally a fan of memes, but...

I know that feel bro. It's the worst.

About a year ago, I was walking through the theater to see Toy Story 3, and on both sides of me there were just various groups of teens and other people laughing and having a good time. And for some reason, I thought they were ALL laughing at me. My thoughts were racing on what was wrong with my appearance. My hair? My shoes? My Ghana jersey? What was I doing wrong?

After a giant anxiety attack, I realized that there was something seriously wrong with me. That my anxiety was crippling me and stopping me from enjoying even the most basic things. That it had been that way for much of my life. I decided to make a change. I started actually wearing my glasses (and seeing the world), and I learned to accept myself for all my flaws. At first, whenever someone laughed in public, I had to convince myself I was above them ("who cares if they're laughing at me, they're just stupid."). Eventually, I accepted that most people don't really give a shit about me or what I do. It was the biggest relief ever. I started to leave my safety zone and my life rewarded me for it in so many ways.

I've been through many of the problems mentioned in this thread, and I've come to terms with the chemical balances (or imbalances) that I was born with. And I never make excuses for myself and who I am or should be from a personality test. Sorry if that offends anyone, but you may be less of an introvert than you realize (and vice versa).

And again, feel free to PM me if you want someone to talk to. I'd love to help.

I'm somewhere between refusing to eat because I so hate my body and eating whatever whenever for no reason because getting skinny seems so hopeless anyway. I'm currently drooling over Emily Browning in Sucker Punch and she's so fit and I'm so not and it feels like I never could be, so why bother. Then I see a recent picture of myself and am struck by another overwhelming wave of self-loathing which immediately leads to "so stop eating, cow!" Only I KNOW it's the worst solution and not really a solution at all, but I also know it gets results, at least temporarily. Really, it's just exchanging one problem for another.

Sorry for how you feel. I was never very fat, but I was always a chubby kid and weighed much more than my peers. You may believe that you can't get skinny, but you DEFINITELY can. If you need some help, talk to the people at the GAF Weight Loss thread. This was my favorite thread back when I was a lurker, and it inspired me to lose 20 pounds. They're not personal planners or anything, but they'll help with suggestions on a diet and possible workout plan to get you in the best shape of your life. The pictures are also awesome, and great to look at whenever you feel weak in your weight loss journey. Just remember, giving up is the worst thing you can do.

 

[speedline]

Aw, well I love it when less than perfect guys get really beautiful waifus. Made me smile a bit.
You definitely shouldn't sabotage it, you should try and talk to her and let her know how you feel. If your suspicions are so right she'll probably tell you when you're engaged in such a discussion? Definitely don't blow it though, I mean how many girls like that come along?

Man, I had a long talk with my wife last night and I told her of my insecurity. She was so open and loving about the whole thing. She was quite shocked that I even felt insecure at all and said if she wasn't totally in love with me she would have never married me. She said I've given her a secure life and treat her with respect, all her friends are actually envious of her, lol. They get treated like shit from so many failed douche-bag relationships that they feel no good men are left. Good luck to all of the "boring" guys out there, chicks dig us more than you think!

 

[Tomat]

My doc wants me to go see a specialist but I've been giving it some though and I really don't think I want to go see him. Ran out of my anti-depressent about two weeks ago (I know cold turkey is bad, but the withdrawal effects are starting to go away now) and haven't phoned in a refill since my doc was expecting me to go see the specialist.

Still on the fence about it, but Im considering just talking to my normal doctor to get a refill on my current scip or trying another anti-depressent or something else.

Oddly enough though I do feel alright without the medicine. I still have anxiety issues, but my anti-depressents never helped with that in the first place.

Any advice GAF?

 

[revolverjgw]

Reading over this thread I'd like some insight - what is your usual anxiety attack like?

I regularly freak out over my mortality. Badly.

Last week I was feeling super out of it and whacked this tract of text together for posting. I've been sitting on it, but I'll suck it down and post it up as the whiner screed underscores a lot of the reasons why my outlook on life is becoming more and more bleak:



Moving would probably help me get a better outlook on life instead of locking myself indoors like Neville in I Am Legend.

I see no mention of you seeking professional help, be it meds or a shrink or whatever. Have you ever tried anything like that? Maybe your job can cover it.

(recommending this because you sound a bit like me, and I know I should do this and keep planning to, but I never go through with it)

 

[Kuraudo]

Finally went back to the doctor about my depression/anxiety. Discussed a lot of the symptoms I'd been having (headaches, blurred vision, dizziness, tiredness) and discussed how I have no self-esteem at the moment, feel stressed out at work, just generally unhappy with my life at the moment.

She put me back on SSRIs (citalopram this time), which I hate and have never lasted more than a few days on. Figured I'd try to stick them as my enjoyment of life was awful. She also had some blood tests done on the "off chance" it was something else making me feel low.

They came back and it turns out I have an overactive thyroid, which matches a lot of other symptoms I never thought much of (pins and needles, diarrhea, sore throats and ears).

Been feeling shit for a couple of years and it's been getting progressively worse. It's a huge relief to find out it's something physical which can be treated and not just all in my head.


I'm a little worried that this will come across like I'm boasting to genuinely depressed folks, but I think it's worth posting in case anyone else is feeling low and has just been given drugs in the first instance without all physical possibilities being ruled out first.

 

[xelios]

Been feeling shit for a couple of years and it's been getting progressively worse. It's a huge relief to find out it's something physical which can be treated and not just all in my head.

Both can be treated but yeah, I'm glad you found that out and wish you the best.

Also people who aren't taking their anti-depressants ~4-6 weeks or so usually don't know if they work or not. They always made me worse or out of control, which makes sense now that I know I'm bipolar. Mood stabilizers/atypical anti-psychotics/anti-convulsants kicked in like magic for me. Still have my bad moments because of the borderline but I have drastically less bad days than before my new diagnoses and med changes.

 

[Amory]

I've got some minor depression (especially during the summer) and some moderate anxiety pretty much all the time. My doctor told me to try St. John's wort to try to stave it off without going on any hardcore medication. I've heard it's commonly prescribed in Europe but not so much here in the US (probably because there's not much profit in it for anyone...)

Anyone ever try it? Does it work at all? I ordered some the other day and it should get here tomorrow, so I'm going to at least try it out. Stuff is cheap and there's some proven science behind it.

 

[ElectricBlanketFire]

I'm currently getting off of Cymbalta...

I'm pooping a lot...

 

[xelios]

I've got some minor depression (especially during the summer) and some moderate anxiety pretty much all the time. My doctor told me to try St. John's wort to try to stave it off without going on any hardcore medication. I've heard it's commonly prescribed in Europe but not so much here in the US (probably because there's not much profit in it for anyone...)

Anyone ever try it? Does it work at all? I ordered some the other day and it should get here tomorrow, so I'm going to at least try it out. Stuff is cheap and there's some proven science behind it.

I'm assuming by Dr. you don't mean psychiatrist, or at least a competent one, since St. John's wort is useless for depression and anxiety. Hope you feel better though. If it doesn't work see a doctor that specializes in mental illness. It doesn't mean they'll put you on all kinds of meds; there is a lot of proven therapy available for general anxiety.

 

[Dipper145]

I've been depressed off and on for the past 4 years, recently getting help a year ago and felt much better. Reading threads about depression make me feel better because it helps to know I'm not alone. I've been on cipralex(lexapro/escitalopram) for around a year now, and have changed my dose a couple times throughout, I'm on 20mg now per day, and I feel like recently my depression has been getting worse, although my anxiety is still significantly better, but that could just be because I worked quite hard on becoming more confident. I'm planning on making an appointment to see my doctor to see if I can get on a different anti-anxiety/depressant because I've heard being on one for a long period reduces effectiveness of it. I just don't really know my options, and even though I know everything effects people differently I'd like to know any personal experiences with other types of medications, and any recommendations. I'd like to have some ideas to bring up with my doctor and ask for his opinion on them as well and see what he thinks would be best for me.

My depression has definitely been having an effect on my relationship, although I try not to make my girlfriend have to deal with my issues or know about any completely unreasonable doubts I have about us/her. I don't want her to feel like she's throwing her love into a void that doesn't feel any happiness, and I don't want my depression to make her life worse because she means a lot to me. I just want to be happy...

I'm assuming by Dr. you don't mean psychiatrist, or at least a competent one, since St. John's wort is useless for depression and anxiety. Hope you feel better though. If it doesn't work see a doctor that specializes in mental illness. It doesn't mean they'll put you on all kinds of meds; there is a lot of proven therapy available for general anxiety.

Well when I last looked into it the studies had shown that it's actually better then a placebo for treatment of depression. Of course if your depression stems from something like anxiety it will treat just the symptom and not the cause as that anxiety will still be there.

I have heard that it has some sort of negative effect on your body if you use it in the summer because of the sunlight. Something to do with free-radicals and cancer or something? Not sure though...

 

[Piano]

My doc wants me to go see a specialist but I've been giving it some though and I really don't think I want to go see him. Ran out of my anti-depressent about two weeks ago (I know cold turkey is bad, but the withdrawal effects are starting to go away now) and haven't phoned in a refill since my doc was expecting me to go see the specialist.

Still on the fence about it, but Im considering just talking to my normal doctor to get a refill on my current scip or trying another anti-depressent or something else.

Oddly enough though I do feel alright without the medicine. I still have anxiety issues, but my anti-depressents never helped with that in the first place.

Any advice GAF?

Why don't you want to go see a specialist?

 

[Amory]

My doc wants me to go see a specialist but I've been giving it some though and I really don't think I want to go see him. Ran out of my anti-depressent about two weeks ago (I know cold turkey is bad, but the withdrawal effects are starting to go away now) and haven't phoned in a refill since my doc was expecting me to go see the specialist.

Still on the fence about it, but Im considering just talking to my normal doctor to get a refill on my current scip or trying another anti-depressent or something else.

Oddly enough though I do feel alright without the medicine. I still have anxiety issues, but my anti-depressents never helped with that in the first place.

Any advice GAF?

Shouldn't ever stop taking your meds cold turkey like that. Which basically anyone will tell you, because it's true. You're supposed to taper off of that shit.

I'll tell you my experience with a specialist, as I used to go to see one quite regularly. The guy was awesome. We'd sit and talk about whatever was bothering me at the time, or instances of acute anxiety that had come up since the last time we met. He'd just let me talk for a while, and then offer some insightful advice and let me know that my problems weren't uncommon. Then we'd discuss medication options and he'd always make sure I was comfortable with the type of medicine and the dosage.

Really pleasant experience. I would've kept going to the guy but unfortunately he worked for the university I went to (betcha you can guess which one) and wasn't available after graduation. My advice would be to definitely try it out once or twice, you might be surprised at how helpful it is.

 

[fragilebroken]

Looks like I'm a few medical tests away from induced seizures a la ECT. I need a physical to say I'm healthy enough to be tortured, some lab work, and an EKG, then it goes to the nurse who deals with the insurance authorization. I hate phone calls, and dealing with all the medical bureaucracy to get shit like this done, but shit's gotta get done.

 

[speedline]

I've got some minor depression (especially during the summer) and some moderate anxiety pretty much all the time. My doctor told me to try St. John's wort to try to stave it off without going on any hardcore medication. I've heard it's commonly prescribed in Europe but not so much here in the US (probably because there's not much profit in it for anyone...)

Anyone ever try it? Does it work at all? I ordered some the other day and it should get here tomorrow, so I'm going to at least try it out. Stuff is cheap and there's some proven science behind it.

Yes, you should try it. I take it and even if it is a placebo effect, it's the result that i want so who cares. My dad took it all his adult life and swore by it, the "its all good pill". If you have mild depression, then yes it wouldn't hurt to try before getting into neurological drugs.

 

[Vazra]

I have had depression since I was 16. I never took treatment about it and probably never will.

I'm having an episode right now but I know I can handle things well so I guess everything will be fine as usual.

 

[Peagles]

Not sure if it's been posted, but I really like this book, as either a compliment to therapy or to use on your own: Mind Over Mood

Fake edit: And it's actually really cool to work through even if you aren't having issues, just to get a bit of insight into how you think.

 

[Snkfanatic]

Yes, you should try it. I take it and even if it is a placebo effect, it's the result that i want so who cares. My dad took it all his adult life and swore by it, the "its all good pill". If you have mild depression, then yes it wouldn't hurt to try before getting into neurological drugs.

Do you have a recommend brand? I may give this a shot...

Thanks

 

[Stridone]

Fuck depression man, worst thing in the world. I'm no longer depressed, got there by making some big changes in my life (finally got rid of my girlfriend, started forcing myself to think more positively about stuff to get out of the negative spiral, learning to live in the moment, thinking about my ambitions in life and finding new passions).

Hang in there and try to make some HUGE changes in your life. You having nothing to lose, fuck the comfort zone and make the changes you need. Force yourself. Move to another city if you have to.. Probably not applicable for everyone, as some people may have genuine chemical imbalances, but you need to make big changes to get out of big depressions. I know what it's like to feel like there is no hope at all, but it will get better.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

Currently stressed and depressed. Might be homeless in less than 2 weeks and currently living in a place the size of a walk-in closet, lost most of my possessions and my friend just pretty much backstabbed me, even after he knew what I was going through. I really don't want to be alive at this moment. I really have no words...

 

[way more]

My doc wants me to go see a specialist but I've been giving it some though and I really don't think I want to go see him. Ran out of my anti-depressent about two weeks ago (I know cold turkey is bad, but the withdrawal effects are starting to go away now) and haven't phoned in a refill since my doc was expecting me to go see the specialist.

Still on the fence about it, but Im considering just talking to my normal doctor to get a refill on my current scip or trying another anti-depressent or something else.

Any advice GAF?

For your sake please try this. It is not uncommon and it may even be the norm that people have to switch their anti-depressants at least once to find the proper fit. I hope seen the doctor since you posted. It's a bad idea to be making big decisions on your own after going "off" meds.

Also, I'm a little dissapointed in the way meds are portrayed in this thread. The idea that they are scary or that they will "zombie" you is just antiquated hysteria from our parents generation. There are a number of creative, successful people that take anti-depressants who just stay on them because they are cheap and safe. They really only affect you when you are very depressed. Otherwise most studies say they are no more helpful than any placebo.

 

[besada]

Any advice GAF?

Go see the specialist, who is hopefully a psychiatrist. My doctor prescribed me Lexapro, but it turns out I'm bipolar and Lexapro can make it worse. You wouldn't take your gaming console to a radio repairman, so why trust a general practitioner with your brain?

If, like I was, you're worried that if you open your mouth and say the wrong thing you'll wind up committed, that's a pretty baseless fear (and you can always just not say the thing that makes you afraid). If you're afraid they're going to put a name on you that you don't like, consider that once they understand what's going on it may be more effectively treatable.

I refused to see a psychiatrist for two decades. All it cost me was my career, my wife, and most of my friends.

 

[Barbacoatl]

Currently stressed and depressed. Might be homeless in less than 2 weeks and currently living in a place the size of a walk-in closet, lost most of my possessions and my friend just pretty much backstabbed me, even after he knew what I was going through. I really don't want to be alive at this moment. I really have no words...

Just take comfort in the fact that many of us want to evaporate from the face of earth. You're not alone.

 

[besada]

Currently stressed and depressed. Might be homeless in less than 2 weeks and currently living in a place the size of a walk-in closet, lost most of my possessions and my friend just pretty much backstabbed me, even after he knew what I was going through. I really don't want to be alive at this moment. I really have no words...

Sorry to hear it. I've spent a long time feeling that way. For the last ten years I've been eagerly awaiting a cancer diagnosis or a heart attack, so I could be done without hurting my loved ones. It's a terrible feeling.

I got lucky with a new diagnosis and new meds, but I know it's rarely that easy for most people. I wish I had better words, because I know that "Hang in there!" doesn't come close to being useful. I know it feels like there's no hope left, that every day is going to be like this one forever. All I can say is that sometimes you get lucky and someone hands you a reprieve. The only guarantee I can give, though, is that there's no reprieve once you're gone.

If you need to chat, feel free to PM me.

 

[Visualante]

Man, I had a long talk with my wife last night and I told her of my insecurity. She was so open and loving about the whole thing. She was quite shocked that I even felt insecure at all and said if she wasn't totally in love with me she would have never married me. She said I've given her a secure life and treat her with respect, all her friends are actually envious of her, lol. They get treated like shit from so many failed douche-bag relationships that they feel no good men are left. Good luck to all of the "boring" guys out there, chicks dig us more than you think!

Glad it went well! Awesome.

 

[Tomat]

I seriously appreciate the advice GAF.

I still haven't seen the doctor but I did order a refill on my current medicine, so I'll be taking it again. Side-effect/withdrawal wise I feel fine now (no more light headed-ness or anything). It's not that I'm afraid of taking medicine either, but this is the third anti-depressent my current doctor has put me on, and in my opinion, none of them have done anything for me. It's frustrating.

I'm not the worst off person, and I'm not suicidal either, I just have some very irrational anxiety issues that keep me from doing things that other people seem to take care of no problem (Applying for jobs, being more social, etc). I feed off of this anxiety and that's what depresses me.

As for the reason I've not seen the specialist, I'm a little skeptical. I'm starting to not like my current doctor that much since every visit is a 20 minutes way, 5 minute visit where he basically writes me off and gives me a new pill. The specialist he recommended is apparently a friend of his, so I'm a little wary. I'm not putting all the blame on him though, I really should have said something to him by now about these short visits. I'm well aware I can't take all his time, but something a little more than a quick 5 minutes (sometimes it feels like less) can't hurt.

I have a feeling I'll end up going to see the specialist anyway, probably sometime next week.

 

[duk]

Wow this is pretty sad, I hope all gets better for those that have these types of issues.

 

[besada]

I have a feeling I'll end up going to see the specialist anyway, probably sometime next week.

What's weird is that it took all of about twenty minutes for my psychiatrist to diagnose me and deliver the meds that have radically changed my internal life. He saw immediately what my regular GP couldn't see, which is that my anxiety was really hypomania, with obsessive thoughts and pressured speech, which led into a lifetime of major depressive episodes.

I filled out a huge diagnostic profile before I went in, argued with him when he suggested bipolar, and then he casually described the contents of my head, and I recognized every single thing he said. So I tried the meds, and it was like someone flipped a switch in my head. I was amazingly lucky.

 

[RPGCrazied]

I don't have it worse like some of you, taking medication or what not. I use to get depressed all the time. I use to cry like every other day. Just the incredibly lonely feeling I get. I have 0 friends, my family literally hates the fact I'm gay. So the only social portal I have is the internet. Which really isn't a good thing, cause that means I'm in my room 24/7.

I don't have a job, I live with my Mom and it just seems like my life is getting worse. I don't have a car, and the fact I'm 34 isn't helping matters either. It's like I'm 13 all over again. I get a lot of crap over the job thing, but its not that easy with no car in this small ass town. Sorry for the rant, it feels good to vent sometimes. Yes, even to strangers. The people called my family really don't want to hear it. The only new thing I'm doing is working out and that seems to help somewhat, but still doesn't help with the lonely thing.

 

[SolKane]

I just got back from vacation and feel worse than I did before leaving. I guess it's because I'm returning to my shitty situation, it's like when a prisoner gets a furlough and then has to return to prison after experiencing the outside world. Although honestly it was hard to even enjoy my vacation because these things were on my mind the entire time, the disappointment I'd eventually face after returning home. Now I'm back to my familiar triangle of boredom, loneliness and depression and it's hard to cope with. I sincerely hate my life and regret so many things about it already. I feel like I fucked up colossally and I'm not sure if I'm more angry at a system that let me make such poor decisions (including my family who didn't have shit for me in the way of guidance) or myself for lacking the strength of will to do something worthwhile.

 

[SpartanForce]

I am taking only Valdoxan 25mg for bipolar disorder. In a weird way, it feels good.

 

[xelios]

That's an odd treatment. I'm guessing you're more toward the cyclothymia end of bipolar if that was suggested and works for you.

 

[SpartanForce]

That's an odd treatment. I'm guessing you're more toward the cyclothymia end of bipolar if that was suggested and works for you.

yeah, mine is cyclothymia.
but I am taking this on my on... the former was together with seroquel but fuck that med. Just pure hell. Gonna look for another doctor, but I am taking this med only and it feels good (2 weeks with only this)

 

[SolKane]

I don't have it worse like some of you, taking medication or what not. I use to get depressed all the time. I use to cry like every other day. Just the incredibly lonely feeling I get. I have 0 friends, my family literally hates the fact I'm gay. So the only social portal I have is the internet. Which really isn't a good thing, cause that means I'm in my room 24/7.

I don't have a job, I live with my Mom and it just seems like my life is getting worse. I don't have a car, and the fact I'm 34 isn't helping matters either. It's like I'm 13 all over again. I get a lot of crap over the job thing, but its not that easy with no car in this small ass town. Sorry for the rant, it feels good to vent sometimes. Yes, even to strangers. The people called my family really don't want to hear it. The only new thing I'm doing is working out and that seems to help somewhat, but still doesn't help with the lonely thing.

I know what it's like, I'm in a similar situation as you except I'm straight. It's a very difficult to be unemployed and living with family. And I'm so embarrassed it's impossible for me to even meet people (not that there are any people around me who are the same age or have similar interests), so I feel very isolated.