Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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Alpha-Bromega
Member
read the Gospel of John! my depression got real lessened for some reason, i don't believe in the Lord at all, but the Gospels really helped me out. makes you a better person.
The hollow feeling i just got used to, and my advice is to remind oneself 'you aren't entitled to be happy', as that fact alone drove me insane in the days of wanting to blow my fucking brains out.
"why aren't i happy? everyone else is aren't they!" "I'm broken!"
blah blah, we weren't made to be happy, it's a biological fact. it's a social fact. accepting that fact alone makes depression easier to cope with, it has for me. i haven't been suicidal in quite some time, i'm not happy, i'm not even content, but i've accepted that is a delusion and a distraction.
The hollow feeling i just got used to, and my advice is to remind oneself 'you aren't entitled to be happy', as that fact alone drove me insane in the days of wanting to blow my fucking brains out.
"why aren't i happy? everyone else is aren't they!" "I'm broken!"
blah blah, we weren't made to be happy, it's a biological fact. it's a social fact. accepting that fact alone makes depression easier to cope with, it has for me. i haven't been suicidal in quite some time, i'm not happy, i'm not even content, but i've accepted that is a delusion and a distraction.
Bowflex
The fact that anyone supports Hillary boggles my mind... I have tested between 130-160 on IQ tests
The biggest lie ever told was that "depression is an illness." This is propaganda circulated by pharmaceutical companies to get you to buy drugs that will ultimately harm you, leaving you much worse than you were before.
I whole-heartedly recommend that everyone read Ernest Becker's The Denial of Death.
"The basic premise of The Denial of Death is that human civilization is ultimately an elaborate, symbolic defense mechanism against the knowledge of our mortality, which in turn acts as the emotional and intellectual response to our basic survival mechanism. Becker argues that a basic duality in human life exists between the physical world of objects and a symbolic world of human meaning. Thus, since man has a dualistic nature consisting of a physical self and a symbolic self, man is able to transcend the dilemma of mortality through heroism, a concept involving his symbolic half. By embarking on what Becker refers to as an "immortality project" (or causa sui), in which he creates or becomes part of something which he feels will last forever, man feels he has "become" heroic and, henceforth, part of something eternal; something that will never die, compared to his physical body that will die one day. This, in turn, gives man the feeling that his life has meaning; a purpose; significance in the grand scheme of things.
From this premise Becker argues that mental illness is most insightfully extrapolated as a bogging down in one's hero system(s). When someone is experiencing depression, their causa sui (or heroism project) is failing, and they are being consistently reminded of their mortality and insignificance as a result. Schizophrenia is a step further than depression in which one's causa sui is falling apart, making it impossible to engender sufficient defense mechanisms against their mortality; henceforth, the schizophrenic has to create their own reality or "world" in which they are better heroes"
I whole-heartedly recommend that everyone read Ernest Becker's The Denial of Death.
"The basic premise of The Denial of Death is that human civilization is ultimately an elaborate, symbolic defense mechanism against the knowledge of our mortality, which in turn acts as the emotional and intellectual response to our basic survival mechanism. Becker argues that a basic duality in human life exists between the physical world of objects and a symbolic world of human meaning. Thus, since man has a dualistic nature consisting of a physical self and a symbolic self, man is able to transcend the dilemma of mortality through heroism, a concept involving his symbolic half. By embarking on what Becker refers to as an "immortality project" (or causa sui), in which he creates or becomes part of something which he feels will last forever, man feels he has "become" heroic and, henceforth, part of something eternal; something that will never die, compared to his physical body that will die one day. This, in turn, gives man the feeling that his life has meaning; a purpose; significance in the grand scheme of things.
From this premise Becker argues that mental illness is most insightfully extrapolated as a bogging down in one's hero system(s). When someone is experiencing depression, their causa sui (or heroism project) is failing, and they are being consistently reminded of their mortality and insignificance as a result. Schizophrenia is a step further than depression in which one's causa sui is falling apart, making it impossible to engender sufficient defense mechanisms against their mortality; henceforth, the schizophrenic has to create their own reality or "world" in which they are better heroes"
way more
Member
The biggest lie ever told was that "depression is an illness." This is propaganda circulated by pharmaceutical companies to get you to buy drugs that will ultimately harm you, leaving you much worse than you were before.
I whole-heartedly recommend that everyone read L. Ron Hubbard's Dianetics.
I whole-heartedly recommend that everyone read L. Ron Hubbard's Dianetics.
Trent Strong
Banned
Bowflex said:
Dude, what the hell?
Necromanti
Member
Out of posts #557-559, only one seems blatantly sarcastic.
Bowflex
The fact that anyone supports Hillary boggles my mind... I have tested between 130-160 on IQ tests
Trent Strong said:
The nature of existence is far crueler than we should be able to imagine.
I have been suffering from depression for as long as I can remember, with every day generally being worse than the day before. You think you've hit a nadir, but there's always something worse. News ways to hate yourself, new things to fear, etc.
Bowflex
The fact that anyone supports Hillary boggles my mind... I have tested between 130-160 on IQ tests
Actually, I should clarify. SSRI's can help some people and a light amphetamine regiment is almost always beneficial for depression. Anti-psychotics and benzodiazepines, however, should not be legal. If I was a doctor, I would prescribe black tar heroin before sending someone down the benzo road, if only because the withdrawals would be a little easier.
Trent Strong
Banned
Bowflex said:
I hear this about benzos all the time. I hope it's exaggerated, because I've been taking Xanax for over ten years. I plan on taking them for the rest of my life, but if for some reason I need to stop taking them, well, that could suck.
Bowflex
The fact that anyone supports Hillary boggles my mind... I have tested between 130-160 on IQ tests
Trent Strong said:
10 years is pretty impressive! You must be taking them as prescribed. Most people (myself included) get out of control with them eventually due to tolerance (especially xanax, because the half-life is so short). As far as the withdrawals, all I can say is if you must quit for any reason, taper off at a very, very precautions speed. Under no circumstance should you try to quit cold turkey, but I'm sure you know that.
AFollowerNotALeader
Member
So it's getting cold, it's time to fill out my self-assessment tax return (I live in the UK) and we are being restructured at work. So guess what, I'm depressed again.
A bit of background: I've suffered from depression and OCD for a very long time but didn't go and see anyone until about two years ago when it came to a head around the completion of my PhD. Basically, I had my first ever serious suicidal thought, freaked out and went to the doctor. Being the NHS, they immediately put me on Citalopram (cheap to the NHS since it's generic) and then put me on a waiting list for course of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Three months later I got my alloted twelve weeks of CBT. Between the drugs and the therapy and an extremely supportive/understanding girlfriend, I recovered pretty effectively becoming at least reasonably happy, and with OCD that while not cured, no longer ruled my life. I've been off the meds since last summer and been fine. I got my dream job. I no longer lived in total terror of people touching me on the Underground. I could browse the Internet without being in a total state of panic that my machine was being owned. Until now.
My OCD manifests itself in a terror of filling out forms (hence the issues with the SA form), and the usual worries about germs (my girlfriend jokes that my primary expenditures are games and anti-bacterial products) with a side order of total computer security paranoia and usually feeds/feeds off the depression i.e. one triggers the other and they end up in a feedback loop.
It's been really bad the last month or so, and I don't see it getting better until the end of November when I know whether I have a job or not.
I know the smart thing to do is go and see my doctor again and go back on the meds but I can't face:
1) Being sick and completely unable to sleep (which happened for the first week last time).
2) Feeling totally blank for no reason.
3) Having to make a doctor's appointment every month for a renewal, take time off work for the appointment (since it's basically impossible to get one outside of work hours at my surgery - I tried last time), and explain to the people at work that I'm crazy.
4) As an addendum to 3), I really hate that the entire system here seems to be set up to make you feel like you are more debilitated by your condition than you really are by preventing you from leading a normal life - more access outside of office hours would really help here.
The restructuring worries make me just feel like the (successful) life I've built up in the year ago since I "got better" last time is falling apart in slow motion and I can't do anything about it.
Sorry for unloading Gaf, I just really needed to tell *someone* how utterly miserable I am.
A bit of background: I've suffered from depression and OCD for a very long time but didn't go and see anyone until about two years ago when it came to a head around the completion of my PhD. Basically, I had my first ever serious suicidal thought, freaked out and went to the doctor. Being the NHS, they immediately put me on Citalopram (cheap to the NHS since it's generic) and then put me on a waiting list for course of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Three months later I got my alloted twelve weeks of CBT. Between the drugs and the therapy and an extremely supportive/understanding girlfriend, I recovered pretty effectively becoming at least reasonably happy, and with OCD that while not cured, no longer ruled my life. I've been off the meds since last summer and been fine. I got my dream job. I no longer lived in total terror of people touching me on the Underground. I could browse the Internet without being in a total state of panic that my machine was being owned. Until now.
My OCD manifests itself in a terror of filling out forms (hence the issues with the SA form), and the usual worries about germs (my girlfriend jokes that my primary expenditures are games and anti-bacterial products) with a side order of total computer security paranoia and usually feeds/feeds off the depression i.e. one triggers the other and they end up in a feedback loop.
It's been really bad the last month or so, and I don't see it getting better until the end of November when I know whether I have a job or not.
I know the smart thing to do is go and see my doctor again and go back on the meds but I can't face:
1) Being sick and completely unable to sleep (which happened for the first week last time).
2) Feeling totally blank for no reason.
3) Having to make a doctor's appointment every month for a renewal, take time off work for the appointment (since it's basically impossible to get one outside of work hours at my surgery - I tried last time), and explain to the people at work that I'm crazy.
4) As an addendum to 3), I really hate that the entire system here seems to be set up to make you feel like you are more debilitated by your condition than you really are by preventing you from leading a normal life - more access outside of office hours would really help here.
The restructuring worries make me just feel like the (successful) life I've built up in the year ago since I "got better" last time is falling apart in slow motion and I can't do anything about it.
Sorry for unloading Gaf, I just really needed to tell *someone* how utterly miserable I am.
I've felt so suicidal lately when I'm awake I've been taking too much Klonopin and Seroquel so I can sleep all the time. I've been up 3-4? hours the past couple days. Afraid if I don't sleep I am do something stupid(er). A few things just hit me all at once lately and I don't know how to handle it. Things feel pretty bleak but I don't want to go back inpatient. Funny thing is most of the time I do fine until someone close to me triggers something, and then I feel this way.
J Tourettes
Banned
I saw this today and it bought a smile to my face so I thought I'd share it here: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html
Edit: Nevermind, just saw there was a thread for it.
Edit: Nevermind, just saw there was a thread for it.
Lately my emotional range has started expanding. Part of this is I'm getting depressed, to the point that it's making me feel physically ill. Stomach pains, lack of apetite, no motivation.
I've never felt like this before and it fucking hurts.
In some ways I signed up for this though. I've been fairly insulated from emotional hardship my whole life. I willingly put myself in a friendship with a girl that I knew would do this to me.
I'm conflicted. I sort of want this experience so that I have the life experience I've been missing all this time.... but it hurts so fucking bad.
I'm a broken human being.
I've never felt like this before and it fucking hurts.
In some ways I signed up for this though. I've been fairly insulated from emotional hardship my whole life. I willingly put myself in a friendship with a girl that I knew would do this to me.
I'm conflicted. I sort of want this experience so that I have the life experience I've been missing all this time.... but it hurts so fucking bad.
I'm a broken human being.
Bowflex
The fact that anyone supports Hillary boggles my mind... I have tested between 130-160 on IQ tests
xelios said:
Keep in mind that an excess of sleep is much, much better than the alternative, which is unending insomnia. After the sedative effects from my Geodon wore off, I came to realize this. There are no nadirs.
Also, excercise. A lot. This creates a goal, a distraction, and releases endorphins. It will also keep you awake.
CornBurrito
Member
.
This is going to be yet another vent post...I don't know where else to post besides GAF, and I just wanted to see anyone has any words of advice, or can even relate to me. I just want to apologize first though because I tend to ramble.
I'm 28 years old, and I can't say with certainty that I am suffering from depression with 100% certainty, because I have never been diagnosed with it. Problem is, I don't have any insurance so I can never afford to go to a doctor and find out. I have to say that I most likely do though, I have had so many emotional problems since I was a teenager. Without knowing me, and knowing what my life has been like, it may be difficult for me to articulate so people understand all the little things that trouble me.
I have so many problems, I don't even know what is the core problem for my depression is anymore and how to make it any better. I feel like I'm only a few steps away from being a homeless man someday. I'll try to go in order, but for as long as I can remember I have felt bad for the following reasons. Always being picked on for being the youngest, or being bullied, not being the most attractive looking guy, never getting a girlfriend, lack of friends or any form of companionship, not being very good with money, living with my parents. I may be missing some key issues, but those are some of the defining problems of me. It's always been a downward spiral from me, and I'm not saying some of it isn't my fault. I just wish I knew how to change.
I feel like I can't make my money situation any better because any money I bring in, I end up either doing 1 of 2 things with it. Spending on things I don't need, because they give me a small ounce of happyness when i buy something (a new game for instance), or the other thing: giving it to my parents. Living with them drives me nuts, because my father is disabled and doesnt bring in much money, and my mom doesn't make much either. So they suffer the same problem as me, they're bad with money, and whatever they need, they leech off of me. My paychecks are always gone before I see them. I love my parents, but they really also don't give me the space that I need as a 28 year old man. My dad still talks to me and expects me to respect like a child. He doesn't respect me as an adult at all. My mom is sometimes more reasonable, but even she is too sensitive. I don't understand how they can't appreciate the fact that I am unhappy, and want my space. I am a 28 year old man, living at home, with no car, no money, not getting laid, no friends to go visit or hang out with, and they expect me to be happy?
Lack of funds doesn't help with having any kind of social life. I can't really go out with anyone, or take a girl out with having any kind of money in my wallet. What kind of gentleman would I be to not offer to buy a drink for someone, or pick up the tab. This is why i hate the "game", the dating game, or the social game. Even if I did have money though, never matters with me. I have a terrible track record when it comes to women, and my personality just does not mesh well with other people. I am argumentative, but I dont mean to be. Its just how I talk. I am a very opinionated person, and if i don't say whats on my mind, I have to bite my tounge, which is very hard. Doesn't help that I feel like I got NOTHING in common with anyone around here. Living in wisconsin, which is such a football state sucks for me. I HATE football, but that's what the world seems to revolve around here. I work at a game store which is probably the only other job I'm qualified for, because I can talk to people about what I know.
It really doesn't help that I find it very difficult to find pleasure in anything other than...talking about video games sometimes. I honestly don't know what to talk about with other people. I can be sitting in the car with my own brother who I'm probably closer with than anyone, and unless there's some new game I'm playing...I don't even know what to say. My mind is a mess. I worry about everything, I over-analyze things, I'm not very smart...I don't know how to carry a conversation with the rest of the world. All my life, when I have just said what was one my mind, I was picked on for it. I was the little brother who got made fun of by my older 3, I got picked on school for what I would wear, or how my hair was, or how cheap my clothes were. This kind of shit is taken seriously by schools today, but it wasn't where I was, and I feel like I'm suffering psychologically for being the kid who was always bullied and picked on.
Oh my god, I really didn't mean to go on like this...but I'm desperate gaf. Maybe if someone can offer any form of advice, or would be willing to talk to me about somethings...I'd appreciate it.
I'm 28 years old, and I can't say with certainty that I am suffering from depression with 100% certainty, because I have never been diagnosed with it. Problem is, I don't have any insurance so I can never afford to go to a doctor and find out. I have to say that I most likely do though, I have had so many emotional problems since I was a teenager. Without knowing me, and knowing what my life has been like, it may be difficult for me to articulate so people understand all the little things that trouble me.
I have so many problems, I don't even know what is the core problem for my depression is anymore and how to make it any better. I feel like I'm only a few steps away from being a homeless man someday. I'll try to go in order, but for as long as I can remember I have felt bad for the following reasons. Always being picked on for being the youngest, or being bullied, not being the most attractive looking guy, never getting a girlfriend, lack of friends or any form of companionship, not being very good with money, living with my parents. I may be missing some key issues, but those are some of the defining problems of me. It's always been a downward spiral from me, and I'm not saying some of it isn't my fault. I just wish I knew how to change.
I feel like I can't make my money situation any better because any money I bring in, I end up either doing 1 of 2 things with it. Spending on things I don't need, because they give me a small ounce of happyness when i buy something (a new game for instance), or the other thing: giving it to my parents. Living with them drives me nuts, because my father is disabled and doesnt bring in much money, and my mom doesn't make much either. So they suffer the same problem as me, they're bad with money, and whatever they need, they leech off of me. My paychecks are always gone before I see them. I love my parents, but they really also don't give me the space that I need as a 28 year old man. My dad still talks to me and expects me to respect like a child. He doesn't respect me as an adult at all. My mom is sometimes more reasonable, but even she is too sensitive. I don't understand how they can't appreciate the fact that I am unhappy, and want my space. I am a 28 year old man, living at home, with no car, no money, not getting laid, no friends to go visit or hang out with, and they expect me to be happy?
Lack of funds doesn't help with having any kind of social life. I can't really go out with anyone, or take a girl out with having any kind of money in my wallet. What kind of gentleman would I be to not offer to buy a drink for someone, or pick up the tab. This is why i hate the "game", the dating game, or the social game. Even if I did have money though, never matters with me. I have a terrible track record when it comes to women, and my personality just does not mesh well with other people. I am argumentative, but I dont mean to be. Its just how I talk. I am a very opinionated person, and if i don't say whats on my mind, I have to bite my tounge, which is very hard. Doesn't help that I feel like I got NOTHING in common with anyone around here. Living in wisconsin, which is such a football state sucks for me. I HATE football, but that's what the world seems to revolve around here. I work at a game store which is probably the only other job I'm qualified for, because I can talk to people about what I know.
It really doesn't help that I find it very difficult to find pleasure in anything other than...talking about video games sometimes. I honestly don't know what to talk about with other people. I can be sitting in the car with my own brother who I'm probably closer with than anyone, and unless there's some new game I'm playing...I don't even know what to say. My mind is a mess. I worry about everything, I over-analyze things, I'm not very smart...I don't know how to carry a conversation with the rest of the world. All my life, when I have just said what was one my mind, I was picked on for it. I was the little brother who got made fun of by my older 3, I got picked on school for what I would wear, or how my hair was, or how cheap my clothes were. This kind of shit is taken seriously by schools today, but it wasn't where I was, and I feel like I'm suffering psychologically for being the kid who was always bullied and picked on.
Oh my god, I really didn't mean to go on like this...but I'm desperate gaf. Maybe if someone can offer any form of advice, or would be willing to talk to me about somethings...I'd appreciate it.
Hey, we're all here to help. I'll be happy to discuss things with you. = D
I don't know if you're necessarily clinically depressed...almost anyone, certainly including myself, would be feeling the same way given your living situation. It's clearly the root cause of a lot of issues. That said, if you do ever get a chance to see a licensed doctor/psychiatrist/what-have-you, it's worth checking out.
You *need* to get out of your routine. It's "easy" sticking with your parents and not going through the emotional and mental hurdles of moving, but you have to logically understand that it's not going to get any better if you stay where you are. And no offense to other Wisconsin-ites, but you need to get the hell out of there. It's clearly very difficult to find anyone, male or female, with common interests. You should move to a more metropolitan area in a coastal region.
But of course, there's the issue of money.
You generally need approximately $8,000 to move to an urban area and survive for awhile while you look for a job...hopefully you have some marketable skills. Saving that money, while attempting to support your parents, is going to be hard as hell. You'll need to sit them down and tell them that while you'll still contribute what you can, you're going to be saving to move out, and that in the long run, that'll help them: they'll spend less money on food and whatever, plus they can probably move to a smaller residence. And, if you get a higher paying job wherever you move, you can maybe afford to still send them a little bit per month. Money shouldn't really be the issue, though...if your parents love you, they should support your decision to finally move out and seek your own life. If they don't support that, honestly, fuck 'em. They need to see what's right for you.
None of this is going to be easy, or even sorta hard. But the feelings you're going to experience when you move out, when you can meet people who you can connect to, when you start a brand new life...that's your endgame. Can you really tolerate living like this for another five, ten, twenty years? You've got to find a way to motivate yourself to get out of your current situation, because nothing's going to happen unless you make it happen.
Good luck. You can always reach me via PM if you want to talk some more, or just reply in the thread. ^^
Has anyone else started to type up a reply to this thread, then back off and delete the whole thing? I tend to do that a lot and I think it's a reflection on my real life tendencies (I'm second-guessing if that sentences makes any sense right now).
Well I was going to write my own story, because I know for sure I'm suffering from depression, but seeing how Yuripaw just wrote about his situation, I don't want to take away from issues. His situation is worse than mine, but I fear by saying that it'll make him feel worse knowing his situation is worse. It's my opinion anyways, maybe it's not true.
I still sympathize with you man, I'm 25 and I have half the problems. My life has been deteriorating steadily over the past 4 years, and today, for the first time in a long time, I cried about it. I then told my ex-gf I cried about it. The embarrassing thing is why I finally cried after so long....a girl. A girl I've only spoke to for 3 weeks, but noticed for 3 months. Earlier today she told me that we could no longer be friends, because she's been catching strong feelings for me. I'll stop right there, I just realized I ended up writing about myself anyways.
Well I was going to write my own story, because I know for sure I'm suffering from depression, but seeing how Yuripaw just wrote about his situation, I don't want to take away from issues. His situation is worse than mine, but I fear by saying that it'll make him feel worse knowing his situation is worse. It's my opinion anyways, maybe it's not true.
I still sympathize with you man, I'm 25 and I have half the problems. My life has been deteriorating steadily over the past 4 years, and today, for the first time in a long time, I cried about it. I then told my ex-gf I cried about it. The embarrassing thing is why I finally cried after so long....a girl. A girl I've only spoke to for 3 weeks, but noticed for 3 months. Earlier today she told me that we could no longer be friends, because she's been catching strong feelings for me. I'll stop right there, I just realized I ended up writing about myself anyways.
No one has problems that are bigger than someone else's. We all have our own problems, some people are just better at dealing with certain situations than others. I don't know the details about the girl you speak of, but I know how you feel when someone just doesn't want to be around you anymore. At least in your situation, she's being blunt about it. I feel like sometimes I would appreciate some bluntness. I've always had situations where they were afraid of hurting my feelings, so instead of just telling me to get lost, they kept acting like they were my friend. That bull shit hurts more when they say "i want to get to know you better", or "I'm not ready for a relationship right now", but they go and fuck the first hot guy that enters their line of sight.
I guess the only positive advice I can offer you, is appreciate the time you had with someone. My unfortunate situations have made me bitter. There's only so much punishment I can take, and I've grown to be a very jealous person in terms of seeing other couples...I don't know what it feels like to be dumped, but I'd take that feeling over never knowing what it's like to be wanted by someone ever.
@Feep
I may PM when I get home, I have to run out shortly, and I appreciate your willing to talk.
I appreciate the reply. I guess I can flesh out the story a little better:
This girl is a very small part of my life, but provided so much hope as to whats out there, whether or not they are available. After 10 years of being cheating on, having a gf turn full-blown lesbian, being ridiculed, denied and as you described being told "I need to get to know you better" bullshit line (same result happened with me). I became bitter too, having negative thoughts towards any woman I met.
Until this girl that is.
She's currently in a relationship with her bf of 3 years, so it's not my place to even consider anything to happen btwn us. Our friendship was fantastic, but too much so. So she revealed she was getting really deep feelings me this past Thursday, which is what most people would consider good news, but I knew it would end bad. After a discussion that night, she didn't text me for two days, until this morning when she revealed her discussion to have to cut me off as a friend. My heart sank, even though I knew it was coming. I became frustrated that what was so innocent, ended up being a disaster. That after all these years of failure, if only on the romantic part, this one glimmer of hope that I had was taken away from me suddenly. I became frustrated, among all of the other issues I have going on in my life, financially, socially, family and friends, being in that 500 mile deep hole you can seem to climb out of....and this one girl actually tipped the bucket over for me. I've not mad at her, I respect her decision and probably would make the same one if I were to be in her shoes, but I can't help but to feel lost again. Like back to square one. When will it stop you know?
Then it doesn't help that those two days I've been waiting for her to reply, I couldnt concentrate on my school work. This sounds minor, but its coupled with a a nasty break-up during the semester, as well as struggles within school. Just when I was recovering in both fields, this happens. It happens with other parts of my life too you know. I've seen replies here about making goals, taking small steps. But what happens when you fail even those very small steps? It really sucks man, and even though I know I'm not dealing with the worse parts of life yet, and that im still young, its this feeling I can't get rid of.
As for you feep. I really appreciate that you even take the time to read what happens in this thread, as much as reply to it and offer help to Yuri. That and what you did with your game
definitely makes you cooler than Gary Whitta.
Freeza Under The Shower
Member
Any sensible person questions what they should and should not put on the internet. In particular when the effect on other people is hard to predict, or when any potential for real discussion seems absent. Being cautious on the internet is most likely a good thing and a property that could actually feel good about.
Btw, for a deeper discussion on the brain "versus" the internet, I can fully recommend Nicolas Carr's 'The shallows'. In particular the later chapters, where he deals directly with neuroscience and the effects of internet use on behaviour. (and mental states that go with it!)
edit: Also, I am not really part of this thread, so I can't comment on your story. It's not my place to do so, imo.
I appreciate the reply regardless.
I mean i guess it is a good thing to think about what you say before you post it on the internet, but I personally associate this habit with my over-analyzing and self-criticism on everything I say and do. It slows me down in school, friendships, almost everything I do in my normal life. I'm interested in what you suggested I read
thats probably the worst piece of advice right after "get over it"
SpartanForce
Member
I'm taking 150mg of Seroquel XR for cyclothymia, anyone that takes this feel like stoned for hours? I just taked now and jesus looks like a smoked dozens of bongs of marijuana. It's cool in the beginning, but them gets really annoying.
Yeah. I was basically dead for the first week I took Seroquel (normal, not XR). Sedation has since gotten much better though it still isn't completely gone (been 2-3 weeks now). It's a heavy, heavy drug but it has definitely stabilized my cyclothymic problems. I'm titrating up Lamictal now and hoping to back off the Seroquel a bit if it goes smoothly.
During the heavily sedated period I actually found that smoking wasn't fun any more because I didn't feel all that different.
CabbageRed
Member
My ex was a drone on Seroquel and the weight gain eventually chased her off (around 50lbs on someone five-and-a-half feet tall). She has had better luck with Geodon and--to the best of my knowledge--has never again run naked in towards a busy road to try and meet the apocalypse which would be arriving in her dead father's van.
I take 150 normal, couldn't handle the XR for this reason. You may want to ask your Dr. about that. XR will work the same as normal if you cut it before taking it anyway. I take it an hour or two before I go to sleep and it helps me sleep wonderfully (no grogginess or hungover feeling when I wake up) and it helps control my BPD/mood (along with Lamictal) wonderfully. It cured my insomnia. The first couple weeks I was sleeping too much and had a voracious appetite, but all side effects have now disappeared.
kairiceres
Neo Member
Hey guys... I just attempted to kill myself last night. I've been diagnosed with major depression in 2010. I feel so horrible. I'm so sad.
Drealmcc0y
Banned
I know how you feel I was going to do it last night. I plan to visit my doctor and curse her out. I had asked her for help and was referred to the behavioral health clinic and they didn't do nothing to help me. I think i will do this and tell off my boss and mother before i commit suicide.
CrocMother
Banned
Might as well call a suicide hotline or see a counselor too I mean what difference does it make.
Ive tried suicide in the past, 10+ years ago. I still think about it a lot. Ive tried really hard the last 2 years to turn myself around. Im 28. I figure if i keep at things something will turn around for me. Only reason why i dont kill myself is because im not religious so i figure when you die, thats it. You never have another thought again. Shit just ends. I'd rather be miserable to some degree then not exist at all. At least that way there is a chance something good might happen.
Like last night for instance something snapped in me and i adopted a i dont give a fuck attitude. Was out till 5 am with folk from work. They all wanted to go to the beach at 3 am. We got there and i stripped down and dove into he pitch black ocean. I ended up getting everyone to come on in and it was awesome for 2 hours just hanging out at night in the ocean.
Im gonna try to get that feeling back again and be more carefree and maybe things will go my way.
Like last night for instance something snapped in me and i adopted a i dont give a fuck attitude. Was out till 5 am with folk from work. They all wanted to go to the beach at 3 am. We got there and i stripped down and dove into he pitch black ocean. I ended up getting everyone to come on in and it was awesome for 2 hours just hanging out at night in the ocean.
Im gonna try to get that feeling back again and be more carefree and maybe things will go my way.
I've seen 3 counselors and they do not work.
I wish i could see things this way but life has been crap for the last 6-10 years so that makes the next 6-10 any better. At the end of 2010 i thought ok maybe life might get better maybe things will get better and its the end of 2011 and it never changed at all. Things do not get better. Best thing about death you don't have to think anymore don't have to worry anymore don't have to be that fat ugly guy in the room anymore don't have to be the 3rd wheel and the lonely guy at the bar anymore. I've been online mostly last night and today trying to see what in life is worth living for and really there isn't anything. Not unless you already goodlooking have friends and everything. I've weighed the pros and cons of suicide and the pros are winning me over. I really do not even want to wake up tomorrow for another crap day at work to begin more of this crappy life. I have had people say move and get a different job which would work if magically i would have an instant job and apartment if i moved but no it doesn't happen that way. I cannot even save anything at all. IF i do even save more than 200 bucks something always comes up. Just in the last couple of months the condo fees jumped, the condo assholes made everyone redo their windows and we had to shell out close to 3G then the store breaks around thanksgiving, 900 gone and my sister's car needs repair and she needs help. We cannot even sell this place with all the crap working going on and the fact the condo fees are so high. So really when does it get better. I'd rather just save up for a gun and blow my brains out.
chalkitdown1
Member
My ex-girlfriend killed herself 2 months ago after becoming depressed when she had a miscarriage. Jumped off the roof of her building. Was quite a shock when I found out, I didn't even know she was pregnant. She was always a cheerful, positive person, I never thought she would be capable of doing something like this, so it really fucked me up for a while afterwards.
Just thought I'd add.
Just thought I'd add.
I forgot that I posted in this thread, no less than 4 months ago. But my life has improved somewhat since then, I'm working more and being more sociable. Still have no friends and I feel incredibly lonely if I dwell too much on it, but I don't feel nearly as miserable as I did earlier. Right now I'm just focused on taking what I think are the right steps, starting a few classes at the CC and will be moving out fairly soon. Stay strong depressed-GAF!
mclaren777
Member
I'd also suggest reading either Proverbs or Acts.
Proverbs because it has a bunch of practical advice and Acts because it'll help you realize that life is still worth living in spite of being hard at times.
Dude, what? Do not do this, brosef.
Why not i asked for help and never got it.
SpartanForce
Member
DON'T DO THIS. I have felt this way before and I still do sometimes, but don't give up. Drink some coffee if you don't have any meds at home (it helps a bit with my bipolar depression), try your best to think positive. Serious, don't do this.
Yeah but it's is a month now and I still feel stoned. My moods have some highs and lows still, but that got better.
BAD ASS avatar, fella.
Your MD and the behavioral health clinic people were assholes, but that shouldn't push you to make the one decision that is totally and completely irreversible just because they're professionally incompetent. Chin up.
no such thing as chin up. I think there are people god likes and god dislikes and i am in the dislike list. I'd rather just get out of life now than spend another 5-7 years the same way i am now.
That doesn't pay the bills
Eating more than usual.
Not going out.
No work to distract me
Stay in bed all day.
Negative thoughts
Contemplate suicide
Cry until I fall asleep sometimes.
Pretend to be happy in front of people
Problems while talking
Hard to think
Yeah Nice behavior of mine definitely
Not going out.
No work to distract me
Stay in bed all day.
Negative thoughts
Contemplate suicide
Cry until I fall asleep sometimes.
Pretend to be happy in front of people
Problems while talking
Hard to think
Yeah Nice behavior of mine definitely
Oh, I'm sure being locked in a casket is highly paid.
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