Support NeoGAF

[mt1200]

Eating more than usual.
Not going out.
No work to distract me
Stay in bed all day.
Negative thoughts
Contemplate suicide
Cry until I fall asleep sometimes.
Pretend to be happy in front of people
Problems while talking
Hard to think


Yeah Nice behavior of mine definitely

In my case I..

- Am Always thinking that everyone is surpassing me in life,money, girls, overall, and I just cannot compete with them because they are light-years ahead of me.

- Always think that I dont have what It takes to be a successful engineer and I wont have what it takes to go to grad school after I finish my undergrad .

- Always think that I am not an innate enterpreneur, so I'll never be one no matter how hard I work.

- Have never figured out the meaning of life, so I have little motivation to do things.

- Hate innate geniusses just because they have talents and I dont.

-

Spoiler

I hate not being born as an Alpha male

Also I dont believe in that bullshit that " you are your toughest oponent, stop competing and comparing yourself with the others", it is a fact that we always surpass ourselves, but surpassing the others its not that easy, and this world is all about competition and hyerarchies, the smart, big and strong, rich and confident get all the money and women, while the weak, insecure, and stupid get nothing but reject and forgiveness.

It does not matter how hard you try, sometimes you'll never achieve your goals because you lack the proper DNA and innate talents.


Everything is about 90% having what it takes, 10% hard work

 

[neojubei]

Eating more than usual.
Not going out.
No work to distract me
Stay in bed all day.
Negative thoughts
Contemplate suicide
Cry until I fall asleep sometimes.
Pretend to be happy in front of people
Problems while talking
Hard to think


Yeah Nice behavior of mine definitely

Sounds like me except i have an evil job at a call center. i feel like i lose my soul each time i am there.

In my case I..

- Am Always thinking that everyone is surpassing me in life,money, girls, overall, and I just cannot compete with them because they are light-years ahead of me.

- Always think that I dont have what It takes to be a successful engineer and I wont have what it takes to go to grad school after I finish my undergrad .

- Always think that I am not an innate enterpreneur, so I'll never be one no matter how hard I work.

- Have never figured out the meaning of life, so I have little motivation to do things.

- Hate innate geniusses just because they have talents and I dont.

-

Spoiler

I hate not being born as an Alpha male

Also I dont believe in that bullshit that " you are your toughest oponent, stop competing and comparing yourself with the others", it is a fact that we always surpass ourselves, but surpassing the others its not that easy, and this world is all about competition and hyerarchies, the smart, big and strong, rich and confident get all the money and women, while the weak, insecure, and stupid get nothing but reject and forgiveness.

It does not matter how hard you try, sometimes you'll never achieve your goals because you lack the proper DNA and innate talents.


Everything is about 90% having what it takes, 10% hard work

This. Hell looking on Facebook makes me realize how shitty my life is compared to others.

Oh, I'm sure being locked in a casket is highly paid.

At least i dont have to worry about the bills.

Spoken like a true Calvinist.

Sometimes I feel I have no life, no friends, no future, a worthless job... But there are beautiful things in this world that keep me here.

Maybe you can try and get out of your situation? Working abroad sounds like an idea - several Southeast Asian countries will cover cost of living & a small stipend to teach English with no teaching or language skills necessary. Some of them require a bachelor's but there may be a few that don't.

I doubt they would hire me.

 

[Fallout-NL]

Yeah, those jobs don't really help your mood either.

 

[SpartanForce]

I take 150 normal, couldn't handle the XR for this reason. You may want to ask your Dr. about that. XR will work the same as normal if you cut it before taking it anyway. I take it an hour or two before I go to sleep and it helps me sleep wonderfully (no grogginess or hungover feeling when I wake up) and it helps control my BPD/mood (along with Lamictal) wonderfully. It cured my insomnia. The first couple weeks I was sleeping too much and had a voracious appetite, but all side effects have now disappeared.

Could you tell me your diagnostic? You take another med besides the seroquel? And your libido it's normal? Mine is gone. I mean it's not the same thing...
My diagnostic is something like OCD-Borderline-Bipolar I/cyclothymic

 

[neojubei]

Try?

hmm i dont know.

 

[neojubei]

If you didn't, I'd understand. My biggest fear in life is failure, and disappointment, and consequently I've mostly given up trying in the 1st place.

my life is nothing but failures, it would be nice if i had a nice body or looks but i don't even have that. I wish I could get a lobotomy so i don't even have to be aware of anything or even live with being myself. I've told my many therapists this. Death would actually sound great now.

If you didn't, I'd understand. My biggest fear in life is failure, and disappointment, and consequently I've mostly given up trying in the 1st place.

edit - err i realize saying this probably doesn't really help, but i'm someone to talk to at least! lol

people have tried talking to me it doesn't help. I'm going to make an appointment with my doctor since her office has been leaving messages for me for an appointment for my physical but i am just going to go to let her know she has failed me when i asked for help. That was my last lifeline before deciding on taking my life.

 

[mt1200]

This. Hell looking on Facebook makes me realize how shitty my life is compared to others.

Sometimes I spend hours lurking on facebook, and when I find school mates or people I've known at some point in life with gorgeous women, traveling all around the world, or with their college degrees I realize how shitty and boring my life is.

 

[xelios]

Could you tell me your diagnostic? You take another med besides the seroquel? And your libido it's normal? Mine is gone. I mean it's not the same thing...
My diagnostic is something like OCD-Borderline-Bipolar I/cyclothymic

Sure, but that doesn't have much to do with side effects. My libido is normal, maybe even high; you should discuss with your doctor to decide whether a change of meds is necessary.

My diagnoses are pretty ironclad considering my medical history dates back to 14 and I recently took the MMPI-2 and MCMI-III with perfect validity scales to support the doctors' findings: PTSD, borderline personality disorder, bipolar II and panic disorder with mild/moderate agoraphobia. Also, could you clarify your bipolar diagnosis? Bipolar I is the worst form of bipolar while cyclothymic disorder is a mild form; I don't believe you'd have both. Do you mean rapid cycling or something?

I take Seroquel, Lamictal, Klonopin and Minipress for off-label use for nightmares and I do individual counseling/CBT/EMDR. Psych is giving me the option of adding Lithium but I haven't decided yet. I have far less suicidal thoughts than I did before I was on these meds (but still enough bad days that she's considering Lithium), I can sleep normally, no more nightmares, no more anger/irritability and far less anxiety in general. I expected some of my diagnoses would change as a result of the meds working so well but apparently just because they're under control with medication they don't remove them.

The only side effects I had at all were some dizziness/haziness on the Lamictal for a couple weeks, and a voracious appetite and some weight gain on Seroquel for a few weeks. No side effects whatsoever anymore. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you. Although Seroquel is a wonderful drug, if sex is a big part of your life as it is for most, I would seriously consider asking about the alternatives.

 

[squidyj]

Sometimes I spend hours lurking on facebook, and when I find school mates or people I've known at some point in life with gorgeous women, traveling all around the world, or with their college degrees I realize how shitty and boring my life is.

This is why I avoid facebook. I saw a guy I used to go to school with on there and he's now A&r for universal pictures in amsterdam with a beautiful wife. FUCK THIS SHIT.

 

[neojubei]

If anything will get you down, it's Facebook. I fucking hate that site.

You and me both. Also seems a lot of people are so damn good looking or just photogenic. I am neither I am horrible looking and the camera lens makes it 10X worse.

 

[SpartanForce]

Sure, but that doesn't have much to do with side effects. My libido is normal, maybe even high; you should discuss with your doctor to decide whether a change of meds is necessary.

My diagnoses are pretty ironclad considering my medical history dates back to 14 and I recently took the MMPI-2 and MCMI-III with perfect validity scales to support the doctors' findings: PTSD, borderline personality disorder, bipolar II and panic disorder with mild/moderate agoraphobia. Also, could you clarify your bipolar diagnosis? Bipolar I is the worst form of bipolar while cyclothymic disorder is a mild form; I don't believe you'd have both. Do you mean rapid cycling or something?

I take Seroquel, Lamictal, Klonopin and Minipress for off-label use for nightmares and I do individual counseling/CBT/EMDR. Psych is giving me the option of adding Lithium but I haven't decided yet. I have far less suicidal thoughts than I did before I was on these meds (but still enough bad days that she's considering Lithium), I can sleep normally, no more nightmares, no more anger/irritability and far less anxiety in general. I expected some of my diagnoses would change as a result of the meds working so well but apparently just because they're under control with medication they don't remove them.

The only side effects I had at all were some dizziness/haziness on the Lamictal for a couple weeks, and a voracious appetite and some weight gain on Seroquel for a few weeks. No side effects whatsoever anymore. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you. Although Seroquel is a wonderful drug, if sex is a big part of your life as it is for most, I would seriously consider asking about the alternatives.

I dunno, must be Bipolar I with rapid cycling. Anyway, all other meds I have tried do this to my libido (depakote, lithium, lamictal, etc). And Seroquel besides the drownsiness it's a good mood stabilizer for me.

 

[xelios]

I dunno, must be Bipolar I with rapid cycling. Anyway, all other meds I have tried do this to my libido (depakote, lithium, lamictal, etc). And Seroquel besides the drownsiness it's a good mood stabilizer for me.

That's a shame since that knocks out pretty much all the go-tos for bipolar disorder. I hope you find the right combo that works for you and still allows you to have a somewhat normal libido.

 

[SpartanForce]

BAD ASS avatar, fella.

Oh, thanks.

That's a shame since that knocks out pretty much all the go-tos for bipolar disorder. I hope you find the right combo that works for you and still allows you to have a somewhat normal libido.

Yes, thanks. Strange is that 2 hours from taking the med again the libido just come back. Weird.

 

[heidern]

In my case I..

You are sabotaging yourself with unnecessarily harsh thought patterns.

- Am Always thinking that everyone is surpassing me in life,money, girls, overall, and I just cannot compete with them because they are light-years ahead of me.

Everyone? What about the guy in the wheelchair? Or the school caretaker? Why do you care if people are surpassing you? Why are you trying to compete with them? And don't think the grass it greener, you don't know what the reality is, you don't know what disasters they are hiding or what disasters are waiting to strike them.

- Always think that I dont have what It takes to be a successful engineer and I wont have what it takes to go to grad school after I finish my undergrad.

- Always think that I am not an innate enterpreneur, so I'll never be one no matter how hard I work.

Are there people with worse grades than you that become engineers? Even then it doesn't matter, your career isn't you, it's only a part of you. Look for something that you are good at/enjoy and try and build a career in it. Whether it is this or something else it doesn't really matter if you are a big success or not. You just try and achieve what you can.

- Have never figured out the meaning of life, so I have little motivation to do things.

There's no meaning of life. You decide what life means to you, and what it means to you can change over time. Decide what are the things you want out of life and make a reasonable effort to achieve them.

- Hate innate geniusses just because they have talents and I dont.

Why hate? Why not be happy for them? Why not be happy for the talents that you have? And don't say you don't have any, at the very least you are literate...

-

Spoiler

I hate not being born as an Alpha male

Why not be happy that you weren't born a 3 year old that dies of malnutrition?

...and this world is all about competition and hyerarchies...

Says who? The world's about whatever you want it to be about. You can choose to compete or not. You can become a high flying businessman or a monk that has no interest in material things. You can party hard or read a book. It doesn't matter. Ultimately we're all the same, we all achieve the same thing; death. In the meantime people try and do what's right for them. You need to do what's right for you and stop worrying about other people get up to.

I'd seriously recommend you try moodgym btw.

 

[mt1200]

Everyone? What about the guy in the wheelchair? Or the school caretaker? Why do you care if people are surpassing you? Why are you trying to compete with them? And don't think the grass it greener, you don't know what the reality is, you don't know what disasters they are hiding or what disasters are waiting to strike them.

No point in comparing yourself with people below you, there is no gain, only a snob would compare all the time with people who are below him.

Are there people with worse grades than you that become engineers? Even then it doesn't matter, your career isn't you, it's only a part of you. Look for something that you are good at/enjoy and try and build a career in it. Whether it is this or something else it doesn't really matter if you are a big success or not. You just try and achieve what you can.

I dont want to be a mediocre engineer I want to kick asses but I dont seem to have what it takes, recently three young engineers ( 20-23 year olds) were hired by M$oft because they were the best in their career and they emigrated to the states., I wish I was that smart/successfull when I was 20.

There's no meaning of life. You decide what life means to you, and what it means to you can change over time. Decide what are the things you want out of life and make a reasonable effort to achieve them.

I'm on it, but I see no sense in life, so its very demotivational.

Why hate? Why not be happy for them? Why not be happy for the talents that you have? And don't say you don't have any, at the very least you are literate...

Why would I love my opponents?, and no, I have no talents at all, I cant play piano or any instrument because I have no musician's ear, I'm not good at sports because I'm not the active type and my kinetic abilities suck, i'm neither good at videogames, there are plenty of people who beat me in almost any game.

Why not be happy that you weren't born a 3 year old that dies of malnutrition?

Again, I see no point in comparing yourself with those who are not so fortunate.

Says who? The world's about whatever you want it to be about. You can choose to compete or not. You can become a high flying businessman or a monk that has no interest in material things. You can party hard or read a book. It doesn't matter. Ultimately we're all the same, we all achieve the same thing; death. In the meantime people try and do what's right for them. You need to do what's right for you and stop worrying about other people get up to.

This.

Says who?, says REAL LIFE, just take a look around, all those successful men get everything, and the "beta males" get nothing but low incomes, ugly or no women, and they never get rich, why?, because they weren't born with the leadership, intelligence, and courage skills required to be successfull.

Tell me if we are all the same, then can you get a date with lets say beyonce?, can you afford a ferrari?, can you find the higgs boson?, according to your statement, if we are all the same, then we all have the same capabilites.

From my point of view, everything is in your DNA, as I said, you either have what it takes or you'll suck at a specific subject.

I'd seriously recommend you try moodgym btw.

I'd be embarrased.

Please try do not try to encourage people who doesnt share your ideals, you don't know how it feels to be surpassed/beaten by a lot of people, or probably you just dont care, well I do.

 

[Uchip]

no such thing as chin up. I think there are people god likes and god dislikes and i am in the dislike list. I'd rather just get out of life now than spend another 5-7 years the same way i am now.

the first thing you should do is stop believing in any god and look at the world from a realistic perspective. Knowing that everyone is equally temporary and insignificant helps me somewhat.

 

[Conciliator]

mt1200:

-You don't need a musical ear to play most instruments, just FYI. Don't pick up a violin, but piano requires no innate musical ability(a little rhythm helps, but you can pick that up; also depends on what kind of music you're playing)

-So you won't be happy until you can look up and see no one above you? That's a rough life regardless of your position. We all deal with jealousy and the frustration associated with that...all of us care about that stuff. And we all deal with the gender-specific competition that piles on top of that. We are literally biologically programmed to do so. All of use are beaten/surpassed by a lot of people, unless we are Kanye West or Steve Jobs(and I'm confident in saying that almost every person on GAF is not Kanye or Steve Jobs). But you can't let that consume you. You're biology does not have your happiness in mind. In the meantime, see if you can take baby steps up those infinitely-long stairs.

EDIT: Also moodgym is a website; it's confidential. Can't speak for its effectiveness though.

 

[neojubei]

the first thing you should do is stop believing in any god and look at the world from a realistic perspective. Knowing that everyone is equally temporary and insignificant helps me somewhat.

If there is no god then life is just plain evil there is no point to live in it or have children at all.

I've written a pretty long list of pros and cons of suicide and from my own thinking its probably the only choice I have right now. There really isn't a reason to have to wake up each day least for me, I have no one, I have no kids nothing to really tie me to anything and yet I wake each day to go to a shitty job to pay bills and crap for life I hate more than anything in this world. I've been to psych wards, spoke with doctors therapists psychologists taken meds and nothing works at all. What's the point of living if you cannot life at all. I've read about people younger than me living more than I ever did in my life so what's the point of living until I am 40 or 50 or any age it does not get better.

 

[BadTaste]

Today my dad was drink driving and ended up in a car accident, it could have been worse but he and the other driver he collided with were fine. My dad only scraped the other car, then he left the scene and the other driver reported what happened to the police.

I only found out much later what happened because while in my bedroom I noticed a Policeman outside my window with a flash light and I was wondering what the hell was going on.

So I opened the front door and let the police come inside and they told me something along the lines of "We know your dad is inside and we'd like to have a word with him, it's a police matter" so I obliged and still at the time I didn't know what had happened.

They opened my dad's bedroom door and he's in his bed sleeping, this was at 6pm. They made him take a breathalyzer test and his results were over the limit, so they cuffed him and took him into the Police Station. During the time in my house I asked what happened and they told me.

This is the second time he's been involved in a car accident while drink driving, the first time he only had to pay a fine, but now I fear for a lot worse this time round.. he's due in court in the morning.

Besides that; things have been pretty awful around here. I'm 21 years old and living with my dad, i've been out of work for a few months now and it's so hard to find a job up here. I live in the country, about 16 miles from the closest town and about 30 miles from the closest College. I really want to move away from here and start fresh but my confidence is destroyed, and i'm afraid.

I'm thinking about seeing my local GP about depression, I'm curious to see what he has to say but I have a feeling he'll tell me I'm not depressed or something. Well I am, I have only 2 friends and one of them lives about 300 miles away, I talk to him everyday though, and the other lives fairly close to me. Us 3 made plans to hang out in the city together for a week or so, really looking forward to that.

One of the things that is really getting on my mind is about a girl that friendzoned me, we used to get on so great then she suddenly stopped talking, I did ask her out at one point but she said no. I think about her a lot, but not as much as before. I'm slowly getting over her.

Just really needed to vent.

 

[kairiceres]

I'm feeling a little bit better now. I'm back on my meds again. It's kinda hard dealing with it. I stopped taking my medications before because my family said that I was just weak minded and I didn't need to see a doctor or medications and I could cure it by being strong. My therapist told me that I shouldn't listen to my family that much because they don't think depression is a disease.

 

[surly]

I've written a pretty long list of pros and cons of suicide and from my own thinking its probably the only choice I have right now.

The problem with writing a list like that is it's being written by a person suffering from a mental illness. It's gonna be biased and so is the way that you interpret it. It also assumes that your situation won't get better because it hasn't in the past X number of years, but that is not a good assumption to make.

I tried to commit suicide when I was 20. I'd suffered with severe depression for 5 or so years. I didn't do a "cry for help". I planned it, I didn't tell anyone or leave a note, and off I went to do it. I won't say how I tried to do it, but needless to say it didn't work and I woke up in the intensive care ward of a hospital. I'm 42 next week and while I have suffered from depression on and off throughout my adult life to varying degrees, I am so fucking glad that my suicide attempt failed.

I have never found the root cause of my depression, if indeed there is one. What I have done is develop a better strategy of coping with it and that lessens the symptoms. That took a long time to do though, as you have to condition yourself to think differently about things, even if at first you don't even believe what it is you're thinking (if you know what I mean). I read some of your posts in the weight loss thread and you sound like me a few years ago. Your confidence is at rock bottom and it's almost like you believe that there is nothing you can do to change things, but there is.

I don't want to see a person commit suicide because they believe that their lowest of the low state is the way it will always be. I'm not qualified to give out medical advice, but if you want to lose weight and get in shape, you can, and you may find a treatment that works for your depression too. It doesn't take your mood to lift by too much for your perspective to start to change, and things get better from there. If you end your life, you will never have the benefit of hindsight like I have. You'll never know what might have been and even if you think "I don't care" right now, that's your illness talking, not the real you.

 

[Feep]

I wish I could help everyone in here. = ( Come hang out with me in Los Angeles!

 

[heidern]

No point in comparing yourself with people below you, there is no gain

And what exactly is the point in comparing yourself with people "above" you? what is the gain?

Why would I love my opponents?

Why do you view them as your opponents? Why don't you view them as your allies? As fellow human beings like you who are trying to make the best of what they have in this world?

I dont want to be a mediocre engineer I want to kick asses

How much ass do you want to kick? Do you want to be the in the top 1000 engineers in your town? Top 100? Top 10? The best? In your town? State? Country? The planet? In history? At what point exactly would you be happy?

Says who?, says REAL LIFE, just take a look around, all those successful men get everything, and the "beta males" get nothing but low incomes, ugly or no women, and they never get rich, why?

Tell me if we are all the same, then can you get a date with lets say beyonce?, can you afford a ferrari?, can you find the higgs boson?

So what you feel you are missing out on is money, women and achieving something amazing and maybe achieving fame? Anything else on that list?

Please try do not try to encourage people who doesnt share your ideals, you don't know how it feels to be surpassed/beaten by a lot of people, or probably you just dont care, well I do.

Every person on this planet gets surpassed by lots of people. Bill gates would fail to even qualify for every single event in every single olympics ever held for instance. He would even fail to qualify for qualification events. Should he care? Why do you care?

 

[Corky]

I wish I could help everyone in here. = ( Come hang out with me in Los Angeles!

Can I come visit sometime ?

 

[Nekofrog]

No point in comparing yourself with people below you, there is no gain, only a snob would compare all the time with people who are below him.




I dont want to be a mediocre engineer I want to kick asses but I dont seem to have what it takes, recently three young engineers ( 20-23 year olds) were hired by M$oft because they were the best in their career and they emigrated to the states., I wish I was that smart/successfull when I was 20.



I'm on it, but I see no sense in life, so its very demotivational.



Why would I love my opponents?, and no, I have no talents at all, I cant play piano or any instrument because I have no musician's ear, I'm not good at sports because I'm not the active type and my kinetic abilities suck, i'm neither good at videogames, there are plenty of people who beat me in almost any game.



Again, I see no point in comparing yourself with those who are not so fortunate.



This.

Says who?, says REAL LIFE, just take a look around, all those successful men get everything, and the "beta males" get nothing but low incomes, ugly or no women, and they never get rich, why?, because they weren't born with the leadership, intelligence, and courage skills required to be successfull.

Tell me if we are all the same, then can you get a date with lets say beyonce?, can you afford a ferrari?, can you find the higgs boson?, according to your statement, if we are all the same, then we all have the same capabilites.

From my point of view, everything is in your DNA, as I said, you either have what it takes or you'll suck at a specific subject.



I'd be embarrased.

Please try do not try to encourage people who doesnt share your ideals, you don't know how it feels to be surpassed/beaten by a lot of people, or probably you just dont care, well I do.

Please don't take offense to this post. I've been lurking and this post just hit something with me.

You don't come across as someone with depression. You come across with someone with an inferiority complex, someone with a huge chip on his shoulder, and someone who instead of making the most with what life has given them, blames everyone else for what they have achieved. Not to mention you have an excuse for not trying just about everything everyone has suggested to improve your situation.

You sound more angry than depressed. Perhaps some counseling to deal with anger is in order?

 

[Bowflex]

Depression happens when the lies you've been taught your entire life, the very lies you spend your entire life re-enforcing to yourself on a daily basis, fail.

 

[LastActionHero]

Depression happens when the lies you've been taught your entire life, the very lies you spend your entire life re-enforcing to yourself on a daily basis, fail.

So True; as I've grown up and become older, I've realized that the more I come to terms with the REAL shit versus all the bullshit I was told growing up it feels like I'm taking a step backwards versus forwards, and it's hard to deal with at times.

 

[Cubsfan23]

pstec.org


it's free. do it.

 

[neojubei]

The problem with writing a list like that is it's being written by a person suffering from a mental illness. It's gonna be biased and so is the way that you interpret it. It also assumes that your situation won't get better because it hasn't in the past X number of years, but that is not a good assumption to make.

I tried to commit suicide when I was 20. I'd suffered with severe depression for 5 or so years. I didn't do a "cry for help". I planned it, I didn't tell anyone or leave a note, and off I went to do it. I won't say how I tried to do it, but needless to say it didn't work and I woke up in the intensive care ward of a hospital. I'm 42 next week and while I have suffered from depression on and off throughout my adult life to varying degrees, I am so fucking glad that my suicide attempt failed.

I have never found the root cause of my depression, if indeed there is one. What I have done is develop a better strategy of coping with it and that lessens the symptoms. That took a long time to do though, as you have to condition yourself to think differently about things, even if at first you don't even believe what it is you're thinking (if you know what I mean). I read some of your posts in the weight loss thread and you sound like me a few years ago. Your confidence is at rock bottom and it's almost like you believe that there is nothing you can do to change things, but there is.

I don't want to see a person commit suicide because they believe that their lowest of the low state is the way it will always be. I'm not qualified to give out medical advice, but if you want to lose weight and get in shape, you can, and you may find a treatment that works for your depression too. It doesn't take your mood to lift by too much for your perspective to start to change, and things get better from there. If you end your life, you will never have the benefit of hindsight like I have. You'll never know what might have been and even if you think "I don't care" right now, that's your illness talking, not the real you.

Sorry I just cannot spend another 10-20 years like this and "help" I have found out takes about 10-20 years which i do not want to go through.

 

[sphinx]

count me in....

having been playing with my PSP for like seems like 8 or 10 hours a day since a couple of weeks. I really want to deny reality, not really coping with what comes ahead.

lost a lot of work (freelancer) and my boyfriend broke with me only to cry and come back to me 20 minutes later out of (what I suspect is) pity.

let's see how I get out of this.

 

[neojubei]

count me in....

having been playing with my PSP for like seems like 8 or 10 hours a day since a couple of weeks. I really want to deny reality, not really coping with what comes ahead.

lost a lot of work (freelancer) and my boyfriend broke with me only to cry and come back to me 20 minutes later out of (what I suspect is) pity.

let's see how I get out of this.

Wow least you had a boyfriend. I never had one in my life. Even thinking about that makes me want to put a power drill in my head. I guess I'll settle on 2 large pepperoni pizzas.

 

[sphinx]

Wow least you had a boyfriend. I never had one in my life. Even thinking about that makes me want to put a power drill in my head.

It's nice to have a relationship but don't overrate it. It really isn't life saving or life changing, specially after rutine sinks in.

think what would happen if your idea of love will fade away when you break with your oh-so-very-wanted partner sometime down the line... not nice.

for me personally, the idea that love is or could be utter bullshit is REALLY depressing.

 

[neojubei]

It's nice to have a relationship but don't overrate it. It really isn't life saving or life changing, specially after rutine sinks in.

think what would happen if your idea of love will fade away when you break with your oh-so-very-wanted partner sometime down the line... not nice.

for me personally, the idea that love is or could be utter bullshit is REALLY depressing.

Never had it so i will never know i guess. Just another reason i hate my life. maybe i should not have been born. this too makes me hate my parents and family members. if i could i would burn the house down with me in it, but i will probably stab myself or shoot myself to death.

 

[thehypocrite]

Change, Concentrate on the things that You, and only you could improve and change them in order to enjoy the life that you have, there're multiple people all around us that have it worst than us and are able to enjoy life, why can't everyone do the same?

I believe that if you want your situation to improve, the most important thing is to recognize that you need to change/improve, if no actions are taken, situation and circumstances will only get worse.

Also, avoid hating anything, is not worth it to fill yourself of negativity for a person or situation, focus on the positive things that you have going for you in life (they are there, trust me) and build up on them, Do different things, experiment, take chances, you're bound to find things that will give you pleasure and satisfaction in the life you have.

Stay strong and if you need help, ask for it, many people are willing to help.

 

[Piano]

Sorry I just cannot spend another 10-20 years like this and "help" I have found out takes about 10-20 years which i do not want to go through.

False. I'll be the first to tell you that 90% of psychiatrists and therapists are total quacks. But the second you find one who's good, one who really 'gets it' and they look you in the eye and tell you it'll get better and you're able to believe them you'll be glad you didn't end it all.

Please don't commit suicide. I know depression is complete fucking shit. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk about it. I'll chat/email/call whatever to keep you from taking your life.

 

[Bowflex]

So True; as I've grown up and become older, I've realized that the more I come to terms with the REAL shit versus all the bullshit I was told growing up it feels like I'm taking a step backwards versus forwards, and it's hard to deal with at times.

You really have two options....lie to yourself and be happy, or tell the truth and be miserable. I've actually gotten to the point where I'm somewhere in between.

 

[Nekofrog]

You really have two options....lie to yourself and be happy, or tell the truth and be miserable. I've actually gotten to the point where I'm somewhere in between.

Isn't that a third option, then?

 

[Bowflex]

It's like are there only two genders? Or three? Or an infinite number for every slight deviation?

 

[SpartanForce]

False. I'll be the first to tell you that 90% of psychiatrists and therapists are total quacks. But the second you find one who's good, one who really 'gets it' and they look you in the eye and tell you it'll get better and you're able to believe them you'll be glad you didn't end it all.

Please don't commit suicide. I know depression is complete fucking shit. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk about it. I'll chat/email/call whatever to keep you from taking your life.

Can I chat with you, sir? Depression comes and goes for me, it's hard sometimes.

 

[Piano]

Can I chat with you, sir? Depression comes and goes for me, it's hard sometimes.

Yeah man PM me.

 

[Nekofrog]

It's like are there only two genders? Or three? Or an infinite number for every slight deviation?

You said there were only two options... but then said you are in between them. So a third option.

 

[scar tissue]

This. Hell looking on Facebook makes me realize how shitty my life is compared to others.

No, just no.
I used to think that way too, but after about a year with facebook I've come to an interesting conclusion: most people just add everyone they talk to for more than 2 minutes. I've often met people while being with friends, never seeing them again, and 2 weeks later I notice the others have all added those guys I'd already almost forgotten about.
I feel like I'm the only one not adding every random retard I meet.

Seriously, people with over 50 friends on facebook either spend lots of time abroad, are some kind of minor celebrity (e.g. play in a band) or just add anyone they talk to.
And the status updates,... are specifically geared towards making the person look good. Only an attention-whore would post stuff like 'my life sucks' or 'so depressed '

Edit: Look, no-one can guarantee that things will get better. I'll flat out tell you that maybe they won't.
But if you try, there is a good chance they will. I was at rock bottom less than a year ago. I had 3 "friends", and none of them lived in my immediate vicinity. I'd trudge to university, feel like a total alien, trudge home and watch TV. I suffered from depression and social anxiety all the time. I was on a shitload of medications. But somewhere along the line I resumed fighting. I did stuff I always wanted to do, even though I knew the road there was going to be hard. I don't want to get too specific but if some of that shit had gone wrong I might've killed myself because the emotional trauma would've been too much.
Now you might say that I got lucky, and someone else might not, and that's right. But in order to get lucky, I had to take a shot. And not just one shot - I took a lot of shots. Most didn't work out, but one or two did. And here I am now. My life is still fucked up in some aspects, but all in all, I'm rather content. I still suffer from SA occasionally, and once in a while depression comes back.
But I don't take any medication anymore and I know that people out there care for me and believe in me, even though they are not obligated to due to blood relations. Yeah, people not related to me believing in me actually was a novel concept to me. That's how fucked up my social life was.

Fellow SA sufferers often tell me how I'm so harsh to myself and how they could never do that, but the truth is: I'm not a particularly brave or even diligent man. I'm lazy as fuck and half of the time I can't muster up the courage or motivation to do anything.
But I never cancel a plan just because I didn't couldn't do it the first time. I postpone it and try again later.
And that, I believe, is the secret to my success: think long-term, find out what you have to do and do it by any means possible.

 

[demon]

I've been getting more and more depressed lately. I recently hit 30 and I was hoping the feeling of "holy fuck I'm old now" would go away after a few months but it's only gotten worse. Other people my age have families and careers, and I'm making less than 13 bucks an hour answering phonecalls, have never had one real accomplishment that meant anything to me, never been on a date, never had a real social life or a group of friends, never been to a party, .....well the list goes on. I'm constantly obsessing over having missed out on my youth, and I can't move on from it. I feel like I've missed out on the process and experience of becoming an adult, and it's left me with something missing deep at my core. And I feel it missing whenever I'm faced with something I want out of life but can't have- a new job I would have to interview for, being in a group of people in a social setting and wanting to make friends, a girl I want to talk to, whatever. I just don't have the self-esteem, self-confidence or experience.

And now that I'm 30 I have people (mostly family, not like I have a lot of people in my life) breathing down my neck about what I should be doing now that I'm 30, making comments and cracking jokes about being an old man or "too old" for this or that, and the reality of being too old to make up for everything I missed out on is really setting in. Everything just feels more hopeless now than it ever has been. I have no confidence in myself to succeed at anything, I can't even picture myself being successful. I feel like I've given up any real hope that life will get better, that I'll somehow get my life on track and have a sense of normalcy with things like a social life, group of friends, dating life, sex, a job that doesn't make me wish I'd just died in my sleep every morning I wake up. I've never been suicidal, but lately I've found myself fantasizing about it more, and if you asked me if I thought it's possible I'd kill myself before I'm 40 if nothing in my life changes, I honestly don't know. I'm just tired of the passing years leaving me with nothing but regrets instead of interesting stories and meaningful accomplishments, and I'm tired of being disappointed with life. I'm fucking miserable, and I hate myself. Sometimes it seems so surreal to think that my life has really turned out this badly, that I actually made it to 30 without ever having gone on a goddamn date. What the fuck did I ever do to deserve this? Where did I fuck up so badly? I'm just sick of being me. I guess this isn't really going anywhere, I just needed to rant. Went to bed and woke up feeling particularly miserable with myself.

 

[Count Dookkake]

Depression sucks, but I try to think of it like this.

Things might get better if you choose to live. They definitely won't get better if you are dead. They will just cease.

 

[clearacell]

I'm up to chat with anyone with depression! I have an anxiety disorder and depression is a close cousin to that. I can try to help out anyone who just needs someone to listen.

 

[demon]

This is more or less the way I think about suicide.

I think "just ceasing" is good enough for some people in their minds. That's kind of the idea.

 

[scar tissue]

I've been getting more and more depressed lately. I recently hit 30 and I was hoping the feeling of "holy fuck I'm old now" would go away after a few months but it's only gotten worse. Other people my age have families and careers, and I'm making less than 13 bucks an hour answering phonecalls, have never had one real accomplishment that meant anything to me, never been on a date, never had a real social life or a group of friends, never been to a party, .....well the list goes on. I'm constantly obsessing over having missed out on my youth, and I can't move on from it. I feel like I've missed out on the process and experience of becoming an adult, and it's left me with something missing deep at my core. And I feel it missing whenever I'm faced with something I want out of life but can't have- a new job I would have to interview for, being in a group of people in a social setting and wanting to make friends, a girl I want to talk to, whatever. I just don't have the self-esteem, self-confidence or experience.

And now that I'm 30 I have people (mostly family, not like I have a lot of people in my life) breathing down my neck about what I should be doing now that I'm 30, making comments and cracking jokes about being an old man or "too old" for this or that, and the reality of being too old to make up for everything I missed out on is really setting in. Everything just feels more hopeless now than it ever has been. I have no confidence in myself to succeed at anything, I can't even picture myself being successful. I feel like I've given up any real hope that life will get better, that I'll somehow get my life on track and have a sense of normalcy with things like a social life, group of friends, dating life, sex, a job that doesn't make me wish I'd just died in my sleep every morning I wake up. I've never been suicidal, but lately I've found myself fantasizing about it more, and if you asked me if I thought it's possible I'd kill myself before I'm 40 if nothing in my life changes, I honestly don't know. I'm just tired of the passing years leaving me with nothing but regrets instead of interesting stories and meaningful accomplishments, and I'm tired of being disappointed with life. I'm fucking miserable, and I hate myself. Sometimes it seems so surreal to think that my life has really turned out this badly, that I actually made it to 30 without ever having gone on a goddamn date. What the fuck did I ever do to deserve this? Where did I fuck up so badly? I'm just sick of being me. I guess this isn't really going anywhere, I just needed to rant. Went to bed and woke up feeling particularly miserable with myself.

Fuck being too old. Quite a few of my friends are above 30 and not one of them has kids or is married. Most of the time, they don't really behave any different than I do at age 22.
It's not too late...yet. Seriously.
Get your ass out there. Start a therapy. Go do stuff you always wanted to do. Join some kind of association or club. All of this helps you find out who you really are. Don't be afraid to be different than other people. Being the right amount of eccentric makes you interesting.
Fact: if you present yourself the right way, you can get away with almost anything. It's all about being confident with who and what you are.

And most importantly: come to terms with the fact that life is unfair as hell. Some people just get dealt a shitty hand.
But as long as you live in a western society, your hand is probably not shitty enough to make it impossible for you to achieve any kind of happiness.

 

[BlazeDSM]

Wow, I went into this depressed as the OP and still, I left even more depressed. I know I have a lot of issues and what not but I hope everyone gets them resolved somehow. I've already attempted suicide last year, I'm still here so I guess that means something. I don't even know why I'm posting this but just good luck to everyone and I hope it gets better. It hasn't for me but i'm trying....

 

[CrocMother]

This thread makes me think about one of the many amazing things that Friedrich Nietzsche said. I'm paraphrasing here, but it was something along the lines of

"First we feel the emotion, and then we try to figure out why we felt it."

Really changed the way I looked at feelings (depression especially), because intuitively we think that for us to be depressed there must be a reason. We convince ourselves of what makes us depressed, and then obsess over it. This obsession is worse than the initial feeling itself.

Just remember that it is in our nature to feel, and there isn't always a reason.

 

[SolKane]

I've been getting more and more depressed lately. I recently hit 30 and I was hoping the feeling of "holy fuck I'm old now" would go away after a few months but it's only gotten worse. Other people my age have families and careers, and I'm making less than 13 bucks an hour answering phonecalls, have never had one real accomplishment that meant anything to me, never been on a date, never had a real social life or a group of friends, never been to a party, .....well the list goes on. I'm constantly obsessing over having missed out on my youth, and I can't move on from it. I feel like I've missed out on the process and experience of becoming an adult, and it's left me with something missing deep at my core. And I feel it missing whenever I'm faced with something I want out of life but can't have- a new job I would have to interview for, being in a group of people in a social setting and wanting to make friends, a girl I want to talk to, whatever. I just don't have the self-esteem, self-confidence or experience.

And now that I'm 30 I have people (mostly family, not like I have a lot of people in my life) breathing down my neck about what I should be doing now that I'm 30, making comments and cracking jokes about being an old man or "too old" for this or that, and the reality of being too old to make up for everything I missed out on is really setting in. Everything just feels more hopeless now than it ever has been. I have no confidence in myself to succeed at anything, I can't even picture myself being successful. I feel like I've given up any real hope that life will get better, that I'll somehow get my life on track and have a sense of normalcy with things like a social life, group of friends, dating life, sex, a job that doesn't make me wish I'd just died in my sleep every morning I wake up. I've never been suicidal, but lately I've found myself fantasizing about it more, and if you asked me if I thought it's possible I'd kill myself before I'm 40 if nothing in my life changes, I honestly don't know. I'm just tired of the passing years leaving me with nothing but regrets instead of interesting stories and meaningful accomplishments, and I'm tired of being disappointed with life. I'm fucking miserable, and I hate myself. Sometimes it seems so surreal to think that my life has really turned out this badly, that I actually made it to 30 without ever having gone on a goddamn date. What the fuck did I ever do to deserve this? Where did I fuck up so badly? I'm just sick of being me. I guess this isn't really going anywhere, I just needed to rant. Went to bed and woke up feeling particularly miserable with myself.

I don't know you except through your GAF posts, but you seem like a pretty cool guy. There's nothing really to tell you that you probably don't already know, but I hope you can find some direction and know that someone is at least rooting for you.