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[MisterLuffy]

Beyond Falch's excellent advice, there are many Computer Science majors here on GAF. I confess, I was Computer Engineering/Electrical Engineering, but for the purposes of this discussion, allow me the slight discrepancy. = D

Computer Science (and programming in general), if you're suited for the task, is a remarkably fulfilling field. Writing code, writing algorithms, is an entirely unique blend of creativity and analytical skills, a riddle with infinite answers, a field where the questions themselves are ofttimes unknown. The field grants upon you a type of wizardry, for the world is run on computers, and so few really know anything about how they work...but you will, just snap your fingers, you made a script using regular expressions to intelligently update a database, snap your fingers, you created a clever way of expressing data to illuminate a topic.

On the other hand, while being a doctor can be very fulfilling, it's not roses-and-dances. My father is one; I should know. He works very hard, 60+ hour workweeks, and has to deal very often with malpractice suits and horrible insurance company policies; he often can't give the treatment he feels is fully correct. Meanwhile, your journey there will comprise another six to ten years of schooling, during which you will likely accrue near or over a hundred thousand dollars in debt.

It's your decision...do as you like. How can parents be ashamed of a computer scientist, anyway? That's dope as fuck.

I got my Honors Bachelors degree in Software Engineering last year, and it's a great field to get into. It can be rewarding, well paid, great hours, even better benefits, and you can pretty much solve any problem, or work on any project you can imagine. The scope of employment within the industry is incredible too, anything from Analysis, Design, Marketing, Development, Consultancy and beyond.

Also, likely any company you'd get working with after college will be a multinational, which will open up doors most other industries can only dream of. Imagine being able to relocate somewhere else in the world, with a life already set up for you with regards to employment, relocation assistance etc.

You're not making the wrong choice buddy

Thanks guys, I hope I can endure the difficulties of this major. I really hate to be intimidated by the fact that it's a hard major. I might stick with it to see if I can handle the classes I'm taking for my major. If I can't, then I might switch my major to another but I would be way behind because I'm supposed to transfer to 4 year college and by now I have to take major classes.

 

[Bagels]

Thanks guys, I hope I can endure the difficulties of this major. I really hate to be intimidated by the fact that it's a hard major. I might stick with it to see if I can handle the classes I'm taking for my major. If I can't, then I might switch my major to another but I would be way behind because I'm supposed to transfer to 4 year college and by now I have to take major classes.

You have to figure that work will take up a good chunk of your waking hours, so it's best if you end up doing something you actually like/love. And it's not like you want to be a poet - a computer science degree will give you lots of options.

Honestly, you'll be glad you chose a hard major, looking back. I worked my ass off in college and it paid off, not only in terms of giving me options for careers and post-graduate education, but it also helped shape me as a person. It's good to have pushed yourself. That's the only way you'll grow. I left college way more confident, smarter, faster, leaner, meaner than when I entered. If you take college seriously, it will pay off.


Having (hopefully) finished reading and editing, the textbook chapter from hell should be more or less DONE. Now I can get back to my real passion - providing questionable mental health advice to strangers on a videogame forum!

Keep at it, depressed GAF! Don't lose hope. If nothing else, realize that you're not alone. Depression tricks you into thinking that you're all alone in the world. Read the posts here, or think about all the people you know. I thought I was alone in my suffering in medical school, but when I "came out" as depressed to my friends, I was shocked at how many people told me their own stories of mood disorders, eating disorders, hospitalizations, suicide attempts. Depression is incredibly common, it's real, and it can take a lot of work to get better. The good news is, most people can and do get better. And there all sorts of new treatment options on the horizon. Hopefully, the next few years will see the development of the first biomarkers for depression - there will be a blood test that will identify people at risk for depression; a level of SOMETHING, a number that will "prove" that your depression is not just "all in your head"; and markers that suggest which treatments might work best for you. We've already got a piece of that last one - you can have a genetic test done to look at the enzymes in your liver that metabolize antidepressants. If you're a fast or slow metabolizer of, say, Effexor, you may need a higher or lower dose, respectively.

It has been great talking to some of you in PMs, comparing our experiences. And I'm learning a lot by trying to find answers to your questions, so keep them coming! We're all in this together. Depression is like a really shitty club, but it's a club nonetheless.

 

[Uchip]

It has been great talking to some of you in PMs

yea
we didn't really say much

 

[Keru_Shiri]

Lately, I've been experience bouts of depression post-workout. Does this happen to anyone else? I thought exercise was supposed to make yo feel better?

 

[ClassyPenguin]

I've had that happen too.

 

[Jimothy]

yea
we didn't really say much

Talking without saying anything.

Story of my life.

 

[Bagels]

yea
we didn't really say much

I think I wrote enough for all of us.

 

[MisterLuffy]

My apologies for blabbing on how my life sucks. I went to my living room to watch Master Chef with my family, when I got there, my dad keeps asking me what I want to do, I said Computer Science. My older brother told me that I have to study hard everyday since this major is complicated. When they keep talking about it, I just left feeling upset with myself because I'm not putting a lot of time on my major. But they're right, I'm not doing anything or even working hard to understand my major. I went to watch Master Chef in my room (well technically me and my brothers room since we're sharing) burst in tears because my life is just pathetic. It's like I want to end my life since I have no future to look forward to. I was in tears for quite a while. I seriously just want to isolate myself from this world.

 

[Piano]

So it's come to this. Docpan's seeing a shrink.

Why? Because I've become an alcohol-abusing, drug-using, manic-depressive, caffeine-fueled rage machine. Yes, worse than ever. I've surpassed MY limit, which is pretty fucking high.

The doctor's diagnosis is that I'm suffering from bi-polar disorder, I inherited it from my parents, and certain conditions in my life right now have pushed me over the edge. The best I can describe it is that I will feel literally invincible at times, followed by some zoning out, followed by rage/sadness/isolation. This continues in an endless cycle every day, and I've been suffering from anxiety attacks. Essentially, the walls feel like they're closing in on me and I have to BAIL OUT at that moment at any cost. There's no rhyme or reason to my rationality anymore, and I break a lot of shit.

I've always enjoyed getting plastered, but as of late I've been using it to self-medicate, and just like everything else I take it to the extreme. I got physically chucked out of a bar last weekend for being a belligerent asshole (someone called me 'gay' for fist pumping and I flipped shit, refusing to let it go. Not proud of it, let's just say tables were upended).

So I don't know what the fuck is going to happen. I have an appointment next week to talk about medication. From what I read, a lot of bi-polar meds have the side effect of weight gain. If that's the case, I may as well not even go, because I would sooner flush them and turn into a shit-flinging maniac then risk gaining flab.

People get a kick out of reading about my antics, but it's starting to get out of hand. I'm only in control of myself half the time. It's time to take care of this shit.

Two questions for the rest of you pill-poppers:

1) Will it affect my sexual performance?

and

2) Can I still take a hella shitload of caffeine and bodybuilding supplements?

When it comes to mood stabilization, there are more 'upper' medications and 'downer' medications, depending on whether you tend onto the manic or the depressive side of the spectrum. Aside from lithium (which is effective but difficult to manage and potentially dangerous), there are two classes of drugs generally used for bipolar disorder - anti-convulsants and anti-psychotics, the latter of the two more recently coming into use for bipolar maintenance.

Personally, I'd stick with the anti-convulsants. I've been on a high dose of Lamictal for ~6 months now and have had few side effects. Some excess anxiety, more sensitive skin, and mood instability when I was still playing with the dosage.

The anti-psychotics, on the other hand, made me bonkers. Seroquel did balance me out, but I could FEEL it slowing down my brain. It is, after all, a medication for schizophrenia. It made me into a complete zombie, requiring 10+ hours of sleep every night and struggling to muster any mental, physical or emotional energy. I used it to smooth out my titration up the Lamictal ladder but dropped it ASAP afterwards. Abilify, on the other hand, gave me a 10 day hypomanic episode at only half of the minimum dose. Luckily I dropped it before I crashed, but it jacked me sky fucking high. Both medicines seem like things that could rot my brain.

I would definitely cut caffeine. It can cause anxiety, furthering the stress on your behavioral patterns and nervous system. Not necessarily awful, but definitely not good. If you really need it, switch to tea. Avoid energy drinks at all costs.

Not sure about supplements.

And as always, medication is a tool, not a solution. You've got to learn to recognize your triggers and be ready to weather the occasional storm with a cool head. Therapy will help.

 

[Feep]

My apologies for blabbing on how my life sucks. I went to my living room to watch Master Chef with my family, when I got there, my dad keeps asking me what I want to do, I said Computer Science. My older brother told me that I have to study hard everyday since this major is complicated. When they keep talking about it, I just left feeling upset with myself because I'm not putting a lot of time on my major. But they're right, I'm not doing anything or even working hard to understand my major. I went to watch Master Chef in my room (well technically me and my brothers room since we're sharing) burst in tears because my life is just pathetic. It's like I want to end my life since I have no future to look forward to. I was in tears for quite a while. I seriously just want to isolate myself from this world.

Most intelligent people in the world will tell you to work smarter, not harder. Is there a test coming up, and you're totally fucked? Okay, time to stop watching Master Chef. But if you're currently comprehending and following along in your current classes, well, you're on pace with what your program has designated as a proper pace of learning and progress, so you're *absolutely fine*.

I admit I might have been in the upper percentiles of my class, but there were times where my friends in English, Architecture, Business, and Pre-med had more busywork than me by a country mile. That's the thing about STEM majors...there isn't as much "assigned work". You just have to understand, and if you do, you're usually fine.

Comp. Sci. is not an easy major, but don't let anything but the coursework itself force you out of it. You can do it!

P.S. Being a doctor is also hard as fuck.

 

[Trigunner]

burst in tears because my life is just pathetic. It's like I want to end my life since I have no future to look forward to. I was in tears for quite a while. I seriously just want to isolate myself from this world.

Yeah, the no future thing is a big hurdle to get over. If it makes you feel better, it probably won't, and even though comparisons are annoying, look at my life. I'm 28, I never finished college, I don't know how to drive, I don't have a bank account, no money of my own, I don't work, I have no friends, the only person I really talk to is my mother, I spend months not leaving my apartment at all, I have OCD. I spend all day on the computer, or pace around or sleep. I'm frustrated all the time that I can't get a gun and the only way out for me will be painful and I'm scared of that so I probably won't go through with it and it makes me hate myself. Now go and enjoy your life.

 

[MisterLuffy]

Most intelligent people in the world will tell you to work smarter, not harder. Is there a test coming up, and you're totally fucked? Okay, time to stop watching Master Chef. But if you're currently comprehending and following along in your current classes, well, you're on pace with what your program has designated as a proper pace of learning and progress, so you're *absolutely fine*.

I admit I might have been in the upper percentiles of my class, but there were times where my friends in English, Architecture, Business, and Pre-med had more busywork than me by a country mile. That's the thing about STEM majors...there isn't as much "assigned work". You just have to understand, and if you do, you're usually fine.

Comp. Sci. is not an easy major, but don't let anything but the coursework itself force you out of it. You can do it!

P.S. Being a doctor is also hard as fuck.

I really want to do it, it's just that I don't have the will like anyone else have. I can easily give up on things that I feel it's difficult. I really want to take your word. I just feel stuck right now.

 

[MisterLuffy]

Yeah, the no future thing is a big hurdle to get over. If it makes you feel better, it probably won't, and even though comparisons are annoying, look at my life. I'm 28, I never finished college, I don't know how to drive, I don't have a bank account, no money of my own, I don't work, I have no friends, the only person I really talk to is my mother, I spend months not leaving my apartment at all, I have OCD. I spend all day on the computer, or pace around or sleep. I'm frustrated all the time that I can't get a gun and the only way out for me will be painful and I'm scared of that so I probably won't go through with it and it makes me hate myself. Now go and enjoy your life.

I spend so much time on the computer and I never left the house. Sometimes I do when my brothers is watching a movie or playing basketball. Even though I say I want to end my life, I really don't want to go through that phase because it's not worth it. I usually don't talk to my problems with my parents, I just keep it to myself. I want to enjoy my life, but something like this gets in the way.

 

[Trigunner]

I spend so much time on the computer and I never left the house. Sometimes I do when my brothers is watching a movie or playing basketball. Even though I say I want to end my life, I really don't want to go through that phase because it's not worth it. I usually don't talk to my problems with my parents, I just keep it to myself. I want to enjoy my life, but something like this gets in the way.

Your parents don't say anything about you staying inside all the time? It's easy to say you want to enjoy your life; putting in the effort to get there is the hard part. I know what I could do to get some enjoyment, but I don't have the energy to try and I assume I'll screw up and go back to how I am.

 

[2AdEPT]

Has anyone majored in Computer Science? I'm having major crisis, but I chose Computer Science right out of the bat. Has anyone majored in Computer Science? My dad keeps telling me to become a doctor, but idk. This is my other depressing feeling because major is the only thing I have in making my life more meaningful. I feel useless in this world. What's worse is that I didn't even get my dad anything for fathers day. Some son I am.

Luffy....and others who are just starting out....everything seems so important when you are young and that you have to make the grandest of choices now or it will result in epic fail.....the reality is that you can always change your mind...the reality is that most people change their career 4 times, let alone their major. I knew i was smart as my mom gave me the tests for mensa and I passed. So I wanted to be a doctor or research scientist but broke down the last year in high school because of the pressure...I took night classes in University at first and graduated from kinesiology 7 years later taking it slow, worked a bit part time and ran track as an amateur athlete. I know a lot about health now and have a masters degree and since I work for the government of canada will have a million dollar pension...things will work out for you also. Two of the three psychiatrists at my work STARTED med. school in their 40's and didn't start until they were 50. I know this is an option for me also as I just turned 40 but I will just rest on my pension and teach university or something instead when i can start collecting the pension...each to their own....stress doesn't sit well for me..never has, so I just try to help as best i can...the doctor can't do it all, they need helpers like me under them, so be it.

Today, I'm having a full flight or fight panic response, for no reason. I'm literally not worried about any particular thing, but I feel queasy, my heart rate is elevated and I want to run away.

I really hate my brain sometimes.

this is more common thsn you think...I havebeen working on ridding myself of these symptoms for years....only just recently was able to fend off waking at 4am with panic symptoms and actaully get back to sleep. See #"darth vader" breathing, #stimulting the pituitary gland, #nor-epinephrine.

I... wanted to post here. To express how I'm feeling to someone.

Good start. I hear you. Probably hundreds more did as well and can empathsize.

 

[MisterLuffy]

Your parents don't say anything about you staying inside all the time? It's easy to say you want to enjoy your life; putting in the effort to get there is the hard part. I know what I could do to get some enjoyment, but I don't have the energy to try and I assume I'll screw up and go back to how I am.

They say something, like my dad telling me why I don't go with my brothers out or get a job. My mother tells me to get a job because she hates when I'm at home all day. I do have summer class though.

 

[2AdEPT]

I spend so much time on the computer and I never left the house. Sometimes I do when my brothers is watching a movie or playing basketball. Even though I say I want to end my life, I really don't want to go through that phase because it's not worth it. I usually don't talk to my problems with my parents, I just keep it to myself. I want to enjoy my life, but something like this gets in the way.

Sounds like you are in the same boat as me...don't like doing the work more becuase of fear of failure than laziness...I could do the work...just couldn't stand it if i failed so I procrastinated and it became a self-fuflilling prophecy...now I get to see the people less intelligent than me run the world. I say tough it out and do the work...if you fail you fail...at least you tried.

where th fcuk has my spelling gone? ooh yeah I am still off work with a concussion from a car accident...sorry folks...my spelling is usually impeckable.

 

[Feep]

I really want to do it, it's just that I don't have the will like anyone else have. I can easily give up on things that I feel it's difficult. I really want to take your word. I just feel stuck right now.

Yeah, but are you scared because you're just HEARING it's difficult, or because you're taking classes and you're like, "Holy fuck"?

Don't believe other people. If you're taking the classes and you're miserable and you genuinely can't figure it out, well, maybe it's not for you. But you've at least got to SEE.

 

[MisterLuffy]

Yeah, but are you scared because you're just HEARING it's difficult, or because you're taking classes and you're like, "Holy fuck"?

Don't believe other people. If you're taking the classes and you're miserable and you genuinely can't figure it out, well, maybe it's not for you. But you've at least got to SEE.

I sometimes get this pressure feeling before the first day of school. I usually feel intimidated when I go to my classes and expecting something hard.

 

[Feep]

I sometimes get this pressure feeling before the first day of school. I usually feel intimidated when I go to my classes and expecting something hard.

So chill. The worst case is what you already THINK will happen, so you might as well see, right? If it's too much, it's too much, and you figure something else out.

 

[MisterLuffy]

So chill. The worst case is what you already THINK will happen, so you might as well see, right? If it's too much, it's too much, and you figure something else out.

It's only the beginning, usually half way of the semester I get used to my classes.

 

[2AdEPT]

I sometimes get this pressure feeling before the first day of school. I usually feel intimidated when I go to my classes and expecting something hard.

The truth is that if you really want to do something...you can do it. If you have some sort of disabling stress...and I know i did/still do........then all it measniis you may have ot put in a few extra hours than some hotshot that has a bettterknack for it....big deal. If you really want it it will be OK. If it makes your skin crawl...try something else. I found that the pressure was off helping the lowest of the low in society...they usually appreciate my help and all I have to do to help is listen really...advice is not so impotant. I get paid more for being a caring person, not so much for being productive...and all is well.

Every once in a while I feel I should have toughed out a shot at medicine, or did computer science...but these options still exist for me.....I just know that the work it would take for me ot do these things now late in my life with a family is not worth it. The only reason people lke your parents put pressure on you to do well now is that it is actually EASIER when you are young and your brain hasn't stopped working right yet.

Pressure is an illusion...just do your best and get interested in your material...I absolutely loved going to class in kinesiology ...felt like a free spot on the bingo pad....I just thought there would be no job for a phys ed grad except foot locker....boy was i wrong. ANY degree is grest and puts you ahead...my friend finsihed anthropology...bsically no job right? Well now he is an URBAN PLANNER....he gets to decide how the gas station gets built becuase apparently he knows how humans should occupy spaces....moral is if you like it you will do your best...if you best aint good enough so be it.

 

[MisterLuffy]

The truth is that if you really want to do something...you can do it. If you have some sort of disabling stress...and I know i did/still do........then all it measniis you may have ot put in a few extra hours than some hotshot that has a bettterknack for it....big deal. If you really want it it will be OK. If it makes your skin crawl...try something else. I found that the pressure was off helping the lowest of the low in society...they usually appreciate my help and all I have to do to help is listen really...advice is not so impotant. I get paid more for being a caring person, not so much for being productive...and all is well.

Every once in a while I feel I should have toughed out a shot at medicine, or did computer science...but these options still exist for me.....I just know that the work it would take for me ot do these things now late in my life with a family is not worth it. The only reason people lke your parents put pressure on you to do well now is that it is actually EASIER when you are young and your brain hasn't stopped working right yet.

Pressure is an illusion...just do your best and get interested in your material...I absolutely loved going to class in kinesiology ...felt like a free spot on the bingo pad....I just thought there would be no job for a phys ed grad except foot locker....boy was i wrong. ANY degree is grest and puts you ahead...my friend finsihed anthropology...bsically no job right? Well now he is an URBAN PLANNER....he gets to decide how the gas station gets built becuase apparently he knows how humans should occupy spaces....moral is if you like it you will do your best...if you best aint good enough so be it.

I'll try my best in liking the classes I'm taking for computer science. I was also thinking in majoring medicine for some reason.

 

[Drealmcc0y]

They say something, like my dad telling me why I don't go with my brothers out or get a job. My mother tells me to get a job because she hates when I'm at home all day. I do have summer class though.

You sound a little bit like I used to be. Turn that shit around now. At the end of the day, its clear you want to be something better than you are right now. You gotta look at yourself and say "Im a sad fucking cunt and I want to change" Dont wait until you're 21 like I did to make the big changes. I am 22 now and a vastly greater person than I was less than a year ago., but im not nearly happy yet, this time next year I want to be doing vastly better than I am right now.

Find a passion, form relationships, dont be afraid to get out there and fuck what everyone else thinks, trust me its alot more fun that way.

 

[Prodigal]

Anyone know of any decent methods/drugs to reduce libido? It's not that it's out of control but I feel like my life would be better without that persistent desire for the opposite sex. I've been depressed for a while but even catching a glimpse of someone attractive is, for some reason, a painful experience. Masturbation has become a chore and it only serves to quell those urges that rise up now and again. Does anyone else feel like these aspects of every day life have become more of a nuisance to them than pleasure?

 

[neojubei]

Anyone know of any decent methods/drugs to reduce libido? It's not that it's out of control but I feel like my life would be better without that persistent desire for the opposite sex. I've been depressed for a while but even catching a glimpse of someone attractive is, for some reason, a painful experience. Masturbation has become a chore and it only serves to quell those urges that rise up now and again. Does anyone else feel like these aspects of every day life have become more of a nuisance to them than pleasure?

Wish I could help. I have the same problem but with guys of the same sex. I should bring this up with my therapist. Riding the train home everyday sucks since a lot of cute guys ride the train.

Anywyas I think I might try electroshock therapy hopefully it will fry some brain cells and maybe kill the person I am right now. I think this is the final option if this doesn't work I will jump in front of a train.

 

[diamondstar]

Lately, I've been experience bouts of depression post-workout. Does this happen to anyone else? I thought exercise was supposed to make yo feel better?

This can happen pre or post workout for me. Even if my lifts are good I just still feel depressed. That is when I started to realize that I may need meds or professional help.

I think it happens to me because deep down I am depressed about something else that I may not be specifically thinking of but it lingers in the back of my head.

I am just working hard on everything that is possibly making me depressed:my car situation and my relationship. If I am still depressed after that I will try to pinpoint the cause and work on it. One thing that I know I can't get away from is the fear of getting old and dieing. Every time I think about either for a second, I almost have panic attacks.

 

[MisterLuffy]

You sound a little bit like I used to be. Turn that shit around now. At the end of the day, its clear you want to be something better than you are right now. You gotta look at yourself and say "Im a sad fucking cunt and I want to change" Dont wait until you're 21 like I did to make the big changes. I am 22 now and a vastly greater person than I was less than a year ago., but im not nearly happy yet, this time next year I want to be doing vastly better than I am right now.

Find a passion, form relationships, dont be afraid to get out there and fuck what everyone else thinks, trust me its alot more fun that way.

Lol. The sad part is that I am 21 years old. I need to get my life together, I really want to live with happiness, and being successful.

 

[JB1981]

So it's come to this. Docpan's seeing a shrink.

Why? Because I've become an alcohol-abusing, drug-using, manic-depressive, caffeine-fueled rage machine. Yes, worse than ever. I've surpassed MY limit, which is pretty fucking high.

The doctor's diagnosis is that I'm suffering from bi-polar disorder, I inherited it from my parents, and certain conditions in my life right now have pushed me over the edge. The best I can describe it is that I will feel literally invincible at times, followed by some zoning out, followed by rage/sadness/isolation. This continues in an endless cycle every day, and I've been suffering from anxiety attacks. Essentially, the walls feel like they're closing in on me and I have to BAIL OUT at that moment at any cost. There's no rhyme or reason to my rationality anymore, and I break a lot of shit.

I've always enjoyed getting plastered, but as of late I've been using it to self-medicate, and just like everything else I take it to the extreme. I got physically chucked out of a bar last weekend for being a belligerent asshole (someone called me 'gay' for fist pumping and I flipped shit, refusing to let it go. Not proud of it, let's just say tables were upended).

So I don't know what the fuck is going to happen. I have an appointment next week to talk about medication. From what I read, a lot of bi-polar meds have the side effect of weight gain. If that's the case, I may as well not even go, because I would sooner flush them and turn into a shit-flinging maniac then risk gaining flab.

People get a kick out of reading about my antics, but it's starting to get out of hand. I'm only in control of myself half the time. It's time to take care of this shit.

Two questions for the rest of you pill-poppers:

1) Will it affect my sexual performance?

and

2) Can I still take a hella shitload of caffeine and bodybuilding supplements?

1.) Depends, I take Lexapro 20mg for Generalized Anxiety/Depression and I have noticed a decreased sex drive for sure. I did not experience this at all on Paxil. Paxil actually seemed to work much better for me.

2.) Caffeine is bad for people with panic disorder so you should probably stay away. What kind of bodybuilding supplements. Are we taking metabolism boosters? Probably a bad idea for someone with panic/bipolar disorder. Creatine, protein and all that stuff is fine, though.

Don't worry about weight gain too much. If your metabolism is good I doubt you will gain much weight, especially if you exercise regularly (which it sounds like you are).

 

[Volimar]

Was having a pretty good day until my nephew came in and said someone was outside taking pictures of the house. Then he gave me a manilla envelope from the guy that said to call my mortgage company.


Shit.

 

[peach]

Today, I'm having a full flight or fight panic response, for no reason. I'm literally not worried about any particular thing, but I feel queasy, my heart rate is elevated and I want to run away.

I really hate my brain sometimes.

Panic attacks are often unprovoked. It's the worst thing to not know what I'm worrying about... I can't make it go away if I can't figure it out.

 

[Volimar]

Panic attacks are often unprovoked. It's the worst thing to not know what I'm worrying about... I can't make it go away if I can't figure it out.

Mine are the opposite. Financial uncertainty almost always lead to my attacks. Perhaps it's just things that we feel are out of our control that are the triggers...

 

[peach]

Mine are the opposite. Financial uncertainty almost always lead to my attacks. Perhaps it's just things that we feel are out of our control that are the triggers...

Those are often mine. I have problems with being paranoid about my health (which is fine) and it usually results in panic. Coming from a family with a lot of mental illness, I've always worried (go figure) it would start happening to me eventually. I am 26 and started Zoloft two weeks ago. It is working. I am also going to do CBT at the suggestion of my dr. once I find the right counselor to learn to deal better. I don't want to have to rely on medication forever but at this moment in my life, it is what I needed as my everyday life was being effected. I have always been the "strong" one in my family... who had to calm everyone down when they had panic attacks. It took a major toll over time.

 

[neojubei]

Anyone often think they will never meet anyone or just too ugly or fat. I guess i am constantly thinking about this. A lot of people around me are pairing up or getting married or dating and i dont think it can happen for me. I took so many people of my facebook because i was tired of seeing their photos of their boyfriend or changing their status from single to dating or married. Being gay doesn't help any because to even meet someone you have to look good and fit and i am neither. I also feel like i am past my prime my twenties wasted. Just thinking about it makes me want to put a screwdriver in my eye. Guys on the internet or dating websites that i like definitely are not into guys like me which makes me feel to inadequate. I hate looking at myself in the mirror as i can see nothing good in my face or features. Stuff like this makes me hate my parents for giving birth to me and God for giving me a life i hate so much.

 

[Az987]

Anyone often think they will never meet anyone or just too ugly or fat. I guess i am constantly thinking about this. A lot of people around me are pairing up or getting married or dating and i dont think it can happen for me. I took so many people of my facebook because i was tired of seeing their photos of their boyfriend or changing their status from single to dating or married. Being gay doesn't help any because to even meet someone you have to look good and fit and i am neither. I also feel like i am past my prime my twenties wasted. Just thinking about it makes me want to put a screwdriver in my eye. Guys on the internet or dating websites that i like definitely are not into guys like me which makes me feel to inadequate. I hate looking at myself in the mirror as i can see nothing good in my face or features. Stuff like this makes me hate my parents for giving birth to me and God for giving me a life i hate so much.

Pretty sure we've all been there. Depression and self esteem issues go hand and hand, my friend.

As a teenager I thought I was ugly because I didn't have a girlfriend so I started to workout as much as possible. That made me like my body but I still hated my face.

With time I've come to realize I'm not ugly. My therapist use to always tell me to tell myself nice things in the mirror and I always thought that was stupid and never did it but I started doing it recently and it does seem to help.



Anyone else here have tardive dyskinesia? I stopped taking abilify because I started getting it.. that was back in August of last year and it hasn't fully gone away.

I don't notice it much but I can't keep things steady. I'm trying to take a picture of myself and it keeps coming out blurry because my hand won't stop moving lol.

 

[jcutner]

Anyone often think they will never meet anyone or just too ugly or fat. I guess i am constantly thinking about this. A lot of people around me are pairing up or getting married or dating and i dont think it can happen for me. I took so many people of my facebook because i was tired of seeing their photos of their boyfriend or changing their status from single to dating or married. Being gay doesn't help any because to even meet someone you have to look good and fit and i am neither. I also feel like i am past my prime my twenties wasted. Just thinking about it makes me want to put a screwdriver in my eye. Guys on the internet or dating websites that i like definitely are not into guys like me which makes me feel to inadequate. I hate looking at myself in the mirror as i can see nothing good in my face or features. Stuff like this makes me hate my parents for giving birth to me and God for giving me a life i hate so much.

All the time. I can't fall asleep most nights because I'm kept up thinking about how I'm always going to be alone for the rest of my life. Really sucks.

 

[Songbird]

I wasn't sure if I should put this here or in the unemployment thread, mainly because I'm not depressed but fed up and needing to vent.

This fortnight's jobseeker's allowance payment hasn't come in because my advisor didn't do something important, meaning I can't afford to visit the office to get my interview travel paid for, meaning I have to lose out on another job or beg for money from my family. Not to mention having last year's council tax to pay every fortnight even though I only had a month of casual work in 2011...

It's all too much and I've given up hope. People I know either chastise me for being a parasite or praise me for "working hard" even though I haven't gotten a damn job yet. There's so much I want to do and try that I'll never get because I'm unemployable. It tears me up and makes me want to die because there's nothing to live for, I just can't kill myself because it'll destroy the people I love. I can't convince them that my death would be a benefit or talk about my dark thoughts with my dad because he doesn't want to hear about it. Catch 22, gotta keep going.

So yeah, whine and cry gaf. Tired and upset after so many interview disappointments.

Anyone often think they will never meet anyone or just too ugly or fat. I guess i am constantly thinking about this. A lot of people around me are pairing up or getting married or dating and i dont think it can happen for me. I took so many people of my facebook because i was tired of seeing their photos of their boyfriend or changing their status from single to dating or married.

Oh, absolutely. I just pretend that I'm not interested.

 

[Uchip]

Ive decided I dont care any more
im just going to rot on the sickness benificiary for the rest of my life

 

[Drealmcc0y]

Will neojubei ever break this circle?

At the end of the day, all you have to do is make changes. We all know the changes that we have to make, it just comes down to...... do you believe in yourself enough to make those changes and follow through.

Because if you dont believe in yourself, you will not have a life. PERIOD.

 

[Feep]

I post this in this thread from time to time, and I figure this is as good a time as any.

*If anyone suffering from depression, anywhere from mild to severe, wants to talk about it in person, or just hang out, I am absolutely down. Just shoot me a PM.*

I guess you sort of have to be in the SoCal region. But seriously. I've very good at making people feel better.

 

[Keru_Shiri]

This can happen pre or post workout for me. Even if my lifts are good I just still feel depressed. That is when I started to realize that I may need meds or professional help.

I think it happens to me because deep down I am depressed about something else that I may not be specifically thinking of but it lingers in the back of my head.

I am just working hard on everything that is possibly making me depressed:my car situation and my relationship. If I am still depressed after that I will try to pinpoint the cause and work on it. One thing that I know I can't get away from is the fear of getting old and dieing. Every time I think about either for a second, I almost have panic attacks.

That's what I'm trying to do as well. Trying to pinpoint what keeps dragging me down. My life is pretty good for the most part. My dating life is in shambles, which is one of the primary reasons for me trying to get into shape, but lately it seems like my mind just starts beating itself up afterwards for any and every reason.

I post this in this thread from time to time, and I figure this is as good a time as any.

*If anyone suffering from depression, anywhere from mild to severe, wants to talk about it in person, or just hang out, I am absolutely down. Just shoot me a PM.*

I guess you sort of have to be in the SoCal region. But seriously. I've very good at making people feel better.

I can believe it. Judging by your tag, we know you have awesome persuasive powers.

 

[Feep]

I can believe it. Judging by your tag, we know you have awesome persuasive powers.

I'm attempting to harness my powers for good. = D

 

[Ether_Snake]

Probably the heat is making me feel miserable tonight.

Every day I remember I have to get my driver's license, and yet I haven't scheduled the exam yet (I have no access to a car, finished my lessons months ago, doubt I would pass it first shot). I don't know why I didn't schedule it yet.

I'm sick of getting home, making dinner, washing the dishes, trying to finish an illustration/3D thing, get stuck unable to continue, kill a giant ant (no idea where they come from, I find one every day since the past two weeks), my back hurts, shower, go to bed feeling I didn't do anything.

My art skills are inconsistent, sometimes I managed to finish an illustration, after many many hours, sometimes it just feels like it's going nowhere and I give up. I bought a guitar, barely practice at all. Haven't touched it in a few months really.

I'm disappointed with myself:|

edit: Haven't gone to the gym in a month. Kept saying "I'll go tomorrow".

I'm in good shape, I eat well, I have a good job and salary. I'm just disappointed, especially since I'll be thirty in just over a month. Life has been a big nothing. So different than what I thought it would be like when I was young.

 

[ReBurn]

The doctor put me back on the cymbalta today. I thought I was doing well since I'd been off of it for two years. It feels like a huge step backward.

 

[2AdEPT]

Anyone often think they will never meet anyone or just too ugly or fat. I guess i am constantly thinking about this. A lot of people around me are pairing up or getting married or dating and i dont think it can happen for me. I took so many people of my facebook because i was tired of seeing their photos of their boyfriend or changing their status from single to dating or married. Being gay doesn't help any because to even meet someone you have to look good and fit and i am neither. I also feel like i am past my prime my twenties wasted. Just thinking about it makes me want to put a screwdriver in my eye. Guys on the internet or dating websites that i like definitely are not into guys like me which makes me feel to inadequate. I hate looking at myself in the mirror as i can see nothing good in my face or features. Stuff like this makes me hate my parents for giving birth to me and God for giving me a life i hate so much.

My brother is fat...350 - 400 but he lives life large...he exercised his ass off his whole life and even though we are an athletic family and he works physical labour he just can't ge t slimmer...he has a nice fiancee who is a normal weight though, mostly becuase of his attitude....he doesn't focus on his supposed ugliness, jokes around with everyone and is the center of attention...he purposely heckles comdians and shares his nickname "berger" which is a play on our last name.....when you make fun of yourself no one can do it for you and they end up liking you.

I am actually very thin, and look alright but never got too many dates to last as my personality is apparently a "nice guy" who finishes last. I made it my personal vendetta to make myself more attratcive personality wise and chicks could tell I was trying tooo hard....if you really want to have a relationship outside just friends, you are in for a treat...all those picture perfect people you see end up splitting up, sometimes grusomely...my wife and i stay together becuase we have a kid and a mortgage...but many times I wish I was single so that I could have some peace and quiet and watch what I want ot watch on TV and not clean up after all the ridiculously selfish people in my family who mooch off my working hard and don't lift a finger around the house...including my personality disodered mother who follows me around, and I am too nice to tell her to but out. She rarely pays her rent and always bad mouths me too her friedns for even charging it.

My advice to you is to attempt to act like you aren't interested...sure clean up your hygiene, and respect yourself, but try hard to see the benefits of being single...half my life I pined for the time when I would not have ot be lonley ...but once this time came I really wished I would have enjoyed myself as a single more.....having your own pad is a very desirable situation....try to enjoy your freedom if that's the situation you are in...most people who are part of a family are lonley in their own home and relatonships take a tonne of work and can occupy all your energy. MOst guys I know that eventually got hitched had grest sex for a few months after the wedding adn when the novelty wore off they got major depressed...all of us get old and fat eventually anyway.

1.) if you want to be with someone, there will be a someone out there for you...but your personality will make or break it...not your looks.....personality is changeable.

2.) rememebr the GEorge Costanza opposite approach....if you are thankful for your freedpm and ability to have your own life...oothers will want to be part of it....I never got any interest from strangers until I wore my wedding ring around...once you are wotht something to yourself, or at least one other person...you rstock goes through the roof.

Last time I got dumped, some virtual stranger firends of my buddy on his hickey team were trying to make me feel better by saying who needs chicks anyway..."they smell real bad" etc. At the time i was too needy and hurt...but now I see the GENIUS in that attitude.

 

[Mully]

I've been depressed for a very long time, but in the past few days I think I have finally found out what has been making me depressed since I was ten years old (I'll be 21 in August). I'm a perfectionist. If I plan on something and it doesn't go perfectly, I will constantly beat myself up for days or even weeks on end. I'm glad I finally figured this out because after a while I began to ask myself "Am I crazy? What the fuck is wrong with me?"

And I wasn't the only one asking that question about me. My friends, girlfriends, family members; all of them asked why I was constantly trying so hard to be the best at everything when I was so great at most things. I was a great goalkeeper, but I pushed myself to the point of permanent brain damage. I had my high school crush by the end of my freshman year of college, but I was still trying to make her love me more or be better around her. It drove her away after nearly two years. I ultimately drove my best friends away too. Every person that wanted to get close to me, I pushed away because I tried too hard.

Like I said, I'm glad I figured it out now, but I'm really upset that I didn't notice this sooner. I could have been less fucked up and more relaxed about everything. I could have had a better childhood.

I guess the next step after recognizing all of this would be to stop beating myself up and revel in my mistakes and stop living my life to the point of near insanity over small mistakes and mishaps. However, I really don't know how to stop doing all of that. Beyond living on my own, I can't think of anything that would help me stop acting this way. I know I'm a great guy, I know I'm comfortable to be around, but I just can't stop striving to be the best.

 

[NinjaFridge]

So I might be going into hospital for treatment. I have a meeting and they said to bring an overnight bag.

 

[Tess3ract]

It feels very weird to be out of your mind on beer and weed and suddenly make plans for a new diet, planning on getting back into exercising and make yourself food after a long time of not doing anything whatsoever.

I don't feel like myself lol

 

[Mully]

So I might be going into hospital for treatment. I have a meeting and they said to bring an overnight bag.

I'm sure you'll be in good hands. Just focus on yourself and your treatment right now bud.

It feels very weird to be out of your mind on beer and weed and suddenly make plans for a new diet, planning on getting back into exercising and make yourself food after a long time of not doing anything whatsoever.

I don't feel like myself lol

You're tired of the life you're living and want to make changes, it's not weird. It can be fun and awesome to finally take care of yourself and want happiness. I did it myself a few years back. I had stopped playing soccer and put on probably twenty-five pounds of fat in less than six months. I got drunk one night and signed up for a gym. I've been going ever since and I'm nearly in the best shape of my life.

 

[neojubei]

My brother is fat...350 - 400 but he lives life large...he exercised his ass off his whole life and even though we are an athletic family and he works physical labour he just can't ge t slimmer...he has a nice fiancee who is a normal weight though, mostly becuase of his attitude....he doesn't focus on his supposed ugliness, jokes around with everyone and is the center of attention...he purposely heckles comdians and shares his nickname "berger" which is a play on our last name.....when you make fun of yourself no one can do it for you and they end up liking you.

I am actually very thin, and look alright but never got too many dates to last as my personality is apparently a "nice guy" who finishes last. I made it my personal vendetta to make myself more attratcive personality wise and chicks could tell I was trying tooo hard....if you really want to have a relationship outside just friends, you are in for a treat...all those picture perfect people you see end up splitting up, sometimes grusomely...my wife and i stay together becuase we have a kid and a mortgage...but many times I wish I was single so that I could have some peace and quiet and watch what I want ot watch on TV and not clean up after all the ridiculously selfish people in my family who mooch off my working hard and don't lift a finger around the house...including my personality disodered mother who follows me around, and I am too nice to tell her to but out. She rarely pays her rent and always bad mouths me too her friedns for even charging it.

My advice to you is to attempt to act like you aren't interested...sure clean up your hygiene, and respect yourself, but try hard to see the benefits of being single...half my life I pined for the time when I would not have ot be lonley ...but once this time came I really wished I would have enjoyed myself as a single more.....having your own pad is a very desirable situation....try to enjoy your freedom if that's the situation you are in...most people who are part of a family are lonley in their own home and relatonships take a tonne of work and can occupy all your energy. MOst guys I know that eventually got hitched had grest sex for a few months after the wedding adn when the novelty wore off they got major depressed...all of us get old and fat eventually anyway.

1.) if you want to be with someone, there will be a someone out there for you...but your personality will make or break it...not your looks.....personality is changeable.

2.) rememebr the GEorge Costanza opposite approach....if you are thankful for your freedpm and ability to have your own life...oothers will want to be part of it....I never got any interest from strangers until I wore my wedding ring around...once you are wotht something to yourself, or at least one other person...you rstock goes through the roof.

Last time I got dumped, some virtual stranger firends of my buddy on his hickey team were trying to make me feel better by saying who needs chicks anyway..."they smell real bad" etc. At the time i was too needy and hurt...but now I see the GENIUS in that attitude.

I do not want to seem ungrateful but no I will not accept being fat. Maybe it works out for your brother but not for me. If I am fated to be fat then maybe it is best God just kill me dead right now. Why should i have to be this way and look this way while other people don't have to. I hate being fat and i will always hate it.

I never been in a relationship so i never know what it is like. i hate it when people say enjoy being single these same people are almost always in relationships or have someone in their life. i usually want to punch those people in the face.

I've had a bad day at work and extremely bad week as well I am so mad i know if i go out to the gym and someone crosses me i will end up in jail or worse. I saw my therapist yesterday but it didnt help at all. I feel like i need to do something extreme. I feel as though i am going to trash this room at any moment.

There really isn't anything worth it in this world. I am believing in such a thing now. Happiness whatever it is it isn't worth the pain. I don't want this life at all. I'll gladly give my soul to the devil or whomever, there isn't anything at all worth living for. I am fat, old, ugly and i have no talent or anything to offer to anyone.