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[Leeness]

I don't know if that is possible, relationships are part of being human. It's part of our biological makeup. Keep trying, a meaningful relationship will change your entire perspective on life.

Nah...there are really bad feelings of guilt and shame and terror that I associate with a relationship. Haha. And I don't know if that will ever be fixed or if I even want to try.

Just want to be happy on my own.

I cannot stress this enough: I feel this is a healthy attitude. Approach your life that you love yourself. No one else can fill that void. You must love yourself.

Speedline I am not disagreeing with you, relationships are meaningful, too, yes. But love yourself first.

That's all I need. Hopefully someday I can be happy on my own

 

[Oxn]

That's all I need. Hopefully someday I can be happy on my own

And what would that take?

 

[Leeness]

And what would that take?

Not hating myself and every single thing about me. And failing that, a job that makes me enough money that I can just travel forever

 

[Mecha_Infantry]

Losing the battle here

Fucking hell. Stress brings on a lot of my depression...I've been suffering for 5 years now...

I'm strapped for cash and my bro is getting married overseas and I can barely afford it, like literally. I've just finished paying for my masters and I thought I'd had time to get saving but nah. Credit card bills are getting on top of me..day to day expenses is getting too much

I stressed out hard about getting my thesis in, just barely. Memorial for my cousin who was so close to me, who committed suicide was a few weeks back and that brought back so much shit. The girl who loves me, and I love....is married. I work with her.

It's a whirlwind

My head is everywhere

I was on the train home and my chest was so tight, then my left arm was pulsating...thought I was having a heart attack!

I've been listening to a lot of Tupac...he has so much words to address death and it makes me feel at ease...

"I smoke a blunt to take the pain out, if I wasn't high I'd probably try to blow my brains out"

man..

 

[Moz La Punk]

You need to feel complete and at ease with yourself BEFORE you have another relationship. Before you even think about having another relationship. What's your plan of action to try to achieve that?

I know. I'm getting back to the gym, hanging out with (male and female) friends, just trying to enjoy alone-time, stuff like that.

 

[Piano]

Damn, after reading a bunch of negative reviews about the hellish discontinuation effects of Effexor I'm frightened as shit to take the stuff. I'm on my third day of it now and have had no side effects as of yet, but maybe I should stop now and ask my doctor for something else, holy shit I'm scared now. Anyone else ever tried Effexor?

Update: Called the doc and let her know Effexor was not right for me. Will start Wellbutrin tomorrow along with Xanax for anxiety attack/ panic mode.

Every SSRI/SNRI medication (such as Effexor) has the potential for discontinuation effects. If you taper them off carefully under the supervision of a doctor, though, they should never be severe - certainly nothing at all next to the hellish withdrawals of some older drugs. I've had to taper off of two SSRIs/SNRIs and all effects were gone within 1-2 weeks.

That being said, Wellbutrin is also a fine medication. It can, however, cause a lot of anxiety / mood disturbances - for me so much that it made me hypomanic and I had to discontinue it. But that's just me. While it was working, it was glorious.

Be very, very careful with Xanax. It's the most effective drug I've ever been on...which is precisely why I had to stop taking it. It works too well at controlling anxiety, but it does so in very short bursts and taking just a little bit more than you're supposed to begets no bad effects. I keep it around for serious episodes but have been switched to Klonopin, which is much slower and longer acting and therefore hard to misuse. From what I understand Benzodiazapine withdrawal is one of the worst.

Sorry if I've missed it, but what are you treating exactly? Depression and anxiety? And how are they working so far?

 

[Wray]

First off, you need to stop smoking weed.

Some people can smoke weed for years and suffer little from it, while others, like you and I can't. I had a great old time smoking weed for a while, but eventually it was like my brain couldn't handle it any longer, and every time I did it I was paranoid as all hell. The only option was to just give it up forever.

However, getting through your anxiety may be a bigger process than just quitting weed. The thing that finally got me over anxiety was a book by Dr Claire Weekes. It's called "Hope and Help for your Nerves". This lady was a genius when it came to anxiety, and once I read that book I felt like anxiety could no longer harm me because I understood it so well. You can find it very cheap on Amazon.

Also, if you'd like to your welcome to personal message me about anxiety related stuff anytime.

I ordered that book off amazon. I'm definitely going to check it out and read it. Thanks very much for the suggestion.

 

[Surface of Me]

I realized the other day that weed drastically helps with my anxiety, so much so to the point where I contemplated just getting a little high before I go anywhere.

 

[Agent Cooper]

Is this the right thread for me to just flat out say I hate everything about myself and want to die.

 

[Leeness]

Is this the right thread for me to just flat out say I hate everything about myself and want to die.

Girl <3 Why do you hate yourself? That's my problem too.

 

[The Hermit]

Is this the right thread for me to just flat out say I hate everything about myself and want to die.

yes...

Right now I am just a bit depressed, bizarre since I was ok to good on Wednesday.

I realized the other day that weed drastically helps with my anxiety, so much so to the point where I contemplated just getting a little high before I go anywhere.

Weed is ok, but I realized that every time I drink alcohol when I am depressed I end up WAY worse.
Last time I got drunk by myself I nearly crashed my car, driving like a maniac and crying. No love for life what's so ever... honestly I am still afraid someone try to mug, because I value my iPhone much more than my life, and I might end up being killed.

 

[speedline]

Every SSRI/SNRI medication (such as Effexor) has the potential for discontinuation effects. If you taper them off carefully under the supervision of a doctor, though, they should never be severe - certainly nothing at all next to the hellish withdrawals of some older drugs. I've had to taper off of two SSRIs/SNRIs and all effects were gone within 1-2 weeks.

That being said, Wellbutrin is also a fine medication. It can, however, cause a lot of anxiety / mood disturbances - for me so much that it made me hypomanic and I had to discontinue it. But that's just me. While it was working, it was glorious.

Be very, very careful with Xanax. It's the most effective drug I've ever been on...which is precisely why I had to stop taking it. It works too well at controlling anxiety, but it does so in very short bursts and taking just a little bit more than you're supposed to begets no bad effects. I keep it around for serious episodes but have been switched to Klonopin, which is much slower and longer acting and therefore hard to misuse. From what I understand Benzodiazapine withdrawal is one of the worst.

Sorry if I've missed it, but what are you treating exactly? Depression and anxiety? And how are they working so far?

I'm new to a lot of this drug talk so I am still in the learning process of what is out there and how it reacts. I have all the symptoms of general anxiety disorder along with panic episodes where it feels like death has arrived and I will have a heart attack or stroke or something at any moment. My heart pounds, sweating, cold hands, red faced (which is a another subject). Most of this started after losing both my parents, grandparents, uncles in a few year span. Some of it has always been around since middle school. My mind races at times with all the what ifs in life and it overwhelms me with fear. I don't feel extremely depressed, but do have plenty of self-esteem problems that date back as long as I can remember. Never been suicidal, but have felt apathetic towards dying as if I will not be missed when it does occur.

The Effexor was to going treat the anxiety and keep me on an even keel throughout the day-- the Xanax is on an as needed basis when I go into panic mode and the anxiety overwhelms me.

Of course after reading forums about effexor I decided against it because of the horror stories I read from people trying to get off it, but also because it causes pretty massive weight gain and kills your sex drive. I am not in a deep dark depression at all- if i were I would take the effexor. I'm already overweight (hence the low self-esteem) and if effexor made me gain weight it would be an even worse hit on my self-esteem.

I tried Wellbutrin a couple years ago and managed to quit smoking with it and I don't remember it causing any increased anxiety but I heard it does for some people- i wasn't on it very long maybe 2 months and went off it cold turkey with no side effects/withdrawal. I am back to smoking again so I am hoping to kick that habit again using wellbutrin and it maybe even help me lose some weight (or so I read). It supposedly may help with quite a few things such as ADHD and any underlying depression I might have.

I will be careful with the Xanax and only use it when necessary. I've never abused drugs or alcohol in my life and don't want to start now. I just got these prescriptions so I can't really comment on how well they are working yet, but I've tried an Ativan in the past when I was really anxious and it worked well. My doctor recommended Xanax so I went with that. I don't think I will be taking the Xanax with any type of routine, only when necessary. Thanks for listening

 

[Woorloog]

This will be slightly odd, unusual but i hope someone knows something about this.

Does depression affect dreaming and dreams, i.e. whether and how often one sees vivid/lucid dreams and their content?
I don't remember that well but i think i've seen vivid/lucid dreams* for years now, at least roughly the time i've been suffering from depression. I do have very active and vivid imagination so me seeing a lot of vivid dreams may be simply linked to that. But i don't remember well if i could remember my dreams often earlier (not counting actual nightmares, i still remember some of those and a few other dreams).

But then content. I haven't seen a dream i could call a nightmare for years... but reading the about nightmares, what emotions they trigger, it maybe that all or nearly all of my vivid/lucid dreams are nightmares or dreams that are nearly nightmares anyway.
I often feel hopelessness, despair and i'm frightened (and other negative emotions) in my dreams. I hate my dreamworld, it is always Helsinki (Finland's capital, where i live) but this dream-Helsinki is an odd place (as usual for dreams). Fucking scary place too, in my dreams (IRL Helsinki is relatively pleasant and safe). Empty, dark, lifeless, even with people around. Very often i run from or try to avoid something in my dreams, or i lose something i like or love. They're not nice dreams, they may begin so but rarely they are nice from start to finish.
My dreams tend to bother me for long time afterwards too, i may remember my dreams for days or i'm just kinda anxious for days after them. At least i feel like that.

My sleeping patterns tend to be a mess since i don't have a proper daily routine, i go sleep too late (it is 4AM here) and wake up late. Naturally morning sounds and light may trigger vivid/lucid dreams, so maybe if i could fix my sleeping pattern i wouldn't see so many dreams.
Sometimes i wonder if i go sleep late because i don't want to sleep, i think i fear seeing dreams. If i don't sleep, i can't see dreams, yes?
Reducing my internet usage could help fixing my sleeping patterns but i might replace that by reading late, i've done that at times when computers and the internet haven't been interesting.
Or i could use melatonin to go sleep earlier (i'm really averse to using drugs, sleeping pills, technically melatonin is a natural hormone and thus not a drug, by my standards anyway) but melatonin causes me to see dreams. Always. Odd side-effect that has been observed before. You can probaly see why i'm averse to using it.

Now i reckon seeing nightmare-like dreams is a effect of depression not the cause. I do wonder if getting rid of dreams (i'm still not sure if they can be called nightmares) would help dealing with depression. Though i reckon this latter isn't possible really, getting rid of dreams that is.

*It is interesting to observer how a vivid dream turns into a lucid dream. Well not observe but in lucid dream i can say roughly when i could start affectin the dream.

Ah, a wall of text once again. I should just try to get professional help but i'm using all my will just to have some sort life as it is.
Fuck how i hate it how i had this few weeks in the summer when i felt real good. Then fucking nostalgia and memories plunged me back into this fucking mess.
Fuck.

 

[Sadsic]

im in a 35 hour a week program and the doctor told me i have borderline personality disorder today. i used to be diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder. i wonder what this means

 

[The Take Out Bandit]

Ugh.

Been feeling shittier than usual lately. Just when I get my head above water financially I get dragged back down by a debt collector, or in this case my kin.

Had a shit drive to work. Got in, was just stewing in my own bad thoughts while doing work.

Then an always pleasant co-worker stopped to be super nice and I had to make a bee-line for the men's room. It was occupied so I went into the nearby utility closet and had a good long cry amongst the dead roaches.

Though I should just lay down there with them and die too.

Feels bad man.

 

[Natetan]

I came back from an overseas work trip for two weeks. I did the same trip last year, but for whatever reason I've come back and I feel so wierd. I'm paranoid people don't want to talk to me, I randomly have a crush on a friend of mine at work who I've always been mildly attracted to but never really thought anything of because I'm in a relationship that I enjoy. I'm tense and anxious. I just don't know wtf is going on.

I used to feel this way when I pressed by financial circumstances like not being able to my bills and stuff but thats not an issue at all anymore.

I keep trying to think back about before I left and what triggered it all. It's just so wierd. I get really bad jet lag when I travel and usually takes two weeks for me to get over it. I get really wierdly emotionally when I'm jet lagged too, so I hope it passes. I hope these stupid crush feelings go away too, so awkward.

 

[Yasae]

I cannot stress this enough: I feel this is a healthy attitude. Approach your life that you love yourself. No one else can fill that void. You must love yourself.

Speedline I am not disagreeing with you, relationships are meaningful, too, yes. But love yourself first.

Be more specific. Are any of our lives enriched by having the right relationship (and we should we be content, in whole, on our own?) Or is having the right relationship simply filling in a missing puzzle piece (and we should always be looking to ascertain such?)

 

[Beatrix]

Hey guys. Feeling a bit down. My girlfriend and I just recently split. It hurts a lot, she was such a big part of my life. Now she's gone. We're not even friends anymore because we decided it would be a bad idea.

Any tips or ideas to get over someone? As of right now all I can do is think about her, our memories and the last few things we did. It crushes me to think we'll be going our separate ways. Need some bro hugs GAF ;(

 

[Piano]

Hey guys. Feeling a bit down. My girlfriend and I just recently split. It hurts a lot, she was such a big part of my life. Now she's gone. We're not even friends anymore because we decided it would be a bad idea.

Any tips or ideas to get over someone? As of right now all I can do is think about her, our memories and the last few things we did. It crushes me to think we'll be going our separate ways. Need some bro hugs GAF ;(

She'll always hold a piece of you. There's no 'trick' to getting over her, you just have to move on and try to create memories without her so she doesn't command the entirety of your train of thought.

Time heals all wounds. And as Ben Folds once said...time takes time, you know.

 

[Xun]

Ok, looks like I could potentially have a job as a runner (gofer for you Americans) in an industry I don't even want to get into (post-production). I know it's a job, but I've feared getting a runners job even in an industry closer to mine, let alone another.

I'm incredibly depressed since I know my life will be sucked away even further due to long hours.

I don't have enough motivation to do work now, let alone when I'm doing a runners job.

It feels like I will never be able to live my life and have fun, and I personally feel like I never had the chance to do that in college, let alone now.

Fuck my life.

I started on monday, and unsurprisingly it's already getting me down.

I feel trapped, I'm drained (from carrying things all over the place for 9 hours straight), I lack motivation when I get home (as always though), and I don't feel like I'll ever be able leave the job. I promised myself I'd do some art/animation work this weekend, but I've not had the motivation to do so.

If it were up to me I'd be a freelance/contract worker, because I'd personally be able to mentally handle being in such a position, even if in many ways it's harder. Like everyone I want to achieve success, but I feel like that will be unachievable the way I'll be going. I have so many things I want to do, but I just lack the motivation to do it all.

I'd give anything to go back in time and restart, because I certainly don't feel ready for this. I never got the chance to properly enjoy my adolescence, I've never had a girlfriend, and I certainly feel incredibly lonely for this reason. Going straight from unemployment into this has made things worse, and I'm really not sure how to handle it all. It really does feel like from here on out life will just be going downhill, and I can't tell you how much I envy people still in school/college.

Ugh.

 

[Sub_Level]

I'd give anything to go back in time and restart, because I certainly don't feel ready for this. I never got the chance to properly enjoy my adolescence, I've never had a girlfriend, and I certainly feel incredibly lonely for this reason. Going straight from unemployment into this has made things worse, and I'm really not sure how to handle it all. It really does feel like from here on out life will just be going downhill, and I can't tell you how much I envy people still in school/college.

Ugh.

I know exactly how you feel with the whole "not enjoying adolescence" thing and "never had a gf" bit. I have a few recommendations, not sure if any of them will help you but stay strong and give 'em a shot

- Try to make friends at your work. Coworkers present a good opportunity to meet other people and get invited to parties and events. Networking isn't just for professional development, ya know. But then, I know that the nature of your job might not present these opportunities. I'm a part time supply runner myself and for the most part I'm moving supplies or driving a car all by myself. I've been applying for a waiter position recently actually because of the more social nature of the job and the pay at certain restaurants is excellent.

- Maybe save up some money to go back to college? Just part-time, even. If you can't afford standard uni, even a community college has plenty of people for you to meet. I myself am in a small technical school right now with 80% males and I've still managed to make friends with a couple girls there. And just like with networking at the job, meeting people (male or female) will open the door to meeting even more new people. And with enough time, you may be able to move yourself to a better disposition in life, whether that be a different career altogether or a better job in the same industry.

- Don't skimp out on yourself. Stay in shape and keep your mind sharp. Cheesy advice I know but it'll help attract people towards you! And it'll make you feel better.

- Certain substances can help in moderation with getting started. If you have time and feel like you should do some art/animation, then you'd better get off neogaf, take a 5 hour energy or Monster, and get it done!

- You cannot go back in time, but unless you're like 60 your life has plenty of potential adventures to be had

 

[goomba]

Any tips or ideas to get over someone? (

Get on top or underneath of someone else

 

[Surface of Me]

So work makes me feel like shit still, ugh, and I also have a test tomorrow, glad I managed to get them to cut back my hours.

Something else came up though, I was finally recovering from the last chick that messed me up, had even got a number from someone and was planning to ask out someone else tomorrow, and she texts me right out of the blue. It doesn't bring back feelings for her really, just feelings of being so unsure of what to do.

EDIT: Three texts in and she is already calling me an asshole, hahahaha. Fuck her.

 

[which1spink]

It pisses me off that no one directly replied to MozLaPunk's post! I can assure you, he's a very nice guy and a true internet hero. Most of you folks probably don't know, but he single handedly started the pre-Nintendo Revolution hypetrain back in 2004 or so...

I think we both had a really good time back then and hopefully, just by thinking back, this will bring a smile to Moz' face

 

[Moz La Punk]

It pisses me off that no one directly replied to MozLaPunk's post! I can assure you, he's a very nice guy and a true internet hero. Most of you folks probably don't know, but he single handedly started the pre-Nintendo Revolution hypetrain back in 2004 or so...

I think we both had a really good time back then and hopefully, just by thinking back, this will bring a smile to Moz' face

heh, yes it does but someone did reply btw, and it was good advice: fix yourself before going for a new girl. Its true. I just don't know if I'll ever be able to really fix myself.

Yeah so, to give an update, I've been having a lot of ups and downs the past few days. I mean, I'm used to that (and now I know its because of a borderline personality disorder) but a relationship keeps it in check a bit, but when I'm single its really all over the place, like the needle of a radar going from left to right. I go from missing the ex, to hating her, to missing her again, etc. Now I realise pretty much every human being with his sanity still in check has this after a break-up, but I guess the borderline enlarges the feelings I have quite a bit.

Anyway I've been seeing someone else the past couple of days but its been completely on a friendship basis. I guess thats what I need more now, instead of diving into a new relationship right away again. I really do think this girl is very sweet and I do think we are compatible, but right now I'm not in any rush to get things going. We'll see.

 

[MYE]

I randomly have a crush on a friend of mine at work who I've always been mildly attracted to but never really thought anything of because I'm in a relationship that I enjoy. I'm tense and anxious. I just don't know wtf is going on.

Fucking sucks, doesnt it?

 

[Natetan]

Fucking sucks, doesnt it?

It's so weird. It's like why now? Wasnt an issue or was at least not in the way of being friends before I left for my work trip. Didnt think about this person once the whole time.

Luckily I never see unless Its intentional so I'm just going to take some time to myself until I get my head on straight.

 

[Az987]

So when I started going off abilify last August I started feeling kind of odd and I just realized the symptoms of SSRI discontinuation syndrome are pretty spot on with what I'm feeling.

I feel dizzy, and dazed a lot of the time. Kind of like I'm in a fog and kind of confused a lot of the time too. I'm extremely forgetful and I just feel all around out of it for much of the day. Numb to everything and I've even been having genital anesthesia when I have sex which I didn't even know was something they had a term for.

My anxiety has been worse since going off it too. I get anxious driving and I'll break out in a sweat all over my body instantly and it happens when I'm in public too during certain situations.

I know abilify isn't an SSRI though so I don't know.

 

[Revoh]

So yeah, first time poster, I just need to vent.

I'm almost 24 and I don't know what to do with my life. I feel like I'm stuck going nowhere.
I hate my job, it's so stressful and I get pay like shit. Sometimes I think about quitting but then I'll be just a dude playing videogames 20 hours a day with 0 money.

I had a girlfriend for 4 years, she ended up fucking a guy and then having his kid, everything went downhill from there. So 4 years has passed and I'm still alone.
I don't even go out because I have few friends who also don't go out. My weekends consists of my playing videogames until falling asleep.

It's really hard for me to make a conversation with someone because I just lose interest after a few minutes. If they're telling me something I just don't pay attention, unless they're really close friends.

There's more but I don't want to make a wall of text.
I guess I'm just a boring, lifeless person. And I hate being like this

 

[Futureman]

It's really hard for me to make a conversation with someone because I just lose interest after a few minutes. If they're telling me something I just don't pay attention, unless they're really close friends.

I feel so damn apathetic pretty much all the time unless I'm working on a personal project I've been going at for about 10 months now.

I've always been the same way with conversations as you.... I know that moment when I should chime in with something that will keep the convo going but it's like I just don't usually care. Even with friends it's hard sometimes. Ugh.

My personal project is a cartoon web/tv series.... which is weird because I pretty much never watch any TV or movies anymore. I was a film major and I get puzzled questions from my friends often as to why I don't watch more movies or TV. "You were a film major and you are making a show.... why don't you watch stuff like Breaking Bad or Lost?" I feel like those shows are a time sink and something I don't really want to get into. I've watched random BB episodes here and there but I'm not really interested in committing so much time to watch them all. Been pretty much the same w/ movies even though they are way less of a time investvent obviously. I think I've only watched a handful of movies straight through in the past year.

so it's like.... why do you want to make a show if you really have no interest in TV shows? I dunno it feels like sometimes it's the only thing that will keep calm me and not make me super depressed that I'm not really doing anything w/ my life (5 years out of college and still work at a bookstore).

I stopped taking Lexapro about a month ago. Going off it cold turkey wasn't that big of a deal really... I think I had built a tolerance to the med as I really don't even feel that different off of it.

I've felt like crap today, but probably because I only got 4 or so hours of sleep. My stomach has been churning since I had two cups of coffee earlier... I think I need to stop drinking coffee now that I'm off Lexapro... the caffeine just seems to make me too anxious.

 

[RatskyWatsky]

I've always been the same way with conversations as you.... I know that moment when I should chime in with something that will keep the convo going but it's like I just don't usually care. Even with friends it's hard sometimes. Ugh.

See, for me, I don't have a problem caring about having conversations. I want to have them, but the moment when I should chime in with something, my mind goes BLANK and I can't think of a single thing to say.

 

[RionaaM]

See, for me, I don't have a problem caring about having conversations. I want to have them, but the moment when I should chime in with something, my mind goes BLANK and I can't think of a single thing to say.

This. Who the fuck invented small talk? I always end up looking like a fool.

 

[Windam]

I feel so tired with life. Getting up in the morning is a challenge, I really feel apathetic towards 99% of the people I know and towards everything in general. School? Fuck it; I have no motivation, and I'm doing really crap (and it's really gonna fuck up my chances for university acceptance). And the one person who I do care about, the one person who's always made me care, the one person who's always been there, well, things between us haven't been so great lately. I feel so jaded, so broken down, all the time. Fuck GAF, I hate life.

 

[neojubei]

Thinking of moving again. Its been a few days and the medication hasn't kicked in yet. i was browsing facebook and decided to look up an old friend i used to hang out with, turns out he moved to california from boston and now in a relationship (pictures and all). I cannot help but feel a pain of jealously. Maybe i should leave and maybe things would be better. I just don't have any dreams, skills, hopes anything really so i dont know where to go or what to do. i think my current job already killed my soul. Well i have one dream is to live in Japan but i am not sure what job i could even get if I go.

 

[nan0]

Thinking of moving again. Its been a few days and the medication hasn't kicked in yet. i was browsing facebook and decided to look up an old friend i used to hang out with, turns out he moved to california from boston and now in a relationship (pictures and all). I cannot help but feel a pain of jealously. Maybe i should leave and maybe things would be better. I just don't have any dreams, skills, hopes anything really so i dont know where to go or what to do. i think my current job already killed my soul. Well i have one dream is to live in Japan but i am not sure what job i could even get if I go.

This is what I always think, too. But I have no idea whether such a rather radical change actually changes something. I may be very well equally depressed in another city/country.

 

[malingenie]

This is what I always think, too. But I have no idea whether such a rather radical change actually changes something. I may be very well equally depressed in another city/country.

The odds are huge that that is what will happen. I moved 3 times hoping to outrun the demon and my biggest success was to confront him. It is a part of your life that skews everything. No one responds to your comments at neogaf? You are worthless. You didn't stop someone from hurting themselves. You are worthless. The biggest success I've had is to take medication for my worst period, discover your triggers and question their validity. I have been off the meds for some time now but I can still see myself going to dysfunctional thoughts here and there. It is at the same time as simple and as complicated as not allowing yourself to be immersed in them.

 

[Leeness]

Pretty sure I deserve to die. Ugh. I fucking hate myself. Seriously, seriously deserve it. I feel so bad for my parents having to put up with me.

I need to get my ass to school so I can forget for a few hours.

 

[Oxn]

Pretty sure I deserve to die. Ugh. I fucking hate myself. Seriously, seriously deserve it. I feel so bad for my parents having to put up with me.

I need to get my ass to school so I can forget for a few hours.

Stop it, you're great

 

[Leeness]

Bleh. Cried for a while, went to school, randomly was given a balloon, feel a little better :/ Less dying, more just normal depression. Still just so tired of being me.

 

[Prodigal]

Moving to a new state can be both exciting and difficult at the same time. But here I am again, stuck in my rut of depression that never seems to cease. I have wonderful family members all around me, even living in the same neighborhood, but still only have one good friend in town. Been trying to get back into the dating scene; it's been over 11 years since I've even held another woman's hand. Part of me feels like finding a romantic companion will solve all my issues, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. But now it's 4 in the morning, and I'm popping valium like it's candy and running a razor blade across my arm just so I feel something other than sadness.

 

[half a moon]

Moving to a new state can be both exciting and difficult at the same time. But here I am again, stuck in my rut of depression that never seems to cease. I have wonderful family members all around me, even living in the same neighborhood, but still only have one good friend in town. Been trying to get back into the dating scene; it's been over 11 years since I've even held another woman's hand. Part of me feels like finding a romantic companion will solve all my issues, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. But now it's 4 in the morning, and I'm popping valium like it's candy and running a razor blade across my arm just so I feel something other than sadness.

I pop valium too for social anxiety. The last girl I dated was 5 years ago. I remember it well. I wasn't doing well in college, I procrastinated badly, I was depressed, I was still insecure about my body because of losing weigh unhealthily and not really being fit, hung out with a few friends but I sucked socially. I talked to no at school and didn't have a social life. Having a g/f didn't really help. Mainly because I could only see her a few days a week because of her parents. If I saw one daily or lived with a girl, that would improve things, but that's being dependent. So, building confidence and making new friends is the way to go. Which I'm sucking ass at.

 

[jediyoshi]

I don't know what I was expecting to get out of reading this thread while under the weather.

 

[Laughing Banana]

This may seem pale to many of hardships that most of you are facing but, I've just recently been friendzoned. No, actually, worse than that, brotherzoned. By a lady who I have felt serious feelings for for quite a long while.

I am contemplating to cut off all possible contact with the lady, because frankly the whole thing depresses me, since this lady was my first foray trying into a serious relationship after the previous relationship got ended up just 1 month shy of marriage due to the her "falling in love with someone else" and fucking around with that person behind my back. "Let's be friends!" No, I can't do it.

I apologize if my problem may seem trivial compared to any of you.

But right now I am... depressed as fuck, hahaha.

 

[Smiley90]

Man, I always wonder what it is like for my SO when I am going through severe bouts. One thing I always tell them is that MY MOOD IS NOT THEIR RESPONSIBILITY. All you can do is assist her getting help, medication worked wonders for me. But understand that even the most wonderful boyfriend will not be able to take all the pain away. I wish you the best, and thanks for giving me a glimpse on the other side.

See, that's not as easy as it sounds to understand either. I really love my girlfriend and I feel that whenever she's angry because she's lonely or for another reason, it's because "I'm not good enough". I try to keep saying that it's not my fault, but then I feel like I'm just blaming her which is also not optimal.

When you have these "bouts", what would you optimally want your SO to do? I feel like whatever I do is not making it better, if not even making it worse. I've started not giving advice anymore (because that was CRAZY counterproductive), so now I just try to listen, but that doesn't really make it much better either... :/

 

[Femmeworth]

Pretty sure I deserve to die. Ugh. I fucking hate myself. Seriously, seriously deserve it. I feel so bad for my parents having to put up with me.

I need to get my ass to school so I can forget for a few hours.

*hug* I didn't know you had problems too, though I should have figured as much from comments you have made in other threads.

 

[Windam]

I'm pretty sure if I died at this point no one would care. I think it would be for the better, too.

 

[Leeness]

*hug* I didn't know you had problems too, though I should have figured as much from comments you have made in other threads.

I'm feeling okay right now, but I stopped looking for a job so that has taken stress off me, so...yay.

 

[Uchip]

havent slept in a few days
losing track of what is and isnt real

 

[Windam]

havent slept in a few days
losing track of what is and isnt real

I know what you mean. I haven't been able to sleep properly. Everything just seems to blur into one, and I can't tell if what I'm feeling is real or not, which makes me frustrated, which makes me upset.

 

[Bel Marduk]

Has anyone had any experience with getting off of zoloft?