It's alright. Even when my social worker gives me advice it's not like my brain absorbs it. I hear what she says, but I don't process it. I have a feeling it'll be the same thing with my therapist, too.
Well, I think things get absorbed through osmosis over time even if you don't consciously know it. So it's good to just surround yourself with positive/constructive messages. The chances of those things sinking in or planting tiny seeds are higher by doing so!
Here's hoping you have a good and deep sleep.
Though if you do feel that rage and frustration building, a good idea would be to channel it into something productive (like exercise or cleaning or writing/creating some stuff--even if it's "bad", you can get a laugh out of it later), just to acclimate yourself to the feeling of progress/accomplishment when working through your feelings.
Hey everyone, just felt like typing this out.. I hope this is an appropriate place.
I'm feeling the blues because I'm looking for an idealized communitarian setup when it comes to my social circles. I've never had that experience, except maybe briefly in HS. I constantly romantically daydream about finding this cadre of friends and it's disgusting when I catch myself doing it, because I don't want to construct expectations based on my limited experience with real-life. But I always keep looking and feel like I'm missing out on something somewhere, and it brings on some pretty awful yearning despair.
I've always been a pretty reserved person. I can't really think on my feet when it comes to large discussions, and I'm actually a bit of a snob in an effort not to sound vapid in groups. I want to move discussion along so that it doesn't dwell on the same things like work or class each time I speak with a person. It takes me a bit longer to trust people due to some experiences I had as a kid. I'm a listener. So I tend to make friends one to one. I also feel like a jack of all trades.. which is what I prefer and can't help being, but it makes it difficult to express my many interests to all the different kinds of people I know, and even harder to find a community with a common interest that I am totally devoted to or as proficient at. I don't feel like my character is good enough to be part of one.
This fall has been the first time I've met people that actually know and want to meet with eachother. It's been a great feeling, but it's not what I want. They are friendly but just not the right fit, so sue me.
I guess I'm getting depressed because I don't think I'll ever find or maintain a relationship with such this nebulous group. I constantly regret not having lived in a dorm, even though my institution doesn't have one. The windows of opportunity feel like they move too fast for me, especially because I'm from out of province and thus my existence here is sort of transient; I'm going to be leaving at Christmas/end of the year etc. So I feel like I shouldn't invest much in something that I could lose shortly.
Short version: I want to be a humble part of a community that complements it, not a clash of individuals. But I'm not sure I can function in one being the type of person I am. For friendships in general I always find the initial meeting of people to be hopeful, but I always back away out of fear or laziness, and I'm not sure why. I feel this ache for a romanticized vision of a circle of friends, but too scared to reach out for it, and it's pulling me down..
I think I know how you feel. I've always felt a bit of an outsider or even snob/elitist when it came to people, which made prolonged interactions with people draining, despite idealizing an... "rpg party" kind of setup where a group of friends adventure through life together. That kind of thing. xD
I have a few close friends, but that description is kind of relative, since I don't even keep in contact with them much (maybe a once every few months, I would physically see them even though we are all n the same city--in fact, this reminded me that it's been a month since I got back with one of them about meeting up--oops.. hmm..). I have resigned to the fact that my introversion and whatever other personality quirks and hang ups will always make me a bit of a loner, though, so I'm kind of okay with that.
It sounds like you are kind of waiting to meet certain very unique individuals that you feel could be kindred spirits with you that will make you overcome your "laziness", compelling you to reach out to them. That's going to make it more difficult, since the criteria might be too specific, but if you don't mind being a bit of a loner, I wouldn't say that's a bad thing. I managed to meet some very awesome and quality people that way (though possibly pushed away who knows how many dozens of other quality people! Oh well!).
The world is a big place, and your best chances are to keep yourself open to all sorts of people (college is a great way to meet them, but internet is also kind of awesome). Meet them halfway by showing up or offering to tag along (and/or swallow some of that fear/pride and admit that you need to be dragged along sometimes and you won't hold it against them).
people should be prescribed one of
these instead of pills
UGH IT IS SO STUPID CUTE. Kittens pacify everything in me..
But okay.. Trust me, I still even have games just sitting in my gifting inventory that I've already paid for that I'm just waiting to give away. It's no big deal 
Plus, you said yourself, you used to like games, so I figured let's get the gaming-good times back on, and then who knows!
And really man, you're too kind. The world needs more people like you in it; willing to be that generous to a complete stranger who could be pulling your leg for all you know? Jesus, not even the people I know would be willing to be this nice to me. Can I add you on Steam?
