Depression

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*sigh* Either way, it's not a nice situation. Girls weigh more than I do, clothes don't ever fit properly (even when they're "fitted"), I get tossed around by the wind, other guys just have to look and laugh... really, it still fucking sucks. It's a really bad blow to my already nonexistent self esteem.

Join the club :(, been skinny my whole life. I can never gain weight either. I know people who eat less than me and are bigger. It really does suck.

I agree with the poster above me as well, apparently it socially acceptable to make fun of someone because they are skinny. Fuck them.
 
I swear most of the threads here make me even more depressed, it was bad enough with the good looking guys in the pic thread or the girlfriend pics thread now there is the best looking and most intelligent. Makes me wonder why i even exist. I am none of those things and less of a person because of it. if i die this week then nothing would be lost.
 
I've done prayer, I've done meds, I've done CBT, personally, all have helped me in different ways at different times.

And it does get better... from 16 to 26 I would walk around in fog of self hate, endlessly ruminating on how worthless I was. I thought I was introverted and misanthropic.

I was wrong about every belief I had about myself.
 
Yep. I constantly get "You're a fucking stick!" "Are you anorexic?" "Yo dawg don't you eat or something? The fuck is wrong with you? Haha" I just don't say anything. It makes me want to blow up.



I can't gain any weight. No matter how much/what I eat.

that just doesn't make sense
either you're really young and you have some crazy metabolism, or you're doing it wrong
ive known many people fat and skinny to achieve their desirable body weight

I used to be really skinny, and they wanted me to bulk up for bboying, so I was eating lots of odd stuff like creamed cheese while excercising
went from 65 to 80KG
 
The worst part of being skinny is that, unlike being fat, most people think it's okay to make fun or say things about it. I've been told way too many times things like "eww, gross, you're too skinny" without them even thinking or realizing it's not right to tell someone he's disgusting...

People used to tell me that all the time when I was little, and I think it gave me a complex for, like, years and years afterwards. It would always make me cry. Not sure if I still have said complex however - I think I just stopped caring what people said. :/ I do need to gain a few pounds and get into shape though.
 
that just doesn't make sense
either you're really young and you have some crazy metabolism, or you're doing it wrong
ive known many people fat and skinny to achieve their desirable body weight

I'm 17, and I've always been skinny. I guess it's my metabolism. It's what I've always assumed.
 
I've done prayer, I've done meds, I've done CBT, personally, all have helped me in different ways at different times.

And it does get better... from 16 to 26 I would walk around in fog of self hate, endlessly ruminating on how worthless I was. I thought I was introverted and misanthropic.

I was wrong about every belief I had about myself.

It doesn't get better


Life is evil I know that now and i have to find a way to get out of it.
 
I swear most of the threads here make me even more depressed, it was bad enough with the good looking guys in the pic thread or the girlfriend pics thread now there is the best looking and most intelligent. Makes me wonder why i even exist. I am none of those things and less of a person because of it. if i die this week then nothing would be lost.

Nobody is less of a person because of anything. We all have our own things that make us unique and awesome. As long as you aren't running around hurting people for kicks, you are awesome.

I know it's stupid sounding to say that, but I truly believe that everyone is that way.

I'm 17, and I've always been skinny. I guess it's my metabolism. It's what I've always assumed.

Have you been to a doctor about it? Skinny isn't always bad unless it's unhealthy (some of us girls really like the skinny boys and don't like the bulky muscly types). If you are seriously underweight, though, I'd see about having your thyroid checked.
 
I would greatly appreciate that, Bagels.

.

What kind of math are we talking? Seriously - this would be fun for me! I haven't gotten to teach or do much math in far too long (the biological sciences are just not so much with the math. Physical chemistry 4 life!).

I'm tempted to post the horrors of my high school photo to give forever-alone-GAF some hope. Seriously, Oomi has seen it - tell them how bad things were and how I managed to turn it around, get married to a foxy lady, and just generally emerge as a beautiful swan.

Being single sucks, but we all mature into date-able people (and the kind of people we'd like to date mature to see our good points. Example - I can juggle. Also, ladies, I play Fire Emblem) at different rates. Don't give up on love so easily.

And for every "hopelessly" single dude I know, I know an awesome cute girl thinking the same thing.
 
Nobody is less of a person because of anything. We all have our own things that make us unique and awesome. As long as you aren't running around hurting people for kicks, you are awesome.

I know it's stupid sounding to say that, but I truly believe that everyone is that way.

well yeah, comparatively there are more shitheads than good people around
if you're of the latter then we need you around
 
well your age would be a huge factor, but im still telling you that its very doable



If anyone died, nothing would be lost
dont make people out to be anything special

Then there isn't anything wrong with suicide. maybe i should go ahead with my plan.

Nobody is less of a person because of anything. We all have our own things that make us unique and awesome. As long as you aren't running around hurting people for kicks, you are awesome.

I know it's stupid sounding to say that, but I truly believe that everyone is that way.

Yeah i don't have any of that stuff going for me.
 
well yeah, comparatively there are more shitheads than good people around
if you're of the latter then we need you around

I open my heart to pretty much everyone I meet. It's a failing, and yes, has gotten me in trouble in the past when they are assholes, but I still love them. I know I am hilariously naive when it comes to this stuff, but I believe in the good in people.
 
I swear most of the threads here make me even more depressed, it was bad enough with the good looking guys in the pic thread or the girlfriend pics thread now there is the best looking and most intelligent. Makes me wonder why i even exist. I am none of those things and less of a person because of it. if i die this week then nothing would be lost.

yeah. but i always try to remember the gf and pics threads are massively self-selecting. it's only really representing the top 1 percent, the rest don't post because they look normal like the rest of us. which is fine.

i find my parents to be a helpful reminder that you don't need to be incredibly beautiful and smart to have a good life - ignore this if your family are models or always unhappy, though i'm sure there are people you know in your life who have the same attributes that you can substitute in place for my example.
 
Yeah i don't have any of that stuff.

I am sure you do. I am fucking useless as a person. In general. I don't have a job, I don't have any amazing skills that are worth anything. I am nice, but that's about it. I love to write, but I am nothing amazing. I love to work with video, but I am no where near the best. I am not gorgeous, I am not exceptionally clever. I talk a lot online, but yeah...

I am trying to go to school to become a nurse, so I will actually be able to be someone other than a shut in. I try my best to help people online and be a good friend to everyone I meet, to make up for my uselessness in real life. I am sure there is SOMETHING about you that is amazing, you just have to recognize it. When we are deep in the throes of depression, everything is shit, nothing is good, and everything about us sucks. That's what it does. You have to find that little bit of yourself that you can still love, find the distraction that keeps you from focusing on these awful thoughts your brain is tricking you into having, and push through it.
 
I'm tempted to post the horrors of my high school photo to give forever-alone-GAF some hope. Seriously, Oomi has seen it - tell them how bad things were and how I managed to turn it around, get married to a foxy lady, and just generally emerge as a beautiful swan.

bagel pls

If you think you looked bad, there's no hope for me.
 
Nobody is less of a person because of anything. We all have our own things that make us unique and awesome. As long as you aren't running around hurting people for kicks, you are awesome.

I know it's stupid sounding to say that, but I truly believe that everyone is that way.



Have you been to a doctor about it? Skinny isn't always bad unless it's unhealthy (some of us girls really like the skinny boys and don't like the bulky muscly types). If you are seriously underweight, though, I'd see about having your thyroid checked.

I haven't, but then again it hasn't always been something I was always concerned with until recently. I should do it.

What kind of math are we talking? Seriously - this would be fun for me! I haven't gotten to teach or do much math in far too long (the biological sciences are just not so much with the math. Physical chemistry 4 life!).

I'm talking pre-calculus math; basic grade 12 university level functions (over here in Ontario it's called Advanced Functions, course code MHF4U). I should be pulling an 85+ no sweat, but I have a 57. No way I'll ever become a doctor.
 
I'm turning 27 in a couple of hours and I'm fucking depressed. It doesn't help that I've been sick. I'm living alone with my dad right now and I'm gonna spend the day alone like always. I'm broke and live in the middle of nowhere anyways (rural small town with like 300 people lol and only 3 buses go by daily), so it's not like there's many places for me to go. I don't have any friends either. My complexes, phobia and paranoia have driven me away from people. I know for sure my dad is forgetting my birthday too lol. How pathetic of me.
 
I'm turning 27 in a couple of hours and I'm fucking depressed. It doesn't help that I've been sick. I'm living alone with my dad right now and I'm gonna spend the day alone like always. I'm broke and live in the middle of nowhere anyways (rural small town with like 300 people lol and only 3 buses go by daily), so it's not like there's many places for me to go. I don't have any friends either. My complexes, phobia and paranoia have driven me away from people. I know for sure my dad is forgetting my birthday too lol. How pathetic of me.

How are you feeling? Has the random bleeding stopped? Did the doctors tell you anything other than 'lol high blood pressure'?

I haven't had any real life friends for a long time, I understand where you are coming from. Going out and meeting people is hard as shit.
 
It doesn't get better


Life is evil I know that now and i have to find a way to get out of it.

Life is neither good or evil. You do however exhert a lot of influence over how it progresses. You could try to find a way out of it but you don't have to. You could just try to redirect it into a more positive direction. It might get better or it might not, you can't know that because you're only human like the rest of us. And it's not completely bad, at least most of the people in this thread are nice to you.
 
How are you feeling? Has the random bleeding stopped? Did the doctors tell you anything other than 'lol high blood pressure'?

No, the blood pressure has not been as high, and I'm only bled a couple of times, so It was probably (hopefully) that. The pus has gone away with the antibiotics too. Thank you for your concern. You're very nice.

I haven't had any real life friends for a long time, I understand where you are coming from. Going out and meeting people is hard as shit.

Tell me about it. I feel like an alien.
 
No, the blood pressure has not been as high, and I'm only bled a couple of times, so It was probably (hopefully) that. The pus has gone away with the antibiotics too. Thank you for your concern. You're very nice.

Tell me about it. I feel like an alien.


Are you running a fever or anything? Keep an eye on that, I do worry.

I am honestly thinking about putting up a craigslist ad or something: "Wanted, someone to be a nerd with, no romance, email me!"
 
People used to tell me that all the time when I was little, and I think it gave me a complex for, like, years and years afterwards. It would always make me cry. Not sure if I still have said complex however - I think I just stopped caring what people said. :/ I do need to gain a few pounds and get into shape though.

I used to laugh at that when I was little, I never cared about what people said. But now...it really affects me and I know I look awful.
 
its the most wrong thing you can do for yourself

Death seems to be the right thing for my life.

I'm turning 27 in a couple of hours and I'm fucking depressed. It doesn't help that I've been sick. I'm living alone with my dad right now and I'm gonna spend the day alone like always. I'm broke and live in the middle of nowhere anyways (rural small town with like 300 people lol and only 3 buses go by daily), so it's not like there's many places for me to go. I don't have any friends either. My complexes, phobia and paranoia have driven me away from people. I know for sure my dad is forgetting my birthday too lol. How pathetic of me.

I wish i could give you my life when i die, you probably could make something out of it.
 
I am sure you do. I am fucking useless as a person. In general. I don't have a job, I don't have any amazing skills that are worth anything. I am nice, but that's about it. I love to write, but I am nothing amazing. I love to work with video, but I am no where near the best. I am not gorgeous, I am not exceptionally clever. I talk a lot online, but yeah...

I am trying to go to school to become a nurse, so I will actually be able to be someone other than a shut in. I try my best to help people online and be a good friend to everyone I meet, to make up for my uselessness in real life. I am sure there is SOMETHING about you that is amazing, you just have to recognize it. When we are deep in the throes of depression, everything is shit, nothing is good, and everything about us sucks. That's what it does. You have to find that little bit of yourself that you can still love, find the distraction that keeps you from focusing on these awful thoughts your brain is tricking you into having, and push through it.

This is a good post, it's just really funny that if you applied the advice in this post to the rest of this post itself you'd be a happier person too.
 
I used to laugh at that when I was little, I never cared about what people said. But now...it really affects me and I know I look awful.

I might actually feel bad about it if I went into public, like, ever. Odd that my complex disappeared when I stopped going out in public!
 
Are you running a fever or anything? Keep an eye on that, I do worry.

No, but I've been very sleepy and weak. It's probably the allergy medication they gave me.

I am honestly thinking about putting up a craigslist ad or something: "Wanted, someone to be a nerd with, no romance, email me!"

Yeah, It'd be nice. Internet does provide me with a confidence I lack in real life. I can express myself a lot better. I'm still self conscious, but it easier to handle. I feel so detached sometimes. It sucks because I am usually a very empathetic person.
 
that doesn't even make sense
are you a terminally ill person suffering from HIV? thats the only kind of thing ill accept as an answer

I've already made my choice. Life isn't for me.

I'm telling you, if you choose to stick around, it will.

And I can say that with having more stretch marks on my stomach than most people have hair.

I would have believed that 10 years ago maybe even 5 but now it just a phrase. Life doesn't get better at all.


I find that hard to believe. Everyone has at least a few good qualities.

Not me. If I did I would have discover them years ago.

Life is neither good or evil. You do however exhert a lot of influence over how it progresses. You could try to find a way out of it but you don't have to. You could just try to redirect it into a more positive direction. It might get better or it might not, you can't know that because you're only human like the rest of us. And it's not completely bad, at least most of the people in this thread are nice to you.

Death seems like a better option. This world is structured in a way that I cannot live in it.

I am sure you do. I am fucking useless as a person. In general. I don't have a job, I don't have any amazing skills that are worth anything. I am nice, but that's about it. I love to write, but I am nothing amazing. I love to work with video, but I am no where near the best. I am not gorgeous, I am not exceptionally clever. I talk a lot online, but yeah...

I am trying to go to school to become a nurse, so I will actually be able to be someone other than a shut in. I try my best to help people online and be a good friend to everyone I meet, to make up for my uselessness in real life. I am sure there is SOMETHING about you that is amazing, you just have to recognize it. When we are deep in the throes of depression, everything is shit, nothing is good, and everything about us sucks. That's what it does. You have to find that little bit of yourself that you can still love, find the distraction that keeps you from focusing on these awful thoughts your brain is tricking you into having, and push through it.
I hope the best for you and your goals. I don't have any goals or aspersions. I just want to sleep and never wake up.
 
Not me. If I did I would have discover them years ago.

There is no way this is true. I can't stand myself (especially physically), but I can at least recognize a few good things about me. If I knew you personally, I'm sure I could recognize things about you, too. It may be hard for you to see at this point, but that doesn't mean they aren't there.
 
bagel pls

If you think you looked bad, there's no hope for me.

I took a ton of time getting ready for that picture because I was going to prom! That is literally about as good as I possibly could look.

Also, short, skinny guy with a major chest malformation. I thought I was doomed to a life alone. There's hope for all if us.

I'm talking pre-calculus math; basic grade 12 university level functions (over here in Ontario it's called Advanced Functions, course code MHF4U). I should be pulling an 85+ no sweat, but I have a 57. No way I'll ever become a doctor.

I'm all over this! We'll get you up to A's (I'm assuming they're like U's or something in Canada?) in no time.

Your high school performance has fuck-all to do with you becoming a doctor. Don't sweat it. If you want advice on preparing for med school, I already have a thread I started in the archived. I'm happy to talk about that, too.


Are you running a fever or anything? Keep an eye on that, I do worry.

I am honestly thinking about putting up a craigslist ad or something: "Wanted, someone to be a nerd with, no romance, email me!"

I can write you a letter of reference. "Fiction is totally awesome! A++++. Would be friends with again.


The religion thing is complex, as I said. I'm more of a blind watchmaker kind of guy. I don't blame God for my depression (and in some ways, it makes me who I am. Anything good I do here or for patients stems pretty directly for the empathy I feel because I've lived with depression) and I don't expect him to just heal me. Doesn't mean I haven't cried out in despair, "what did I do to deserve this?!"

I'll admit that religion is a great comfort to me. I need to believe I'll see my loved ones who have passed away (always too early) again. And a few times, I have felt "God" or those lost people present in my life. It's hard to explain and I can think of rational reasons, but the experiences were so far beyond what I've ever experienced.

I don't push faith on anyone; just about everyone assumes I'm an atheist. But struggling with faith and feeling even that tiniest of religious feelings within me is immensely helpful. I don't blame you if you think I'm nuts. I think Mormonism is ridiculous, and I realize that the way I feel about it is no different than the way many people feel about Catholicism. I'm happy to talk about it, but it's a personal thing that I don't try to force on others.
 
I've already made my choice. Life isn't for me.



I would have believed that 10 years ago maybe even 5 but now it just a phrase. Life doesn't get better at all.




Not me. If I did I would have discover them years ago.



Death seems like a better option. This world is structured in a way that I cannot live in it.


I hope the best for you and your goals. I don't have any goals or aspersions. I just want to sleep and never wake up.

Try to fight through it, please. Life isn't as bad as your brain is making you think it is. That's all the advice I can give you.
 
I've already made my choice. Life isn't for me.



I would have believed that 10 years ago maybe even 5 but now it just a phrase. Life doesn't get better at all.




Not me. If I did I would have discover them years ago.



Death seems like a better option. This world is structured in a way that I cannot live in it.


I hope the best for you and your goals. I don't have any goals or aspersions. I just want to sleep and never wake up.

10 years of depression for me, Jubei. I didn't get better all at once and I'm still not 100% there. I came close to ending it all several times. I'm just so glad I'm still here and, odd as it may seem, I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. I've lived with the deepest despair and come out the other side. I'm left with knowledge that transcends a good deal of human experience. It's like a strange superpower. If you can come out the other side, you'll be a better, wiser person. You can do a lot with that wisdom.
 
There is no way this is true. I can't stand myself (especially physically), but I can at least recognize a few good things about me. If I knew you personally, I'm sure I could recognize things about you, too. It may be hard for you to see at this point, but that doesn't mean they aren't there.
Horrible truth that is that I don't have any redeeming qualities.
 
I'm all over this! We'll get you up to A's (I'm assuming they're like U's or something in Canada?) in no time.

Your high school performance has fuck-all to do with you becoming a doctor. Don't sweat it. If you want advice on preparing for med school, I already have a thread I started in the archived. I'm happy to talk about that, too.

Thanks, Bagels! :) Yeah right now we're just going by number/percent grading and the letter things (Satisfactory, Needs improvement, Good, Excellent) are just to show our work ethic etc. To be honest, I just need to get around 70s in this course, since calculus is the course I need to really worry about, as every life science program I am interested in requires it (Biology? Really? Clearly have no clue how university science works.). I would love some tips on getting into med school; it's always been a dream. Make money while saving lives and doing good in the world? Sign me up; money doesn't matter, I just want to be able to say "Yeah, I helped someone today. Feels good, man." :(
 
Horrible truth that is that I don't have any redeeming qualities.

Are you a serial killer? If not, then there's one redeeming quality you have.
You type coherently so you have a good grasp of the English language, better than possibly 75% of folk online.
You are here talking about your problems instead of letting them bottle up inside, that's a plus.

This is just from a few posts. If I knew you better I'd be able to point out some more.

Thanks, Bagels! :) Yeah right now we're just going by number/percent grading and the letter things (Satisfactory, Needs improvement, Good, Excellent) are just to show our work ethic etc. To be honest, I just need to get around 70s in this course, since calculus is the course I need to really worry about, as every life science program I am interested in requires it (Biology? Really? Clearly have no clue how university science works.). I would love some tips on getting into med school; it's always been a dream. Make money while saving lives and doing good in the world? Sign me up; money doesn't matter, I just want to be able to say "Yeah, I helped someone today. Feels good, man." :(

This is exactly why I am trying to get into nursing. I am too old and too math dumb for med school. The math I am going to have to take for nursing is already scaring the shit out of me. Now that I know bagels can help with math, he will NEVER get rid of me hehe
 
10 years of depression for me, Jubei. I didn't get better all at once and I'm still not 100% there. I came close to ending it all several times. I'm just so glad I'm still here and, odd as it may seem, I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. I've lived with the deepest despair and come out the other side. I'm left with knowledge that transcends a good deal of human experience. It's like a strange superpower. If you can come out the other side, you'll be a better, wiser person. You can do a lot with that wisdom.

I've been on depression since I was like 16 and my mom told me she would rather have me dead than gay (never quite got over that one) and I turn 27 today/tomorrow (19th). I've been in very low lows too, and close to killing myself, I have neglected my body though (which is basically killing myself slowly). But I'm gad I've experienced all this in a way too. It certainly shows you a different view on life,you see things from another perspective. I want to stay. If only interaction with other people were easier for me things would be a lot better. If I wasn't so afraid.

Then again, sometimes I do get very bad. Right now I am even embarrassed to post here on gaf. I've made a fool of myself, and feel like an idiot sometimes.
 
Are you a serial killer? If not, then there's one redeeming quality you have.
You type coherently so you have a good grasp of the English language, better than possibly 75% of folk online.
You are here talking about your problems instead of letting them bottle up inside, that's a plus.

This is just from a few posts. If I knew you better I'd be able to point out some more.

yeah and if you look at just the first page of his post history you find

- jubei making people a bunch of people feel good by complimenting them on their appearance
- jubei giving away free metal gear solid figurines in the free to a good home thread.
- jubei sharing a new dr who video to help inform people in that thread
- jubei talking to people in this thread about his problems and making them feel less alone

you seem pretty cool to me man.
 
yeah and if you look at one page of his post history you find

- jubei making people a bunch of people feel good by complimenting them on their appearance
- jubei giving away free metal gear solid figurines in the free to a good home thread.
- jubei sharing a new dr who video to help inform people in that thread
- jubei talking to people in this thread about his problems and making them feel less alone

you seem pretty cool to me man.

This only makes you one of the best people ever in my book :p

If you die, you'll miss the Christmas Special!
 
10 years of depression for me, Jubei. I didn't get better all at once and I'm still not 100% there. I came close to ending it all several times. I'm just so glad I'm still here and, odd as it may seem, I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. I've lived with the deepest despair and come out the other side. I'm left with knowledge that transcends a good deal of human experience. It's like a strange superpower. If you can come out the other side, you'll be a better, wiser person. You can do a lot with that wisdom.

I doubt I will live that long to see that.

Try to fight through it, please. Life isn't as bad as your brain is making you think it is. That's all the advice I can give you.

Everyone's life is different. Mine is evil and it will only get worse.

This only makes you one of the best people ever in my book :p

If you die, you'll miss the Christmas Special!

And I will still be old ugly fat and alone watching the Christmas special. That's not a future I look forward on seeing
 
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