Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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Charoncaori
Member
I feel really guilty venting about this but here goes. Don't read it if you don't feel like listening to someone whine about their relationship issues.
Needed to get that off my chest.
Boyfriend got me a pack of m&ms from the train station for valentine's day. That's it. Said he didn't have time to get me anything else. He does this a lot and it makes me feel like shit. And then it makes me feel shittier because I don't deserve anything special anyway and I feel like I'm acting spoiled. And then he feels guilty that he made me feel bad, so then I feel worse... I've tried just calmly telling him that yes, I like being thought of during birthdays and holidays, but then the next year he just does the same thing. I hate this. And I was planning on trying to make him some chocolates, but I felt shitty all week so I just sat around instead. So it's not like I did anything special for him either...
Collete
Member
That's nice of them to do so.
I didn't end up getting anything done though cause I was so weak.
Agreed, even if you have someone it's still a shitty holiday.
Not everyone is with a mate and it's basically a holiday to make majority of the population feel like shit.
Wow that sounds like what my boyfriend as regards of guilt tripping. You are entitled to be treated special, don't believe you don't deserve it. Please for the love of mercy think of yourself and your future and put it in perspective. You deserve better than this.
TUROK
Member
For the first time in my life, I was actually looking forward to Valentine's Day. What a fucking mistake that was.
I want a drink so badly, but I don't want to go back to how it was before.
This sucks.
blame space
Banned
hi I just wanted to sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by my previous posts in this thread. I have depression and I struggle with it daily and sometimes it surfaces in strange ways. I didn't mean to undermine or make light of any of your struggles and I hope you guys and girls have a nice night. thank you.
EDIT I'm really sorry to mess up the whole thread again for this. I'm glad you guys are working towards something positve. sorry again.
EDIT I'm really sorry to mess up the whole thread again for this. I'm glad you guys are working towards something positve. sorry again.
I...did NOT see that coming.
Thanks for saying that. As you can imagine, we're even less crazy about trolling than most "normal" threads. People in here are sick and vulnerable and they don't need that.
If you'd like to share more about your struggles with depression, we'd be glad to have you.
Bel Marduk
Banned
So I don't see how things could possibly get better for me or any reason that I should continue to be alive. Wish I had the courage to kill myself but I think that I will find it soon.
It always seems like that from inside the depressed mind. Things can get better and they will. You have a lot of people here to help you.
Find me on skype - gaf.bagels, or PM me and we can talk on the phone or via email or whatever works for you.
TUROK
Member
I feel the same way you do, except for the suicide part. My dad was once telling me about his life and all the hardships he ever went through (there were a lot, believe me), and he told me something that will forever be imprinted in my mind. He said "despite all of that, I never killed myself." Doesn't sound like much, but when someone you love tells you about all his problems and how that hasn't stopped him from pushing on, it sticks to you like glue. I dunno, maybe you need to find that one thing that tells you "no matter how bad things get, suicide is not an option."
I looked through the last couple of pages but didn't find much on your situation or how you're feeling. Care to share? Maybe we can help.
I read this and just thought, "Oh, I'll see Wilson in chat later!" which isn't a great way to think. I need to be better at responding to people. I read everything and then somehow assume that people know that and know that I care.
Wilson, you're such a valued member of this community. Of course we want to hear from you! I know things are tough for you, but we've got your back. Anything you need, just say so.
I posted and talked to some people privately back in December (I'm still thankful for that if you're reading) and I want to give an update and some advice because I don't really know where to go from here.
I've been depressed since August. I think the best way to describe the cause is that a life time of girl troubles caught up with me. To be honest, I still feel miserable about that specifically. I went through a few suicide attempts that were really calls for help, and was hospitalized for one back in October.
So I've been on antidepressants since mid December, Wellbutrin specifically. I was initially given a 150mg XL dosage. When I took them, I started noticing an effect within the first couple of days. After a while it honestly became euphoric. I felt like my depression vanished completely and it was like that for a couple of weeks. I felt normal and happy again. After that though, the medication stopped working and I was as depressed as I was. It felt like I crashed from a high.
I talked to my psychiatric nurse who said that it was probably a placebo effect. I'm now taking Welbutrin 300mg XL. I don't really feel much of a change. I haven't missed taking my medication for a single day. I've taken it everyday as prescribed.
I'm not really sure if I'm making progress, if the drugs ever really helped or not. I feel unloved, unwanted and undesirable and it's a constant presence in my mind everyday. I suppose I've made progress since October. I'm not threatening suicide to people everyday anymore, though I still think about it a lot. I still feel miserable every day. The drugs might have taken some of the bite from the worse symptoms, but I don't know. I can't really tell.
I don't know what to do or where to go from here. I'm going to start seeing my counselor again. I actually haven't seen him since late November, I believe. The reason I stopped is because he felt that because my "depression level was so high" it'd be best get me on some medication first to stabilize my mood because otherwise there probably wouldn't be a lot of progress made. I've been on the drugs long enough for the therapeutic effects to have kicked in allegedly, so I made an appointment for 2:00 P.M. today (friday).
I suppose I already have a plan of action but I'm scared. I'm scared because I can't tell if the medication is still working, or if they ever worked. I'm scared because I don't know what good talk therapy could do for me. I don't really understand how people battle their depression and get past it.
I don't really know what I'm doing.
I've been depressed since August. I think the best way to describe the cause is that a life time of girl troubles caught up with me. To be honest, I still feel miserable about that specifically. I went through a few suicide attempts that were really calls for help, and was hospitalized for one back in October.
So I've been on antidepressants since mid December, Wellbutrin specifically. I was initially given a 150mg XL dosage. When I took them, I started noticing an effect within the first couple of days. After a while it honestly became euphoric. I felt like my depression vanished completely and it was like that for a couple of weeks. I felt normal and happy again. After that though, the medication stopped working and I was as depressed as I was. It felt like I crashed from a high.
I talked to my psychiatric nurse who said that it was probably a placebo effect. I'm now taking Welbutrin 300mg XL. I don't really feel much of a change. I haven't missed taking my medication for a single day. I've taken it everyday as prescribed.
I'm not really sure if I'm making progress, if the drugs ever really helped or not. I feel unloved, unwanted and undesirable and it's a constant presence in my mind everyday. I suppose I've made progress since October. I'm not threatening suicide to people everyday anymore, though I still think about it a lot. I still feel miserable every day. The drugs might have taken some of the bite from the worse symptoms, but I don't know. I can't really tell.
I don't know what to do or where to go from here. I'm going to start seeing my counselor again. I actually haven't seen him since late November, I believe. The reason I stopped is because he felt that because my "depression level was so high" it'd be best get me on some medication first to stabilize my mood because otherwise there probably wouldn't be a lot of progress made. I've been on the drugs long enough for the therapeutic effects to have kicked in allegedly, so I made an appointment for 2:00 P.M. today (friday).
I suppose I already have a plan of action but I'm scared. I'm scared because I can't tell if the medication is still working, or if they ever worked. I'm scared because I don't know what good talk therapy could do for me. I don't really understand how people battle their depression and get past it.
I don't really know what I'm doing.
scar tissue
Banned
Yeah, fuck valentine's day. Was at my weekly self-help group yesterday and had to watch this 5'2 chump leave with the only single girl (8-9/10) my age after less than an hour.
Dunno what's attractive about him, he's small, looks like a 16 y/o and has no kind of life, job or education whatsoever. He isn't particularly funny either, from what I've seen.
I have an exam on tuesday and should be studying 24/7 but all I can think of is that even this guy, who is smaller, uglier, less smart and has less of a life than me - and still has depression and anxiety - can get laid. With an extremely hot girl at that.
Once I'm done with my exams I'm gonna need a new ultra-violent game. When's GoW: Ascension hitting again?
Edit: I've adapted to deal with the general fact that most people have relationships or at least fuckbuddies or whatever, I don't care that much about that anymore. But the self-help group was the one place where I could be sure not to run in to flirting and people leaving in pairs. Nearly had a meltdown when I saw it happening. Truly, nothing is sacred anymore. :lol
Dunno what's attractive about him, he's small, looks like a 16 y/o and has no kind of life, job or education whatsoever. He isn't particularly funny either, from what I've seen.
I have an exam on tuesday and should be studying 24/7 but all I can think of is that even this guy, who is smaller, uglier, less smart and has less of a life than me - and still has depression and anxiety - can get laid. With an extremely hot girl at that.
Once I'm done with my exams I'm gonna need a new ultra-violent game. When's GoW: Ascension hitting again?
Edit: I've adapted to deal with the general fact that most people have relationships or at least fuckbuddies or whatever, I don't care that much about that anymore. But the self-help group was the one place where I could be sure not to run in to flirting and people leaving in pairs. Nearly had a meltdown when I saw it happening. Truly, nothing is sacred anymore. :lol
They enjoy each others company. That's usually enough.
scar tissue
Banned
Well, duh. Enjoying someone's company still stems from some kind of feature of the other person (e.g. being funny, insightful, compassionate, whatever). I know why I like my buddies, and I know why I like certain girls. With most guys, I can see why a girl would choose them. Not this time.
You obviously overthink the attractiveness factor and don't appreciate that everyone has different taste. Not everyone is attracted to the same mental image of a handsome guy or a girl. It's unhealthy to analyze people like that (I don't blame you for it, considering your situation, and I used to do the same thing) when mostly it's just about people approaching each other.
This guy probably approached the girl and thus made his own fortune.
Send me a PM or find me on skype (gaf.bagels).
scar tissue
Banned
Nope, AFAIR she approached him. He's not one to initiate conversations, I don't think I've ever seen him do it. That's the most maddening thing. The little fuckhead didn't even do anything to get laid.
As for the "handsome" image: yes, that goes for the physical appearance. But certain character traits and facts of life are practically universally regarded as superior to others.
e.g. having a job/education vs not having either, being engaging to talk to vs being a bore, and so on
Ah well. Ranting is obviously only gonna make this worse.
Be unattractive for girls -> no success -> rant -> be even less attractive -> have even less success -> ...
But god damnit, ranting is the only thing that makes me feel good these days. Just put me on ignore if you don't want to read my rants. (not directed at you specifically)
A large part of me wishes that this was still the wild west and I could challenge him to a duel or something. Yeah, my brain is pretty fucked up.
But asking someone who is SEVERELY depressed to just approach people...is that realistic advice? I agree with your general point, but throwing depression into the mix makes the simple answers nearly impossible to actually go through with.
TUROK
Member
Don't be so judgmental. How well do you know this guy?
I don't know either. Maybe it's just a matter of just trying until we literally can't try anymore. Focus on the things you care about, no matter how small or insignificant they may be. Tell yourself that you will keep trying for those things. That's what I do. It has varying degrees of success, but that's the only thing I know how to do, try.
So I saw Bagel's depression "test" that was linked and decided to try it. I scored a 17. I was severely depressed sept-nov last year but eventually just got out of the funk and started getting everything back in order. And while most things are fine now there are a still a few big things that aren't going well. (Job and relationship related).
Lately I've been feeling down again and totally binging on junk to try and feel better. (Altho just feeling gross and bloated haha) I've had a few times where suicidal thoughts crept in but in reality even if I did attempt something nobody would notice. It would literally be days if not longer before someone even checked my room or tried to call. I don't really enjoy anything as of late either other than eating. I did get a platinum trophy today on PS3. But even that was working against me and I lost hours of progress twice due to glitches!
I'm thinking I should go see my doc this time. At this point I won't do anything rash cause like I said it wouldn't matter. But I don't know if I'll kick my ass back into gear again like last time. Last time I didn't even leave the house for over a month!
Lately I've been feeling down again and totally binging on junk to try and feel better. (Altho just feeling gross and bloated haha) I've had a few times where suicidal thoughts crept in but in reality even if I did attempt something nobody would notice. It would literally be days if not longer before someone even checked my room or tried to call. I don't really enjoy anything as of late either other than eating. I did get a platinum trophy today on PS3. But even that was working against me and I lost hours of progress twice due to glitches!
I'm thinking I should go see my doc this time. At this point I won't do anything rash cause like I said it wouldn't matter. But I don't know if I'll kick my ass back into gear again like last time. Last time I didn't even leave the house for over a month!
I have been there at times. I wanted to quit. To just give in. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted death. Suicide is never the answer. There is always something to live for. I hope you can get the help you need. If you or anyone needs to talk I'll be here.
Yes I know. That was just the easiest way to phrase it since I didn't remember the name.
I didn't necessarily mean it that way, just offered one possible explanation to the situation. And I know how impossible it is to believe in oneself while being depressed. You feel like scum of the earth in romantic situations.
Yeah the same thing happened with my gf. She hit me at a bar, I was all cornered in feeling sorry for myself, but the difference that night was, I actually made it to the bar. I seriously thought about just staying at my dorm, drawing and doing something boring. Later it turns out, she was attracted to me because I wasn't aggressive and truly was interested at her on many levels beyond SEX! (how cliche'd does that sound lol)
You can't know this and it's not that simple.
scar tissue
Banned
Admittedly, being funny and attractive is subjective. Still, studies have shown there is a kind of a common denominator which an overwhelming percentage of people subscribe to.
I'd say I know him for a grand total of 8-10 hours, I know his personal situation due to him describing it (no education, job or friends) and I know that he isn't particularly engaging to talk to, not that that is necessarily his fault with the depression and anxiety. I am moderately successful at university,have a part-time job and friends - which doesn't make me successful by normal standards, but considering the number and severity of my problems and the fact that I take zero medication I'd like to think that I am doing okay.
I have no problem feeling superior to him in pretty much any way I can think of (except getting laid, it seems).
Which says something, since I am normally very self-deprecating.
I guess there's two possible ways to interpret someone whom I perceive as inferior getting laid:
A) Wow, if even this wimp can get laid, there's still hope for me!
B) Wow, if even this wimp can get laid and I can't, I must be fucking up in every possible way. I'm pretty much doomed.
Those who read my rants already know I picked B
Feel free to call "DIGS E CAPS" (my mnemonic for the PHQ's questions), a "Bagels' score."
Yeah, I gotcha. We've just had people in the past who thought "just talk to the ladies!" was a universal solution, even for depressed people with social anxiety.
TUROK
Member
That sort of attitude isn't healthy. The bitterness, I mean. You barely know the guy and already you don't seem to like him. That's not cool, that's not attractive, and that's not fair to him.
scar tissue
Banned
Yeah, I know. I actually don't even dislike the guy in general (apart from the fact that he apparently scored), my mind just boggles at the fact that a girl would choose him over me (or any of the other guys there, for that matter). She just approached him. I never get approached. It's fucking unfair.
Now don't worry, the rational part of me knows this is an extremely childish and unrealistic attitude, but I really can't help but feel that way. The primal part of me wants to challenge him to a sword fight and subsequently fashion a drinking goblet out of his skull to drink his blood from. Guess I am now officially GAF's resident psychopath.
Well, I have a feeling that this incident will give me several dozen hours of stuff to talk about in my therapy. Seems like I have about a decade or two of growing up to do. Wheee!
Although I obviously don't know if he actually got laid. Maybe she just wanted to separate him to talk to him about her abusive ex-boyfriend or whatever.
TUROK
Member
Save this for the assholes of the world. There are plenty of them out there. Channel your frustrations.
If you see him again, you should ask him what's up between him and her.
You should be happy for him.
You may well be fucking up in every possible way. But that doesn't mean you're doomed, on the contrary it's a good thing. If you weren't fucking up then there's a problem because then you're hostage to external events out of your control. If you are the fuck up, then that means if you do things differently you can get different results, which means you are in control. It may not be easy but you have something to work towards.
You know that this isn't gonna happen so your subconscious is happy to activate these primal emotions. You know that approaching someone can happen and can have negative consequences(whether it's getting rejected or having an awkward conversation or having to be honest about who you are etc) and so the subconcious won't activate the primal emotions in that regard to protect you.
scar tissue
Banned
Various anxiety disorders mean I am approximately 10-20% in control. Which is better than nothing, but unless therapy starts improving shit, I won't be able to progress. I've pretty much made the most out of my current situation (one or possibly multiple personality disorders, social anxiety, depression, ADHD): I am studying, I have a part-time job and a few friends/acquaintances, which is more than most people in my situation have. Anything more ambitious (e.g. a decent career or a relationship) is pretty unlikely to succeed as of now.
I will. It was kinda funny how the guys who were present went "Awwww shit, he's totally banging her" when the two left, while the women were like "I'm sure they're just talking".
Anyway, thanks for the support guys. I'll ask for a timeban, I really need a break from GAF or I'll flood this thread with my rantings. My posts are the posts of a madman by now. Plus, my productivity is at zero.
Take care guys, don't do anything stupid and I hope at least some of you get a bit better while I am away. I think I'll have calmed down by then too.
MarkMclovin
Member
This seems like the best place to ask. I've not gone to the doctors yet but I'm starting to feel like I should.
The last few months have been the worst in my life (Wife has left for another guy with my 2 year old girl, had redundancy hanging above me right up until Christmas and now I've been told that I have to sell the house I've been living in for the last 7 years as they think I can't afford it on my own lol) and I'm not sure if I'm now suffering or starting to suffer from depression. I basically can't stay asleep for longer than 4 or 5 hours. And that's sometimes waking up during that time too.
When I'm with friends I'm having a laugh and it's good and they are very supportive, but when I'm on my own I do feel very down. I try to watch TV to take my mind off it. I go for a run at 6 in the morning and to help lose weight and during the day I'm knackard. I think I'm going to join the gym too.
As I said, my main worry (apart from the shit going on) is my sleep. Is this normal for people who suffer from depression?
The last few months have been the worst in my life (Wife has left for another guy with my 2 year old girl, had redundancy hanging above me right up until Christmas and now I've been told that I have to sell the house I've been living in for the last 7 years as they think I can't afford it on my own lol) and I'm not sure if I'm now suffering or starting to suffer from depression. I basically can't stay asleep for longer than 4 or 5 hours. And that's sometimes waking up during that time too.
When I'm with friends I'm having a laugh and it's good and they are very supportive, but when I'm on my own I do feel very down. I try to watch TV to take my mind off it. I go for a run at 6 in the morning and to help lose weight and during the day I'm knackard. I think I'm going to join the gym too.
As I said, my main worry (apart from the shit going on) is my sleep. Is this normal for people who suffer from depression?
Sleep disturbances, either way (too much or too little) are indeed symptoms of depression.
The PHQ-9 is a well studied, widely-used, well validated screening tool for depression. Again, it's just a screening tool, not a diagnostic tool. The diagnosis of depression is made clinically, by a health care professional. The PHQ-9, or similar scales, is simply used to see if someone has symptoms suggestive of depression and, if so, how bad those symptoms are. You can also use repeat PHQ-9s to measure someone's response to treatment.
Give it a try and let me know what your score is and what you answered for question 10.
BruiserBear
Banned
There is really nothing peculiar about your feelings right now. It's all normal to a degree.
When something traumatic happens, you're going to suffer some unpleasant feelings for a while. It's a good thing to talk about it with those who want to listen, and share your feelings. With time will come acceptance of your new circumstances, and if you keep moving forward, and trying to improve each day you'll be OK. It just takes a little time.
Napoleonthechimp
Member
I resubmitted my MA coursework and they failed it for reasons I completely disagree with. After reading their comments I flew into a rage because of how much I think they've fucked me over. The way they mark things depends entirely on their subjective interpretation of the material which I think can be wrong.
I won't be appealing because I'd rather wash my hands of that entire University but it upsets me a great deal that I've failed at yet another thing in my life. I'm 27 years old and have nothing to show for it. I was contemplating bankruptcy due to the fact that I literally have no assets to lose.
I don't think I keep on doing this...
I won't be appealing because I'd rather wash my hands of that entire University but it upsets me a great deal that I've failed at yet another thing in my life. I'm 27 years old and have nothing to show for it. I was contemplating bankruptcy due to the fact that I literally have no assets to lose.
I don't think I keep on doing this...
trab pu kcip
Member
is there nothing you can do about it? enter an objection or something? If it's well-founded they might be forced to reconsider.
also that's bullshit, I'm sure you have accomplished many great things in your life that just did not get acknowledged by some kind of official document or institution. It's the personal progress that counts imo. and that should not be confused with the standardized way of climbing up "the ladder of successs" to get a fancy job or degree. still I know what you mean.
As a Tutor at a University, lots of marking is on the level, but there can be some truly eccentric decisions and lots of egos involved, so I urge you to appeal.
TUROK
Member
He requested a ban.
Napoleonthechimp
Member
I'm sure there is an appeals process but I'm tired of fighting it. Besides, a degree doesn't mean anything in the media industry, only your showreel and actual work matters. But it is the knowledge that I failed something that has really impacted me.
I did MA Post Production Editing and we were asked to a production project and send two DVDs to the (two) tutors. I was really pleased with what I did but the tutor claimed that I didn't understand narrative clarity (which is nonsense because my decisions were intentionally thought out, and I did two different approaches to the same material to show a typical editorial approach and my own version). On top of that one of the DVDs didn't work in his machine (despite it working on mine) so he basically cut the legs out from under me just for that. I wouldn't have taken it so hard if I hadn't have thought I did a good job with my submission...
I don't have a social life at all due to an entire life of isolation so I tend to pin a lot of my self-worth on things that I do, so this failure really hit me hard. On top of that I'm also unemployed and received word about job rejections at the same time as the MA feedback.
I watched a documentary called "Dreams of a Life" which was about a 40 year old woman called Joyce Vincent whose skeletal remains were found in her flat with the TV still on 3 years after she died. What goes through my head is the thought that I am as isolated as that woman and could very well end up like her with nothing to show for the years that I've been alive.
I'm starting to realise that the fantasies and dreams I've had for myself over the years have never worked out, and those were the only things that kept me going. Abandoning them means letting go of everything I am.
Hmm I had to muster a lot of courage to post in here...
I've been alone for two weeks now, without talking to anyone outside of my classes. Just spending my time on my bed, watching tv show or sleeping.
I can't stand my friends anymore, I'm angry with them being old before age and feeling like I am stagnating when I hang out with them.
I want to change, go out and meet new people, a girl or whatever but all they want to do is watch stupid reality tv and drink juice.
And going out alone is just not right. And will be difficult as I am mostly associal and the first feeling I give is "I don't care about you".
Plus I ended up with only people I don't know in my school and don't want to know as they are all obnoxious, noisy people.
I've been alone for two weeks now, without talking to anyone outside of my classes. Just spending my time on my bed, watching tv show or sleeping.
I can't stand my friends anymore, I'm angry with them being old before age and feeling like I am stagnating when I hang out with them.
I want to change, go out and meet new people, a girl or whatever but all they want to do is watch stupid reality tv and drink juice.
And going out alone is just not right. And will be difficult as I am mostly associal and the first feeling I give is "I don't care about you".
Plus I ended up with only people I don't know in my school and don't want to know as they are all obnoxious, noisy people.
trab pu kcip
Member
but you already said that the evaluation of your work was mainly based on someone's individual interpretation, and honestly: you don't have to give a damn about that. I know it's hard to accept but if you think about it it really makes sense. so don't beat yourself up about it, especially if a degree is not that important for your intended career
trab pu kcip
Member
I know it's no fun hanging out with people you have nothing in common with... sounds like you just need to find people who are into the same stuff you are.
do you have some specific hobbies or something? this could help to find people you can connect with.
Not really, that's the thing.
Don't misunderstand me, I kinda like a lot of stuff. But I don't "love" anything to the point of calling it a hobby, I can't get into music/movie/hobby/whatever to the point of being a "fan" and spent a lot of time getting into it.
trab pu kcip
Member
aw but you have to have some preferences, e.g. what do you watch on tv?
or what are you generally interested in? there has to be something
Yeah, maybe.
But I need people to talk to, so I need to go out. Alone is hard, and I have to break my two weeks shut in in my apartment.
i struggle with that side of making new friends too. i often read advice about joining social groups for my hobbies as it's more natural and i'm too shy to randomly start talking to people but while i have a range of interests i'm not really serious about them enough to fit into dedicated groups. for example, i enjoy playing table tennis with my dad so i tried to join the university table tennis society a few months ago to make friends but i just like playing casually in my back garden not mastering my technique through relentless practice of the same moves so i had to stop after a while. or i enjoy dancing if i'm at club but i don't want to join a dance class or anything.
Exactly, it's like you can do a lot of stuff but you won't push it like someone dedicated to only that or to a few hobbies.
I listen to music but do not know barely enough compared to people going to concert every weeks or listening to everything that is coming out. Same goes for movies, games or whatever.
I went to gym a few month ago and didn't really mingle because people were way too much into it for me, talking about advanced planning, ridiculous diets and all that kind of stuff, while I was there because I just wanted to get fit, not become fucking rambo.
I like games, but not enough to do that every weekend with people who do, because I need to do different things to not get bored.
I do not feel I belong to any social category either, belong to any fashion/contemporary culture, because instead of giving myself entirely to one of them I'm the kind of guy that will pick from everywhere.
I am totally a third culture kid, thanks to the way I spent my childhood and was raised. And even though it was awesome, I now feel kind of left out.
On another note, people fully dedicated to a lifestyle, a hobby or whatever (which is basically everyone) make me angry and annoy me, because I feel like outside or their passion there is absolutely nothing to talk about with them.
It goes from music addict to drugs/smoking addicts to party/drinking addicts, sports fan or whatever you can think of.
So I'm kinda angry against the whole world right now, and I feel tense, mentally and physically.
And it's bad because as I said I'm starting to hate my friends because they are like a broken disc to me.
Same with people from my school.
Ironically enough, I need people to go out with me, because I'm way too shy to go out alone to meet new people. Even tough there is very little chance of me meeting new people if I go out with my friends.
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