Entertain me. What joke always makes you laugh?

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A Caucasian, an African American, and a Mexican walk into a bar

They find musical instruments and proceed to play prog metal as they are collectively known as animals as leaders
 
Why do ducks have flat feet?

To put out fires
.

Why do elephants have flat feet?

To put out flaming ducks
.
 
From the Simpsons, Homer getting ready to make a toast at a BBQ.

"If I could just say a few words...........I'd be a much better public speaker." Never fails to make me laugh.
 
Man goes into a psychiatrist, the man says "Doctor, doctor, you gotta help me! I keep having these strange dreams. One night I'm a teepee, the next night I'm a wigwam! Teepee, wigwam, teepee, wigwam!" Doctor looks up and says "No need to worry! You're just two tents!"
 
Patrick Bateman said:
You guys are terrible at jokes.
Click to expand...

image.php
 
A horus guard, a serpent guard and a setesh guard meet on a neutral planet. It is a tense moment. The serpent guard's eyes glow. The horus guard's beak glistens.

The setesh guard's nose drips.
 
Guy walks into a psychiatrists office, completely naked, wrapped from head to toe in a roll of clear plastic wrap. The shrink looks up from his desk, takes one look at the man and says "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
 
http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2wk1tp/there_once_was_a_woman_who_had_100_children/

There once was a woman who had 100 children.

She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety. Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and never told their mother afraid she would kick the dog out . In fact they never told anyone. To keep from arousing any suspicions they named the dog "This" so the name could be used in conversation. One day This ran away. They never saw This again. No one else knew about This. No one even knew a dog named This existed.
Only Ninety's kids will remember This.
 
EskimoJoe said:
Man goes into a psychiatrist, the man says "Doctor, doctor, you gotta help me! I keep having these strange dreams. One night I'm a teepee, the next night I'm a wigwam! Teepee, wigwam, teepee, wigwam!" Doctor looks up and says "No need to worry! You're just two tents!"
Click to expand...

I like this one. :D
 
What do you call 400 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A terrible tragedy. These lawyers likely had familes that will miss them very much
 
Admiral Woofington said:
"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Jason"

"Jason who?"

Jason began to tear up. His grandmother's alzheimer's reached a point she couldn't recognize him.
Click to expand...

Rentahamster said:
http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2wk1tp/there_once_was_a_woman_who_had_100_children/

She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety. Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and never told their mother afraid she would kick the dog out . In fact they never told anyone. To keep from arousing any suspicions they named the dog "This" so the name could be used in conversation. One day This ran away. They never saw This again. No one else knew about This. No one even knew a dog named This existed.
Only Ninety's kids will remember This.
Click to expand...

Clap.gif :D
 
The ones that always make you laugh are going to be the ones that you think are stupid. Like dad jokes or fart jokes.

I once stayed up all night to try and find out where the sun goes ...then it dawned on me.


Admiral Woofington said:
"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Jason"

"Jason who?"

Jason began to tear up. His grandmother's alzheimer's reached a point she couldn't recognize him.
Click to expand...

This had me in tears.

TimeEffect said:
I know a good knock knock joke but one of you guys have to start it off for me..
Click to expand...

Knock Knock
 
Mr. Smith is in the waiting room before his doctor's appointment.

The doctor walks in:

"Mr. Smith, you need to stop masturbating"

"Why?"

"Because, it's time for your appointment"

<ba-dum-ching!>
 
Rentahamster said:
http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2wk1tp/there_once_was_a_woman_who_had_100_children/

She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety. Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and never told their mother afraid she would kick the dog out . In fact they never told anyone. To keep from arousing any suspicions they named the dog "This" so the name could be used in conversation. One day This ran away. They never saw This again. No one else knew about This. No one even knew a dog named This existed.
Only Ninety's kids will remember This.
Click to expand...
Goddammit
 
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