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Europa Universalis IV MP Community Thread of fanboi needing to speaka da English

Who will be the first backstabbing victim?


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Well looks like Lithuania and Venice are on their own unless someone is found within the next almost 12 hours.
I shall be the glorious Regency Council for the glorious nation of Pasai.

Also, the poll is kinda redundant by now - I was the first backstabbing victim after all. :D
 
D

Deleted member 125677

Unconfirmed Member
Well looks like Lithuania and Venice are on their own unless someone is found within the next almost 12 hours.
I shall be the glorious Regency Council for the glorious nation of Pasai.

Also, the poll is kinda redundant by now - I was the first backstabbing victim after all. :D

Make sure to pick Humanist Ideas!



And who broke a deal with you, btw?
 

Fitz

Member
Fitz promised me to not help Toma attack me. He broke that promise right away.

1M4oEl8.gif


I didn't promise shit! During the first session I said I wasn't planning to attack you at that time, which I wasn't.
 

CloudWolf

Member
You can peace out Provence at the start of the game by releasing Normandy, Guyenne and ceding Calais to Burgundy. Then you just blockade every French port causing War Exhaustion to go up at a rapid pace and wait. Since you have no provinces and armies in mainland Europe, France will not be able to get war score other than the ticking warscore. After a while Burgundy should declare on France and France will probably lose badly because of the WE, after that you move in with your 33K troops and win the HYW.

Another tactic is to release Guyenne and Normandy to get Provence out of the war and lure every single French army to Calais by getting military access through Burgundy, when everybody's in you cancel military access and the French troops are stuck in Calais.

Both tactics are a bit cheesy, though :p
 

CloudWolf

Member
Portugal AAR:

- Fought Morocco, Tangiers and Granada. After I finally managed to land some troops, I took back Ceuta (which had apparently defected to Morocco) and conquered the trading post in Tangiers.

- Fought Castille for my claim on the Canarias, but forgot to take the Canarias in the peace deal. Oh well, there's always a next time. Took five different provinces in the peace deal, released Leon as a vassal and gave one of the provinces to him as a token of my good will.

- I integrated Galicia under my benevolent rule

- Got my first New World colony in Brazil (yay!) and discovered some stuff with a man we all know and love, local hero Christopher Columbus

- Ended the game on another war with Morocco and Granada, this time without Aragon and Naples because they got PU'd by Castille (boo!). But it'll all work out fine I bet.
 

Kabouter

Member
New map :)

Also for ZZMitch: Crimea rebelled and declared itself independent, you lost Smolensk to Moscow but you also took four or five provinces from Golden Horde and took their vassal Ryazan. So a bit of a mixed bag.
 

Uzzy

Member
It looks like there's something wrong with your map Bernd. It seems to show a Japanese colony in the Philippines, but there's no way that would happen. It would be rather foolish to colonise in lands clearly marked out for Pasai's future expansion.
 

Haly

One day I realized that sadness is just another word for not enough coffee.
Songhai AAR
Finished my war against Kong, taking their gold province to help fill the Songhain coffers.

I also separate peaced Jenne and vassalized them. HUGE mistake. Mali rivaled me and both him and Timbuktu supported Jenne's independence. Its Liberty Desire instantly shot up to 100. I started sending out Diplomats immediately to Mali and Jenne to try to bring it under 100 and end the rivalry, to no avail.

I tried to annex Benin ASAP, but because I had only ~20 legitimacy, I couldn't contribute even one DIP per turn towards annexing. Both Benin and Jenne were totally useless and I was up to my ass in loans with half my army strength.

Well I turned off all the sliders and resigned myself to destruction. Paid off my 12 loans one by one, and though Mali was allied with Timbuktu against me (seriously, I could've vassalized them way earlier but never bothered to) they never ganged up on me. While I was checking my stove, Yao called me into war. I just barely missed it so I lost my only major ally in the area. Not a huge deal, as I wouldn't have made a difference anyway.

Once I was in the green, I went back on the offensive, gobbling up tiny Dagbon and Mossi, who recently freed themselves from Kong, so they were left without an ally. The god smiled upon me and gave me a Statesman, allowing me to begin annexing. In the middle of the annexing, my king died and my heir took over, catapulting me to 80 Legitimacy. Before I finished annexing I took Dahomey and Oyo, both reduced to OPMs.

Finished annexing Benin before the session ended, and now Jenne is no longer as rebellious. On the other hand, I'm being boxed in by Timbuktu, Air (who is now eating up Yao), and Mali. There's only a few more countries I can eat up before I'm forced to confront the alliance networks. I sidled up to Nupe and I'm ready to bring them into an alliance, but they probably won't be enough to stop Mali/Timbuktu.

Although I have a Colonist, the Tropical mallus around the African provinces mean I get precisely 0 settlers per year. I'm tempted to just clear out the natives because I can't dedicate my entire army to babysitting a colony for 50 years.

My people, hearing rumors of these "white devils", look towards the open sea, hoping for them to bring much needed chaos to a gridlocked Africa.
 

Morfeo

The Chuck Norris of Peace
I am tempted to put that Bernd steam popup into more "BANNED" images. (Also GAF black is more beautiful)

LOL! I actually didnt even know there was a black gaf, might have to check it out :)

It looks like there's something wrong with your map Bernd. It seems to show a Japanese colony in the Philippines, but there's no way that would happen. It would be rather foolish to colonise in lands clearly marked out for Pasai's future expansion.

Yeah, that would be extremely n00bish indeed - but then again, remember who steers the land of the rising sun!
 

Haly

One day I realized that sadness is just another word for not enough coffee.
I think my only hope is if Timuktu annexes the remnants of Macina and then gets into a fight with Mali.

Alternatively, I could expand Jenne, since they're firmly under my thumb now, and hope they can take on Mali and Timbuktu with me.
 
D

Deleted member 125677

Unconfirmed Member
lol

Did you let Red Arremer handle your GAF account as well, Uzzy? :D
 

mkenyon

Banned
New map :)

Also for ZZMitch: Crimea rebelled and declared itself independent, you lost Smolensk to Moscow but you also took four or five provinces from Golden Horde and took their vassal Ryazan. So a bit of a mixed bag.
Is that Brandenburg that already has Danzig?

If so, RIP EU Powers.
 
Interim Council AAR for Pasai
The generous ruler of Pasai decided to take a leave of absence together with his children, in order to travel the world and study. As such, the Interim Council came together to lead his nation in this time, and we received instructions with our contractor's wishes, for what we should carry out before his return to the throne.
And we believe we have governed the glorious nation of Pasai to his satisfaction.

We have acquired the ability to expand into unclaimed territory, although due to internal crisis, couldn't take advantage of that just yet.
Instead, we forged alliances in the region, particularly in order to take out our rival Malacca. Together with Ayutthaya, we have entered a war with the filthy Malaccans, and their Pattani lapdogs. Our alliance with the Thai proved as very useful, and we were able to not only shove Pattani out of the war and take their pathetic amount of money, but also started occupying Malaccan land, ensuring our expansion onto the mainland.

Sadly, our interim governance did not last long enough to conclude the war against Malacca, but we stand ready whenever our governance is needed. Around the world.
 

Uzzy

Member
lol

Did you let Red Arremer handle your GAF account as well, Uzzy? :D

Not at all! Just politely expressing my surprise that you'd choose the rich, verdant lands of the Philippines to send your singular, exposed colonist, as opposed to the cold, oppressive wastelands of Siberia and Alaska. And all without even a Konnichiwa.
 

Haly

One day I realized that sadness is just another word for not enough coffee.
Looks like everyone's doing rather well except me. Frankly, my expansion was hampered by how scared to death I was of rebellions. I let many countries go when I could've annexed them because I didn't want my Overextension above 40%.

I don't know how you guys manage to annex huge swaths of territory without fearing retribution.
 
Looks like everyone's doing rather well except me. Frankly, my expansion was hampered by how scared to death I was of rebellions. I let many countries go when I could've annexed them because I didn't want my Overextension above 40%.

I don't know how you guys manage to annex huge swaths of territory without fearing retribution.

To be fair, I find Africa to be really difficult to play in. The troops are ass, the terrain is shitty for attacking, and the land is mostly trash, so if you take a big hit to your stability (and I don't mean the in-game Stability, just the general stability of your economy and such) after a war, and have a bunch of OE, you can get into real trouble. I had that in my Kilwa game, those enormous rebel stacks standing around in mountains and shit like that, ugh.
And that's with the glorious Mutapan gold mines.


Yeah, it is. Brandenburg is already in beast mode.

Brandenburg is always in beast mode, it's Brandenburg. Even AI Brandenburg is not to be trifled with, especially if they take charge in fights.
 
D

Deleted member 231381

Unconfirmed Member
WOOOOOOOMBOOOOOO COOOOOOOOOOOOOOMBOO

I CAN DO IT! I CAN WIN! I AM INVINCIBLE! HRRUUUUUUUGHHHHH!

COMEBACK KING DESTROYS PUNY MESOAMERICAN FOOLS, AZTEC SMASH!

That is all, gentlemen.

sometimes im just too damn sexy
 
WOOOOOOOMBOOOOOO COOOOOOOOOOOOOOMBOO

I CAN DO IT! I CAN WIN! I AM INVINCIBLE! HRRUUUUUUUGHHHHH!

COMEBACK KING DESTROYS PUNY MESOAMERICAN FOOLS, AZTEC SMASH!

That is all, gentlemen.

sometimes im just too damn sexy

2tSY5yP.png


You need to rename your tribe to the Sextecs.
 
D

Deleted member 231381

Unconfirmed Member
Kab I hope you keep the saves, so people can see how I started and ended this session when we're done, and marvel at the glory that was.
 

Uzzy

Member
I'm hoping that Brandenburg gets big, so we can see some amazing Prussia vs France European wars. I'm also hoping that the Timurids and Ming meet up, so I can sit and watch those massive wars.
 

ZZMitch

Member
Was Crimea even my vassal to lose? Maybe I am mistaken but I thought they were Ottomans vassals.

Thanks for the update guys. I am a bit behind missing two sessions but hopefully I can still be an important player! Already won a human vs human war so great success has already been achieved :p
 

Mgoblue201

Won't stop picking the right nation
Was Crimea even my vassal to lose? Maybe I am mistaken but I thought they were Ottomans vassals.

Thanks for the update guys. I am a bit behind missing two sessions but hopefully I can still be an important player! Already won a human vs human war so great success has already been achieved :p
Crimea didn't exist at the start of the session. They revolted away after your nation got double teamed by Muscovy and the Golden Horde. It also looks like you're being overrun by Kievan nationalists. But the situation is salvageable as long as you don't mind reconquering the provinces you lost.
 
D

Deleted member 125677

Unconfirmed Member
Not at all! Just politely expressing my surprise that you'd choose the rich, verdant lands of the Philippines to send your singular, exposed colonist, as opposed to the cold, oppressive wastelands of Siberia and Alaska. And all without even a Konnichiwa.
love.jpg
love.jpg
love.jpg

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2474026s7pesud34f.gif
2474026s7pesud34f.gif

love.jpg
love.jpg
love.jpg
 
D

Deleted member 231381

Unconfirmed Member
(soundtrack) -83% warscore, over 55 loans, no troops left, only an army of 9 mercenaries so expensive they cost 6 times my monthly income to update. Tlapanec has 14 troops, sieging down my second to last province. I have no choice but to attack: I go bankrupt in 3 months, I will never have more mercs than this, it is now or never. It's a hopeless endeavour, but I shall go down in a blaze of glory. Just before engaging with my 1/0/1/0 general, I decide to reroll in the vague hope of getting something better. The gods bless me, with a 1/4/1/1 descending to lead my army. To our deaths!

But! Lo, the Aztec +2.5% discipline and +10 infantry and +4 shock over come the defender's river bonus and superior numbers. They're beaten back as the Aztecs cling on by the tiniest sliver of morale having rolled a 9 in the final phase of combat. I can't let them have a chance to regroup, but I can't maintain an army of 9: bankruptcy is immediately upon me. I consolidate the troops and push on, chasing Tlapanec back to the capital, where a second very narrow victory pushes them away.

I can't continue like this, though. They hold my capital, and the ticking warscore is only going to get worse, not to mention my war exhaustion. I make the brave decision to split my army of now 5 mercs into two halves, sending 2 troops down to siege the Tlapanec capital. Meanwhile, the other 3 retreat into the wasteland, distracting the Tlapanec 6-stack. Through some ingenious troop management, I delay Tlapanec long enough without actually engaging them to siege their capital.

Once it is sieged, they immediately leave to siege it themselves, and I push on and free my capital, before engaging Tlapanec one last time. I have a mere 3 mercs left now, having to consolidate every month lest the reinforcement costs bankrupt me. After forcing Tlapanec off, I siege one last province of theirs when suddenly Tarascan, the meanest major in Mesoamerica, declares on Tlapanec; sensing the weakness I forced on them.

Tarascan engages Tlapanec's army, and I take the chance to turn maintenance down while sieging. Months pass, and soon I have enought to afford two further troops. Tlapanec is now fully sieged, although one province by Tarascan, and I move on their vassal Colima; meanwhile Tarascan is locked in a bitter battle with Zapotec and Itze, Tlapanec's allies (who, incidentally, I beat last session in a come-back almost as thrilling as this one). Before long, Colima is fully sieged.

I can't sue for peace just yet, because it would drag me into war with Tarascan, who I can't possibly beat. However, calls for peace have started; I'm torn, what do I do? I hold out in a vague hope just a little longer, before noticing that Tarascan's main stack, de-sieging one of their provinces, is now longer reinforcing: their manpower is sunk. After cautiously waiting, I move my troops onto the same province as them, and then vassalize Tlapanec and Colima in one swift swoop, bringing me into war with Tarascan but negating the defense penalties. Once again, my outnumbered Aztec band manage to clutch out a narrow victory against superior numbers.

The end is in sight now. The final process is simply sieging down Tarascan, to be rewarded with 39 ducats, enough to pay off 3 of my loans; the province of Cuoma, so that I can reach Colima in the future, War Reparations, again to help the debt, and enforced Military Access. Now, I am at peace and have five vassals. I quickly sacrifice Tarascan's 6/4/3 leader to make them less of a threat and reduce my Doom enough to hit MIL tech 2, and then pass the first reform: +5% discipline.

The Aztecs have been in one long, continuous period of warfare from 1454-1474; and were losing for the most of it. Through the course of this series of successive wars, with no peace in sight, I managed to fend off: Mixtec (2x), Tarascan (2x), Tlapanec (2x), Colima (1x), Zapotec (3x), Cocomes (1x), Kitche (1x), Totonac (1x), Tlaxcala (1x), Itze (1x), Xiu (2x); and pass a reform. Every other nation in Mesoamerica has come to fear my name. Peace has come to Mesoamerica, and the Aztecs are victorious!

(concluding video)
 

mkenyon

Banned
Brandenburg is always in beast mode, it's Brandenburg. Even AI Brandenburg is not to be trifled with, especially if they take charge in fights.
I love just throwing a 40 stack at whatever across any terrain and knowing I can look elsewhere with an ensured victory in that province.
 

ZZMitch

Member
Hey guys I may end up dropping out. I have another meeting next Wednesday so I will miss that session and I will be missing a few more sessions the weeks after due to plane flights (all booked on Wednesdays and Sundays so unlucky!). Don't think I will be getting much of anywhere when I am only around half the time!
 

Kabouter

Member
Hey guys I may end up dropping out. I have another meeting next Wednesday so I will miss that session and I will be missing a few more sessions the weeks after due to plane flights (all booked on Wednesdays and Sundays so unlucky!). Don't think I will be getting much of anywhere when I am only around half the time!

Shame man, but totally understandable if you drop out given how much you'd miss. AI doesn't seem to be doing a very fine job managing in your absence generally, so... :/
 

Kabouter

Member
*clears throat*

Not really tho. Too close to Fitz and Brandenburg.

It's fine by me if you want it, it being close to other players isn't that big a deal imo. Eastern Europe isn't that crowded, and Fitz will surely prioritize India being on his way to form the Mughals and all.
 
D

Deleted member 231381

Unconfirmed Member
...remind me why half of you gave the Timurids a 3 again? I am holding each and every one of you responsible for this.
 

Kabouter

Member
...remind me why half of you gave the Timurids a 3 again? I am holding each and every one of you responsible for this.

Especially given how Mgo dominated at the end of the last game despite having started with the much weaker Qara Qoyunlu :D
 
D

Deleted member 231381

Unconfirmed Member
Did anyone hear something? I thought could, but it's difficult to hear anything over the sound of Byzantium being freed.
 
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