Neutron Night
Banned
Post your favorite quotes from these two shows here. It doesn't have to be exact, just the general idea. I'll start:
FAMILY GUY
Lois: Peter, you're such a child!
Peter: Yeah, well if I'm a child, that makes you a pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm going to live with a pervert.
--------
(Stewie goes onstage and does a performance for his acting class)
Girl: You ARE the weakest link, goodbye!
Stewie: Wow! You're SO funny! Such original material, too! I mean, you know, it's like straight from that show, except you used it in a different context, OUTSIDE the show, referring to something different. No one has every done that before. I mean really, you're the first one to do that. Because it's SOOOOO funny! I mean, how did you do it? How did you manage to come up with something so original, becuase I mean, no one has EVER used that before. I mean, you know, this is comedy GOLD here, because that is SOOO original. While we're making jokes that are at the height of their cultural popularity, how about you throw out some Titanic jokes? Because you know you're SOOOO funny.
--------
(Peter cuts a cake with a girl inside it, the blade hits and kills the girl)
Peter: OH GOD (while tasting cake)....coconut. (disgusted)
---------
(courtroom, Brian is being prosecuted, Peter is called as a witness)
Lawyer: Mr. Griffin, which term describes Brian better, alcoholic or African-American haberdasher?
Peter: Well, alchoholic, but....
Lawyer: Sexual deviant, or magic picture where if you look at it long enough, you see something?
Peter: Sexual deviant, but that other one...
Lawyer: I rest my case.
--------
Guy #1: Here, have some gum.
Guy #2: Thanks.
Guy #1: Ha! That's joke gum! Now you're addicted to heroin.
Guy #2: (shivering) It's so cold....
---------
FUTURAMA
(universe collapses in on itself, Fry and others float around in nothingness)
Fry: Where are we?
Al Gore: I can tell you where we're not: the universe.
----------
Professor: This is my new invention, the Deathclock. It tells you exactly how long you have to live.
Fry: Wow, does it really work?
Professor: Well, it may be off by a few seconds, what with free will and all.
------------
(aliens have invaded, all the Earth's people are called to report for military duty, Zapf and Leela meet on the space station)
Zapf Branigan: Ah, Leela! I can tell this is going to be a very SENSUAL struggle for survival of the human race.
------------
(Zapf gets fired and is looking for a job, he asks to work at the delivery service where Leela works)
Zapf: Do you need anything? Like for me to wash the windows, service you sexually, clean the floors, or something like that?
FAMILY GUY
Lois: Peter, you're such a child!
Peter: Yeah, well if I'm a child, that makes you a pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm going to live with a pervert.
--------
(Stewie goes onstage and does a performance for his acting class)
Girl: You ARE the weakest link, goodbye!
Stewie: Wow! You're SO funny! Such original material, too! I mean, you know, it's like straight from that show, except you used it in a different context, OUTSIDE the show, referring to something different. No one has every done that before. I mean really, you're the first one to do that. Because it's SOOOOO funny! I mean, how did you do it? How did you manage to come up with something so original, becuase I mean, no one has EVER used that before. I mean, you know, this is comedy GOLD here, because that is SOOO original. While we're making jokes that are at the height of their cultural popularity, how about you throw out some Titanic jokes? Because you know you're SOOOO funny.
--------
(Peter cuts a cake with a girl inside it, the blade hits and kills the girl)
Peter: OH GOD (while tasting cake)....coconut. (disgusted)
---------
(courtroom, Brian is being prosecuted, Peter is called as a witness)
Lawyer: Mr. Griffin, which term describes Brian better, alcoholic or African-American haberdasher?
Peter: Well, alchoholic, but....
Lawyer: Sexual deviant, or magic picture where if you look at it long enough, you see something?
Peter: Sexual deviant, but that other one...
Lawyer: I rest my case.
--------
Guy #1: Here, have some gum.
Guy #2: Thanks.
Guy #1: Ha! That's joke gum! Now you're addicted to heroin.
Guy #2: (shivering) It's so cold....
---------
FUTURAMA
(universe collapses in on itself, Fry and others float around in nothingness)
Fry: Where are we?
Al Gore: I can tell you where we're not: the universe.
----------
Professor: This is my new invention, the Deathclock. It tells you exactly how long you have to live.
Fry: Wow, does it really work?
Professor: Well, it may be off by a few seconds, what with free will and all.
------------
(aliens have invaded, all the Earth's people are called to report for military duty, Zapf and Leela meet on the space station)
Zapf Branigan: Ah, Leela! I can tell this is going to be a very SENSUAL struggle for survival of the human race.
------------
(Zapf gets fired and is looking for a job, he asks to work at the delivery service where Leela works)
Zapf: Do you need anything? Like for me to wash the windows, service you sexually, clean the floors, or something like that?