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[ronito]

He's a fan of Michigan State, often shortened to "State."

Not sure why he also mentions Mississippi, it may be some sort of Michigan State fandom in-joke that's over our heads.

So if you can decipher what he's trying to say is it funny?

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I have no idea what any of this means.

A view into the mind of madness.

 

[SerArthurDayne]

So if you can decipher what he's trying to say is it funny?

It is basically a run-down list of citations to in-jokes from the best damn thread in the GAF, College Football land, that developed over the past week.

 

[Featheredkitten]

You know what I find funny?
You look for gaf to see how pathetic he is.
But I find you scouring gaf for an ex even more pathetic than that.

It is very pathetic. Like looking at pictures of your ex's on facebook to see if they're happy.

 

[ronito]

It is very pathetic. Like looking at pictures of your ex's on facebook to see if they're happy.

Yeah that's pathetic. But it's totally normal to look them up on facebook to make sure they turned fat and ugly. And feeling vindicated when you're right. Right? Right???

 

[ronito]

The things you've seen Ronito...

I take solace by telling myself they're most likely not true. Please god let them be not true.

 

[ronito]

Hey, I am in a bad place right now. For some background I have a long term illness which leaves me registered disabled, I am quite weak, get ill easily and can't physically get up in the mornings. I have recently been kicked off my college course for missing deadlines last year because I was just too ill to complete the work. I was on an IT Course because I wanted to be able to work from home in case of being ill. So now my Mum is losing some benefits she needs to pay the bills, which means she is stressing me to get a job. I can't work at a supermarket type place cause I can't do heavy lifting. Almost all retail stores turn me down because of this. I am getting really depressed by this and have no idea what the fuck I am going to do now. All the other places that do my course have told me the same thing about missing deadlines so I feel I am screwed!

Just wanted to get this off my chest so cheers.

Man, that's gotta be hard. Maybe someone here can help? Though without a location it's gonna be hard. I know where you are, but that's because I know everything. But I don't tell.

But I'm pretty sure there are some gaffers in the area that might have something or know of some programs.

If not...uh...webcam?

 

[fmpanda]

Man, that's gotta be hard. Maybe someone here can help? Though without a location it's gonna be hard. I know where you are, but that's because I know everything. But I don't tell.

But I'm pretty sure there are some gaffers in the area that might have something or know of some programs.

If not...uh...webcam?

To be honest, location really does make a difference here, but some basic things to look into are seeing if your disability is severe enough to qualify for SSDI, which would be able to provide you with funds to help take care of bills/food/rent. If not, I would recommend getting in touch with the local branch of your state's workforce commission to see about maybe getting some type of training that would allow you to work from home or work small data entry work on the side.

In the meantime, if your main vocation is IT, I would try building up your portfolio independently as much as possible, especially if you have any programming skills as that can cross over into other areas of Computer Science, even if it's helping build and maintain a network for programs like Non-Profits or Not-for-Profits as that does help count on your resume.

I hope that gives you a little bit of an idea on what to do, stay strong there as I know a little bit of what you have to go through (I'm a caregiver for my Disabled Dad).

 

[CHEEZMO™]

I think that guy's British.

 

[viciouskillersquirrel]

You know what I find funny?
You look for gaf to see how pathetic he is.
But I find you scouring gaf for an ex even more pathetic than that.

Sounds like someone is bitter that they lost the breakup. Either that or they're into the video games and stumbled upon an ex's posts. That'd be awkward as heck.

Speaking of awkward, about five years ago, I went out on a few dates with a girl I met during uni (college). We'd always had a bit of sexual tension between us but the timing never worked out while we were studying. Basically we were never both single at the same time.

Long story short, she got a serious boyfriend, but we stayed friends because she was good people and fun to hang with anyway. She brings him in a few times and I meet him, but I can sense that under the polite courtesy, he hates me with a profound, festering hatred. No big deal, I'm not the kind of dude who tries to hook up with another dude's lady.

After uni ends, we lose contact for a while, but run into one another. Turns out she broke up with that guy. I ask her out, we go on a few dates etc., but things kinda fizzle out. It's disappointing because I thought we had something there, but it never got very serious and we agree to stay friends.

We met up a few times after that, but as time went on, it got more and more awkward, culminating in her pretending to not see me in public. That was annoying, but these things happen.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago and I take my wife and mother in law to my local pizza place. Who should be sitting at the next table over then but this girl and the guy she dated during uni?

I think that after our little fling, they got back together and the only way she managed to get past hooking up with a guy that her significant other was actively suspicious of was to freeze me out completely.

This all dawns on me as we sit there pretending not to notice each other and eating our pizza.

It's weird to say it, but some notification that this is what was happening might've been nice. Even a text message along the lines of "You're dead to me kthxbai" would have sufficed. Instead, I spent the better part of four years thinking it was something I did.

 

[Amagon]

Has anybody ever sent you naked pics Ronito?

 

[viciouskillersquirrel]

Has anybody ever sent you naked pics Ronito?

A better question is has ronito ever responded in kind?

 

[ronito]

Has anybody ever sent you naked pics Ronito?

Dick pics. Dick pics everywhere.

 

[FO-totality]

Has anybody ever sent you naked pics Ronito?

Yes, he's said in other threads that he's gotten quite the amount of dicks sent to him.

He's never been blown away.

 

[Amagon]

Dick pics. Dick pics everywhere.

Why am I not surprised?

 

[H.Protagonist]

Dick pics. Dick pics everywhere.

Since you're basically the priest that Gaffers whisper their confessions to, that's pretty proper, right?

And I was told this thread was interesting, but frankly, some of it's terrifying (what I've skimmed today anyway). Does it give you bad dreams at night, Ronito?

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Since you're basically the priest that Gaffers whisper their confessions to, that's pretty proper, right?

And I was told this thread was interesting, but frankly, some of it's terrifying (what I've skimmed today anyway). Does it give you bad dreams at night, Ronito?

Oh man, some of these confessions are a doozy. You'll need a strong constitution for them.

I think either Ronito's dead inside at this point or he is truly the hero we deserve.

I salute you, Cat.

 

[H.Protagonist]

Oh man, some of these confessions are a doozy. You'll need a strong constitution for them.

I think either Ronito's dead inside at this point or he is truly the hero we deserve.

I salute you, Cat.

http://www.abload.de/img/13469694187194ee3o.jpg[IMG][/QUOTE]

But he confessed he wasn't a cat. :( That was the one that truly shook me to the core.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

But he confessed he wasn't a cat. That was the one that truly shook me to the core.

 

[Cyan]

But he confessed he wasn't a cat. That was the one that truly shook me to the core.

Don't worry about it, ronito's only messing with you guys. I can confirm that he's totally a cat.

 

[ronito]

Since you're basically the priest that Gaffers whisper their confessions to, that's pretty proper, right?

lol I guess it is pretty fitting.

And I was told this thread was interesting, but frankly, some of it's terrifying (what I've skimmed today anyway). Does it give you bad dreams at night, Ronito?

I will say after transexual prostitute fucker, Doozy, HIVMan, Sisterlicker and all the cousin fuckers out there it's made it pretty damn hard to shock me. When my friends say "You won't believe what <person x> did!" My reply is that not only can I believe it easily, unless there's some animal involved it probably wont even register as a raised eyebrow.

Frankly even in real life people tend to confess to me quite a bit even before these threads. So it's not entirely new. I was used to knowing about people's freakyness for years before this even started.

I will say though some of the unpostable ones were pretty disturbing. There were a few racist rants that made me more sad than mad. A few others that I'd consider date rape, all of which though were obviously poorly written fantasy instead of confession (one was even copy/pasted from a erotica site). I found it strange that someone got off on sending that in. But you get used to it.

But there was one guy (or girl) with an unpostable that stands out. Seriously I just wanted to lock myself in a room for days after that one.

 

[B-Dubs]

lol I guess it is pretty fitting.


I will say after transexual prostitute fucker, Doozy, HIVMan, Sisterlicker and all the cousin fuckers out there it's made it pretty damn hard to shock me. When my friends say "You won't believe what <person x> did!" My reply is that not only can I believe it easily, unless there's some animal involved it probably wont even register as a raised eyebrow.

Frankly even in real life people tend to confess to me quite a bit even before these threads. So it's not entirely new. I was used to knowing about people's freakyness for years before this even started.

I will say though some of the unpostable ones were pretty disturbing. There were a few racist rants that made me more sad than mad. A few others that I'd consider date rape, all of which though were obviously poorly written fantasy instead of confession (one was even copy/pasted from a erotica site). I found it strange that someone got off on sending that in. But you get used to it.

But there was one guy (or girl) with an unpostable that stands out. Seriously I just wanted to lock myself in a room for days after that one.

You've got to at least summarize or something dude. That's a pretty big claim after what we've seen.

 

[fmpanda]

I think that guy's British.

Ahhh, fiddlesticks. Well, hopefully the stuff I said in the latter part of my reply will help somewhat then.

 

[ronito]

You've got to at least summarize or something dude. That's a pretty big claim after what we've seen.

Let's just say, it contained all kinds of violence against animals and people in it. Pretty detailed and terrible stuff. Further it was so well anonymized I couldn't do anything with it. If I could do something or pinpoint some location I would've alerted authorities. But there was nothing in it. Even showed it to a few friends in law enforcement and they told me there wasn't much that could be done on it. Don't really like to think about it or talk about it much. It was pretty damn bad.

 

[Agent Cooper]

I publicly confess that NotTheGuyYouKill and Ronito are some of my favorite Gaffers.

Yup.

 

[B-Dubs]

Let's just say, it contained all kinds of violence against animals and people in it. Pretty detailed and terrible stuff. Further it was so well anonymized I couldn't do anything with it. If I could do something or pinpoint some location I would've alerted authorities. But there was nothing in it. Even showed it to a few friends in law enforcement and they told me there wasn't much that could be done on it. Don't really like to think about it or talk about it much. It was pretty damn bad.

Damn son, that's fucked up.

 

[ronito]

Been meaning to send something for a while now.

I've got a few confessions and I'm not about to describe them all elaborately, but I figure they're interesting enough to give cliff notes about:

I knew about autoerotic asphyxiation basically around the time I started masturbating. I was about 9 years old. I never tried it, scared or something I guess, but I used to think up other ways to jerk off creatively. I probably did it a few dozen times using my mother's large hair clips. Link: http://portfolio.geografixx.com/ebay_template/accessorizeme/images/product.jpg

Sometimes I used Barbie dolls and had them straddle my dick. This did not usually work, as the space between the legs was so small it was tough to get them into a position where they could be clamped down. Also, on some dolls the thigh/hip joints pinched my skin and I had to pry myself out, causing small red bruises. I developed this weird fantasy for a while about tiny girls. Not children, but like Tinkerbell-sized girls. I don't remember what that was about.

Sometimes I used baking soda or makeup powder on my palm for different sensations. Once I used unfurled cigarettes. I don't remember why.

That's all pretty harmless, but I was doing it multiple times per day. Like, 3-5 on average between the ages of 9 and 16. My record for one day was 32, to the point where my dick was so physically exhausted that it burned to pee. I had to practically shit myself straining to piss. My skin got so dried out it started to peel.

And of course it escalated. I began stealing packs of meat from grocery stores, or sneaking them out of the freezer, and fucking those. I cut holes into steaks and fucked the steaks. Sometimes I warmed them up, sometimes I didn't. Sometimes I used two steaks together, frozen. I'd have like one steak on my nuts, one on my asshole, and two around my cock.

My family had a large fridge/freezer in the basement and a few times I fit myself inside there, a very tight squeeze,and jerked off in 0 degree F, skin-sticking-to-the-door coldness. I would finish in there and wriggle myself out. Did it two or three times while my entire family was home, made the whole thing more exciting. My heart was practically bursting out of my chest.

I've sucked my own dick. That was a thing I did around when I was 14-16. It's alright, but I always got dizzy whenI did it and I got afraid of getting caught or breaking my spine. Farthest I got it was maybe 2-3 inches in my mouth.

I am uncircumcised but spent a few weeks in my teens stretching my foreskin out so it looked like I wasn't. Now people don't even notice.

I once stole a peacock feather from a zoo gift shop, but felt bad and returned it a couple of weeks later.

32 times in a day?! Man that's not ejaculation at that point, it's more like penile dry heaving. Maybe some dust came out. Goddamn.

Also I love how he closes with the peacock feather. So inconsequential.

 

[H.Protagonist]

I like this gif. (Castiel <3) Thanks, NTGYK.

Don't worry about it, ronito's only messing with you guys. I can confirm that he's totally a cat.

So the tiger says the cat's a cat, huh? Hmm....

lol I guess it is pretty fitting.


I will say after transexual prostitute fucker, Doozy, HIVMan, Sisterlicker and all the cousin fuckers out there it's made it pretty damn hard to shock me. When my friends say "You won't believe what <person x> did!" My reply is that not only can I believe it easily, unless there's some animal involved it probably wont even register as a raised eyebrow.

Frankly even in real life people tend to confess to me quite a bit even before these threads. So it's not entirely new. I was used to knowing about people's freakyness for years before this even started.

I will say though some of the unpostable ones were pretty disturbing. There were a few racist rants that made me more sad than mad. A few others that I'd consider date rape, all of which though were obviously poorly written fantasy instead of confession (one was even copy/pasted from a erotica site). I found it strange that someone got off on sending that in. But you get used to it.

But there was one guy (or girl) with an unpostable that stands out. Seriously I just wanted to lock myself in a room for days after that one.

Yeah... I did read HIVMan in full. Surely, surely that one can't be real. Maybe I just don't want to believe that people are so wantonly cruel, though. The racist ones I can, unfortunately, believe quite easily, as well as the semi-rape ones, sadly.

You know... Maybe you should do a 'good' confessions thread? To counter balance the awfulness? Since when posting what good stuff people have done could also be a complete lie because they want approval, then perhaps anonymous confessions of altruism and kindness would be better (and more honest). Not all humans are terrible or indifferent. But, who knows if you'd even get enough material or interest for it. The awful and shocking tends to garner more interest, unfortunately.

 

[SerArthurDayne]

lol I guess it is pretty fitting.


I will say after transexual prostitute fucker, Doozy, HIVMan, Sisterlicker and all the cousin fuckers out there it's made it pretty damn hard to shock me. When my friends say "You won't believe what <person x> did!" My reply is that not only can I believe it easily, unless there's some animal involved it probably wont even register as a raised eyebrow.

Frankly even in real life people tend to confess to me quite a bit even before these threads. So it's not entirely new. I was used to knowing about people's freakyness for years before this even started.

I will say though some of the unpostable ones were pretty disturbing. There were a few racist rants that made me more sad than mad. A few others that I'd consider date rape, all of which though were obviously poorly written fantasy instead of confession (one was even copy/pasted from a erotica site). I found it strange that someone got off on sending that in. But you get used to it.

But there was one guy (or girl) with an unpostable that stands out. Seriously I just wanted to lock myself in a room for days after that one.

I think you have posted a pic before, right? If I ever see you on the street, man you are going to get an earful.






I don't have shit to confess. I'm a boring man.

 

[Resilient]

This thread is so addictive, I can't handle it man. Ronito , how you keep these posts bottled up I'll never know. Argh!!

 

[ronito]

Subject: Oh and one more:

My mom had some of that instant snow stuff for christmas decorating, and I poured some in a bucket once and went to town.

 

[Cyan]

So the tiger says the cat's a cat, huh? Hmm....

Who can you trust if not me, H?

 

[ronito]

So i'm after GAF's opinion anonymously.. can I get some advice on whether I should be moving on and finding a new best friend?

We've known each other for 3 years, we were super close, skyping / smsing to amuse each other constantly up until about 6 months ago. He got a girlfriend and a new friend to hang out with.. we haven't properly spoken for ages.

Whatever I say will come off as bias, so i won't say much about what things I do that annoy him, and what he does that annoys me besides the fact I think he has turned into a total cunt. We have excluded each other from events for a while now, however he has been talking shit about me for a long time, constantly calling me autistic to friends we share and painting me in a negative light.

I'm very much over the whole thing and he is an extremely negative force in my life, hearing him 'trolling' and 'antagonising' me (his words, i think it's bullying) which I don't think I want. I'm hanging out with other friends more and more, and meeting new people thru sports over the coming months..

Is it time to cut this guy loose? I don't think I have anything to gain from it, i'll lose my friendship with his girlfriend and a few others i'm sure, however weighing it up, i'll be less stressed / worried about all the shit he's talking about me.

Thanks GAF.

Dude you don't even need GAF to tell you what to do here. Instead here's a picture of a banana cat

 

[viciouskillersquirrel]

32 times in a day?! Man that's not ejaculation at that point, it's more like penile dry heaving. Maybe some dust came out. Goddamn.

Also I love how he closes with the peacock feather. So inconsequential.

Also, pulling the foreskin back over the glans to:

1) Pee
2) Have sex
2) Wash yourself

Is what you're supposed to do if you're uncircumcised. It's like on page two of the owner's manual, right after the bit that congratulates you on your purchase of the pen0r 5000.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I publicly confess that NotTheGuyYouKill and Ronito are some of my favorite Gaffers.

Yup.

Someone recognized me! This is a big deal. I like you, man. I like you.

I like this gif. (Castiel <3) Thanks, NTGYK.

I aim to please

32 times in a day?! Man that's not ejaculation at that point, it's more like penile dry heaving. Maybe some dust came out. Goddamn.

Also I love how he closes with the peacock feather. So inconsequential.

How much of a penis was left by the time he reached adulthood...? It must have been a shriveled nub. Ew.

It's amazing that him stealing the peacock feather seems to have the most effect on him.

 

[exYle]

Also, pulling the foreskin back over the glans to:

1) Pee
2) Have sex
2) Wash yourself

Is what you're supposed to do if you're uncircumcised. It's like on page two of the owner's manual, right after the bit that congratulates you on your purchase of the pen0r 5000.

Wait, what
Really?

 

[FO-totality]

Wait, what
Really?

Not all foreskins are created equal.

Some do, some don't.

 

[Broder Salsa]

Wait, what
Really?

Yes really.

 

[Kammie]

32 times in a day?! Man that's not ejaculation at that point, it's more like penile dry heaving. Maybe some dust came out. Goddamn.

Also I love how he closes with the peacock feather. So inconsequential.

I laughed outloud at that, lol.

The guy should have just bought a fleshlight. Doing it with meat... ugh.

 

[ronito]

I publicly confess that NotTheGuyYouKill and Ronito are some of my favorite Gaffers.

Yup.

 

[GrayFoxPL]

Oh wow! Didn't realize this thread existed.

No way I'm gonna confess the biggest secrets. I confessed once to my girlfriend, then she became my ex-girlfriend. Never again.

 

[FairyD]

What did you confess to your ex? The Fairy doesn't judge.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Oh wow! Didn't realize this thread existed.

No way I'm gonna confess the biggest secrets. I confessed once to my girlfriend, then she became my ex-girlfriend. Never again.

Now you have to tell us!

 

[ronito]

You know... Maybe you should do a 'good' confessions thread? To counter balance the awfulness? Since when posting what good stuff people have done could also be a complete lie because they want approval, then perhaps anonymous confessions of altruism and kindness would be better (and more honest). Not all humans are terrible or indifferent. But, who knows if you'd even get enough material or interest for it. The awful and shocking tends to garner more interest, unfortunately.

I've tried to do offshoots of these threads before and they just fall flat on their faces (like the anonymous corporate confessions thread).

But hey, if people want to send it happy confessions I'd be more than happy to post them.

Oh wow! Didn't realize this thread existed.

No way I'm gonna confess the biggest secrets. I confessed once to my girlfriend, then she became my ex-girlfriend. Never again.

You know it's called the anonymous confession thread for a reason right?

 

[AlexMogil]

Obvious troll, no one can be this fucking dense.

Spoiler

please god be a troll

I pulled something just as dumb when I was about 22, so no, it happens. Good god was I just... dumb.

 

[Llyranor]

What I want to know is what the last confessor did with the frozen meat afterwards.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

What I want to know is what the last confessor did with the frozen meat afterwards.

Well, what his family doesn't know can't hurt them...

I wonder if they'd question why it was so tender.

 

[GrayFoxPL]

You know it's called the anonymous confession thread for a reason right?

No one's anonymous in these times. No way I'm gonna risk everything.

 

[Llyranor]

Just do it! She dumped you, already! What's the worst that could happen?

 

[ronito]

No one's anonymous in these times. No way I'm gonna risk everything.

You do know how this works right?
You send an email through an anonymizer (or not, I haven't spilled anyone's secret yet, though some of you I know who you are) to gafconfess@gmail.com

Then no one can tie it to your Gaf account or anything.

Think of all the brave men and women that have gone before you for our entertainment! Are you a member of GAF or are you a member of GAF?!