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GAF, how do you explain the lack of courage at times and how do you fight it?

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K

Kenka

Member
Yo GAF,

I am growing sick with my inaptitude at dealing with girls/work/family, well basically everything. I do the opposite I wanna do because I lack courage. Does that happen to some other dudes/gals in here? I would be really, and I mean really, thankful if someone could tell me how you face courage. And all this "man, you have to man up, 'FHUTA', and such" doesn't work. You guessed it.

Go GAF, help a fellow. In return, I can at least try your remedies.
 
M

Menelaus

Banned
Try taking your balls out of your purse, I hear that works for some men.

Seriously, though, people don't sit around thinking about you as much as you might think, so decide what you want out of life and take it.
 
B

Brazil

Living in the shadow of Amaz
I just avoid thinking about it before I do something, and then, suddenly, I'm already doing it.
 
K

Kenka

Member
DAT girl. I like her and although I don't know how if it would last 0 seconds or an eternity, I really want to make sure she gets the message. The problem: I don't know how to approach her and how to max my chances. I give myself one week before my attempt. Can GAF help me in upping my game?
 
M

Menelaus

Banned
Kenka said:
DAT girl. I like her and although I don't know how if it would last 0 seconds or an eternity, I really want to make sure she gets the message. The problem: I don't know how to approach her and how to max my chances. I give myself one week before my attempt. Can GAF help me in upping my game?
Click to expand...

Stop trying to have a game. Stop trying to make the ONE time you talk to her the BEST it can be. Just talk to her. You're putting these "chances" on a pedestal, stop that.
 
J

jaxword

Member
Do what I do, just scream YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and lift up your chairs and you'll feel like a big man:

JcneU.jpg
 
B

braves01

Banned
Kenka said:
DAT girl. I like her and although I don't know how if it would last 0 seconds or an eternity, I really want to make sure she gets the message. The problem: I don't know how to approach her and how to max my chances. I give myself one week before my attempt. Can GAF help me in upping my game?
Click to expand...

What's your relationship to her? This will affect the approach you should take. If she's a classmate, start by asking her about work or other school stuff to build some rapport. From there, you can ask her out to something small like coffee and work up to a full blown dating relationship.
 
F

Fracas

#fuckonami
Whenever you have to be courageous, say "fuck it", shut your mind off, and do it.

Then later you can freak out about whatever happened.
 
S

Schadenfreude

Member
Courage doesn't mean being fearless. Courage means doing something despite being afraid. Or is that stupidity? I forget. Either way, know that no one on this Earth is completely devoid of fear. People just choose to act despite being afraid.
 
P

Protein

Banned
If you're having trouble talking to girls in fear of fucking up and having an awkward moment, then make more female friends. They don't have to be ridiculously attractive. Just get your feet wet so to speak. Go out and shoot the breeze with random people, make small talk. Hell, even go to a strip club with buddies and talk to strippers. Should help you ease out of your intimidation of talking to hot women.

How I help my shy buddies, I loosen them up with alcohol. Once they have enough confidence to talk to women while loosened up, then I ween them off the alcohol little by little until they don't need it anymore. Turns out they never needed it, they had it all along. They just have to discover the self-confidence within themselves.
 
K

Kenka

Member
braves01 said:
What's your relationship to her? This will affect the approach you should take. If she's a classmate, start by asking her about work or other school stuff to build some rapport. From there, you can ask her out to something small like coffee and work up to a full blown dating relationship.
Click to expand...
Well, I am friendzoned, but I have never shown her my true self. Hell, I never showed my true sel to myself either :-( I have been a total prick so far. Would it increase my chances if I first try something else with my newly found resolve, instead of literally attempt a disaster? I don't know how to talk to girls, I forgot that long ago, along with so much else. But I wanna try something, I have been frozen by fear for long.
Schadenfreude said:
Courage doesn't mean being fearless. Courage means doing something despite being afraid. Or is that stupidity? I forget. Either way, know that no one on this Earth is completely devoid of fear. People just choose to act despite being afraid.
Click to expand...
I am afraid, so much that I am being disgusted by the idea of talking to her. Now, I am not putting things on a pedestal, I don't even know how I would feel if her answer is positive/negative. I just want her to know. But I also want to get her.
 
D

Discotheque

Banned
If you're friendzoned here either continue this friendship and PURSUE SOMEONE ELSE. or man up and just spit it out.

Courage means being true to yourself. I probably heard that in a Disney movie or some shit.
 
SturokBGD

SturokBGD

Member
Some people are naturally introverted. Life gets much, much easier if you learn to understand and accept it. It has nothing to do with 'courage'.

Also, whiskey.
 
P

Protein

Banned
Just talk to this girl. Don't come off as too readily available though. Women absolutely adore confidence. Just play around with the idea of hanging out, "like hey, we should totally hang out some time," towards the ending of a conversation. Just to see how she responds. Just don't set an official date up yet.

Remember, rule #1. GIRLS ARE HUMAN BEINGS. Treat them as such and not like mythical creatures.
 
K

Kenka

Member
Hootie said:
read this
Click to expand...
OK... didn't read something in that vein in a long time anyway.
monsterfracas said:
Whenever you have to be courageous, say "fuck it", shut your mind off, and do it.

Then later you can freak out about whatever happened.
Click to expand...
That's a possibility, but I really want her. I would be ready to shout "I like you, be my gf!!" but somewhat, it wouldn't be effective since I am a friend, again. And not a prime one, to add to that.

Cubsfan23 said:
try no porn or masturbation
Click to expand...
Had a relapse. But I think that helps. Fuck porno.
 
I

I'm an expert

Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
To borrow another poster's advice from a similar thread yesterday - Some people aren't born to be brave. Some people are followers. Some people don't deserve the finer things in life if they don't want to work for it. If you want the money, go get it. If you want the girl, go get it. If not, accept that life isn't fair and enjoy it while you can.
 
T

Trick_GSF

Banned
Fortune favors the bold, He who dares wins, no guts no glory. As they say.

It really is a matter of just doing it. No matter what ''it" is. Even if it is going into a almost certainly uncomfortable situation. If you come out looking like a fool, so be it.

And to be honest, looking like a fool, that is the second part of it. Do not care what people think. At all, not one bit. Every failed encounter will make you more confident, "brave".

Dance, laugh, be stupid and merry. It endears people.

And soon enough people will be worrying about approaching you without making a fool of themselves.

Confidence is the key, and doing something cringe worthy whilst lacking confidence is the key to building yourself into someone who doesn't give a shit. Ironic and contradictory as it sounds, you've just got to clench your teeth and go for it.
 
B

braves01

Banned
Kenka said:
Well, I am friendzoned, but I have never shown her my true self. Hell, I never showed my true sel to myself either :-( I have been a total prick so far. Would it increase my chances if I first try something else with my newly found resolve, instead of literally attempt a disaster? I don't know how to talk to girls, I forgot that long ago, along with so much else. But I wanna try something, I have been frozen by fear for long.
Click to expand...

Ok, from the OP I couldn't tell if you knew her or if she was essentially a stranger. I don't know why you think you can't talk to girls if you're already friends with one. Before you press the issue though, I think it also matters how close you are with her. Have you been friends for years, or just a few months? Do you hang out with her by yourself or only when other friends are there too?
 
V

vitaminwateryum

corporate swill
Kenka said:
Yo GAF,

I am growing sick with my inaptitude at dealing with girls/work/family, well basically everything. I do the opposite I wanna do because I lack courage. Does that happen to some other dudes/gals in here? I would be really, and I mean really, thankful if someone could tell me how you face courage. And all this "man, you have to man up, 'FHUTA', and such" doesn't work. You guessed it.

Go GAF, help a fellow. In return, I can at least try your remedies.
Click to expand...

Realize that whatever you're about to do you may look like an idiot, but then do it anyway.

Kenka said:
That's a possibility, but I really want her. I would be ready to shout "I like you, be my gf!!" but somewhat, it would be really weird since I am a friend, again. And not a prime one, to add to that.
Click to expand...

Go ahead and stop right here. You're already in the wrong mind set. She's no different than anyone else, and treating her seem like she's some unattainable object definitely won't improve your odds. Also, if you really want her, then why don't you just ask her out?

Step one) Talk to her.
Step two) Ask her out.
Step three) Realize that you were able to talk to a girl and be happy.

Now, you may be saying, "BUT I'M TOO SCARED TO TALK TO HER!". Doesn't matter. Just fuckin' do it.
 
A

Acageron

Member
Life is short, amigo. Either get with it or fall back in the crowd. That said, be wild man. If you loose this one, there are tons others. Just know that time is running out.


Trick_GSF said:
Fortune favors the bold, He who dears wins, no guts no glory. As they say.

It really is a matter of just doing it. No matter what ''it" is. Even if it is going into a almost certainly uncomfortable situation. If you come out looking like a fool, so be it. And to be honest, that is the second part of it. Do not care what people think. At all, not one bit. Every failed encounter will make you more confident, "brave".

Dance, laugh, be stupid and merry. It endears people...

And soon enough people will be worrying about approaching you without making a fool of themselves.

Confidence is the key, and doing something cringe worthy whilst lacking confidence is the key to building yourself into someone who doesn't give a shit. Ironic and contradictory as it sounds, you've just got to clench your teeth and go for it.
Click to expand...


I like this post.
 
A

Angry Grimace

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "does something taste funny to you?"
Lacking courage in those kind of matters comes from a fear of rejection in my experience.

Walk down to your local bar and get rejected from people you don't care about a few times, it'll become old hat.
 
EviLore

EviLore

Expansive Ellipses
Staff Member
Just put yourself out there and be willing to fail. Failing at a social encounter is basically the least meaningful and impactful thing that can possibly happen to you. After all, there are 7 billion people on this planet, endlessly refreshing. You'll never run out of opportunities.

For this particular girl, you have to be willing to fail. Friend zoning when you don't want to be friend zoned happens entirely when you're just not willing to take the chance, make the attempt, and accept the outcome. But you don't get anything you want out of not taking the chance, and making the leap and failing just means you have closure and can move on.

That leap ceases requiring so much courage when you realize that whatever the result is is the best possible outcome for you compared to what you're doing now, on the sidelines, lamenting your lack of action.

Train yourself.

Put yourself into these circumstances every day with different people. Meet people and put yourself out there while you're doing other things: martial arts, dance classes, music lessons, rock climbing, partying, studying, whatever it is. Gain fulfillment from those things, and treat social development and the attempt at meeting women and making friends as a side effect of your personal advancement. If you fail to make a friend or get a girl's number on one particular day, so what? You failed on one front, got stronger, and succeeded and furthered yourself in another front, and you have the entire world at your fingertips, becoming a better person every day, more valuable and desirable, until the concept of someone rejecting you is as absurd as you being afraid of asking a girl out.
 
K

Kenka

Member
Guys, fuck you. I mean, I love you.

So many easy things that you never open your eyes on 'cause of your culture, religion or such. Who ever told me this -->

Some people are naturally introverted. Life gets much, much easier if you learn to understand and accept it. It has nothing to do with 'courage'.

Also, whiskey.
Click to expand...
Ultimately true or not, I don't care, you deserve a medal for trying to put my spirit at ease in those moments. Thanks buddy.
 
K

Kenka

Member
Angry Grimace said:
Lacking courage in those kind of matters comes from a fear of rejection in my experience.

Walk down to your local bar and get rejected from people you don't care about a few times, it'll become old hat.
Click to expand...
Puts me right at my place: someone who hasn't been willing to take risks. Somehow, I feel like having made the first step by showed my true colors on GAF. But that doesn't count/doesn't require courage 'cause you guys are pathetic asocial assholes anyway ;-) No, I don't mean the last sentence, I can confess because you have proved to be a caring and sympathetic group, gaffers. I respect many many many of you for expressing yourself honestly everyday. That's, I guess, why I keep coming back. And I think, it's totally healthy and sane to keep reading you.

EviLore said:
But you don't get anything you want out of not taking the chance, and making the leap and failing just means you have closure and can move on.

That leap ceases requiring so much courage when you realize that whatever the result is is the best possible outcome for you compared to what you're doing now, on the sidelines, lamenting your lack of action.

Train yourself. [...] treat social development and the attempt at meeting women and making friends as a side effect of your personal advancement. If you fail to make a friend or get a girl's number on one particular day, so what? You failed on one front, got stronger, and succeeded and furthered yourself in another front
Click to expand...
Word, mate.
 
C

Canis lupus

Member
Do things or go to places where you can socialize with people. Listen to inspirational songs, or watch manly movies. I know it worked for me when I watch Sopranos. I suddenly felt like a boss.
 
B

braves01

Banned
TurkishEmperor said:
Do things or go to places where you can socialize with people. Listen to inspirational songs, or watch manly movies. I know it worked for me when I watch Sopranos. I suddenly felt like a boss.
Click to expand...

The intro sequence alone makes me feel like such a boss just watching it.
 
K

Kenka

Member
Any plan of action? I just have this fuzzy feeling you normally get when you are 6 or so. I am bewitched, as if I liked everything about her. I will eventually find out what she thinks of me but is there any general rule to follow before hitting seriously on a girl when you feel like she can be a potential long-term partner?

Holy shit, what am I writing.

cityhunter9.jpg


Bulbo Urethral Baggins said:
In short:
Sometimes you gotta say "what the fuck". Make your move.
Click to expand...
I could, I am simply looking for alternatives. Nothing to do with a lack of courage this time :eek:
 
C

Cubsfan23

Banned
Kenka said:
Facebook/call/message? it's midnight here :x


I'll wait for tomorrow. No, I am not being a sissy.
Click to expand...

why not just transform yourself into a guy that has women falling over you, instead of you being the one doing all the work?


being infacuated with a girl you barely know (or not in a relationship with) is a recipe for disaster
 
B

Bulbo Urethral Baggins

Banned
Kenka said:
Any plan of action? I just have this fuzzy feeling you normally get when you are 6 or so. I am bewitched, as if I liked everything about her. I will eventually find out what she thinks of me but is there any general rule to follow before hitting seriously on a girl when you feel like she can be a potential long-term partner?

Holy shit, what am I writing.

cityhunter9.jpg



I could, I am simply looking for alternatives. Nothing to do with a lack of courage this time :eek:
Click to expand...
Most of all, be genuine. You are who you are and let that shine. People appreciate that more than you realize. Nobody likes a phony.
Also, don't force things or make things awkward. She'll know if you like her. It sounds like you see her a lot. Let her get to know you first and then things will happen and you'll know what to do.
One last thing. If she has a bf. Knock his ass out.
 
K

koryuken

Member
Kenka said:
Yo GAF,

I am growing sick with my inaptitude at dealing with girls/work/family, well basically everything. I do the opposite I wanna do because I lack courage. Does that happen to some other dudes/gals in here? I would be really, and I mean really, thankful if someone could tell me how you face courage. And all this "man, you have to man up, 'FHUTA', and such" doesn't work. You guessed it.

Go GAF, help a fellow. In return, I can at least try your remedies.
Click to expand...

Man up and stop being a pussy?

Courage does not mean that you suddenly stop feeling anxious/scared, it means you fight through it. As you do it more and more, it gets easier and easier. Have mental pep-talks with yourself if needed.
 
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