DUFFMCWALIN
Member
Lets go OP call her at a decent time. We are behind you the whole way.
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GAF, how do you explain the lack of courage at times and how do you fight it?
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You can do it, OP! If you haven't already. Keep us updated, if you would. And if you get any doubts, know that you have GAF at your back. What more could you ask for, right?
To answer your question:
I look at everything as a challenge to myself. I don't like being defeated, and while I like to think I'm pretty modest I absolutely hate losing. Once I started looking at everything as a challenge, I started to pursue these things with confidence and stride.
Like a girl? Ask her out, because why the fuck not right? Regardless of her answer, you'll feel better about yourself. Because you tried, and you did what you could. And honestly what's the worst that could happen? She says no, and you move on to the next. Weigh that against the possibility of her saying "yes" and you have literally nothing to lose.
Figure out what you want, and get it. Be the best you that you can be, for you. You have all the confidence you need inside you man, just let it shine through and enjoy your life.
To answer your question:
I look at everything as a challenge to myself. I don't like being defeated, and while I like to think I'm pretty modest I absolutely hate losing. Once I started looking at everything as a challenge, I started to pursue these things with confidence and stride.
Like a girl? Ask her out, because why the fuck not right? Regardless of her answer, you'll feel better about yourself. Because you tried, and you did what you could. And honestly what's the worst that could happen? She says no, and you move on to the next. Weigh that against the possibility of her saying "yes" and you have literally nothing to lose.
Figure out what you want, and get it. Be the best you that you can be, for you. You have all the confidence you need inside you man, just let it shine through and enjoy your life.
The main thing that lets me do things I feel hesitant to do is the concept of time. There's never enough of it, and I can't waste it because I'm only given a short amount of it, then bam, I'm dead.
That's right GAF, I love you all so much that I spend a lot of my oh so precious time here.
That's right GAF, I love you all so much that I spend a lot of my oh so precious time here.
FreeMufasa
Junior Member
Just say anything to her and make it look natural. Just whatever happens, don't mumble/nervous/twitch or that kind of shit.
white dynamite
Member
Just say something within context of the situation. Don't be pushy or needy; talk to her and get to know her. And if it doesn't work, then it doesn't work out.
D
Deleted member 1235
Unconfirmed Member
courage isn't a thing you face. It's something you use to face things you like.
all this talk of 'man up' IS courage. You have to do that. courage is not an easy thing, the easy thing is cowardice.
If you don't do it, you'll end up miserable. you have to bite the bullet, there is no easy way.
You might find having a role model will help? Read stories of successful people you admire. PRetty much in all those stories they'll admit to being scared/petrified and pushed through to success.
nhlducks35
Member
Just remember
YOLO
YOLO
oxrock
Gravity is a myth, the Earth SUCKS!
It's truly amazing what having the courage to be honest can do for you. Let her know that although you enjoy being her friend that you'd like to try for something more special. Find a way to spend more time with her and let her get to know you. Hell, let you get to know her. How do you know she's worth your time otherwise, I mean she can be a real failure in the sack and you're over there being all scared for nothing. It takes a few seconds of extraordinary courage to just open your mouth and speak your mind, win or lose you'll be better for it. It gets easier with repetition.
Monocle
Member
There's this huge misconception that courageous people don't get scared or anxious or insecure. It's simply not true. Courage isn't the absence of those things, it's acting in spite of them.
Experience can make what frightens you feel less daunting, but there's no guarantee you'll be able to eliminate that anxiety completely. Ultimately, it doesn't matter. You just have to force yourself to push through the resistance no matter what.
You can take a useful lesson from public speakers. Internal turmoil is rarely visible to other people. Even if you feel like your knees are knocking together, your vision is blurring, and your words are turning to mush in your mouth, chances are good that most people won't notice anything's wrong. That's because most of us are so much more keenly aware of ourselves. We tend to get absorbed in our own thoughts and miss the subtle cues that tell us what other people are thinking. This is what people mean when they say it's rare to find a good listener.
So basically, when you feel like you can't do something because you don't have the courage, fake it 'til you make it. For more on this and related ideas, check out this TED Talks presentation on body language. In it you'll find some really useful practical advice for projecting confidence with your body language, as well as a very brief exercise that can dramatically reduce performance anxiety in almost any social situation. I strongly recommend it.
Experience can make what frightens you feel less daunting, but there's no guarantee you'll be able to eliminate that anxiety completely. Ultimately, it doesn't matter. You just have to force yourself to push through the resistance no matter what.
You can take a useful lesson from public speakers. Internal turmoil is rarely visible to other people. Even if you feel like your knees are knocking together, your vision is blurring, and your words are turning to mush in your mouth, chances are good that most people won't notice anything's wrong. That's because most of us are so much more keenly aware of ourselves. We tend to get absorbed in our own thoughts and miss the subtle cues that tell us what other people are thinking. This is what people mean when they say it's rare to find a good listener.
So basically, when you feel like you can't do something because you don't have the courage, fake it 'til you make it. For more on this and related ideas, check out this TED Talks presentation on body language. In it you'll find some really useful practical advice for projecting confidence with your body language, as well as a very brief exercise that can dramatically reduce performance anxiety in almost any social situation. I strongly recommend it.
Horseticuffs
Full werewolf off the buckle
I'm only 33, but I'm learning that in the long-term cowardice is the truly difficult decision. Being able to look at your ugly, fucked up mug in the mirror and respect what you see is the easy route.
"Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste of death but once." - Kurt Cobain in his tragedy "Julius Caesar", 1599.
"Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste of death but once." - Kurt Cobain in his tragedy "Julius Caesar", 1599.
here is your answer (extract as it applies 
)
skip to 49 second mark
also some good advice above here
)skip to 49 second mark
also some good advice above here
PinkCrayon
Member
You, my friend, need a good role model
Link has the triforce of courage and he still can't talk to girls.
Love it.
there it is
Karsticles
Member
When people use the word "courage", they generally mean of the Aristotelian kind.
On that note, read Nichomachean Ethics, TC.
Few things you can do.
With women, I've always remembered something my dad told me when I was younger. He said, "The fear is half the fun," and this has held true. Whether it's a fear of rejection or failure, just going and doing it is a reminder of what it feels like to be alive. Nothing (or very little) is more expensive than regret. Just remember that rejection doesn't have to say anything about you personally. If you fall on your face, laugh it up and try with someone else. Plenty of fish out in the sea.
With work, I'd say if you're single and not supporting anyone other than yourself - then you can probably afford to take risks. The topic is too broad to really give you any advice other than you shouldn't feel like you're stuck in a job. If you don't like something or don't feel right then move on (preferably after you've saved some cash.) It's only work. If you do take risks, make sure they're the right ones and try to leave on a good note. Burning your bridges in the movies looks fun and all, but if you stay in the same industry - chances are you'll be working with some of the same people again so try to stay professional. I mean, damn, what's the worst that can happen - you get fired? Of course, all this changes when you have a family to support.
With family, the only advice I can give is to do what think is right, but if possible, try to keep channels of communication open with your family at all times. Most of the time, if you're honest and communicative, your family will support you because they love you and they want to see you happy.
I guess it all ties in to self-esteem. Failure is the first step to succeeding. If you're not failing, then you're not learning/succeeding/growing/living whatever. You just have to believe that if you do fail, it doesn't make you any less of a person. Just learn from it and try again. I guarantee that if you don't try something out of fear, you will probably learn to regret it eventually.
With women, I've always remembered something my dad told me when I was younger. He said, "The fear is half the fun," and this has held true. Whether it's a fear of rejection or failure, just going and doing it is a reminder of what it feels like to be alive. Nothing (or very little) is more expensive than regret. Just remember that rejection doesn't have to say anything about you personally. If you fall on your face, laugh it up and try with someone else. Plenty of fish out in the sea.
With work, I'd say if you're single and not supporting anyone other than yourself - then you can probably afford to take risks. The topic is too broad to really give you any advice other than you shouldn't feel like you're stuck in a job. If you don't like something or don't feel right then move on (preferably after you've saved some cash.) It's only work. If you do take risks, make sure they're the right ones and try to leave on a good note. Burning your bridges in the movies looks fun and all, but if you stay in the same industry - chances are you'll be working with some of the same people again so try to stay professional. I mean, damn, what's the worst that can happen - you get fired? Of course, all this changes when you have a family to support.
With family, the only advice I can give is to do what think is right, but if possible, try to keep channels of communication open with your family at all times. Most of the time, if you're honest and communicative, your family will support you because they love you and they want to see you happy.
I guess it all ties in to self-esteem. Failure is the first step to succeeding. If you're not failing, then you're not learning/succeeding/growing/living whatever. You just have to believe that if you do fail, it doesn't make you any less of a person. Just learn from it and try again. I guarantee that if you don't try something out of fear, you will probably learn to regret it eventually.
You guys kept me busy reading your insightful posts ! :-D
Drama-GAF be damned, I called her. No answer. I messaged her and no answer either.
Well, "feels good man" nonetheless. That girl was not receptive? No worries, there are many out there, many that I can now approach and treat absolutely normally. This experiment helped me realize that I haven't been a reliable person to talk to, for a girl, because I was a creep. I mean by that, a dysfunctional man who apparently hesitates in how he should behave, which in turn betrays my lack of confidence. This eventually lead to lack of trust and a moment of awkwardness. Girls I dig are not very fond of it, it's a sad fact.
Now don't worry, I won't turn into a womanizer for the sake of practicing what I learnt today. I still think that one woman is the way to go but from now on, I'll be myself when looking for her. I'll be able to enjoy myself while being close to her and will be more appealing in return.
You know GAF, I really think deep within me that I am not that much of a bad dude. I have been able to keep my promises in the past, I have always remained faithful to my principles and I try my best in understanding this world more every day so I can actively change it for the good, hopefully. I am saying that because there is so much more about me than a cute smile, goofy glasses and a pretty hairy face. So when the moment will come, I will not underestimate myself.
Thank you guys! You're the best.
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But I have had since then problems dealing with trust and love in general. I also started acting like an asshole around that time too. Other factors added in. I grew resentful, remained so for years, grew sick of it. Now, it's a bit difficult to deal with people again but I am ready to take all steps.
I could have quoted all the posts in this page, I loev you motherfuckers :-'( Time to shed a tear.
And obligatory:
Drama-GAF be damned, I called her. No answer. I messaged her and no answer either.
Well, "feels good man" nonetheless. That girl was not receptive? No worries, there are many out there, many that I can now approach and treat absolutely normally. This experiment helped me realize that I haven't been a reliable person to talk to, for a girl, because I was a creep. I mean by that, a dysfunctional man who apparently hesitates in how he should behave, which in turn betrays my lack of confidence. This eventually lead to lack of trust and a moment of awkwardness. Girls I dig are not very fond of it, it's a sad fact.
Now don't worry, I won't turn into a womanizer for the sake of practicing what I learnt today. I still think that one woman is the way to go but from now on, I'll be myself when looking for her. I'll be able to enjoy myself while being close to her and will be more appealing in return.
You know GAF, I really think deep within me that I am not that much of a bad dude. I have been able to keep my promises in the past, I have always remained faithful to my principles and I try my best in understanding this world more every day so I can actively change it for the good, hopefully. I am saying that because there is so much more about me than a cute smile, goofy glasses and a pretty hairy face. So when the moment will come, I will not underestimate myself.
Thank you guys! You're the best.
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Man, this is hard when you are paralyzed by the possible outcome, but when you finally do it and that you realize that your lungs are fully functional again, and how sweet it actually is to feel freed, you realize how much of a relief it is to let go.
The price is too high. To me at least, and that's all that matters.
That's a pretty extreme example of how you can deal with life. Just assume you're dead? I wouldn't bore that idea in my brain before going for a girl.Klocker said:here is your answer (extract as it applies
skip to 49 second mark
also some good advice above here
That guy knows what he is talking about. I really felt like he was talking to me. Not too abstract, not too obvious. Perfect.bjork said:
Things that actually talked to me. Arguably, you wrote a very good post that many of us should/could have a look at and feel enlightened. Personally, I never saw dating as "fun", I never felt it was as good as how I used to feel when I was a kid and used to lust after women. The lust itself had kind disappeared and I don't know if it was me repelling it during my early teenage religious days (although Muslim, I grew up in a very strict lutherian neighbouring) that is the source of my lack of horniness or if I tried to simply erase the idea of being with a woman. I have been shut by a large part of my entourage when my younger sister was born (she has Down Syndrom) and I was plainly asked to choose between them and her. Obviously I chose my sister.KuroNeeko said:
But I have had since then problems dealing with trust and love in general. I also started acting like an asshole around that time too. Other factors added in. I grew resentful, remained so for years, grew sick of it. Now, it's a bit difficult to deal with people again but I am ready to take all steps.
Man, I don't think you realize how close this line brought me to tearsDUFFMCWALIN said:
Thanks matebraves01 said:
I could have quoted all the posts in this page, I loev you motherfuckers :-'( Time to shed a tear.
And obligatory:
oxrock
Gravity is a myth, the Earth SUCKS!
Calling her on the phone is a step in the right direction I guess, even better would be talking to her in person. I really hope you didn't just leave a message oozing with your love for her, prolly turn out badly. Try to arrange a "coincidental" meeting and hang out. Make sure it goes well so you can end it by asking for a date.
Thunder Monkey
Banned
Getting into a bar fight always perks me up.
yes extreme but as I said, extract form there. IOW, in anything you do, approach it as if there is nothing you are trying to protect. In that example it was your life, in your case it is your dignity, your shame, your feelings, your fear of rejection, your perception of how others perceive you, etc.
Just assume that all of those things already have happened that you accept all of those fears as they are. You accept it has already happened and yet you are still whole, so moving forward is easy because there can be no failure that can hurt you if you are already accepting the worst case scenario.
I can work on this as well, but I think you need to accept failure as a potential result for things. Yeah, you can get rejected, or have people not like you at work, or piss off your family, but at least you'd be giving life a go instead of being too afraid to change anything.
I'm not one to really live by quotes or sentiments but I have always liked this one attributed to Teddy Roosevelt. Dude was a badass.
I'm not one to really live by quotes or sentiments but I have always liked this one attributed to Teddy Roosevelt. Dude was a badass.
Horseticuffs
Full werewolf off the buckle
I personally think having lots of courage goes hand-in-hand with having some stupidity.
I get mine from having served in the armed forces and most of it comes from having the ability to jump into a situation with no regard for myself.
We should all have some self-preservation but I think that mine has gone a little bit awry.
I get mine from having served in the armed forces and most of it comes from having the ability to jump into a situation with no regard for myself.
We should all have some self-preservation but I think that mine has gone a little bit awry.
Horseticuffs
Full werewolf off the buckle
I think you make a good point. I know some people who have such a strong sense of self-preservation it becomes delusional, to the point where they won't take reasonable everyday risks. It can be like a mental illness.
Sometimes you have to step back and ask yourself if the life you are so cautiously protecting is really worth defending if you are just going to live scared all the time.
Mammoth Jones
Member
Beaten. But glad we're on the same page, lol.
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