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[Choomp]

NeoGAF, listen, you guys are fun. I don't know if this is thread worthy or if this just qualifies more as rambling/venting, but I kinda wanted to write this all somewhere. If it's not ok just have it locked, I'm sure there's another place on the Internet for this. I don't even know what I'm looking for exactly in terms of a response here, I guess if you have advice that you think makes sense, go aheadd...?

I'm in high school right now, last year. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know who I want to be of what I want to do with my life, but more importantly, I don't know how to be happy at the moment, I've been happy mostly through high school being caught up in video games and games media, but I don't know if I've gotten bored of that or just the decreasing lack of free time has really prevented me from taking part of any of that, it's just not as fulfilling any more.

I don't know if I want to take part of this whole high school life or not. A lot of my lifelong friends have started doing things that seemed to have gotten them close to getting trouble with the police in some cases, I'd really rather not get involved with that. Which is a shame, because I don't want to end this school life as I know it not spending time with anyone, more importantly some people I used to be good friends with that I've grown a distant from.

I'm so socially terrible I hate myself for it. I don't know why I get so awkward, it's like a subconscious thing, when I'm around people I'm comfortable with I can make pretty good conversation and often make them laugh, I don't know what's wrong with me, I think I overthink it, I dont like to initiate with people I'm not familiar with, and I hate myself for it. I really hate trying to read people and not coming off as too weird. There are people I'd really like to get to know but I don't know how to initiate with them without being awkward. Some people seem to like me too, I just don't know where I'd be getting weird with people sometimes. There's also this cute girl that's always really nice to me, I don't know what to make of it a lot of the time and I can't tell if she's just overly nice/social or she likes me.

I don't know what to do, in order to be happier right now. I don't want the last year of high school to pass me by without me really doing anything new/different or leaving my comfort zone in any way. I don't even know if it's worth it, there are instances where it seemed like it wasn't. I pretty much stopped getting invited to stuff, probably because I always used to turn people down when I spent like all my time playing video games. But now I want to get involved in all that before it's too late. I just don't know how do any of that, or if I'll even enjoy it and if it's even worth it in my case. I'm not like completely and always alone, I have a group of friends I spend time with, I just don't feel very fulfilled and I feel like I'm missing out on a lot.

I don't know GAF, I don't know if this is even worth a thread. Please feel free to make fun of me or whatever, I guess I know what to expect after a fair amount of time on GAF. I should probably just say fuck it and put myself out there but like, arghhhh why do I drive myself crazy with this. I don't know how I'm depressed and not ecstatic with the Mets in the World Series, especially.

 

[Seesaw15]

I'm sure you just didn't mention it but you're applying/have applied to college right OP?

 

[hydrophilic attack]

Your thoughts sound like mine when I was your age.

What finally helped me snap out of it, was to always take opportunities to socialize when they were given. If some friends are throwing a party, go there. If some friends are going to a concert, go with them. Never choose to stay home and play videogames over socializing. Through practice, you will develop better social skills. I wish someone had told me this stuff earlier

e: I now see that you used the word depression. If you are actually suffering from clinical depression, that's very hard to sort out on your own, and you should go to a professional to get help.

 

[Tesseract]

diploma is useless anymore, ged then straight to community is what i'd do. ymmv obviously, hs scholarships are nice.

 

[Fj0823]

Its high school who sucks.

You just need to outsuck it.

 

[Gordon Shumway]

diploma is useless anymore, ged then straight to community is what i'd do. ymmv obviously, hs scholarships are nice.

Hey. I know cats on K st who made it just like this. YMMV indeed..

 

[Alphahawk]

I don't know GAF, I don't know if this is even worth a thread. Please feel free to make fun of me or whatever, I guess I know what to expect after a fair amount of time on GAF. I should probably just say fuck it and put myself out there but like, arghhhh why do I drive myself crazy with this. I don't know how I'm depressed and not ecstatic with the Mets in the World Series, especially.

This passage right here is what you need to stop. When you talk bad about yourself, even in a joking way, you are conditioning your brain to believe it. It is worth a thread, we've all been there and no one should be making fun of you for it.

 

[bluesun.exe]

Well it's your last year it can't hurt taking to new people when you have the chance to do so. It's only October maybe look into sports or a club if you want to meet new people.

 

[Monocle]

You're definitely not alone in this. Take any social opportunities that you're presented with. It's OK to worry about it, but worry about it and go. Don't stay home. The hardest part is often just getting yourself out the door.

Try to start a conversation once a day. And when you get worried about weirding people out, keep in mind that they're thinking about you much much less than they're thinking about themselves and what's going on in their own lives.

Are there any clubs your school offers that appeal you? If not, consider something outside of school, like a group from Meetup.com. Clubs are nice because you know everyone is there for the same reason you are, to socialize.

If you're pretty sure you're depressed, definitely talk to a professional. It's hard to fight that by yourself.

 

[Rival]

High school and what you do and accomplish while in high school is such a tiny drop in the bucket of your life that you shouldn't sweat it. Almost no one your age knows what they want to do with life. And I bet you haven't even met most of the people that will become your lifelong friends. Just be yourself and you'll break out of your shell soon. And have fun!

 

[Big Dog]

My comparison here would be that I ended up distancing myself from most all of my friends after high school. Don't think your current friends can be your only friends forever. Sure I was bummed to see my high school friends get into new things ( like partying and smoking) that I wasn't comfortable with, so I went out and made some new friends. I bet I could count my regular friends on just two hands. Don't feel like you need a lot of friends OP, just surround yourself with people who you like to be with.

Don't make yourself miserable with holding onto dying friendships. Just know that you are the one moving forward in life positively and that there are always potential new friends to meet that you will enjoy just the same or more than the last. And don't look to replace friends, all people are different and no two friend relationships will go the same.

 

[Moonkid]

I'm also in my final year of High School and this year was pretty average for me to be honest. There were some great times, going to Germany with my school choir for one, but as the year went on I slowly realised I was over the whole high school business. If last year was the climax, this year was my denouement and at many times I've felt exactly the way you do now - I still sometimes do for that matter. I'll try and share what has worked for me.

First of all it sounds like you've put a lot of thought into your predicament and that you're very concerned with making the most out of what you have left and being the most sociable version of you that you can be. Don't feel pressured to do that OP, and don't be too hard on yourself either. It's okay to be awkward, and you really don't have to be all that outgoing either. Be at peace with who you are and take baby steps in putting yourself out there. Eventually, you'll start to notice that you are more confident and outgoing which is great but that should be a means of being happy. Remember to love yourself OP and that it's okay to feel how you do, just don't stress over it.

I've found that looking back on times I wished I made more of the situation, that it doesn't really matter all that much. Don't beat yourself up if you don't hit every social mark you aim for, even the most charming person isn't talking with someone all the time at a party or whatever. Try and avoid fantasising about what could be if you do, and put those thoughts into better use by either doing something to achieve that ideal or thinking about something else. What I tend to do is think about what I could have done, could have said, and what could have happened but that's of no consequence whatsoever. Just do better next time or try a different approach. Another important thing is to not feel pressured about feeling happy OP, it's counter intuitive to achieving your inner peace.

 

[nel e nel]

I only just figured out what I really want to do, career-wise, this year. I'm 42 years old.

 

[Pappasman]

It may not seem like it, but high school is an extremely small part of your life. You have so many opportunities ahead of you and you are still growing up.

Never count yourself out.

 

[jtb]

high school sucks, don't sweat it

are you applying to college?

 

[Hero Prinny]

I'm so socially terrible I hate myself for it. I don't know why I get so awkward, it's like a subconscious thing, when I'm around people I'm comfortable with I can make pretty good conversation and often make them laugh, I don't know what's wrong with me, I think I overthink it, I dont like to initiate with people I'm not familiar with, and I hate myself for it. I really hate trying to read people and not coming off as too weird. There are people I'd really like to get to know but I don't know how to initiate with them without being awkward. Some people seem to like me too, I just don't know where I'd be getting weird with people sometimes. There's also this cute girl that's always really nice to me, I don't know what to make of it a lot of the time and I can't tell if she's just overly nice/social or she likes me.

This is what you're going to do. Everyday starting tomorrow I want you to go out and talk to at least 5 woman a day. They don't have to be girls you're attracted to and you don't even have to flirt with them. Simply start a conversation, it could be as simple as "wow i like your shoes." It'll be difficult for you at first but after a week that anxiety will be gone. In 1 week you'll have talked to at least 35 girls, you might even get lucky and get some numbers. Eventually you'll not only be able to talk to girls as if it was nothing, but that fear of talking to people will be gone.


don't give no fucking excuses, do it. Report back to me in a week and tell me how it went

 

[John Kowalski]

life isn't about being happy, it's about all kinds of other things

 

[Mailbox]

Okay OP, I've been there.

The best thing you can do is to just pick something (I recommend collage or university so you have more time and resources to do what you eventually want to do), and not let your mind wonder.

Your panicking and worrying and that builds and builds and freaks you out and depresses you. When you do your schoolwork, focus solely on the schoolwork. When you have downtime, focus on downtime. (You can thank npr's Ted hour for that bit of advice).

The last year of high school is damn stressful. You may think you should be having it all together because you are close to adulthood, but trust me you won't. Not for a while.

Happiness isn't really something tangible or something that comes to you. You make happiness, and as such, you need to know and figure out what you enjoy, what you have stopped enjoying, and what you might be able to enjoy. People change, and at your age, change is gonna be extra rapid and it's gonna feel super weird and depressing (like you don't know how to handle it.)

I stopped gaming much because I lost my enjoyment of it. I instead focus on university work and drawing. I also found a liking to anime and even started to talk to gaffers. I started cooking a little and have had friends abandon me or become hateful of me.

Things change, and the best thing you can do is keep concentrated on what you are currently doing, and find out what, if anything, you do enjoy.

You will be fine OP.
I'm not kidding, you will be fine.

 

[Hip Hop]

Its high school who sucks.

You just need to outsuck it.

high school sucks, don't sweat it

are you applying to college?

Nah, it really doesn't. you get what you put in, I loved it.

OP, it seems like you are trying at least. I suggest you keep doing that. Try to make it work.

 

[George Oscar Bluth II]

I think you're over thinking HS too much. I had a few worries like yourself in my final year of secondary education, but I knew that I'll be moving on not too far from then. I just did my work, talked to whoever I felt like and then went home to chill. I got good grades and looked forward to meeting new people, having new experiences and was happy at finally getting the fuck away from school.

It's like a tiny blip in your life, you don't need to worry about it so much. Just do what you're doing and worry think about what you plan to do after you graduate.

 

[grumble]

Look up maslow's pyramid of needs. I'd say that you aren't getting the social component (video games are being used as a quick high but it is empty and depressing and lonely) nor are you getting the self actualization.

Social skills are learned through experience. You won't see most of these people again, use them as practice. Cut down on the video games and Internet and tv, it's a waste of time and shouldn't be a main focus in your life. Excel in school but do something outside of school that gives you a sense of accomplishment. Sports are a good choice - join cross country or something. That also gets you talking to people. Your life is just beginning, but it's far too short to waste. Fill it with great experiences and work hard.

 

[BUNTING1243]

high school is a nightmare.

things get way better in college.

 

[Dai101]

What's high school?

Oh yeah, never went to one.

 

[Sub_Level]

High school is not even life. Its so far removed from what comes after, whether it be bad or good, that its just a random chapter in your life with no real importance. Just play videogames, eat pizza, don't get fat, and try to get good grades. And if you do get fat thats ok you can deal with that if you want to or not.

My college sucked (sucks) too but it was completely different from high school. Try to get into a good college or at least a fun one. Don't go to a commuter college unless your plan is to go to community college first and then transfer, which is smart.

edit: oh and play old videogames because the new ones suck even if you don't realize it yet

 

[MultiJhonny]

Eh don't worry too much about it OP we all go through it in High school. In college you have plenty of time to reinvent yourself and find new friends. I know you say you don't do new things or talk to new people but you will have to in college and I think it will really help you out!

I seriously only keep in touch with a couple high school friends and that is because I have been friends with them since I was like 5 and we went to the same high school. Other than that all of my friends are from work or college. Life moves on. It kinda sucks but you get over it.

Just keep your head up and know that you are not alone and that you are not the first or last to go through this.

 

[Jaffaboy]

Your thoughts sound like mine when I was your age.

What finally helped me snap out of it, was to always take opportunities to socialize when they were given. If some friends are throwing a party, go there. If some friends are going to a concert, go with them. Never choose to stay home and play videogames over socializing. Through practice, you will develop better social skills. I wish someone had told me this stuff earlier

e: I now see that you used the word depression. If you are actually suffering from clinical depression, that's very hard to sort out on your own, and you should go to a professional to get help.

All of this.

High school isn't gonna mean shit to you in a few years anyway. Anyone who says otherwise is doing it wrong, you'll be able to do anything you want, and truly grow into the person you want to be.

 

[Choomp]

I'm also in my final year of High School and this year was pretty average for me to be honest. There were some great times, going to Germany with my school choir for one, but as the year went on I slowly realised I was over the whole high school business. If last year was the climax, this year was my denouement and at many times I've felt exactly the way you do now - I still sometimes do for that matter. I'll try and share what has worked for me.

First of all it sounds like you've put a lot of thought into your predicament and that you're very concerned with making the most out of what you have left and being the most sociable version of you that you can be. Don't feel pressured to do that OP, and don't be too hard on yourself either. It's okay to be awkward, and you really don't have to be all that outgoing either. Be at peace with who you are and take baby steps in putting yourself out there. Eventually, you'll start to notice that you are more confident and outgoing which is great but that should be a means of being happy. Remember to love yourself OP and that it's okay to feel how you do, just don't stress over it.

I've found that looking back on times I wished I made more of the situation, that it doesn't really matter all that much. Don't beat yourself up if you don't hit every social mark you aim for, even the most charming person isn't talking with someone all the time at a party or whatever. Try and avoid fantasising about what could be if you do, and put those thoughts into better use by either doing something to achieve that ideal or thinking about something else. What I tend to do is think about what I could have done, could have said, and what could have happened but that's of no consequence whatsoever. Just do better next time or try a different approach. Another important thing is to not feel pressured about feeling happy OP, it's counter intuitive to achieving your inner peace.

Thank you for this post, I feel like i needed to hear something like this.

I'm sure you just didn't mention it but you're applying/have applied to college right OP?

Yes I've been doing a lot of college stuff. Really not a fun thing.

 

[Gnome Scat]

High school is shit, make the most of college when you get there. If your friends are doing stupid stuff that'll get them into trouble with the police, don't let them drag you down with them just because they're people to hang out with. The best advice I can give to you is try your best to meet new people, find a club if you can, too. Otherwise you'll just have to ride it out.

 

[Walpurgis]

Your thoughts sound like mine when I was your age.

What finally helped me snap out of it, was to always take opportunities to socialize when they were given. If some friends are throwing a party, go there. If some friends are going to a concert, go with them. Never choose to stay home and play videogames over socializing. Through practice, you will develop better social skills. I wish someone had told me this stuff earlier

This is good advice.

As for what to do after high school. That depends on whether or not you're a decent student. If so, go to university and pick a field. There are lots of choices and that might be overwhelming. So, look at lists of top jobs and that kind of thing. Looking at those will help you narrow it down so that you can pick something that isn't art and get screwed, and also so that you can pick something that you like or tolerate.

You said that you like video games and that makes you happy. Computer science might be a good choice.

There is also a profession called "actuary". It involves a lot of calculus and the like but I believe it takes 4 years to get a degree, and it is a high paying and very low stress job. You'll find that one in a lot of top 10 lists.

You could also go with some field of science. If you go in that direction, your first year will likely be very general (if it's anything like mine, at least). My friends and I took Chemistry, Biology, Math and Physics in the first year. I've decided on a chemistry degree now (in my 3rd year now). At that point, I could have gone with genetics, microbiology, biology or whatever. So if you go with science, I know that you can keep a lot of doors open while you make your decision. You might be able to make some friends in the science labs too.

If you're not good at school, I still recommend going to university. Take it slow and try to find stuff that you can do. You will thank yourself later, I'm sure.

What's high school?

Oh yeah, never went to one.

 

[AUS Karol]

What's high school?

Oh yeah, never went to one.

Yeah same here, I was homeschooled my whole life.

Don't know if it helps OP but when I started working everything got a heap better.

 

[MultiJhonny]

Yes I've been doing a lot of college stuff. Really not a fun thing.

Don't let it get to you too much.

It is not as much where you go to college but it is more so what you make of it.

 

[Moonkid]

Thank you for this post, I feel like i needed to hear something like this.

Glad to hear that Hit me up with a PM if you want, we can bitch about High School together and get through this haha.

 

[sn00zer]

Highschool sucks join a coop in college, stop playing videogames so much, if you have nothing to o say yes to hanging out ith people.

 

[Choomp]

Glad to hear that Hit me up with a PM if you want, we can bitch about High School together and get through this haha.

Will do. Everyone else's advice is much appreciated too. Making me feel better about this

 

[Choppasmith]

You're definitely not alone in this. Take any social opportunities that you're presented with. It's OK to worry about it, but worry about it and go. Don't stay home. The hardest part is often just getting yourself out the door.

Try to start a conversation once a day. And when you get worried about weirding people out, keep in mind that they're thinking about you much much less than they're thinking about themselves and what's going on in their own lives.

Are there any clubs your school offers that appeal you? If not, consider something outside of school, like a group from Meetup.com. Clubs are nice because you know everyone is there for the same reason you are, to socialize.

If you're pretty sure you're depressed, definitely talk to a professional. It's hard to fight that by yourself.

Definitely agree with this. High School was a really tough time for me. It didn't help that I was coping with some terrible trauma. I was such a mess. I'm better now, but one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't snap out of it sooner. Never had a proper High School girlfriend. Never did prom, never did homecoming.

Definitely get out there. Volunteer or find a job at a grocery/retail store if you can. The more you're around people, the sooner you'll feel better.

 

[Walpurgis]

Try to go to university with a friend that is taking the same classes. It helps to have friends with you while you adjust to the new systems. I had a bunch of high school friends with me in my classes during my first year. I have none now. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't worry so much about making friends in high school. It's not your last chance and don't put your final year of high school on a pedestal or whatever. It's just another year of school, who gives a crap what they try to make it on TV.

edit: I forgot to mention, you should join school clubs. Actually, join every club. It helps get you points for scholarships and you can make friends.

 

[You Are Viewtiful]

The moment you leave high school, you will forget about high school. It had zero impact on my life, personally. Haven't kept in touch with any of my friends but two.

Only thing that mattered were grades. Try to get good grades so you can get them scholarships $$$ That's all I'd concentrate on if I could go back.

University is way better socially. In high school everyone has their own cliques. University, everyone is always looking for new friends and like minded people. Also people can drive and get wasted, that helps too.

 

[ElectricBlanketFire]

Get into pop punk, go to college, meet people with similar interests.

You'll be fine.

 

[Africanus]

I too am in my final year of high school.

Although I have friends, great teachers, and generally a good time, four years of this living and partially living wears thin. And given that it is my last year, I too have regrets over what I may have done, what may have been, where I've failed that haunt me from time to time.

What comforts me is the temporal nature of it all. Why look! It's already October, and 1 quarter (or half a semester) has already passed by. Soon it shall be 2, then 3, then 4. Having doubts is a part of high school, but in time high school fades in relevance (id est, around April when you receive an acceptance letter).

Now this may not be comforting to you, to which I say, keep at it! Join a new club, apply to a college you feel is a reach, volunteer and discover what may be a passion.

I believe in your potential.

 

[Lactose_Intolerant]

Just play games, stop paying attention to gaming media. AAA games for the most part are terrible. The gaming media covers most them.

This is your problem with gaming getting boring/not interesting you anymore.

Just do your best in school. Try some new things if the stuff you are doing right now isn't making you happy.

As other people have said, getting a job really opens up your life to new people too. It teaches you responsibility and you meet people you probably wouldn't normally interact with.

You will meet lots of interesting people from different parts of the world instead of the hometown crowd you grew up with when you do the whole college thing. Expand your horizons, try stuff you wouldn't normally do but still be yourself.

 

[Xe4]

It'l work out ok OP. Many people, myself included, felt super out of place in high school. Go to college, even if it's a standard four year, or community. It's ok not to know what to do with your life. Most importantly, it's good to remember that it get's better. High school can be a shitty place with too much drama, and college (at least the one that I go to) seems to get rid of a whole lot of that.

Best of luck OP.

 

[Zaphod]

Nah, it really doesn't. you get what you put in, I loved it.

OP, it seems like you are trying at least. I suggest you keep doing that. Try to make it work.

Some people really do have bad experiences regardless of their effort. I had multiple teachers yell at me, I got called into the office for bringing Shadowrun books to school. I had a teacher say that she hoped I fail at life and another throw a chair at me and tell me I'd be dead in five years. I was a quiet student who did not cause trouble, but I was a bit weird and tall so I stood out. Once I was out of that toxic environment I thrived.

 

[Sami+]

High school was shit for me. Absolutely hated it. Didn't have many friends, was super awkward with very little social skills, cynical as fuck, and was kinda ugly to boot (didn't figure out what look really worked for me until my first year at university lol). It'll get better OP, you just have to put yourself out there and try. I've met so many awesome people at FSU and really love it there.

Community college (dual enrolled) didn't really do much for me. Just felt like high school lol. Probably because I didn't have a car and still got picked up by my mom after classes...

 

[meltingparappa]

Baring divorces and deaths in the family, this may literally be the worst time in your life.

Echoing forever that once you go to college, you'll finally meet people close to who you are and it'll do wonders in terms of carving out an identity for yourself and a goal in life you'll want to aspire to.

I went to high school in a small conservative religious town in Michigan that was all about guns, football and cars. Went away to art school, came to terms with being bisexual, met fellow neckbeards with all the same interests and ambitions I have. Now I work in Manhattan and am surrounded by people who make unequivocally me happy every day.

Your first few years of college will consist of having "your college friends" and then your "real" friends back home. As time goes on and you choose who you keep in contact with, that group reverses pretty quickly.

Now at 30-something, other than family and a handful of really cool friendships that have voluntarily persevered, everything prior to college feels like a wash.

Try to remain stoic and doing everything you can to prepare for your future, and uh... I say this with the utmost seriousness without reading into anything, but if that feeling you have ever becomes overwhelming, don't be afraid to talk to a professional just once or twice. Co-pay is cheap on most insurance plans, and if you have a car you don't necessarily need to tell anyone if you're not comfortable.

 

[Choomp]

About the club/activity thing, I usually play baseball in the spring and I usually think it's a lot of fun. I'm also going to run track this winter since it seems like a big social event and'll keep me in good shape too. It's more about me just getting nervous and not talking to many people in those situations.

 

[Mesousa]

Some people really do have bad experiences regardless of their effort. I had multiple teachers yell at me, I got called into the office for bringing Shadowrun books to school. I had a teacher say that she hoped I fail at life and another throw a chair at me and tell me I'd be dead in five years. I was a quiet student who did not cause trouble, but I was a bit weird and tall so I stood out. Once I was out of that toxic environment I thrived.

Had teachers try to pull that on me too.

Shows what they know. I make more than all of them now, and I am not even in the career I want yet

Most Public school teachers are just doing it because they couldnt handle a harder major. Anything they say to kids should be taken with a grain of salt.

 

[dity]

Try to get a job in your final year maybe, get some work friends and continue on after school? That might make you happy. I jumped right into university after studying through my final year and am pretty disappointed in how my life's turned out socially and job-a-ly. First year or two was alright but then it gets all serious and you're like "ah fuck".

 

[Laieon]

Nah, it really doesn't. you get what you put in, I loved it.

Yeah, I absolutely loved High School. So many fantastic memories.

Most people say college is a better experience, but it was pretty forgettable for me.

After College > High School > College

Most Public school teachers are just doing it because they couldnt handle a harder major. Anything they say to kids should be taken with a grain of salt.

This seems like a bit of a stretch, and it honestly sounds like a pretty asshole-ish thing to say. As the son of a teacher, from my experience most public school teachers are teachers because they want to be. What do you mean by "couldn't handle a harder major"? There's teachers with any number of majors, I've had ones with anything from an Art History degree to Early Childhood Development to Biological Science to Chemistry (lived in Houston, had a few ex-Nasa employees as teachers. My 5th grade teacher even dated one of the guys who was on Columbia when she was younger).

If you don't/didn't want to be a teacher, you're probably not going to last long. Nobody wants to deal with that many kids (and their parents), administration stuff, etc... unless they absolutely want to be there.

 

[Zaphod]

Had teachers try to pull that on me too.

Shows what they know. I make more than all of them now, and I am not even in the career I want yet

Most Public school teachers are just doing it because they couldnt handle a harder major. Anything they say to kids should be taken with a grain of salt.

I wish I would have know that then. It took me a long time to recover, but 20 years later I'm near the top of my engineering class and have lead a very entertaining life between high school and college.

Yeah, I absolutely loved High School. So many fantastic memories.

You've got memories, I got therapy bills.

 

[Lesath]

Speaking as the guy who never asked his crush out in high school, ask her. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but at least you'll know. I wish I had the courage back then to find out.

Secondly, don't worry about what your friends are doing. As you get older you realize that people will come in and out of your life, and you don't need to get caught up in their shit unless you want to. You'll meet new people in college, and the people there are going to be more diverse than your dinky high school. You don't have to make many friends: a few is fine. On the other hand, don't let the worry of what others think get to you; often, they're not thinking of you at all.

You'll have a little bit of time to figure out what you want in college, so relax a bit. On the other hand, do make an effort to find out what really motivates you. Art? Science? Finance? Politics? Whatever it is, talk to other students and professors (please do this) and get a sense of what interests you, and ask if you can participate. A lot of college students just expect to ride out the 4-ish years and land a job after the fact (or at least I did). Experience is not just a checkbox for filtering resumes; you need to convince the world that you know what you want and have some idea how you want to get there.

I've spent some time unemployed and my parents were really kind people who let me figure out my own thing while I mooched off of them. I realized that playing video games all day was fun, but I was incredibly unhappy, and it eats at your self-worth. As you said, it's really unfulfilling, and it took an uncharacteristic initiative on my part to get myself out of a spiral that seemed headed towards depression.

TLDR: Relax, you're not too late for anything. Don't worry about being awkward because that's who you are and the people you want in your life don't mind. Try to find out what you want to do in life. Ask the girl out.