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Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|

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Lots of obsession with looks the past few pages. Which, okay, is natural, but if you stay with the mindset that all it takes to be happy or in a relationship is to lose that weight, or build those muscles, or fix those teeth, or whatever, you might be disappointed when you actually get there.

Even good-looking people have relationship problems - I know plenty of good-looking guys (and girls) without boyfriends, or in miserable relationships, who cheat or get cheated on, or who complain that no one wants to be in a relationship with them and only want sex, etc. Being good-looking certainly means that more people will approach you and be willing to date (or sleep with) you, but it doesn't guarantee that the right person will approach you, or that you'll be ready on the inside for a healthy relationship. I mean, think of the gorgeous Hollywood actors and models who go through strings of people.

This isn't meant to be catty, but did you see the pictures of all the couples who got married in New York recently? All ages, races, etc. How many of them looked like models or actors to you? By Hollywood standards, the vast majority would be judged as average, or even plain or homely. But they all looked so happy, and they didn't seem to care at all what people would think about their looks, because they'd found someone to spend their life with. If they can do it, then ultimately that sort of happiness must not hinge on looks.

A friend from school recently got married to his partner in New York. They met on a dating site, and neither of them is model material - I mean, they're cute in their own way, but they're both short, and one's a little paunchy, while the other's balding (and both are in their 20's). But really, who cares - they took a chance online and clicked, and here they are.

This is just a long way of saying - don't waste time feeling bad about your looks and how you don't measure up. Sure, stay healthy, go to the gym if it makes you feel better about your appearance, but don't forget to actually live a little and meet people, no matter how you look. Don't delay and say you'll be ready to get out there once you're thinner, or more muscular, or your skin's cleared up, because time goes by really quickly, and in a few years you may wonder why you wasted all that time feeling sorry for yourself or waiting to be a better (looking) person, when you could have been living and enjoying life, whether with a partner or not.
 
jgwhiteus said:
Lots of obsession with looks the past few pages. Which, okay, is natural, but if you stay with the mindset that all it takes to be happy or in a relationship is to lose that weight, or build those muscles, or fix those teeth, or whatever, you might be disappointed when you actually get there.

Even good-looking people have relationship problems - I know plenty of good-looking guys (and girls) without boyfriends, or in miserable relationships, who cheat or get cheated on, or who complain that no one wants to be in a relationship with them and only want sex, etc. Being good-looking certainly means that more people will approach you and be willing to date (or sleep with) you, but it doesn't guarantee that the right person will approach you, or that you'll be ready on the inside for a healthy relationship. I mean, think of the gorgeous Hollywood actors and models who go through strings of people.

This isn't meant to be catty, but did you see the pictures of all the couples who got married in New York recently? All ages, races, etc. How many of them looked like models or actors to you? By Hollywood standards, the vast majority would be judged as average, or even plain or homely. But they all looked so happy, and they didn't seem to care at all what people would think about their looks, because they'd found someone to spend their life with. If they can do it, then ultimately that sort of happiness must not hinge on looks.

A friend from school recently got married to his partner in New York. They met on a dating site, and neither of them is model material - I mean, they're cute in their own way, but they're both short, and one's a little paunchy, while the other's balding (and both are in their 20's). But really, who cares - they took a chance online and clicked, and here they are.

This is just a long way of saying - don't waste time feeling bad about your looks and how you don't measure up. Sure, stay healthy, go to the gym if it makes you feel better about your appearance, but don't forget to actually live a little and meet people, no matter how you look. Don't delay and say you'll be ready to get out there once you're thinner, or more muscular, or your skin's cleared up, because time goes by really quickly, and in a few years you may wonder why you wasted all that time feeling sorry for yourself or waiting to be a better (looking) person, when you could have been living and enjoying life, whether with a partner or not.

So true. You wont meet anyone, sulking at home, infront of your computer lamenting on NeoGAF.
 
jgwhiteus said:
This is just a long way of saying - don't waste time feeling bad about your looks and how you don't measure up. Sure, stay healthy, go to the gym if it makes you feel better about your appearance, but don't forget to actually live a little and meet people, no matter how you look. Don't delay and say you'll be ready to get out there once you're thinner, or more muscular, or your skin's cleared up, because time goes by really quickly, and in a few years you may wonder why you wasted all that time feeling sorry for yourself or waiting to be a better (looking) person, when you could have been living and enjoying life, whether with a partner or not.

Oh, I'm not saying Neo needs to be me and an asshole that's destined to be foreveralone.jpg, but he needs to get confidence first. People here telling him he's decent looking (which he is), is a start. Second he needs to get a thicker shell as from what he's told me, he takes peoples rejections REALLY hard: Hence the "fuck the other people, I'm awesome" mentality and NOT WORRYING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE/RELATIONSHIPS right now.
 
Aww I missed the São Paulo thread, when I got home it was already locked. I'm sad. :(

BTW you guys are all so good looking. I'll post a pic of myself some time later.
 
ciD_Vain said:
That's a very interesting approach and I think I may do just that during the party. Thanks. Also, say he mentions being with a girl again, how would you suggest asking if he's straight or bi? I worked with him again today. He seems like a very nice person and I invited him to a party i'm having over the weekend- he said he'd come so maybe i can try a few things then.
Don't need to directly ask him either. :p
The classic "is it anything serious? (with the girl he's going out with)" might get your response. Plus the usual Facebook/MSN exchange to get to know him better.

In the cases I was curious with the usual "is he or is he not" doubts; it worked for me with simpler questions like that. The more conformatble they felt, the more they talked about themselves..and the girl problems, and their latest conquest, etc.

In the end try to be more interested on him as a person, than on him as a gay person. Who knows if he's bi or just really hidden in the closet. But with some people, it's better to play it "safe".

At the same time, you could openly say "By the way..I'm gay. I don't go telling everyone, but I wanted to tell you; because I know some people might get other ideas or talk..and I rather have you know by me; than as a rumor on the job."

A friend of mine met his boyfriend, after inviting him to lunch to get to know him better (he also was wondering if theg guy was gay or not)...and saying somethin similar to: "Hey, you're a cool guy but I'm afraid that if I tell you something about me, you'll stop talking to me and I value our friendship more...and is not the kind of things that you go around telling, because others "hate you and reject you" as if it was a "choice"..." ... The other guy just smiled and admitted to been gay too, without him saying anything more.

The kind of things that don't happen to me...sounds taken out of a freaking chick-flick. XD


red_13th said:
Aww I missed the São Paulo thread, when I got home it was already locked. I'm sad. :(

BTW you guys are all so good looking. I'll post a pic of myself some time later.
Hahaha..
I saw your post over there. You were so excited to participate.

GayGAF always so nice. The thread suddenly became quite sexy with all those guys...GirlGAF loved it too. XD
 
red_13th said:
Aww I missed the São Paulo thread, when I got home it was already locked. I'm sad. :(

BTW you guys are all so good looking. I'll post a pic of myself some time later.

Bet you will deliver the goods too
like everyone else in this thread has.
 
ayeorkean said:
What do you guys think of browsing around dating/hook up sites (grindr, ok cupid) while in a relationship?
Browsing for what, exactly? You should ask your man how he feels about it.
 
Well, if you BOTH do it "for the lulz", cool.
If it's just you, while he doesn't know..you might as well just watch porn. :p

Nothing personal, but it just migth give the wrong impression to your partner. Unless you openly talk about it with him.
 
ayeorkean said:
I disapprove completely, but my bf says it's just to make "friends" and see who's nearby to make "friends".

Unless your planning on making your relationship and open one, then Id say there are better ways to make friends.
 
ayeorkean said:
I disapprove completely, but my bf says it's just to make "friends" and see who's nearby to make "friends".
Ah so it's your BF the one doing it? Hmm. At least he's not deying it.
If anything, ask him to do it together; so you both can make new "friends".
 
ayeorkean said:
I disapprove completely, but my bf says it's just to make "friends" and see who's nearby to make "friends".

nope, those guys with bios saying they want friends are mostly the ones who message me trying to do a one nighter. do not i repeat do not do this
 
SpaceBridge said:
like everyone else in this thread has.

Nope.avi

ayeorkean said:
I disapprove completely, but my bf says it's just to make "friends" and see who's nearby to make "friends".

This road leads to madness. Don't go down it unless you both are in the know that you both are open to screwing other people while being in this relationship, and even then I wouldn't recommend it as a safe-sex person.
 
ayeorkean said:
He says he wants to have gay friends who share some of the same interests. He does seem lonely at times and I understand, but that sounds like a boyfriend to me.
He can find the same interests with girls and straight guys, the only interest all gays share is the love for [Google Censored]
 
Marius_ said:
He can find the same interests with girls and straight guys, the only interest all gays share is the love for [Google Censored]

Yeah. Mentioned that, but finds it hard to make friends with women. He's called me selfish for disapproving of him making friends this way.
 
ayeorkean said:
Yeah. Mentioned that, but finds it hard to make friends with women. He's called me selfish for disapproving of him making friends this way.

I dont get it though. Dont guys go on those site to meet guys for sex and relationships. Who the hell would want to make a friend on there?
 
SpaceBridge said:
I dont get it though. Dont guys go on those site to meet guys for sex and relationships. Who the hell would want to make a friend on there?

Swing.jpg


*sigh*

Not everyone in this thread has shown pictures. WHOOSH and all that.
 
ayeorkean said:
Yeah. Mentioned that, but finds it hard to make friends with women. He's called me selfish for disapproving of him making friends this way.
You should tell him that it is not him that you dont trust but the guys on those sites,
 
Dead Man said:
Now that you mention it... I think TheSeks needs to be shown.

NOPE.avi

http://preview.tinyurl.com/3mwmgyl
 
Ok first, fernoca I wanna see your face so I'll be expecting a PM. You've been saying how ugly you are for quite some time now and I wanna find out for sure.

Second, friends on Okcupid, maybe. But on Grindr? LOL.
 
I just wanna say that Im happy to see that this thread has come back to life. While I was awaiting my membership to be accepted, I used to read this thread (and the old one too) and how much I wanted to participate.

Also, how many GAFers are gay? Cuz seems like so many regular posters are popping in and saying "hi".

And Fernoca isnt ugly, but Ill let him work up the courage to post a face pic.
 
Alcoori said:
Ok first, fernoca I wanna see your face so I'll be expecting a PM. You've been saying how ugly you are for quite some time now and I wanna find out for sure.

Second, friends on Okcupid, maybe. But on Grindr? LOL.
Hahaha..Well, I posted my chest already..so that's something. :p
Check your PM then.

You can make friends on Grindr....with some benefits too. :p


SpaceBridge said:
I just wanna say that Im happy to see that this thread has come back to life. While I was awaiting my membership to be accepted, I used to read this thread (and the old one too) and how much I wanted to participate.

Also, how many GAFers are gay? Cuz seems like so many regular posters are popping in and saying "hi".
Yeah, a few stopped participating when the megathread was shut down. Since the focus of this one is supposed to be more on reltionships and tips, derailing it too much migth get it locked and reopened with more strict rules.

Botolf was quite active...ivysaur too..
 
Yeah looking for friends on Grindr is ridiculous. I dont buy it. Never have never will.

Meanwhile i am trying to find a new place to live, who knew it would be so hard to find a place to live in West Hollywood?! Jeeeees
 
fernoca said:
Hahaha..Well, I posted my chest already..so that's something. :p
Check your PM then.

You can make friends on Grindr....with some benefits too. :p


Right, but I dont think ayeorkean wants his BF to makes friends with those kinds of benefits.
 
Reminds me of that site, that all they do is post pictures of the "arrogant guys" from Grindr..and make fun of them. XD

EDIT:
orioto was a regular too.
 
fernoca said:
Hahaha..Well, I posted my chest already..so that's something. :p
Check your PM then.

You can make friends on Grindr....with some benefits too. :p



Yeah, a few stopped participating when the megathread was shut down. Since the focus of this one is supposed to be more on reltionships and tips, derailing it too much migth get it locked and reopened with more strict rules.

Botolf was quite active...ivysaur too..

Since Im new on GAF, what would be considered derailing this thread?
 
fernoca said:
Reminds me of that site, that all they do is post pictures of the "arrogant guys" from Grindr..and make fun of them. XD

EDIT:
orioto was a regular too.

DBs of grindr? that still exists hahaha
 
Marius_ said:
Good gurl, there are better ways to make friends then what he is doing

See, its the hardest thing to do, but I still believe its the BEST thing. Go to bars/clubs.

I worked for 2 years as a gay nightclub photographer, and I went from the timid kid to everybody knowing my name. I would meet two completely separate groups of people and by the next week they were all hanging out with each other.

If you go out with a little confidence, have a drink to loosen up, you can meet a lot of new people, and locals around your area, REAL people, not just a screen name.
 
B-Ri said:
DBs of grindr? that still exists hahaha

Oh shit. You just made my night by making me look this up. Now I'm going to be looking at terrible personal ads all night. :(
 
SpaceBridge said:
Since Im new on GAF, what would be considered derailing this thread?
In the case of this thread, more than anything:
-Post too many pictures of users
-Post pictures of "hot guys"
-Start talking about games in general (for too long)
-Or start talking about a new video, movie (again for too long)

And things like that. That one reply talks about a game, another about guys, another about sex, another about clothing.

Is obvious that at some moment we might derail talk for some short time about something else like yesterday with Google+ or today with neojubei's pic; which ends giving some (needed) life to this thread. But what the mods want ot avoid is having that, multiplied by 10.

At the moment, everything seems to be fine...as long as the relationship talk stays as the main focus/point of the thread; like ayeorkean's question about his BF "friends problem".


B-Ri said:
DBs of grindr? that still exists hahaha
Haha..yeah, thanks for reminding me the name! that first pic is..darn! XD


EDIT:
Shit, someone posted a picture of..Jesus Christ! XD
 
fernoca said:
Shit, someone posted a picture of..Jesus Christ! XD

Yeah, that one is hilarious. But the "racist" ones are "buh?" The dudes aren't racist for stating up front that they aren't attracted to those types of people. The way they sound can be kinda "asshole"-ish, sure. But grindr is meant for anonymous sex, and I doubt those people want to state "sorry, not interested" thousands of times. Cutting the types down to specifics doesn't seem "douche" to me. *shrug*
 
SpaceBridge said:
Well, if he mentions that he is with a girl, or asks if he can bring his girl then I wouldn't even bother. Being bi is one thing, but being bi and having a girlfriend is territory you don't want to venture in.

Good job though asking him to come to your party. Now, let everyone else that you invited know the party is canceled, so that when he arrives to the party its only you and him....
LOL oh that's creeper status now! Haha. Well, the thing is the "girl" lives 300+ mi. north and they're not together. There's no chance he's bringing her to the party.

fernoca said:
Don't need to directly ask him either. :p
The classic "is it anything serious? (with the girl he's going out with)" might get your response. Plus the usual Facebook/MSN exchange to get to know him better.

In the cases I was curious with the usual "is he or is he not" doubts; it worked for me with simpler questions like that. The more conformatble they felt, the more they talked about themselves..and the girl problems, and their latest conquest, etc.

In the end try to be more interested on him as a person, than on him as a gay person. Who knows if he's bi or just really hidden in the closet. But with some people, it's better to play it "safe".

At the same time, you could openly say "By the way..I'm gay. I don't go telling everyone, but I wanted to tell you; because I know some people might get other ideas or talk..and I rather have you know by me; than as a rumor on the job."

A friend of mine met his boyfriend, after inviting him to lunch to get to know him better (he also was wondering if theg guy was gay or not)...and saying somethin similar to: "Hey, you're a cool guy but I'm afraid that if I tell you something about me, you'll stop talking to me and I value our friendship more...and is not the kind of things that you go around telling, because others "hate you and reject you" as if it was a "choice"..." ... The other guy just smiled and admitted to been gay too, without him saying anything more.

The kind of things that don't happen to me...sounds taken out of a freaking chick-flick. XD
Hmm, some good suggestions you have in there, thanks! I guess I'm just going to play the safe route. That last part with your friend though, that's probably not gonna happen with me. haha.
 
holy shit i didnt know about that site
KuGsj.gif


it sums up everything i hate about Grindr and dating sites, yet i still love it cause there are some nice guys on there also.

TLru6.jpg


KuGsj.gif
 
TheSeks said:
Yeah, that one is hilarious. But the "racist" ones are "buh?" The dudes aren't racist for stating up front that they aren't attracted to those types of people. The way they sound can be kinda "asshole"-ish, sure. But grindr is meant for anonymous sex, and I doubt those people want to state "sorry, not interested" thousands of times. Cutting the types down to specifics doesn't seem "douche" to me. *shrug*
I agree. Though I was still kinda surprised by the amount of "no asians" I saw.


ciD_Vain said:
LOL oh that's creeper status now! Haha. Well, the thing is the "girl" lives 300+ mi. north and they're not together. There's no chance he's bringing her to the party.

Hmm, some good suggestions you have in there, thanks! I guess I'm just going to play the safe route. That last part with your friend though, that's probably not gonna happen with me. haha.
Hehehe...
The bit of the girl living 300+ north, reminds me of 'Billy's Hollywood First Screen Kiss'. XD
Straight guy, had a girl living too far, they couldn't work things out, ended the relationship (or something since we never see anything about said relationship other than a phone call)Though the outcome was disappointing. The guy ended been gay, but just not interested in Billy. But Billy got the message and was happy to at least finally know the answer.

Also don't pressure yourself too much. Just be natural. Talk to him the same way you always talk while working; not plan "well at 6 I'll say hi, then at 7..gay time!!". Just assume that he's straight, don't go talking to him with the idea of getting married and having kids..though I don't know why I say that, since in my mind; I marry every guy that says "Hi...". XD.... :| .... :(


Kyon said:
holy shit i didnt know about that site
KuGsj.gif


it sums up everything i hate about Grindr and dating sites, yet i still love it cause there are some nice guys on there also.

http://i.imgur.com/TLru6.jpg

KuGsj.gif
Yeah. Another thing was the "camp" thing. Even the same guy(s?) from DB, were talking about ..WTF is "camp"..is it the new "it thing" to say when talking about "the gay community"? Been "out and proud"?
 
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