runlikehell
Banned
Birthday sex is the best sex. Possibly.
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Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|
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Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
So I'm not really one to gawk at hot guys - hell, I barely notice most of the people walking around me on an average day - but while in Nordstrom tonight with one of my ladyfriends it quickly became apparent that the store was staffed by unbelievably gorgeous men, each of whom could've been a model or A-list actor.
There were waaay more people working than normal because of a big weekend sale that was going on, so every two minutes there was another guychatting me up offering help and I was all wide-eyed, slack-jawed and stammering to every. single. one. Ugghhh, it was embarrassing.
There were waaay more people working than normal because of a big weekend sale that was going on, so every two minutes there was another guy
runlikehell
Banned
Damn, I'll have to add that to the list for next year! lolxelios said:
Yoshiya, you lazy man.
teiresias said:
Leave some powerful breath mints on each others night stands next time and it may be more tolerable. Or if you're into anal ofc the bottom(s) sneaks out of bed to go clean up first (unless you're into... cleaning up later).
But seriously, diff'rent strokes I guess. The erections tend to be most pleasant at that time.
Cosmic Bus said:
Do experiences like this make you more aware of their looks, or your own? Or a little of both? I know even with my insecurities I do enjoy the company of hot men, but being around them in person makes me feel a bit self-conscious. That I'm in a relationship and wouldn't actually sleep with them is beside the point.
What's odd about this phenomenon for me though is it applies to extremely attractive women as well, and I'm gay! There's this beautiful (10/10) girl at the pharmacy I always avoid, because I wonder what she will think about me getting psychiatric RXs filled. Yet I choose to see only female doctors/therapists at my own request. This is starting to get off topic sorry, just rambling. Mostly just interested in the original question: Does their hotness make you suddenly aware of your insecurities or do you become awkward for some other reason?
Edit #10: Can't type worth a shit when I wake up.
Journeywalker
Banned
Ugh...the Catholic Charities, Tracy Morgan, and HIV threads have left me feeling all sorts of pissed off and shitty.
I think I'm going to hide here for the rest of eternity.
On topic: at what point is a surprise wake up blowjob kosher?
I think I'm going to hide here for the rest of eternity.
On topic: at what point is a surprise wake up blowjob kosher?
runlikehell
Banned
In a relationship? Assuming you've already had sex I'd say from that point on, obviously it depends person to person. They might not be a morning person :lol.Journeywalker said:
G0523 said:
Yeah I always do that, use mouthwash or keep some strong ass mints on the nightstand. No one wants to smell soured milk morning breath on their dick (and trust me, you can smell it). Also there's this slightly pleasant minty cooling effect as a bonus for the receiver.
Any time the person is allowing you to fall asleep and wake up next to them. If they let you sleep there (whether dating, one night stand, or relationship) I can assure you they will not object to morning head.
ZephyrFate
Banned
Well, I mean, we ARE a cesspool of HIV+ queers, right? At least, in a world created by Instigator we would be labeled as such.Journeywalker said:
About a month and a half single now. Got out of a near 3 year relationship, Now im filled with a lot of regret.
I've made huge changes in my life and lifestyle that I hadnt been able to make because of my juggling two lives separated by 2 hours of traffic each way, and 50 hour work weeks. I am now 35 days without a cigarette, 15 pounds lighter still dropping.
Now all I wish is we could get back together. Hindsight is 20/20 they say, and I see the many mistakes I made, the things i could have changed, the things i could have done differently, the things that didnt matter as much as they were made out to be.
After having not talked for 3 weeks, we hung out 3 weekends in a row and had an amazing time each week, things went back to normal, but I felt were much better than we had left it. Then just all of a sudden he wants to cut it off again. He admits he still has feelings for me, but cant handle the stress of "any" relationship right now, and does want to date other people, because he hasnt had much experience outside of me.
You would think living in West Hollywood would make it easy to meet people, friends, and dates, well... not really for me so far, hahaha.
I've made huge changes in my life and lifestyle that I hadnt been able to make because of my juggling two lives separated by 2 hours of traffic each way, and 50 hour work weeks. I am now 35 days without a cigarette, 15 pounds lighter still dropping.
Now all I wish is we could get back together. Hindsight is 20/20 they say, and I see the many mistakes I made, the things i could have changed, the things i could have done differently, the things that didnt matter as much as they were made out to be.
After having not talked for 3 weeks, we hung out 3 weekends in a row and had an amazing time each week, things went back to normal, but I felt were much better than we had left it. Then just all of a sudden he wants to cut it off again. He admits he still has feelings for me, but cant handle the stress of "any" relationship right now, and does want to date other people, because he hasnt had much experience outside of me.
You would think living in West Hollywood would make it easy to meet people, friends, and dates, well... not really for me so far, hahaha.
B-Ri said:
Having been in a similar situation a couple of years ago, I know how much that sucks.
I don't know exactly why you guys broke up, but if it was because he wanted to see other people then you have nothing to gain in getting back together with him until he got it out of his system.
You also have to grieve your relationship. You know what they say, it takes half as long as the duration of your relationship to get over it. It was somewhat true for me, and I did have the same periods of time where I was thinking that I could have done things differently and that we should get back together and all that. But in the end, looking back on things, it was a good thing we broke up. We're still very good friends and talk regularly, but I wouldn't go back. We both found new people we like and I think it's better that way.
In any case, good luck man. Break ups suck, but at least you lost some weight and gave up smoking!
Alcoori said:
He didnt think we had enough in common. He also thought we fought a lot (which I really didnt think so.)
I feel like we stopped meeting each other half way. We had had a relationship with a lot of twists and turns.
First year we dated, perfect. Then he got a job offer in Korea for a year, and took the job. 1 month into it he left the job and came back and lived with me for 2 weeks. He then moved to Denver to live with his father while he got back on his feet, and ended up taking a job in Denver and didnt tell me until 4 days into visiting him there for Christmas.
I then got my internship in Hollywood, and one in the OC and was up and down all the time. His old job in CA offered him a new position, and better pay and benefits. It wasnt the easiest decision hes made, but he moved back.
Then once he got back and we got settled, my internship gave me a full time position, and I eventually had to move to Hollywood because the commute was too much to bare.
I feel like the last 2 years we havent had much time to... fit into a routine? to relax?
Its naive to say, but I did honestly thing he was the one I would go the long haul with. Everything was just genuine, and having worked at clubs and bars and meeting all kinds of people, we had something I didnt see in many couples, or people really.
I am grieving, but youre right when you say I have to wait till the "dating other people" is out of his system.
I cant do anything about it besides making sure that if he ever looks back to me, I am a better person than when we had left each other, but I also have adopted the idea that if he is window shopping, so should I.
TDLR, sorry hahaha.
FoneBone said:
Yeah why not. I believe you have my Facebook.
B-Ri said:
Seems like life got in the way. It's kinda hard to build something solid when you both are unsure of your future and when you don't live in the same places. It's possible but harder.
In any case, you should window shop. Rebound dating/sex is a good way to forget about a relationship and put things into perspective. Of course don't rush into it, just do it when you feel like you're ready for it
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
xelios said:
Well, it goes without saying that it's their looks that make me take notice to begin with; since I don't "window shop" guys, look for dates, etc, there's going to be something very striking about a man for me to take such sharp, instant notice like this. But yeah, once I'm aware of their attractiveness (be it one guy or fifty), my self-conscious nature and insecurities go through the roof. There's no doubt each of the ones in question were graced with some fantastic genes and I most certainly was not, but it mostly makes me feel totally out of place and depressed that I've never been able to do accomplish much with myself in terms of overall physical appearance and fitness.
Your anecdote about women, though, works the opposite way for me: I looove being around beautiful, sexy women of any age or race or weight. They've never been judgmental to me in any way, always seem to appreciate that I'm a good listener, funny, and I dole out complements like candy.
Also, women are very open and at ease around me since I'm quite non-threatening for a number of reasons.umop_3pisdn
Member
I don't know if this might help anyone else, but when I'm feeling rather nervous I just try to relax my eyes. I find I carry a lot of nervous tension in my eyes, and relaxing that or the rest of my face/jaw or whatever makes the rest of me feel really relaxed. I guess it's something to try, I'm a pretty neurotic person but I find it works better than I'd tend to think.
umop_3pisdn
Member
needlejuice said:
Wow, thank you for saying so! Sometimes I think I'm kind of a kook, but knowing my posts are appreciated makes me worry about that less. I think my example often lags behind my advice, though. It's easy to comment on other people in kind of an intellectually detached way, but with my own problems I can be kind of a hypocrite sometimes! But I'm extremely happy to hear that my sometimes over-reflective pondering means something to you. I want it to make sense to others, but I think I sometimes defeat my own efforts lol.
edit: What I mean is I hardly ever really know what I'm talking about, so if others do that has to be an encouraging sign. Thank you again.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
After 2-ish years, my account was activated today! I've been lurking in this thread for a while, so I just wanted to stop by and say hello. Also, +1 for Bi-Guy GAF. ^__^
Being around good-looking guys doesn't exactly make me feel insecure. But it does make me feel nervous and self-conscious. Last Friday, I went to the gym, hoping for a quiet alone time. Alas, the guy that I think is hot was there too. So I thought, fine, I'll exercise far far away from him. Alas, he actually moved all the way from where he was benching right next to where I was doing shoulder press. FML. Just like that, my concentration went haywire and even though I normally could do 8 reps without trouble, I was struggling just to get to 6 reps. So pathetic.
Welcome!
RatskyWatsky said:
Welcome!
So, I think I'm rapidly becoming a self-hating queer (semi-joking, but hear me out). I feel like the community (or members of it) are actively rejecting me lately!
Let's face it; there are gay men of all sorts out there, and some make their orientation more obvious than others, and some can't help but have their orientation be more apparent. It's in the way some people talk, or dress, or behave, or some combination of the above. I suppose I fit into the type that isn't obvious in any way. I'm not actively trying to hide, it's just not who I am.
Haven't really had a problem with any of this, until recently, when meeting friends of friends, and having them berate me for hiding or suppressing my sexuality! "Why you dressed up like that baby?" I'll have some friend of a friend tell me when we hang for the first time. "Where's your pride?", as if I'm somehow ashamed of myself. I didn't have an answer right then and there, because I felt so offended.
Has anyone else run into this phenomenon?
A local Toronto paper, The Grid, just ran a story that discussed the "Postmodern Homo, or Post-Mo" or whatever, where they interviewed a bunch of gay men that were tired of pride, and actively making the decision to reject most elements of the stereotypical gay village lifestyle and integrate (which was hilarious, because to me, 90% of them still looked unavoidably obvious to me by way of dress or pose in the photo shoot). I get that the community has something against them, and there are tensions between the Pride-queers and the Integration-queers, but I feel like I'm caught in the middle, as I don't belong to either side here. I'm not actively trying to be either type; I'm just a guy who likes guys, and it's like everyone wants me to take a side, and that I'm an enemy of the state if I don't dress in tighter clothing or force a lisp, or make a stand by not visiting the village with queer friends at all.
Why does it have to be either/or? What sub-minority do I belong to here? Do I really have to pick one of these identities for myself? lol
Am I not allowed to visit gay establishments if I don't embrace a certain kind of behavior or social dress? The looks I get sometimes, man.
Any thoughts?
Let's face it; there are gay men of all sorts out there, and some make their orientation more obvious than others, and some can't help but have their orientation be more apparent. It's in the way some people talk, or dress, or behave, or some combination of the above. I suppose I fit into the type that isn't obvious in any way. I'm not actively trying to hide, it's just not who I am.
Haven't really had a problem with any of this, until recently, when meeting friends of friends, and having them berate me for hiding or suppressing my sexuality! "Why you dressed up like that baby?" I'll have some friend of a friend tell me when we hang for the first time. "Where's your pride?", as if I'm somehow ashamed of myself. I didn't have an answer right then and there, because I felt so offended.
Has anyone else run into this phenomenon?
A local Toronto paper, The Grid, just ran a story that discussed the "Postmodern Homo, or Post-Mo" or whatever, where they interviewed a bunch of gay men that were tired of pride, and actively making the decision to reject most elements of the stereotypical gay village lifestyle and integrate (which was hilarious, because to me, 90% of them still looked unavoidably obvious to me by way of dress or pose in the photo shoot). I get that the community has something against them, and there are tensions between the Pride-queers and the Integration-queers, but I feel like I'm caught in the middle, as I don't belong to either side here. I'm not actively trying to be either type; I'm just a guy who likes guys, and it's like everyone wants me to take a side, and that I'm an enemy of the state if I don't dress in tighter clothing or force a lisp, or make a stand by not visiting the village with queer friends at all.
Why does it have to be either/or? What sub-minority do I belong to here? Do I really have to pick one of these identities for myself? lol
Am I not allowed to visit gay establishments if I don't embrace a certain kind of behavior or social dress? The looks I get sometimes, man.
Any thoughts?
ZephyrFate
Banned
As much as you may feel like you're in the middle, you sound more like "integration"-queer than "pride"-queer. The ideology behind the former being, "I'm just a guy who likes guys."Magnus said:
badcrumble
Member
That 'post-mo' article was horseshit because it claimed that everything's just fine and dandy for gay people now and that they're no longer discriminated against while ignoring the fact that poor gay people, trans people, et cetera are still MASSIVELY discriminated against, but as far as the whole going out/gender performance/whatever thing is concerned, you can be gay however the hell you want and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Just don't look down your nose at effeminate guys; if you don't like how it feels to have someone tell you how you ought to be gay, remember that feeling, and don't do it to others.Magnus said:
excelforward
Member
RatskyWatsky said:
Omnomnom, bi-GAF.
Also, GayGAF, I am still alive! I have just gone into lurk-mode.
B-Ri said:
I know (more or less) how you feel about that. Getting out of a relationship is damn hard, and the first three months are the worst. Just focus on getting through day by day, one step in front of the other. It sounds dumb, but sometimes just finding a new project makes life easier, especially when it is a new one and has no real connection to a past enjoyment.
Chin up (when you can), and believe you me, it'll be good again.
excelforward said:I know (more or less) how you feel about that. Getting out of a relationship is damn hard, and the first three months are the worst. Just focus on getting through day by day, one step in front of the other. It sounds dumb, but sometimes just finding a new project makes life easier, especially when it is a new one and has no real connection to a past enjoyment.
Chin up (when you can), and believe you me, it'll be good again.
You know, I think I am doing a lot better than I should be. It was quite a rough patch we were going through when we broke up.
Problem is is we fell right back into things 3 weeks later. He put a stop to it two weeks ago, and is now coming to visit tomorrow or thursday, AND were going up north to visit and see his family next weekend.
I want him back, thats the problem.
What does he want? He says he doesnt want it, but it seems like just like I am, he keeps coming back.
I dunno
He probably feels a bit of regret for breaking up with you and wants to make you feel okay by being a friend. If he doesn't want a relationship with you, don't get your hopes up.
That's not bad advice. It's shallow to care about appearances in any case.badcrumble said:
Magnus said:
I can't agree with that part enough. But it goes both ways. I have such a hard time finding a middle ground when it comes to men for some reason. Guys I've met are either incredibly stereotypical or have moved to the opposite end and completely resent anyone whose behaviour is not considered "straight acting" or "masculine". Not only are both sides equally condescending, but they also refuse to associate or relate to anyone who isn't like them.
I've come to realize that I fit neither category, and that guys I'm looking for cannot be found in the village nor are they commonly found online. It seems the best way is to meet them through friends, colleagues or non-gay events. It's actually pretty depressing to think about how much segregation exists within the community itself.
excelforward
Member
So, I'm not really sure how to go about saying this without sounded conceited, but I'll do my best. I think I'm finally starting to feel okay about my physical appearance.
This is a bit of a weird revelation for me, due to the fact that for most of the last 18 years (I'm 24, but I don't think I had many thoughts about appearance before 6), I have been pretty much disgusted by myself. Not to go into too much detail, but as a kid I had a terrible overbite and oversized teeth for a kid. I got those fixed for the most part, but due to a long-standing fight with depression, I started to gain weight. I jumped to a max at about 185lbs on an otherwise small, shorter frame.
After moving out and starting life on my own, I lost a good bit of that weight, but still didn't like myself. I went from overweight to underweight with stretch marks. I hovered in the overweight-underweight cycle for a while where I swung back and forth between the two. About two years ago, following a breakup with my ex, I really started getting into working out. I lost some fat and put on some muscle, but was still really scrawny. I've been working out recently and have been finally focusing more on strength building than muscle building, but I'm slowly starting to feel better.
Sure, I'm willing to bet that there will be days where I continue to be grossed out when I look in the mirror, but I'm hoping the tide is slowly shifting. I know this is the relationship thread, but, to quote RuPaul "You can't love nobody else unless you love yourself first". So, here's to a new beginning?
This is a bit of a weird revelation for me, due to the fact that for most of the last 18 years (I'm 24, but I don't think I had many thoughts about appearance before 6), I have been pretty much disgusted by myself. Not to go into too much detail, but as a kid I had a terrible overbite and oversized teeth for a kid. I got those fixed for the most part, but due to a long-standing fight with depression, I started to gain weight. I jumped to a max at about 185lbs on an otherwise small, shorter frame.
After moving out and starting life on my own, I lost a good bit of that weight, but still didn't like myself. I went from overweight to underweight with stretch marks. I hovered in the overweight-underweight cycle for a while where I swung back and forth between the two. About two years ago, following a breakup with my ex, I really started getting into working out. I lost some fat and put on some muscle, but was still really scrawny. I've been working out recently and have been finally focusing more on strength building than muscle building, but I'm slowly starting to feel better.
Sure, I'm willing to bet that there will be days where I continue to be grossed out when I look in the mirror, but I'm hoping the tide is slowly shifting. I know this is the relationship thread, but, to quote RuPaul "You can't love nobody else unless you love yourself first". So, here's to a new beginning?
excelforward
Member
_Isaac said:
Those were the few days that I would start to feel okay. Usually, shortly after, I'd look at them and feel horrible that I posted them which is why they'd disappear pretty quickly.
Journeywalker
Banned
Magnus said:
Divisions within the GLBT community are kinda ridiculous. I'm an inivisimo, but the last thing I would ever want is for all gay guys to blend in. It makes sense to dress up for something like Pride, but if I'm going to a Metro Tennis Group event, I'm not going to go on the court wearing a rainbow flag toga. Of course, if someone were to wear a rainbow flag toga, I'd compliment them and ask why we didn't coordinate our outfits beforehand.
If someone gives you a dirty look, it might be because they've made the silly generalization that all people that look like post-mos think that everyone should be integration-queers. Gay people aren't immune to silly generalizations and cattiness. If you care what they think (ie. you want to talk to them), let them know your position. They'll respect you more, and it'll help dispel the myth of the postmodern homo.
Here's that "It Gets Better" video that I shot and edited for 24 Hour Fitness.
http://vimeo.com/25089804
http://vimeo.com/25089804
Totally separate from the socio-political discussion;
Where are these ridiculously masculine queers you guys are all talking about? As long as they're not condescending to other types of queers, that's my kind of guy! I've never encountered one, and am starting to think I never will
Where are these ridiculously masculine queers you guys are all talking about? As long as they're not condescending to other types of queers, that's my kind of guy! I've never encountered one, and am starting to think I never will
ZephyrFate
Banned
Magnus said:Totally separate from the socio-political discussion;
Where are these ridiculously masculine queers you guys are all talking about? As long as they're not condescending to other types of queers, that's my kind of guy! I've never encountered one, and am starting to think I never will
I've yet to meet these gay men. I've only ever met the opposite.
D
Deleted member 30609
Unconfirmed Member
where do you live/where are you looking?Magnus said:Totally separate from the socio-political discussion;
Where are these ridiculously masculine queers you guys are all talking about? As long as they're not condescending to other types of queers, that's my kind of guy! I've never encountered one, and am starting to think I never will
Souldriver
Member
How did I get up here? I'm not good with computer.
I'n my case I've been told multiple times that I should "act more gay". And other things like "I should play less videogames and go out to clubs", and that I should "make it more apparent that I'm gay, because the way I act is like I'm hiding it".
But that's the thing, I'm not "acting". I'd be acting if I was more, I don't know..flamboyant. Or If went to Pride parades or went to clubs on a weekly basis (tried that last one already and its still not my thing.) But it's just not who I am.
I guess that's part of the reason I've always been single, and probably stay too. Why should I change in order to "meet more people", when noone has shown any interest in getting to know me the way I am?
But that's the thing, I'm not "acting". I'd be acting if I was more, I don't know..flamboyant. Or If went to Pride parades or went to clubs on a weekly basis (tried that last one already and its still not my thing.) But it's just not who I am.
I guess that's part of the reason I've always been single, and probably stay too. Why should I change in order to "meet more people", when noone has shown any interest in getting to know me the way I am?
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