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Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|

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DSFan1970 said:
Yes you are correct about the therapist. The weird thing is that I do want this guy at the gym badly. It's going counter my normal sensible thinking. I almost want to ask my partner if he could be the ONE. You know my one cheat. I know it's wrong but I was wanting (prior to chatting with you all tonight) this gym guy thing to happen, despite knowing it is trouble. I think that made it more exciting. Every time this gym guy texted me I got er excited.. I can't believe I am writing this. Anyway. I will cool it off.





And thanks all for listening. I have never told this (the affair) to anyone. I was embarrassed. Thanks.
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I really dont think having a "one cheat" is smart. It just becomes a cycle maybe your bored with the partner? Spice it up with him try some new things and bring that spark back.
 
Obsessed said:
Kind of off topic here, but why are bisexuals often treated poorly by the gay community?
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Because I guess seeing a partner go from you to someone of the opposite gender hurts? And people think we're more likely to cheat because we want the other gender. Basically people are stupid.
 
Obsessed said:
Kind of off topic here, but why are bisexuals often treated poorly by the gay community?
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I think it's probably an extension of society's views on bisexuality; gays are a part of the society they live in, after all. And pretty much everybody I've discussed the issue with - gay, lesbian, straight, whatever - pretty much thinks it either doesn't exist or it's so rare that most self-proclaimed bisexuals are lying. In truth, a lot of gay guys use bisexuality as a stepping stone, presumably so they can "get away" with saying they're still attracted to women.

I don't really like talking about it, but I call myself 'gay' despite having had sex with more women than men and enjoying vaginal sex. As cliché as it sounds, I really don't care about "identity" or using a word or a label to describe who or what I am. I do what I feel comfortable doing, and I'm completely happy. But literally every single time I've mentioned my experience with women, I end up in a pointless discussion where everyone tries to figure me out, calls me bisexual or gay but bi-curious with a homocentric yadda yadda yadda. I just don't really care.

So "gay" - for me, at least - is just easier to deal with.
 
Obsessed said:
Kind of off topic here, but why are bisexuals often treated poorly by the gay community?
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I think one of the reasons is because a lot of gay men were hurt by their bisexual partners cheating with or leaving them for a woman. This is the main reason that I've heard of, but I think there's also some confusion about what bi really means. For some people, it's hard to grasp that someone can be attracted to both sexes. Some people who are straight like to call themselves bi to shock others, while some gay people might identify as bi in order to sound more normal, etc. and that causes some confusion.

A lot of people in the gay community are very adamant that bisexuals don't exist, especially with men, for whatever reason.

SecretMoblin said:
I think it's probably an extension of society's views on bisexuality; gays are a part of the society they live in, after all. And pretty much everybody I've discussed the issue with - gay, lesbian, straight, whatever - pretty much thinks it either doesn't exist or it's so rare that most self-proclaimed bisexuals are lying. In truth, a lot of gay guys use bisexuality as a stepping stone, presumably so they can "get away" with saying they're still attracted to women.

I don't really like talking about it, but I call myself 'gay' despite having had sex with more women than men and enjoying vaginal sex. As cliché as it sounds, I really don't care about "identity" or using a word or a label to describe who or what I am. I do what I feel comfortable doing, and I'm completely happy. But literally every single time I've mentioned my experience with women, I end up in a pointless discussion where everyone tries to figure me out, calls me bisexual or gay but bi-curious with a homocentric yadda yadda yadda. I just don't really care.

So "gay" - for me, at least - is just easier to deal with.
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Not to do what other people have done and try to figure you out, but do you still have sex with women? And why is gay easier than bi to deal with? You mean, like, just having to explain to others about your orientation, it's easier to just say you're gay?
 
Not that being bi is harder than being gay, but it's a hell of a lot tougher to explain, because some people literally just cannot fathom being attracted to both sexes. It's really weird.
 
Obsessed said:
Kind of off topic here, but why are bisexuals often treated poorly by the gay community?
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I think that what people look down is not a person that is bisexual; but more like those that use "bisexuality" as an excuse for been ..well, who they are. In those cases; for them been bisexual means basically having long-term relationships with women; even the possibility of getting married and have kids....while having sex with men around.

Others; is the fear of been stood up by someone of the opposite sex. Like a guy's going out with another guy, everything's fine; then said guy meets a girl and leaves the guy for that girl.

In the end, I think is more about personal bias more than actual hate or rejection. Heck; is the same way that gay men are seen as not believing in monogamy and only interested in sex. Not every man/woman cheats, not every gay man is not interested in relationships, not every bisexual man/woman goes around flip-flopping whenever they want to.

Though, yeah..some act as if "bisexuality" doesn't exists and laugh at it.


Oh, and on the topic of midnight launches..yep. Hate going to them, because I usually go alone and there are always too many good looking guys playing videogames..which makes me feel bad and sad. :p

And agree!! Crumpet Trumpet's damn nice :)
 
RatskyWatsky said:
Not to do what other people have done and try to figure you out, but do you still have sex with women? And why is gay easier than bi to deal with? You mean, like, just having to explain to others about your orientation, it's easier to just say you're gay?
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Yes, I still have sex with women. To be very clear, though, I don't lie to them; I make absolutely certain they know I'm much more attracted to men and I consider myself gay. It's not like I sleep around, though. If a female friend and I are at home and we're watching a movie or something and things progress from there, why not? I enjoy it.

And yeah, I basically just say I'm gay because it's easiest for others to take. Everyone knows what "gay" is, and I don't have to go any further than that. If I start suggesting that maybe things are a bit more complex than that, then it always, always opens up a discussion that is either annoying and pointless or angry. I don't have many gay friends, but a very close friend once got extremely emotional (red-faced, teary-eyed) and suggested that I was "hurting" gays by sleeping with women. I just use the word to avoid conflict, basically.

Sai-kun said:
Not that being bi is harder than being gay, but it's a hell of a lot tougher to explain, because some people literally just cannot fathom being attracted to both sexes. It's really weird.
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This, exactly.
 
Sai-kun said:
Not that being bi is harder than being gay, but it's a hell of a lot tougher to explain, because some people literally just cannot fathom being attracted to both sexes. It's really weird.
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Truth, probably because it isn't as well defined as being gay or straight. What makes it worse is the notion of having to be 50/50.

cory. said:
Or any other fraction.
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Yeah, fuck fractions.
 
It's time for the semi-annual bisexuality in the gay community discussion
 
neojubei said:
That's the age gay men retire and no one looks at them anymore.
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LOL yeah, no.

MidnightScott said:
I know you are all gonna call me a hypocrite after what I pulled (was it a year ago? I don't remember)

But I'm going to a movie with a guy during the weekend. I figure this will be the true test to see if I'm truly gay or just bi. I know that seems sudden but I think I need to do this for myself because I am constantly thinking about it.
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If you're attracted to a guy either in porn or in real life, then at the very least you are bi. Why complicate things that are not complicated? Maybe I'm just weird but the first time I realized I don't really like girl I didn't have that much issue despite my Catholic upbringing. I used to date girls too. I just shrugged it off and went "Oh that makes sense considering what I felt in the past".
 
SecretMoblin said:
Yes, I still have sex with women. To be very clear, though, I don't lie to them; I make absolutely certain they know I'm much more attracted to men and I consider myself gay. It's not like I sleep around, though. If a female friend and I are at home and we're watching a movie or something and things progress from there, why not? I enjoy it.

And yeah, I basically just say I'm gay because it's easiest for others to take. Everyone knows what "gay" is, and I don't have to go any further than that. If I start suggesting that maybe things are a bit more complex than that, then it always, always opens up a discussion that is either annoying and pointless or angry. I don't have many gay friends, but a very close friend once got extremely emotional (red-faced, teary-eyed) and suggested that I was "hurting" gays by sleeping with women. I just use the word to avoid conflict, basically.
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Ah, gotcha.
 
Probably just me off living in my secluded, naive little existence, but it's kinda disappointing seeing people need to misrepresent themselves for simplicity's sake just because people aren't comfortable with or can't understand non-binary concepts.

I mean, I prefer women (if I had to put some kind of arbitrary number to it, I'd probably say it's a 70/30 split), but I wouldn't say I'm straight.
 
Box of Bunnies said:
Probably just me off living in my secluded, naive little existence, but it's kinda disappointing seeing people need to misrepresent themselves for simplicity's sake just because people aren't comfortable with or can't understand non-binary concepts.

I mean, I prefer women (if I had to put some kind of arbitrary number to it, I'd probably say it's a 70/30 split), but I wouldn't say I'm straight.
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It's a pain in the ass explaining to people that I like both men and women. Maybe the people I know are stupid, but some people just don't get it.
 
Sai-kun said:
It's a pain in the ass explaining to people that I like both men and women. Maybe the people I know are stupid, but some people just don't get it.
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Yeah, I understand why you do it. The disappointment was with other people generally and the fact that society is still at a point where you guys feel it necessary to do so.
 
Sai-kun said:
It's a pain in the ass explaining to people that I like both men and women. Maybe the people I know are stupid, but some people just don't get it.
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It can be difficult for people to conceptualize how that divides your attention, and thats if they can get the basic concept in the first place. I'm not even sure I could explain it myself.
 
HappyPuppy said:
Conversation I had with the guy I'm dating while we were kissing.

And that's how I started a relationship on September 19. Hopefully we can build something constructive. That was a great day, glad I skipped my class.
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Sounds great, duder. Hope it keeps on being awesome for you!
 
DSFan1970 said:
Yes that is the plan. For reals. It would be our first house, but I am not so concerned about my partner re engaging this asshole, but that the knowledge he is so close.
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I'd also recommend not moving there. Best way to deal with temptation is to remove it entirely. If you can afford to wait, should talk about selling it and get a house elsewhere together. I understand there may be other factors, but I think it warrants a discussion for the health of your relationship.

By the same token, you should seriously consider severing ties with the object of your lust. Since you expressed earlier that emotional cheating is so much worse, what you're doing is dangerously close to crossing that line. Either break up with your husband and go for it or remain faithful and drop contact with that guy. Anything else would make you no better than what your man had done to you.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
 
I think the main thing that you should do is talk with your husband about the decrease in the frequency of sex and the doubts you might have in your relationships.

12 years is a long time that make it worth working through rough patches, but at the same time it shouldn't make you stay with him in a romantic relationship if it has run its course.
 
I will discuss this with my husband. We still love each other, that love has never died. We would die foe each other. The problem is that we are not sexual compatible. I want it every night, he wants it maybe once a week. I did research into this and this is normal especially after an long time together. I am still very sexual and he is less so. He never initiates. If i mention hey lets have sex he is tired or the timing is not right for me. It is usually like once a week deal. So anyway I need an outlet. I am sure my partner j/o s without me to porn, and I am ok with that as long as it does not effect our sex life. There is also another iissue which ties into my husbands affair and that is I always felt, correctly, that he goes out of his way for other people, friends both gay and straight that he has crushes on ( that I suspect he does; he denies), like birthday gifts etc that it always hurt me that he took me for granted by doing more for them than he did for me. That is how I suspect something was going on with the guy who he was cheating with. Like i said I am going to have a discussion soon with my hubby about this all. I like honesty so I am gonna be honest with him. Well see what happens. As for the house, the circumstances regarding it dictate we need to move in or else the whole family takes it over (another story).

Thank you again, writing this from phone
 
DSFan1970 said:
I will discuss this with my husband. We still love each other, that love has never died. We would die foe each other. The problem is that we are not sexual compatible. I want it every night, he wants it maybe once a week. I did research into this and this is normal especially after an long time together. I am still very sexual and he is less so. He never initiates. If i mention hey lets have sex he is tired or the timing is not right for me. It is usually like once a week deal. So anyway I need an outlet. I am sure my partner j/o s without me to porn, and I am ok with that as long as it does not effect our sex life. There is also another iissue which ties into my husbands affair and that is I always felt, correctly, that he goes out of his way for other people, friends both gay and straight that he has crushes on ( that I suspect he does; he denies), like birthday gifts etc that it always hurt me that he took me for granted by doing more for them than he did for me. That is how I suspect something was going on with the guy who he was cheating with. Like i said I am going to have a discussion soon with my hubby about this all. I like honesty so I am gonna be honest with him. Well see what happens. As for the house, the circumstances regarding it dictate we need to move in or else the whole family takes it over (another story).

Thank you again, writing this from phone
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Personally I do not think I can be in a relationship if my partner and I are sexually mismatched. I'm the type that would want to do it 3 times a day if possible, on vacation 5 times a day.

You should talk to him and let him know how you feel.
 
Simply depressed, stressed and lonely lately. Practicum has been so far horrible to me in terms of social life.

7am at college til 5 pm then arrive at my house at 6, eat, watch news and sleep.

I guess the not getting paid part is the difference without work and I know money would make me not feel like this. I do enjoy a lot what I do but I feel ending up tired and most of the time I'm left at my desk looking at the computer because my work is done early. (They kinda baby sit us I guess)

I haven't been chatting much with my bf lately since I'm exhausted and busy while he is kinda making preparations for an event he is gonna celebrate over his place.


Now I'm just waiting to the next day to come and just hoping to finish everything and start learning programming by myself and then get a work

This beginning has made me feel pretty pathetic.
 
MidnightScott said:
Great, the guy just informed me that some chick is staying at his families house and that she will be coming with us. -_-;
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Sorry to hear that although it's not the first time I hear this kind of story. I never understand why a guy will bring someone else to a potential date, I mean. It's not like he's going to investigate Jack the Ripper and may not come back in one piece. He's only going on a date.

In a less serious note, there are so many hot guys in my gym now. I feel like a kid at candy store, down to the part where I'm drooling but can't have the candy because they're probably straight anyway.
 
Replicant said:
Sorry to hear that although it's not the first time I hear this kind of story. I never understand why a guy will bring someone else to a potential date, I mean. It's not like he's going to investigate Jack the Ripper and may not come back in one piece. He's only going on a date.

In a less serious note, there are so many hot guys in my gym now. I feel like a kid at candy store, down to the part where I'm drooling but can't have the candy because they're probably straight anyway.
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I bet you anything some of them are thinking exactly this.
 
Hey guys this is a pic of me with my boyfriend in New York City for our 6th anniversary celebration, I'm the one on the left.

1zx1ops.jpg


Bonus pic of a random hot husky bearded New Yorker we saw near Central Park, men in NYC are a tourist attraction themselves IMO:

t83hc2.jpg
 
Oh well I got an update from him, he is trying to see what the plans are now for this weekend.
He sent me a pic of him...in just his underwear. OMFG HOT!!!
 
MidnightScott said:
Oh well I got an update from him, he is trying to see what the plans are now for this weekend.
He sent me a pic of him...in just his underwear. OMFG HOT!!!
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Share the goods!!
 
Is it wrong to use other people's photos on dating websites? Whenever I use my real photo I get no replies but when i use someone else's I get tons of replies.

Sigh im depressed I'm going to max out my express card.
 
MidnightScott said:
Oh well I got an update from him, he is trying to see what the plans are now for this weekend.
He sent me a pic of him...in just his underwear. OMFG HOT!!!
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Glad to hear you're a bit more relaxed about this now. Just take it slow and don't rush into things. If it doesn't work with him, there are many other fish guys in the ocean.
 
Does any other guy get somewhat annoyed when women gravitate towards you just because your gay, and think they can 'kiki' with you? I'm kind of a manly man. I don't vogue, I am not the most fashionable (Though i am stylish), and I'd rather play Marvel vs Capcom than go to the club. I hate doing dishes, cleaning, and decorating. Yet girls will 'find out' about me and either be upset that they can't have me or send me random messages like "Hey boo! bla bla bla let me tell you bout this bitch bla bla bla here are my man problems".

And the worst is when they start telling me about their best friend who is some gay queen, or start asking questions like "Top or bottom" or try to hook me up with some gay monster.

Anyone else experience this? I dont know if this is the best place for this, but this has happened SOOO MUCH in the last few weeks it is driving me insane.
 
The Abominable Snowman said:
Does any other guy get somewhat annoyed when women gravitate towards you just because your gay, and think they can 'kiki' with you? I'm kind of a manly man. I don't vogue, I am not the most fashionable (Though i am stylish), and I'd rather play Marvel vs Capcom than go to the club. I hate doing dishes, cleaning, and decorating. Yet girls will 'find out' about me and either be upset that they can't have me or send me random messages like "Hey boo! bla bla bla let me tell you bout this bitch bla bla bla here are my man problems".

And the worst is when they start telling me about their best friend who is some gay queen, or start asking questions like "Top or bottom" or try to hook me up with some gay monster.

Anyone else experience this? I dont know if this is the best place for this, but this has happened SOOO MUCH in the last few weeks it is driving me insane.
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So far no but situations like this always remind me of these videos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mvPFxmkvL8&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL
 
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