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Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|

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Pupi18 said:
Lets bring what happened.

Well on facebook I posted a video of X-men Destiny. I basically was talking about how bad the game looks and how the game doesn't look fun to play. All the people seemed to Agree that the game was crap except one person. My Boyfriend... He got online on MSN and told me I was trash talking someone's work and that it wasn't fair. He told me that he doesn't get Bayonetta which he considers a big pile of shit that plays like Xmen but better looking (loooool). I didn't overreacted and I simply said I didn't agree with his opinion and told him that he is doing exactly was he said I was doing and he said whatever and we haven't talked since that.

Today is the 2 day without talking. If he is really gonna be like that I guess as much as I love him thing might come to an end. This is the first big problem I think I have seen with him and is a big problem because he simply overreacted and started calling me and the people on the post overcritical over the game, then he gets overcritical on msn and storms out and post something on FB about not dealing with BS anymore. I'm truly laughing and confused at the same time.

Imagine if I speak my mind on FF13 which is his favorite game and that game bores me to death. I think he would simply break up and send me hate emails. XD

Well since no one will really say anything about it like most of the time I guess is just a get vent that no one will reply.

Have fun gaffers.
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Honestly, that sounds really inane... I'd just call him and explain to him how pointless this "argument" is. If he doesn't seem to want to fix things, then well...you know what to do.
 
fernoca said:
Well, try calling him or something to see what he's up to. If he doesn't answer...Sorry, but he sounds really childish if he behaves like that.... heck because of X-Men Destiny (of all games).


If you want me to, I can post that Final Fantasy XIII sucks in you wall to see if he reacts. :p
Click to expand...

We only talk through msn and skype. (Long distance afterall and I'm a cheap bastard too)
Don't post FFXIII sucks, that would be hilarious but no. LOL

I left him a wall post checking if he was alright since he wasn't online at all and hoping he was having fun. You know showing that I care and so far no response but maybe he has no internet since sometimes he has problems with connection. (still it will look suspicious at this moment)

I'll see what happens and if he breaks up with me or have another silly fight like that maybe one lucky gaffer can get me XD


ciD_Vain said:
Honestly, that sounds really inane... I'd just call him and explain to him how pointless this "argument" is. If he doesn't seem to want to fix things, then well...you know what to do.
Click to expand...

I'm trying to contact him the ways I can and nothing so far. I know what to do obviously since I don't need to tolerate such things. I can understand him getting mad at me if I made ethnics jokes or bad opinions of ethnics but videogames... I love videogames and probably more than him (he is says he isnt so much into VG lately) and I dont overreact like that. He reminded me a bit of the guy of threatened to stab me for saying something about Kojima writing not being of my liking and joking about it. I know some people are fans and all but they need to know what is important and what not. -_-

Sorry for writing so much.
 
Pupi18 said:
Lets bring what happened.

Well on facebook I posted a video of X-men Destiny. I basically was talking about how bad the game looks and how the game doesn't look fun to play. All the people seemed to Agree that the game was crap except one person. My Boyfriend... He got online on MSN and told me I was trash talking someone's work and that it wasn't fair. He told me that he doesn't get Bayonetta which he considers a big pile of shit that plays like Xmen but better looking (loooool). I didn't overreacted and I simply said I didn't agree with his opinion and told him that he is doing exactly was he said I was doing and he said whatever and we haven't talked since that.

Today is the 2 day without talking. If he is really gonna be like that I guess as much as I love him thing might come to an end. This is the first big problem I think I have seen with him and is a big problem because he simply overreacted and started calling me and the people on the post overcritical over the game, then he gets overcritical on msn and storms out and post something on FB about not dealing with BS anymore. I'm truly laughing and confused at the same time.

Imagine if I speak my mind on FF13 which is his favorite game and that game bores me to death. I think he would simply break up and send me hate emails. XD

Well since no one will really say anything about it like most of the time I guess is just a get vent that no one will reply.

Have fun gaffers.
Click to expand...

Is he always like this? Maybe something is going on in his life that could be causing him to act this way? If so, and if not, respectively, then dump him. He sounds very childish.
 
RatskyWatsky said:
Is he always like this? Maybe something is going on in his life that could be causing him to act this way? If so, and if not, respectively, then dump him. He sounds very childish.
Click to expand...

Funny thing is that after 6 months of everything good just because of the Xmen stuff he acted all silly. I really wanna see if he gets online this weekend. If he doesnt get online this weekend or shows that he is still mad about it and not trying to fix things I'll call things over as much as it might hurt me.
 
@Pupi18 Maybe he has deeper issues and this was some sort of boiling point? Sometimes pressure adds up and once there's an "excuse", people tend to use it to make a point, even if it doesn't really help their agenda. I must admit I've gotten upset over petty things before, and my boyfriend has always helped me to see the deeper problem, that was under the thin layer of the initial outburst or anger. Has he been okay at work/school? Maybe problems at home?

I'm possibly reading too much into it, and he's likely just very childish, but it's worth approaching it carefully with a call/meet up.

@sphinx I see nothing wrong with what happened. It's okay if you felt flattered, and of course, it's only natural. Just don't let it go over your head, as it's easy to start fantasizing and maybe your boyfriend wouldn't understand that. What I don't understand is, are you giving him permission in hopes he gives you permission in return? Because then I could see why he would have a problem with that.

In my opinion, having an open relationship is pretty hard, and both have to have full t(h)rust of the love of their partner. Also, you if you agree to this, you should set some limits or perimeters; condom, oral, anal, kissing or not. If you both can agree on that, I see no problem, after all, you're 2 mature adults.
 
Sofo said:
@Pupi18 Maybe he has deeper issues and this was some sort of boiling point? Sometimes pressure adds up and once there's an "excuse", people tend to use it to make a point, even if it doesn't really help their agenda. I must admit I've gotten upset over petty things before, and my boyfriend has always helped me to see the deeper problem, that was under the thin layer of the initial outburst or anger. Has he been okay at work/school? Maybe problems at home?

I'm possibly reading too much into it, and he's likely just very childish, but it's worth approaching it carefully with a call/meet up.
Click to expand...

We were having a nice conversation before reading that and he kinda snapped out of the calmed stuff. (He said everything was alright and he was just chilling) I wish he only tried to talk about it without getting the way he did. If he had a bad day I usually try to cheer him on or leave him the space he wants. But we'll see what happens. I really hope we fix this little silly argument.
 
Pupi18 said:
We were having a nice conversation before reading that and he kinda snapped out of the calmed stuff. (He said everything was alright and he was just chilling) I wish he only tried to talk about it without getting the way he did. If he had a bad day I usually try to cheer him on or leave him the space he wants. But we'll see what happens. I really hope we fix this little silly argument.
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Well, if he's the only one mad about this, don't let him be on the "not talking" mood for much longer. Try to approach him, make him see that it's not okay to disregard his opinions (though I don't think you did, you simply have a different view about it) but that at the same time, he shouldn't do the same. That neither of you have to have identical perspectives on the same stuff, and that if anything, talking things out is way better than simply holding your tongue out of anger/frustration. Anyway, best of luck! Hope he also man ups a bit, because from what you say, doesn't look like there's an underlying issue to excuse him.
 
Hi guys,

Anyone have good tips on how to stop crushes? There's a new guy at work who is hot, well educated, understanding, and fun to talk to. He's also way out of my league and kinda-sorta a subordinate. He doesn't look interested. Coming out at work is not an option (tried it before in college anyways). I'm a grown man, and it's frustrating to deal with these emotions that I should not have to deal with. I mean, come on, why am I worrying if he is going to sit at my table or not?!? Or analyzing the situation if he smiles and says "hi"?!? And this ridiculous blushing. I admit that there is a bit of an emotional rush, but this needs to stop.
 
videogamer said:
Hi guys,

Anyone have good tips on how to stop crushes? There's a new guy at work who is hot, well educated, understanding, and fun to talk to. He's also way out of my league and kinda-sorta a subordinate. He doesn't look interested. Coming out at work is not an option (tried it before in college anyways). I'm a grown man, and it's frustrating to deal with these emotions that I should not have to deal with. I mean, come on, why am I worrying if he is going to sit at my table or not?!? Or analyzing the situation if he smiles and says "hi"?!? And this ridiculous blushing. I admit that there is a bit of an emotional rush, but this needs to stop.
Click to expand...
Well, welcome to ...every day of my life.
Were basically, every guy that smiles at me = OMG, maybe he's interested in me!! What to say?!?! What to do?!! Wait, why's he not talking to me today? OMG!!!! :O!!!

:p

But, well; guess you learn to live with it.
In my case, same way I have this "crushes"; I also recognize the fact that it's just that. I quickly assume they're straight and married (or with girlfriends) usually 99% right, the 1% that is actually gay; is already in a relationship.

So; well..there's no way to "stop it". Just think of it as just that; a crush or day-dreaming, fantasy, etc. :p
 
I agree with fernoca, there's no real way of "stopping" them, but if you don't fantasize about them, it also helps. I had serious crushes when I was 16~19, and I learned to just calm down. Granted it still happens nowadays from time to time (rarely), even while having a partner. It's just a matter of attraction and I don't think it goes away, ever!
 
videogamer said:
Hi guys,

Anyone have good tips on how to stop crushes? There's a new guy at work who is hot, well educated, understanding, and fun to talk to. He's also way out of my league and kinda-sorta a subordinate. He doesn't look interested. Coming out at work is not an option (tried it before in college anyways). I'm a grown man, and it's frustrating to deal with these emotions that I should not have to deal with. I mean, come on, why am I worrying if he is going to sit at my table or not?!? Or analyzing the situation if he smiles and says "hi"?!? And this ridiculous blushing. I admit that there is a bit of an emotional rush, but this needs to stop.
Click to expand...
You know in cases like this, I tend to try to befriend the person. This way you can learn more about him and either get a hint or know for sure whether he is gay/straight/bi. Of course if he is straight, then there's no point in pursuing him as a crush, so keeping him as a friend is the next best thing right? The only problem with this is that you might get a lot more attached to him by knowing more about him; it'll be more of a problem if he ends up being straight and you still can't get him out of your head.
 
Sofo said:
Well, if he's the only one mad about this, don't let him be on the "not talking" mood for much longer. Try to approach him, make him see that it's not okay to disregard his opinions (though I don't think you did, you simply have a different view about it) but that at the same time, he shouldn't do the same. That neither of you have to have identical perspectives on the same stuff, and that if anything, talking things out is way better than simply holding your tongue out of anger/frustration. Anyway, best of luck! Hope he also man ups a bit, because from what you say, doesn't look like there's an underlying issue to excuse him.
Click to expand...

Thanks lets see what happens.
 
videogamer said:
Coming out at work is not an option (tried it before in college anyways). I'm a grown man
Click to expand...

This needs elaboration, because unless you're working for Fred Phelps, it's a pretty ridiculous and sad statement.
 
videogamer said:
Hi guys,

Anyone have good tips on how to stop crushes? There's a new guy at work who is hot, well educated, understanding, and fun to talk to. He's also way out of my league and kinda-sorta a subordinate. He doesn't look interested. Coming out at work is not an option (tried it before in college anyways). I'm a grown man, and it's frustrating to deal with these emotions that I should not have to deal with. I mean, come on, why am I worrying if he is going to sit at my table or not?!? Or analyzing the situation if he smiles and says "hi"?!? And this ridiculous blushing. I admit that there is a bit of an emotional rush, but this needs to stop.
Click to expand...
How do you know he's not gay or bisexual though? You never know he could feel the same stuff about you.

How does one find out someone else likes guys?
 
Cosmic Bus said:
This needs elaboration, because unless you're working for Fred Phelps, it's a pretty ridiculous and sad statement.
Click to expand...
You know, it's strange. The first few days I work somewhere are really crucial as to whether I'll come out there or not. There seems to be a window of opportunity in the beginning to get the sexual orientation thing out of the way. If you still haven't told them after that, or it hasn't come up yet, it becomes more difficult for me to come out. Then I just keep a low profile. Don't ask me how or why though. There have been jobs where everyone knows I'm gay from the getgo, and others where I don't tell and stay a little silent on the subject of girlfriends or "sexy girls" or whatever.

These were all temporary jobs though. I can't see myself working somewhere for years and not being out to my co-workers.
 
videogamer said:
Hi guys,

Anyone have good tips on how to stop crushes?
Click to expand...
*exits lurking hole*

I don't know of there's a way. At least I've had little luck ignoring my crushes.

The hardest part is that you end up overthinking every action or gesture he makes as a sign he's in to you, which only makes it more painful if you realize they arent interested.

Also, sitting on the sidelines for so long makes any attempt at making a move even harder.
 
videogamer said:
Hi guys,

Anyone have good tips on how to stop crushes? There's a new guy at work who is hot, well educated, understanding, and fun to talk to. He's also way out of my league and kinda-sorta a subordinate. He doesn't look interested. Coming out at work is not an option (tried it before in college anyways). I'm a grown man, and it's frustrating to deal with these emotions that I should not have to deal with. I mean, come on, why am I worrying if he is going to sit at my table or not?!? Or analyzing the situation if he smiles and says "hi"?!? And this ridiculous blushing. I admit that there is a bit of an emotional rush, but this needs to stop.
Click to expand...

Hmm... this is tricky.

I've had crushes and I never really got over them until I stopped seeing the person on a daily basis.
 
Has anyone had any experience as a counselor?

I just sort of quit my counselorship at a local LGBTQ center. It feels like I just broke up with 7 different horrible relationships. The stories I could tell...

I was only in that role from Feb/March but as of last week, I couldn't take it anymore. Today was my absolute last day. We had pizza :)
 
fernoca said:
So...what's stopping you? I'm waiting! :p
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There are SOOO many stories i honestly don't really know where to begin. the other counselors and I talked to pretty large-ish groups at a time, frequently changing but I kind of grew closer to a specific few, and very close to 4 whom I'd at this point consider friends.
 
The Abominable Snowman said:
There are SOOO many stories i honestly don't really know where to begin. the other counselors and I talked to pretty large-ish groups at a time, frequently changing but I kind of grew closer to a specific few, and very close to 4 whom I'd at this point consider friends.
Click to expand...

So? Get started, but I'd worry about Patient-Therapist confidentiality on some of this.
 
Alcoori said:
Well, you can't have you cake and eat it too.
Click to expand...

Yes you can! In only a few easy steps!

1. Ask them to help you with a psychology study.

2. Hook them to that machine that shows brain activity. (MRI?)

3. Show them gay pornographic pictures.

4. Look for signs of arousal in the brain.

That is what I do whenever I want to find out if some guy I am interested in is gay.
 
Thanks for the advice guys. I'm glad that you guys are there to help me think out this issue. And vent.

Sofo: Yeah I try to avoid fantasizing, and this usually helps.

fernoca said:
Well, welcome to ...every day of my life.
Were basically, every guy that smiles at me = OMG, maybe he's interested in me!! What to say?!?! What to do?!! Wait, why's he not talking to me today? OMG!!!! :O!!!
Click to expand...
Seriously! He sat at the table next to mine, and my face stayed flush throughout lunch. I find myself (unconsciously?) accentuating my gay mannerisms. Makes no sense. At all.

ciD_Vain said:
You know in cases like this, I tend to try to befriend the person. This way you can learn more about him and either get a hint or know for sure whether he is gay/straight/bi. Of course if he is straight, then there's no point in pursuing him as a crush, so keeping him as a friend is the next best thing right? The only problem with this is that you might get a lot more attached to him by knowing more about him; it'll be more of a problem if he ends up being straight and you still can't get him out of your head.
Click to expand...
I should try this. There's no way I can avoid not meeting him, and hopefully, I can find enough unpleasant features about him that this goes away.
For example, he did not flush the toilet totally after using #2... I try to think of this to counteract any pleasant thoughts
. You are right that this could backfire and get me to like him more. He's gay for sure-- the guy is pretty feminine (and I'm not usually into feminine guys), and it is common knowledge that he is gay.

Cosmic Bus said:
This needs elaboration, because unless you're working for Fred Phelps, it's a pretty ridiculous and sad statement.
Click to expand...
My job is gay friendly. There are several out gay guys at work, and there is no animosity or obvious prejudice against them. My problem with coming out is that no one keeps it a secret anymore. I came out in college to a few friends. A few weeks later a friend in that circle of friends asked me what kinds of guys I like. WTF! They don't forget that you're gay either. There are few secrets at work--if I made any moves, everyone would know.

betweenthewheels said:
*exits lurking hole*

I don't know of there's a way. At least I've had little luck ignoring my crushes.

The hardest part is that you end up overthinking every action or gesture he makes as a sign he's in to you, which only makes it more painful if you realize they arent interested.

Also, sitting on the sidelines for so long makes any attempt at making a move even harder.
Click to expand...
Hi fellow lurker. I don't think he's into me, and he probably has his choice of guys. But it's hard not to wonder in that split second when he says hi. He's a friendly person toward everyone at work.
 
Obsessed said:
Mind != soul.

If your goal is to simplify things for people you shouldn't use a poorly defined concept that varies between person and culture.
Click to expand...

Yes mind, behavior and soul are interchangeable in psychology but I will continue to use soul cause that's the term I fell in love with and it's what psych actually means. It's abstract and varies from person but that's what it studies.

So I spent another day with my boyfriend, everyday I spent with him I can feel little by little how I care more about him and how our relationship grows. Such a wonderful feeling. I'm also learning stuff about my body with him and hopefully soon enough I'll learn about my soul (self).
 
HappyPuppy said:
Yes mind, behavior and soul are interchangeable in psychology but I will continue to use soul cause that's the term I fell in love with and it's what psych actually means. It's abstract and varies from person but that's what it studies.

So I spent another day with my boyfriend, everyday I spent with him I can feel little by little how I care more about him and how our relationship grows. Such a wonderful feeling. I'm also learning stuff about my body with him and hopefully soon enough I'll learn about my soul (self).
Click to expand...

Something about this sentence is both profound and odd.
 
videogamer said:
My problem with coming out is that no one keeps it a secret anymore. I came out in college to a few friends. A few weeks later a friend in that circle of friends asked me what kinds of guys I like. WTF! They don't forget that you're gay either. There are few secrets at work--if I made any moves, everyone would know.
Click to expand...

Can't go through life selectively being gay because you're worried someone could indirectly find out or that you'll be among the gossip mill topics for an afternoon. Own who you are or don't.
 
So my boyfriend probably just took off on his plane to Washington! :c
He's going there with the school he works at, and even if I know it'll fly by, I can't help but feel that I already miss him! It's not so much the distance as it's the 6hours behind that he'll be! For now I've saved some vids on our shared Dropbox folder, so he can watch them (some naughty, some others more cute than naught)!. I guess that with these things and the emails, I won't get to feel his absence (or at least, I hope that!).

At times like this, I'm terribly glad Norway and Spain are on the same time frame!
 
Cosmic Bus said:
Can't go through life selectively being gay because you're worried someone could indirectly find out or that you'll be among the gossip mill topics for an afternoon. Own who you are or don't.
Click to expand...


Being out in the workplace sucks. I don't think i could handle it.

Botolf said:
I think you're getting the better end of the deal.
Click to expand...

Yeah i guess unfortunately a lot of their events are outside of Boston and I don't have a car. -something ive been planning on buying when i find a new job.
 
MidnightScott said:
Well I'm staying the night at the guys house. He just bought a bunch of pS3 games. Showed me Ico and No More Heroes
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On one hand, that's good to know. Have fun.
On the other..*ugh* ..PS3 "games". *insert fanboy troll here*.

:p
 
MidnightScott said:
Well I'm staying the night at the guys house. He just bought a bunch of pS3 games. Showed me Ico and No More Heroes
Click to expand...
Did he show you anything else? ;P

I hope you enjoy the night!
 
MidnightScott said:
Well I'm staying the night at the guys house. He just bought a bunch of pS3 games. Showed me Ico and No More Heroes
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k Bang him now then report back. K? Goodluck!

tumblr_ls16w3AqPq1qcaklso1_500.gif
 
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