Gay and Bisexual thread |OT2|Bears and Twinks and Otters. Oh My!
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lordfroakie
Member
p_xavier
Authorized Fister
Well my appointment is in late February, so quite far away. I'm just tired of fighting these days : drugs, work, love, sex. I just wanted to be a nice boy to someone, but I always get bad guys in the process and end up being hurt a lot.
1) Chances are they didn't really practice safe sex if they got it. there's a lot of reasons people would claim that even if it isn't true.
2) If you have HIV there are many different strains of it, and you can get multiple ones. Also, once you know, you generally need to tell people before you have sex otherwise you can face charges in many countries.
3) because of #2, most people will completely ignore you once you are HIV+ meaning that you'll be restricted to just those people who have it.
4) it's hardly inevitable. There are tons of gay people who have very active and healthy sex lives without contracting HIV. sure if you're idea of good sex involves needles and hooking up with random people in a back alley, it might be inevitable, but otherwise if you use condoms properly, you'll probably be fine.
Every gay man I've met considered unprotected oral sex as safe. Everyone thinks it's entirely safe but that's a myth, there is a low risk that's not negligible. It's also possible they're lying and did have unsafe sex a few times but they just don't want people to blame them for getting HIV.
it's only a matter of time if you are promiscuous, you don't have to be.
I'm also terrified of hiv, makes going out extremely difficult, but getting it on purpose just to don't feel anxious anymore is stupid.
p_xavier
Authorized Fister
I don't know about where you live but here, a third of all gay men are HIV carriers.
So you want to limit yourself to that third?
p_xavier
Authorized Fister
It's not about restriction, it's about feeling less anxious about my sexuality in general. Most guys I'm interested in are HIV+ anyways.
Mystic Theurge
Member
Ah paranoia.
If you're feeling that much anxiety, you should definitely seek counseling from a professional.
But here's what I try to thing about when I get paranoid. This might help you.
This world isn't perfect. Bad things may happen in the future. And when they happen, you'll deal with them. But they haven't happened yet, so there's no use obsessing.
This doesn't mean sticking your head in the sand, of course. Be vigilant in protecting yourself, however you must let fear drive away all your happiness.
Bel Marduk
Banned
Oh my god. That really sucks.. so sorry about that. Where are you where this happens all the time and was he a prostitute?
I wonder why. You are terribly naive if you believe that a significant portion of HIV positive people did not get it from unprotected sex. There are cases but they're very rare.
p_xavier
Authorized Fister
One of them got HIV from jerking of a guy, and he had a minor scratch on his hand.
excelforward
Member
(Meant to be a PM)
That's like jumping off a cliff to get over a fear of heights. You can either seek help for your anxiety problems or just put in the effort to avoid falling off that cliff instead of just jumping and making life worse for yourself.
Bel Marduk
Banned
Mostly closet cases do that.. always hated it.
Wanting to get HIV is idiotic and that's the nicest thing I'll say about it.
"Yes, I willingly want to be harshly discriminated inside an already small community and I want to get a deadly disease that will be a huge hit for my quality of life."
And all because you're single? HOLY COW this just blows my mind.
"Yes, I willingly want to be harshly discriminated inside an already small community and I want to get a deadly disease that will be a huge hit for my quality of life."
And all because you're single? HOLY COW this just blows my mind.
Rationality and clearness of mind don't come easily to the depressed. It's a state in which you are willing to do anything for short-term satisfaction without thinking of the horrible long-term effects.
excelforward
Member
So much of this. Seriously.
That is probably how he thinks he got it, but he likely got it another way. You seem pretty ignorant about HIV as well. I bet you think that the risk of transmission from contact with an HIV-infected needle is nearly 100%, right? It's less than 1% and the chance of getting it from jerking someone off with a scratch on your hand is much lower than that.
Getting HIV is the scariest thing I can imagine happening to me. I got tested back in November, and it was my first time getting tested. I was so happy that it came back negative.
Granted, I never did anything risky with anyone. The only two people I ever had anal sex with was done with protection and both were HIV negative.
As for oral sex... Well, I've done it without protection, and yes, all of that goes through your mind when you first get tested.
HIV is not an inevitability for someone who is safe and trusts their partner. However, so many people lie about their status which makes even dating someone fucking scary.
It's the main reason why I cannot find myself being promiscuous. That, and because I get emotionally hurt so, so easily.
Granted, I never did anything risky with anyone. The only two people I ever had anal sex with was done with protection and both were HIV negative.
As for oral sex... Well, I've done it without protection, and yes, all of that goes through your mind when you first get tested.
HIV is not an inevitability for someone who is safe and trusts their partner. However, so many people lie about their status which makes even dating someone fucking scary.
It's the main reason why I cannot find myself being promiscuous. That, and because I get emotionally hurt so, so easily.
p_xavier
Authorized Fister
I'm really sorry to discuss about my issues here, but I really need to vent out a bit.
I'm extremely, but extremely ridiculously afraid of dying. Since I turned 30, there's not a day that I haven't been anxious about it. I just can't accept the fact that I will be dead someday. My mindset is that every single thing I do on this Earth won't matter anyways.
I have a fantastic life, great friends, great job, great lifestyle. I have 4 degrees so I don't think I'm that stupid. But since last year ,it doesn't seem to matter anymore. I've been a downhill path since and doctors can't help me, nobody can really.
I've been out clubbing 3-4 times a week since, and that's coming from someone who didn't even drink. Most guys I frequent at theses places do drugs, and laugh me because I don't. The thing is if I start I know I'll probably won't get out of it alive. I've been out to orgies, leather parties and such. I always enjoyed kinky sex but it was usually with a bf.
So I'm aware that I'm not doing the right thing, but I just can't deal with it. It seems that I want to live every life in such an intense way, all of this because I just love life and don't want to die.
I'm extremely, but extremely ridiculously afraid of dying. Since I turned 30, there's not a day that I haven't been anxious about it. I just can't accept the fact that I will be dead someday. My mindset is that every single thing I do on this Earth won't matter anyways.
I have a fantastic life, great friends, great job, great lifestyle. I have 4 degrees so I don't think I'm that stupid. But since last year ,it doesn't seem to matter anymore. I've been a downhill path since and doctors can't help me, nobody can really.
I've been out clubbing 3-4 times a week since, and that's coming from someone who didn't even drink. Most guys I frequent at theses places do drugs, and laugh me because I don't. The thing is if I start I know I'll probably won't get out of it alive. I've been out to orgies, leather parties and such. I always enjoyed kinky sex but it was usually with a bf.
So I'm aware that I'm not doing the right thing, but I just can't deal with it. It seems that I want to live every life in such an intense way, all of this because I just love life and don't want to die.
i'd be very interested in seeing that specific statistic because I believe it's being misrepresented or misinterpreted.
there's never been a good estimate of the number of citizens in any country that are gay. the data that exists is often disputed for many good reasons. That makes it incredibly difficult to make such a claim.
Usually, you'll see something like "of the people tested in 20XX in YY cities, ZZ percent were MSMs" which is quite different from being X percent of all gays have HIV. we know these numbers very skewed, but they're the best that we have available. they only count tests from certain clinics which can skew the data. they help give us a rough idea of what's going on in certain communities, but it's really difficult to make generalizations based on those numbers.
krypt0nian
Banned
I have no fucking words for this nonsense. Self destruct somewhere else.
p_xavier
Authorized Fister
Same as unprotected anal sex which is much lower, but people got it anyways with sleeping with one guy.
The other friend I know is telling the truth because he's so OCD about getting something that I know he wouldn't do anything risky.
HIV is no virus T, you can't catch it by contact or even blood contact (in most cases when you don't have an open wound on your fingers)... and maan.. you are CRAZY please go and find a theratpist, buy a dog, go and invest more time with your nephews or something.. really, I'm not judging you, but I think you could find more reasons to live than dating.. I mean.. ... there are many other great things in this life and you want to make them all hard to you...
Don't even joke about that, bro.
Don't even joke about that, bro.
p_xavier
Authorized Fister
The exact numbers are known as they are kept in a registry, in Canada at least, but you are right about estimating the numbers of MSM.
Is this friend one of the people who does drugs?
krypt0nian
Banned
You don't need HIV. You need some significant therapy. I am not fucking kidding you.
Are you going to seek help, and talk to someone or not?
Are you going to seek help, and talk to someone or not?
p_xavier
Authorized Fister
No, he never has done drugs, he's an old friend from 2000.
You do seem to need some type of professional help. You're terrified of dying yet want to engage in things that are dangerous to your health. There are many ways to love life and feel exuberated without going off and getting HIV. Has there been anything that's happened to you in that last year that just caused you a downward spiral?I'm really sorry to discuss about my issues here, but I really need to vent out a bit.
I'm extremely, but extremely ridiculously afraid of dying. Since I turned 30, there's not a day that I haven't been anxious about it. I just can't accept the fact that I will be dead someday. My mindset is that every single thing I do on this Earth won't matter anyways.
I have a fantastic life, great friends, great job, great lifestyle. I have 4 degrees so I don't think I'm that stupid. But since last year ,it doesn't seem to matter anymore. I've been a downhill path since and doctors can't help me, nobody can really.
I've been out clubbing 3-4 times a week since, and that's coming from someone who didn't even drink. Most guys I frequent at theses places do drugs, and laugh me because I don't. The thing is if I start I know I'll probably won't get out of it alive. I've been out to orgies, leather parties and such. I always enjoyed kinky sex but it was usually with a bf.
So I'm aware that I'm not doing the right thing, but I just can't deal with it. It seems that I want to live every life in such an intense way, all of this because I just love life and don't want to die.
Or he can stay in here, talk things out and you can just ignore it?
that doesn't mean he's telling the truth. if he's not educated about it, he probably thinks he isn't doing something risky.
besides, so many people lie about how they get it because of social pressures. if you think he's OCD and pedantic about being safe, and he decides not to use a condom for something, then it changes your opinion of him. he can lie to you about it and make it seem like he's not stupid. there's so much negatively around HIV that people lie a lot about it.
p_xavier
Authorized Fister
I did, I have my doctor and a counsellor whom I have an appointment with in February. Your earlier comments were not nice, I'm really trying to get better the best I can for now.
Necromanti
Member
What do you want out of life? You can do things that matter.
no more RPJ for you?
you had a nice pic.and the bolded: assuming we are not talking about a guy coming in your mouth or face, how is liking skin a risk for possible HIV transmition?, saliva is very agressive against the HIV virus, chances of getting infected with oral are so low, that it may be easier to be struck by lightning than getting HIV that way.
from my circle of friends that have HIV all have admitted to have had unprotected anal at different points in their lives. that's pretty much it.
not to be disrespectful but your friends saying they don't know how they got it are a bit deluded.
EDIT: Not you friends!! I meant JeFf's!! lol
which exact numbers? it's impossible for them to know them with any certainty because it's all based on self-report which is skewed from the start.
p_xavier
Authorized Fister
Well true, but seems it's out of a character even.
p_xavier
Authorized Fister
Test results are not self-reported by the individuals. There's an obligation to report the cases.
krypt0nian
Banned
Not nice? Do you want to hear the truth or be surrounded by people who are going to coddle you? No one here is qualified to give you anything more that obvious platitudes and seemingly helpful armchair shit.
You are long past message board therapy or support. What you said is self destructive on a fucking nuclear level. This is just like the rash of suicide threads from months past. This board is not suited for helping you.
Fuck anyone who doesn't like this. This guy is long past the point where you have any chance of making a difference, so don't pretend you're helping.
Jeff, like it or not, you need different therapists if their results thusfar have you at this place in your thinking.
I don't say these things to be Internet asshole. I care about people. Just like my suggestions for Meetup or self esteem or whatever.
Mystic Theurge
Member
Thanks for the suggestion!
If he's unable to move up any appointments, it's fine to wait as long as he has people around helping him stay stable.
As someone who has gone through depression, a helping hand to keep you from doing anything rash can make a huge difference.
p_xavier
Authorized Fister
Just turning 30. Well if you were told you're gonna die next week, would you live life at it's fullest potential? Your actions would't matter much, nihilism and all.
Also Jeffrey, if you get HIV at your age you still have a life expectancy of 75 years.
http://www.natap.org/2011/HIV/112811_03.htm
http://www.natap.org/2011/HIV/112811_03.htm
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