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[Matlock]

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=843920&page=1

"It's blood money that I don't want," Trant said. "I want my husband back."

I don't want it! Take it, corporate America!

 

[FrenchMovieTheme]

wait wtf? she is saying this AFTER she spent the $5 million??

i read the article and know that she lavished her friends with gifts but... oh well

 

[themadcowtipper]

"It's blood money that I don't want."

But she had no problem spending it

Fewer than four years after the attacks, she has blown through most of the money,

 

[dskillzhtown]

Sounds like she was just shop-a-holic who lived it up on the 'blood money'.

Now she wants people to feel sorry for her again.

 

[beerbelly]

I'll think before I post again.

 

[Willco]

No offense, but this is something that women with deep depression do. It's a real problem and it's as bad as alcoholism or drug addiction. This is from someone who knows.

 

[MC Safety]

No offense, but this is something that women with deep depression do. It's a real problem and it's as bad as alcoholism or drug addiction. This is from someone who knows.

Except...

Is it really a problem when you have $5 million of other people's money to spend?

 

[goodcow]

Fuck.

If only we could've gotten her to spend that $5 million through Amazon, and the GAF links.

 

[The Faceless Master]

there had to be something wrong with her to just spend all that money like that...

probably THE VIOLENT LOSS OF HER HUSBAND...

she probably couldn't cope and just kept spending money trying to make other people happy and live off their happiness because she was dead inside...

you know what they say, you can't buy happiness...

 

[Ninja Scooter]

they gave her $5 million? Firefighters make that much over a lifetime?

 

[Willco]

Except...

Is it really a problem when you have $5 million of other people's money to spend?

Yeah, it's a problem. Where the money comes from has nothing to do with it.

I have a loved one in AA because she had this exact problem and managed to make it worse with alcohol and suicidal tendencies. It happens when you're clinically depressed and this seems to pretty much be isolated to the female gender. Once she got in AA and I saw a few sessions, you realize that a lot of depressed women do the same exact thing.

They don't care where the money comes from, and they'll ruin their lives, jobs and family to keep buying and buying. I've heard of women getting credit cards to pay off other credit cards and using more credit cards to buy stuff they don't need.

That's usually the defining characteristic too, as they usually buy stuff that they don't even want and/or need. They'll buy a lot of gifts for others so people don't go, "Why are you spending this crap on yourself?" and then buy a ton of shit for themselves that they'll never use just because it makes them feel good to buy stuff.

It's a real problem. But a lot of people just laugh it off and go, "Those crazy bitches always buying stuff! Ha ha!"

 

[123rl]

She isn't the only person to lose a loved one. The only difference between her and most other people is that she was given millions of dollars to give her a secure future. Other people aren't that lucky. They have to do whatever ever they can just to continue surviving

I'm not sure why she's come forward. Should I feel sorry for her? I do, but no more than the thousands of other people who lost relatives because of 9/11

 

[Willco]

She isn't the only person to lose a loved one. The only difference between her and most other people is that she was given millions of dollars to give her a secure future. Other people aren't that lucky.

Assuming all people should react the same way is just stupid. She may very well have chemical imbalance issues that caused her to react this way, as a lot of people do. And instead of seeking help and getting medication, she bought shit and then bought more shit.

I'm not sure why she's come forward. Should I feel sorry for her? I do, but no more than the thousands of other people who lost relatives because of 9/11

Don't feel bad for her because she lost her husband during 9/11, just feel bad for her because she has a problem. She should be held responsible for squandering that money, but at the same time we should recogize she obviously needs help.

 

[goodcow]

they gave her $5 million? Firefighters make that much over a lifetime?

No, her husband worked as a stock trader, making $130,000 a year, plus tens of thousands in additional bonuses.

Heaven forbid they applied this same rule of income compensation to soliders.

 

[dskillzhtown]

I can agree she had a problem, but she always had the option to get help. Just like a drug addict, they are not going to get help unless they want to. She didn't want to. So I am not going to give her a free pass. 5 million is a ton of money.

 

[Willco]

I can agree she had a problem, but she always had the option to get help. Just like a drug addict, they are not going to get help unless they want to. She didn't want to. So I am not going to give her a free pass. 5 million is a ton of money.

I didn't say give her a free pass, just recognize she has a problem. And it's different from drug addiction, because compulsive shopping isn't recognized by the mainstream as a real disorder, despite being well documented in medical circles as a symptom of clinical depression. So a lot of people are ashamed, because they think they don't know they have a real problem.

 

[tedtropy]

You'd think by the fourth or fifth flat-screen TV she'd realize what's she's doing is a little bizzare. She could've at least honored the memory of her fallen husband by using some of that 5 fricken' million to aid victims of 9/11 less fortunate than herself in the money department. You know, instead of buying BREAST IMPLANTS for her friends. I accept that she obviously has a problem and the death of her husband was devastating, but there's a point in there where she had to consciously realize the money could've been put to better use elsewhere. If she wanted to just throw away this "blood money", there were plenty of better channels.

 

[The Faceless Master]

She isn't the only person to lose a loved one. The only difference between her and most other people is that she was given millions of dollars to give her a secure future. Other people aren't that lucky. They have to do whatever ever they can just to continue surviving

I'm not sure why she's come forward. Should I feel sorry for her? I do, but no more than the thousands of other people who lost relatives because of 9/11

yeah, and alcoholics aren't the only people who drink alcohol... the only difference... you see?

 

[Willco]

You'd think by the fourth or fifth flat-screen TV she'd realize what's she's doing is a little bizzare. She could've at least honored the memory of her fallen husband by using some of that 5 fricken' million to aid victims of 9/11 less fortunate than herself in the money department. You know, instead of buying BREAST IMPLANTS for her friends. I accept that she obviously has a problem and the death of her husband was devastating, but there's a point in there where she had to consciously realize the money could've been put to better use elsewhere. If she wanted to just throw away this "blood money", there were plenty of better channels.

It's no different than alcoholics in denial about their problem. It's very similiar.

 

[Incognito]

steve gilliard wrote a few pieces on this phenomenon.

www.stevegillard.blogspot.com

This is framed as pissing money away when this is an extreme case of survivor's guilt. They aren't just spending money, they're trying to dispose of it. It's a form of reckleness one sees in veterans. I would not be surprised to see the mother or daughter attempt suicide. This is little different than the war widow who refuses to move her husband's things or picks up with his best friend. It's trauma in action.

Now it's easy to say "fuck it, we gave them money" But the money solved little. It created massive rifts between widows and those who husbands survived. Especially after the friemen dumped their wives for widows. That broke up friendships and made lasting enemies between people who had been close. Or the hidden families who came after the money when a man with a wife, maybe two or a long time girlfriend, had it revealed that he had more than one set of kids.

What people outside of New York don't get about 9/11 is the way it affected people, in very odd ways. One of the big fights within the school system has been over cellphones in the school. Parents have gone batshit when the chancellor said he was going to ban them. Jesus, that didn't go over well.

When people outside New York use 9/11 for cheap political points, people go nuts here, I know I do. Because it's ongoing tragedy, not just history. WHne Bernie Kerik was found to have used an apartment above Ground Zero for a love shack, the disgust was palatable. Judith Regan isn't moving to LA for no reason. Her New York pass has been suspended, if not revoked outright.

However, it's rarely spoken about. It's not a topic for casual conversation any more than seeing the dead bodies wash up on Omaha Beach was something grandpa chatted about over dinner. It just comes up at the oddest times and places. You'll be in a bar and someone will say something, or pass by a firehouse and see framed portraits and you never have to ask why they're there.

It's also part of the reason rebuilding has been stalled. No one really knows what to do. They want something up, but the issue is far from resolved.

In the last year or so, they've been buring fragments of people, identified by DNA. They had one of these funerals this week., of a firefighter.

I used to wonder why vets hated war movies or jumped at sounds.

I no longer wonder.

I do not watch 9/11 related shows. I don't read books about 9/11. Sunny, clear days still bother me. The only thing I can tolerate is Rescue Me, because everyone on that show is so fucked up and in pain, it makes sense. God, I wanted to indict Lionel Chetwynd for that noxious 9/11 movie about Bush being in charge. That fucking coward ran like Eddie Albert did in Attack. He hid for hours and now can't even face the dead of his adventure.

It took my mother four years to go to a movie after 9/11. She just didn't want to.

I know I avoid downtown as much as possible.

When Jen and I went down there to some gallery a couple of years ago, there were people selling postcards of the buildings on fire. Jesus fucking christ that was repellent. But the tourists ate it up. I can't imagine what kind of soulless monster would want that in their home, but people do.

So I'm not surprised to see the reaction of people differ. I'm hardly a soft touch, and normally, I would be disgusted by this family. But I know better. I know they would hand back that money in a second to find their father's body, forget getting him back. They'd burn the house down for that. People are skipping over the fact that this family doesn't have a bone fragment to bury. Just a massive void in their lives which $20m couldn't fill.

This is the tip of an iceberg. Far worse stories will come out over time. At least these people admit their need for help, There are people shut in, drinking themselves to death, barely connected to the world and deeply depressed, unable to get help because of this. That money will bring as much pain and tragedy as 9/11 did, unless people get healed.

both the mother and the daughter spent all the money.

 

[Willco]

That's a good piece. It's not just exclusive to 9/11 victims, as victims of traumatic events in general, especially women, will sometimes do this as a result of depression. Usually, you'll find money is not the only thing they're abusing, as it's usually coupled with drugs, alchol or both.

 

[tedtropy]

It's no different than alcoholics in denial about their problem. It's very similiar.

Yeah, but I suppose I justify being more upset at her because she was in a position to do a lot of good for alot of people. For those that don't have much, 5 million can go a long ways. I grant you, it was her money to do with as she pleased, but that's ridiculous.

 

[Willco]

Yeah, but I suppose I justify being more upset at her because she was in a position to do a lot of good for alot of people. For those that don't have much, 5 million can go a long ways. I grant you, it was her money to do with as she pleased, but that's ridiculous.

That's because you're a rational person. So am I. I could never imagine doing that. But for someone who is battling depression, and most likely a chemical imbalance that is only satisfied by the increased serotonin levels caused by compulsive shopping, this does not register. They're acting irrationally because they're not in a normal state of mind. She has a problem.

 

[tedtropy]

That's because you're a rational person. So am I. I could never imagine doing that. But for someone who is battling depression, and most likely a chemical imbalance that is only satisfied by the increased serotonin levels caused by compulsive shopping, this does not register. They're acting irrationally because they're not in a normal state of mind. She has a problem.

I spend far too many hours on this message board to meet any of the minimum clinical requirements for a rational being. Anyways, I acknowledge her problem, I just have difficulty pitying her for it. Guess that makes me insensitive. Or a member of GAF. Whichever...I'm hungry...

 

[Link1110]

If she didn't want the money, there's about 50,000 charities that woul dlove it. Now instead of blood money she has blood possessions. Those aren't bad?

 

[Aruarian Reflection]

So Trant spent $1.5 million to nearly triple the size of her suburban New York home. She spent $350,000 on the back yard, installing a full basketball court also equipped for volleyball, tennis and Rollerblading, a heated pool and a hot tub.

Where's the rolleyes smilie when you need it? I have no sympathy for this woman. Zero.

 

[Incognito]

It's as if people don't read. When you find yourself massively depressed, you'll be singing a different tune.

 

[aoi tsuki]

Granted, i didn't have five million, but when my dad died, i went through the same period of spending his insurance money to feel better. Spent some on gifts for others, dinners, crap for myself, and a lot of alcohol. i probably would've picked up a drug habit if i had a source. Depite the fact that i'm pretty rational otherwise, emotions can easily trump logic, especially in cases like the death of a loved one, and especially when you add the conditions of isolation, maladjustment (see below), and alcohol/drugs. If i had the kind of money that that woman had, i could see my spending rising exponentially as i tried to cope.

Also a piece of advice when you're going throught the loss of a loved one. DON'T MOVE OUT OF TOWN. It was a choice i made to help my mom at the time and i'd do it again, but when you're going through something that severe, the feeling of displacement only adds to your trauma.

 

[Loki]

Hah-- Believe it or not, a good friend of mine was dorm mates with this woman's daughter in college and we were JUST talking about this on the phone. She still keeps in touch with this woman's daughter, and my friend's best friend is very close with the daughter. I was stunned as she went through the story. Some more details:


- She went through not just $5M, but over $9M in the course of < 4 years. Her husband was a former Boston Celtics player for a year or so (according to my friend), and had friends in high places; one of these friends gave the wife $4M after the husband passed away. There were also other, smaller donations made according to my friend, which likely brought the total closer to $10M.


- According to her daughter (related to my friend's best friend), the mother expanded her house to over twice the size, but most of the money was spent on clothes and vacations. The first year, she brought 13 friends to Italy for a month.


- Her daughter (the one my friend dormed with) had $1.5M in a trust fund, which she gained access to at age 19. She now has ZERO money. All clothes and dinners and trips according to my friend-- nothing substantial that would build equity. She drives a Jeep Liberty. :lol


- Her two sons, age 13 and 14, each have $800K in trust funds which the mother cannot touch, but according to my friend, "she's trying." :lol



To me, THAT'S the messed up part-- that she's now trying to get her hands on her sons' trust funds after she pissed away nearly $10M of her own dough in 4 years. From what my friend told me about how this girl and her mother are (as people), you shouldn't feel too bad for them in terms of attributing their improvident spending to "depression" or anything of the sort. She says they were "always like that." Into the glamorous life and all. My friend (and her best friend) knew the girl and her family before 9/11, so they have some basis for their opinion.



I just got off the phone with my friend and turned on my computer to find a topic about one of the very things we were discussing. :lol Amusing.


EDIT: Seems that some of what I mentioned was written about in the linked article (which I hadn't read since I was stunned to see a topic about this right after getting off the phone about it, so I just went ahead and posted a reply ). Oh well.

 

[Alcibiades]

when my uncle died my aunt did the same thing with life insurance money, but she's got problems...

I don't approve, and I'm a big believer in personal responsibility, but some people just need "help"...

 

[ToxicAdam]

I came in here expecting a thread on Morphix.


I think you are going a bit too easy on this woman. For one thing, I feel bad for her that she didn't have any family members or friends that were able to step in and say, "What are you doing? You should be spending this money on therapy and medication." Some sort of intervention.

 

[Shinobi]

Now it's easy to say "fuck it, we gave them money" But the money solved little. It created massive rifts between widows and those who husbands survived. Especially after the friemen dumped their wives for widows. That broke up friendships and made lasting enemies between people who had been close.

Is this what "Rescue Me" based Leary's relationship on?

I spend far too many hours on this message board to meet any of the minimum clinical requirements for a rational being.

:lol

It's as if people don't read. When you find yourself massively depressed, you'll be singing a different tune.

I'm seeing that a lot more on this board these days...seems half the posts are made after reading the initial post, ignoring the following 40.

She's still ultimately responsible for blowing that money, but it sure seems to be a legit case of her being sick. It's hard for me not to sympathize. The amount of money really isn't the issue...it could've been $50,000 for all it matters. In some ways, the fact that she's spent 5 mill (or closer to 10 if what Loki said is true) makes the story all the more tragic.

 

[Polari]

What a dumbass. Seriously.

I hope she enjoys scraping by for the rest of her life. Considering she already got $3 million from family and friends, I doubt they'll be making that mistake a second time.

 

[Polari]

Oh Jesus. I just got to this bit:

Trant designed a shrine of her husband's mementos, and put it on display in her new red-white-and-blue den. She added sports memorabilia to her walls, including a Boston Celtics ball autographed by players. Dan was drafted last by the Celtics in 1984, and though he never played for them, he played professionally in Ireland.

So she isn't just a moron, she's a moron with terrible taste.