Hipster frauds Mast Brothers peddling phony $10 "bean to bar" chocolate

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There's a lot of money to be made off health food rubes.

Just market a product as more emotionally authentic, pure and genuine than your competitors... and you'll tap into the zeitgeist of food purity.

Non-GMO, organic only, planting corn to butchering kobe quality beef jerky!
 
No True Hipster.

If they can get people to buy their chocolate bars for exorbitant prices and have them feel happy with their purchase power to them. No one is forced to by chocolate bars.
 
If people like the final product and think it's worth 10 dollars who the fuck cares if years ago they used melted chocolate.

Every article I've seen about this acknowledges that remelting base chocolate from major manufacturers is common in the artisanal-chocolate industry, so if they were upfront about it there would be no story. The problem is a company that produces a food item lying about what goes into that item.

For the most part I've heard that they've put out good product.

That's not what the reviews would tell you!
 
I want to give both of their beards a hearty artisanal slap.

That's where you rub your palms in oregano, African bird pepper, and Himalayan rose salt and then run at the person with arms flailing.

Testers described the effect as "complex and bracing, with a lingering finish."

I love this post : D
 
I'd be down to nibble some of this chocolate if it was offered to me, but this isn't some amazing bottle of whiskey for gods sake.
 
That Noka article was one of the best pieces of investigative journalism I have ever read. If that dude ever turned his attention to a politician, well daaaaamn...
 
I had their chocolate back when they first started, I was a chocolate taster at the time, and I wasn't impressed. I remember seeing them at one of the Brooklyn farmer's markets. I do enjoy Valrhona, but it is hard to say if that was the chocolate I was having since it was so long ago. I do know I never liked the "flavors" they paired with their chocolates, so I was never a fan. Is it sad to say that none of this surprises me?
 
Hershey's makes the best chocolate, period. They manage to capture the fragrant tang of just turned milk, the the complex nuance of a sofa-recovered crayon.
 
Even the beards are fake.


Their Instagram. https://www.instagram.com/p/_UU1n1vxn6/

How they see themselves
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From a Twitter account. https://twitter.com/extramsg/status/676935067864858624?ref_src=twsrc^tfw

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A pair of Biz Frat Bros realized the future, and it was beards.

This should be in the OP.
 
I don't think I've ever seen such outrage over something so meaningless.

If people like the final product and think it's worth 10 dollars who the fuck cares if years ago they used melted chocolate.

I say good for them. If you can convince people to pay 10 bucks with a romantic story then you deserve that cash.


Because it's false advertising???

There really is a defence force for everything isn't there?
 
I'd be down to nibble some of this chocolate if it was offered to me, but this isn't some amazing bottle of whiskey for gods sake.

Do you like Bulleit, Templeton, Filibuster, High West, James E. Pepper, Redemption and Smooth Ambler bourbons? If so, they and other "small batch/craft" bourbons are really distilled in a mega-distillery in Lawrenceburg, IN. It's all "who cares about fake hipster chocolate?" until it's something they like.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articl...bly-from-a-factory-distillery-in-indiana.html

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I wonder what the cross-referencing would be like on the gaming side complaining about "fake gamers" and bullshots?
 
Even the beards are fake.


Their Instagram. https://www.instagram.com/p/_UU1n1vxn6/

How they see themselves
QR5RzZ5.jpg



From a Twitter account. https://twitter.com/extramsg/status/676935067864858624?ref_src=twsrc^tfw

hbP8YRP.jpg


hVesi0g.jpg


US9hw2y.jpg



A pair of Biz Frat Bros realized the future, and it was beards.

There's plenty to hate on these guys for but "they wear different clothes when they go out drinking to when they are at work" and "they grew beards at a time when beards became cool" really isn't any proof of them being frauds.
 
But can you get organic? I know a sub-$10 bar is fine for most people but once you try some good stuff the difference is night and day, like small batch roasted coffee vs Starbucks. Choc-Culture offers the same variety of quality that you find in beer, audio, and and other foods. Those who demand excellence know it comes at a price.

At least for me, the insistence on absolute quality at eye-watering prices doesn't work for me when in the end it comes out the same. Far more economical to be a connoisseur of durable goods that won't disappear.

And, as this article points out, what you're usually paying for is a lot of bullshit marketing.
 
I have had this Mast Brothers chocolate before.

It was pretty good. Which is not surprising if they are remelting Valrhona!
 
Most honey is just high fructose corn syrup or cut with HFCS and most Olive Oil sold in the USA is counterfeit and mostly vegetable oil. Most Americans think real olive oil tastes weird when they actually have it since they have never had the real stuff. It a big organized crime thing in Italy.


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/08/honey-fda_n_5111907.html
http://www.foodrenegade.com/your-extravirgin-olive-oil-fake/

The olive oil thing is messed up if you really look into it. There was a study done to test olive oils to see if they were 'real' and they found most weren't. I'm at work now or I'd post it but I'm sure you can google it and find it.

Edit: Ah. I was able to open your second link now and see that the study is part of that article. Crazy stuff.
 
Most honey is just high fructose corn syrup or cut with HFCS and most Olive Oil sold in the USA is counterfeit and mostly vegetable oil. Most Americans think real olive oil tastes weird when they actually have it since they have never had the real stuff. It a big organized crime thing in Italy.


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/08/honey-fda_n_5111907.html
http://www.foodrenegade.com/your-extravirgin-olive-oil-fake/

You'd think that would be something the FDA would clamp down on. If they can go after the Just Mayo people and their misleading packaging/statements, I would think adding random shit to oils would be infinitely more serious of an issue.
 
Having learned about the child labour used in parts of Africa for certain chocolate companies recently, the part where the Mast Borthers aren't listing their bean origins is a bit concerning. Won't be buying their chocolate anytime soon because of that alone.
 
You have more dollars than cents if you buy a $10 chocolate bar
 
Having learned about the child labour used in parts of Africa for certain chocolate companies recently, the part where the Mast Borthers aren't listing their bean origins is a bit concerning. Won't be buying their chocolate anytime soon because of that alone.
The only chocolate that doesn't employ child labour or at least doesn't pay them enough for an education or kidnaps them from their home country and they rarely if ever get to be in touch with family, is fairtrade. Anything else still uses all those practices.

Chocolate The Bitter Truth is a good documentary about it.
 
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