Holding your SO's purse

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I don't mind, but when my girlfriend and I just met I probably wouldn't be so open, I still would have done it, and she wouldn't have asked

The closer you are, the less these things matter, I don't even think twice now
 
Sevarus said:
So what you're suggesting is this scenario:

Man: "Hey, can you hold my briefcase? I'm not tired or sore or anything, I just want you to hold it."

I don't really know what to say to that one.
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It can come about more natural.

Hey can you hold my briefcase?

Sure. Anything wrong? Tired?

No I'm fine. I just don't want to carry it.
 
The fact that the OP thinks a price tag is at all a factor shows the type of relationship he's in. My girlfriend would kill me if I spent 10k on a dumb purse. I'd say end the relationship, but I'm sure in the end it'll happen anyways. That 50% divorce rate doesn't drop out of the sky.
 
I'm used to carrying heavy things, purses are easy. Heck if the strap is long enough I might put it on my neck and let it hang over my back. She can grab it and pull me back if I walk too fast (joking). I don't mind purses, if I want to get her to carry it I do what I heard a comic or something say, start looking in it and snooping around. Though this doesn't always work since there's usually nothing in them that's interesting.
 
atr0cious said:
The fact that the OP thinks a price tag is at all a factor shows the type of relationship he's in. My girlfriend would kill me if I spent 10k on a dumb purse. I'd say end the relationship, but I'm sure in the end it'll happen anyways. That 50% divorce rate doesn't drop out of the sky.
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The 50% divorce rate is inaccurate. It's something more like 25%.
 
I've held my wife's purse many times, but she wouldn't take her purse with her if she didn't intend on carrying it herself.

OP, it's not like you're a coat wrack or her assistant. Just ask her why she brought her bag of she didn't intend on carrying it? It's obvious you didn't intend on carrying it, and there is no reason she can't carry it.
 
riotous said:
He refused to carry it for her without a big reason to do it. That's what my post is referring to. He returned the purse to her as soon as she started walking and wasn't handing it to him for anything she needed to do.

Why this single instance is some big deal is baffling to me.. same with your psycho analysis of her response. She asked him a simple favor and he refused, and she wasn't happy with that.

How is that a sign of things to come? How does her asking this single favor make her someone you wouldn't want to be with? He's been with her long enough to be buying her a $10,000 purse... and this is apparently the first time she's asked him for such a favor.
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I think you are being a bit disingenuous with the way you use the price. Me buying that purse would be like someone with an average income buying a coach or Michael Kors purse and people do that for their SO all the time without it meaning that they are madly in love.
 
I think you did the right thing. If she was testing you then that's kind of shitty.

My girlfriend wouldn't ask me to carry her purse, it's her purse.
 
King Cobra said:
I think you are being a bit disingenuous with the way you use the price. Me buying that purse would be like someone with an average income buying a coach or Michael Kors purse and people do that for their SO all the time without it meaning that they are madly in love.
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Right. There's a scale to these things. Some people would go crazy knowing what other people pay for a quality steak.
 
I hold my wife's purse for her whenever she wants, but that's typically only for a few seconds, then she asks for it back. Sometimes I'll hold onto it, throw the strap over my shoulder, and prance around with it on for a few seconds in the parking lot for the sheer sake of embarrassing her, and she demands it back and calls me a four year old. I get a laugh out of it and hand it back.

If your SO is asking you to hold your purse for no reason though, that's silly.
 
Marty Chinn said:
The 50% divorce rate is inaccurate. It's something more like 25%.
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Yep. That stat is skewed from the 70s, when no fault divorces became widespread.

Basically, people who couldn't get divorced easily before the no fault divorce laws, did in mass once their state passed those laws.

Many miserable people were just waiting to get divorced. It skewed that stat for decades.
 
Marty Chinn said:
Sure, if she got lazy, but it went from reasonable to unreasonable when she got upset at the notion of him putting it in the car. That's the difference for me. If she got lazy, she shouldn't get upset at the other person for not wanting to carry and she should not get upset if he offered a reasonable solution to the problem which was putting it in the car.



There's a huge difference here though. If the remote is next to me, it's reasonable for my SO to ask me to pass it over to her. If it's right next to her, and she asks me to get up and go around her to give it to her, that's no longer a reasonable request. If I'm out at the store, then it's reasonable for me to get something while I'm already there. If I'm out but she wants me to go clear across town for something that isn't important or needed in a timely manner, then that's unreasonable.

It's a good thing my SO isn't unreasonable.
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That's telling them. It's about reasonable and unreasonable expectations.

The more I think about it though the more I think that it's about flaunting the purse and the man that would carry it for her than anything else. It's about "look at me and what I've got" kinda thing.

She knows that the women around her would probably be envious and at the very least notice her and this combination. She's got upset when he was ruining that for her.
 
i love my gf because she is a grown ass woman with 2 healthy arms. of course i would hold it for a second while she needs to tie her shoe or something. but she would never ask me to hold her purse "just because". if she didn't want to carry her damn purse she would leave it in the car.
 
Holding the purse for your SO briefly while she does something = fine, and if you refuse because "holding a purse emasculates me", you're a dick and probably a stupid person.

Carrying your SO's purse even if they're not tired/sore, "just because" = being selfish and petty, fuck off. Carry your own shit, WTF.

Two Words said:
Put the masculinity aside. Whoever is reading this, you are now my SO in this post. Since it keeps being brought up, we apparently have a great sex life. We are at the mall. I buy a bottle of water. I then ask you to hold my water for me even though I would be empty handed otherwise and I simply don't feel like holding this water bottle I chose to buy for myself. I'd prefer it if you held it for me. We're having sex, so apparently that means you now cannot say no to my request. Peachy?
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lol, this. The whole "she has sex with me, I can do this for her" thing is absolutely creepy. It's seeing sex as some sort of commodity or favour to be traded. Just... brrr

Obrek said:
In my experience it has nothing to do with holding a purse and looking "feminine."

It's about her carrying her own shit and not using you as a mule. The girl I'm with now, if she doesn't want to carry her purse around she puts in the the trunk of my car. I'll gladly hold it for her when she's looking at things or trying on clothes when we go shopping, but once we're back on the move she carries it or puts it in a cart, end of story.

I've been with girls who will gladly whip you into doing everything for them and then some, just because they want to be special. Not doing it again.
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Agreed.

Two Words said:
I mean, they're not exactly forced to wear pants with no/shitty pockets. I'm sure there are women's pants that have real pockets. If they choose not to get those pants for stylistic reasons, I get it, but they still chose pants with shitty pockets.
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Actually, no. Seriously, it's a thing in women's clothing that they just don't have proper pockets. I tried shopping for jeans with pockets. Women's jeans just don't have proper pockets. At best I can carry kleenexes (I have allergies) and keys, and even keys are uncomfortable because the pockets are so tight that the keys start digging into my flesh so I'd rather not.

It's really fucking annoying and I hate women's fashion. I don't even wear skirts or dresses and I want to dress practical, but women's jeans just suck. And don't tell me to wear men's jeans because they just don't fit at the hips (yes, I tried).

Sai-kun said:
Honestly man, I've been shopping with my girlfriend a LOT and even pants that aren't skin tight don't always offer pockets more than an inch or two deep. Totally anecdotal so obviously doesn't mean much, but I swear, watching my girl shop for clothes and seeing the lack of pockets is kinda mind blowing to me. It's not just 'tight clothing' that doesn't have pockets. Even just regular jeans don't offer good sized pockets, and a lot of stores don't seem to offer anything less than well-fitting jeans.
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Yup, this is my experience as well.

Sevarus said:
Some of these responses are, if not straight up, seem inspired by Redpill/PUA bullshit. Better not do anything nice for a woman without a damn good reason, otherwise you're pussy-whipped! Or a servant, or a pack mule, or whatever. Seriously concerning the way people psychoanalyze their partners.
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Oh come on. Refusing to enable your SO's pettiness (remember, she asked him to carry the purse just so he could be her mule) has nothing to do with Redpill horseshit. It's not about doing something nice, it's about his SO being petty.

If my boyfriend asked me to carry his 3DS or whatever, I'd say "sure, overburdened or something?" and if he said "nope, just want you to carry it for me" I'd shove it back in his hands and tell him to piss off. (Luckily he'd never do that because he's not an inconsiderate jerk, but yeah.)

King Cobra said:
I paid almost 10k for that purse
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Whaaaaa.... well then. Um. That's a plot twist I certainly didn't see coming, LOL.

Now I don't know what to think except that you're a bunch of weirdoes. Paying such an obscene amount of money on a status/vanity item is so unfathomable to me. And kind of creepy honestly.
 
CitizenCope said:
I believe you but boy I've been to about 25 weddings in my life and around 7 are still together. More purse carrying can get us down to 20%, let's do this!
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I've probably been to just as many and nobody has gotten divorce. In fact I know only three people who have gotten a divorce and I didn't attend any of their weddings. I'd argue the purse carrying like the OP is talking about is probably going to lead to more divorces, not less.
 
Fuuuuuck that op. It's a pretty clear move don't fall for it.


Not too long ago I was at work chatting with a cop buddy and this couple comes in. Guy is holding the purse and they strike up a conversation with us. Cop makes a light joke about the dude holding the purse and he says how he loves holding it for her....

Don't become that guy brah.
 
So much of the argument seems to come from people who have made polar opposite assumptions - either the significant other is always asking to her her purse carried regardless of being tired, or asks on occasion if she's tired. It's then easy to say you're a pushover and your SO is disrespectful if you base assumption is the former, or to say you're selfish (and possibly overly threatened by the act of carrying a purse) if your base assumption is the later.
 
I hope one or both of you own property if a 10k purse is no biggie.


What kind of engagement ring do you buy if a 10k purse is already on the table?
 
didn't read the whole thread, does SO mean you're married? if so, what's there to test? I wouldn't be worried about your masculinity more about how she still has to "test" you.

as for carrying somebody else's bag. I don't mind holding it for a while. but I'm no stupid mule either. I guess, I would've had the same reaction. if there's some other meaning behind carrying the bag, it's best to confront her about it.
 
I have been with my SO for over 10 years now and have probably carried her purse while we walk etc a total of 11-13 times? So it definitely is not a regular occurence and why the few times i have done it dont bother me at all.

From my viewpoint, she needs help with something, if i am able to help i would do it without batting an eye. I expect the same from her. In fact i dont think i even ever asked why she wanted me to hold her purse lol, would be fun to find out actually.

This "purse carrying" would become problematic if it happened more often and i begin to feel like a "servant". Then it becomes a question of "why the fuck are you even bringing the bag if i am holding it more often than you?". Fortunately this is not the case.
 
halfbeast said:
didn't read the whole thread, does SO mean you're married? if so, what's there to test? I wouldn't be worried about your masculinity more about how she still has to "test" you.

as for carrying somebody else's bag. I don't mind holding it for a while. but I'm no stupid mule either. I guess, I would've had the same reaction. if there's some other meaning behind carrying the bag, it's best to confront her about it.
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Nah, SO means significant other. That could be your boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, life partner, etc.
 
I use to work in a bike shop and it was always hilarious when a women would take a bike out for a test ride and hand her purse to the husband/boyfriend. The best method was the "put in on the floor and take 2 steps away" cause that really made it clear he wasn't the type of guy that carried a purse. People can be insecure out the silliest shit.
 
If you even feel like your SO is "testing" you by asking you to hold her purse, you've already lost your masculinity by being with her a long time ago.

I never worry about whether a girl I'm dating is "testing" me. If a girl ever is "testing me", I'd rather be myself and fail her "tests" with spectacular confidence than worry about saying or doing the right thing.

OP, carry her purse if you truly want to carry it. Otherwise, say no. That's the only right answer to this question.
 
I've got a couple handbags myself, so I'm ok with holding my wife's purse. However, I'm not going to hold it "just because".
 
Morrigan Stark said:
Holding the purse for your SO briefly while she does something = fine, and if you refuse because "holding a purse emasculates me", you're a dick and probably a stupid person.

Carrying your SO's purse even if they're not tired/sore, "just because" = being selfish and petty, fuck off. Carry your own shit, WTF.


lol, this. The whole "she has sex with me, I can do this for her" thing is absolutely creepy. It's seeing sex as some sort of commodity or favour to be traded. Just... brrr
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I was joking when I said it earlier in the thread, because the idea of being upset about the request or analyzing it deeply is a joke, as are a lot of these responses to me. But, honestly, us having sex = having a deep, intimate, trusting relationship, which, to me means if my SO were to ask me to carry her purse, I wouldn't question it. I don't need to analyze it. It's a small request that wouldn't burden me in the slightest and if it makes her life a bit easier in that moment, or however many moments it takes, I would do it without hesitation.

My SO has never to my recollection asked me to carry her purse longer than it takes to try something on or look at an item, but even if that weren't the case, I can't see a situation where I would tell her no, even if it's just because she's tired and doesn't want to carry it. That's fine with me. It's such a non-issue that I woudn't even think about it. There wouldn't be any follow up questions.

She would say, "Can you carry this for a bit?" I would say, "Yep," and rock that shit and we'd both go on about our business.
 
Skilletor said:
I was joking when I said it earlier in the thread, because the idea of being upset about the request or analyzing it deeply is a joke, as are a lot of these responses to me. But, honestly, us having sex = having a deep, intimate, trusting relationship, which, to me means if my SO were to ask me to carry her purse, I wouldn't question it. I don't need to analyze it. It's a small request that wouldn't burden me in the slightest and if it makes her life a bit easier in that moment, or however many moments it takes, I would do it without hesitation.

My SO has never to my recollection asked me to carry her purse longer than it takes to try something on or look at an item, but even if that weren't the case, I can't see a situation where I would tell her no, even if it's just because she's tired and doesn't want to carry it. That's fine with me. It's such a non-issue that I woudn't even think about it. There wouldn't be any follow up questions.

She would say, "Can you carry this for a bit?" I would say, "Yep," and rock that shit and we'd both go on about our business.
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What if she made you do this every day?
 
I don't see the big deal really...

I hold my wifes purse whenever she asks. It's not like it's a huge deal. I ask her to hold my crap in there since there's room, so why not...
 
Marty Chinn said:
What if she made you do this every day?
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There's a fantastic Hamontown episode about this particular idea and how it's unrealistic or otherwise the foundation for a relationship is untrustworthy:

bending-sickle tumblr said:
From the Harmontown podcast, Episode 105, “Game Recognize Game”

Dan Harmon: My epiphany has been this thing that the [marriage] counselor called emotional bids. Emotional bids, Jeff.

Jeff Davis: Bids.

DH: Yeah. So you know when there’s two people in a conversation, my thing has always been, “Well, one person’s always going to need something, and the other person’s always going to be having to give it,” which means that one person’s getting, like, robbed, y'know… Like I always feel like everyone’s always trying to steal my life force away from me, my time, my energy, like fishhooks are coming at me and are going to get into me and if I don’t fend them off and police my own space, I’m going to get dragged into someone else’s, like, energy and I’m going to get dragged down and I’m going to lose my life for three hours of playing Borderlands 2 or something…

Counselor said, “Here’s the thing that couples do: they make emotional bids." So, you say, like for instance, one of my big things that make me insane is that if I’m driving and Erin says, "Look at that thing, look at that thing over there,” my immediate reaction is to go, “Goddamnit, I don’t want to look at shit." […] That’s how extreme it is - I hate fucking - I hate when people go, "Look at that.” I’m thinking, “I hate you, don’t make me look at that. I have my own head. I can swivel it, I have eyes. If I want to look at something I’ll look at it.” That’s me being crazy.

But that’s just an example of - somebody saying, “Look at that,” or somebody saying, “Oh, Game of Thrones is on tomorrow,” like, like anything, any sound you make, anything, it’s an emotional bid… My new way of seeing it - the counselor -

JD: Wait, wait, why is it a bid? Explain that to me.

DH: Well I’m going to. Don’t interrupt me.

JD: Dan. Look - look over here.

DH: No.

JD: Look over there.

DH: You have to think of the relationship as a third thing in the room with you and your lover. When a person wants something from you, don’t even look at it that way. You think of it as them putting a little poker chip, a bid, into the relationship bank. So you don’t have to think of it like, “I have to give you something” or “You need something,” it’s you putting something in to this third thing.

And then you can have three responses to that, one of three. You can do what’s called facing forward, which is like acknowledging it, which is a form of putting your own bid in there to match it.

So both parties are going to draw checks on this bank from time to time, you need your relationship to be there when you’re feeling bummed out, sometimes you’re sick, or in a bad mood, you feel fat, you - you go like, “Oh, can I fall back on this relationship?”

And if it’s overdrawn, if there’s no trust, it’s like, somebody puts a bid in it and if you go - for example, by saying, “Oh, our favourite show’s on tonight,” if you go, “Yeah, yeah.” Like that’s you taking the bid out, wiping your ass with it, I don’t know where the metaphor goes. You’re not matching it.

And then what happens is - this happens a lot with men and women, is that like, because men have this thing where they’re just like, they think too logically in their discourse, so it’s like, “Look at that thing, isn’t that pretty,” and the guy’ll tend too often to go, “I don’t see how that’s more pretty than anything else in particular,” like trying to make sure - ‘cause I think American men, we’re socialized to like, be more logical, not change our minds, all this stuff, and then like - so that’s an example, you betray the trust and then like, the other person will double down on the bid, they’ll start putting more shit in there. And then they get all messed up, like, “I don’t - I do everything and you don’t do anything,” and it just comes out at random times. “Aw, you put so [much] shit into this relationship”.

All you’ve got to do is retrain your brain, even if it’s perfunctoral - because they’ve done these studies, where they take - they started taking couple’s science into - like, they just study us like animals now - and they just take like people who are happy, as couples, and they study their behaviour and they found that if you can make bad couples emulated good couples’ behaviour, bad couples can turn into good couples, they get happy.

JD: So what is the good behaviour?

DH: The good behaviour is just that rhythm of matching emotional bids. If someone petitions the relationship for acknowledgement, then you got to ring that bell too. Just once, that’s it. “Hey, look at that bridge.” “Oh, yeah, that’s a great bridge.” Like without being sarcastic. You don’t have to agree that it’s a great bridge, but also don’t be a shithead. Just say, “Yeah, it’s a great bridge,” like just stop - face forward - literally face the person that wants your attention, and engage them for just as much time as they said, “Oh, Game of Thrones is on tomorrow.” “Yeah, isn’t that show great?” Like, just fucking match it.

[…]

JD: Alright, so in that moment, now, now that you have that intellectual knowledge of the emotional bids thing […]. Now, if Erin says, “Look at that bridge,” or, “Do you like hotdogs?” you’re still going to probably react, in that first moment of -

DH: No, emotionally, yes. I won’t be able to stop myself from - like the counselor says, it’s like when you hit your knee with a hammer, it’s just a reflex. Reflexes are reflexes, but - you have an internal reflexive reaction - but that can be a dinner bell. Like that can be a triangle that rings, that is a reminder, “Oh, this is that moment where I do that thing, where I stop, face her, and acknowledge what she just said.” And then go back to - y'know - so yeah. It’s literally just changing your behaviour.

[…]

JD: I guess the metaphor for the bid thing is that you can keep ante-ing up and someone can keep just taking the money off the table and not putting anything back in.

DH: That’s every guy’s first questions, is, “What if you keep matching emotional bids and you keep having to look at twenty bridges per second?” That was my first question, and then I went to the […] writer’s room, so excited about these tools I’d learned, and every guy immediately was like, “But what if, what if you look at the bridge and say, 'Oh, nice bridge’, and you’ve got to do it again five seconds later?”

That "What if? What if the other person abuses me doing the normal right thing?“ is called mistrust. And trust is the foundation of a relationship. You can change anything you want about a house, but if you don’t have trust in a relationship, it just doesn’t matter, it’s like a fucked up house.

So you just have to fucking jump in, you just have to do this. You’re not going to have to look at twenty bridges, there aren’t twenty bridges, Jesus. Like, she really just wants - It’s like breathing, it’s respiration. "Look at the bridge.” “’S nice.” Like, am I in a relationship with you? Am I some microscopic little penny stock level - like a little microtrade that keeps the fucking market going? “Look at that bridge.” Yes, I am in the space with you, I am not numb. I am not like astral-projecting over Miami right now.
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If you're being used that's a relationship you shouldn't be in in the first place. But for a relationship about trust the "What if it happens every day" scenario shouldn't exist and you wouldn't expect it to
 
EdibleKnife said:
There's a fantastic Hamontown episode about this particular idea and how it's unrealistic or otherwise the foundation for a relationship is untrustworthy:



If you're being used that's a relationship you shouldn't be in in the first place. But for a relationship about trust the "What if it happens every day" scenario shouldn't exist and you wouldn't expect it to
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Yep, I completely agree. I was just trying to question his notion of never being able to see a situation where he would tell her no.
 
AShep said:
I can't imagine anyone would want to date a person this cynically paranoid.
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OP said it was a test, not me :P I know it was a bit extreme, but I'm just saying what if something small like this was actually a test like "pass / not pass". Worst case scenarios can be pretty bad, I was just making a worst case scenario :P
 
Be a gentleman and carry your SO's purse for a little. Why is this an issue? Comes up all the time when I'm shopping for clothes with my girlfriend.
 
I'm not sure if I'm surprised or not that we're at nearly 700 posts on the merits of holding a bag for a partner or not.
 
Glad I don't date girls who do that shit. Fucking lame.

J1SSL3R said:
Be a gentleman and carry your SO's purse for a little. Why is this an issue? Comes up all the time when I'm shopping for clothes with my girlfriend.
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I don't think that's what she was asking him to do.
 
gdt said:
Fuuuuuck that op. It's a pretty clear move don't fall for it.


Not too long ago I was at work chatting with a cop buddy and this couple comes in. Guy is holding the purse and they strike up a conversation with us. Cop makes a light joke about the dude holding the purse and he says how he loves holding it for her....

Don't become that guy brah.
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My wife packs all sorts of shit in her handbag so it's heavy. She carries it around most of the time because most of the time she's out, I'm working. So on weekends when we go out, if I carry her bag I'll end up less tired/sore/whatever than she would because I'm bigger and stronger than her.

I love this woman. Most of the time I offer to carry her bag. Most of the time she says no but sometimes she says yes. What sort of a fucking chump would I be if I DIDN'T carry her bag?
 
J1SSL3R said:
Be a gentleman and carry your SO's purse for a little. Why is this an issue? Comes up all the time when I'm shopping for clothes with my girlfriend.
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read the op. this is not the issue. the op even says holding it for stuff like that is fine and even held the purse because he thought that was what is happening.
 
D'ultimate said:
Obviously the OP cares. So do many other posters in this topic.

You can't have this attitude about everything in every situation. That would lead to abuse by others you're in a relationship with, be it intentionally or unintentionally.

It's her accessory, not his. He would hold it for a period of time for good reason but it's unfair to him to be asked to hold it for and extended period of time "just cause". If she didn't want to have it on her she could leave it in the car as he said.
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you people have some fucked up relationships goddamn
 
fna84 said:
dHqOq14.gif
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Oh god that's great.

I carry my woman's sometimes. Aint nobody gonna say nuthin to me.
 
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