Holding your SO's purse
- Thread starter King Cobra
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WeAreStarStuff
Member
Sometime's I hold my girl's purse b/c she needs to grab something real quick. She's never asked me to hold it for a long duration, and I wouldn't feel comfortable if she did.
Schwarzbier
Member
Yeah, that's not happening...
D'ultimate
Member
haven't read the whole thread but that sounds super petty
like why make it a thing that you had to hold your significant other's purse? it almost sounds like a power play
Did you people actually read the OP and the corresponding responses?
What if she subsequently ask him to do this EVERY single time they go out cause he was just o so fine with doing it now "just because"?
What if he brings his...idk...13" tablet everywhere he goes and wants her to carry it "just cause"? He sure as fuck doesn't need to have it so why does she need to carry it?
Me personally, I don't care what other people think but I sure as shit ain't lugging your purse around for and extended period just because you want me to when we could easily put it in the car.
If we were out all day, far away from our vehicle, she had a big purse and was tired of carrying it, then I would do it. That would seem like a good reason.
Otherwise, Nope! We are not going to even entertain the thought of starting that trend.
Yesterday while I was out with my SO she asked me to hold her purse, I say "of course" thinking she is probably just going to do something quick and ask for it back. But then she starts walking so I ask her, do you mean actually walk with your purse? When she says yes I hand her back her purse and tell her that if she doesn't want to walk with it or if it's too heavy we can go back to the car and leave it there.
She got pretty upset but I just didn't feel right walking around holding her purse. Today I asked a female co worker what she thought about that and she said she was most likely testing to see if I was willing to put aside masculinity for her. But she also said that doing so wasn't exactly in my best interest.
So my question is, what would or have most of you done when facing this situation, and was I really a jerk for not just holding my SO's purse? Also her purse really stands out this is what she has.
Good on you. I would've done the exact same.
Don't want to carry it? Then don't bring it. Simple solution to a simple problem. People can attach labels to that if thats their agenda.
Gravy Boat
Member
Nothing in the OP says that's the case though. It sounds like this was the first time she ever asked him to do it. What if's are silly and there's a big difference between asking something like that once in a while, and doing it every time they're out together. Obviously her asking him to do it every time they're out would be out of line, but to suggest that would happen as a result of him doing it once is crazy. We're not talking about heroin here, she's not going to develop some insatiable desire to no longer carry her own bag.
The tablet example is stupid too, but I'm sure I don't need to explain that to you.
A lot of you guys have a really clinical view of relationships.
wow calm down
I really would not put this much thought into a "someone asked me to hold something for them" and consider what it means on an emotional level
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
My fiance would never ask me to carry it for her unless there was a very good reason but if she needed me to I would. I've held her purse and purses of other female friends many times. Shit, I strap those things around my shoulder and own it. No dude comfortable with his masculinity should have a problem with that.
Can't believe that so many people have a problem with appearing less "manly" by holding a goddamn purse. And then the argument that she shouldn't be that lazy because she brought it with her. What? It's not like she asked the OP everytime. When my GF asks me if I could hold it for a while (because sometimes it just gets to heavy and her back will hurt), I do it. It's not a big thing. When I ask her to put a bottle of water into her purse, she does it without complaining. Can't understand it, when people are more about "don't be so lazy", "I'm right here", "don't bring a fucking purse with you when you don't want to hold it" in a relationship instead of just being nice for a while and holding it.
I'm curious about whether these people want their girlfriends to use make up or not. If they want it, then it's even hypocritcal to be so annoyed by it.
I'm curious about whether these people want their girlfriends to use make up or not. If they want it, then it's even hypocritcal to be so annoyed by it.
D'ultimate
Member
I am calm. Lol
It's not that much thought. It's just thought. If she was being thoughtful, she would not ask him to do that considering there is an alternative. She is being inconsiderate in my opinion.
If she is being inconsiderate on a micro level it's not far-fetched to think she could be on a macro level.
While it may seem I'm over thinking this on a forum it's easy for me to think you guys are not thinking it through when you say "it's just a purse, who cares"? It's not really about the purse itself, it's the principle of the matter.
Also, there are some talking about getting some from their SO for favors and you guys are attacking me for over thinking this? C'mon.
Herbspiceguy
Member
It starts with a purse...
Gravy Boat
Member
You thinking that when your partner asks you for a very minor favour, that there is some deeper play at hand, is really unhealthy.
retrogamer84
Member
I hold my girlfriends purse sometimes when she has her hands full for a minute or something, but I would not hold it for a long time unless there was a good reason (she was tired or something). Thankfully she has a fairly small and light purse, so she really doesn't need me to hold it often. I do hold her phone for her quite often though.
you seem like if someone asked you to pass the salt you'd tell them to get it themself
D'ultimate
Member
I hold my wife's purse all the time. I hold women friend purses all the time. For A Reason. Then she get's it back.
It's not a very minor favor in this case cause he said they were only out for about 10 mins and then she wants him to CARRY it. Not just hold it for a short period and then take it back, carry it. He offered her a better alternative, one that should have suited them both and she got upset.
The problem is that you are not seeing the big picture my friend and that can be unhealthy for you.
D'ultimate
Member
you seem like if someone asked you to pass the salt you'd tell them to get it themself
If I had to get up from across the table when it's right in front of the person you damn right I would.
Gravy Boat
Member
I disagree entirely that holding your lady friends purse is anything other than a minor favour.
Also I'd love for you to clarify what you're implying with that last sentence. Because if it'a anything along the lines of 'If you do this for her then she controls you and will abuse that' then that only reaffirms my previous post that you have an unhealthy view of things.
If I had to get up from across the table when it's right in front of the person you damn right I would.
mhayes86
Member
I'd prefer not to hold it since I don't like carrying things around in general, but I'll hold it for her without any issue if she needs to go to the bathroom or something. She typically doesn't carry a purse unless she lacks pockets or is buying stuff and placing it in her purse; in which case if it gets too heavy, we'll trade it off until we get back to the car.
D'ultimate
Member
I'd also like to know how I'm over thinking it when the OP asked a female coworker she suggested it could have been a trial by his SO?
Some things are just that, "things". But, unless you are already married for yrs and yrs, most everything you do with your SO is more than just "a thing". Each and everything you do is examined and scrutinized. That is how it's decided if you are a suitable partner or not.
I get the impression that some here think that the way to a woman's heart is just to be total pushover. I think that the mantra "everything in moderation" is more the way things should go.
Don't be a total pushover and don't treat her like she's and invalid. It's better both you and her that way.
Some things are just that, "things". But, unless you are already married for yrs and yrs, most everything you do with your SO is more than just "a thing". Each and everything you do is examined and scrutinized. That is how it's decided if you are a suitable partner or not.
I get the impression that some here think that the way to a woman's heart is just to be total pushover. I think that the mantra "everything in moderation" is more the way things should go.
Don't be a total pushover and don't treat her like she's and invalid. It's better both you and her that way.
newshinycd
Member
Yea I'm not understanding the whole "I dun wanna hold my girlfriend's/wife's purse". It's not like your gonna catch cooties for holding a purse for a couple of minutes.
When you do have to hold the purse for your SO, don't stand there awkwardly holding it like it's diseased or something. Sling it over your shoulder and wear it like a boss.
Gravy Boat
Member
It's not about being a pushover, it's about being nice with your girlfriend asks you for a favour. I'm not trying to win her heart if we're already in a relationship. If she wants me to hold her purse every time we go out then I'll tell her otherwise, but if we're out one day and she turns to me and says 'I can't be arsed carrying this, I dare you to do it for me' then I'd probably do it. She'd do the same for me if I asked.
The first part is also meaningless. How does his female co-worker know anything about his relationship other than what he's told her? In what way is she qualified to make that judgement other than sharing a gender with his girlfriend? She could just be making shit up to troll him for all we know, or making judgements based on what she would do. It's a meaningless point to include in this thread, OP would have been better off not even mentioning it.
ScatheZombie
Member
When I woke up this morning, I honestly didn't expect to see this still going so strongly. Talk about making a fucking mountain out of a molehill. That isn't even a molehill. It's more like an anthill.
It seems like a lot of you have very poor relationship advice and experience. A lot of you keep putting extreme emphasis on shit that really doesn't matter. Keep drawing wild conclusions from completely irrelevant and miniscule perceived slights. Keep connecting things that have no connection whatsoever and then blowing those non-existent connections completely out of proportion. And keep treating your relationship like it's some winner-take-all bullshit where you shouldn't, at any point for any reason, compromise your unrealistic ideals or you are being abused and taken advantage of by a villainous harpy-douche.
I shudder to think what's it is like being in any of your relationships.
I have been with my wife over 10 years. More than 10 god damn years. You know what happens in the course of 10 years. REAL SHIT. The type of shit that breaks relationships like an elephant stepping on a small twig. The level of shit that is orders of magnitude more important, more devastating, more emotional, and more stressing than holding a fucking bag. The type of shit that actually requires serious compromise, serious discussion, and alters your life, permanently. At any one of these events, we both could have walked away, we both could have thrown tantrums, pitched a fit, made a stand, or thrown everything up in the air and said 'fuck this'. And no one could have reasonably questioned it. That's life. But you make a decision to either work through those obstacles or move on with your life. That means compromising. That means not completely losing your damn mind over every little thing. That means deciding whether you care more about your bullshit ideals than your significant other. That's a long-term relationship. If you are going to get this worked up about holding a fucking purse, just ... stop. Literally just stop having relationships. Right now. Because you can't handle being a fucking adult. And you shouldn't be inflicting yourself on other people.
Focker Out.
It seems like a lot of you have very poor relationship advice and experience. A lot of you keep putting extreme emphasis on shit that really doesn't matter. Keep drawing wild conclusions from completely irrelevant and miniscule perceived slights. Keep connecting things that have no connection whatsoever and then blowing those non-existent connections completely out of proportion. And keep treating your relationship like it's some winner-take-all bullshit where you shouldn't, at any point for any reason, compromise your unrealistic ideals or you are being abused and taken advantage of by a villainous harpy-douche.
I shudder to think what's it is like being in any of your relationships.
I have been with my wife over 10 years. More than 10 god damn years. You know what happens in the course of 10 years. REAL SHIT. The type of shit that breaks relationships like an elephant stepping on a small twig. The level of shit that is orders of magnitude more important, more devastating, more emotional, and more stressing than holding a fucking bag. The type of shit that actually requires serious compromise, serious discussion, and alters your life, permanently. At any one of these events, we both could have walked away, we both could have thrown tantrums, pitched a fit, made a stand, or thrown everything up in the air and said 'fuck this'. And no one could have reasonably questioned it. That's life. But you make a decision to either work through those obstacles or move on with your life. That means compromising. That means not completely losing your damn mind over every little thing. That means deciding whether you care more about your bullshit ideals than your significant other. That's a long-term relationship. If you are going to get this worked up about holding a fucking purse, just ... stop. Literally just stop having relationships. Right now. Because you can't handle being a fucking adult. And you shouldn't be inflicting yourself on other people.
Focker Out.
Foxtastical
Member
This! I'm in a long-term relationship myself and I agree 100%. There is no use in being in a relationship when you freak out because of holding a purse.
freenudemacusers
Member
dudes probably aren't aware of the MSRP of the purse in question.
Who is freaking out ITT? And there's a difference between holding and carrying a purse.
Haha. Yup.
entremet
Member
Yep.
It's strange since these are grown women we're talking about, not children.
Again, if they're sick, ill, physically unwell, I understand.
But carrying you purse at length if you're perfectly fine? Nope. I wouldn't want her to do the same for briefcase. I can carry it myself.
Word.
Neither one is significant. Not much of a difference for me. I'll do either, gladly.
Charles Alan Ratliff
Member
I have no problem doing this, but I also started wearing my own purse recently. It's pretty awesome and useful. Got it in Harajuku.
The only time I felt self-conscious about holding a purse was when I was in middle school and my mom would ask me to hold it for her when she would go into the fitting rooms at the mall. I was self-conscious about everything back then, though.
The only time I felt self-conscious about holding a purse was when I was in middle school and my mom would ask me to hold it for her when she would go into the fitting rooms at the mall. I was self-conscious about everything back then, though.
King Cobra
Banned
I think you are making a mistake in looking at my situation through your veteran experience. You are seeing it as what if your wife of 10 years asked you to do this. My SO is 28, 2 years older than me but we have only been together for 2 years. This isn't something that is going to end my world and I don't think I made it seem that way in the OP. This is for discussion I see many people are surprised by each other’s responses so it looks like it is an interesting discussion to have.
That's something that is a factor as well, I paid almost 10k for that purse so I would have imagined that she would want to carry it herself.
It seems that to some people this is about the idea of holding a purse makes you less of a man (what?), while others it's about not holding a bag for your partner.
There are two separate discussions occurring.
Op, to me the fact that you made a point of showing us what the bag looked like puts you in the former, not the latter.
Edit:And I'm with Focker.
There are two separate discussions occurring.
Op, to me the fact that you made a point of showing us what the bag looked like puts you in the former, not the latter.
Edit:And I'm with Focker.
Gravy Boat
Member
And both are equally baffling.
cubicle47b
Member
Yeah, basically. A few people have said they'd feel uncomfortable holding a purse.
break up with your gf and date me
BladeoftheImmortal
Member
I'll hold or carry her purse. I will never wear a matching outfit.
D'ultimate
Member
I think there are more posters thinking that those that are against this are against it because it makes you less of a man than there are actual posters who think/said that.
BrettHeazy
Member
pretty much this, when my missus tries it, I tell her should of left it in the car if she didn't wanna carry it.
Gravy Boat
Member
There are some posters who have made it very clear that this is exactly why they wouldn't hold the purse, including the OP.
Did the OP ever mention how long him and his lady were together?
Most people here are not bringing up the issue of masculinity, but if you hear penises.....
Just_myles
Member
Carry it like a football or buy her a nice enough purse that she will want to carry it.
JackBauer24
Member
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