King Cobra
Banned
We've been together for 2 years. So looking at it through the perpesective of your wife asking you to hold her purse is a bit different.
It's a $10k purse, I am not sure how much nicer of a purse I can get for her.
Holding your SO's purse
- Thread starter King Cobra
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We've been together for 2 years. So looking at it through the perpesective of your wife asking you to hold her purse is a bit different.
It's a $10k purse, I am not sure how much nicer of a purse I can get for her.
Horse Detective
Why the long case?
Gravy Boat
Member
You think buying a $10,000 purse is fine, but having to hold it for an hour or whatever isn't?
How?
All the people who were arguing that this set's a precedent that you're going to be her bitch need to respond to this new information.
What the hell are you doing buying people $10,000 purses? I mean, I already find that extremely unlikely to believe from an Internet person, but if we assume you're telling the truth for the sake of argument, you shouldn't spend that much on a purse even if you make good money. Just sets a precedent that you're there to buy expensive stuff.
Brian Griffin
Member
I've proudly held it for her if she was looking at something or gone to the bathroom or was tired, etc. but I wouldn't just hold it because she didn't feel like it at the moment. And she wouldn't ask either. Just like I wouldn't expect her to hold my wallet, keys, and phone just because. You bring it, your carry it if able.
It's your money I guess but still, LOL.
What's baffling is that by the very nature of this thread; this is the only time she's ever asked you to do an inexplicable favor for her.
Yet your response, and the response of numerous people in this thread is to NEVER do such a thing.
There is no suggestion that she would make a habit of such requests.. yet doing this one inexplicable favor would make you a pushover, a pack mule, a servant.. or that it would be treating her as if she was an invalid to do a solitary favor of carrying something for her.
It's completely odd.. in fact, this thread fucking disturbs me... numerous people come across in this thread like petty selfish assholes.
It explains a lot about society really; this is the attitude people have out there in the world when they jump to cut in line in front of you, when they speed up when they see your blinker and they are behind and to the side of you, when they walk in public side by side expecting everyone else to get out of their way, etc.,etc.
Fucking clownshoe motherfuckers everywhere.
Yet your response, and the response of numerous people in this thread is to NEVER do such a thing.
There is no suggestion that she would make a habit of such requests.. yet doing this one inexplicable favor would make you a pushover, a pack mule, a servant.. or that it would be treating her as if she was an invalid to do a solitary favor of carrying something for her.
It's completely odd.. in fact, this thread fucking disturbs me... numerous people come across in this thread like petty selfish assholes.
It explains a lot about society really; this is the attitude people have out there in the world when they jump to cut in line in front of you, when they speed up when they see your blinker and they are behind and to the side of you, when they walk in public side by side expecting everyone else to get out of their way, etc.,etc.
Fucking clownshoe motherfuckers everywhere.
bengraven
Member
The irony is that by holding it, you're afraid of looking like a pussy. But because you're willing to hold it, you're probably getting more pussy.
It's my SO and I'm not hunting for another one, so I don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks. She needs me to hold it whether because it hurts or any other more selfish reason, I'm going to do it. It's a fucking purse. I'd hold her umbrella or cell phone or something else. We only have two hands. I'm not going to be like "I love you, but you already used both of your hands so I can't loan you one of mine".
It's my SO and I'm not hunting for another one, so I don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks. She needs me to hold it whether because it hurts or any other more selfish reason, I'm going to do it. It's a fucking purse. I'd hold her umbrella or cell phone or something else. We only have two hands. I'm not going to be like "I love you, but you already used both of your hands so I can't loan you one of mine".
exmachina64
Banned
The same thing I do for my wife: hold it for an indeterminate period. Hell, I'll put it over my shoulder and walk around with it. Never really understood the masculine insecurity in this country.
You refer to your SO with "it"?
MisterRoboto
Member
It's great how your coworker said it could have been a test. Everything your SO does is a test to see if you're worthy. I find that to be nonsense. Maybe she was just, you know, tired of holding her bag. Flex your manly muscles and hold it for a bit. If it becomes an on-going issue then you address it by saying something like "Is your bag too heavy? Maybe we can get you a smaller one." or " Let's start going to the gym so you can handle that thing". No need to be a dick about it. And if by some chance a bro sees you carrying the bag you do the only thing that makes sense...not give a shit.
I wouldn't put a bag in the same category as a car or vacation but that's just me.
I wouldn't put a bag in the same category as a car or vacation but that's just me.
King Cobra
Banned
It was a christmas gift and we both have good jobs, I don't think the price plays into it the way you say it does because then that would put people who buy vehicles or pay for a vacation for their SO's in the same situation.
newshinycd
Member
I don't have kids (yet), and I'm not sure if you do either, but I view this whole purse thing as, "what if it was a diaper bag?" My wife and I have friends that have kids, and there has been plenty of times where one of her friends asked me to carry their diaper bag for them. It's no big deal. There has not been a single time where I've got weird looks from carrying a purse or a diaper bag.
On one occasion, we were at the mall and my wife asked me to hold her purse when another couple walked by, and I heard the girl ask her boyfriend something along the lines of, "see he does it. why can't you do that too?"
ScatheZombie
Member
I apologize. I should have clarified that I wasn't directly addressing you, per say, although most of that rambling advice still applies, but to the thread in general. I'd even say really all relationship threads in general.
It's not really an interesting discussion. On one hand, you have people who have grown enough to realize and acknowledge that little things like this don't matter. At all. That in the worst case scenario, if you truly felt that strongly about it, this would end in a 5 minute conversation with your SO and that'd be the end of it. There would be no need for outside advice, from anyone, because this is like playground-level bullshit that two grown adults should be able to solve in a matter of a few sentences. And on the other hand, you have people who I assume are either incredibly immature, exceptionally naive, or just plain selfish assholes. You should not be listening to these people. No one should.
bengraven
Member
My SO's sex is of no one's concern.
No, when I say "it" I refer to the purse. Or whatever they want me to hold.
Gravy Boat
Member
I don't think it's the same, holidays are shared experiences and vehicles are life conveniences. A $10,000 handbag is a vanity item. I'd be far more worried about her expecting things like that on a regular basis, than for you to hold her purse every time you go out together.
Horse Detective
Why the long case?
InfiniteBento
Member
So you can't carry a purse because it has too much shit in it but wearing cargo pants is acceptable?
Okay.
Okay.
Marty Chinn
Member
I actually think it is an interesting discussion but the problem is the discussion is all over the place. The whole masculinity crap though is immature and uninteresting to me. People should let that go, but I do think the whole concept of someone over packing and then being too lazy to deal with their choice and handing it off is something of interest. Especially if that person gets upset when they don't get their way after the choices they've made and even offered a reasonable solution. That also reeks of immaturity and honestly probably not a person I would want to be with as I'm sure this branches out into other issues.
lmao forever
D'ultimate
Member
I didn't realize the purse cost so much.
On second thought, perhaps she didn't want to carry the purse around cause it's cumbersome or whatever but she still wants the purse to be seen due to it's cost/appeal so she wants him to carry it. Everyone would still attribute it to her.
Still a bullshit reason for him to carry it but at least it explains why she wouldn't just put it in the car when it was suggested.
On second thought, perhaps she didn't want to carry the purse around cause it's cumbersome or whatever but she still wants the purse to be seen due to it's cost/appeal so she wants him to carry it. Everyone would still attribute it to her.
Still a bullshit reason for him to carry it but at least it explains why she wouldn't just put it in the car when it was suggested.
cubicle47b
Member
I treat people with respect and don't do any of the things you listed. I expect the same conduct out of people in my inner circle. One of the ways I respect other people is by not saddling them with carrying my stuff when I don't feel like doing it.
I'd never pay anywhere near 10K for a purse and probably couldn't be with someone who did. That's money that should be invested. That said, I don't judge other people for how they choose to live their life.
MisterRoboto
Member
That was meant to be funny, not serious.
I'm still baffled by the stubbornness.. if someone makes a habit of asking for inexplicable favors that's one thing.. but the very first time your SO asks you to carry something without a good reason it's refused on some principle?
And in the case of the OP.. it's refused, and then this is a big enough event to ask a co-worker, and come make a thread on a forum about it?
I just don't get it.. I rarely ask anyone to do anything for me, but I do ask my SO to do things for me from time to time that I'd never ask anyone else to do. And she does the same... if it was some huge lopsided thing it might be worth questioning, but a single instance?
I'm baffled.
My post might have taken it too far, and maybe my theory doesn't fit everyone.. but I still think it relates. Examining every request for how reasonable it is.. being so worried about being a pushover, etc..
I have a brother who is constantly asking for pretty extravagant favors who never makes himself available to return any favors.. he's someone I refuse to help with things often; but it's a pattern of behavior. The first time he asked for such a favor and I did it for him.. I certainly didn't consider myself a pushover. It's just not a correct use of the word; it's not about a solitary request.. it's about it happening a lot over time.
Marty Chinn
Member
But the OP did carry it. It's when she didn't take it back is when the issue came up.
He refused to carry it for her without a big reason to do it. That's what my post is referring to. He returned the purse to her as soon as she started walking and wasn't handing it to him for anything she needed to do.
Why this single instance is some big deal is baffling to me.. same with your psycho analysis of her response. She asked him a simple favor and he refused, and she wasn't happy with that.
How is that a sign of things to come? How does her asking this single favor make her someone you wouldn't want to be with? He's been with her long enough to be buying her a $10,000 purse... and this is apparently the first time she's asked him for such a favor.
Gravy Boat
Member
Maybe he could have approached it better. Instead of just handing it back and saying 'Take it or we can put it in the car', maybe he could have asked her why she didn't want to carry it, or asked her to take it back.
We weren't there so I don't know, but it sounds like he acted like a jerk over it when your first reaction is to walk all the way back to the car and drop it off instead of just carrying it for her.
Marty Chinn
Member
Because if she didn't want to carry it, he offered a reasonable solution by taking it back to the car. That was unacceptable to her and she got upset. That to me is an unreasonable response to a reasonable solution.
This to. I still see no explanation of why he didn't just ask her why she had him carry her bag.
Maybe her back or shoulder were sore?
I'M BAFFLED I TELL YOU!
edit: Nevermind.. I see the edit in the OP.. weird story.. I'm bailing form this thread lol.
cubicle47b
Member
I'd probably do it the first time, but let her know it's not something I'm going to do in the future and she should plan better (I have a terrible memory so I'm not sure we've had that conversation). I don't go out of my way to be an asshole, I just know *some* of the things that will wear on me if they keep happening.
The difference is significant. I have gladly held my wife's purse while she looked at something in the past. But carry her purse the whole time we're shopping? I'd laugh in her face if she asked me to. She knows better than to ask me to do Beta-level shit like that.
Some of these responses are, if not straight up, seem inspired by Redpill/PUA bullshit. Better not do anything nice for a woman without a damn good reason, otherwise you're pussy-whipped! Or a servant, or a pack mule, or whatever. Seriously concerning the way people psychoanalyze their partners.
Marty Chinn
Member
I find it more concerning that a fully developed adult has trouble carrying a purse when their arms and hands aren't otherwise occupied and needs someone else to do it for them.
Souldestroyer Reborn
Banned
Hold up. Hold up. HOLD UP!
This is valuable information that is missing from the OP.
If indeed the purse is 10K's worth then you bet your ass I'd be carrying that fucker.
Also, who the fuck pays 10K for a bag?
How would you react if a same-gender friend asked you to carry a bag around all day with no reason other than "Because I want you to carry it?"
Gravy Boat
Member
No one said she needed someone else to carry it, she just wanted him to carry it. We all get lazy from time to time, it's normal to ask your other half for small favours like that. If you're happy enough with someone to spend 10 grand on a purse, then you should be happy enough with them to carry it once in a while if they ask you to.
I sincerely hope none of you guys ever ask your other half to pass the remote, or pick you up something from the store when they're out, or to make you a coffee while you're getting ready for work etc.
"I'll do it if you buy me a pint"
I wouldn't get into an outrage on the Internet about how they want me to be their pack mule.
I wouldn't do it for a friend, but your SO is more than that.
I preemptively offer to carry my girlfriend's purse for her when we're gonna be out for a while, because she usually has one and I don't. If she asked me to carry it for her, I wouldn't need a reason, I would just do it. Because that's the nice thing to do. And she does the same for me.
Boyfriend is carrying a briefcase. He then inexplicably asks you to carry it for him. He's not tired or sore or busy. He'd just rather not carry it and would prefer you to carry it for him. Would you agree to carry it for him under these conditions?
Marty Chinn
Member
Sure, if she got lazy, but it went from reasonable to unreasonable when she got upset at the notion of him putting it in the car. That's the difference for me. If she got lazy, she shouldn't get upset at the other person for not wanting to carry and she should not get upset if he offered a reasonable solution to the problem which was putting it in the car.
There's a huge difference here though. If the remote is next to me, it's reasonable for my SO to ask me to pass it over to her. If it's right next to her, and she asks me to get up and go around her to give it to her, that's no longer a reasonable request. If I'm out at the store, then it's reasonable for me to get something while I'm already there. If I'm out but she wants me to go clear across town for something that isn't important or needed in a timely manner, then that's unreasonable.
It's a good thing my SO isn't unreasonable.
Sure, because I don't feel the need to interrogate my SO about *why* they want me to carry something.
CitizenCope
Member
The wife and I had a good laugh over this thread last night. She knows I have my insecurities. Worrying about what other people think has always been an issue for me from day 1. She understands my fault and I understand all hers. 
If you want to lump me in with a macho, wife beater shirt wearing, chest bumping dude bro you'd be wrong but go ahead and think that way.
Of course I don't out right say no if she's in a pinch but I've whined about it enough where it's been years since she's asked me.
How I have friends and an 18 year marriage I have no idea.
If you want to lump me in with a macho, wife beater shirt wearing, chest bumping dude bro you'd be wrong but go ahead and think that way.Of course I don't out right say no if she's in a pinch but I've whined about it enough where it's been years since she's asked me.
How I have friends and an 18 year marriage I have no idea.
Okay, what if they told you that is the reason?
half a moon
Banned
Could be a test. Who knows what magazine article she read. One result is being a doormat. One is helping your SO.
I think the best solution is to ask if it's getting too heavy or ask for a reason. Far cry from interrogating. Doing it just because can be nice, sure, but it can also paint both parties negatively if someone is wanting to analyze it.
I think the best solution is to ask if it's getting too heavy or ask for a reason. Far cry from interrogating. Doing it just because can be nice, sure, but it can also paint both parties negatively if someone is wanting to analyze it.
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