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[Jotaro]

Because two plus two equals five. Or maybe the answer to life, the universe and everything is 42? What is the meaning of life? C'est le sens de la vie!

Oh btw, what do you think of my new fallacious novel written by me, a drama queen on an acid trip listening to Pink Floyd while sticking codeine into his throat?

It fucking disgusts me that if the title would have been: "Help me, my brother is beating the fuck out of me, I can't do jack because I'm ill", and the post, just a frowned emoticon, I would not have gotten this dark smartassism. It also disgusts me that you all can benefit from something in your life and yet you make such dumb statements. It also fucking disgusts me that a picture of my blood-filled t-shirt, or my broken games, broken HDTV remote, would have spoken louder than bombs, than a billion words, than the wisest words, than the most touching words. Karl Marx is right, all hail to materialism.

How can some people be inconsequent to THAT point?

Fuck humans. Fuck you materialism zealots, fuck you superficials assholes.

 

[Iceman]

I'm sorry but I'm already in the middle of another novel.

 

[Jotaro]

I'm sorry but I'm already in the middle of another novel.

And so mine bombs.

 

[Iceman]

No no no, I'll read it.. tomorrow.. maybe. You know what, it's a full day tomorrow, let's make it Tuesday.

 

[jooey]

MAN you french dudes are sensitive

 

[Pochacco]

Didn't you hit if off pretty well with that girl the other day?
Forget your family and think about that instead =)

Oh, and how does your avatar not give you a headache? Even I get dizzy when I look at it!

 

[Blackace]

I am a dreamer too! That's why I became a teacher! I love teaching and will do it for the rest of my life, God willing. I can do my part to make the world a better place. Anyone who wants to make a change has to start small....if will all do big things will happen!

 

[NLB2]

All in all, there is no humanism, nor altruism, nor sympathy left in this world, save for parcels of sun which remind us of the past, and we regret it, crying, but it's gone.

Now, I only needed to read this much to realize what the rest of your long ass post is about. Stop bitching!

 

[Jotaro]

MAN you french dudes are sensitive

I can ensure you my tympanums are just the same as yours, only they have a shitload of neuropathical pain caused by tumor-related nervical fuckups that makes me more sensible to sound.

Go listen to Metallica or Iron Maiden for me.

 

[Jotaro]

I am a dreamer too! That's why I became a teacher! I love teaching and will do it for the rest of my life, God willing. I can do my part to make the world a better place. Anyone who wants to make a change has to start small....if will all do big things will happen!

I want to become a teacher. I'd love to teach french to english students, I would be the best for that. Unfortunately, it would require a degree, which I do not have. Maybe someday, but right now for me, only pain is real.

Didn't you hit if off pretty well with that girl the other day?
Forget your family and think about that instead

It went even better than my wildest expectations.

But she had to go back to her place, so she's gone out of my life.

Oh, and how does your avatar not give you a headache? Even I get dizzy when I look at it!

Well, it does not because I blocked it with Ad Muncher. I was proud when Matlock did this for me, so I wanted to put it in there, to show how talented he was. But I never view it. Thanks Matlock.

 

[Iceman]

I want to become a teacher. I'd love to teach french to english students, I would be the best for that. Unfortunately, it would require a degree, which I do not have.

really, it doesn't take much to become a teacher. Yes you need a bachelors but.. well, what do you have? Any college? How hard would it be for you to get a bachelor's degree in anything?

If I get fed up with my scientist track I might just go into teaching. A noble profession indeed. And you could do it anywhere.

 

[Jotaro]

really, it doesn't take much to become a teacher. Yes you need a bachelors but.. well, what do you have? Any college? How hard would it be for you to get a bachelor's degree in anything?

First, to get cured, which I do not know how long.

Second, convince myself to get back to theory, which I only lived by in the last four years, and am fucking sick of.

Third, six years of education. I began College more than six years ago! So disappointed, so sick of the educational system, I don't want to mortage my future only to get hit with welfare and Mcjobs-like salaries and precarity. I always had to give up my sessions, either I'd be too dizzy, or my eyes would make me suffer too much. Of course then, I could enjoy movies, games, music, but since late 2003, never a single time, that would be a death wish.

Damn, when your brothers hits you in the ear, it hurts for a goddamn long time.

 

[Greenpanda]

 

[Jotaro]

Greenpanda, my tears are all genuine, mind you, but yes I am spleen in a whiney, butt-ugly incarnation.

 

[Iceman]

First clear up some things:

1) what disease?

2) did your brother really beat you up? What was that all about?

3) You're a writer correct? (I've been dabbling in writing just recently. Proud to say I lost my first short story contest last week.) Anything vaguely bright in that future?

4) theory (education/degree)?? what are you talking about?

 

[Jotaro]

First clear up some things:

1) what disease?

2) did your brother really beat you up? What was that all about?

3) You're a writer correct? (I've been dabbling in writing just recently. Proud to say I lost my first short story contest last week.) Anything vaguely bright in that future?

4) theory (education/degree)?? what are you talking about?

Zug-zug

1
http://www.ga-forum.com/showthread.php?t=34916
http://www.ga-forum.com/showthread.php?t=34916

2-my brothers, my other one he does that whenever he feels like it and I end up being the devil. Because he can, because I am an universal punching bag, scapegoat, because he is evil. I have to fight my family as well as my brain tumor.

3-See all that I write? My eyes hurt like fuck. I found ways, but save for some typos, I have problems with heavy and dense texts, and cannot edit myself back at all. Not that bad? When one year ago I could type on my keyboard but still not having found an LCD monitor that would not dilate my pupils like melons and burn my retinas to death, I could not even watch my keyboard. With my keyboard under my wraps, without me watching the screen, I learnt how to write coherent sentences. And I got better.

4-I mean, I cannot experience any audio or video stimuli that comes from an electrical form whatsoever. No TV, no games, no anything that has got animations (I got them blocked with ad muncher here), so I have to live in theory, without being able to experience anything, not even being able to go outside, take a wall. I have not done this specific thing since september 2003! And it sucks, because in the fall, the pretty forest behind my place has got the most beautiful maple leaves colors in the world. But such is life, I guess. So when I will be able, I will be sick of books education, I will just feel like experiencing things. Understand more what I mean?

 

[Escape Goat]

Umm....yeah.

 

[Eminem]

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

...not gonna lie, i'm listening to pink floyd now

 

[border]

It's like Loki and Lemurnator had a bastard child, and that child posted a LiveJournal entry.

 

[Jotaro]

not gonna lie, i'm listening to pink floyd now

Another brick in the wall part two, at the end, I knew someone would get my reference.

I never claimed it was my own tough, I just found it was a witty title. That, and I feel like in that album. I want to breakout, I wish.

It's like Loki and Lemurnator had a bastard child, and that child posted a LiveJournal entry.

I wish I'm not a bastard. Livejournal is like speaking alone in a field of crickets, only without the sounds of crickets. If I write crap, I prefer not to tell about it at all. If there is no interaction, then I shall shut up.

Umm....yeah.

Yeah.

 

[Jotaro]

What makes me sad most of all is, this is exactly what I despised in my post. No one takes time to read anymore. I know it was wrong in some senses to post a post that long, but damn, I cannot blame people with being skeptical and being tired of reading with their daily issues, and woes, and preferring to keep on the fun things.

Thing is, I also do the same, I post and read here on GAF, on the Internet, the only hobby that now really remains of my life, to try to forget my problems and make my life shine.

I make myself a bow to read everything people say. It burns my retinas you know, but sure I have got nothing else to do. And sure, that's my choice, so there's no glory that should be related to it, not given, anyway.

I wish so much I could draw. I'd look at the comic strips I made as as child, all filled with incredible imagination and wits, and stories and characters! But my drawings were butt-ugly! I drew, drew and drew, but I could never go beyond that and believe me, I tried fucking hard. I wish I could start a webcomic, I'd make a killing. If only I had the gift to draw. Thomases, as most of you are (and even me in a sense), they will only believe what they see, what they can feel. If only I had any drawing skills.

And my ears still fucking bleed, and will be sensible as fuck for days. Which will not help me cope with a life I desperately try to hang onto. It's a vicious cycle. Really, using a drum onto someone who has hyperacusis to validate your point, I don't think a human can go any lower. How can anyone do such a thing, do you people think there is a reason? I think not. They can do it, no repression, no consequences, they, do it.

Damn, how can you do such things to people you love? Do you really love them? That t-shirt of mine I took off to take a shower, filled with blood stains, that image, I will always have it in my mind, I will never be able to forget it.

 

[Heezzi]

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

What the HELL are you THINK ING?

 

[BojTrek]

I always thought the words were "How can you have any puss-y if you don't beat your meat"

 

[Days like these...]

It's like Loki and Lemurnator had a bastard child, and that child posted a LiveJournal entry.

I was thinking more along the lines of Loki and Reirom cause of the english :lol

 

[Jotaro]

I was thinking more along the lines of Loki and Reirom cause of the english :lol

I speak and write very good english mind you, only, because I pretty much cannot edit myself nor look at the screen at all while typing, letters will be inverted, I will become redundant, and some sentences will make no sense gramatically.

And please do not be mean. I find it quite cheap those kind of jokes, I deem this is not a laughing matter. So if you have nothing else to say than obnoxious cynism, running gags or one-liners, trolling and such, I ask you to please go to another thread.

(or start a Pink Floyd thread related to hidden messages and meanings, or The Wizard of Oz played in synchronicity with DSOTM, or Blade Runner with The Wall, whatever)

 

[lexi]

Jesus, some people can be assholes.

Thanks for posting Jotaro, you're an inspiration to me. I have my own set of problems and difficulties around me, I can really relate to all that you deal with, both in terms of me personally and the people around me.

Nice thread title btw, All you touch and all you see, is all your life will ever be.

 

[Dsal]

So yeah... the extra bad brother. Why do you even let him in your place?

 

[alejob]

Hey my brothers name is Thomas and he aint an asshole.

I first thought this was a vegetarian related thread :lol

And yeah, most people suck, you just have to find the ones that don't and ignore the rest of them.

 

[Jotaro]

So yeah... the extra bad brother. Why do you even let him in your place?

He has a karate black belt, family pressure, blackmail, I cannot defend myself because I cannot exercize, I always sucked at martial arts etc etc. I have no choice.

I remember I was a kid, I did Taekwon do. All the other kids would have colorful belts and dans, and I would still get my ass kicked all the time, and had a white belt. Later I saw Judo, a martial art in which your goal is to not hurt your opponent. Same fucking thing, I bit the ground time after time, I was humiliated, all the others would be level awesome. The ironic thing is, it was my birthday, and I got Final Fantasy for the NES as a gift. That is what made me leave Judo. I was bullied as fuck in school, but I never counter-attacked, I was always afraid of hurting anything or anyone, I never want to use violence. When I first heard my tinnituses in january 1998, I was sure I had a tumor, but much to my despair, it wasn't discovered, and the sceptics were not counfounded, until october 2003.

It is like I am criminal until proven innocent in their minds, they've gone insane, no remorses, no sympathy, no respect, never. Such bastardish, ingrateful relatives. It's so easy to eat the lamb who cannot defend himself. They're telling me something that means: you have drinked the water, I will eat you without a trial, like in the fable. WTF?

What I find bitter and ironic is, I never tought when I began to get really ill, that nearly all my own family would bully me.

 

[Jotaro]

Hey my brothers name is Thomas and he aint an asshole.

I meant Thomas, like Thomas in the bible, who will only believe Christ if he sees him. A Thomas is someone who will only believe what he will see, hear, or feel in a tangible way. Sorry if I offended some of you.

And yeah, most people suck, you just have to find the ones that don't and ignore the rest of them.

When I find them either they are out of reach, don't have time, or they go away in the end. Spleen is always my friend, tough. It, I wish he would leave.

 

[lexi]

I meant Thomas, like Thomas in the bible, who will only believe Christ if he sees him. A Thomas is someone who will only believe what he will see, hear, or feel in a tangible way. Sorry if I offended some of you.

That's Doubting Thomas. Someone isn't just 'a Thomas'.

 

[Jotaro]

That's Doubting Thomas. Someone isn't just 'a Thomas'.

Sorry, I used the expression for a while and everyone always got my point.

 

[lexi]

Sorry, I used the expression for a while and everyone always got my point.

Maybe it's a cultural thing, I dunno. No need for apologies

 

[Jotaro]

Maybe it's a cultural thing, I dunno. No need for apologies

No it's not. And I did the same mistake when I spoke or wrote in french btw. :lol

These people, they will not see the pain in my ears when an heavy object is dropped over my head on the floor, and stuff, but they will act accordingly, like if my pain did not existed, because they don't see blood coming out of my ears. However, it's as real to me, as if they would say, hit their toe against a door and it swollens. And then I call these people Thomases. Thus, my metaphore.

 

[firex]

I think the solution to all your problems is to disconnect your internet connection permanently.

 

[Tabris]

What the fuck is wrong with some of you people...

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know it's kind of an empty statement, but take it for what's it worth. I hope your situation improves.

 

[border]

What makes me sad most of all is, this is exactly what I despised in my post. No one takes time to read anymore.

People read, but not when it looks like it is going to be 2000 words of someone complaining about their awful life and dropping haughty lit/philosophy references.

Though in general I guess people don't like reading long texts off a computer screen.

 

[Dsal]

He has a karate black belt, family pressure, blackmail, I cannot defend myself because I cannot exercize, I always sucked at martial arts etc etc. I have no choice.

I would consider investing in some pepper spray or a taser. Seriously. It's either that or keep getting beat up.

But still. If you have your own place, you're family can't make you open your door for him.

 

[Jotaro]

People read, but not when it looks like it is going to be 2000 words of someone complaining about their awful life and dropping haughty lit/philosophy references.

Though in general I guess people don't like reading long texts off a computer screen.

You are partially right, but over the years, I have noticed people just won't read. I remember when I was young, I'd type a really long and intricate argument that would leave no stone unturned, that would be a whole lot of characters, and someone right after would reply to the same topic and say "that's just fucking gay!" or something in that effect, everyone would laugh at it, people would ignore everything I'd wrote. That made me sad.

Back in the day, I could edit my texts, I could do anything. Today, I do my best and this is it. Even if it somewhat hurts my eyes, I cannot help but to try to change words, edit typos, inverted words and phrases here and there. If I could do everything, that would be a lot more easier to read and less long. I wanted to tell so much but to type as few words as I could. I tought that by making references, that would make it more human, more touching, I hate pretentious attitudes. I was nervous as fuck when I hit the submit thread button.

I hate the advance of forum pics. People just want a cheap thrill, a cheap laugh, pretty much all intelligent humor in society is gone nowadays because of such things.

I think the solution to all your problems is to disconnect your internet connection permanently.

That is all that remains that I can enjoy in life, even if it costs my eyes, I made it so it won't do me hurt in the end. That, or philosophy while sleeping all day in bed.

I would consider investing in some pepper spray or a taser. Seriously. It's either that or keep getting beat up.

But still. If you have your own place, you're family can't make you open your door for him.

Unfortunately, any of these solutions or vindicative requests or rebuttals, would lead to even more revenge. So I have to keep a low-profile, and my human pride in the process. The best is the enemy of good.

I remember the phrase that made me the saddest ever in my life. When I read The Selfish Giant, at the end the Giant says: "Who dared wound thee? I shall slay him with my sword!" I realized no one would ever step up to even calm down anyone who'd insult or beat me up or mess with my goods or lose them, ever. My brothers, who loathed one another, would just tell me a paraphrase of "fuck off". My sister she's at the University now, left the house, does not want to know about her family. She borrowed my stuff without my permission. Stupid fucking bitch, she does not do so anymore.


Mom would have to deal with two little twat teens in their pre-teen crisis and she raised them alone, and got so saturated, that it was always easier to use me as a scapegoat. for everything. Dad, far away, would not dare to do anything (they divorced), and when there, he would have all my family speaking of me like if I was a nihilist, when I am in fact a humanist. Never would listen, nor defend his own son.


Relatives? Either one of these answers:

-I don't have time.
-Sorry, I prefer to stay out of this. But I'm really sorry, I hope for the best, Jotaro.
-Try to adapt yourself. (that's all I ever did, geniuses)
-Ignore them! (they will sometimes come straight to me, duh)
-Why don't you move out? (because of money? because it took me weeks to finetune my room, my place to my liking, and I could never find another house, room, place, where I could do anything but suffer like fuck?)
-(Insert some ignorant and sometimes blunt criticism here)


Yep. Each and everytime, I tought of that phrase of the Giant and cried to tears in my bed, and went to sleep with a wet pillow. No one will ever come to defend my ass. Live and let die.

 

[Dsal]

Unfortunately, any of these solutions or vindicative requests or rebuttals, would lead to even more revenge. So I have to keep a low-profile, and my human pride in the process. The best is the enemy of good.

If you truly don't want to play the "lamb" role anymore, fight back or move farther away. I know you have special circumstances with the illness, but if you don't look out for your own safety to the best of your ability, you'll only be able to look forward to more of the same.

If no one else will protect you, the responsibility to protect yourself lies with you.

I still don't understand why you open your door when this guy comes over.

 

[Jotaro]

If you truly don't want to play the "lamb" role anymore, fight back or move farther away. I know you have special circumstances with the illness, but if you don't look out for your own safety to the best of your ability, you'll only be able to look forward to more of the same.

If I was to fight back, I would be a one-man army. If I was to protest in any way, these hypocritical brothers and the family I have would make me suffer in the most vile way. It's not fun to lurk in the shadows and the pill is hard to swallow, but that is the only way I can live, man.

I looked hard enough, man. I am sensible to lights, to patterns, to noises, I cannot even go outside. How the hell can I know I can even tolerate some place I cannot even go to? I can't even go outside, I have to stay inside my place for literally WEEKS man! And if by some Act of God I would find a place I could tolerate, how can I know it will not change in the future? Everything changes! If my eyes are so fucked up and I am stuck, I do not want to die, man. If a metalhead in another appartment would make his music play at the loudest, I cannot even go to him to tell him to keep the volume low because I have to protect my ears! Because of my eyes and ears, I wouldn't even be able to move out! And if I was able to tell him and he has a drop of evil, well, it's game over.


Such a situation, literraly would equal SUICIDE, man. And I want to live and to enjoy life. Yes my life stinks, but I am alive and somehow well, and I stand tall. I do not want to die, and this is the only way for me to do so, unfortunately.

If no one else will protect you, the responsibility to protect yourself lies with you.

This I know, this I also do, with my very limited devices. And should I call the police? If I was to do that, they'd disappear. They'd put me into jail. Just because I am sensible to light and sound because of my brain damage, they can fool pretty much anyone that I am insane, which I am not, never was, and never will be as long as I live. I talked with a lot of people who had hyperacusis on the net. Do you know how easy it is, just by going to an hospital to get stuck in a sanitarium? Kid's stuff, man. Think of that, and think of my family, and my brothers. That is a scary tough. That is a condition I do not deserve, because I have no reasons to stay in a mongoloids and schyzos prison, because I have nothing to do with any mental illness. And I am not depressive, and I never was. Neither I am mentally unstable, not even remotely close. I don't want to rot in those places, I visited my friend which I did not see since many years ago, and I had discovered out of the blue (in the hospital, for a blood thest), she was schyzophrenic.


Me visiting her. Me witnessing fucking clueless shrinks enforcing tons of dangerouns pills into her innocent throat without she even knew what happened. Her parents blackmailing her. Me hearing their parents about forsaking her (which I think by now they did), and me resisting to punch these heartless bastards in their miserable faces. Me visiting my friend, seeing her crying, and in the end, not being able to help her. Me seeing the personal treat these poor people like chimps in a zoo. These places, they are worse than hell man. There is so much human depravity in there, I do not even want to describe anything. You think while thinking of it all I want to have anything to do with that? Never. Somehow, my brothers seem less hostile, as illogical as it may sound. But where I am, at least, I have control, I have rights, I can keep some pride. There, I would not see the light of day ever. I visited hell to see a fallen friend; I never want to go to hell.

I wish, maybe in an utopian way, I had an Eden, because genuinely, I feel that I deserve it, do I?

I still don't understand why you open your door when this guy comes over.

I already told you about these reasons, but there are more. I think if you really think of what my family does to me, you'd gather some of them. But let me just tell you this: by using sound at the maximum volume, nearby my place, without me being able to do anything, I do not stand a choice but to open and fall to their mean ways. They did that often. Oh, and they did that with our piano when I was with them, and my brother who is also a DRUMMER. It gives me shills just thinking of it, it makes my ears bleed just typing this. Just to argue!

And these are supposed to be the people I love? It's live and let die! Not even that, it's live, let die, and make you fall! They often told me unspeakable things that make me want to go outside and jump from a bridge so I can die from the impact, but I can make a drift of what they sometimes say to me: if to the bottoms of hell I might ever go, you sure shall follow.

Dammit.

 

[MrAngryFace]

WHEN INTELLECTUALS ATTACK! FALL FOX SEASON!

*Snore*

 

[Jotaro]

MrAngryFace, I hope Cartoon Network or HBO will pick-up the show after it's cancelled by Fox.

 

[whytemyke]

Generally, I can understand that it's really tough. But if you stick it out through all this stuff, you'll be able to wake up every day once you're healthy and completely appreciate every moment of it, unlike most people who live normally.

It's not much, but at least it's a silver lining

 

[Jotaro]

Generally, I can understand that it's really tough. But if you stick it out through all this stuff, you'll be able to wake up every day once you're healthy and completely appreciate every moment of it, unlike most people who live normally.

It's not much, but at least it's a silver lining

I don't know how much steam I have left in my engine, it's a good engine, it's been what seven years? That's really long! I'm sometimes afraid I might run out of steam, so far, so good.

I want to be able to play Duke Nukem Forever when it comes out. :lol