How to Cut Someone Out Of Your Life?

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Anyone know a nice way to cut someone out of your life? Like how to drive the conversation and interactions down to zero without them ever realizing it happened until it's too awkward for them to find you again?

I've never cut an adult out before in my adult life and I'm having trouble nailing down the intellectual strategy. I want them to think highly of me when I'm gone, but also definitely be long gone from their grasp.

EDIT: Sounds like the consensus is that there's no way to force him away in peace. Just ignore him forever. And no, I am not saying I want him to think highly of me for my own ego. I want him to have an easy time with it drifting away, rather than finding out it's over by me being mean.

Edit 2:

CannonO said:
Mission accomplished-

WRtJLL4bD5WrC.gif
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Jus t stop talking with them. Or if you have an issue with them you can actually talk to them about it and try to solve it. That's what adults should do.
 
You sound like a really cool guy.

Really though, you want someone out of your life that badly but still need them to think highly of you?

You funnyman!
 
It amuses me that you no longer want to have someone in your live but for some reason, you still want them to remember you fondly. Make up your mind, dude.

When I cut off my former best friend, I just dropped him. No contact or anything.
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Yeah, that's what my former best friend did to me too. It felt great.
 
CannonO said:
Anyone know a nice way to cut someone out of your life? Like how to drive the conversation and interactions down to zero without them ever realizing it happened until it's too awkward for them to find you again?

I've never cut an adult out before in my adult life and I'm having trouble nailing down the intellectual strategy. I want them to think highly of me when I'm gone, but also definitely be long gone from their grasp.
Click to expand...

Just stop talking to them. Why are you trying to force complex maneuvers into something thats done simply by doing that thing.
 
I've had to end friendships with a few people before. It sucks, but sometimes people's personal issues can be harmful to you enough that you have to separate. Unfortunately there isn't a nice way to do it. You have to drop all contact immediately and stick to it. It's better if you can tell them that you have to do it first.
 
I don't know, but all I know is that it hurts when a really good friend stops responding or calling without me ever knowing why. Is this person a really close friend? or something else?
 
The only way is to make them feel like it's their fault, then act awkwardly in their presence, as if trying to avoid their gaze or interest. Laugh with other people then act slightly inconvenienced when they try to understand what's so funny. When they ask about it, say "what? oh, don't mind me i'm always like that!" then go back to the usual process.
 
xxracerxx said:
Need more details.
Click to expand...

This person was a friend at work for a short while, then became a casual hookup. But then this person got somehow extremely invested calling it an "affair" to their partner with whom they have a long term open relationship. He's in his late 40s, so I really expected him to be a bit more resistant to this kind of desperation, but I was wrong.

Now he has been texting me daily, sometimes 5 times a day, despite me not responding for sometimes over two weeks, and saying no more than a cold sentence or two to try and be very clear that he is just a casual friend.

I told him a few months ago in person that I couldn't do more than friends and ended the hooking up. He has continued texting everyday. The texts are sappy, sometimes begging me to see him, saying he misses me, sending emoticons and hearts. It pains me with anxiety now.

This person may go on for months texting me sentimentally, unaware of the end if I just block his number.

I don't want to be mean and blindside him or just ignore him. I'm trying to force this thing to drift away in his mind. That seems nicer.

Florida Man said:
Text them pictures of your dick every time they try to text / call / talk to you.
Click to expand...

That's what he wants.
 
Would need some more details but there's really no nice way to do it to be honest. I basically just stop cold turkey *no contact, deleted every number and ignore everything they said or attempts* because I knew they wouldn't want truth bombs.

I'm much happier for doing it though.
 
CannonO said:
Anyone know a nice way to cut someone out of your life? Like how to drive the conversation and interactions down to zero without them ever realizing it happened until it's too awkward for them to find you again?

I've never cut an adult out before in my adult life and I'm having trouble nailing down the intellectual strategy. I want them to think highly of me when I'm gone, but also definitely be long gone from their grasp.
Click to expand...

Don't bother.

Delete their contact details, don't respond if they contact you, be short (but polite) if you have to interact with them in person.
 
jb1234 said:
It amuses me that you no longer want to have someone in your live but for some reason, you still want them to remember you fondly. Make up your mind, dude.



Yeah, that's what my former best friend did to me too. It felt great.
Click to expand...

See, you are saying you didn't like being dropped. So how do I get rid of someone without them feeling the bad drop? I don't want him to think fondly of me just for my sake. I'm trying to let it become small to him too.

Plywood said:
You're just swell.
Click to expand...
 
CannonO said:
See, you are saying you didn't like being dropped. So how do I get rid of someone without them feeling the bad drop? I don't want him to think fondly of me just for my sake. I'm trying to let it become small to him too.
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You can't. You're going to hurt this person, one way or another. You just have to accept that, if he's having a negative impact on your life.
 
Say you're busy with something for as long as you can then just stop answering calls or texts. Don't even read them. Get a new number. This is easier if there's some geographic distance separating you. Pretend to be sick or asleep if he tries to make physical contact.
 
CannonO said:
This person was a friend at work for a short while, then became a casual hookup. But then this person got somehow extremely invested calling it an "affair" to their partner with whom they have a long term open relationship. He's in his late 40s, so I really expected him to be a bit more resistant to this kind of desperation, but I was wrong.

Now he has been texting me daily, sometimes 5 times a day, despite me not responding for sometimes over two weeks, and saying no more than a cold sentence or two to try and be very clear that he is just a casual friend.

I told him a few months ago in person that I couldn't do more than friends and ended the hooking up. He has continued texting everyday. The texts are sappy, sometimes begging me to see him, saying he misses me, sending emoticons and hearts. It pains me with anxiety now.

This person may go on for months texting me sentimentally, unaware of the end if I just block his number.

I don't want to be mean and blindside him or just ignore him. I'm trying to force this thing to drift away in his mind. That seems nicer.



That's what he wants.
Click to expand...

Well, I think the truth is always easiest. If you want to end it on a somewhat friendly and respectful note, just tell/text him once saying "Listen, I'm sorry but you're taking this more seriously than I am. We had a great time but I'm moving on with my life. Good luck, etc." You can even tell him you're changing your number because his texts are making you uncomfortable. Sometimes it is what it is. It's not healthy for him either to keep putting so much hope in something happening. Be honest about how you see the situation, and the ball is in his court after that.

Trying to find a sneaky way of avoiding any uncomfortable moments just leads to more trouble. Honesty is always easier and more respectful towards the other.
 
Instead of removing someone from instant messengers/social networks, just remove automatic notifications.

That way you still appear to be friends yet you don't get bothered.

Or to cut the passive aggressive bullshit, just tell them how you feel and move on.
 
Do exactly what you've described. Cut the conversations down to zero and forget about them.

I've done that with several ex-friends or people who weren't a good impact on my life or my friends' lives. Also, with ex-girlfriends it's always basically been ending communication entirely, which is tough, but w/e.

*edit*

after reading... I'm sure you've told him "This has to stop," But if not, you have to tell him "this has to stop" and that you can't have any relationship with him, friend or otherwise, with his behavior. And then you can just completely cut him out of your life. Sounds like he's a real pill.
 
CannonO said:
He sounds so desperate
in a way that is so lame it sickens me now and I can't take it
so I want to end it, but not hurt him.
Click to expand...

Why are you forgoing your own comfort and sanity for one person you just admitted sickens you? You're going to hurt him but you can't control how he feels.
 
Boem said:
Well, I think the truth is always easiest. If you want to end it on a somewhat friendly and respectful note, just tell/text him once saying "Listen, I'm sorry but you're taking this more seriously than I am. We had a great time but I'm moving on with my life. Good luck, etc." You can even tell him you're changing your number because his texts are making you uncomfortable. Sometimes it is what it is. It's not healthy for him either to keep putting so much hope in something happening. Be honest about how you see the situation, and the ball is in his court after that.

Trying to find a sneaky way of avoiding any uncomfortable moments just leads to more trouble. Honesty is always easier and more respectful towards the other.
Click to expand...

I think I have too much anxiety to be honest. Honest is my last resort. I'm praying for a rad idea to get him away. Like fake move away to the arctic, but in a believable way. Just slow communication to a peaceful halt and have him think I still liked him so he isn't more sad about whatever it is I was.
 
TriniTrin said:
Jus t stop talking with them. Or if you have an issue with them you can actually talk to them about it and try to solve it. That's what adults should do.
Click to expand...

I have someone in my life that neither of these things will work on. He's a cousin of mine and nearly 40 years old. Not only that, he's so dense that he literally does not get any hints anyone gives him. None, 0, nada, ziltch, nothing. And to top it off, all he talks about is Knight Rider and terrible horror movies from the 80s. He has been like this for at least 15 years. He can't even do simple math correctly, yet graduated high school and is working towards an assistant teaching degree. Oh yeah, and he can't do things like text or anything. The most internet he ever had was dial up and he doesn't even have that now. The guy needs mental help, but his mom is hardcore religious type.

I feel for you OP.
 
I know the feeling, and it sucks when someone doesn't get a hint.

Don't give the person false hope, they will keep coming back.

Don't really have any advice, except I sympathize with your situation as presented in the OP.
 
Like who the heck is married and in their late 40s and has time to text someone who doesn't respond with sentiment every day? Someone who needs to be let down real easy and not notice me doing it hopefully. That's who.

But sounds like I can't get away that easily.
 
jb1234 said:
You can't. You're going to hurt this person, one way or another. You just have to accept that, if he's having a negative impact on your life.
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Yeah, it's just inevitable if you're cutting contact with someone who still wants to be in your life.

I had to break off contact with a very old friend a couple of years ago. We were very close when we were young, drifted apart and reconnected. She expected to pick things up right where we had left off as teenagers, but I saw that we had grown up to be two completely different adults, and the person she'd become wasn't someone I wanted to be around. I just stopped talking to her. She messaged me on Facebook a few times but eventually got the hint.

The thing to remember is that you can only control you. You can't control someone else's feelings. My ex-friend is probably out there telling other people bad things about me and about the way I cut her off. But I can't control whether or not she does that. I felt very guilty and unhappy at the prospect and it was only when I accepted that I couldn't control what she did either way that I stopped feeling bad about what happened.
 
CannonO said:
I think I have too much anxiety to be honest. Honest is my last resort. I'm praying for a rad idea to get him away. Like fake move away to the arctic, but in a believable way. Just slow communication to a peaceful halt and have him think I still liked him so he isn't more sad about whatever it is I was.
Click to expand...

Yeah can't help you with that. Honestly, I've been on his side of the conversation (although not the semi-stalking part). There were relationships that ended while I was still madly in love. One girl did what you did, because she didn't want to hurt me but at the same time wanted a completely different life. Believe me, I prefer the alternative by a large margin. Honesty is always the best. It's quick, clean, nobody gets bullshitted and it can hurt like a sonofabitch. But at least I knew where I was - the feeling of waiting, hoping, and not knowing what was going on (and the pain that followed, which was still just as bad only it lasted much longer) was way, way worse. Sometimes you just need closure.

I understand that it may not seem fair to you because it just seemed like a hookup to you, but it was more to him. You seem to hold him in high enough regard that you don't want to hurt his feelings, which makes me think that he's at least worth the truth.

Or you can just think of a crazy scheme and bullshit your way through it. If you're not going to be honest with him, just stay silent and wait it out. There's no easy way out of something like this. I'd highly recommend just saying where you stand, plainly and clearly, and cutting out all contact with him after that.
 
I was gonna jump in and say that you're an asshole. But then I read this...
CannonO said:
This person was a friend at work for a short while, then became a casual hookup. But then this person got somehow extremely invested calling it an "affair" to their partner with whom they have a long term open relationship. He's in his late 40s, so I really expected him to be a bit more resistant to this kind of desperation, but I was wrong.

Now he has been texting me daily, sometimes 5 times a day, despite me not responding for sometimes over two weeks, and saying no more than a cold sentence or two to try and be very clear that he is just a casual friend.

I told him a few months ago in person that I couldn't do more than friends and ended the hooking up. He has continued texting everyday. The texts are sappy, sometimes begging me to see him, saying he misses me, sending emoticons and hearts. It pains me with anxiety now.

This person may go on for months texting me sentimentally, unaware of the end if I just block his number.

I don't want to be mean and blindside him or just ignore him. I'm trying to force this thing to drift away in his mind. That seems nicer.



That's what he wants.
Click to expand...
I think you're better off just being honest. Say it straight up and cut contact completely. I don't think you're going to walk away with him thinking highly of you either way.
 
Just keep bailing from invites and generally be unreliable for hangouts. They'll stop inviting you to things and generally feel you won't show up (not because they hate you just because you're unreliable). You have to make them not want to hang out with you.
 
UFO said:
tell him you have a venereal disease.
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Nah, I already cut off the physical stuff months ago. It's the emotional side that he's really built into something and I want to manufacture a drifting friendship.

Like I have old best friends that I drifted from but still think are great people and there's no specific reason I can recall for us drifting apart. That seems like a nice way to be out of someone's life.

I was hoping someone would know a way to make that happen (perhaps unrealistic, but I can hope).
 
CannonO said:
This person was a friend at work for a short while, then became a casual hookup. But then this person got somehow extremely invested calling it an "affair" to their partner with whom they have a long term open relationship. He's in his late 40s, so I really expected him to be a bit more resistant to this kind of desperation, but I was wrong.

Now he has been texting me daily, sometimes 5 times a day, despite me not responding for sometimes over two weeks, and saying no more than a cold sentence or two to try and be very clear that he is just a casual friend.

I told him a few months ago in person that I couldn't do more than friends and ended the hooking up. He has continued texting everyday. The texts are sappy, sometimes begging me to see him, saying he misses me, sending emoticons and hearts. It pains me with anxiety now.

This person may go on for months texting me sentimentally, unaware of the end if I just block his number.

I don't want to be mean and blindside him or just ignore him. I'm trying to force this thing to drift away in his mind. That seems nicer.



That's what he wants.
Click to expand...
I mean, as long as ur letting him know that you are not ever going to hook up ever again... I dont see the harm in entertaining his texts. It never hurts to have a friend. U never know when you may need him. Unless he is a very disagreable person that you cant trust, i dont see why you dont take advantage of the relationship... Even if he is sentimentally/sexually pushy.

I had a similar relationship in college. I never wanted to hook up with this girl, but she was so desparate(completely disregarded the fact that she had a boyfriend at the time and only told me way after), and i was cruel enough to play along and then finally had to tell her that i wont ever need a girlfriend for a long time after she inccesently hinted at us being in a relationship. I told her i valued the friendship a lot, cuz she was brilliant and she gave me drive and she was very caring and she brought that trait out of me to. We hooked up less and less and i just spoke to her less frequently... And i guess out of pride, she basically cut all ties with me. I was and might still be upset, since i ginuenly cared about her as a friend, but i guess its my fault for not being tactful in how i handled the situation.

Be carefu, is all i have to say.
 
Someone did this to me once. I'm kind of in awe of the efficiency and cold-bloodedness of it.

She threw an annual Thanksgiving party that I've attended every single year since its inception, which was like 8 years ago at that point. I never got an invite. Called up a friend, who told me I shouldn't show up. The girl never said a word.
 
Elrond Hubbard said:
Someone did this to me once. I'm kind of in awe of the efficiency and cold-bloodedness of it.

She threw an annual Thanksgiving party that I've attended every single year since its inception, which was like 8 years ago at that point. I never got an invite. Called up a friend, who told me I shouldn't show up. The girl never said a word.
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Motha fuu... Gatdamn. No offense to you if u still care for her, but that is a cold hearted bitch. Fuck no, she should have confronted you. What a coward, that you had to hear it from a mutual friend... Fuck.
 
You stop talking, you are cutting the person from your life, who cares about their feelings. Not like you will be around to listen to them bitch about you.
 
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