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[Bob White]

http://s42.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=1LZUFQEEGSXTO3P920H4U42Q5C

There it is, boys! My new baby! The sixth big time hollywood script I've written. Empty Containers! This is the one! The one that makes me some fucking money! winner winner chicken dinnah!!!

Anyway, I'd love for any of you guys to read it and tell me how fucking good it is and all. Maybe even tell me what should be taken out or changed. But I'm sure none of that will need to be done....you know, since it's so fucking good.

It's in pdf format and still a tiny bit rough around the edges. But it's still money. Hell, I guarantee that once you reach page ten you'll not want to stop reading. (I hope)

Snakes of a Plane ain't got shit on this.

 

[Crow]

are you serious? :lol

You nearly had me until the Giant Robots.

 

[Ghost]

Ok im reading it, thought you might want errors pointed out so heres one:

Page 4.

Roy is ready his paper.

Should be Reading i guess?

Will post reactions later.

 

[Bob White]

:lol

VERY serious! Just keep reading and give it a chance. :lol

And yeah, still some typos here and there. But its still readable. I think...

 

[Triumph]

Come on now. My cat is a better writer than Lucas.

 

[Crow]

I would suggest more narration at the start, make it a very Max Payne/Fight Club:

NARRATOR (Charley) 'right then and there, I watched countless lives, blind with terror clinging to what they imagined was their last breath. I felt a world apart from these people, like some outworldly observer of a tragedy frozen in time; and as I watched Roy stare hopelesly at the pictures of his son and daughter, and young school kids cling white knuckled to the seat rails, I wished I could just undo it all... I would give everything up to save these people. I would sell my soul to the devil to save them'

Charley (whisper): I would sell my soul...to the devil


yeah, im definetly no writer, just my thoughts.

 

[robertsan21]

great start i like it, but the robots thing just didnt feel right, but i have not yet finished reading it, so i will come back when i have read it all.

great so far

good work

 

[Crow]

dude...how much child rape do you want to put in this?

 

[MrPing1000]

*prints out*

*catches flight to hollywood*

 

[Bob White]

NARRATOR (Charley) 'right then and there, I watched countless lives, blind with terror clinging to what they imagined was their last breath. I felt a world apart from these people, like some outworldly observer of a tragedy frozen in time; and as I watched Roy stare hopelesly at the pictures of his son and daughter, and young school kids cling white knuckled to the seat rails, I wished I could just undo it all... I would give everything up to save these people. I would sell my soul to the devil to save them'

Thats pretty freaking good. Oh, and the child abuse might get the ax. Everyone so far hates it and thinks it should go.

 

[ronito]

Yes. Yes. But do you hate sand?

 

[Justin Bailey]

Ummmmmmmmmkay, I'd probably have to be strapped down clockwork orange-style to watch this.

 

[madara]

Yes. Yes. But do you hate sand?

Yes. Its coarse and rough and it gets all over.

 

[Talas]

It sounds like DBZ with less spikey hair and more soul-selling.

 

[Xenon]

I can write better than George Lucas....and I have PROOF!

I can do cinematography better than Stevie Wonder.

 

[Mr Mike]

If the train is in darkness so Roy can't read his paper how can Charley even see Roy's photograph?

 

[Mr Mike]

double post

 

[Talas]

If the train is in darkness so Roy can't read his paper how can Charley even see Roy's photograph?

He sold 1/8 of his soul for night vision.

 

[Chipopo]

This script would make one HELLUVA Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode. Honestly I would watch this movie in theaters 20 dozen times. It's the greatest thing that has ever happened.

EDIT 1:

The power from Patrick's punch makes the monster explode instantly

Holy shit I think my capillaries just ruptured with awesome.

EDIT 2:

The other monsters notice and stop attacking the other people in the bar.

PATRICK
(To the Monster's)
Yeah, I'm sick with it.

 

[Warm Machine]

"Yeah I don't. Have to pay student loan and keep my folks happy. So I had to get this a job."

 

[Chipopo]

I read that whole thing. My brain has transmuted to rubber. Life is a hollow shell of what it once was. I need to have a good cry.




For anyone who wants to save a couple hours, here's the final line (really!):

Spoiler

GOD
Hello, I'm God.
(yelling)
Don't sell your soul to the devil!!!!
(calm)
Thank you.

THE END

.

 

[Hitman]

I read that whole thing. My brain has transmuted to rubber. Life is a hollow shell of what it once was. I need to have a good cry.




For anyone who wants to save a couple hours, here's the final line (really!):



.

:lol

 

[Bob White]

:lol

Man, you guys rock. Making me laugh at the stupidity of my own script. That's talent.

If the train is in darkness so Roy can't read his paper how can Charley even see Roy's photograph?

Can't believe I missed that. Thanks for pointing it out.


Thanks for reading all of it, Chipopo. Spoiler tag that shit! :lol

 

[Chipopo]

What's the title of this movie? I have a few suggestions:

MONSTER EXPLOSION: YEAH, I'M SICK WITH IT

-------

SOULS ON A TRAIN

-------

PEDOPHELIAC ROMP THROUGH CANDY LAND: THIS molestation montage will leave you SCREAMING....for more!

------

NO CURE FOR THE COMMON COLD: WHY THE FUCK WON'T THE NARRATOR STOP COUGHING...ALSO HE'S SATAN! WTF PLOT TWIST SPOILED!

 

[Bob White]

:lol

Its called Empty Containers.

Bad name, but really, what else can you call this thing?

MONSTER EXPLOSION: YEAH, I'M SICK WITH IT

:lol Shit. This script IS a money maker. If ga can make me laugh at somthing, it's the real deal!