BlitzEngineer
Member
This NYE I was single for the first time in a few years, and I decided I was going to fly back up to New York to hang with my parents and see some old friends. It's the busy season for my work and so I had a pretty compact vacation of five days, two of those travel days. I bought tickets to a show on NYE but besides that had no concrete plans so I go ahead and text a bunch of people weeks in advance that I'm going to be up there and that I'm trying to get some people together on the 30th for some bar crawling.
The 30th is good for most people, they're all home with no plans that Friday. Sweet, I'm thinking we hang out with a mutual friend in Stamford and check out what the town has to offer. It's a nice area in CT with lots of cool bars and a younger vibe (although pretty expensive). We had never hung out there, and it was a decent in between spot for my firends who live in the city and those that live in the burbs. Everybody says they're down for that, get a good group of 5 or 6 people who all say they're good a week in advance. Make some tentative plans to carpool, start a group chat. I was pretty excited.
Fly up there, hang with my parents the first day. That night, the friend we know in Stamford, call him Steve, texts me and tells me his girlfriend made some plans without his knowledge and that he's going to have to try and join us later. I call him and he gives me suggestions for where to go, where to park ect. The places he's suggesting look sweet so even though I'm disappointed he might not make it I'm still stoked to be going down there.
Well, my younger friends who are in the burbs find out that Steve might not make it and start to talk amongst themselves. Eventually the guy who was going to drive a bunch of us down texts me and says he's not sure he wants to make the trip to Stamford if Steve isn't gonna be there. I tell him our friends from the city are already planning on meeting there, and that they probably wouldn't come up for something local since it's a much bigger trip for them. I had already made plans for where to go anyway.
He tells me he's still not sure and that he'll have to see what's going on tomorrow. Of course everyone else follows his lead since he's the only one with a car that can really fit enough people, and the others sort of make their own plans since now we might not have a solid ride. I end up having to tell our city friends not to come up since at this point I'm not even sure I can get there since I don't have a car until later when my parents don't need theirs. They're pretty bummed but tell me to come to their NYE party in Brooklyn after the show.
Day of, and I text the group that if we aren't going to Stamford we should at least do something local. Nothing. Takes two hours for someone to reply and say they're doing something else. Nobody else responds. I let people know I'll be hanging at a local bar for awhile since I wasn't doing anything. Two of them say they'll be there, then nobody shows.
Felt pretty terrible that night. Had all these plans, felt like I put in some real effort, and everyone seems just completely disinterested. I find out later that most of them really weren't doing anything, they just decided to go to the gym that night and were too tired afterward to meet up with me. Luckily I had the show on NYE to look forward to.
And it was awesome (Snarky Puppy at Irving Plaza) but surprise surprise I end up having to sell my extra ticket and go alone. Was still a fantastic show, and afterwards I made it over to Brooklyn to see my other friends. So the trip wasn't a total wash, and of course seeing my parents was great, but I still kinda feel like shit that all these people flaked on me after I flew up to see them and made all these plans.
So now my instinct is to just drop these people, and stop putting effort forth with no reciprocation. Thing is I know these people don't dislike me or anything, it's just hard to get them to go out. So if I don't put effort in to corral them, I'm really just never going to get to hang with them. And that's depressing because that means my circle of friends back home is way smaller.
TLDR; Flew across the country, made plans, they all flaked. I'd feel better if I actually hadn't made any plans or had just saved my money and worked through the holiday.
Thanks GAF. Just wanted to vent.
The 30th is good for most people, they're all home with no plans that Friday. Sweet, I'm thinking we hang out with a mutual friend in Stamford and check out what the town has to offer. It's a nice area in CT with lots of cool bars and a younger vibe (although pretty expensive). We had never hung out there, and it was a decent in between spot for my firends who live in the city and those that live in the burbs. Everybody says they're down for that, get a good group of 5 or 6 people who all say they're good a week in advance. Make some tentative plans to carpool, start a group chat. I was pretty excited.
Fly up there, hang with my parents the first day. That night, the friend we know in Stamford, call him Steve, texts me and tells me his girlfriend made some plans without his knowledge and that he's going to have to try and join us later. I call him and he gives me suggestions for where to go, where to park ect. The places he's suggesting look sweet so even though I'm disappointed he might not make it I'm still stoked to be going down there.
Well, my younger friends who are in the burbs find out that Steve might not make it and start to talk amongst themselves. Eventually the guy who was going to drive a bunch of us down texts me and says he's not sure he wants to make the trip to Stamford if Steve isn't gonna be there. I tell him our friends from the city are already planning on meeting there, and that they probably wouldn't come up for something local since it's a much bigger trip for them. I had already made plans for where to go anyway.
He tells me he's still not sure and that he'll have to see what's going on tomorrow. Of course everyone else follows his lead since he's the only one with a car that can really fit enough people, and the others sort of make their own plans since now we might not have a solid ride. I end up having to tell our city friends not to come up since at this point I'm not even sure I can get there since I don't have a car until later when my parents don't need theirs. They're pretty bummed but tell me to come to their NYE party in Brooklyn after the show.
Day of, and I text the group that if we aren't going to Stamford we should at least do something local. Nothing. Takes two hours for someone to reply and say they're doing something else. Nobody else responds. I let people know I'll be hanging at a local bar for awhile since I wasn't doing anything. Two of them say they'll be there, then nobody shows.
Felt pretty terrible that night. Had all these plans, felt like I put in some real effort, and everyone seems just completely disinterested. I find out later that most of them really weren't doing anything, they just decided to go to the gym that night and were too tired afterward to meet up with me. Luckily I had the show on NYE to look forward to.
And it was awesome (Snarky Puppy at Irving Plaza) but surprise surprise I end up having to sell my extra ticket and go alone. Was still a fantastic show, and afterwards I made it over to Brooklyn to see my other friends. So the trip wasn't a total wash, and of course seeing my parents was great, but I still kinda feel like shit that all these people flaked on me after I flew up to see them and made all these plans.
So now my instinct is to just drop these people, and stop putting effort forth with no reciprocation. Thing is I know these people don't dislike me or anything, it's just hard to get them to go out. So if I don't put effort in to corral them, I'm really just never going to get to hang with them. And that's depressing because that means my circle of friends back home is way smaller.
TLDR; Flew across the country, made plans, they all flaked. I'd feel better if I actually hadn't made any plans or had just saved my money and worked through the holiday.
Thanks GAF. Just wanted to vent.
