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[Bruce Springsteen]

So Steve is the glue that keeps everyone together

 

[BeforeU]

Well looks like your friends are not exactly a friend material. They sound like bunch of jerks. You did nothing wrong. But you did misjudge them, and flew all the way there.

 

[LegendofDragoonLives]

Originally Posted by sleverfunk

sleverfunk

sleve

steve

Mother fucking Steve.

lol

That sucks OP. For big plans, I usually either plan with a lady or my really close friends. There was one time people shit the bed that I can remember though thanks to one of my friends :S

I did go to Toronto with some of my friends and told my other buddy we were coming down 3 weeks in advance, which is an ok time but also not a very early notification since it's TO. We go there and no real plans get made. My date at the time was with her friends (I came with my buddies, not her). I remember at some point 2 days we we were in TO still with no plans (...) my buddy from TO asks us at some point to look and find something. I responded with "we're not from fucking Toronto dude, you should know much better".. Either way, I got us to get my group of the boys to meet my date and her friends at a spot thankfully.

Then on the night of like 2 hours early before leaving, the guy's (who lives in TO) girlfriend invites her gay best friend. To a conversation that I didn't even know, they decide to go elsewhere last second. There was some place near their apartment completely not giving a shit that I found spot both parties could meet together. So we leave late and even then decide not to go there but end up at some fucking Mexican cheese restaurant (wish I could be making this up). Problem at this point is that we're so far away that taxis don't even send one at their locations straight DT, they wouldn't take me... I was basically trying not to look like a pouty little baby while we were at this random restaurant.

But I did get a happy ending. My date managed to convince a cab driver who said he couldn't take her to my location either, but she gave him the spiel about the 12:00 kiss etc etc, so he took her to my place. The MVP of that night is definitely the cab driver whoever he is (followed by my date), I gave him a good tip because of it when he came. Spent less than an hour before 12 and we stayed there a little bit. My date's two bffs friends came and picked both of us and we hung out at another location. Enjoyed the rest of the night afterwards. So thankfully clutchness by the cab driver and my date the end of the night was pretty amazing. The next half of the day before we headed out was also a blast, so it all worked out at the end. At least you got your show as well OP, so there's that.

Funny thing is that now whenever I go to TO to chill with my current friend there and if my buddies come along, we make the plans. Neveragain.gif. I know that I should have done something much earlier to foresee this and roll out and see her 2 hours when my buddy's gf and who gives a fuck decide to just change plans for everyone just because. I probably would have been able to get straight DT at the time, so my stupidity nearly cost both my date and I's. :\ Thankfully my date at the time is an amazing person and didn't mind after we met either, even though she should have.

Overall the close friends I make plans with stick with it though. So I don't have to deal with nonsense like this. Hope you have a better NY this upcoming year OP. Prost.

 

[neorej]

I want to hear Steve's side of the story before I pass any judgment.

 

[Haloid1177]

My New Year's Resolution was cutting contact with about five "friends" after a shitty 2016 dealing with them. Feels good so far.

 

[ironmang]

Better to avoid being the planner and just ask different people what they're doing. If they're a friend they shouldn't mind you tagging along if it's any kind of gathering and it lets you have a lot of backup plans. You don't get to see everyone at once but that's reality for almost everybody when you get a few years past high school. I'm just happy that I have a few reliable childhood friends 10 years after graduating high school.

 

[Baron Von Beans]

Wow. You got to see Snarky Puppy bring in the new year! That's gotta make up for at least some the shittiniess you put up with over the last two days. I am wicked jealous OP, they are amazing.

Definitely sucks about your friends though, I've been a victim of that before, but not quite on that scale. NYE could be a daunting event for some, but still, the lack of communication is a head scratcher. Maybe not cut them out, but remember this for future events that their track record for adhering to plans isn't the greatest.

 

[Blues1990]

If there's anything I've learned in 2016, it's that most people are not worth the effort. OP, if I were you, I wouldn't bother contacting those people again. That may sound harsh, but I bet you if you don't, they won't either. And it's not fair for you to try and reach out when they can't do the same or proceed to ignore/flake on you.

Bingo!

It sounds to me those guys and gals weren't worth the time, effort, or stress, man. People who are flaky are the worst.

 

[IISANDERII]

This NYE I was single for the first time in a few years, and I decided I was going to fly back up to New York to hang with my parents and see some old friends. It's the busy season for my work and so I had a pretty compact vacation of five days, two of those travel days. I bought tickets to a show on NYE but besides that had no concrete plans so I go ahead and text a bunch of people weeks in advance that I'm going to be up there and that I'm trying to get some people together on the 30th for some bar crawling.

The 30th is good for most people, they're all home with no plans that Friday. Sweet, I'm thinking we hang out with a mutual friend in Stamford and check out what the town has to offer. It's a nice area in CT with lots of cool bars and a younger vibe (although pretty expensive). We had never hung out there, and it was a decent in between spot for my firends who live in the city and those that live in the burbs. Everybody says they're down for that, get a good group of 5 or 6 people who all say they're good a week in advance. Make some tentative plans to carpool, start a group chat. I was pretty excited.

Fly up there, hang with my parents the first day. That night, the friend we know in Stamford, call him Steve, texts me and tells me his girlfriend made some plans without his knowledge and that he's going to have to try and join us later. I call him and he gives me suggestions for where to go, where to park ect. The places he's suggesting look sweet so even though I'm disappointed he might not make it I'm still stoked to be going down there.

Well, my younger friends who are in the burbs find out that Steve might not make it and start to talk amongst themselves. Eventually the guy who was going to drive a bunch of us down texts me and says he's not sure he wants to make the trip to Stamford if Steve isn't gonna be there. I tell him our friends from the city are already planning on meeting there, and that they probably wouldn't come up for something local since it's a much bigger trip for them. I had already made plans for where to go anyway.

He tells me he's still not sure and that he'll have to see what's going on tomorrow. Of course everyone else follows his lead since he's the only one with a car that can really fit enough people, and the others sort of make their own plans since now we might not have a solid ride. I end up having to tell our city friends not to come up since at this point I'm not even sure I can get there since I don't have a car until later when my parents don't need theirs. They're pretty bummed but tell me to come to their NYE party in Brooklyn after the show.

Day of, and I text the group that if we aren't going to Stamford we should at least do something local. Nothing. Takes two hours for someone to reply and say they're doing something else. Nobody else responds. I let people know I'll be hanging at a local bar for awhile since I wasn't doing anything. Two of them say they'll be there, then nobody shows.

Felt pretty terrible that night. Had all these plans, felt like I put in some real effort, and everyone seems just completely disinterested. I find out later that most of them really weren't doing anything, they just decided to go to the gym that night and were too tired afterward to meet up with me. Luckily I had the show on NYE to look forward to.

And it was awesome (Snarky Puppy at Irving Plaza) but surprise surprise I end up having to sell my extra ticket and go alone. Was still a fantastic show, and afterwards I made it over to Brooklyn to see my other friends. So the trip wasn't a total wash, and of course seeing my parents was great, but I still kinda feel like shit that all these people flaked on me after I flew up to see them and made all these plans.

So now my instinct is to just drop these people, and stop putting effort forth with no reciprocation. Thing is I know these people don't dislike me or anything, it's just hard to get them to go out. So if I don't put effort in to corral them, I'm really just never going to get to hang with them. And that's depressing because that means my circle of friends back home is way smaller.

TLDR; Flew across the country, made plans, they all flaked. I'd feel better if I actually hadn't made any plans or had just saved my money and worked through the holiday.

Thanks GAF. Just wanted to vent.

2 problems: 1. texting and especially group chats are flaky forms of communication to begin with.
2. Ambitious plans are more likely to fall through. The more people, the more freedom to bail and not feel lousy about it.

Not saying this was your fault though, just that people can be shitty especially in groups

 

[davidwhangchoi]

I felt like I needed to let them know early whether it was happening or not, since if my suburban friends weren't going I really wasn't going to be able to get myself down there until much later than planned.

As for the concert they didn't have anything to do with that, me ending up with an extra ticket is kind of unrelated. I'm not sure why I added it other than to mention one of my favorite bands (seriously they're sooo fucking good, if you like improvisational music you need to check them out). In hindsight it doesn't really need to be there.

2 problems: 1. texting and especially group chats are flaky forms of communication to begin with.
2. Ambitious plans are more likely to fall through. The more people, the more freedom to bail and not feel lousy about it.

Not saying this was your fault though, just that people can be shitty especially in groups

wow, well said.

I got a group that has the same dynamics as OP. except it's with girls.
one guy is always making plans early and everyone says sounds good but nothing really set in stone. but if a certain guy or guys don't go then alot of the girls feel awkward and don't want to go alone with the planner. they're not particularly close to the planner but like hanging in the group.

adding the element of tickets is misleading bc it initially sounded like something was clearly organized with an agreed upon group purchase, then they backed out on you. (which would be really messed up)

now reading it without that story... it just doesn't sound like a big deal...
it's too risky for a group like that bc all the breaks have to fall a certain way.

edit: i wouldn't ditch them but just don't have much expectations with your "hometown" boys.

 

[KrellRell]

If people care, they will make the effort to see you. If they don't care, they won't. The rest is excuses, fugg em'

 

[BigBeauford]

Sounds like normal people who are getting older.

 

[AdaWong]

If someone is flaking on you, it's most likely because they don't feel a connection with you anymore for whatever reason. Do yourself (and them) a favor and stop being friends.

They won't miss you, and you surely shouldn't miss them either. It's the best thing to do for both parties.

I'm not telling you to be petty and unfriend them, block or delete them from your phone/social media, but just don't contact them personally anymore. They don't want you to, so don't.

 

[Koomaster]

Thing is I know these people don't dislike me or anything, it's just hard to get them to go out.

Sounds like they were fine to go out when Steve was going to be there. Seems if they liked you you would be priority whether Steve showed up or not. You are the one who flew up there, going out of your way to make plans to see them.

 

[davepoobond]

Why aren't you as cool as Steve who has his own large car to drive everyone around in?

 

[Dude Abides]

Stamford is kind of a weird choice unless all your "burbs" friends live in Connecticut rather than Westchester, Jersey, or LI.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

sounds like everyone is friends with steve not you

This.

Also keep things local. No one wants to drive/ride train extensively on their days off.

And is Steve really the only mofo with a car? What's the age range of this group?

 

[Star Dust]

OP, being from stamford I have to know what crap bar you guys were planing to go to. Don't tell me kona grill or the cheese cake factory or sign of the whale either. Also, a bit after new years struck some 21 year old firing a bb gun was arrested by our downtown McDonalds. Around our "cool bar" scene.

 

[rhandino]

When I organize group of friends to go out together I:

1) Never contact them all in a same group so they don't feel "Oh! If I bail out does not matter since a lot more will go",

2) Always call them, never text them because for some reason they feel is easier to bail out trough text messages.

3) Almost never do anything flashy or big with more than a few days of anticipation because it's really easy for those kind of plans to fall apart at the end.

I also stopped trying to keep on touch with people that never put any real effort on their part. I used to in the past but it's tiring and rarely worth the effort (I do have some friends that are to shy to contact so I do keep contact with them =P)

 

[chrizzz09]

When I organize group of friends to go out together I:

1) Never contact them all in a same group so they don't feel "Oh! If I bail out does not matter since a lot more will go",

2) Always call them, never text them because for some reason they feel is easier to bail out trough text messages.

3) Almost never do anything flashy or big with more than a few days of anticipation because it's really easy for those kind of plans to fall apart at the end.

Well to be honest... if you have to resort to those kinds of "psychological tricks" to go out with your group of friends, they are really shitty friends.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Well to be honest... if you have to resort to those kinds of "psychological tricks" to go out with your group of friends, they are really shitty friends.

It's not tricks. It's just understanding people and trying to organize groups.

 

[norm9]

When I organize group of friends to go out together I:

1) Never contact them all in a same group so they don't feel "Oh! If I bail out does not matter since a lot more will go",

2) Always call them, never text them because for some reason they feel is easier to bail out trough text messages.

3) Almost never do anything flashy or big with more than a few days of anticipation because it's really easy for those kind of plans to fall apart at the end.

I also stopped trying to keep on touch with people that never put any real effort on their part. I used to in the past but it's tiring and rarely worth the effort (I do have some friends that are to shy to contact so I do keep contact with them =P)

You know who wouldn't do nonsense like this? Steve.

 

[maxiell]

You thought New York people were going to head up to Stamford? This would never happen without Steve present.

 

[rhandino]

Well to be honest... if you have to resort to those kinds of "psychological tricks" to go out with your group of friends, they are really shitty friends.

For going out? They truly are T_T

For everything else tho? Some of the best friends anyone could ask so there is that, I guess.