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I know this is a rather tasteless joke...but I couldn't stop laughing...
- Thread starter Eminem
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norinrad21
Banned
JC10001 said:
:lol :lol :lol
What is a black man in a business suit?
What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
What two famous white men loves children?
Why did Al Bundy died before Peg Bundy?
A Defendant.
What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
What two famous white men loves children?
Ronald McDonald and Michael Jackson.
Why did Al Bundy died before Peg Bundy?
Because he wanted to.
Aw hell...I can't resist.
What's white and fourteen inches long?
What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
What do you call a bunch of white guys in a circle?
What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
What's white and fourteen inches long?
Absolutely nothing.
What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
Snow.
What do you call a bunch of white guys in a circle?
A Dope Ring.
What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.
What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass.
Ninja Scooter
Member
why isn't the Mexican olympic team any good?
because all the runners, jumpers and swimmers are over here 
Naked Snake
Member
Vitten said:
This one cracked me up the most so far (only read 2 pages).
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or
any sex in quite sometime. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex
therapist. Her doctor recommended that she go see Dr. Chang, the well known Chinese sex therapist. So she went to see him.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr.Chang said,
"Ok, take off all your crose."
The woman did as she was told.
"Now, get down and craw reery reery fass to odder side of room."
Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said,
"Ok, now craw reery reery fass back to me."
So she did.
Dr. Chang slowly shook his head and said,
"Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex on dates."
Confused, the woman asked,
"Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"
Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eyes and replied,
"Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."
any sex in quite sometime. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex
therapist. Her doctor recommended that she go see Dr. Chang, the well known Chinese sex therapist. So she went to see him.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr.Chang said,
"Ok, take off all your crose."
The woman did as she was told.
"Now, get down and craw reery reery fass to odder side of room."
Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said,
"Ok, now craw reery reery fass back to me."
So she did.
Dr. Chang slowly shook his head and said,
"Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex on dates."
Confused, the woman asked,
"Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"
Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eyes and replied,
"Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."
Randam_Hajile
Member
I always loved this joke when I was younger....
Two men are sitting in a bar on the top floor of a 100 story building. The first man looks to the second man and says "I've heard that if you jump out the window on this particular floor, a huge gust of wind comes around the 50th floor and brings you right back up". "No way," replies the second man, "I don't believe it". The first man puts down his drink. "It's true," he says, "I'll show you".
The first man walks over to the window and jumps out. He falls and falls and when he reaches the 50th floor, a huge gust of wind pushes him back up and back into the bar. "No way," exclaims the second man "that had to have been a coincedence. I don't believe it." The first man shrugs. "I'll do it again". He jumps from the window, falling and falling, until he reaches the 50th floor where the gust of wind pushes him up and back into the bar, again.
The second man is pretty impressed. "Ok, I've gotta try this" he says. He walks to the window and jumps out. He falls and falls, past the 50th floor, past the 30th, the 20th, and the 10th, until he splatters on the pavement below.
The bartender looks at the first man and smirks,
Two men are sitting in a bar on the top floor of a 100 story building. The first man looks to the second man and says "I've heard that if you jump out the window on this particular floor, a huge gust of wind comes around the 50th floor and brings you right back up". "No way," replies the second man, "I don't believe it". The first man puts down his drink. "It's true," he says, "I'll show you".
The first man walks over to the window and jumps out. He falls and falls and when he reaches the 50th floor, a huge gust of wind pushes him back up and back into the bar. "No way," exclaims the second man "that had to have been a coincedence. I don't believe it." The first man shrugs. "I'll do it again". He jumps from the window, falling and falling, until he reaches the 50th floor where the gust of wind pushes him up and back into the bar, again.
The second man is pretty impressed. "Ok, I've gotta try this" he says. He walks to the window and jumps out. He falls and falls, past the 50th floor, past the 30th, the 20th, and the 10th, until he splatters on the pavement below.
The bartender looks at the first man and smirks,
"Ya know, you're a real dick when you're drunk, Superman."
A Jewish patriarch is lying on his deathbed, giving out his final parting words. "Where is my wife, whom I have loved for 50 years?" he asks. "Here I am, my dear husband," she sobs. "Where is my eldest son, who I have raised these 20 years to be a straping man?" he asks. "I am here, O father," the son replies. "And my daughter, only 18, but more beautiful than any other girl in town- where is she?" he asks. "I'm here too, father," she says. The father suddenly sits up.
"THEN WHO'S RUNNING THE DAMNED STORE?"
Xenon
Member
What do you call a baby when its dies and goes to heaven?
What do you call a black baby when its dies and goes to heaven?
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Why do women have shorter feet?
Why does the bride always wear white?
What do fat chicks do in the summer?
An angel.
What do you call a black baby when its dies and goes to heaven?
A bat.
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing you already told her twice
Why do women have shorter feet?
so they can stand closer to the sink
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because the dishwasher should match the stove and refrigerator.
What do fat chicks do in the summer?
Stink.
The Bookerman
Member
LMAO,
Now there's OJ all over my keyboard.
Now there's OJ all over my keyboard.
What did Paul McCartney get Heather for her birthday?
What did you call an Italian with a Rubber Toe?
What do you call a Spanish bloke whose had his car nicked (stolen)?
Two Snowmen standing in a field. One says to the other:
"Can you smell carrots?"
Whats Orange and sounds like a Parrot?
Bloke comes home to his wife from the pub with a duck under his arm, says:
'What do you think of the fat pig then?'
Wife says:
'That aint a pig thats a duck'
Bloke says:
'Shut up bitch I wern't talking to you'
More later.
-SB
A Plane....and a Ladyshave for her other leg.
What did you call an Italian with a Rubber Toe?
Roberto
What do you call a Spanish bloke whose had his car nicked (stolen)?
Carlos
Two Snowmen standing in a field. One says to the other:
"Can you smell carrots?"
Whats Orange and sounds like a Parrot?
A Carrot
Bloke comes home to his wife from the pub with a duck under his arm, says:
'What do you think of the fat pig then?'
Wife says:
'That aint a pig thats a duck'
Bloke says:
'Shut up bitch I wern't talking to you'
More later.
-SB
Xenon
Member
A man was walking down the beach early one morning when he happened upon a lady laying on the sand. She had no arms and no legs and she was crying. "What is the matter?" he asked. She replied, "I have never been hugged." The man thought for a moment and bent down to her and gave her a hug. The next morning he went for his usual walk and there she was again, laying on the sand, no arms and no legs, crying. "What is the matter, now?" he asked. She replied, "I have never been kissed." The man thought for a moment and bent down and gave her a kiss. The following morning the man was strolling down the beach again. Again he saw the lady laying on the sand, with no arms and no legs, and crying. "What is the matter, now?" the man asked again. She replied, "I have never been fucked." The man thought for a moment and then bent down, scooped the sobbing woman into his arms and picked her up, threw her into the water, and said, "You're fucked now bitch!"
lilraylewis
Member
:lol ^ not bad, not bad at all.
BatiGOOOOOOL
Member
:lol @ the drunkard with the duck and the limbless woman
This thread is pure gold.
This thread is pure gold.
Three men: an Italian, a Mexican, and a Polish are working at the top of a construction site to have lunch.
The Italian: Spaghetti and meatballs again? I hate spaghetti and meatballs!
The Mexican: Tacos? I told her not to make these!
The Polish: Peanut butter? I wish I'd get something other than this!
A week went by, and they kept getting the same things...so they made a pact. If they get the same lunches again, they'll jump off of the girder.
The Italian: Spaghetti and meatballs? *jumps*
The Mexican: Tacos? *jumps*
The Polish: Peanut butter? *jumps*
At the funeral, the Italian and Mexican wives are crying, now knowing what they had done. The Polish wife was laughing her ass off, and nobody knew why. Eventually, someone asked her to be quiet, and why she was laughing so hard at such a solemn event.
"He made his own lunch!"
The Italian: Spaghetti and meatballs again? I hate spaghetti and meatballs!
The Mexican: Tacos? I told her not to make these!
The Polish: Peanut butter? I wish I'd get something other than this!
A week went by, and they kept getting the same things...so they made a pact. If they get the same lunches again, they'll jump off of the girder.
The Italian: Spaghetti and meatballs? *jumps*
The Mexican: Tacos? *jumps*
The Polish: Peanut butter? *jumps*
At the funeral, the Italian and Mexican wives are crying, now knowing what they had done. The Polish wife was laughing her ass off, and nobody knew why. Eventually, someone asked her to be quiet, and why she was laughing so hard at such a solemn event.
"He made his own lunch!"
Particle Physicist
between a quark and a baryon
:lol at the whole thread .
nitewulf said:
:lol
Holy shit that's great. :lol
:lol
I always tell people that one, too.
This thread rocks.
My contribution-- a little long, but good:
A blond woman was out and about in town, looking for a pair of alligator shoes. So she finds a lovely pair, and proceeds to ask the manager how much it is; when told the absurdly high price, she balks-- "you're crazy if you think I'm gonna pay that much for alligator shoes; I'll just go somewhere else!"
So she heads to the store down the boulevard, finds another pair that strikes her fancy, and asks the manager how much they cost. Still much too pricey for her tastes, she asks whether he could offer her a better deal; he says "no, I'm sory; if I sell it any lower, I'll be losing money". She gets all huffy and says "fine! I'll just go find my own alligator shoes!" The manager begins to chuckle and says, "hey, knock yourself out-- good luck".
Later that day, as the manager of the store is driving home from work over the bridge, he sees the woman on the bank of the river, with three or four alligators piled up dead behind her; she's knee deep in water and struggling with another alligator, when the manager pulls over and gets out. "What the...? How the heck did you do that? Why are you doing this?" The woman ignores him and, still struggling to pull the last alligator out of the water, holds it up and says "shit, no shoes on this one either."
Thus ends the longest blond joke in history.
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