Support NeoGAF

[Mossybrew]

He doesn't use his phone... it's become a direct line to him when my wife or I call and that's about it...

My son is 16 and doesn't use his phone to socialize either, and he's perfectly happy not to. He's just not a social kid in general, he's an introvert, which thankfully I understand. Kids will find their own way, they don't need to be micromanaged or forced to fit a parent's notion of who they should be and certainly don't need parents butting in on how and when they socialize with their peers. I'm sure your overzealous response to this issue comes from a place of love for your son, but he's gotta learn his own lessons his way and be himself. Don't worry, the kid will be fine, just hang back and be there for him if and when he comes to you for advice.

 

[GAMETA]

I have multiple children and think you may be the dumbest human on the face of the planet. This is meant to be harsh.

How so? Did you read the whole thread or just the first post and jumped to conclusions?

His friends and girls send messages to him, he doesn't want to answer. They add him to group chats, he doesn't want to partake.

I'm not even worried about the "hitting" part, who cares about that, but considering the online chat is a big part in his classmates and friends socializing experience (specially during the pandemic), shouldn't I keep an eye on the fact that my son doesn't want to take part in it?


It's kind of weird... I'm not forcing him into anything, nor having strange conversations or anything, this seems to be what a lot of you are getting but it's not what's happening.

What's happening is, for some reason, my son doesn't want to partake in online conversations with people talking to him, and I sense some insecurity and avoidance in that, so I worry, because, if that's what's happening, I feel like this can lead to ostracism or isolation... why do I say that? Because I've been through that, and it's terrible for the self-esteem and confidence in general.

So the question is, what can I do to help him... no to help him get something or anything like that, but to help overcome insecurities. That's it. I don't see absolutely no problem in this, I think it's a valid concern...


But why post here? Well, because I know a lot of people here have dealt with this kind of insecurities, plus I don't have many people to talk about this, excluding my wife who thinks I'm projecting my own insecurities, which maybe I am, so hey, I want to talk about it and we should be able to talk about shit here, there are no names or anything like that involved... what's the problem?

 

[GAMETA]

My son is 16 and doesn't use his phone to socialize either, and he's perfectly happy not to. He's just not a social kid in general, he's an introvert, which thankfully I understand. Kids will find their own way, they don't need to be micromanaged or forced to fit a parent's notion of who they should be and certainly don't need parents butting in on how and when they socialize with their peers. I'm sure your overzealous response to this issue comes from a place of love for your son, but he's gotta learn his own lessons his way and be himself. Don't worry, the kid will be fine, just hang back and be there for him if and when he comes to you for advice.

Yep, I'm just worried for his own sake. Some folks here seem to get the idea that I'm trying to force him or something... I'm not, and, knowing my son and knowing what ostracism do to people, I worry. That's about it.

 

[AJUMP23]

But why post here? Well, because I know a lot of people here have dealt with this kind of insecurities, plus I don't have many people to talk about this, excluding my wife who thinks I'm projecting my own insecurities, which maybe I am, so hey, I want to talk about it and we should be able to talk about shit here, there are no names or anything like that involved... what's the problem?

I think your wife is giving you solid advice. Listen to her. However hard it may be, try not to see your own flaws in your children, they are probably there, but they may not manifest the same way in them that they do in you. If you were able to overcome them, they will too.

Your original post spoke of foolishness about your 11 year old playing the field, or that is the way I took it. Which to me is foolish for a father to want their son to do.

 

[GAMETA]

I think your wife is giving you solid advice. Listen to her. However hard it may be, try not to see your own flaws in your children, they are probably there, but they may not manifest the same way in them that they do in you. If you were able to overcome them, they will too.

Your original post spoke of foolishness about your 11 year old playing the field, or that is the way I took it. Which to me is foolish for a father to want their son to do.

Hmm, maybe poor choice of words? English is not my first language...

The thing that may have given you that impression was that I said I want him to thrive, lol. Maybe that's it, but I didn't mean in a weird way. My son is a cool and good kid, I want him to be happy and feel good about being himself (again, not in a weird way)

 

[BigBooper]

Hmm, maybe poor choice of words? English is not my first language...

The thing that may have given you that impression was that I said I want him to thrive, lol. Maybe that's it, but I didn't mean in a weird way. My son is a cool and good kid, I want him to be happy and feel good about being himself (again, not in a weird way)

I hope you figure it out. Does your son socialize well face to face? Maybe it's just the detached online aspect of it he doesn't like.

I do think you should take to heart your wife's input though. She knows you better than anyone here.

 

[Yamisan]

Starting to think this guy doesn't even have a kid, atleast I hope he doesn't.

 

[DESTROYA]

He doesn't use his phone... it's become a direct line to him when my wife or I call and that's about it...

The thread was, in part, about this... his friends and classmates all talk to each other on their phones, he doesn't seem to be interested in it, even when they clearly invite him to chat groups or send direct messages...

"But what's the problem? He's a kid" I agree, I see no problem in him not wanting to use phones, he is a kid, but considering that's basically how his classmates socialize with one another, I wonder if there's other motives involved... maybe social insecurity? I don't know.

But whatever, I hope you can understand why this would make me concerned... I don't think any parent would want his kid to be ostracized.

Maybe he’s a loner by nature , I mean if he has friends that means he interacts with them in some form besides gaming.
He’s a young kid if he did this at a later stage than maybe you bring this to his attention but like they say the Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

 

[GAMETA]

Atleast I hope he doesn't.

And why is that? Have you even read the thread?

 

[GAMETA]

I hope you figure it out. Does your son socialize well face to face? Maybe it's just the detached online aspect of it he doesn't like.

I do think you should take to heart your wife's input though. She knows you better than anyone here.

He does socialize well face to face with the majority of people. He has 4 closer friends and one that is closer but is kind of an ass sometimes... but friends invite him to birthday parties, activities, sports and so on... so yeah, no worries about that.

It's the online aspect (which gained a much bigger weight during the pandemic) that he does't seem to want to take part in...

You know when someone says he/she doesn't like something without even trying? Maybe there's a bit of that too...

 

[nush]

His friends and girls send messages to him, he doesn't want to answer. They add him to group chats, he doesn't want to partake.

Maybe cause he's got a dad snooping on his phone activity?

 

[GAMETA]

Maybe cause he's got a dad snooping on his phone activity?

Not really

 

[sol_bad]

Hey op
Did you ever think that your son might not be into girls?
:O