I was more thinking about fuel cost too. But rents have come on in the last 10 years.... the property/rental market in the South-East is a joke, *especially* Reading, houses go up in value quicker than I can save money
I think my girlfriend's parents are taking advantage of her
- Thread starter Snowman
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I was more thinking about fuel cost too. But rents have come on in the last 10 years.... the property/rental market in the South-East is a joke, *especially* Reading, houses go up in value quicker than I can save money
now THAT is bullshit.
i have literally ignored my letting agent for 4 years.
no rent increases, renewals, etc. they try every year or so.
so i've got a great price, but i'd agree, this area is nonsence.
i tried to move into a bigger room in a house share - £500 per month! in a student area!!! it wasn't even that nice......
The paying your parents rent bit is blowing my mind. What the fuck? Question for whoever does this: do you also pay your parents like they're a hotel when you have your own place and you come over for Christmas or something? Do you get a receipt after every meal?
Anyway, that girl's parents suck. She should find her own place and not put up with that.
Anyway, that girl's parents suck. She should find her own place and not put up with that.
I just got done with uni, but I was paying like £90 a week rent there and it was a pretty nice place. Obviously I had to buy food and stuff too, but she pays way more than that when you factor in fuel, and she gets less student loan money than I did because you get less if you stay living with your parents.
She couldn't afford to quit her part time job even if she wanted to, while I never had to work at all while I was at uni.
I dunno, at some point she said she didn't mind helping her parents out a bit if they needed. But it just doesn't seem like they're that careful with their money to me so it seems a bit shitty for them to get their kids to help out so they can keep up their lifestyle right?
Again, she has a twin sister who is going to uni too and it's the same deal with her, although she didn't really care about moving away and was quite happy to stay at home.
She couldn't afford to quit her part time job even if she wanted to, while I never had to work at all while I was at uni.
I dunno, at some point she said she didn't mind helping her parents out a bit if they needed. But it just doesn't seem like they're that careful with their money to me so it seems a bit shitty for them to get their kids to help out so they can keep up their lifestyle right?
Again, she has a twin sister who is going to uni too and it's the same deal with her, although she didn't really care about moving away and was quite happy to stay at home.
For me and several of my friends who also have to pay rent: it's an incentive to move out. While limited, there are places available, we just don't want to move out because we can stay at home and save up money, it's way cheaper, and plus I live really close to school anyway. Therefore our parents think it's only fair that we contribute to the house. I was very resistant at first but I see the reasoning now and I think it's fine. My rent is $250 a month.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Sounds like they are the type of parents who think their responsibility to their child ends when they turn 18.
Not that that's necessarily a bad thing as you don't want the child to fail at being independent, but to take it to such an extreme where you demand they pay rent rather than helping them get a foot on the property ladder is just crazy.
But that's obviously not the case because they forced her to stay at home when she wanted to go and live at uni like most people do. If they wanted her to be independent, surely they would let her leave?
Miles Quaritch
Member
Yeah, that's a fair point. Sounds like they only really want her there for the money. I imagine that £3k is pretty vital to them, not to mention the other money they seem to be borrowing from her. She's the cash machine that keeps on giving...
So they'll give you all that rent money back when you find a suitable place to move to or is that money gone?
Seems crazy if they aren't taking that money and putting it aside for you for when you decide to move away. A nice nest egg for you to use to either get a lease or a down payment on a home.
Soodanim
Member
That was funny, well played sir. Fair enough about the cost (I didn't go to uni). But the OP says she was forced, and that's what I'm going on. We don't know about the girlfriend, and maybe they're doing it for her own good, and exactly how "over" the line of protective they are is based on what's she's like. But the threatening to not give information to mess with her chances of getting a full grant is just wrong.i deleted your post as applicable
seriously though, those are made up scenarios.
1. she's being asked to pay LESS, not MORE than she would've had to by moving out.
2. why is the concept of helping your family out with a paltry sum of £50 a week so foreign to people? they've paid her way for 19 years as far as we know.
maybe they came to this arrangement? they obviously need the money, and perhaps she has agreed to live at home to help out. the OP doesn't sound like he'd know eitherway, so its a bit much for us to start throwing mud at the parents.
Her parents seem to be shit with money, too. That's irresponsible at best, and if that's a factor in her staying home it's annoying to read about. Your daughter misses out on the university experience, not to mention the uni she wanted to go to. because you still need your holidays and need to make a profit off her rent (whether she is okay with that or not)? You're a shit parent.
Regarding your second point, I don't agree with that. You don't have a kid to reap the rewards later, you have a kid because you want to have a family. You don't raise them (something the kid had no choice in) then say "You owe us for what we chose to do", that's a dick move.
Don't think you get free food in student halls, and you certainly don't get free food and utilities in shared student accommodation.
I think OP is just a bit salty because he want's his girlfriend to move out so he can have the sex.
Fair point. I didn't think of that. And you're probably right, haha. This is a blue balls thread!
Edit: reading more of snowman's posts, I'm convinced. Girlfriend's parents are dickheads. Telling her they'll cut her off is cuntish.
There's no defending this because they seem to have basically forced her to stay at home, even going as far as refusing to give their tax info, and then are charging her rent.
I really doubt she's making that much from a part time job either, so this whole thing seems ridiculous. And the fact that they're actually asking for money from her student loan/grants is just fucked up.
I really doubt she's making that much from a part time job either, so this whole thing seems ridiculous. And the fact that they're actually asking for money from her student loan/grants is just fucked up.
Black Republican
Member
I pay 300 a month to my parents. Not uncommon
When we see each other it's usually at mine, I just got done with uni and I'm living with my parents too, but they don't mind us having sex so that's not a problem at all, promise.
Miles Quaritch
Member
You're still at college/uni or working full time?
If you're working full time, I can perhaps understand it if your parents are taking that money and putting it aside for you for when you decide to leave, but to charge rent while you're still studying and have very limited means of income seems pretty messed up.
Its a cultural thing.
Here in Singapore, singles will pretty much live with their parents until they get married, like in my cousin's case, two of them never got married at all so they are still living with their parents, both in their late 30s. The third one who did get married but got separated with her husband decided to live on in the apartment they bought as a couple.
The cousins still living with their parents do contribute some money monthly, but that's because their parents have pretty much retired (60+) and will need the money for the bills and grocery, while my cousins are all working adults. Never heard of students paying rent to their parents, it just doesn't work that way here.
Here in Singapore, singles will pretty much live with their parents until they get married, like in my cousin's case, two of them never got married at all so they are still living with their parents, both in their late 30s. The third one who did get married but got separated with her husband decided to live on in the apartment they bought as a couple.
The cousins still living with their parents do contribute some money monthly, but that's because their parents have pretty much retired (60+) and will need the money for the bills and grocery, while my cousins are all working adults. Never heard of students paying rent to their parents, it just doesn't work that way here.
I think the big issue here is that if you stay at home, you don't get as big of a loan / grant, as your parents are supposed to be supporting you, which is why she will be struggling even on a low figure like £50pw. Parents charging their offspring rent isn't unusual, but normally it's once they are in work.
But then it's not unusual for parents to be bastards to their kids too. My dad pretty much kicked me out of the house after uni a few weeks after graduating.
But then it's not unusual for parents to be bastards to their kids too. My dad pretty much kicked me out of the house after uni a few weeks after graduating.
MilkyJoe
Member
Whilst I was saving to buy a place of my own my mother & her fella used to charge me £400 a month house keeping, money that could have gone towards getting me a bigger deposit so I could get a better mortgage rate. Now I am all one for an adult male paying a contribution to the family home, sponging off your parents when you are earning a living is wrong. However, what pissed me off and still does all these years later, is that the mortgage on their house was paid off. So I was essentially paying everyone's council tax, all the utility costs and bills and they still had plenty left over to spend on ciggies and booze!! (I paid for all my own food and clothes etc..) I paid that for the best part of ten years.... struggling to get together a deposit. Do the maths. 10 years of 400 a month... I only managed to get £5000 together in that time before I had to move out for sanity alone... I also had to borrow £5000 from them to make up the rest of the deposit.
The fall out of the whole thing is because i had such a small amount I had to move to the other side of the city... I completely missed the property boom (a lot of my friends mate upwards of £100,000 on that ) and now have to live about 70 miles out side of the city to have a place in a safe area that has it's own back yard. Meanwhile my mother is in pieces that she is never able to see me whenever she wants. And I am pissed off because i rarely get to see my friends or brothers.
In a nut shell, parents that take more than a token amount of their children's money are cunts.
The fall out of the whole thing is because i had such a small amount I had to move to the other side of the city... I completely missed the property boom (a lot of my friends mate upwards of £100,000 on that ) and now have to live about 70 miles out side of the city to have a place in a safe area that has it's own back yard. Meanwhile my mother is in pieces that she is never able to see me whenever she wants. And I am pissed off because i rarely get to see my friends or brothers.
In a nut shell, parents that take more than a token amount of their children's money are cunts.
This seems like a common story for those with immigrant parents.
I can somewhat relate with some issue's. If her parents are anything like my parents, she just needs to do what she wants, while her parents may be disappointed it's not like they will break off contact. Tough, mileage might vary. My mom was only pissy for like a week.
I can somewhat relate with some issue's. If her parents are anything like my parents, she just needs to do what she wants, while her parents may be disappointed it's not like they will break off contact. Tough, mileage might vary. My mom was only pissy for like a week.
industrian
will gently cradle you as time slowly ticks away.
It's both a cultural and practical thing in Asia.
Try affording your own place in Hong Kong, Taipei, Tokyo, (etc) when you're single.
It's the same in a lot of European cities.
Back in uni I had a girlfriend in a similar position OP - though she didn't live with the parents, they did take the entirety of her student grant. They gave her some tesco cash card thing that they would take upon themselves to top up for her, and would send her vouchers and shit.
Situation seemed completely insane to me, was a very fucked up family.
Situation seemed completely insane to me, was a very fucked up family.
GoldenEye 007
Member
I see this a lot in college admissions. Pretty sad.
It's good to have parents involved to make sure students know what they are getting into and understand the financial commitment, but this is a bit far.
It's good to have parents involved to make sure students know what they are getting into and understand the financial commitment, but this is a bit far.
Happened to me, a lot, back in the day. I'm 24 and living on my own now, I was also the main driving force for sustenance in the house (bought groceries, maintained the house/plumbing/paint job/etc).
Everyone should read on "helicopter parents" and how fucked up our parents' generation is because they had a lack of love from their own parents. I know I am eerily close into attributing everything to the "lol millenials" banter here but it does ring a lot of true bells, actually.
Lord Thrappleper The 49th
Member
My mother didn't want me moving out all they way to the age of like 19 purely because she was entitled to more benefits by having a dependant child living with her. Maybe this is something similar?
AlteredForms
Banned
Hmmmm.....
Go_Ly_Dow
Member
Earn 21k? Pay £30 a month.
Lose your job? Pay nothing.
Earn under 21k? Pay nothing.
Does not affect credit score.
A student loan in the UK has very little impact on you financially once you graduate in terms of risk.
It covers all the course fees and if your parents are "poor" like the OP's girlfriend supposedly are then the amount you receive is likely enough to cover your living costs too.
I was paying £50 a week when I was 18, just before I moved out (about 2 years back I was paying £300 a month (voluntarily) plus £75 for internet, TV and Phone (which admittedly everyone used all 3) Just because you're family doesn't mean you should get a free ride.
Now that I've moved out my bills and rent and food come to about £750 a month. I miss the days of paying half that amount
Now that I've moved out my bills and rent and food come to about £750 a month. I miss the days of paying half that amount
joeygreco1985
Member
If they wouldn't let her move out, yet still charge her rent, then it's for purely financial reasons.
If I was her I would have said "OK I'll stay if I pay less or no rent".
If I was her I would have said "OK I'll stay if I pay less or no rent".
n00bsauce87
Member
You should ask her if she would like to study abroad. Man would her parents lose their bowels upon hearing that. But only if it were to help further her education. If she can get grants/scholarships to pay for it, she'll be in a win/win situation.
This is one of those trickey situations where you need to support her and let her come to her own decision.
As a kid of fiscally irresponsible parents she is most likely embarrassed about the situation and even bringing it up is going to cause tension.
You really don't want to be the wedge between her and her parents, not going to end well. She has to pry herself free.
Basically (and really this depends on how serious the relationship is) talk about the future, her plans after school, what she wants to do.
As a kid of fiscally irresponsible parents she is most likely embarrassed about the situation and even bringing it up is going to cause tension.
You really don't want to be the wedge between her and her parents, not going to end well. She has to pry herself free.
Basically (and really this depends on how serious the relationship is) talk about the future, her plans after school, what she wants to do.
Nope, that money is gone. Though I should mention that I live in Sweden, so university is free, plus I get student benefits at about $380/mo from the government which I don't have to pay back. I suppose in light of that, the rent is easier to accept.
n00bsauce87
Member
But only do that if you plan on moving miles away. I wouldn't be caught within city limits as her parents
Yeah, i was charged rent when i had a job. But that was probably a strategy to make me gtfo, i mean i was 18 at the time so it was well past the time to move out.
In return they helped with my own rent later on when i was in uni and didn't have any money.
But i do think it rather dodgy to practically force her to stay at home and then charge her for the pleasure.
In return they helped with my own rent later on when i was in uni and didn't have any money.
But i do think it rather dodgy to practically force her to stay at home and then charge her for the pleasure.
FaintDeftone
Junior Member
Seriously. I always thought that was a dick move. I would never do that to my son and my parents never did it to me.
Majima Everywhere System
Member
It's them or you buddy. Bail, but you can take her with you if she wants to go.
I don't think it's weird. But it IS strange that they are pressuring her to stay - in my case it was them trying to get me to leave. I didn't mind contributing, although I did mind that none of my sisters ever gave them a cent and never got any shit for it.
Well, I'm from a big family. 3 sisters, my older bother, and my cousin who lived with us for most of her life. Plus my parents took in two foster kids after most of us had moved out. That's a lot of people to worry about if suddenly all of them decided to live there for free.
AtomskEater
Member
This is really weird. It's not uncommon for parents to charge their kids something for room and board once they either hit a certain age and get a job, but they basically badgered and threatened her to get her to stay at home, then take half of her grant money anyway. And I'm not sure how tax stuff works where you live, but they're almost surely claiming her as a dependent if they can.
This is also very, very strange to me. They didn't have the money to get them presents, so... they made her pay for an expensive gift until some nebulous future point where they'll pay her back? I don't really want to make judgements like that since we're only getting outsider's information on it (and not the opinion of anyone actually involved in the problem), but... at the very least that doesn't seem normal to me. She has to put her foot down at some point, tell them what she does or doesn't want to do, and then follow through.
This is also very, very strange to me. They didn't have the money to get them presents, so... they made her pay for an expensive gift until some nebulous future point where they'll pay her back? I don't really want to make judgements like that since we're only getting outsider's information on it (and not the opinion of anyone actually involved in the problem), but... at the very least that doesn't seem normal to me. She has to put her foot down at some point, tell them what she does or doesn't want to do, and then follow through.
This is abuse, just a subtle, sophisticated form of it. I bet they never taught your girlfriend or her sister a thing about finances too, to make it even harder for them to go to school of their own volition. They need to let them apply and make the school choices they want, and if they want to continue being a part of your gf's life, they have to make the effort to visit and earn the right to be in her life as she is transitioning out on her own.
This. WTF?
Why are you even a parent then?
You are supposed to be the pillar of support for your children, but instead taking money from them?
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
I don't think it's a matter of them manipulating her for money, and more a matter of them not being able to let her go emotionally.
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