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I'm the fucking asshole right? Another female thread
- Thread starter norinrad21
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Again, it could be a good way to get an outside perspective, but my grandfather has no idea what its like to meet/date a girl today. The world changed. He can give me advice on techniques and whatnot, but he is not up to date with the activites that people our (my?) age partcipate in. Hell, I go to my best friend's dad for girl advice and some of the stuff he tells me is so out dated that its hard not to laugh.
The female mind is a strange and scary place, which is exactly why I enjoy having a tour guide who is familiar with the territory
I could only hope!
It had the opposite effect for me... just solidified my friend into 'friend' status and we're so quagmired in it that I doubt we'll ever be anything more. Which is fine, she's a totally awesome girl and like a sister to me... but damn if she's not fun and cool and hot.
Ah well, live and learn
I'll never understand why some men obssess over females. Unless the two of you are on an island that houses only you, her friend, her mom, and the other girl you informed her you'd spend time with, what's the problem??? There are THOUSANDS of available females in any city you happen to find yourself in. If she doesn't show interest, move on. Don't beg for her attention. Don't embarrass yourself. Women are a dime a dozen. This is why monogamy is unnatural. We're not meant to belabor the pettiness of relationships. Enjoy what's there, but don't place too much stock in it. Otherwise, you will get burned, obsess over her, border on stalking, and eventually resign to the painful realization that you WASTED your time clinging to some stupid girl when you could have been banging the hot chick living next to you. I'm in a relationship, but I'm not monogamous. It works.
Teflar said:I could only hope!
It had the opposite effect for me... just solidified my friend into 'friend' status and we're so quagmired in it that I doubt we'll ever be anything more. Which is fine, she's a totally awesome girl and like a sister to me... but damn if she's not fun and cool and hot.
Ah well, live and learn
This isn't Megan, is it?
Teflar said:I could only hope!
It had the opposite effect for me... just solidified my friend into 'friend' status and we're so quagmired in it that I doubt we'll ever be anything more. Which is fine, she's a totally awesome girl and like a sister to me... but damn if she's not fun and cool and hot.
Ah well, live and learn
Your on the slippery slope already. Trust me the day will come were you wake in a womens bed thinking:
A) How the fuck did I get myself into this.
B) I'm not sure I want to leave this!
C) Who the hell is going to help me get out of this.
D) Fuck I gotta get out here before she wakes up and home before the other shows up!
Date of Lies
Banned
Wow, there's some weird advice in this thread.
Sorry but, when you have a girlfriend, it's nice to spend time with her. I'm currently in a relationship, but if my girlfriend never had any "time" to give me and had to spend all her free moments with her mom and friends, expecting me to be waiting for the darling moment where we might spend a few moments together than I'd be so over that in an instance. This isn't about being a man and taking it in, if you don't like it and it disconforts you than you shouldn't take it in all the time, you'll end up frustrated.
Yes of course, girls need their space and all that, no shit. But if you're not happy about this relationship, I'd consider talking to her about breaking up. Be frank and forward, tell her straight about the things that bother you. Of course this can be done in a way that doesn't make you out to be a "clingy" guy. Just a breif "We never spend time together, I'm considering seeing other women" can go really far.
You should do this if the problem persists. Otherwise you did the right thing, which was telling her you'd be hanging out with another girl.
Sorry but, when you have a girlfriend, it's nice to spend time with her. I'm currently in a relationship, but if my girlfriend never had any "time" to give me and had to spend all her free moments with her mom and friends, expecting me to be waiting for the darling moment where we might spend a few moments together than I'd be so over that in an instance. This isn't about being a man and taking it in, if you don't like it and it disconforts you than you shouldn't take it in all the time, you'll end up frustrated.
Yes of course, girls need their space and all that, no shit. But if you're not happy about this relationship, I'd consider talking to her about breaking up. Be frank and forward, tell her straight about the things that bother you. Of course this can be done in a way that doesn't make you out to be a "clingy" guy. Just a breif "We never spend time together, I'm considering seeing other women" can go really far.
You should do this if the problem persists. Otherwise you did the right thing, which was telling her you'd be hanging out with another girl.
Date of Lies
Banned
Man I've seen guys tell me that they respect their girlfriend's "space" when I see her making out with some guy twice her age. "I'm giving her her space dude" :lol
Date of Lies said:
Why should he talk to her about anything? If she's exhibiting unmistakable disinterest, there's nothing to talk about. Rather than solving it, your advice feeds the problem.
"Honey, you always spend time with your friends, sparing me a minute or two a month. I think there's a problem."
Right..THE BEST WAY TO FIX THIS RELATIONSHIP -- meaning, determining its course -- IS FOR HIM TO IGNORE HER. If her disinterest continues, which I assume it will, he will have an answer.
If a girl truly wants to be with a guy, she will make that effort. If she doesn't, she won't.
Period.
In my experience women have always shown interest in bunches. Your dead cold then everbody wants you. You get greedy fuck everything up and go back to cold again. This has always been the case for me. Women are cruel and more competive then men. If one wants you they all want you. In my foolish youth it took me a long time to learn that saying no to women can be a good thing.
Date of Lies
Banned
XS+ said:
Yeah I have so much time to play these retarded games of "let's not have any female contact for another month just to see if she might miss me"
Please, your advice is stupid. In a perfect world, yes men wouldn't NEED women and we wouldn't mind not seeing them for months. But we're not robots and if my girlfriend doesn't show interest in me, I would tell her I want to see other girls. NO SHIT. BEING ACTIVE is better than not doing shit and waiting in frustration. This has something to do with MY HAPPINESS and I'm not about to wait another month on the off chance she'll give me affection when I could be dating about 20 other girls. What the fuck man.
Outcast2004
Banned
XS+ said:
Xs+ from YOUR quote you sound like the type of guy who most girls wouldn't waste their time with. Ever think he doesn't WANT another woman? Thats the problem with most relationships, guys treat their women like shit and just want to drop them to the curb when something doesn't go the way he wants it.
I assure you, with that type of smug, prickish attitude you can't get damn near any female you please or expect to keep them around.
Being in love with a girl in a long term relationship isn't easy and he's having some problems with time with her. I know all about that.
He and his girl have been going strong for 2 years and now she can't seem to delegate her time, that's her fault. Especially if they see each other alot.
I've been with my now wife for over 10 years (started dating her freshman year of HS, you do the math), and it's come to the point neither of us can sleep if we aren't in the same bed. After 2 years or so she becomes your best friend and first concern/.
My advice is if you truly love this girl, don't do the mind games with her. Just sit her down and lay it out for her. Tell her your concerns and if it isn't fixed soon you'll have to back away for a while so she can get her priorities straight. Just communicate with her and you should be a bit btter off than before.
Date of Lies said:
You're not understanding me. I'm not asking him to wait in frustration. I'm advising him to move on. If a girl doesn't show me interest, I move on. I don't bide my time, hoping she calls me. If a girl doesn't do what I want, there is no "let's talk about it." I don't call her. If she calls me, she'll have gotten the message, I would think. That's how you manage relationships. Trust me when I say this: I RARELY have a girl leave me. It doesn't happen, because I know how to keep them coming. Girls I know don't want to be approached by a clingy boyfriend about petty BS. I don't know too many guys that whine about their girl not spending enough time with them. Sounds like something I'd hear from my girl, quite frankly.
You said something that is KEY: MY HAPPINESS. Yes, YOUR HAPPINESS. Do you think norinrad is happy wondering whether or not this girl is losing interest? Of course not. Which is exactly why I've advised him to "get a life" (not in the insulting way). Go out, meet people, drink, party, screw other girls. If his girl cares, she will call. If she doesn't, she won't. She only has two options. Get it? My advice is flawless. How can you not see that?
Why would I waste my time talking to my GF about why she doesn't spend time with me anymore? He'd be debasing himself. What he needs to do is suck it up, talk to other women, and live his life. If she calls, she will have learned her lesson.
If he confronts her, he is relinquishing control to her. Never let a female control the relationship.
For the record, I've been in love. I love my girl now, but I'm safe about it. I don't pressure her. I don't cling to her. I don't swamp her. And that's how I like it. And she loves that. And when we do spend time together, it's all love.
Date of Lies
Banned
XS+ said:
Ok, I thought you said that he should not do or tell her anything WHILE staying in an exclusive relationship with her, which would have been the retarded thing to do, like you said.
Otherwise, I do agree with your ideals.
Player forgiven
I think the issue is how long you've been dating her. If you've been going out for two years then you owe her at least a good-bye and explaination. Letting a long term relationship end by fading away is kinda sucky.
However, if its like, 3 months and not a serious realtionship (not the case here, I know) and one of the people just sort of stops calling, then I would think that that would be ok to simply allow to fade away.
Not calling her could work in some cases, but not this one. Making yourself available isn't a bad idea, if the relationship is on the way out as is seems, but you should also explain how you feel to your girlfriend, if at least for closure purposes.
And for the record, just because you talk to someone about how you feel doesn't mean you are playing "female mind games"
However, if its like, 3 months and not a serious realtionship (not the case here, I know) and one of the people just sort of stops calling, then I would think that that would be ok to simply allow to fade away.
Not calling her could work in some cases, but not this one. Making yourself available isn't a bad idea, if the relationship is on the way out as is seems, but you should also explain how you feel to your girlfriend, if at least for closure purposes.
And for the record, just because you talk to someone about how you feel doesn't mean you are playing "female mind games"
Outcast2004
Banned
Azala said:
Thanks, maintaining a successful relationship is a lot of work, but in the end it's all worth it.
If you do decide to end it (you shouldn't BTW, at least talk about why she's distancing herself), at least do it the nice way.
I've pissed off a few girls in my time by ending a relationship the wrong way and it occasionally comes back to haunt me. Mainly by my ex-girlfrien ds running intoo my now wife at her work or at a bar or wherever.
Two years is a lot of time invested on both ends.
darscot said:
I'm quite independant as well, but let's be honest. Every relationship is a co-dependant thing. Especially if you have a DEEP emotional attachment. If you don't have some tye of co-dependancy on her, they why are you with her? just for the sex...right....
darscot said:
Far be it for two people to actually like doing shit with each other.
Besides which, its the same motherfucker who screamed how independent he was in his youth that ends up married to the first convenient body because he gets lonely in his old age.
And he'll spend that old age unhappy.
Liking to do things together is one thing. Being inseperable is another. Those guys that phone home everyday before the leave work to say there comng home, are what I'm talking about. Guy a cubicle over from me is like that and I feel like jumping over the cubicle and giving him a smack when I hear him baby talking his wife 5 times a day.
I have a great wife two fantastic kids and I get to have my own time. Once a year I go on a trip with friends. Me and my wife have the ability to be seperate that doesn't mean I love her less or my feelings are less deep. I decided to share my life with someone not give my life to someone.
Littleberu
Banned
Yeah but if you went every weekend with your friends, that wouldn't be a relationship anymore.darscot said:
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