Interracial dating GAF. Post your experiences.

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Being an Asian man, most of my dates tend to be interracial out of sheer population statistics. That, and its hard to find an Asian woman who will date an Asian guy these days.

Anyhow, my experience is that it's usually very difficult to 'bring them home' because of the very large culture gap. I'd prefer to bring an Asian girl home like with my last ex, but like I said the chances are quite slim :(
 
Madness said:
Thats just it though. You don't seem to understand that in Asian, Indian and other cultures that are non-western, there isn't as much individualism. Families are inter-generational, share a large family or house etc. A big problem for immigrants is that they come from these environments and have a hard time integrating, especially parents. So to you its so weird etc. But to the parents it's normal. And it's up to the kids to decide what they want. Usually though parents and family tend to win out, even if it's for the worse. Often times, a lot of these kids are dependent on parents for finance, aid. They can't go against something their family is vehemently against.
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i understand the difference in culture, i just don't understand how a parent puts their needs ahead of their childs, especially when it regards who their child marries or loves during their life. seems selfish regardless of the cultural norms.
 
I'm a white guy, had one serious relationship with a white girl, currently in a serious relationship with an asian girl. Only dated white girls inbetween, and one Kenyan girl for a little bit. Almost filled my bingo card I guess. I once made a pact with some friends when we started as students that we'd try to sleep with someone from every country in the world. I'm at 4 countries right now, and I have a feeling it's going to stay there. Have a good feeling about this one.

My parents couldn't care less about who I bring home, provided they are somewhat sane. My mother has a preference for non-white girls though, she won't stop talking about mix-babies :P.
 
The last long term relationship I had was with a Malaysian girl who was studying over here in London. We were together for maybe just over two years, and it's really disappointing to say that it could of been much longer if religion wasn't involved. Her parents were strict Muslims and had so much control over her life. Regardless of how accepting I was to any of the madness that exists with religious faith, it really wouldn't change what her family perpetuated me to be.

It just ended up getting really stressful & bitter towards the end, as the insane pressure they caused, got wedged between us & doomed any possibility of a future where they would be ok about us. They would give her open threats to send her back home & turn up unexpectedly on surprise 'visits'. They didn't even know I existed for a year and a half.

She managed to wrangle out of it and moved to LA to finish studying, basically as an attempt to evade any more family intervention. We broke up before she moved over & I visited her a final time a couple of months after that. Pretty sucky.

Interracial relationships are great OP, but I couldn't again get involved with someone with such a strong religious background. It was an eye opener for me for sure.
 
Their parents will always disapprove, you just gotta go in with that mindset. My parents are just thrilled that a girl would bother to speak to me and could not care less.
 
block tower said:
i understand the difference in culture, i just don't understand how a parent puts their needs ahead of their childs, especially when it regards who their child marries or loves during their life. seems selfish regardless of the cultural norms.
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I don't know if you're necessarily understanding the difference though because it's so radically different from what you believe or how you were raised. It's simple, they put the needs of their family, culture, religion, community ahead of the "love" aspect for their children. Like I said, Western culture is highly egalitarian these days, and the notion of "love" is seen as something of paramount importance. But, now think as a parent, throughout their life, did you do what your children wanted, or what you believed was right? So it's not about what your son or daughter necessarily wants for themselves, as opposed to what you believe is right for them. This can be wide ranging, and it's not only interracial relationships affected. A lot of Asian or Indian parents won't even let their children marry or accept someone who is poor, uneducated, of a different religion etc.

For many of them, they just follow the same rules they were raised in, even if they're in a different place. Usually though, after the first generation, many of these differences in belief go away. I think though as western culture permeates the globes and attitudes and experiences become more universal, you'll see a greater difference. Meaning, as places like China, India, modernize, they'll start following western/global trends.
 
I'm a white guy with a black girlfriend. We've been together for 7 years. She's light-skinned so there's not a huge contrast in color but it's not uncommon to get stares. It's mostly from old people though. Also other black women seem to have a problem with it sometimes.

We agree on a lot so there's not much contrast in values. People like to make the world too black and white. This race always does this and this race always does that. It's a very limited way to view the world.
 
As a white Australian with a Chinese girlfriend (her folks moved over here when she was 3) the only significant issue is that neither of her parents speak English as their primary language, which somewhat impedes chatting when we're together and is probably one of the reasons she spends more time with my folks than I spend with hers.
 
White American marrid to a black woman for 10 years with a son. Recently divorced but on good terms. Never had a problem beyond a stare or two. My family adores her and her family has always been great to me.
 
I'm white and my girlfriend is half Filipina/half Pakistani. It's been awesome dating her, she's amazing and her parents are nice people (and make amazing food). They speak English well enough so I've never had a huge issue with that and they've lived in the US long enough that they are pretty Americanized. Her brother married a white girl so they are used to that (and his kids are adorable).

I never really wanted to date a "girl next door" Midwestern girl, I wanted something different and interesting in the girl I may marry. I got that for sure. :)

The funniest thing to hear is how one of her uncles once tried to arrange a marriage for her. She was born here in the states, so had none of it. The cultural differences are interesting for sure.
 
block tower said:
damn that stung just reading that man. sorry to hear that. it seems, just going by this thread, that a lot of people let their parents dictate their adult life, particularly their love life for the sake of acceptance and finance. it's bizarre to me that these people are living at the mercy of their parent's opinions rather than living for what makes them happy. the only thing to do is let these type of peoole walk away because it's not worth dealing with constant parental intervention in what should be YOUR relationship . sad that there are peoole sacrificing a life of happiness with someone they love for daddy's allowance and approval for bigoted and possessive views.
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It's mainly an Indian or Pakistani thing. These ppl are terrified of dishonoring their parents. The thing is, I earn my own money and am independent so no one can say who I date or what I do with my life. It's such a shame and I keep telling them don't let someone else dictate your life because you will never be happy!

M_Night said:
Such a massive shame. Seems like Ive read the same thing like 10 times now in here.

The problem seems widespread huh?
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Yeah culture/religion seems to get in the way a lot. I tell people to use logic but their parents say they aren't allowed to....
 
Shin Kojima said:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mutilation

Please check the very first example listed.
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And?

I know what the term is and it is STILL used in such a way to shame people for their practices. I am circumcised. My parents weren't wrong for making that choice for me so get off your high horse, stop trying to shame people for doing it and watch your own front yard.

My penis looks just great and last I checked it functions just fine.

It serves no valuable progression to a dialogue to go about using terms like that when they are "technically correct". It is purposefully inflammatory and you know it.
 
My girlfriend is Mexican and I'm a white guy and I love being a part of and learning about Mexican culture by being around her and her family.
 
I'm not sure about the US but in the UK it's common for Asian (Indian sub-continent) guys to date white girls but when it comes time for marriage they break it off and listen to their parents.

Muslim guys/girls will not give up their parents most of the time over a relationship.
 
YaGaMi said:
I'm not sure about the US but in the UK it's common for Asian (Indian sub-continent) guys to date white girls but when it comes time for marriage they break it off and listen to their parents.

Muslim guys/girls will not give up their parents most of the time over a relationship.
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hindu guys and girls do this too because they're a bunch of bitches
 
I'm a black dude who's dated just about everything under the sun. I've never had any issues, though I should note that I've only lived in fairly liberal and diverse cities.
 
Chairmanchuck said:
In China or America?

My experiences:

Been together with my chinese gf for 5 years, started out as an internet-"relationship". One year later I came to China for her. Her parents are the best chinese parents I can wish for me. They see me as a son and they totally pamper and spoil me. Her dad thinks highly of germans so he accepts me and her mom doesnt care at all that I am a german.
Even though we will live in Germany in the future, they support my gf with everything.

What I hear from other chinese/german relationships though is so... strange. I kinda feel bad, but I hear from my gf, that some others are rich as hell. Someone turned a great paying job down, because it was not enough (3500€ after taxes paid, directly after high-school). Some others drive in their newly bought BMW. Some have an own appartment (not just renting one) at the age of like 24...
This kinda makes me feel totally bad...
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In Canada, so quite a different experience than yours!
 
My friend's ex was a Chinese girl. I think a big reason why they broke up was because her parents hated him, simply because he was black. They threatened to disown her if she continued to go out with him and refused to even meet him too.
 
Me be White.
Girl be Latina.

/begin dating

Date for 3 months.

Her Cheat with like 7 guys.

/end dating

And that was my entire experience with interracial dating.

I would date someone who wasn't white happily, just not her again.
 
ryutaro's mama said:
Sigh...not this bullshit again.
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Yes, unnecessarily mutilating an infant's genitals is acceptable because tradition apparently.

In the case of the OP, it would surely be more reasonable for his children to decide themselves when they are adults if they want to be circumcised or not?

I mean, they might not grow up Muslim and they may not appreciate an unnecessary and irreversible procedure on their reproductive organ.

ryutaro's mama said:
My parents weren't wrong for making that choice for me so get off your high horse
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Unless it was for some medical reason, they were, because there is no other acceptable reason for them to make that decision on your behalf. But I realise you have to believe otherwise since you have no other choice.
 
Canadian Indian man and I married a Canadian white girl :) Its been great, learned lots about our cultures, family and friends get along great.
We've accomplished lots in 3 years as a couple and we have no regrets.

That said I've seen lots of issues arise when it comes to religion when it comes friends of mine in the same boat.

If it works it works and sometimes its just not meant to be.

My only other relationship before my wife was with an Indian Muslim. Here mom knew who I was but never knew I was dating her daughter for 3.5 years. In the end it never would have worked because I'm Hindu and she's Muslim. Probably the worst scenario you could be in, her mom would of probably killed herself had she found out that her daughter was seeing a Hindu seriously.

Worst yet my ex's father was Hindu too, same mother who would have felt betrayed and disowned my ex, went through the exact same thing when she was younger. In fact I started dating my ex when I was 24. Same age her parents were when they first met, fell in love and were disowned by their families.

In any case I learned from that experience and I'm with the love of my life now. So it all worked out in the end.
 
As new yorker who's black and dates a white woman, everything is absolutely fine until i step into a black neighborhood (like the one i live in for example)

Black guys tend to look at her with some not so subtle intrigue and attraction as if white women are some kind of foreign creature they've never witnessed before

Black women look at her with some not so subtle intrigue and disdain as if white women are some kind of foreign creature they've never witnessed before.

Neither side does anything offensive or steps beyond their bounds where i feel i need to defend her or find myself in an altercation but it's something i always notice. But i kind of think it's more about the "type" of white woman that she looks like. The way she carries her self, how she dresses added to the fact that she's white in a black/urban neighborhood, people view it as pretentious. I'm sure a lot of people won't understand that but i kind of feel like it's a very "New York" kind of mindset; the whole "tale of two cities" if you will. There are numerous white people/women who live in East New York Brooklyn (where i live) but they look and carry themselves differently than a white person/woman who lives on the UWS or is from Long Island. (My gf is from Ohio...whatever that accounts for)

Speaking of which, I once dated a white girl who lived in Long Island and early on she told me that her mom doesn't like her dating black guys. Amongst other reason why i didn't date her very long, that always bothered me and even if there weren't other things i don't know how long i'd feel comfortable dating her just off of that. Other than the fact that i feel like that kind of shit is racist, i had this weird vibe that her dating black guys was a way for her to rebel and "stick it to her mom" so to speak.
 
dankir said:
My only other relationship before my wife was with an Indian Muslim. Here mom knew who I was but never knew I was dating her daughter for 3.5 years. In the end it never would have worked because I'm Hindu and she's Muslim. Probably the worst scenario you could be in, her mom would of probably killed herself had she found out that her daughter was seeing a Hindu seriously.
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my cousin (Hindu) just married a Muslim woman last week... only 3 people from her family showed up and his mom almost didn't "let" the wedding happen.

madness.
 
For whatever reason I have tended to date white British girls, but our racial differences have never been an issue. I'd imagine cultural/religious differences are more likely to cause friction.
 
jon bones said:
my cousin (Hindu) just married a Muslim woman last week... only 3 people from her family showed up and his mom almost didn't "let" the wedding happen.

madness.
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Yeah its ridiculous. Most of my muslim friends are pretty progressive and liberal while they're families are extremely strict. Sometimes they get caught in the middle :(

I had one friend who's family found out about her hindu bf through some email hacking and shit. They made her call him on speaker phone and got her to break up with him live. Dad, mom, uncles all present. Terrible terrible shit.

Religion can really get in the way of things. My wife and I aren't super religious when it comes to Hinduism and Christianity. Our kids are going to be mixed raced and will learn about both and decide what they want to believe.

Most of my buddies have married white girls actually. Our kids will all grow up together and will all be mixed raced.

You pureblood folk days are numbered :)
 
My ex is half Filipino/half white. Meeting her Mom's side of the family (the Filipinos) was definitely nervewracking the first few times because I knew next to nothing of their customs and did not want to offend in any way. After a few visits, things became much more comfortable and they were extremely kind to me and that always stuck with me. Just the way they made me feel as part of their family actually made me more interested in their culture and I'm now also addicted to a few Filipino dishes lol

If I date outside my race again I'd probably go for a filipina or a filipina mix as my first choice now.
 
moggio said:
Yes, unnecessarily mutilating an infant's genitals is acceptable because tradition apparently.

In the case of the OP, it would surely be more reasonable for his children to decide themselves when they are adults if they want to be circumcised or not?

I mean, they might not grow up Muslim and they may not appreciate an unnecessary and irreversible procedure on their reproductive organ.
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If you believe a certain way, it is necessary so stop.

Unless it was for some medical reason, they were, because there is no other acceptable reason for them to make that decision on your behalf. But I realise you have to believe otherwise since you have no other choice.
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GTFOOH with this bullshit.

My parents decided to create me without consulting me too...should I be pissed about that?

I take offense to you saying my parents made the wrong decision for me when

a) you don't know me
b) you don't know my parents

The truth is, you don't know what the fuck you are talking about.

So again, get off your high horse and stop trying to push YOUR views on me.

Believe what you want, do what you want for your kids, leave me out of it. And stop with the shaming terminology--it does NOTHING to foster a positive discourse.

NOTHING.
 
I'd recommend to the op to ignore all religious teachings for the kids until they're old enough to choose. Indoctrination is bad IMO.
 
ryutaro's mama said:
If you believe a certain way, it is necessary so stop.



GTFOOH with this bullshit.

My parents decided to create me without consulting me too...should I be pissed about that?

I take offense to you saying my parents made the wrong decision for me when

a) you don't know me
b) you don't know my parents

The truth is, you don't know what the fuck you are talking about.

So again, get off your high horse and stop trying to push YOUR views on me.

Believe what you want, do what you want for your kids, leave me out of it. And stop with the shaming terminology--it does NOTHING to foster a positive discourse.

NOTHING.
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Nobody is saying that your life has necessarily been crippled by circumcision. The point is that, while it may have turned out okay for you, it's not okay as a general rule (outside of medical reasons) for parents to circumcise their children.

And just because you take offense to something doesn't make it untrue.

On topic, I've only seriously dated within my race (Indian) but have had interracial, casual flings that never went anywhere due to dating preferences (Filipina Christian who didn't want to date a non-Christian seriously, and Pakistani girl...for obvious reasons).
 
tskeeve said:
Nobody is saying that your life has necessarily been crippled by circumcision. The point is that, while it may have turned out okay for you, it's not okay as a general rule (outside of medical reasons) for parents to circumcise their children.

And just because you take offense to something doesn't make it untrue.
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And why is it not ok? Because of your personal compass and it's subjective definitions, right? Well, for my parents (and millions others) it is ok and part of their belief.

So you aren't wrong (subjectively) and neither are my parents. The whole reason I responded the way I did is because the poster (who knows nothing about me or my family) proceeded to assign the same subjective position you have as fact.

It is not a fact. In some beliefs, it is necessary and to say otherwise, I take offense.

I am not in here describing people who aren't circumcised in an inflammatory way or trying to guilt/shame them or their parents either.

That shit pisses me off.
 
jasonng said:
Don't be so dismissive, no one here is against it. We're sharing cultural clashes when it comes to dating which is interesting.
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I can't deny cultural differences, and am fascinated and intrigued by them. The thing I'm against though is 'race', and the negative connotation that certain groups of people are inherently different from other groups of people.
 
Loxley said:
I'm white and my first girlfriend in college was Chinese-American, although there's really not much to tell. We never faced any sort of adversity as a couple and nobody ever once ever expressed disapproval to me or her about us dating. Or at least if they did, I didn't hear of it. I have no preferences when it comes to attraction and race. White, black, asian, hispanic - a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman.

The sad thing about my parents is that while I guarantee you if I dated a black girl, they wouldn't bat an eyelash, once my sister started dating black guys they freaked out in the worst way possible. Especially my dad, who at first said that if my sister married a black man it would be the most "dishonorable" thing she could ever do to our family. To put things in perspective, my sister is any parent's dream child. She was a straight-A student, class president, Homecoming Queen, was in National Honor society, graduated in the top of her class in college, has a total type-A personality where everybody loves her the second they meet her, and she has a fantastic job. All of that was tossed aside when my parents found out a few years ago she was dating a black guy (and had only been dating him for over a month at that point). What made this particularly shocking was that I had never once in my entire life heard my parents say anything remotely racist. But the idea of a black man dating their precious, beautiful blonde daughter flipped some sort of hidden racial fear-mongering switch.

Over time though, I'm happy to say my folks have calmed the fuck down. My sister has dated a couple of guys since then, all of them black, and has been with her current boyfriend for nearly two years. My parents really like him too. Turns out getting to know someone instead of judging them by their skin color helps a lot. Who knew.
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its always worse with white girl/black guy for some reason, glad it worked out in the end though
 
Probably the only person with a controversial post but basically I don't see myself marrying outside my race, not that i'm not open to it but i just don't see it happening.

I'm black and my first girlfriend was actually white, i actually have no problem dating outside my race and my parents are 100% okay with it as well and always assumed i would marry outside my race. Something happened when I started attending university though, which is strange because for the majority university opens them up more i guess. The thing is i've always been one of the few black kids in my academic classes and it sort of extended on to university being one of the few black males on campus in comparison to just about any other group. So i've always felt like an outsider of some sort, couldn't really relate to most anyways.

Also I've just noticed a lot of shitting amongst one another in my race, I even have friends that say they don't date black girls and they're black as well. Friends that have now become acquaintences, and they put white girls on some sort of pedastal. Fuck that. I'm pretty sure some black girls do it as well. Then you have other people from other races shitting on black people as well, It's just rather annoying to me.

So the thing is I have no problem with interracial relationships. What matters most is that people are happy and quite frankly i really don't care who people date. I don't see myself doing it anytime soon though. Yeah i could be eating since most black girls usually ignnore me, but it's whatever.
 
trixx said:
Probably the only person with a controversial post but basically I don't see myself marrying outside my race, not that i'm not open to it but i just don't see it happening.

I'm black and my first girlfriend was actually white, i actually have no problem dating outside my race and my parents are 100% okay with it as well and always assumed i would marry outside my race. Something happened when I started attending university though, which is strange because for the majority university opens them up more i guess. The thing is i've always been one of the few black kids in my academic classes and it sort of extended on to university being one of the few black males on campus in comparison to just about any other group. So i've always felt like an outsider of some sort, couldn't really relate to most anyways.

Also I've just noticed a lot of shitting amongst one another in my race, I even have friends that say they don't date black girls and they're black as well. Friends that have now become acquaintences, and they put white girls on some sort of pedastal. Fuck that. I'm pretty sure some black girls do it as well. Then you have other people from other races shitting on black people as well, It's just rather annoying to me.

So the thing is I have no problem with interracial relationships. What matters most is that people are happy and quite frankly i really don't care who people date. I don't see myself doing it anytime soon though. Yeah i could be eating since most black girls usually ignnore me, but it's whatever.
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I don't think your post is extremely controversial or anything, but I'm not sure I understand. I get that you're mad at friends and other people talking trash about black women and you getting angry about that, but why is that the reason that you have to marry a black girl now? Aren't you then making that same divide others are making? Not that I have anything against you wanting to marry a black girl, but I'm not sure I understand your reasoning.

Question for others here actually, because there is an issue that came up a while back. I'm a white guy, raised as a catholic (mostly to please my grandparents, my parents don't believe themselves) and now agnostic. My girlfriend is asian and muslim. Here parents are too, obviously. No problems there, everyone gets along really well. Things have been going well, and we're at an age where we have to start discussing things about our future - marriage and kids. We're not going to have kids anytime soon, but if things go on as they do now I expect it to happen in two or three years.

About marrying my girlfriend: her mom kind of wants me to become a muslim, but my girlfriend and her dad know that that wouldn't fit me at all, and I'm absolutely not going to do it because it would mean having to lie about who I am, which I don't want to do. It would be dishonest towards everyone. Her mom understands though, and we get along very well, so no real problems there. However, both her mother and my girlfriend want our child to be raised as a muslim. My girlfriend believes in God, but isn't practicing in any way beyond that. Her mother is a bit more religious. I'm fine with all of that, and I don't want to take it away from them. They know that I'm agnostic and don't treat me any differently for it. I really don't want to raise my kid in a religious environment though. If he wants to choose to follow a belief system when he's a bit older that's fine with me, but it really goes against my view on life to put that on a child. It's a bit of a difficult issue, because I can see why they would want to do it. It's been a bit of an obstacle for a while now. We don't fight about it or anything, but none of us really know how to find a solution that will please everyone. It's the only thing that's putting some doubt on our future together for me, because I want to get children eventually, and I'd like to build a future with her, but yeah, I'd be very weird for me to have my own kids follow any kind of religion given how far my own philosophies on life are removed from religion. Anyone here have any experience with something like this?
 
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